Uncovering an Understanding of the Female Body

I always wanted to keep this blog “on the main topic” or only post stuff about my own life, but recently I’ve been scouring blogs lately through the great “Tag Surfer” ability and ran into some articles via tags I’m interested in. When I originally started this blog, I never thought I’d be ever referencing someone’s post, but I thought it was a great read, something I have pondered before. In an era where sexuality is no longer a sheltered topic, many still find it uncomfortable to approach certain topics pertaining to themselves. Being in close relationship with many of my female friends, only 3-4 of them (probably less than 5% of female friends that come to my mind) who openly discuss their “personal time alone” with me. Perhaps, one could say that this topic is a highly sensitive topic to be talking with a guy (me) about, but on that same note, at least > 75% of them have no problem telling me their “doings” with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Think about the last time you sat in a highly public area… hrm.. a mall food court. Have you ever overheard or even purposefully listened in on a conversation? You will likely find that at least ONE group is discussing the girl/guy they banged the night before or what plans they have to sleep with a particular individual. Yet, for a girl to feel comfortable enough to discover and explore her own body is an absolute no-no.

I’m one of those very “un-private” people to say the least… and maybe that’s my failing point, but I openly share a lot of things. I’ve had all sorts of socially awkward or embarrassing questions thrown at me before and I think with the exception of being asked something by my parents, I could without turning red, answer a personal question to anyone else. As mentioned by Rhoda, self-exploration of a female’s body seem to still be unacceptable. I have asked some of my girlfriends whether they have bothered exploring their bodies before.. perhaps some ‘touching’ and ‘getting to know yourself’ and many have responded with things ranging from, “Ewww… that’s gross” and “I never touch those areas unless I’m taking a shower.” and it makes me ponder the question how can they survive like that? When I say explore, I don’t mean so much to as to even masturbate, but even just KNOWING what things look like down there would be a good start (and textbooks don’t count). Maybe as a guy, it is almost understood that males are quite attuned to exploring our bodies, but what about girls, what makes them so different that they don’t need to do the same? Mind you the girls who have not mentioned that they ever explored their bodies are girls who I know who have engaged in various sexual encounters, ranging from non-penetrative to penetrative sex. I cannot possibly fathom that they feel so comfortable to engage in such activities, yet to touch themselves makes them want to puke. Maybe as a heterosexual male and a lover of the female body, my opinion might be a bit biased, but seriously, girls who have the most fulfilling sex are ones who know themselves inside-out.

Having a conversation with a girl recently.. let’s call “L.I” (for the sake of her privacy), we were having a keen discussion on her experience with tampons for her period. I was the one who recommended L.I to switch brands recently to O.B (which I was inspired by my ex-ex girlfriend, thanks 😛 ), which unlike applicator tampons required the use of her fingers to insert the tampon into her vagina. She complained to me how she was not used to using her fingers for that and found it “awkward” that she had to touch down there. I asked her, “Do you wash your hands before you insert it?” and she replied, “Yes”… so then I asked her, “What’s the issue then?”. I’m shocked to see a girl of her age, afraid or even shamed to touch her own private areas, especially when it is for the necessity of menstrual hygiene and not “just for fun”. I swear my jaw was open for an entire minute. What surprized me the most was that only 5 minutes before I asked her that, she was telling me how for the first time the previous night, she was playing with her boyfriend’s penis. I cannot help but quote Rhoda on her beautifully-expressed perspective, “Why can pre-teens put a penis in their mouth but are reluctant to look at their own vagina? This is too sad for words.” I asked L.I whether she considered taking some time to understand the area “down there” so she can be comfortable with her own body as it would make it easier for her to insert her tampon, but instead, she just decided it’d be easier to use pads. Now, I’m not saying I have a problem with her going back to pads, but it worries me that she’s that uncomfortable with the thought of knowing the area between her legs that she’d just give up.

