Monthly Archives: July 2010

Always Maxi Overnight Extra Heavy Flow with Wings Review is a Success!

For those who keep up with my blog and have recently read the recent review of Always Maxi Pads Overnight Extra Heavy Flow Review (yes, I’m aware my title above says the name differently – for a reason), I would like to thank you for your support and all the heartwarming feedback I have received. Several of my regular readers and even one-stop-shop ones have expressed to me that I should “consider doing more reviews” and have even taken  note that they find how accurate/detailed the reviews are, even for a non-menstruating male reviewing feminine hygiene. Seeing emails like this is what gives me the drive to continue my dedication towards my blog and readers!

For those who regularly post here, please continue to do so! For those who have not, you’re welcome to contribute at any time whether by post or by email as I’m always checking it (in fact, my emails all forward to my iPhone – yes, including MiM ones). I love keeping in touch with my readers, because they are really who inspire me with topics, opinions and make this community possible. Looking at my site statistics, I’m pleased with the hits received for the review and I’m even surprized to see I’m regularly getting hits for the one I did for U by Kotex All Nighter still with a regular influx of traffic. I think to myself all the revenue I could be generating by moving my site off from here onto my own servers where I can use things like AdSense and other money-generating schemes with all my readers – but oh well! Maybe I’ll create enough hype where Proctor & Gamble and Kimberly-Clark might want to start advertising their products on my site XD haha… ah dreams!

I just wanted to take this chance to read all my readers, whether you’re a first-timer or my regular group – your support is greatly appreciated and that the blog would not be a success without your visits! Cheers to all the individuals and groups who work to help shed positivity upon menstruation.

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Always Maxi Pads Overnight Extra Heavy Flow Review (20ea)

*our best all night protection*
*notre meilleure protection pour toute la nuit*

“unique heavy nights design
conception unique pour les nuits de flux abondant

“Our Longest Pad (15 inches)”
“Notre serviette la plus longue (38 centimètres)”

“Raised core helps fit your body
“Le centre surélevé s’ajuste mieux à votre corps

Extra Wide Back for Night Protection”
Très grande couvrance à l’arrière pour une protection de nuit”

Holy, that’s one hell of a title eh (Ended up shortening it, full name below)? So here you have it folks, finally the long-awaited (or well I hope long-awaited) review of the Always Extra Heavy Overnight Maxi Pads with Flexi Wings (Name officially defined by P&G)! I should mention upfront to my Canadian readers that I have yet to find a local retailer who stocks this product, so you will have to import it from the U.S. just as I have. Even looking on the Always Canada site, you will not find this product mentioned as the highest absorbency which Always makes in Canada is the “Maximum Protection” (red wrapper) ones. I have always found the Maximum Protection one already quite amazing with the coverage area and absorbency rate, but could not fathom them making anything even thicker and longer. Suffice to say, I’ve only seen pads made in Asia have such excess length – guess Proctor & Gamble finally caught up with the times!

Of course you can’t hear it in my voice, but I’m absolutely ecstatic to have opened my package today (which arrived Friday and picked up yesterday) to find the entire order fulfilled properly and clearing customs with no extra changes as promised by the company/courier. What’s more amazing is the site of these packages that I’ve been researching for ages now since they hit-the-shelves in the U.S. but have never had the opportunity to explore beyond what I find on the internet 😦 Well, I can finally turn that frown upside-down into a 🙂 now!

As excited I am about these pads, they did come with a hefty price tag (or am I just a typical cheap-Asian?). For a pack of 20, these cost me (not including shipping/taxes) $7.45CAD each. The reason why I make note of the currency of CAD is that these products are originally in USD. Henceforth, all dollar values should be considered as CAD unless otherwise stated. For those who follow my blog, you will know that I consider it absolutely ridiculous to pay $7.45 for pads, especially when there are only 20 of them per pack. However, what kind of menstrual blogger would I be if I didn’t man-up sometimes and just bite-the-bullet and buy something expensive for the sake of my readers?

I bought 4 of them and you might ask me why I would waste more money than I already have. First, the shipping is a flat-rate, therefore whether I buy one pack or four, it costs the same amount. Second, I like to share pads/tampons I get with some of my girls so they can help me test them out and just to spoil them every once in a while with “something new.” Third, there was a $4 off coupon for a purchase of 4 or more Always products! I also got lucky and managed to find there was also an additional $1 off coupon for select Always products and this happened to be one of them! For the sake of calculation however, let’s disregard these coupons and do it at face-value. I understand this will be cheaper for those who reside in the U.S. (because of cheaper taxes, shipping and currency), especially if they buy it in-bulk and in local retailers versus us having to order internationally. Each package contains 20 pads and at the rate of $7.45 a package, each pad is 37 cents each. On one of my prior reviews on the U by Kotex – Overnight Pads “All Nighter” I already complained at the fact that they were 32 cents each, so you can imagine how long I contemplated before clicking on the [Confirm Order] button!

All the pictures in this post also link to the “full sized” version, although I took them at 12MP quality I scaled it down so that way it wouldn’t eat up my site’s space allocation or people’s bandwidth. The pictures have been scaled to an “acceptable” but “high quality” resolution for your viewing pleasure!

Packing List - Contains 4 packages of "Always Maxi Pads, Overnight with Flexwings, Heavy"

This box was shipped to my workplace, so you can imagine me rolling my eyes when I noticed the words “Flexiwings, Heavy” hanging visibly off the side of the packing slip. One would imagine they’d take a bit more care to ensure privacy of their customers – but obviously not. Either the mail-room lady didn’t notice or didn’t care, but luckily beforehand I did a bit of lying and told her I “have a shipment coming for my cousin” – LOL.. it’s a good thing I think ahead eh? I thought at least if my box ever had to be opened to be checked, at least it’d be a good alibi, harhar. Actually I don’t think it was a big deal only because the lady at work sees enough packages going through her she doesn’t even care. Some people might wonder why I’d send it to work given the “risk” – but it’s because there’s not someone home all the time to receive (while there is at work 24/7) and because having it delivered to my work is actually safer than to my own house. My mom has this habit of going through my stuff and being nosy, so I’m sure if I had to shipped to my house, she would have opened it 🙄

*Not an advertisement* This is where I got it from for guys n' girls who might be interested (Drugstore.com)

And then finally, after a long awaited weekend + 1 day, I finally got to open my box of treasures:

4 Packs of Always Extra Heavy Overnight pads arriving safe & sound

I think that package has a pretty nice design and suffice to say, it’s a very “feminine” type look – reminding women that purple is supposed to be a “girly” colour. Given that this particular package was targeted for the U.S., they writing appeared in English, French and Spanish. I must say that this is one of the nicer colours used by Always as it’s a nice cross of purple and lavender.

For vertical placement on shelving units

For vertical placement on shelving units

For horizontal placement on shelving units

For horizontal placement on shelving units

I must say the design of the package is pretty cool as it can be placed vertically and horizontally on shelves while maintaining a visible presence on the shelves. The above pictures aren’t a play-on-images but in fact, the pad package is designed for fittings of both arrangements which is fairly ingenious. Both methods of shelving placement allows the same information to be displayed towards the customer.

