Good Person Gone Bad – Karma Fails

Intriguing title, no?

On Friday, it was just an ordinary work-day, did a bit here and there, diddly-dallied with some coworkers and then had lunch with one of our temporary employees who was working his last day to return to school. It’s sad to see him go, but hopefully his next work placement, he will be back. Other than his thick Chinese accent when speaking English, he’s a very hard worker and a smart one. My dad and I were the first two Chinese people ever hired within our department. I remember my boss jokingly told me one time that, “If we hired 5 Chinese people, they could replace the entire department at the rate you guys work at!” and I laughed. I used to be just like that, at work early, work hard throughout the entire day and work later than everyone else.

Perhaps a cultural thing, but over 4-5 months of working there, I already adopted the same laziness as everyone else. Everyone thinks this is some conspiracy (jokingly) that they’re beginning to hire more Chinese people because we tend to put in the “extra effort” to get the job done and even the work-term student we got is Chinese. It’s not to say there aren’t people of different background and cultures who work equally, if not more, hard – but the reality is you will find that the general consensus is that we’re so used to pushing ourselves “back at home” that here in Canada, it is actually “above and beyond” what is expected.

Anyways, yes, so we went to eat Japanese Buffet (Sushi) and this is already the second time in the same week. I really didn’t want to because you know, you tend to try to get your monies worth at a buffet, so essentially you’re walking a path of unhealthiness. Suffice to say, we had a great time and the department is back to one Asian person – me 😆 Although I didn’t work directly with him or even talk to him a lot, it feels lonely when you’re the only person “of another culture” at work. You could say I work in a very white-oriented organization.

OK, so enough of that… let’s rewind to Thursday because I have no idea why I jumped ahead. I have a very disorganized brain. Thursday was a severely fucked up day. A few weeks ago I had asked my cousin whether she wanted me to pick up her from the airport and drop her off at her place in Toronto. I miss my cousin because we don’t see each other a lot, even if we’re only a mere 70km away from each other and if you’re not an Ontarian, you need to know 70km is not considered “far”. I thought if I picked her up at the airport, it’d be a nice way to spend a bit of time together before (her) school starts again.

Unfortunately she did not confirm that she wanted to have me pick her up and just the previous night before her return, she told me that she needed a ride. Ack, because on the same evening, I had committed myself to going to a friend’s birthday dinner. The good thing is that it was a guy’s birthday dinner, so it was easier for me to tell him I had to leave after an hour. It was great because we went to the same place I mentioned above, for Japanese food,  but dinner menu also offers my favourite, SASHIMI!! I only had an hour to stuff myself and it’s pretty painful to do that, but I also needed to get out to the airport. It takes an hour for me to get there and as luck would have it, there was a bit of heavy rainfall that slow traffic down a bit. However, I did get there on time and picked her up.

We had a nice chat on the ride back to her place in Toronto downtown. I hate driving in downtown because you have to contend with so much shit. Pedestrians, motorists nor bikers follow the laws of the road, they simply do as they see fit. I love Canada for all the amenities we have and that we protect human rights, but sometimes it’s just too much. I wish we’d adopt a bit of China’s rules when it comes to traffic. For instance, if you step out on the street when you’re not supposed to and someone hits you, you deserve it. The person who hit you should not have to pay you insurance because you violated the law and if you lost a leg – TOO FUCKING BAD. In China, if you get hit while crossing illegally, it’s your own damn fault. We give way too much credit to human rights here that people begin to abuse it. Back on track – so yes, I dislike driving in Toronto downtown because people are not careful and respectful of others needs. However, sometimes driving there is unavoidable. About 9ish, I arrived at my cousins place with her. All I have to say is her place is damn spiffy and times like these, I wish I were born into a rich family. 2 months of rent for her is about a year’s worth of property tax for me. I parked the car at her place because she had a parking spot. We walked over to a quaint little diner across the street and she got a waffle and I had a ice cream float. At first I thought the prices were a bit steep but once I saw the portion-size, my eyes exploded. Still being extremely full from eating a buffet dinner, obviously I could not even put anymore food in my body.

