Very Short Bitching

Things usually happens in waves… waves of good things happen and waves of bad things happen. Now to come to think of when the last time good things happen was a long time ago. Just yesterday my maternal grandfather passed away leaving me with a total of 0/4 surviving grandparents, then today, bebe tells me that she’s going back home to Malaysia for 6 months.. yes, half-a-fucking year. Now I’m not blaming this on her as she deserves to see her family and friends after years of grueling university work in Canada, but it’s just tough on me – bad things continuously happen. One could imagine given so much stress how can I not be unhealthy and losing hair. This year…. way too many deaths and way too many things for me to deal with and now, the girl who I love will be on the opposite side of the world.

After she let me know, I told myself I am absolutely defiant on not searching for another girl and waiting for her to come back. It’s not to say if another girl were to appear in my life and something sparked that I would not even consider it, but I will definitely NOT go out of my way to go “looking” for the perfect girl when I’ve already found her. I think a few of my friends think I’m crazy on how much patience I have. 6 months, 2 months, 6 months – my life is being burned and wasted just like that… but how can I personally feel it’s a waste when she matters so much to me? I have invested over a year’s time in trying to win her love, what is wrong with me? Can’t she just care about me for who I am? Nevertheless, the one thing about being an ox (Chinese zodiac) is that I’m stubborn and persistent, I will fight this battle to the very end, I’m not letting obstacles bring me down!

I hope she really does come back and starts a career here… she’s going back to relax as a vacation and do some work, hopefully she won’t get too attached to her job there and/or find another guy… I’m such a little worrier. She’s taking years off my life, lol – gives me way too many things to fret over, haha. Gotta keep those damn Malaysian guys away from her! Now to come up with some kind of plan…. hrm… 😆

Anyways, life sucks right now… or maybe it always has and I just wanted to believe there were moments of it I was truly happy… probably can only recollect the time I spent with her as being the “happier” of my days.

Got an interesting “analysis” from one of my regular readers here about me concerning my ideals of a girl in a relationship – rather interesting, some areas are more accurate than others 😛

By: Sophia

Luck is not on your side and I dun think you will like to met someone like that as their brains do not have stuff that you can talk bout….. Anyways, to me, you are those type of guys that love to make decisions for us gals to show your mascunality BUT at the same time, you dun like gals to depend on you on every single thing… Am I right o wrong? dilemma huh…. 😄

but, cant you see how 矛盾 you are when you are saying me wrong?
I still stand to my own point… You wan someone who can obey you and yet you wan her to have her own thinking… (and not the very smart kind as you said… )
Face the reality…. you are attract to someone who is independent and does not listen to you all the while…..
You are from a traditonal thiking type of family but, try to look at another angle of the world….. traditional doesnt mean all…. it’s just a concept in your mind and you need to change and change and change when you are growing up….
It’s the same as you wan your parents to think like you when you are growing older and you will be getting frustrated when their mindset are still focusing on their teenage time when they are thiking that we should be like this and like that and when they were young, how they behave and why shouldnt we do so….. etc…..
Open your heart and mind…… ^^

Interesting in how people over the internet perceive me 😛

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About Prexus Swyftwynd

Probably not a good idea for you to know anything about me....

Posted on August 1, 2010, in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. OMG!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRGGG… I scream in yur pain too, geezzz.. talk about spite >_< I'm sorry to hear abt yur grandfather…. but it cannot be denied he lived a very full life! Lots of grandchildren who he has watched grow up – including u, so he’s very luck too in that way. Of coz no one wants to lose someone close to them, but we all come and we all go, it’s abt using the time well. Soon u will hv accumulated over a year of waiting for bebe, do u think it’s worth it? If so… then that’s all that matters. It’s just amazing how long she’s going for tho… so unfair to u, what a great way to kick u down 😦

    R u going bk for the funeral or waiting to end of the year? If she is only staying in Malaysia for 6 months, she will prob not bother getting into a relationship rite, or even if so, “just for fun”…. but I understand that yur worried that she will stay =\ Do u know if she booked one-way or two-way? That will help u feel a bit better lor… aiya… so tau tung.

