A Little is a Lot

The other day, I was musing over the stark contrast over the two sides of my family. On one side, I can return home and be treated like a king. I can have my slippers at my bedside, breakfast brought to me, someone to wash my face when I get up, not wash my own clothing, can order foot anytime I want and even if I really wanted to have my ass wiped for me after taking a crap. However, looking on the other side of my family, it is a major contrast… where my aunt at is working for just enough money for flat-rental and enough to cover for food. At the end of the month, savings = $0 unless it is a lucky month or they picked up some weekly sales. Their lifestyle is unhealthy, often eating fast-foods because it is cheap and easy. I saw my aunt last year when I went to visit her and boy did she ever gain weight. After my grandmother passed away a few years, there were no longer good healthy meals or broth to drink. Almost everyone in that household gained weight from poor eating habits and stress. One side is living in subsidized government housing and the other half is living in multi-…. well nevermind, you get the idea.

A few months ago, we were told my Grandfather (maternal) had been diagnosed with intestinal cancer and some other small illnesses. Given that he will be turning 90 this year, he honestly couldn’t care less and didn’t worry too much about it. He felt he lived his life, but of course my aunts would want to seek medical assistance for him. After several months of tests, surgeries, and days in the hospital, I am happy to say he’s about to return home healthy! However, because private hospitals were the only chance of him surviving, it also meant my aunt had to pay for all the medical expenses. Given my aunt normally makes just enough to cover for rental and food, she had to do major modification to finances just to make ends meet. I thought to myself the other day how brave and selfless she is and it moved me. Of course not only that, but also since he is my grandfather, the little bit I could do for him (since they’re 13,000 km’s away) is to provide some financial assistance. The money was to be sent in the form of an encouragement for him to stay strong and healthy and to give him food to buy some good food/herbs to strengthen his body and whatever left to be a “treat” to spend on whatever he likes. I sent him a few thousand dollars which to me, I could say is a lot or a little. To my dad’s side however, the minuscule amount of money I sent would be a joke, however, my mom called my aunt the other day and she was so thankful as she’d now be able to cover the hospital fees for quite a while (backdated).

I started thinking how “little” something could be to someone but “how much” something could be to another. I am not very rich myself (family is another thing) and all the money I could shell out was sent, what I hardly considered a fortune, but them, it was like I just sent them a winning lottery ticket. What I can say though is the amount of happiness I felt when she sent her words of gratitude just took my breath away. Although I recognize that sending money is not really the best way to show care for my grandfather, it is all I can do for now until I return to Hong Kong later this year. I also told me mom that we’d hold a “big 90th birthday” celebration for him – because surely, it is not everyday that families are able to celebrate a 90th birthday together. To think of how little my mom’s side can live on while looking at the way my dad’s side spends money and the wealth we’re submerged in really makes makes my head spin! I think about some of the meals we eat and realize the money we spent could likely be an entire family’s monthly meal on my mom’s side. Oh, how life is unfair sometimes.

Today I was called on an emergency by one of my uncles to help one of his nieces. We’re “relatives” so technically, the girl I was helping isn’t really a cousin – but certainly, in Chinese culture I would definitely consider her “one of my own” – especially because we did spend time together as kids when they lived in Canada. Nevertheless, I felt very happy today because of the gratitude she showed. She insisted on paying me for my services to help her fix her computer (well and I had to travel about 100 km’s) but she did treat me to lunch. I should mention it isn’t one of those “cheapie” Japanese restaurants, it was a nice upscale REAL Japanese restaurant… not all-you-can-eat, but the ones that cost an arm and a leg for each item, lol. Whenever I eat out with people, I still look for the “worth” of an item and do not order frivolously just because I’m not paying. She found it awkward I ate only a sashimi bento. Nevertheless, the sashimi was amazing and seriously, I think I’m addicted to it, hahaha.  But anyways,back to the point was that coming from a rich family, she ordered food likes nuts (even though she couldn’t finish it) and chose an expensive place to eat, where as I, would’ve chosen a more modest place!