We departed and I began to drive home and here’s where the fucked up part begins. As I’m headed towards the highway exit, the left rear-side of my car gets hit by a fucking bus because the asshole probably didn’t bother checking his blind-spot on a lane change. As we weren’t moving very fast (luckily), the damage was minimal. I think he was very afraid because he pulled back in his lane and waited for me to flag him down to the side to exchange insurance information. I looked at my side mirror to check for visible damage – nothing. I looked in my rear mirror to check for trunk damage – nothing. I know the impact wasn’t very great because I’ve been rear-ended before and it was very similar, just a “tap” and probably traded a bit of paint.

Having something like that happened pissed me off because as I said, I hate driving in Toronto. When you’re a bus driver, you have more than just the life of yourself in your hands – ALL the passenger on it lie in your driving skills and how can you ignore something as basic as checking your blind spot. I thought about stopping since you’re supposed to, but I couldn’t be assed for several reasons. One was because the damage wasn’t severe and two was because I just turned 25 and my insurance went down, the last thing I want to do is to claim $50 of damage and have my premiums go up by a thousand. Screw it I thought – he’s probably shitting himself already and that’s enough vengeance as it stands. Had I not recently had an insurance premium drop as a result of my age, you sure as hell would expect me to make him stop and exchange information! Times like these I also wish we had a bit of United States within us where citizens could carry guns legally. I’d probably get out of my car and shot that bus or put a bullet through the drivers head for such blatant disregard of shitty lane-changing. Toronto downtown streets are tight and people just care about themselves and thus I avoid driving there. I didn’t bother stopping only because it was for the sake of myself – so this guy/girl should really consider him/herself REALLY REALLY lucky. Of course I know by law you should stop either way, but oh well. By the time I got home and got out of the car, it was only a long white streak and some cosmetic damage to the rear bumper.

Rather than telling my mom a bus hit me, I just told her someone bumped into my car in the parking lot at work. It was for the best and although I hate lying to my own mother, she’d be very worried if she found out I was in an accident. Also, people were already asking why my cousin didn’t just take the bus/taxi home instead of having me drive from one city to another to get her and drop her off and then having to go back home. Even my aunt who happened to talk to my mom on the phone in the evening when I was out asked the same question. I suppose you can say I spoil my cousin. A bit of the reason is because when I was younger, I had a massive crush on her, so I cannot deny that I might “do a bit more for her” as opposed to someone else. I’m a guy and I’m a sucker for girls – what can I say? LOL. Suffice to say, if I told my mom I got into an accident in Toronto as a result of going out unnecessarily, she’d probably freak and say, “I told you so!” Why bother? The most freaky thought was that even though this was already a very LUCKY incident that it was not anything huge… I thought to myself that bebe never even let me see her before she went back to Malaysia had that accident been something big and the bus crushed me to death or something. You may think I’m exaggerating, but anyone who’s been in a car accident knows it’s no laughing matter and that anything can happen. I hope when she comes back, she’ll start appreciating how short life is and start to take advantage of it. Things change fast in life, people come and people go – we should be making the best of it and to be a part of each other.

Anyways, you may think at this point what relevance my title has to do with this. The point is that almost daily, my mentality that being a good person has no reward is being proven. I’m not going to say I was some kind of “hero” by helping my cousin get home, even if it was out-of-the-way. I’m not saying I need to have a medal given to me for it, but I do believe it was a generous thing to do. However, getting hit by a bus, on the way home after doing something “good” just makes me fume. It’s not her fault she asked me to pick her up that this happened – it’s the idiot drivers fault. Yet I think to myself, how retarded it is for one to believe that doing good things lead to good fortune. I suppose if doing something good ends up causing my car to get hit by a bus, then perhaps shooting someone in the head will result in me winning the lottery. Am I too much of a nice guy? Does bebe not feel strongly for me as I do for her because I’m too nice? Do girls really like “the bad boys?” I’m nice to her because I love her and I think that’s a very normal thing. Just like I care about my cousin, I’m willing to do something out-of-the-way for her. However, I’m proven time and time again in life that not ONLY does doing good things not result in good karma happening, it results in even WORSE things happening.