The picture starting from the left is the top-view of the pad package which displays some features of the pad along with a catchy slogan. On the side is a “plastic window” which allows you to see the contents of the package along with contact information and their self-promotion about their Protecting Futures campaign in Africa. On the opposite side there’s more information pertaining to the a “meter” of different absorbency, instructions on how to apply/dispose the product, manufacturer date and as well as the fact it’s “Made in Taiwan” (which is interesting). I should mention while almost all convention pads should not be flushed (obviously as indicated by the instructions), these pads are larger than normal ones so you’re almost setting yourself up to get a clog! The last picture is just the UPC code and branding.

Always Extra Heavy Overnight Pad in full wrapper format

Always Extra Heavy Overnight Pad in wrapper tab-side

This has been one of the smoothest wrappers that Always has made (that I have laid my hands on) and very similar to the Whisper ones I have found in Hong Kong. While it looks like the typical ones made by Always for the regular, super, overnight, it actually has more of a soft, powdery-type feel to it. When the pad is enclosed in the wrapper, it measures 10cm x 15cm and quite thick, although easily concealable within a bag/purse/pocket.

Always Extra Heavy Overnight Pad half opened Always Extra Heavy Overnight Pad fully opened

Most of the Always pads in the self-peeling wrappers take about 2 pulls to open with 3 folds total. However, with the Always Extra Heavy Overnight pad, it actually requires 3 pulls with 4 folds total, one tucked underneath the 3rd-fold. For some, it may be cumbersome to open, but the packaging method allows it to retain the same “form” as the pads in the same line of products and is what most women who use Always are familiar with. Furthermore, the thickness is not tremendously affected by the additional length and the extra fold and is a great way not to have to generate any additional waste to compensate for the greater length of the pad. The pad itself is a lengthy 38cm or 15 inches long!

The above pictures depict the wings of the pad being revealed by gently removing the top-side adhesive strip either towards the back or front of the pad (bi-directional removal). While I mentioned that it is possible for the removal of the strip in both directions, it’s naturally designed for removal from the “front-to-back” as shown in the left-hand picture. The second picture is simply a close-up of the wings revealed as a result of the removal of adhesive strip. The top-side adhesive strip when removed is 25cm long and 7cm wide.

In order to display the wings in a fully-extended fashion, I had to let the adhesive come in contact with the wrapper. Let’s just say the wings are great because it’ll adhere well to fabric! Removing the wings off the wrapper afterward was a pain, which means you can rest assured that the wings will help keep the pad secured to prevent bunching or shifting. The wings are a great size as well, plenty to wrap around the crotch of conventional panties or undergarment. The coverage area from the tip of one wing to another is 16.5cm and considered the “middle” of the pad (where the vaginal opening would be directly above if placed well). The raised core also helps conform to the shape of your body and reduce the gap between the pad and your body, thus, the flow will be intercepted quicker and prevent back-flow or side leaks (unless completely saturated). The design of the pad based on the channels are to prevent the bulk of the absorption in the middle (thickest area), with side-walls prevent leaks off the edges and to channel anything the middle can’t catch towards the back. I take it that the minute holes distributed also helps with absorption speed versus amount which the material underneath takes care of and allows a degree of air-flow for comfort.

What I also noticed was that it tackle odour excellently! Even upon great saturation the pad did not emit its own smell (the material) nor did it emit any other foul odour which may emanate from the pad. This is a big surprize as one would think a pad designed for such heavy flow would undoubtedly be unable to contain the smell – however, this was not the case! This is a big advantage for women who not only have heavy flows, but also flows that you rather not have everyone around you smelling. What added to my surprize over the odour-control was the fact the pad is unscented – so obviously the designers did a great job in that respects.

This is the front portion of the Always Extra Heavy Overnight Maxi Pad. The front at its greatest width measure 12cm. Having listened to some feedback, I have heard that given the entire size of the pad, the narrowness of the front was not tremendously accommodating, however, it does provide sufficient coverage, especially because menstrual flow tends to travel backwards (towards the butt) so large coverage area towards the front may not be as heavily required. However, this irked some people since the whole point of this pad was to be the “ultimate overnight protection.” Suffice to say, with the pad placed properly – aligning the winged/centre area directly underneath the vaginal opening will allow speedy and maximum absorption for menstrual flow. I found that flow when directly expelled on the raised-core area was absorbed extremely fast and kept the top of the pad dry. The wings were not a hindrance to the pad’s ability to keep the flow locked in the centre of the core.

To the right of this paragraph is the rear portion of the pad which boasts a one-of-a-kind flanged back coverage, which looks winged-like. The “rear wings” do have some capacity for adhesives and it’s necessary for them to be placed properly on panties/undergarment for maximum effect. I have mixed reviews about these rear wings because they may act as an irritant and also hard to get one, although once aligned and placed, it acts to further ensure the pad does not shift or bunch and will conform to body movement, particularly during night time. The widest part of the rear measures a hefty 17cm!

Always Extra Heavy Overnight Pad Thickness ~1cm

Always Extra Heavy Overnight Pad Thickness ~1cm

Given the thickness of the pad at approximately 1cm, it would be assumed that the pad is utterly uncomfortable. While the pad itself would not be considered “thin” by any means, I can certainly say that for such a high thickness level, it is not very noticeable. The picture itself does no justice since it doesn’t really represent it well, but serves only as an FYI or to satisfy an inquisitive mind as to how thick the pad really is and how could a review be complete without such information anyways? The sides of the pad are stitched well and I did not find any great flaws which may indicate poor quality or a potential leak hazard.

Always Extra Heavy Overnight remainder of the pad wrapper

Here lies the remainder of the pad wrapper, measuring a length of 44cm!! I must say, the overall review of this pad is fantastic, everything from the comfort to the protection it provides. Although the absorbency is comparable to that of the Always Infinity line, the texture of this pad is better than the Infinity. Where the Infinity had a paper-thin and Infinicel lock-in gel, this pad has a larger coverage area in-mind. Although I been accustomed to seeing the “cottony cover” design by Always (although it always feels plasticky), this pad had a very gracious feel against skin whether dry or wet. The absorbency was incredible as well for a “classic” pad line (non-Infinity) and would leave the top-cover dry almost immediately while providing comfortable air-flow. Furthermore, odour was contained well in the pad.

The length of this pad may be of concern for women (or flow-lovers) of smaller stature – however, it’s undoubtedly the leading pad in North/South America in terms of length and thickness (feel free to let me know if you find others) available. This pad other than for general overnight use is great for post-maternity. I can say I’m completely satisfied with my purchase, even though it came with a price tag that’d hurt most people’s wallet (or well, my credit card for the time being). The rear of this pad can be a bit of a bother if it’s not fully adhered to panties/ungarment as they tend to come up and may scratch against your bottom. Also, the pad takes a bit of getting used to since most people aren’t use to have something wrap all the way up (or at least half-way up) their butts either, unless you’re a frequent user of Sofy or Elis pads that go that far. Simply said for larger-sized women and those who experience tremendous amounts of flow during the night or day, this is a great product to try! If you’re looking for thin and discrete comfort, this is definitely not your pad – but if you’re looking for reliable and long-lasting protection, this is it!