The above was just a singular scenario of the many I could lay out. Unfortunately, I don’t have the time  to retell every story, experience or situation I have pertaining to this 😀 I have always been a proponent of, “The better you understand how your body works, the better you’ll be able to communicate to your significant other how to make you feel good!” I completely agree with Rhoda that many girls often concentrate on satisfying their man more than considering their own needs. What happened to communication before, during and after sex? I think both male and female (in a heterosexual relationship) should be sexually satisfied before “the night is over.” Although the process of ejaculation for a male is physically tiring, all-too-often do I hear about guys who fall asleep without care for their female lover. Didn’t SHE just give you the time of your life, what about returning the favour? Be a man… do the right thing.

The results of a female orgasm whether on her own or with a partner is so important in a woman’s life. I am horrified to hear about girls my age who have never experienced an orgasm prior to meeting their boy/girlfriend. So… you mean you let someone else explore your body before you have done it yourself?! Akin to laughing, I consider an orgasm as a great friend to laughter. If anything, it solves many of lives problems or at least pushes it away for even a moment of time is worthwhile. Rather than being drunk, getting high or tripping on acid, self-gratification can offer that same happiness at no risk, especially because females tend to be moodier than males it acts as a great anti-depressant. Furthermore, I have always been a big fan of advising my close female friends that an orgasmic release is a great way to reduce/eliminate menstrual cramping.

Girls, it is like a guy cheating on you when you decide to fake an orgasm – it is not in the best of your interest or the interest of the relationship. Sex is what brings a couple together and even what breaks people apart. To fake an orgasm is denying your own need of satisfaction and is giving the wrong impression to the guy that he’s “doing a good job” when he really isn’t. Is it acceptable for a guy to tell you he’s going to take out the garbage when he didn’t? Sex involves two (or more, if that’s your thing) people and so does a relationship, so why not work together to create a GREAT sexual experience for everyone? Lying is lying and pretending that “your orgasm” doesn’t matter is a lie.. let your partner know that you’re not satisfied and also, this is where self-exploration and self-understanding comes to play… tell him what makes YOU feel good because after all, YOU should know yourself well enough to express how you want to be pleasured!

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About Prexus Swyftwynd

Probably not a good idea for you to know anything about me....

Posted on January 10, 2010, in Thumbs Up Reads and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 25 Comments.

  1. It’s simple. Girls have a lot less testosterone. Full stop. We don’t get all curious until there is chemistry. No spark no interest. Simple as that 😛

    • That sucks… good thing I know that there are girls who enjoy exploring their bodies out there. It makes me feel so awkward if a girl herself barely understands what makes her feel good, let alone require ME to figure it out for her.. lol, maybe just lazy? HAHA.

      Maybe I just like corrupting girls I know into enjoying the exploration of their own bodies XD Oh yes, that’s right, I used the word corrupt, lol. Buttt… if you read into the original post I quoted, you may realize that the menality of your reply is wrong 😛 Curiosity is fun…. most of the time, hah. You seem very curious of the male body though.. (cough), ass (cough).

      Nevertheless, I think a problem is indicative when a girl does feel a spark and has an interest that she STILL denies herself the release she needs and keeps it bottled in. Perhaps girls really do have the caretaking personality and worry about other people’s needs before her own =\

      • I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing – I’m just trying to clarify WHY some girls don’t explore their own bodies.

        It’s because there is nothing to excite them – lack of testosterone perhaps? (Boy do I get excited at looking at ……. Mmmhmmm~~~ lol). Seriously, it’s not fun being alone – it’s like trying to paint without watercolour. Girls (some, not all – I don’t know about others) need someone of the opposite sex to generate excitement.

        And then just to get excited enough we have to have fantasies of walking hand-in-hand, walking by the beach, having meals together, him proposing and getting married and stuff BEFORE we even fantasise about making out, to even get in the mood for “play”.