To sum it up, here’s a lesson of life:

Do good things ≠ Good things happening to you
Do bad things ≠ Bad things happening to you

Do good things = More likely bad things happening to you
Do bad things = More likely good things happening to you

2 weeks already that bebe’s been in Malaysia… hasn’t bothered saying a word to me and telling me how she’s doing. I’m not only getting frustrated now, I’m getting annoyed. Are these actions even defensible? Can one truly justify treating someone like shit? I can understand a person wanting to hurt another if you’ve done something bad for them – but to do something like that to someone who has shown so much love and affection? I cannot understand, perhaps my brain is too small or I think life is too simple. I’m not asking her to immediately love me back because that will take time – I’m asking to be treated like a self-dignified human being.

You would think that her being so far would make me lose feelings for her, but it hasn’t. My feelings for her are still indescribably strong. I still have passionate dreams about her and it’s hard for me to find perfection in other girls, other than her. I think about her and worry for her. What is she doing? Who is she with? Is she in a safe environment? Is she in good company? Is she healthy and well? Is she happy and relaxed?  – I continue to wish for her well-being because she’s a very important person to me. Her brother will be starting university soon – I am excited and proud of him – just as if he was my own brother. I hope I get to call him brother-in-law one day! I miss bebe and I want to hold her tight right now. Love is supposed to be a strong, wonderful and positively-live changing feeling. Why is it at times that my love for bebe is bringing the worst out in me, frustrating, anger and vengeance, instead of tender, loving care? What kind of person have I become – why is this monster within me coming out? I need to harness my affection of her to feel more positive and vibrant!

The easiest way I can see her now and give her a sweet kiss is in my dreams… and given it is 11:05PM – I may as well go do that right now! ♥

About Prexus Swyftwynd

Probably not a good idea for you to know anything about me....

Posted on September 5, 2010, in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. OMG! I’m glad that yur writing this message coz at least u r ok. There r no injuries to u rite? Wut is the feeling like, is it scary? Wut’s the bk of the car like now .. or the side or smthg?

    I dun think you can ever be a bad person or that wut is brought out within u is a monster. It is not in yur nature to be mean and I think that all of us sometimes has ‘fire blocking our vision’ and when u think things though, it doesn’t seem like a big deal anymore and we learn to cool down and control instant-reaction to things.

    Oi… such a far driving to airport, TO and then bk home… u hv so much energy! How did u enjoy the Italy pics? Dream of u n bebe there together and kissing under the sunset or moonlight? xDD U r so cute with her, kekekke. Big guy, little girl 😀 Did u get lipo or smthg? U look a lot thinner than b4 all of a sudden… or is yur diet paying off?!!

    • Ya I’m ok – still typing the post so I’m alive, LOL. It was just a white streak on the side of my car, but I was miffed about it. I was really angry and shit, but oh well, at least it wasn’t something that needed to go through insurance. I know supposed to stop and all, but I just couldn’t be assed, especially so late at night and when the damage is negligible. Accidents are scary nonetheless though, even if it’s something small because I could feel the whole car shaking. My coworker managed to rub off most of the streak from the side and only a bit of the marking is on the rear bumper. He gave me the name of some car wipe that’s supposed to get rid of scratches/markings, so I’ll have to find it in stores.

      I can be a terrible person IF I need to be… of course I want to avoid it because it’s just not-nice. Nevertheless, I’m always “good” when someone else is in the car with me. Some idiot cut me off when we were exciting the airport and my cousin was scared that I’d try to hurt/race with the guy. I probably would’ve tried to make him slam into a pole, but she was in the car and I didn’t want to be rough with the guy when she’s in it.