The amount this pad is capable of absorbing before it even begins to show visible signs of saturation is huge. Even when saturated, it holds fluid in very well and keeps the top-cover cool and comfortable. At “later stages” of over-saturation though, my only concern would be the fact the material within the pad at the rear seems to move forward (towards the stomach) a bit, leaving the rear of the pad a bit dangly. This only happened under intense movement such as sports, rapid leg movements (fast-walk) and lots of sitting/standing. Nevertheless, even with all these movements pitted against the pad, there were not even signs of leaks. You don’t see many pads available which offer the rear flared protection like this pad does! Wetness barely even came above the surface under this instance, leaving a very positive overall impression.

The comfort level, albeit the length and thickness, is pristine and there is no abrasion caused by the top-cover of the pad. Like most pads, there are potentially people who may be allergic to the material and composition, but have not seem any cases at-large or experienced any rashing/itchiness through my experimentation. The weight of the pad is questionable for comfort, although if you look at the pad and actually pick it up to feel the weight, it’s considerably less than one might assume. For the size of the pad, I would definitely consider this “lightweight material” which is quite impressive. The wings easily said (both middle and rear) helps keep the pad in place and moves along with your body comfortably.

I can only smile and give me thumbs-up in approval of the Always Extra Heavy Overnight Maxi Pads with Flexi Wings. Don’t count on your boyfriend not being able to see that you’re having your period, but you can bet it’ll keep you safe throughout the night or on those really heavy days as I’ve seen reports of some women and even a woman I know who uses these regularly throughout her period. Obviously for some, practicality rules over the comfort of thin pads – but you can bet this one provides you with a sense of security, not only because of the thought itself, but the feeling of physical security knowing that something is there to catch almost anything you can throw at it! This is a great replacement pad as well for women who need to use multiple pads (at a time) during their period to get enough coverage or those who resorted to using incontinence pads large enough to absorb their flow. I understand many women going through menopause also suffer from sporadically heavy flows which this pad may alleviate the stress you endure from worries about leakage.

I hope potential users of this product (or maybe even current ones) have found this review to be useful and will help you make a well-informed decision on whether you want to try or continue using this product! Once again, this is a review for the Always Extra Heavy Overnight Maxi Pads with Flexi Wings purchased at www.drugstore.com shipped to Canada, getting the thumbs up from your friends & authors @ MEN in Menstruation!

Mystery Package Has Arrived!

Yay – so I know it has been a while since I’ve made a period-post, so you should all be happy to know that there will be coming up very soon. Today I went to pick up a package I ordered from a retailer in the U.S. Therein contains some very exciting packages! I’m sure it’s pretty obvious what I ordered – given the nature of this blog, but I have yet to tell anyone the actual contents of it! I’m all excited because the item that was shipped to me isn’t available in Canada (or at least not that I know of) so it’ll be a big surprize for the Canadians! I don’t see why they can’t release the same pads in Canada as they do in the U.S.!

I really did splurge quite some money acquiring this, but I’ll use the excuse, “for the sake of my readers and blog” that I’m doing this, lol.. it’ll make me feel a bit better with how much I paid to acquire this 😆 Nevertheless, I can’t say that I’m unhappy myself, just wish it was a bit cheaper 😛 I picked it up this afternoon from work and I have yet to crack open the box – I’m trying to create a bit of suspense even for myself – but the real reason is that I need to arrange a place for me to put these items discretely. I bought these because my god-sister was asking me to get them because she’s been telling me all these great reviews/stories she’s read about how amazing they are – so of course knowing me – how could I possibly turn down such an opportunity?

I’m hope to have a review up for this item once I test it soon! I already have my new camera out so that I can start capturing high-resolution images of them versus using my iPhone camera which did less-than-stellar pictures. I’m sure Cherrie might really like this item too because of the ones she likes ^__^ I’m sure she’ll have a couple of words to say once I get the pictures and review up, haha. I’m so excited and so is my friend Sonia who I promised to give her a few to try as well!

Today after 2 weeks of running, it’s the first day where my muscles have locked up. I’m lying in my bed right now because my legs hurt. The back of my calf feels like someone is constantly pulling on it. Damn running hurts! I must say, I’m quite surprized that it took 2 weeks before signs of pain started showing up – I would’ve expected sooner. I guess this is my body’s way of telling me to “take it easy and slow down” rather than trying to push myself over the limits. I suppose I should also run a lower-grade right now, but unfortunately this cheapo-treadmill only has a fixed ramp angle and can’t be changed. Alternately, I guess I could always run out on the street which is a more standard running angle. Oh well, we’ll see where this takes me anyways.

So I’m tired now and I’m going to sleep. Don’t think I’ll even bother watching my TVB series tonight because I’m pooped. Going to call it an early night so I can get up for work tomorrow. I can’t wait ’til tomorrow anyways so I can actually open the box! Oh – the funny thing is the packing slip on the front actually showed the contents within if someone really paid attention, LOL… hope the lady who does the mail at work didn’t notice (or didn’t care :P) .. they need to be more careful when packing my damn box, haha. I’ll take a picture of it from inside-out tomorrow in preparation for my review!

Toddles for now, hope you’re all as excited as me for this (unknown) maxi pad review!

Weekend Updates/Thoughts and Paying for Pain

Hiho Again,

Just wanted to update you on all my happenings this weekend – or well, at least a day of it. Yesterday, I went out to the TCM doctor again except I was unsuspecting to what she had in store for me. I’m sure everyone already read about my moaning and bitching over the pain of having my back scraped by a shark fin-shaped tool causing immense and long-lasting pain to my back. This week, the pain was even worse because of two things. 1 was because she used needles in different spots on the front along with using the electroshock machine and also because she kneaded/pinched fat. I will elaborate later on for those who do not understand the concept.

Traditionally (or maybe I should say in my past history), the acupuncturist only did electroshock on my back and not on the front. Electroshock depending on the intensity of the jolt along with the placement of the needle ranges from comfortable, sensational, to slightly painful. I can usually endure the pain quite well on my back, maybe the nerve endings just don’t pick up as much. In the front, I tend to be more noticable of the pain, although the recent times it has only been upon the insertion of the needle. This time however, even after the insertion it was still painful for a while. Also, adding the electroshock meant I felt it even more than normal. She also used many different insertion points this time, to target getting rid of my stomach fat.

Electroacupuncture - can be heaven and can be hell

Electroacupuncture - can be heaven and can be hell

One would think that being poked at the meaty parts of your body would mean less pain – clearly the opposite. It hurt… a lot, however, with a bit of soreness and pain for about 30 seconds, I could grunt, hold my breath a bit (because breathing caused the needles to move up/down within the skin) until my body was accustomed to the pain. Quite a few needles were inserted in my stomach and surrounding areas, including near my sides – which was scary since my kidneys and liver are there. Even more scary than that was when she began to undo my belt at put one approx 2 inches away from my penis. I don’t particularly like anything/anyone going near there, except for a girl with all-but-the-best intentions LOL. I was really hesitant about the insertion there, but given I’m completely weakened, I could hardly do anything about it. After lying there for 20 minutes barely being able to breathe, the horror was over and she began to withdraw each needle. It was a sham – because the worst was NOT over… and had yet to begin.

