Men’s Guide On How To Be a Better Boyfriend/Husband During Her Period
I promised I’d write this for Poh Ching a long time ago and it’s finally time I live up to this! In this entry, I’d like to take some time to discuss ways to make your girlfriend or wife feel better shortly before or during her period. Let’s face it, most men rather avoid a woman while she is menstruating and that is too bad, because we should not ditch our second half just because she’s bleeding between her legs. Some men are opposed to my way of thinking, “being there for the girl” and rather, feel that they are more of a help if they just stay out of the way. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and every girl is different on how she wants to be treated or what makes her feel good. However, this entry will cover some things I feel might be ways you can help comfort your partner. There is no “definitive” way to make her feel good and I can’t say this will work for every girl, but these are things for guys (or girls) to consider. Remember that your commitment to your girlfriend or wife should be just-cause not to feel that you don’t need to be a part of her life every week of a month.
I recently typed up an answer for Yahoo! Answers to any inquiry from a male about what he can say/do for his girlfriend while she is on her period and here’s my reply. It was chosen as the “Best Answer” so I decided it’d be good enough to be reposted:
Best Answer – Chosen by Voters
Really, words mean nothing at a time like that. Also, saying sorry is like something you say at a funeral or something. You shouldn’t be sorry or feel sorry for her that she’s having her period, it is a normal bodily function. Sorry also implies negativity towards periods and it should be necessary that men and women do not view menstruation as some kind of “bad” thing. Take some time to understand her period from both an anecdotal (from her experience) and educational point of view, use books, magazines, articles, online, etc. to find information pertaining to her body and menstruation.
You can’t make the pain she’s going through better, since it is her body, but you can do things that will make her as comfortable as she can be. If she has cravings, let her have it, there’s nothing worse than resisting a craving because all that does is cause crankiness. If there’s something she asks you to do and it’s reasonable, try to accommodate her. A massage, warm bath and just being there for her will do more for her than anything you can say – because actions are what matters. If she’s still capable of going about, take her to do an activity which removes her attention away from her period/pain. While initially she might feel that the pain is disabling her from concentrating on the activity, show enthusiasm, get her into it so she’s not constantly thinking about the pain. I cannot say that this will remove the pain, but it makes no difference whether she’s crunched up and feeling the pain or whether she’s doing something and still feeling it.
Actively helping her out in things she would normally do would help take the stress of her “thinking about her responsibilities”.. if there’s things that need to be done around the house, do it. Your sole goal is to make her feel as relaxed as possible because stress will compound the pain she feels. Helping her feel at-ease will provide a form of stress-relief which will relax muscle tension and potentially reduce the pain (or at least not make it worse).
Let her fall asleep in your arms, skin-to-skin contact with someone she cares about is an excellent psychological relief. Just be remember that you have to be understanding and sometimes be willing to bite your tongue. It doesn’t mean you should AVOID her, but menstruation is very taxing on the body, mind and is triggered by flares of hormones. It is possible she might be more sensitive to things you say or do, especially things that would not normally trigger negative emotions.
If you two are ready to engage in sexual activities, I should suggest to you that one of the best natural pain-relievers for cramps or otherwise painful periods is an orgasm. You can either allow her to do that on her own, or do it for her. She might be resistant to it, but mind you she will be glad afterward because many girls report that an orgasm or sexual stimulation helps alleviate their cramps.
Lucky for you, part of the site I run is “menstruation basics for men” – something that you might be particularly interested in if you are not sure what you can do for your girlfriend while she is on her period. It is menstruation simplified for guys (without gory details) but gives you a good understanding of what menstruation is about. There are also helpful tips on what YOU can do as a boyfriend with contributions from myself, other authors and female posters.
Here’s the most important thing you can say to her, “How can I help you?” … only she will know what you can do to make her feel best!
Beyond that, here are some thoughts about what you can do to make the best of her period:
- Be informed! You’re a much better boyfriend or husband when you understand what she’s going through
- Participate in physical activities with her as exercise tends to reduce cramping or period-pains. Exercise is not something that’s important only when she’s on her period, but also regularly, as moderate exercise throughout the month will help regulate her menstrual cycle and side-effects.
