Flame Under My Ass
Thought I wouldn’t write today since I expected to be out until later at night, however, I’m home – just had my dinner after a short boxing session. Now I’m sitting in front of my computer, typing this blog after watching with my mom a show called “Big Boys Club” or “兄弟幫” in Chinese. I often catch sections of this show and the whole show revolves around “experienced” men (of all ages, generally celebrities) talking about a chosen episode-topic and it is a discussion based upon very frank and straightforward answers. The whole idea is if you’re a participant on the show, whatever gets asked, you tell. A lot of them involve every-day things and often illicit some extremely personal questions or opinions. Nevertheless, I’m surprized at how many participants truly pour their hearts out. Anyways, before what I’m saying will make sense, let’s hold off and tell you my story for the day…
After work, my girlfriend and I were supposed to do a bit of chair shopping, since I recently set up her computer on her desk and now she really needs a proper chair to sit up straight. Yesterday, we had spent a great day together, setting her “new” computer up, rearranging some furniture, learning how to shoot/holster, getting some stuff done on her laptop, eating and of course, lots of talking. It was a very thrilling day and although at times I still had problems controlling my need of physical affection, I cannot complain that all-in-all, it was a very productive and satisfying day. We have been chair-hunting for a while and before I left for the night, she asked me whether we could meet up again tomorrow (as in “today”) and the cutest thing ever she asked said right after was, “Is that too soon?” You can imagine, that I never think it is too soon to see her, haha.. if I had the choice, I’d want to be there for her 24/7 😀 So we arranged to go to a store to pick up the chair she’s been eyeing for a while.
Today, I had been looking forward to the end of work all day, expecting another wonderful day… perhaps this does show one person cannot have ‘too much luck’ all in a single week. Suffice to say, today was definitely not as great as yesterday and who’s “fault” it was is irrelevant and unnecessary. Before work ended, I had saw a bag of Sun Chips and a can of Pepsi, which I knew was her fav, so I picked them both up and left with them. When I got to her house, I gave her the snacks just as a small little treat for the ride to the store. The ride wasn’t long, but sometimes when you really feel affectionate towards sometimes, you find small ways just to let them know you’re always thinking about them. Maybe she saw it as “just food” and didn’t see the hidden meaning underneath it – but it was because I cared about her and always have her in my heart, therefore, even something as small as picking her up – I brought something for her!
When we got to the store, we mulled around for a few minutes before heading to the chair section. Upon arriving, we noticed that the chair she wanted, we proceeded to try out a couple others which were on-sale and thought perhaps one of those would suffice. We were told the chair she wanted (called the “79.99”-chair because we didn’t bother getting the name) wouldn’t be in until next week, so I had them check others stores, but to no avail. We were in there for quite a while and just ‘trying’ the chairs alone was a whole 45 minutes back-and-forth between the two chairs that were deemed “decently suitable”… however, one was quite a bit more expensive and the cheaper one didn’t provide her with the arm-support she wanted. Finally she finished playing around with the chairs and gave me this really dissatisfied look. Understandably, after coming all this way to get the chair, only to find out it wasn’t available is a bit dejecting.
Mind you, I was not angry at the fact she took a long time (not) picking-out a chair, because I am generally pretty patient (especially with girls) and watching her try out chairs WAS really fun. I should also mention today that I finally had this crazy revelation that I drool over my girlfriend… like really, she just used to be more or less cute and beautiful to me… and now the more I look at her, she’s becoming just downright sexy. Ok, so it’s nothing unusual for a boyfriend to drool over his girlfriend, but it was just “recently” that it finally has hit that point, haha…. so now she’s this awesome combination of cute, beautiful, and sexy. Anyways, let’s move on back to the original story…
I wonder if it’s true that people begin to take others for granted or don’t show the same level of appreciation as they once do when they’re together for a while. I asked her what she wanted to do after, hoping that she’d perhaps want to wander around somewhere nearby. She asked me if I had anything in mind, and I said, how about ____ mall? She said she had nothing to buy there so she didn’t want to go and asked me if I had to buy something there. I said no and she then said let’s just go home. I think at that point, I eyes just shot back to the back of my skull, because it was just yesterday that I reminded her that when we go places or see each other, it was just to spend time with each other, not necessarily because we go to a mall it must mean we have to have a purchasing objective. Nevertheless, I sighed and she still didn’t catch on. Sometimes I find she doesn’t “get my hints” and maybe that’s just because we haven’t been together long enough. I’m a very “visually surfaced” person, as in, it’s pretty obvious to tell my mood just by looking at me, unless I’m explicitly trying to hide it and in this case, I wasn’t.