She proceeded to “warm her hands up” and put some type of grease on her hands. She does this quite often, so I was no alarmed thinking it was the “ending massage”… well I guess I had it partially right – it was a massage alright – one that according to my mom, seemed to make me scream more than the women from the maternity ward. I had the procedure of “fat pinching” invoked on me. It is not pinching that you think that people use to “test” how much fat a person has, but literally, grabbing fat on your body, kneading it and pinching it as hard as possible. I have read many “western” medical documentation on how there is no such proof that such things work – but looking at many celebrities who have this performed as an assistive method to fat-reduction. I say assistive only because it’s not meant to replace healthy eating and exercise, but “helps in addition to” conventional methods. This is a well-known method done in places like China, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Japan and other Asian nations. I assure you that given the recollection of my entire life, this has been the most painful thing done to me thus far. By the time she finished which was a mere minute at most, I was gasping for air – I seriously could not breathe because I was in so much pain. My eyes were blurry from tears and I was clenched over in a fetal position trying to endure the pain.

I assure you - it was painful

I assure you - it was painful

It took me about 3 minutes of rapid breathing until part of the pain subsided. As I got up, my mom had to hold me because she was so worried I was going to pass out from the pain. She looked equally pained, only because it’s a common expression in Chinese that for one’s parents to see their own child in pain, the hearts of one’s parents hurts even more. It’s amazing what celebrities go through just to keep their figures as they get this done every day until they have dissipated the fat. I do not look forward to my next visit if she’s doing this again. As of today, a full 24-hours since it happened, my sides are both in pain. I can only do shallow breathing as doing deep-breathes causes my stomach and sides to cramp up (well well, aren’t I starting to feel like more of a woman eh?) and this searing pain shoots up my body. Some of the punctures by the needles also hurt probably as a result of the pain from the already-sore-locations. Last night, I did not get very good rest nor was I able to roll over on my sides.

According to the doctor, the more fatty areas of our body is actually more suspectible to pain. I would had thought on my neck, where there is less meat would mean needle insertions would hurt more (or at least I’d feel more). I find that needle insertions, usually 3-4 don’t hurt on my neck at all. On the other hand, when she did it on my stomach and sides, it hurt like a bitch. She explained that a lot of “fat” is also a result of built-up toxins. A degree of fat is required for the body to function of course, but excess fat is considered “negative” fat which actually hurts more than natural-fat. All I can say is that out of all the things I’ve gone through since I started this regiment has been only “current-day pain” and has rarely carried over to the next day. This on the other hand, I have a feel I’ll be feeling it for the rest of the week. Damn, I hope bebe appreciates all the effort I go into getting that beautiful figure she wants from a guy 😆 Ok ok, fine.. I’m doing it for myself either… but mainly for her XD

The rest of the afternoon and evening, we celebrated my friend’s birthday and also coincidentally a “goodbye party” for a friend who’s leaving to San Francisco for his MBA. Although him and I aren’t particularly close (as in we’ll call each other to hang-out regularly), his presence will still be missed at gatherings and such. He also runs a charity which I help out with, so his leadership will be missed by the organization. We had 3 cakes there… and almost a 4th had we not notified the other attendees not to bring one. The party was a potluck and wasn’t as well-organized as usual… we had a lot of “repeat food” and such – but nevertheless, it was a fun party… the big fun was towards the end of the night where we played our very own “family feud”!

This picture will make sense once you read on... I wish I was born in Malaysia =\ - Stolen from Cherrie

This picture will make sense once you read on... I wish I was born in Malaysia =( Pic stolen from Cherrie =P Maybe I ought to start taking up soccer or something.... LOL! I suppose part of the prerequisite of attending university in Malaysia is to be pretty.... geezz.

By the time we finished, it was 11PM and we all called it a night. Before heading back home, I dropped by the T&T in Mississauga before it closed to pick up “late-night deals”. T&T is well-known for their deep discount to foods and perishable items towards closing hours. I have seen sushi platters up to 50% by the end of the night! Although I did not get any sushi, I picked up some Asian junk-food and such (tsk tsk, I know). At this hour, shoppers tend to be the university students or the teenagers who are still up and wandering the streets. I honestly think I may be going through one of two phases, 1) I’m transitioning to becoming a homosexual or, 2) I’m deeply-madly in love. I would vote the latter because I no longer find that same attraction to women as I once did – or rather, I only find attraction to a woman now. T&T at night is like a sea of hot Chinese girls which a year ago, I would’ve been thinking which ones I’d want in my bed tonight. 1, 2, 3.. 10?!! Give them all to me! Now.. I look at girls and while I can appreciate their beauty, nice smiles and curvy body, I cannot find myself to think, “I want to sleep with her tonight, she’s so awesome!” Yes, I am either nuts over bebe or I am turning gay – take your pick. I guess P.C is going to laugh at me now because she said that’s a sure sign of when you know you have no more question about your commitment and loyalty is when all of a sudden, every other girl/boy seems to have no effect on you anymore. When we left the store, my friend was all hyped up, “Hey, weren’t those girls great?!! Find any that you’d want to bang?” .. my answer was like, “Uhh.. no, not really.” and he just stopped walking in the middle of the parking lot. He was like, “WHAT?!!!” and just to not cause a scene, I just said, “Well, a few were ok, that’s all.” – I don’t think he believed me, but at least he started walking towards the car again. After dropping him off at his house,  I proceeded to head home. Given it was almost midnight, the traffic was quite heavy – especially given I live in a smaller city.

Sometime throughout the night, I thought how stupid it was for me to be “paying money to suffer pain” a la acupuncture/fat pinching and back-scraping. There is a Chinese saying that pretty much equates to, “give money to endure hardship” pretty much made me question my own stupidity, lol… if I’m paying money to lose weight, shouldn’t it be less painful and more convenient? 😀 lol… clearly not the case. Oh well… I mean, I have the right to decline going any more, but I figured I’d finish my 2-month treatment first. It’s undeniable that there are results, just expensive ones and quite painful. I’ll have to ask her to modify it again because I’m not sure how much I want to fat pinched anymore, because the intention is the “spread the fat around” so it’s more easily burnt off and reduces the “visibility” of it – but god… I can tolerate pain – just not like this weekly. I’ll leave you guys with a funny Facebook status update I’ve been meaning to post up for a week or so already but forgot… amusing, especially if you understand French (but the explanation is there too)! My friends always end up getting themselves into awkward situations like this…

"You're a virgin? I love virgins! In fact, I almost always wind up dating virgins. My dad is a virgin too." - LOL!

"You're a virgin? I love virgins! In fact, I almost always wind up dating virgins. My dad is a virgin too." - LOL!

Almost one month of the summer-break gone already… shiiiittt…

Does Your In-Game Habits Say Something About You?

I just thought of this really interesting topic and I’m no sure if a lot of other sites have covered it already – but this dawned upon me as I was playing some games a few weeks ago. Of course this isn’t the first time I’ve thought of it, but it is the first time I’m writing about it. For avid gamers, some may always pick particular “races”, “classes” or “alignment” to play because of particular strengths and weaknesses provided to the player. By far, I will say of every RPG game (single/multiplayer) I’ve played, I have always favoured using long-range characters such as ranger, hunter or shooter classes and erring on the side of stealth-based character attributes.