        So it’s a really long process before a girl even THINKS about “exploring her body”. You get the drift. Of course, maybe that’s just me 😛

        • I think that’s just good ol’ conservative you 😛 or maybe just some of the girls I know are a bit too easy? LOL. I don’t think they go through the whole process of all those fantasizes before they jump. Between the time when I was with my ex to the girl I’m seeing now, I spent a lot of time with a girl.. uhh.. we’ll call her “S” – and I think she was your above-average “self-explored” type of girl, haha. I took her to a nearby mall because it was her birthday and I hadn’t really thought of anything to get her so I told her we’d go there so she can pick out a present. She got a pair of earrings and she was so happy (I don’t let girls who I’m not with spend more than $50 on a present, lol) and as we were walk out the mall, there’s this little hallway that leads to an employees area and she was like, “Hey K, do you want to go in there so I can give you a little present?” and I was like uhhh.. it was awkward because the idea of me buying her a present was not to solicit sex in return, lol. You might wonder why I would automatically assume that was her plan – but that’s just the nature of the girl she is… she’s told me about all the things she does at home alone, LOL, and she doesn’t have a boyfriend to fantasize about – so it’s not a long process for her at all 😛 speaking of which, I had only known her for 6 months before she asked me something like that.

          Even though at the time I was single and all, it felt so weird to be doing something like this outside of a proper relationship. More or less, I could say it was my fault since I’m a fairly conservative person when it comes to relationships, so I just couldn’t bring myself to give in (even though she was hooott with an amazing body) because I knew whatever we did was not out of sheer love.

          Anyways, totally off-track.. but I wish there were more girls like you who thought like that 😛 girls freak me out these days… I honestly thought it was all the testoterone in us that makes us go nuts… or maybe just the girls I know tend to be tomboyish, wacky and wild. Of course I would not disgree with the fact that doing something alone versus having a 2nd half, but it definitely does act as a great relief and a way to know your own body. I’ve heard huge flip-sides to these perspectives, like the one you offered about how most girls are pretty docile and then I read forums where girls are going buck-nutty over playing with themselves even moreso than guys are, LOL.

          I suppose for your birthday I send you a poster of T.L… hahahaha.

        • Don’t know about them, but it’s such a turn off.. It’s kinda miserable being alone compared to being with the source of “fire” – I don’t know. Maybe those girl have lots of testosterone HAHA. In fact, I even know guys who DON’T – just like girls. No love, no mood, no play. 🙂

        • You know some pretty testosterone lacking guys.. LOL. You know what’s funny? Yesterday, I was having a similar conversation with my coworker. Although neither of us are part of the LGBTQ community (although I am an ally) – we were discussing how fascinating it is for FtM and MtF transitions! She has been an avid follower of a Youtube user who shows her (the user’s) transition from being a female to male and part of the procedure is testosterone injections. One of the most notable changes besides hair and facial structure is the immense amount of horniness he (I use the context of “he” as in the user in the video) felt. Testosterone is seriously what drives guys and that’s why I made the funny comment about “Which head do you think I think with?” the other time, lol. I think you need to reword it is “No love, no mood, GO play!” hahahaha.. mui mui jai, have fun 😛

        • LOL, nah I think those guys are just too pre-occupied with other things, such as work, studies, sports……

          or LAN games -_______-” HAHA. BTW, what does LGBTQ stand for?

        • LOL, I do “other” things… I work, I study, I play sports and even carry my own business, yet I still have time… so do you mean I am lazy or something and have so much free time? 😛

          LAN games… I play those too, but over the internet, but using LAN option with Hamachi or Tunngle. My friend runs a LAN cafe and every month he hosts a free one.. sometimes I go play, but I hate going to those because there’s no girls =\ At least when I play online, I can some times play with a few girls I know or meet a few, lol… I hate listening to “guy voices” online all the time, ack.

          LGBTQ = Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer.

        • LOL, there is a LAN craze over here!!! Once they start playing, its for hours!!!!! Grrrrr it’s their only hobby, I’m serious =.=. They claim it’s better than anything else. No lifes!!!!!!!! How is getting wrist problems and backaches better than anything else? How is pawning and owning in GAMEs gonna help you in real life?????? NO LIFES GRRRRRRRRR one of my criteria for a potential bf is that he must NOT be addicted to LAN GAMES. Social player, OK. NOT ADDICTS. LOL.

