Does Your Menstrual Fetish Affect Choosing Your Girlfriend/Partner?
Does your menstrual fetish affect choosing your girlfriend/partner?
This was an interesting topic posted up by someone on Kayo’s and it isn’t that it is the first time I’ve pondered the notion, but it is the first time that I’ve decided to post or even talk about it. Now the original question was just “fetish” rather than “menstrual fetish” – but obviously I decided this would be more fit for the topic of this blog and of course on the topic of Kayo’s as well. Suffice to say, for a person to say that their own fetish has absolutely NO effect on their choice would be daring, not impossible – but quite hard. Our fetishes are what composes us as an individual and builds our character. This question was indeed a thinker for me and I would give credit to the individual who posted it, but the person posted it did it anonymously, so unfortunately looks like the credit will have to float into cyberspace.
For me, my menstrual interests are a key part of who I am. I do not think about menstruation every moment of the day, but it’s also something I enjoy and strive to learn – just like any other persons hobbies, past-times or educational-interests. Other than the fact that menstruation is taboo, how is it different than learning about how the do an oil change? I admit at one point, my interest in menstruation was a deep-dark secret, that no one except for my girlfriend or ex’s would ever know about, but I am slowly allowing others to see that part of me – like my god-sis’ and close female friends. With the exception of those in Kayo’s menstrual community who share similar love and appreciation of periods, I am still shy to allow my male friends to see this side of me, because they are probably more inclined to feel repulsed.
It’s very easy for me to open up to girls on this matter because I think quite a few of them crave to open themselves up to a male counterpart as well. Maybe I’m just lucky with the girls I know, but most can have very frank, enjoyable and educational discussions with me over this. Moreover, some girls even admit that I know more about periods/feminine hygiene than they do and in turn, educate them on things they didn’t even know about. I believe that when it comes down to knowledge, it is best shared because everyone learns something from each other. I hardly claim myself to be an expert, perhaps a guy with “above-average” knowledge of menstruation. There are obviously lots of male gynecologists or medical practitioners who have superior menstrual knowledge compared to me!
I think I’m more inclined to choose a girlfriend who is open-minded, rather than saying that she has to share my love of menstruation. This is also the case with my friends and more importantly, my girls. I think when a person is close-minded, they become ignorant of the world around them and simply want to live in the comfort of their own seclusion and experiences. Although I recognize there is always the feeling of safety being in one’s safety-zone, it also means that you’re not allowing others to grant you beautiful knowledge about things that are worth learning about. Learning is not always about doing. Knowing how to make a bomb is different than making one to hurt someone. Learning about menstruation does not mean you menstruate OR have to like it, but means you have practical knowledge of it. I have a tough time expressing myself to girls who are socially frigid or closed-minded because I’m an open person who is willing to share but all of the most intimate things. Some people call it TMI – I just call it being expressive.
I want a girlfriend or partner who at the very least is “ok” with my interests. A few years ago, I wanted a girlfriend who must have at least a similar love for it – even if not to the same degree. This I found was a very immature attitude, to expect a person to share every similarity with you is almost a joke and I would imagine that I’d probably be single for a long time to find a girl who loved menstruation as much as I did and who would be actively involved as such. I have made this mistake once to having fallen for a girl because she included me regularly in her period-talks and although the lust was undeniable, I told myself that if I cared for her because she shared so much with me, then the relationship wasn’t going to last. What happens if for some reason, a medical situation caused her to lose her period. What happens when menopause hits, will I then lose my love for her? These questions made me realize that a relationship based upon sharing common fetish simply does not work. Suffice to say, if you’re in a “relationship” simply for sharing sexual pleasures, then absolutely it would work, but if you’re looking for a long-term monogamous relationship, then a common fetish only “adds” to the relationship, but is not a foundation.
Of course I have asked myself time and time again since bebe and I started dating, whether I could accept a girl who is not as emotionally open (at the moment) or a girl who doesn’t seem like to be the touchy-feely and enjoys the same kinkiness as I do. It was important to me at one point to want a girl who appreciated my knowledge and could become an active part of my interests. Nevertheless, as I fell for her, this all went a way – I could accept that she might never be open to my fetish, that she may never participate in it, that she might not even like the fact I’m involved with it and probably very timid and shy. I know all this might change, but for now, I still see her as a girl who might not be the “wacky and wild” type.
I can understand that everyone has sexual needs and that to some, their fetishes might be the core expectation of what they want from a girlfriend/partner. It is indeed important for those in relationships to have a regular and positive sex life, however, I just don’t think I should be basing my ultimate life-long commitment to a girl because she does or doesn’t like menstruation as much as I do. Would I be happy if she did? Absolutely – but it’s not a demand NOR a necessity. I love her for who she is and while you could claim her “interests” would be what makes up who she is – there are some things you can’t live without and some things you can live with – and her choice of whether she wants to be a part of my fetish-life is her decision, the important part is that we have a loving and committed relationship.
We have to all remember there are a lot of times we want things that we may not obtain. As I mentioned before, mishaps happen and perhaps your girlfriend/partner/wife has her period when you first meet her, but then loses it as a result of a medical condition. Surely, one could not use that reason to justify breaking up/divorcing simply because she no longer fulfills your menstrual-fetish needs. It might hurt your libidos a bit, but as I recall, you love a woman for who she is and not because she is capable of menstruating. Even if bebe were to suddenly say that she’s never having her period or not having kids, I would still love her. I know that part of who I am, I have always said I want children and would probably suffocate if I had to be with a girl who went on the pill/shot to prevent her period, but now that I’m with a girl I pour my heart into, all those small things become irrelevant. I don’t need kids or periods to fulfill my life – I need her.
In turn, we can always believe that in a relationship, a couple work together to make things click and to accommodate each others needs. We all have different quirks, we all have different fetishes or things that turn us on. Maybe right now she’s not interested in menstruation – maybe in the future, she’ll see it as a part of our lives and make it such. As couples, you cater to each other as you want to satisfy each others desires and just seeing the smile on their face throws down the emotional/physical barrier that originally affected you. Sometimes things are also subtle when it comes to fulfilling our fetishes, like my ex for instance where one day she whispered in my ears that, “I’m wearing a tampon just for you.” (actually I’m not a big fan of tampons, so it shows how well she doesn’t know me, LOL) and I know that she never has in her life. For her to do that is a sign that she’s willing to do something out-of-the-ordinary for me, thus emotions help us overcome things we would not think possible.
In the end, as much as my fetish is important to me and a part of who I am, choosing a girlfriend or wife would not revolve around the acceptance (as long as it isn’t complete rejection) of my interests. Love is an indescribable thing that sometimes if someone asks, “Why do you love person X?” your answer is simply, “Because I do.” And beyond that, I cannot justify it. Period or not – she is who she is.
Posted on August 10, 2010, in Periodtastic, TMI Corner and tagged Blog, Education, Educational, Family Life, Fetish, Girlfriend, Health, Interests, Love, Men, Menstrual, Menstruation, My Life, Periods, Personal, Relationship, Sex, Sex Drive, Thoughts, Women's Health. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.