A couple months ago, when bebe and I were playing The Sims together, I found out she’s different with her approaches to gaming. Rather than it being a manifest of her, she likes to show her “creative” side when it comes to gaming. She prefers not to build her Sims and lifestyle as a replica of her and we debated whether we would actually use her name as her sim-name. Me on the other hand, when I play games like The Sims, I like to replicate my existing or future lifestyle/housing and although I let my creativity soar when it comes to furniture, house size and stuff, I play the characters very-much like my own mentality, attributes, likes/dislikes, occupation, etc.

Something like this made me wonder, do games bring out a subconscious part of us or is it simply what it is… a game?I must admit personally, my in-game gaming habits tend to be a pretty good representation of myself. I enjoy game series like Hitman and Splinter Cell, because they cater to us gamers who prefer stealth and tact over direct confrontation. I like the idea of popping down behind someone and slitting their throat versus running in a full room of baddies, guns a-blazing. Whether it be in game or in person, this “hidden” personality of mine shows through. I remember playing “tag” as a child, I’d much prefer hiding and sneaking around and tagging a person than running a-muck trying to catch whoever I could. I also avoid confrontation when the situation presents itself or use conversation as a method to my advantage (even if it results in violence in the end).

You may call stealth cowardice... I call it SMART. You're the one losing your neck, not ME.

You may call stealth cowardice... I call it SMART. You're the one losing your neck, not ME.

The very first fight I got in in my life was something I could not avoid. The other kid was hostile and aggressive towards me and escaping it using words was futile. However, what I could do was to incite him casually (because you don’t want to provoke someone directly) to throw the first punch. Suffice to say, I do not condone violence nor enjoy using it as a method of problem-resolution, but for some types of people, that is their preferred method. As he threw the first punch, I intercepted his arm and twisted it and hit him in the chest as retaliation. In a fight for legality reasons, it’s always good to allow someone to “throw the first punch” because then you become the victim to rightful defense. Of course the laws run deeper than that as I’ve spent time sitting in Coles reading the Canadian Criminal Code on Self Defense. Let’s just say I took him down… it was a nasty scene and essentially, because I was “defending” myself from danger, I did not get into major trouble by the teachers. The trick is also to “pretend you’re scared” and that “you’re attempting to leave the situation” and have witnesses (other kids) to prove it. I acted as if I didn’t want to be involved, that I was afraid, that way as the kid attacked me, I had the complete right to strike him back. Of course you’re only supposed to “use sufficient force to disable the assailant from doing further harm” … but I think I used a bit more power than that, LOL. So the moral of this story is that my in-game personality fits that of how I would play a game. Choose stealth and conversation over direct confrontation. 

Many games now, particularly RPG’s or ones that “require you to choose a path” often involves a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ choice… or perhaps in some games like Alpha Protocol, there is no “right” or “wrong” decisions… only a decision. Each choice you make will affect gameplay immediately or later on, but may be to your advantage at some point and disadvantage at others. These types of games in general do simulate “real life” unless it’s a very poorly chosen decision which leads to your death. Every day as humans we make countless decisions and these decisions may lead to immediate or future consequences – good or bad. When playing games, I often choose to walk a “good” or “positive” alignment. I will choose paths or a character-based on ‘good’ rather than ‘evil’. Playing games like Neverwinter Nights where your alignment affects how NPC (Non-Player Characters) view you and interact with you, I much prefer taking a “lawful” and “good” approach. In general, this is also how I prefer to lead my life, following a lawful and good approach – obviously that is not the case all the time, but I prefer to “play by the rules” and be a good person when I can.

The path of good and evil... which do YOU choose?

The path of good and evil... which do YOU choose?

However, then there are also less-than-glamorous scenarios like recently when I was playing The Saboteur, a game similar to Grand Theft Auto. You are given a large world to wander doing side-quests and fulfilling main-quests to advance the storyline. I can get just as frustrated in real-life as I can in a game, lol, if not more because you have to replay a scenario over-and-over again until you “pass” it. This had already been my 3rd attempt at having to escape the Nazis. I was almost out of their detection range, speeding away in a car with them tailing me when suddenly a civilian vehicle came out of no where, cut me off and I ended up slamming into them. I was so annoyed because now it means I needed to spend even more time getting the Nazis off my tail. However, that’s when my anger took over (and this scenario as scary as it may be, is a fairly good representation of me).  

I got out of my vehicle, which was obviously half blown-up after being machine-gunned by the Nazi chasers and hitting corners of the streets and NOW slamming into the civilian car. I walked over to the passenger side of the vehicle where I proceed to pull out a terror-machine gun (massive ass weapon) and shot the passenger through the window. I then walked over to the driver side, pulled the driver out on the ground and let him run away… momentarily that is, until I followed him slowly and planted 3 shots to the back of his head with a pistol. I was slightly satisified given these two idiots dented my car and while the Nazis had then caught up and started shooting at me, I got back in and made my escape. As evil as this may sound, it is rather indicative of my personality. When I get frustrated, I get even. There have been times my parents did not have the joy of sitting in my car when I was angry with another driver. I literally try to drive people off the road when they piss me off on the road. Call it road-rage or whatever you will, but hell, this scene in the game really shows the type of person I am!

When someone gets in the way of my goals...

When someone gets in the way of my goals...

 Do most players tend to game similar to their personalities? Do most choose a particular way of playing or particular characters as a result of their own “style” and personal habits? I’m not going to say that I never play something out-of-character, but most of the time I stick to my own classes, race, alignment and method-of-approach. When I beat a game using a certain combination, if the storyline or gameplay is different enough, I explore other ways of playing, but I will always “play myself” on the first run of the game. In fact, I often find it hard for me to “walk the path of evil” when making choices or decisions or rather, ones that contradict with who I am. I cannot recall the game, but there was one where I had to make the decision to drag another character to safety or leave them there to die. I would most certainly help, but given that this was a second run of the game, I decided to take the “bad” approach and resisting the temptation to ‘help’ the character was amazingly hard. Because it’s contrary to the person I am, watching the other character die (knowingly too) was tough. Yes, it is just a game – but even acting outside of myself within a game is something that makes the gears in my head turn. 

 If you’re a gamer or not, do you think that the actions you perform within a game reflect upon your own personality and real-life choices if that were you?

Post-Pregnancy Information for Men

Hi Again,

Time again for another round of period-related information… or maybe rather, it’s not exactly menstruation, but you may call it a “related-topic.” Today’s topic is on post-pregnancy. This is probably one of the topics that I do not have a large knowledge-base on, however, I always try to do research before making a post, so I hope this information will be accurate and informative. As usual, if there are any mistakes or considerations you would like me to make for this post, please let me know!

After child-birth, it is especially important for men to become involved in your partner’s health. After all, pregnancy is a very body-intensive process and therefore, you should definitely be a man and spoil your girl as if there’s no tomorrow. After all, the creation of this baby should be a testament to your loving relationship and your child is a production of your commitment to each other for life. Holy, do I sound like an old fart with an old mentality or what?! Of course for us flow-lovers, what joy is there to hope that your partner’s period returns soon as we’ve been missing the fun of it for 9 months already! (Although I doubt your partner misses it, lol) – Following pregnancy, resuming regular periods are a mystery for every woman.

