My Boring Little Friday

Well, Friday’s rolled around but this Friday has been lax… well, too lax that I’m getting bored. Heck, it is 8:54PM right now as I’m writing this and I feel like going to sleep already as there’s nothing to do. Talking to one of my best friend’s, he just got home from work… yes, at well past 8PM because he works as an accountant and it is currently tax season that he’s working well into the evening and will be at work on Saturday and Sunday – that’s nuts! I didn’t even feel like posting today, but I figured I would and it might give me a bit of a jump-start… actually, after I post this, I’m going to go workout because that might get the blood circulating and start pumping out some endorphins in me. There’s nothing particularly making me down today or feeling tired (well, unless you count a boring meeting) – but I was hoping I’d be able to spend tonight talk to my sweetie but she went to her friend’s house instead 😦 Yes yes, I bitch and I moan, lol. If her and I spent as much time together as her and her friends did, we’d be married by now, LOL!

The few of my friends who reads my blog asked why I always call her so affectionately “BeBe” rather than by name or my girlfriend – it is because our relationship is extremely complex right now. To “the distant people”, I refer to her as my girlfriend, to close friends (or on my blog), I refer to her as my BeBe – because we aren’t “bound” together and to explain the complexity behind our relationship would be more than what I’d want an “acquaintance” to ask me, so it is just easier if they accept what I say for face-value. Our bonds are undisputable but she falls in the crack of, “I’m unsure of ‘us’ right now” situation, so it not quite one way or the other. On that note, I think if I were to tell Poh Ching that “it is complicated” – she is the one of the few that would understand what I mean right now, haha… you know the infamous “It’s complicated” Facebook relationship status right? Ya, this is about what it is… hah! I know it is unfair of me to refer to my BeBe as my girlfriend, even when we don’t have solid footing, but I think any guy who would try to get close to her would be setting himself up for a world full of pain 😀 (And I truly do not wish to explain what I mean to any random person) I have pictures of her as my desktop wallpaper, picture frame, phone, wallet, at home… so people are bound to ask questions. Maybe just for laughs, I’ll have our graphics designer at work photoshop a picture of us “together” – wakakaka.

As I was reviewing my weight-loss plan with my coworker today, he mentioned now that my cardio is improving a lot I should really consider incorporating weight lifting as part of my regiment, as weight-lifting is one of his preferred exercises to not only tone, but convert that fat into muscle. As I mentioned before, my major “target” right now is to reduce facial fat not even in my stomach, because it is not that bad (or at least doesn’t show). For me, the motivation for all this is really for my BeBe… we had an interesting discussion and during that time, I was kinda of “getting her to spill what she thought” about how I look… and clearly, I think just like any girl, she wants a guy who looks good and thin. I don’t blame her, there’s nothing more that girls want than to be able to “show off” her boyfriend to her friends and even have them say, “Wow, your boyfriend looks good.” … I want to be that man for her too (well, not a big fan of being “shown off” – but oh well), so there’s my major push lately. Oh you bet you, I’ve hurt my neck, shoulder, arms, knees and back doing all this stuff and nearly spent 6 days dealing with a pulled neck… and why? Just for a frigging girl – sigh, my life is sad. I can’t remember if this was a conversation Poh Ching and I had or whether I read it on her blog, but essentially, when you really care for someone, you really go to all ends and lose your dignity – completely. I can never imagine myself doing some of the things I do, just “out of love”… and rather than being appreciated by my BeBe – she described my affection and loyalty akin to 死缠烂打.. which is “fighting tooth and nail [for her]” but with a very negative connotation. It is interesting that commitment and loyalty isn’t something that’s “looked upon well” anymore. I preferred her to describe me as 死心塌地, all my heart just for her – but alas, she doesn’t feel that yet. It was quite saddening and although the previous night we had a good talk, just that one phrase was enough to really fuck up my night. Oh well, you know they had a show called “Kids say the darnest things”… they need one “Girls say the darnest things.” I’m just not sure why sometimes she doesn’t consider my feelings when she says things – I try to always consider hers so I don’t end up hurting her. SIGH. I really want her to finish school, get a job fast — see the “real world” and that will change her views a lot and her choice of communication. Why does she have to be younger than me >_< and haven’t reached that “stage” yet, blarg.

Other than that, I could say we’re taking small itty-bitty steps again. When I talk to her, a lot of the time I don’t think we recognize all the little hints and flirtatious undertones we drop to each other. I’m a bit more aware, since I’m in a case of “I like her more than she likes me.” – but it is clear that she goes back and forth (similar to 24/7 hormonal fluctuations? haha) because she can be “really close to me” and then “be really far away”.. the hot/cold game – man, and I thought “first time relationship” girls didn’t know how do those mind-fuck games, lol. It is like she’s confused herself whether she likes me, while the things she “does” consciously is to push me away, her subconscious words/actions indicates otherwise. At times, I think her logic versus emotions are fighting at each other. Logically, she doesn’t want to like me, but deep down inside, little cracks of light shine through. At least she openly admits that she “flips back and forth” a lot… from wanting a boyfriend, to not wanting one… I guess boyfriends to her is on an “as needed basis” right now, but I believe that I found my dream-girl – which means I can deal with these hot & cold obstacles!