- Avoid expressing your discomfort, grossness or negativity towards menstruation and brush her off. You’re together because you’re supposed to be together for better or worse, not only when you see fit
- Help her pick up her pads and tampons from the store, especially if she’s not capable of doing it herself (Read Feminine Hygiene Basics, Maxi Pad Basics for Men and Tampon Basics for Men)… please get the rights ones so you won’t piss her off even more
- Don’t be greedy, if she needs a “girl’s night out” let her do so and encourage her to enjoy herself!
- Don’t point out the fact that she’s being moody or irritated, you really think she doesn’t know that?
- Steer away from causing more stress than she already has… avoid any “surprizes” or asking for her judgment for any large-scale questions or decisions (When her mind is more clear and her hormones aren’t speaking on her behalf, more rationale decisions can be made)
- Let her indulge, she’s not going to gain 10lbs overnight just because she ate an extra chocolate bar… attempting to act against her cravings is like kicking yourself in the nuts. Even if she’s on a diet or the food is “not the greatest for her” – if it comforts her, you’ve won half the battle, LET HER HAVE IT
- Keep your guy-friends away from her, guys tend to be a bit potty-mouthed when it comes to being sensitive to a girl’s time of the month, so unless you have well-behaved male friends, avoid exposure to social interaction between them and your girl
- Make her a nice warm bath or give her a heating-pad for her pelvic-area as that’ll alleviate the effects of stomach cramps. I remember a not-so-smart guy decided to use a plastic water bottle with hot water poured in it as a replacement… not a good idea. Don’t stick around, let her enjoy the peace and quiet and not feel obligated to you
- Do anything that’ll soften her heart… tell her she’s beautiful (because she is), tell her you love her (because you do) and anything that’ll melt them to little-itsy-pieces
- Lots of girls are hornier during her period – set the mood for her and if she’s willing, you’re in luck
- Although this is not necessarily related to comforting her, remember that it does not mean a girl can not get pregnant during her period
- Give her a lower-back or lower-abdominal massage
- If her conditions require pain-killers, make sure you have them available and offer it to her as necessary
- Take part in her menstrual cycle, talk to her about concerns you may have if you see menstruation being unbearable for her to encourage her to consult a medical professional
- Be aware that sometimes she will do things out of the ordinary because of hormonal fluctuations and don’t take it personally, resist the urge to fight back
- Get her to open-up if you can about her period. It is embedded in most girls that periods should be a hidden thing and an often uncomfortable discussion with men. Getting her to open-up about her period will help you understand what you can do for her and perhaps make her feel more at-ease when she’s on her period around you
- Help her keep track of her period, which might also be in your interest to know when she’s getting close and about to start. If you keep good track, your records might be even better than hers
- In regards to the above point, her period is still her private matter if she talks to you about it. Don’t talk to her friends/family about it unless you know she is comfortable and willing. She trusts you with that information, therefore it is inadvisable to alert others of it
- If she doesn’t want you near her during that time, buy her sex toys or something that allows her to enjoy herself, privately – orgasms relieve cramps, this is scientifically proven
- Fulfill her daily tasks because she probably isn’t up to them… it isn’t going to kill you to do things around the house
- Don’t be flirty, teasing or a pervert – unless she wants you to be – around her during her period, she’s not in the mood to listen to you talk about how hot one of her girlfriends look
I remember having a lot more points than this, but I always forget to jot them down as they come to mind. I’ll add to this as the opportunity presents itself! Here’s your chance to show your girlfriend or wife you really care about her, including menstruation. There’s no excuse to avoid her like the plague, 365 days a year, she’s your girlfriend or wife!
Just to finish it off, found an amusing FML today:
Today, I finally felt ready to take my bra off during sex. My breasts had “deflated” somewhat due to weight loss and I was really self-conscious about them, but my boyfriend insisted I was hot no matter what. When the bra came off, the dick got soft. FML#8793926 (95) On 03/03/2010 at 4:24am
Posted on March 3, 2010, in Periodtastic and tagged Education, Educational, Family, Health, Help, Interests, Menstrual, Menstruating, Menstruation, Opinion, Periods, PMS, Relationship, Taboo, Thoughts, Women, Women's Health. Bookmark the permalink. 94 Comments.