      Ya, the airport was a long drive and going to her place wasn’t close either. Driving to the airport is easy and relaxed – TO downtown is not. I loved your Italy pics, they’re so romantic too 😛 Haha, bebe and I are cute together, people who’ve seen us together said so too! I really like the pic Sarah made of bebe and I 😀 we’re definitely a match made in heaven, lol, even if she denies it! Ya, I am thinner by-looks, but not by weight… I weigh the same as before, but all this running has helped me sweat the fat out of me. Apparently my skin is a lot better now and not as dry.. also slowly getting rid of the fat on my face. Still not as thin as I’d like – but I’m making progress. I’m actually looking myself in the mirror now 😛

      I’m REALLY REALLY happy with the results.. I mean of course there’s still a lot of weight to be loss, but if people who don’t know I’m trying to lose weight say that I look a lot thinner, then obviously something GOOD is happening! Hope I can keep this up so I look like a new cute boy that bebe wants… because you know girls just want good looks XD Don’t lie… lol.

      • Kekeke… c’ing u talk abt her is shoooo cute xDD Do u ever get tired of being so nice to her and caring abt her? Must be so much work n’ effort. Did u frame the pic she made for u so u can stare at her all day? LOL! 😀

        Self-confidence is good lor… just don’t go TOO much over bcoz then it’s changing who u r and u will start searching for other girls. There IS a reason why they say “leng jai mo boon sum” and it is quite true. Sometimes when a guy/girl looks too good, they start to abuse the advantage and not consider the feelings of their special-someone coz it’s so “easy” to get another guy or girl, even if that person doesn’t really love them. It makes me happy to hear u r feeling more proud of urself and comfortable w/ how u look – but don’t let it cloud who u really care for!

        Do u plan on getting bumper replaced? Body work? Fix?

        I read that u told another reader that u care much more about being healthy n u r right! Don’t forget that weight is not a 100% healthiness factor… many thin ppl can also b unhealthy. Once u get to a good weight, just maintain, dun keep looking to lose more n more. Yur body structure is there n u can’t just bcom skin n’ bones… Also big guys make girls feel more security 😛

        U should quell yur driving temper, u may hurt someone… although I guess depending on who, u may be ok w/ that? 😆

  2. My husband looses his mind every time he comes to pick me up from Toronto. For every reason you stated. He feels the same way…thinks he gets punished for doing the right thing, being a nice guy. Dependable.

    Bebe is being a jerk.

    • Bebe’s just doing what she thinks is right for now =\ All I can do is believe that she needs that time to herself, have the freedom she wants and then will finally feel for me. It’s so hard to pressure someone to care, and I wouldn’t bother if I know we don’t have spark or chemistry – but the truth is we do and that’s why I’m not giving up. If I saw a dead end, I would never bother pursuing a girl, but it’s because bebe and I are so right for each other, even if she does find me particularly attractive, we have this connection with each other that’s irrefutable. I think she’s just too enthralled with her life with her friends that she forgets that she has a special guy waiting for her. I know friends are an integral part of life and I don’t epxect her to giev them up when she’s with me – she sees a relationship as too much of an obligation than an enjoyment… I also feel confident I can bring her happiness in life and that I can provide for her. I try not to chase girls who are too far out of my league, lol – people are very realistic these days, haha.

      I know roads are dangerous to begin with, but when you’re in a highly-populated and aggressive-drivers area, it just makes the roads that-much-more dangerous. I know there’s tons of people who drive of Toronto roads and never get into a single accident – so I guess sometimes luck just sucks. Wrong place at the wrong time! But I’m glad I’m not the only guy who thinks that being a good person has no rewards and if anything, being punished is even worse, HAHA… that just sets the tone on what type of person I want to become 😛

  1. Pingback: Good Person Gone Bad – Karma Fails (via MEN in Menstruation) « Gloss2beauty

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