Today at work, my boss gave me the “ok” to buy new furniture and to do a bit of renovations for my office, so things are looking good. I was bugging him about getting me a bigger office, but right now all the rooms are occupied and we already have “placement” issues… I suppose one always should know when to keep their mouths shut, haha. I suppose some new furniture will make me happy enough and when there’s room available, I’ve got first dibs on the massive office across from me, hah. So I’m spending tonight playing Bright Shadow since that keeps my mind off my sweetie who’s gone to spend time with her friends instead of with me 😥 BS has not been nice tonight either, we had a great group going and then it fell apart after an hour, so I only ended up getting about 80% experience into Level 40 😦 I spent another hour trying to find a group or get one going, which failed, so I did a bunch of useless things on the computer until I felt like returning to the game.

Today, I did some “bumping around” … literally, since I can’t read Spanish, but got my hands on the Saba site! I’m going to rework my links and such tomorrow, but it’s late now.

You can access the Saba Mexico site @ http://www.saba.com.mx/ Make sure you check out my favourite area, the Toallas Femeninas 😀

and also today for the first time, I found out that Carefree actually makes tampons. To me, Carefree has always been the staple-pantiliner maker, not a tampon maker!Reading on another blog, the author wrote something about Carefree tampons so I actually went to look it up… and sure enough, Carefree makes tampons, WOW! You can take a look at it @ http://www.itsmybody.com.au/teens/products_teens/productsteens.htm

I’m excited to have stumbled upon some new products and things I didn’t know about! Will have to dive in more when I have time.

Have to go to sleep soon and a big day tomorrow, celebrating my friend’s birthday and I have to go to the LCBO (lol) to pick up her present… Will try to get the feminine hygiene sales up for tomorrow as well since the pictures will be available then!

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About Prexus Swyftwynd

Probably not a good idea for you to know anything about me....

Posted on February 27, 2010, in Periodtastic, Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. HAHAHA your relationship status is so high school =P Bleh ok maybe not for you – that was how it was for me in high school anyway =P

    “It is like she’s confused herself whether she likes me, while the things she “does” consciously is to push me away, her subconscious words/actions indicates otherwise. At times, I think her logic versus emotions are fighting at each other. Logically, she doesn’t want to like me, but deep down inside, little cracks of light shine through. At least she openly admits that she “flips back and forth” a lot… from wanting a boyfriend, to not wanting one… I guess boyfriends to her is on an “as needed basis” ”

    So you do know her problem – she’s confused! Perseverance pal, persevere =P Try to be observant and pick up any tiny issues/problems she may have. Attentiveness to the smallest things that go unnoticed is appreciated, shows that you are genuinely concerned and care for her =) Try to clear her confusion, by picking up every nuances and interpreting them for her – helps her figure out thoughts quicker =D

    • Hehe, I know la, I’m totally not giving up! She said she never thought a guy would stick around so long – haha.. you should talk to her sometimes, maybe help her sort out her mind 😄 Too bad you two didn’t know each other back in M.Y – you’d be a perfect influence on her 😀 Anymore girls-day-out with Aiwei? HAHAHAHA. Wish she would sometimes understand things you do, it would be so much easier… but, nothing great comes easy in life eh?

      Ya, well I don’t really set my RS in Facebook… no one needs to know anyways. I mean if we do get on solid footings, I wouldn’t mind making it visible, but otherwise, I’m pretty private when it comes to this stuff. Even some of my close friends don’t know about my relationships since I don’t talk to them about it. Unlike back in high school, my relationships are “status quo” anymore… it isn’t about “cool” for having a girl, it is about finding someone you truly want to be with now.

      I have thought about picking out nuances and interperting them for her, but it is a very fragile thing to do. On one hand, it might be useful for her to see where she’s actually saying/doing things which indicate her true feelings but on the other hand, I don’t want to be the one “dictating” or “telling” her how she feels… after all, it is her mind, body and heart. But yes, I totally know what you mean in that maybe if I actually brought attention to the little things she does, she might even get to know herself better. I am very attentive to her, lol, I read into everything she says/does.. it is really cute even when I look back at it sometimes, haha. I’m very analytical, so don’t get me started and taking stuff apart to analyze it 😛 It will almost be half-year since we’ve been “together” (note the quotes, haha), and we’ve stepped backward and forward a lot and there’s no plan to give up. Once I find a target, they never evade me that easily 😄

  2. I agree with your friend! I know you’re not going to give up on her, just because I KNOW YOU. Stick with it, because if you never see the end result, you will regret it forever. I know you used to lecture me on Josh and now we’re together “happily ever after” and it can be the same for you! She just has to go through the phase, just like any of us… you and I included. When we’re young, we look for a lot of frivolous and senseless things in a “compatible partner” rather than looking for realistic things that truly make us happy, satisfied and someone we can bear for the rest of our lives.

    It was probably not long ago that you wanted a “Hot Hong Kong Model” as your girlfriend and then you finally looked beyond what a girl looks like to find the beauty within her. There’s nothing “wrong” with you… of course you can always spare to lose a few pounds, but she needs to learn to look beyond your physical flaws to the “real you”. If she’s lucky, she will only look like she does now maybe for 10-15 years and then she will grow old… and then what about physical look then? Lucky for you is that men look even more handsome and “manly” as they get older… all we do is get all saggy and wrinkled >_<

    She will learn one day la, point things out to her when she says/does things so that she understands how you think and maybe she will recognize her actions. Your frd who posted above is very smart ^____^

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