I think today, we were both very happy. She showed so much gratitude and appreciation and kept on thanking me throughout the day for helping her with her computer problems. Although it was a pretty expensive drive to her place and effectively killed the time I had off today, I felt a huge sense of accomplishment. Although I am not a doctor keeping people alive everyday or in a very prestigious job, I feel overly excited when people take the time to show genuine appreciation. I am turning older in a few days and that’s gotten me very down… but the past few days of doing “good deeds” have really lifted up my spirits. I truly want to believe that building good karma will help me along life, staying happy, mentally healthy and help develop my love-life. Does being a good person really result in good fortunes happening? Well, we’ll find out to see if I can really move the girl of my dreams one day… someday soon hopefully!

Good night everyone, hope today was as good for everyone as it was for me! Better yet, I have tomorrow off, so time to sleep in!

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About Prexus Swyftwynd

Probably not a good idea for you to know anything about me....

Posted on March 21, 2010, in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 38 Comments.

  1. 做好事不求回报,只求心安。

    • I want to believe that 做好人,有好报…. if not, I will lose sense of direction. Deep down, sometimes I can be very evil. I can find happiness in both doing good things and/or bad things. What keeps my mind straight is the believe that doing good things can give me “better” happiness than if I were to do bad things. In the past, I have fallen off the belief that 好人有好报 because I’ve seen a lot of bad things happening to good people and made me very resentful. I understand what you mean by not “expecting” good things to happen, but truly, if it was not for that belief, I’d be doing a lot of bad things right now to accomplish what I want without regards to others. Whatever/whoever stands in my path towards what I want will crumble – but I don’t want to be a person who loses sense of what is moral, right and just – even if this is not the “best” approach, it is a “safe” approach by believing there is at least some kind of feeling of a reward, especially towards my love-life that is very complicated right now. Without this “safety net” I worry that I will do things to people even if it’s 一拍兩散…. haha. I can be so nice, yet so cruel when I need to be. I prefer to be my happy and smiley self, believing that building good karma will result in some kind of good and positive energy.

  2. I believe in that too…. Being good to someone will not be returning by that person to you. But, somehow ( I dunno how…. haha ), good things will happen back to you and you will not sense it.. So, no harm acting good….. 😛
    However, in some extent, when you had reach your max, you will enjoy being someone evil….
    This is human nature….
    Everyone is the same…. ^^

    • Actually I don’t do a lot of good things towards her specifically, because then it just seems really awkward if I cater to every whim of her, haha.. I do good things because it makes me happy and feel as if I’ve accomplished something. I’m not saying doing good things to her will make her like me, it is about building a positive aura, being a person who I can make her equally proud or feel the same feelings. None of my actions are “targetted” towards her, it is a matter of me hopefully believing that “What goes around, comes around.” – whether that means making good friends, having a smooth love-life, good health or whatever that might be. I rarely keep track of who has or hasn’t done what for me if I’ve done something for them (except for a few people I know who like to take advantage of people, then I “play it even”) – otherwise, I don’t care. There are some people that I purposely know I spoil them, but still do it 😀

      I recall the time when I started becoming evil is when I felt that being a good person no longer had any type of “reward”. I saw good people die tragically, I seen good people hurt by others, I seen good people being fired from their jobs, I seen good people be hurt by evil people who did not stand up for themselves… since good people seem so “plushy” I decided if being bad even seems MORE rewarding, why not be evil, right? Of course that attitude has changed as I (hopefully) grew up and became older. Nevertheless, I think back and sometimes those thoughts still linger in my head. If being good/evil has no benefit on either scale, what would a person rather be? If there are no rewards or penalty, what would someone rather be? In fact, I’ve seen so many “bad people” live a wealthy and longer-life than some good, LOL.

      • Growing older and older, dont you see things from more angle??
        DOnt you think more before you actually have a final conclusion on that??
        Is the ‘good’ person really good and is the evil one really a devil???
        We cannot judge them if we are not close with them and while we do not know them in depth…
        There is nothing else as complicated as human being….
        Just be yourself and feel no regret on your act and on your decision….
        Maybe you are actually acting good in the eye of A but you are actually someone evil in the eye of B….

        Doing something bad….
        It does happen to me… As I said previously, when you had pushed me to some extent, to my max.. I will just be the worst person that you had never ever met…. 😛

        So, be yourself and as long as you are happy with it, who cares….. ^^

  3. WEI! That’s right… your birthday coming up soon. Yur BeBe have any surprizes for you? Going to do dindin w/ her or smthg? Maybe she do something special for you, kekekeke.