        • Ya, haha.. I used to play games with a lot Malaysians… they’re nuts over gaming – and good too! They make really good teammates and I’ve literally ‘grown up’ with a lot of them.. some same age and some older, they even offer me a place to stay in case I ever go to MY for vacation, haha.

          Gaming is addictive – you know that, so playing for hours is not really unexpected, haha. Gaming is not better than anything else, lol.. tell them to go have sex more often 😀 Wrist/Back issues are only if they are not being ergonomic. Pawning/Owning stuff in-game, some people make REAL money out of it actually… when I stopped playing Everquest, someone offered to buy my account… but I didn’t sell it because I love my char too much in case I ever go back to play, haha.

          You have 101 expectations of boyfriends.. pft!

        • Yes, I know – but one doesn’t have to play everyday – esp if its not an RPG =.= The long hours are OK, but not the “everyday” part of it.

          LOL nope, my real life expectations are very low – a bf of mine can game, hang out late with his bunch of friends and go for holidays without me, and even chat to girls and I won’t get riled up.

        • MMORPG’s are fun… you ever played one or you only stick to consoles? When you get into games like those, “everyday” is quite normal, especially if you want to do well XD then again, it is possible to play “controlled hours” each day since most of those type of games require a daily commitment….

          That’s not necessarily ‘low’ expectation of a boyfriend… that’s more of what you allow him to do 😛 haha. I can hear the leash and whip cracking on that poor guy already, lol. You are not the jealous type? Aww… too bad… don’t let a guy get too out of control though, you’re there to keep him in line, LOL. Remind me that when you find a guy that I’ll try to make him jealous XD

        • I don’t play MMORPGS – you HAVE to train constantly to keep up/level up and it takes up alot of time and commitment (like a relationship? lol) So I only play LAN games like (L4D, COD and such. I know that I WILL get addicted so I avoid MMORPGS at all costs XD It’s like drinking or smoking – I avoid it at all costs because it isn’t good for me =)

          LOL yeah, my bf can talk about another girl and I won’t even bat an eye – because I do the same too XD this is what I call “trust” heheh. MY ex tried to make me jealous but it didn’t work because I could “see it in his eyes”. lol. pffft

        • Hey, I started playing one called Last Chaos… maybe you will join me? Pretty pwease? 😀 You don’t have a relationship to commit to right now, so play games with me… haha.

  2. I like it when a woman understands her body, and can tell me what she likes and wants. I also have my own ways of finding out, so put the 2 together and she and I can have a very good time. It’s not all as complicated as soem thing though and I have learned from the best called Welcomed Consensus here http://welcomedconsensus.blogspot.com/ and fron their dvds.

  3. Imagine my surprise when I followed your comment back here and realized you arnt another woman. (LOL).
    Loved the post, cant wait to read on.

    Its funny, I am a FULL DISCLOSURE type of gal and so are my closest friends (who happen to be all female right now). A fringe type friend (who we see every week at a playgroup) came walking with my friend Deb and I and I was whining (AS I AM NOW) about OWIE CRAMPS AND EWIE HEAVY FLOW and HOLY SH!T IS IT ON MY PANTS?!?!!!!! And Deb and I were discussing it all in our crazy clinical way then the new friend who was dragging behind gave us the “okay you guys are making me sick.”

    Its normal and natural and INTERESTING because everyone is different and so is their cycle and WOW. I guess its allabout what youre used to talking about and how you were raised maybee???