It’s important for men to understand that after a normal delivery of a child, your partner will go through post-natal bleeding (or discharge) known as Lochia. Lochia generally lasts for 3 to 6 weeks and contains mucus, blood and placental tissue. There are 3 stages of lochia, each respective stage with a corresponding medical-name. Following 3 to 5 days after childbirth, your partner will go through Lochia rubra (cruenta) typically red to brownish-red due to the large amount of blood being expelled (expect heavy-flow) and contains a “fleshy odour.” After lochia rubra has taken place and up to approximately the 10th day post-delivery, she will undergo Lochia serosa where thinning of lochia occurs and where it usually becomes brownish or pink and is lochia flow is lessened compared to before. Finally for the remainder of discharge turns to a whitish or yellow-white colour lasting anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 weeks post-delivery referred to as Lochia alba (purulenta).

During this time, it is advisable to use maternity pads to deal with lochia as post-natal bleeding is generally a lot more than your average menstrual period. The first 6 to 12 hours after delivery is generally when most women expect the heaviest lochia discharge but it’s hard to say how often a woman will need to change her pad as the lochia flow is change based on the “phase” it is at, physical movement/position and bodily changes. At first, most women should expect to change their pad at least once every 1-2 hours and later, every 3-4 hours as lochia lessens – similar to managing ‘light’ and ‘heavy’ flow days of her regular period. In general, maternity pads are longer, softer, thicker and thus, more absorbent than the common maxi pad. Most maxi pads will not stand up well against lochia flow, therefore it is suggested that you purchase (or expect to purchase) 2-3 packs of “12’s” which should last for the duration of the heavier lochia discharge days.

In general, lochia should have the same odour as regular menstrual flow. If there is a foul or offensive smell from the lochia, the best practice would be to contact your medical professional as it may indicate a vaginal contamination. This contamination by organisms (thus the smell) may result in lochioschesis (spelled lochiostasis by some) which is the retention of lochia that should normally be expelled from the body.

Picture of a maternity pad

For convenience, you may also want to buy disposable panties for the first 2 weeks post-pregnancy as leaks may occur frequently and certainly you would not want to stain both of your favourite panties! Using well-fitting underwear is important as maternity pads require a large area on the crotch to support it. It is horribly uncomfortable and embarrassing to wear small, tight panties while harbouring a gigantic pad underneath! This is especially important if your partner has required stitches or undergone bruising to use comfortable-fitting underwear. By the end of the first and second week, it is likely your partner will be able to return using common maxi pads so maternity pads are no longer required.

As you may have noticed (sorry to the guys n’ girls who love them :|) that I have made no mention of tampons for lochia. Most medical practiontioners recommend that women do not use tampons while lochia is still present or flowing. As I’ve mentioned over and over again, the female anatomy is a beautiful and wonderful thing (much more exciting than us guy’s, har har). After pregnancy, the female body goes into a state of of involution where the uterus attempts to return to its pre-pregnancy size and condition. This process is to ensure that (under normal circumstances) allow pregnancy to occur again and thus an intricate process occurs which results in the above mentioned, lochia. During the first 6-8 weeks after delivery, consider the uterus as a recovering wound and therefore using tampons may introduce foreign bacteria into the reproductive system, heightening the risk of infection. It is suggested that resuming tampon use not be done until a postnatal check-up is performed and receiving the OK from your medical practitioner – after all, they are the experts and will know whether your body is prepared to have a tampon inserted.

It is normal for your partner to not have irregular or absent menstrual periods for a while after pregnancy. Other than your partner’s body to return regular menstrual activities, carrying out breastfeeding may interrupt the menstrual-cycle to return to normal. Breastfeeding may interfere with the ovulation process, thereby causing periods to be irregular or completely missing. Even for women who resume their normal menstrual cycle will experience more unusual period patterns which is pretty typical and there should be an expectation of heavier flow, more pain/discomfort and more lethargic than usual. Now’s the time to show some love to your woman who have spent 9 months bearing your beautiful child (or children)!!!

As a general guideline, your partner should expect to resume her regular menstrual-cycle within 9 months post-delivery. Many women do not go through regular menstruation until they cease to breastfeed. Apparently this is your body’s attempt to disallow conception of another child while your just-born child is still in his/her infancy – however, this is not to say that this is the case for ALL women. In fact, I must make a note that it does not mean your partner cannot get pregnant soon post-delivery! A lot of people make the assumption that if their partner does not show signs of menstruation that equates to a period (haha, what a great pun) of infertility. Oddly enough, your partner may actually be even more fertile than when she becomes “regular” again. You and your partner should both be aware that unprotected sex may lead to another pregnancy (if that’s not your plan). Necessary precautions should be taken if pregnancy is not your intent and the use of a condom with spermicide is recommended. Birth control or other hormonal-altering drug should not be used at this time, unless specifically authorized by a health professional. On that note, my Dad and his younger brother is only apart by 9 months and few days – so it’s quite possible to get pregnancy VERY SOON after delivery!

Here are some cases where you should contact your medical practitioner or emergency assistance immediately if your partner experiences:

  • lochia has an unpleasant smell
  • fever and/or chills
  • bleeding stays heavy and bright red after the first week
  • feel faint or dizzy
  • heartbeat starts to race or become irregular
  • soaking through a pad more than once per hour
  • large clots (> 28mm)
  • tummy feels tender low down on one or both sides

So there you guys go, hopefully this will give you some menstrual facts post-pregnancy! It’s such an exciting time so enjoy it. Think about how great it is to see your partner have to put on a pad or tampon again 😛 Hrm… maybe I’m having that flow-loving side in me kick in again! If you’re reading this for your partner, then I want to congratulate you on the new life you’ve brought to this world! I’m sure he/she really appreciates it 🙂

愛。情。

暑假,本應是一個令人沉醉於夏日戀愛的季節。
但可惜,周邊的感情煩惱卻接踵而來。
背後有不同的愛情故事,由熱戀到感情轉淡,或者第三者出現,
這沒有對錯。

結束,開始
開始,結束
人生就是這樣來來往往,源源不絕,永無休止。
學會了放手,自然就學會復原。
給自己一點時間,一點空間
想一想,想一下獨立的生活。

在戀愛世界當中,沒有誰對誰錯,
只有適合,不適合。

The following is a complete machine translation by Google Translate and may or may not completely represent the wording and expressions used in the above writing. However, I did it for those who cannot read Chinese characters. I’m not going to bother translating the above text myself only because every person will have a different “take” on what things mean. Think of it as a poem – to some, it means this… and to another, it means that.

Summer, this should be a matter of indulgence in the summer season of love.
Unfortunately, they come one after another around the feelings of annoyance.
Behind a different love story, the love that has waned, or a third party appeared
This is not right or wrong.

The end of the beginning
Start, end
Life is such coming and going, endless, endless.
Learned to let go, learn to recover naturally.
Give yourself time, little space
Think, think about an independent life.

Love the world in which there is no right or wrong
Only suitable and unsuitable.

This was written by my girl-friend Wing last night…. very cute, yet horribly depressing… I suppose this summer, both our lives are empty. She’s actually a very young girl and to compose something as touching and as mature as this makes me smile bittersweet. Apparently age has very little to do with maturity these days… Experiences really do count for something.

I know the period content has been lacking lately and I’m trying to get my head on straight is all. This blog was actually inspired by bebe after a few months of meeting her. The main reason I created this blog (other than the fact of sharing my menstrual-interest) was because I could see hesitation and reluctance in her accepting my interest and love of menstruation. I started this blog, because I wanted to open her eyes to my interest and as a way of letting her know that just because I have learned to appreciate menstruation, that I am just as normal as a regular guy. Loving menstruation doesn’t change the person who I am – if anything, only to better myself with the intention that this knowledge is because I love the female body so much.