So I proceeded to drive her back home, still miffed about the fact that it almost like she’s starting to take things for granted. I always try to find a balance to “treating girls like a princess” yet not trying to let them fall into the “princess syndrome”. Of course I truly care about her, I want to spoil her, I want to be the one she depends on, I want to be around her, even if it is something as simple as buying groceries, but I want her to still feel appreciative of things I do for her. I’m not asking her to grovel at my feet and treat me like a king, but I just think that she should know that I did purposely pick her up from her house, drive her to the store (which is actually on the opposite-side of town by MY house), and then of course offer to drive her back home… however, I felt it was very inconsiderate when she didn’t even think of me and want to spend some time with me at the mall, even if it was aimless wandering. I’m not “keeping track” and saying who owes who what, but certainly, I don’t want her to feel as if I’ve become her slave who doesn’t “deserve” anything beyond helping her and then taking her home.
On the way back, I really expected a bit of cheering up or in Cantonese, we call it “tum” (sorry, the character is too difficult for me to know how to write it, haha), for me… after all, it miffed me that she didn’t show any appreciation and just cared about going home since the chair wasn’t available… what happened to just enjoying time with me somewhere else? But anyways, as we pulled off the highway, 5 minutes from her house, I asked her what’s wrong. Then she asked me return what’s wrong >.> as if she couldn’t have asked that before I asked her – BLAH! I know that as a guy, it is our responsibility to “tum” the girl… but given a gender equality society we live in, I don’t think it’s ‘wrong’ to expect the girl to return the favour once in a while, especially if I was unhappy 😦
So as we arrived back at her house, I asked her whether she wanted me to come in or not. Luckily the saving grace was she said, “Sure, if you want.” although in a way it would’ve been nice for her to be more enthusiastic and be like “Sure, of course I do!” but hey – I guess you can’t ask for too much from luck sometimes. It was still a pretty quiet time, whether walking to her house or even in her room. Her first words were pretty much telling me not to sit on the “head” side of the bed, and I’m not sure whether that was for sanitary reasons or to continue spiting me :s I got rather bored doing stuff on my own laptop because all that was going through my head was all the stuff that happened, so I decided to ask to play Sims 2 on her computer and build a house since yesterday when we were playing, I didn’t want to hog the computer while she played the characters. Since today, she was doing some prep work for school, I had the liberty of being on the computer.
With this said, I want everyone to understand and know that I’m upset with her actions, I’m NOT upset with her as a person. In Chinese, the phrase “對事唔對人” comes to mind. I think some people might be confused as how someone could be “angry at a situation” but not the person because since the person is invoking the action to begin with. However, that is just what I am – I am not happy with what she done, but I am not unhappy with who she is as an individual. This comes to my usual question of whether a girl should likewise “cheer up” a guy if he’s not happy. Surely, it is most common to believe that it is a guy’s job to do it for the girl, but there may be times it warrants a bit of nudge-nudge-grin-grin from the girl to the guy as well!
My mom was always the type of woman who did not “take hints” well.. a lot of the times, she needs things laid out for her specifically. That was one thing my dad always told my mom she needed to improve on, was the fact that some things don’t need to be “said aloud” but rather, “taking hints” or being “tactful” (or 圓滑) is an important to an individual. Maybe I “expect” certain things to take place and I’m disappointed even more when it doesn’t. I did expect a bit of asking about my regards and a bit of cheering up from her when she saw I was upset, but all she did really was stare out the window. I have certainly known some people who are extremely “smooth” and can “talk their way” out of a situation. Sometimes when it comes to resolution, it really does come down to ‘defusing’ the situation. Sure, I might have been angry at one point, but all it takes sometimes is a word to change all that. I can’t be mad at her long, in fact, I feel better now after boxing anyways. Am I unhappy at what happened? Of course… but I’m not going to hold it against her for long and after a sleep, I’ll probably get over it anyways.
Back to my previous comments about the show, the “Big Boys Club”… there was one part that one of the participants said something really true and it really inspired me and suddenly I could feel myself calming down from this matter. He said, “女仔係帶返屋企錫” or literally translated is, “Girls is to return home to be kissed”…. – lol, and to translate it into the actual logical meaning, it is to say that “Girls are meant to be taken home to be loved.” and although my girlfriend has provided me with countless hours of anger, frustration and upset moments (and probably will continue to do that), I cannot deny that deep within me that she makes me happy, completes my life and is someone I truly care about and one day, love. On a good note is the fact that although she has told me that for the following 4 weeks, she’ll be enrolled in a Drivers Ed course (and therefore has no time for me on her usual ‘free’ day), she also told me that she’d probably be free on Thursday to spend time with me. Ahh… how she knows how to make me happy again 😛 I feel blessed to have her – it really is an amazing gift from the heavens!
She lit a flame under my ass today and it was not one of our “best moments” together… but just as I always remind her, every moment we get to spend together should be cherished, for better OR worse! I have to admit…. I can’t survive without her and she’s on my mind all the time… even when my eyes are closed and resting, every beat of my heart is just for her!
Posted on May 13, 2010, in Personal and tagged Blog, Family Life, Girlfriend, Life, Love, My Life, Opinion, People, Personal, Relationship, Shopping, Thoughts, Women, 兄弟幫. Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.