    As for the touching of self and all IF YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO DO IT RIGHT THEN HOW CAN YOU TELL SOMEONE ELSE IS DOING IT WRONG?
    Masterbation is something EVERYONE does… and anyone who doesnt really should. 😉

    Ps. I dont use tampons because I cant seem to get it right. I always feel them and its not comfortable. LOL

    • HAH, I had no intention of misleading you (I don’t think I did) 😛 I’m completely male, lol… I guess you can say I like to understand women? The female body is great, I’m not sure whether that is because I’m heterosexual or whether I’m curious, lol – perhaps a bit of both. This world needs more full disclosure or perhaps open-minded women like you. I’m tired of girls always complaining that guys don’t spend an time understanding them when they don’t give us opportunity to… when we ask a question we get called perv, nasty names or deemed inappropriate. It’s too bad, because then we as guys, never get an opportunity to learn – that is unless the guy happens to be a complete man-whore, LOL.

      I left you a suggestion on a pad to prevent you on your heavy days if you ever want to try it out – I know it has worked for one person, can’t say it will for you but it’s always worth a try! It’s true, some people just aren’t accustomed to the wide-open talks, even when it’s girl-to-girl. It’s too bad, because there’s so much that conversation offers, advice, common-ground and more important, knowledge. Sure, it might not be the prettiest of discussion, but it’s a fact of life one way or another… or until menopause, lol. BTW, I hate menopause if you can’t tell, hahaha. Periods are definitely interesting, glad I found someone who agrees XD.

      I totally agree with your idea that everyone should do it more often, lol. I find that girls who don’t aren’t as sexually in-tune, in the sense that those girls tend to be very uncomfortable with sexuality, concepts of it and aware of enjoying the satisfaction of physical touch. I’m not even talking about “touch” as to sexual-touching, but even regular hand-holding, caressing, cuddling up – all the things that make being in a relationship fun and loving… I can’t stand emotionally/physically frigid girls, it freaks me out and of course I freak them out because they’re not used to the physical affection I like to give, lol.

      In regards to not knowing right/wrong.. I guess the thing about it, sex can never really be right/wrong, correct? Everyone has a different perception/feeling of how one wants to be touched/”sex”ed with (is that even a word? LOL). While a girl who doesn’t explore herself might not know the difference, I think it is just advantageous on both a personal and relationship level for a couple to know their own bodies and know each others. Furthermore, it gives each partner an opportunity to have “alone time” when the other half isn’t available. Oh wait, after re-reading your statement, I just realized you were essentially shadowing my point, lol, thanks.. I’m stupid like that 😛 English isn’t my first language XD (cheap excuse, ya – haha).

      RE: Tampon – yah, that seems to be common on what I hear. Unfortunately there’s still a lot of “fear factor” out there and I can attest to the fact that especially to Asian females. It seems like the North American society has been much more socially accepting of the usage of tampons. Tampons are still rarely available in suburban Asian areas and I used to have an article (not written by me) which outlined the relevance between anti-tampon sentiments within the Asian culture. I guess you could say the Asian culture is a bit conservative and they don’t really like to deal with stuff “down there” other than for hygienic reasons, and sticking something up there is DEFINITELY not their thing. Tampons have become popular in Japan and Taiwan, but definitely still does not have a very large foothold in places like Mainland China, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Thailand, etc.

      Interestingly enough, putting in tampons is completely technique and I think really requires comfort level. I say this because my ex refused to use tampons out of fear and I talked her into it. She tried on her own and wasted 3 tampons without being able to get it in properly. She was very reluctant but she finally let me into the washroom and I got it in for her on the first try and she was like “that’s it?” and I was done.. she didn’t even know it was there. The only problem was she felt so self-conscious (used to feeling the pad there) that she ended up putting a pad on ANYWAYS, haha. I think part of the challenge is 1) feeling comfortable enough to getting it in right, and 2) feeling comfortable enough to know that the tampon is providing enough protection so you’re not thinking about it all the time. Then there are also those with preference not to use it (such as yourself) or those who have physical limitations of not being able to use it. Nevertheless, to each their own, I love pads and tampons equally… ok well I lie.. LOL.

  4. LOL play what? UNless you send over a PS3, I won’t be playing much 😛

  5. NOOOOOO I DO NOT PLAY MMORPGS 😛

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