    好人有好报 is true… maybe not now, maybe not in a month, but sometime for sure. No good deed goes unrewarded. I know what you are wishing for your bday this year ^___~ Whatever you do, think of her… if you do something bad, might affect you in ways you don’t see. There are a lot of hidden elements in life and as long as you stay true to your hearts and goals, you will not fail lah.

  4. Sophia, yes it’s true… you learn to see things from different angles, maybe TOO MANY angles sometimes, haha. My mom says the same thing too, that I only consider what I see at the immediate moment, versus wondering whether these “bad people” truly live a glorious life. I suppose there are 101 ways to find happiness in life, some maybe “right” and some might be “wrong”… hai… you’re right, being human is so complex… but it is only because society has developed us in such a way. Human life used to be so simple, I think back to era where people married out of love, stayed together no matter what and life was simplistic, finding happiness with day-to-day life and do not seek as much materialistic and frivolous things as people do today.

    Even though I spent a lot of time grieving over my relationship problems and makes me very stressed out and unhappy, I am still very happy I’ve found her. I hope one day, all this pain, she will also bring me great happiness. I know that if we ever reach that stage, she will bring me all the joys of the world, more than what I could ever ask for. Sometimes momentary pain will bring every lasting joy. I feel no regret on all the effort I use on her and I will continue to act on my decision 🙂 She worries about whether she can repay me with so much effort I expend on her, but I tell her that it is out of my feelings for her that I do the things I do, and I won’t regret it because it may or may not come to fruition – but my feeling for her is not a bank loan that has a calculated interest or repayment. If it does pay off, great… if it doesn’t, I feel no regret knowing I’ve felt what it feels like to fall for her.

    Amy, yar, haha.. 2 more days to go leh, getting older now. Hopefully more wise and mature – make better decisions that help me walk a good path! I don’t think she has much in store for me, she won’t even eat lunch/dinner w/ me >.> let alone any surprize event or something. Aii… some things too good to wish for la. As long as I even have a good dream, I will be very happy – haha. Barely wants to acknowledge me as a person… I get pissy because she probably spends a lot more time with her friends more than me, even if she has no time she finds time for them, but not me. Diu, don’t even want to talk about it. I hate “comparing” because it is normal to have other friends, but just the equality in the way she treats people is so unfair. I can acknowledge that she has known her friends and built up relationships much longer than us two have, but seriously, 2-3 hours for dinner once in a while should not kill her. I like her friends because I can tell they bring her a lot of joy and means a lot to her and that’s great. Sometimes I flip to being angry with them because she can rely on them and thus, doesn’t feel the need to spend time with me. A bit of greediness for wanting her jeh, is not so wrong.

    We will see what happens, I’m pretty sure what you’re thinking for my birthday wish is probably 100% accurate, haha.

    • SOunds like I am talking like your mom…. NOOOOOOO…. This should not happen…. But, it happened…. 😄
      Erm.. Since when there is simple life?? Finding happiness for day-to-day??? You watch too much soap series?
      Wake up and come back to the reality. Bring yourself back to B.C…. Human beings are already that complicated. Human beings are NEVER EVER simple. X.X

      • Probably old enough to be my mom too… muhahhaha, ZING la!

        I don’t think it has to do so much with drama, but even listening to my grandparents talk about how life was like. Amidst war, poverty, famine… you could truly believe in love – not a relationship bound by small trivial matters. Life was about having enough to eat for the next day and celebrating life in the moment. There is no era where “life is perfect” and likely never will be, but life was simplistic then, have food, shelter and clothing. Entertainment was spending time together, with friends, family, fellow villagers. I am not think super-far back like thousands of years ago, just within a few generations back, like 清朝.

        I hate stupid relationship problems, divorces, abortions, etc. (ok, maybe abortion is always a “relationship problem”) – but point is, I value many things that isn’t valued in modern time anymore. I was definitely not meant to be born in 19xx’s haha.