My inspirations are wavering right now since she was the heart and soul of this blog. I will most certainly continue it as I have seen many positive feedback from regular readers and dropper-byers alike. Just for now, I think I need time to recover from my mental and psychological distress. I know myself well enough to say that I know when I need my own  “time out” because I can get really snitchy with people when I’m not happy. Better that I have my time alone and to release all my pent up energy before I return “back to the world.”

The Platters – Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

I coincidentally heard this song in a TVB drama I’m watching today… talk about fucking bad timing. Either way, the lyrics are true… the emotions are true.. and yes, the blindness is true as well. Love can be great or love can suck just as much. Excuse me while I go cry myself to sleep and perhaps hope I don’t wake up tomorrow morning. If you think that I’m any less of a man right now for being hurt by love, please feel free to suck my left nut because you’re not good enough for my right.

They asked me how I knew
My true love was true
Oh, I of course replied
Something here inside cannot be denied

They said someday you’ll find
All who love are blind
Oh, when your heart’s on fire
You must realize
Smoke gets in your eyes

So I chaffed them and I gaily laughed
To think they could doubt my love
Yet today my love has flown away
I am without my love

Now laughing friends deride
Tears I can not hide
Oh, so I smile and say
When a lovely flame dies
Smoke gets in your eyes
Smoke gets in your eyes

I Want to Eat Right Now…

What an awkward title eh? The reality is I do want to eat right now… eat the worst, possible food EVER. I want one of those cans of spam from the US that’s like 1000% of the daily cholesterol intake because I feel no willpower to carry on another day. This morning I woke up, fresh with energy as if it has been forever where I didn’t wake up feeling full. This has been one of the best naturopathic treatments I’ve had before – I woke up bright and early without the feeling of fatigue (although still lazily rolling around my bed, haha). After a happy day at work with so many compliments about my “new look” I felt confident as a person. Not only did the girls give compliments, even many of the guys at work (which they rarely ever do) said, “Hey, looking sharp today man!” – I was feeling perhaps on top of the world. I smiled when I looked at myself this morning, smiled like I haven’t since high school when I was still thin and looked good. I said to myself, “Well good morning Mr. Handsome!” and that’s when I noticed that my face was considerably thinner and my stomach was definitely smaller. It has been less than 2 weeks since I’ve started this treatment and although the intention is to help restore my body’s normal functions and help hair growth, it also acts as a slight weight-loss system since it helps flush the junk out of my body. Hrm… maybe I’m not so bad-looking after all…

You know they say, having too much of a good thing is a bad thing. I have this really bad habit of reading emails, twitter and facebook while “on the toilet” because hey, there’s nothing else to do right? LOL. I nearly shit myself when I got a message from bebe, because truth be told, I wasn’t looking forward to one because I doubt it’s going to be a “good thing” – yes, I received my official notice from bebe that once again, I am now without someone I care about and want to go through life with. Before I opened the message, I already knew it wasn’t going to be a happy moment and debated even looking at it. I didn’t want something that happened in the morning to stick with me for the rest of the day, but I did anyways. No, it wasn’t anything good and I don’t think I need to express the contents of the message to know what is going on here. Suffice to say, this has been the first time a girl has ever told me something like this over a FB message….

So much for my boost of self-confidence because I looked myself in the mirror again and asked myself, “What’s wrong with me?” – “Am I really that ugly where a girl can’t even see past my minor flaws (by horribly unattractive eyes and less than amiable abs) into who I am?” When girls say the word, “feel” – what is feel? Feel is what you see and thus, how you feel. Is that it, does every imperfect man in this world need to remodel himself to suit a girl? Does every man need to be a resemblance of plastic and silicon to look like a girls favourite movie-star? Who is this person staring back at me in the mirror? It is I, the one proudly given birth to by my mother and father. It is they who put me on this world, a moment in their life I know they cherish forever, yet, I cannot even accept myself. I cannot accept the fact of so many failures that I stare back at myself and ask, “Do I want to betray the looks my parents so proudly gave me to appease a girl?”

Call me conceited, but I think the whole idea when girls use the word “feel” is just to cover-up something they don’t want to say. Maybe that’s just my personal opinion on that word, only because of the times I’ve had to decline being with a certain girl that I’ve had concrete reasons. I know many people use the idea of feel and chemistry, so I’m not doubting the validity of it, just that to me I always feel that’s just words to cover up realities. I jokingly asked Poh Ching the other day whether she’d like a guy like me. At first, she just said “no feel” but after throttling her a bit, she finally admitted it was because I don’t have the eyes, the abs and the muscular arms – so essentially, there’s physical attributes involved even though the word used to describe it was “feel”. We all love model figures – men and women – who doesn’t want their partner to have a perfect body? Who wouldn’t want our partners to look like our favourite movie star, but how many people in this world truly attain someone to that “perfection”?

I wanted to take a day off from work or perhaps just play hookie, but I know that if I were to stay home, I’d have even more thoughts and it’d be no healthier for me. Twice in front of the mirror over a mere 10 minutes and my self-image went from, “Damn I really can get the chicks!” to “My life sucks, I’m ugly like a piece of shit and why did I have to be born.” Call me a bit morbid and perhaps even nonsensical, but on my drive to work I couldn’t really pay attention. Luckily they’re the same roads I’ve been driving for the past year and while I was definitely paying attention to pedestrians and other cars, I can tell you the drive itself was more like a blur. Too many thoughts were in my head. I remember as traffic slowed and a tractor-trailer was in front of me, I had a split second thought of how liberating it could be just to continue driving full speed into it. Because of how low my car is and that most tractor trailers have a “clearing” underneath it, my head would instantly be ripped off and there’d be little pain. I certainly would not want to find myself still alive or one of those people in comas or “half alive” – I want it to be quick and painless. Losing your head sheered by metal moving at 100 kph seems to be a surefire way of dying. I still hit the brakes though, I just couldn’t find that willpower to do it and the rationale. Oddly enough, those people are are successful at killing themselves is a lot braver than you think to do that.

Here I am, sitting in my office typing this. I always try not to bring personal baggage to work, but how is that possible? How can a girl who you’ve accepted to being a part of your life tells you that she has no bloody fucking feel not have an effect on your day? Honestly, I can tell too when breakups are supposed to happen and when you know it’s impossible to carry forth. With my ex and with B&B, it was something visible I can place my finger and say, “These are the reasons we couldn’t be a great couple” – yet with bebe, I cannot find good reasons why we’re having these issues. As I said, with some girls, you can see a realistic future with and others, it is a figment of your own good-will. For bebe and I, I do see a realistic future for us, but hampered by our current situation. I know nothing I say will convince her, because she is stubborn like that – but so am I. I cannot stop her from giving up on me.