    I feel so bad for u… 2x… dunno wut to say – other than scream 4 u…. haaaaiiii… u gonna go say bye to her?

    • Hey Amzz… I’ll write to you tomorrow when I get to work. I’m just so exhausted from worrying about things with bebe that I’m just constantly tired and on the edge of my life… I just want to sleep right now and vent out my frustration. Will post again when I wake up and maybe have a clear mind.

      • Awww… ok… will look fwd to when u answer lor… =\

        So sad 😦 Nthg I can say to make u feel better… haiiizzz…

        Gum slp well lor, dun think too much n try to wake up refreshed coz u hv work tm rite? Dun drive if u hv too much on yur mind, it’s dangerous… concentrate on things yur doing so if yur driving, dun think abt other stuff other than being safe!

        C u tm den…

  2. Ok, so here’s what I think… I want to start seeing things in life positively. I think I’m getting myself really down when all I think are the negative things. I want to see this as bebe’s way of getting her relaxation time and that she’s going to enjoy time with her family and friends back at home. If it was her intention to spite me and just leave Canada forever, she would not tell me when she’s returning and that she was leaving at all. I think bebe was really nice just to let me know she’ll be leaving – but giving me a date she’ll return, it gives me something to look forward to. I don’t know if she already booked her return, I asked if she did and I’m waiting to see if she tells me, ‘cuz it’ll totally get rid of my worries – although I’ll still super-miss-her, but at least I won’t have a “thorn in my heart” for half a year.

    The only reason why I’d worry about her getting in a relationship in Malaysia isn’t that because I don’t trust her, it’s because I might worry she becomes TOO attached to the guy that she’ll want to stay (and return tickets can be canceled if she’s permanently staying) and the same thing goes with her job. What if she likes it a lot. What if the place offers her to stay? OMFG – I’m so stressed out right now and so much worry!! I know we can’t control the future, but fuck them all if they do something to me like this and ruin my life and take bebe away from me. I will blow up half the world 👿 If I know for sure it’s only a temporary-assignment and that she’ll return either way, I can breath a sigh of relief!

    I know it’s really selfish of me and all her family/friends are there, but I want her so bad, WTF. I can’t even recall the last time I’ve gone so crazy over a girl because she means so much to me. I did promise her that if we got together, if our finances are ok, she can go home any time because I can understand that anyone would miss their family/friends – but I just don’t want to survive without her! There’s billions of people in this world and to find someone who you can truly love and care about is fate and nothing short of a miracle! I really hope nothing will change her mind for her plans to return to Canada, ARG!

    I didn’t want to make this into a negative situation right? I want her to be happy to go home, because they maybe it’s a way for us to start fresh when she comes to to Canada… and at least she won’t have in the back of her mind constantly craving to go home. More importantly, I want to say to myself that I feel that her intentions are good if she tells me she’ll be/plans to return. If it was her intention to hurt me, she’d just tell me she’s going home to Malaysia and staying there. I know it still might happen, although I really hope not. I feel like at the very least she’s being considerate of my feelings and like she says, I need to stop turning her problems into mine – although to a degree, I think it’s any good guy’s duty to “share the burden” of the girl he cares about. It’s not a matter of me wanting to take part for her problems, I may just sometimes worry too much when it doesn’t even cross her mind. Maybe she never even thought about going back to stay permanently this time and I’m just making more out of it than it really is. I gotta tell myself, vacation, work experience, spending loving time with her family/friends, and back here to start a new life… I just need to stay positive and rid my mind with all the negative thoughts.

    Honestly, I admire the people who can think positively about everything and not have worries on their mind. Actually, grandfather was like that, even when they told him he had cancer, he was just like, “Oh well, I’m just going to continue happily with my life” and damn, he lasted for a long time before passing away. It’s sad he’s gone, but it’s a “happy death” because he was well over 90 years old and he definitely has had the luxury of many grandchildren taking care of him. What a full life he led…. I hope I can life a full life with bebe too! 😀

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