        I really like watching dynasty movies, relationships were in the most natural forms. You love someone enough and suddenly all else doesn’t matter. Relationships are complex now, you want your gf/bf to have this, have that, have money, nice car, good looks, big house, big 弟弟 (think between a guy’s leg… lol), everything “big” and “lots”… ai… haha.

        Hope I was born 100 years ago, life is simpler then, even if you are worried about a bomb being dropped on your head, at least there was true, unselfish love, compassion and sympathy.

        I was bugging Poh Ching to come visit me in Canada 😄 you should come with her! See the big great Niagara Falls and CN Tower, lol.

  5. Can you survive yourself if you were born 100 years ago?
    No internet, no msn, no this, no that….. 😛
    Can you sacrifice all these?
    有得必有失。
    Think twice, which you prefer….. 😛
    Canada for vacation?
    Erm… Sounds interesting and seducing… hehe….
    Anyways, I am looking forward to Canada…. Not sure when but will go…
    At least 10k (In Ringgit) if I am going…
    Students do not have so much money…
    ^^
    Which side of Canada you are in?

    • Ya I can, because that stuff didn’t exist. We feel we “can’t live without it” because we know what it is like to have it. If I were actually born at that time, all these things would be foreign… if I wanted to talk to someone, I’d go next door, travel there or use mail. Even up to 20 years ago, a lot of communication was by phone or letters, I remember long distance calls from Canada to Hong Kong used to cost $3 a minute. This was way before the internet was available to average consumers. People could live a perfect happy life without all these luxuries. I would rather have a technology-less life but be able to have a loving wife like my BeBe and lots of kids! Screw technology when a happy family can be achieved without all these things. It’d be great actually to have her spend time with me versus on the computer all day, hahaha.

      10,000rm, are you serious? LOL. Sorry, but I don’t generally fly business-class, hahaha. I actually met two Malaysian friends when they flew to Canada one time when I was younger, around 15-16 I think… it was rather cool! I gamed with them for 4-5 years and it was cool to finally meet them in person. I love showing people around and get to enjoy the look of admiration and happiness on their face when they see something cool or spectacular.

      I’m in Ontario, which is on the East side. From Hong Kong to ON is about 18 hours.. probably tack on a few hours for you. CPC said the same thing… but she did say she was planning to come after she graduates 😀 That’d be so cool… muha, imagine all the dirty jokes her and I would make… aiya… haha.

  6. RM10k means 3k or less in dollar… What’s the currency in Canada?
    Not business class k…. It’s just economy class… Flight ticket plus expenses… This is just the rough amount…..
    Erm.. let me guess how OLD are you… 😄
    kakaka…..
    Probably 30+? kekekke…..

    • WHAT THE FUCK, no, try 24! OMG… I’ll going to have to go to the shooting range today to take out my anger – I hate when people assume I’m older by THAT much.

      3K is a lot… I flew to HK high season for $1,800CAD. I know that it’s a bit farther to M.Y, but not an extra $1,200!!! Either that or your flights there cost a hell of a lot more.

      Anymore good advice for me.. MOM?!!

  7. LOL.. Really cant stop laughing when I read this….. 😛
    Need to be so angry o not o? It’s just 6 years difference… XoX
    kekekekeke…..
    YOU are ONLY 24… (okok… chill… I should stop being sarcastic…. hehe….. )
    YOU ARE STILL OLDER THAN ME GRANDPA…. 😄

    I know its damn expensive la…… 1.8k net? Accommodation, transportation, food etc etc….

    GRANDPA should give advices to grandchild…. O_O

    • 6 years is a lot… that’s 6 years closer to dying -_-”

      I am only 24 for one more day, then 25.. fuck, half a century old, haiizz… Birthdays are not happy anymore, they are a time of sadness and lots of crying in my room, LOL.

      Ya I know I’m older than you and that is why you should respect your elders, haven’t your parents taught you that? haha.

      Cost me 1.8K per person for flight… obviously other expenses not included. If you come here, don’t have to worry about transportation and food, only finding a place to stay. My mom doesn’t like me having girls in the house unless I’m actually dating them, lol.