My mind is a mess right now and all I want to do is eat. I want to shove every forbidden food there is down my throat (and hopefully choke and die in the process). I’m not supposed to eat meat, eggs, diary and fish because that’s going to harm my liver and intestines while I’m doing my treatment? SO WHAT?!! I’m a worthless person. One less of me in this world isn’t going to change anything. What’s my health good for? For taking care of a girl who doesn’t give two shits about me anymore? For a girl who doesn’t want to have a future with me? Who doesn’t want to happily be the great mother she is for our children? God… I’m just not being rational right now. I see people outside right now and I just want to walk over there and punch them in the face. I have this anger and depression both pent up within me – I need to find a safe output for it.

I haven’t cried yet, only probably because the environment at work prevents me from doing so. Tonight when I get home, I have a feeling that’s all I’ll be doing. I’m scared though, scared because depression and anxiety was what actually killed my grandmother. My grandmother was extremely healthy, not a pain or sore in her body. When her sister died, she went into a period of great depression, crying daily and then eventually that depression manifested into what Chinese people called “Kidney Poison” and eventually everything in her body failed. I’m afraid that if I do the same thing, it’s just going to hurt me even more, as much as I sound like I want to die – I certainly don’t want it to be painful and long-lasting. I’m afraid of how this is going to affect me – how long, how deeply? I want to scream right now.

It’ll be hard to let her go and in fact, I may continue this hope that one day she will be ready. I do not believe things are an absolute end only because I know that there are couples who are together strong today, either dating or marriage, who are on their re-run. The first time you’re together, there is a lot of learning, a lot of determination and a lot of “feeling out”. Things for one reason or another don’t seem right, and things fall apart. The second time, they’ve learned to appreciate the many things in each other – perhaps feel in ways that they never once felt because of barriers. Perhaps there is a maturity level or perhaps just “life experiences” who change who we are, what we desire and how we feel over time. You can call me a dreamer, but I prefer to think that there’s always hope in life as long as those people are still alive, the hope is never gone. I told myself when I got to work, I wouldn’t want any reminders of her. I’d delete all her pictures of my phone so I wouldn’t have to look at her face and remind myself of what I lost. I’d remove all the picture frames I have of her… but I couldn’t. Just 10 minutes ago as I was typing this message, I got so angry I raised the frame and wanted to throw it against the wall. I broke down and cried like a little girl who lost her teddy. I couldn’t throw it, she means so much to me. As much as seeing her makes me angry, it also makes my heart go to mush all at the same time. Although now practically single once again and open to the world of women, I do not know whether I will fully give up on her.

I truly want to reply to what she wrote me, because something like that is while bittersweet in the end, the most thoughtful thing she’s ever put into writing for me. I know it has taken her a lot of strength and deliberation to write something like that. I just can’t reply right now because I’m at work and I know I’ll crack while writing it so I’d rather do it at home. My mind is muddled right now and I know my answers to her would not be rational. I’d much rather be in a stable state of mind before writing back to her – it is only fair.

Depression
Anger
Hatred
Fear
Hostility
Blame
Regret
Invalidated
Underestimated
Powerless
Suffocated
Abandoned
Insignificant
Rejected
Unloved
Unwanted
Resentment
Grief
Jealousy
Envy
Greed

These are all the things, if not more that I feel towards this right now… anyone who knows me well will know that blame and anger paired together makes for a very evil-me… one who will go to all extents to “repay” someone what they have done towards me, from the person who tries to steal my parking spot to the one who tries to pick a fight with me. No good deeds go unrewarded and no bad deed goes unpunished. And although I will not get a chance to tell her this any time soon in person, all those negative emotions and the feeling to want to hurt her back is overrided by a single reason.

Because I love her.

I always wanted this word to be something I used in front of her and never using it before that moment came whether in writing or by mouth, it looks like she’s not going to give me a chance for now. I will keep fighting for that chance. I am not going to try to be one of those people who pretend to be courageous and say that “because I love her, I’m going to let her go” because that’s a bigger lump of bullshit than I crapped out this morning. It is BECAUSE I love her that I want her to one day feel for me and feel the love from me and through those feelings, move her to return that love. It is not about forcing, it is about hoping for that moment to come whether it is something foreseeable or not… because let’s face it, there are mysteries of this world we cannot foresee. On that note, I think I’m going to have to visit Thailand to see whether 道師 can help me out here… blah. I wish my grandfather and uncle were still alive to help me with that… guess I can also rely on my cousin now that he’s learning it. They say you have to “sacrifice” something for that… and if I had the choice of losing 2 years off my lifespan just to be with her, I wouldn’t even think about it. What’s 2 years trade-off for a lifetime of happiness?

Blah – I want to eat.

Life is so grand and such an amazing thing - but there are times when it seems futile

Life is so grand and such an amazing thing - but there are times when it seems futile

Taylor Momsen Tampon Fiasco & Dakota Fanning The Runaways (2010)

I know this may be “old news” for some, especially flow-lovers and dedicated Taylor Momsen fans… but given that my blog IS about menstruation, it’d almost make me feel guilty not to report this. Speaking of which, this morning I watched The Runaways starring Dakota Fanning and I think that any flow-lover would love the first 5 minutes of the movie… in fact, the first 5 seconds of the movie drips right on the theme of menstruation!

So back to my story about Taylor Momsen… to be honest, I have no idea who she is – I don’t keep up with “celebrity and stars” – especially North American ones. Being an avid watching of channels like TVB, I’m rarely familiar with American stars or celebs. Ask me something about Chinese celebs and I’ll probably be on top of those details though, LOL – especially the Edison Chen and girls incident, harhar. Taylor Momsen appeared in movies such as How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) and Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams (2002) and is a active member of the Gossip Girl series. Apparently she’s part of a band called “The Pretty Wreckless” but I would have no idea since I’m disconnected from English movies and music – however, the internet is always a joy-full of information 😀

Taylor Momsen while doing a concert @ Vans Warped Tour in Carson, California had an unfortunate case of fashion faux-pas where she was wearing period-stained underwear and also her tampon string was hanging out. There was huge controversy about the people who took the picture since it’s considered an up-skirt and thus ILLEGAL in most countries since she’s underage (and of course I’m sure there are laws against taking pictures up girls skirts…). X17, a Celebrity News and Gossip site decided to post uncensored pictures of Taylor’s crotch, period-stain and tampon included. As of this moment, it would appear that the post no longer exists except for cached versions. Obviously they received enough heat that they withdrew the entry. I’m not a lawyer so I’m not going to go contest the legal implciations behind it.

This is not the first time that a tampon string has been seen hanging out, all the way from Lady Gaga to Britney Spears – tampon strings are apparently quite a fashion statement 😛 Stuff like this commonly happens to girls, just that when you’re a celebrity or someone in a “position of stardom” it tends to hit harder and everyone ends up finding out about it. There’s probably millions or at least thousands of girls everyday who have exposed tampon strings or even exposed wings from their pad underneath their skirts through their panties but because they’re not “famous”, either no one notices or no one cares.

For the sake of compliance with site regulations, this is the censored version which was posted by bloggers/reposters/more conservative news sites. I’m not going to take a side and say whether I agree or disagree with this picture or whether sites should’ve been forced to take it down – I’m just writing what I’m reading.

X17 Online - The very questionable Taylor Momsen upskirt shot by reporters depicting her exposed tampon string and (if it wasn't censored) blood-stained underwear

I’m going to finish The Runaways tomorrow when I get to work, so hopefully I’ll have some more good things to say about it – other than the awesome start of the movie that fellow menstruation-fans would love 😆

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