      • Happy birthday uncle….. (:
        You are a bull…. A hot tempered one… 😛
        Enjoy your moment when you are still 20+….
        You will really drop down your tears when you have to start with 3 when counting on age… hehe……
        1.8k is a lot…..!!!
        2-3k can cover whole trip for us….
        My cousin sister is in Canada too…
        She’s at the North side if not mistaken….
        Transportation on you… 😛
        Food a… I pay myself la… Later you broke…. Haha… I can eat a lot….. ^^

  8. Haha, oh ya… it is 25th for you already. I still have 10 hours or so to bask in the glory of youth, LOL.

    Actually, a lot of my coworkers said life doesn’t even BEGIN until you’re 30… that’s when you start having a family and really enjoy life, hopefully with kids too. At 20, we’re just wandering minds and bodies all over the place, not knowing what to do with life and having no goals.

    Ya, it costs that much because we go during “high season”… Christmas time when things are expensive. However, that is a good time because I don’t have to take as many vacation days since we get some time off during that month. When my friends went during low-season, flight only costs $1,200 CAD.

    North side of Canada? You know, North is towards the “Canadian Arctic”… like Northwest Territories or Nunavut, LOL… where it’s like -30 degrees C everyday, haha. Are you talking about that north?! That’s nuts if so…

    Lots of food in Canada are all-you-can-eat (ya, that’s why we’re FAT), so you can eat all you want and only costs me the same amount, lol.. I’d rather you eat more to “get your money worth”… haha. Bring me presents when you come 😀

    Your cousin’s sister not your cousin meh? haha.

    • Please la….. 24 and 25 not much different k….
      You are acting like a gal who cares their age so much…. zzzzzzzz
      I think not that North la….. I forgot the name… She told me once…. hehe…..
      But, christmas time can go down to -20 at her place… (Not all year long)
      So, new nick for you… Fatty uncle Kenny…. Hahahhaha……
      What present you want? Malaysian gal friend?? LOL….
      What do you mean by my cousin’s sister not my cousin?
      I wrote my cousin sister….. Not cousin’s sister…. 😄

      • You suck for playing word-games with me, lol.. fine fine, cousin sister, haha.

        Ya, I do care about age, because I am a few years older than the girl I like, haha. I don’t want to leave her behind, haha… ya I know age gap doesn’t change, but life-style does once you hit a certain age 😛

        -20 is very normal Canadian winter temperatures, so not a big deal. We need snow tires here, haha. Have you seen snow before? 😀 … like I mean REALLY see it, being able to play with it? lol.

        Haha, it’s ok, I get used to being called fat. Fat to Chinese-standards, normal to Canadian-standards. Chinese standards dictate males must weigh less than 130lbs, lol. But anyways, that is changing…. doing lots of fat-burning exercise now, so I can be lengjai again.

        I’m pretty sure you’ll think of something for a present. No, don’t want a Malaysian gal friend… I have plenty of those as “friends”, I just want the one I have now to love me. Happen to know any spells or love potions? haha. I’m not greedy, only want one girl, one who will walk my path of life together with me hand-in-hand!

        You are lucky I don’t seen any picture of you eating food, or I’d call you FAT… very very lucky, haha.

  9. What do you expect? Now is 2am in Malaysia and you are expecting me to play word-games with you…..??? Replying you is good enough adi k…… 😛
    Not a real snow… But, ski before la…. In Korea… ^^
    Got such standard a? How come I dunno one a? I dun think is that litter la…. 130lbs… Erm…. 60kg…. Cannot be…….
    I am not skinny… This is what I can tell… 😄

    • Don’t even know why you’re still up 😛 Still talkin’ to that guy of yours? haha. Ski at least close enough to real snow. It could be fake or real, but at least still “snow”… if it’s wet and cold, ya, good enough, lol.

      < 130lbs is standard acceptable weight for HK guys… < 110lbs is standard weight for HK girls. Yummy… lol. Asian girls are short n' cute anyways, no need to weigh 180lbs 😆

      Haha, you are neither fat nor skinny… You don’t appear to have puffy cheeks, but you do whenever you smile ^__^ Very cute! Your hair is better when it is let down though, not pulled back 😛 Shoulder-length is good! Ever tried longer hair, like past shoulders?

  10. OMG… so much to read… my eyes, going blurry…

    I see you are very happy tonight, so obviously something very good happened meh? 🙂

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