Societal Norms Clashes with Culture

I know Sophia’s going to have a lot of fun with this topic, but I’m thinking lots of people have been wedged between soceital norms and culture. I have a varied group of friends, from (true) white Canadians to those of my own background and I have often noticed distinct differences to opinions based around what our society determines to be normal. Living in Canada, I must say I’m very fortunate that most around us are very accepting and tolerant of differences and everyone sticks to their own without meddling in others affairs. However the other day as I was having a discussion amongst friends, everyone seemed to have a very different outlook on core things… particularly with living environment. Let me elaborate.

Being raised in a traditional Asian household, it has always been accepted that one’s children and family will always be accepted in the household, whether you are 18 or 80. Most of my white-Canadian friends have moved out while I am still at home. I always ask them, “What is home?” I have one friend in particular who I thought was joking to me when he told me that when he turned 18, he found a note from his father who essentially said, “You’re 18 now, get out of the house.” To me, that’s shocking because 18 is an age where most people are still struggling to find themselves, let alone move out. Certainly, there are many who survive leaving home at this age, especially those who seek independence, yet why?

Being in my mid-20’s, I think people look at me weird for still “living at home.” To be honest, I’m comfortable living here and see no necessity to move away. Of course when I have my own family one day, I’m sure I’ll leave ‘home’ – but I currently, there’s no legitimate reason why I should other than what society defines as the norm. Why must one leave home at a certain age – does it imply independence? In the past, I have pondered whether bebe looks down on me because I’m still at home and we’ve never really discussed that. To me, my whole life revolves around my family and I know many people use the word “weird” to describe people who sitll live at home with their parents. Of course my circumstance is a bit different as I live at home also because of my father who passed away a few years ago, leaving my mom on her own. I cannot fathom what sort of son would ditch his mother for the sake of being labeled as independent by society.

Don’t fool yourself, because I have a friend who asked me after my dad’s death whether I would move out. I asked why and I explained that it’s hard for my mom to life on her own without a source of income and no one to take care of her (since my mom had me, she has not been back into the workplace) as my Dad did all that – everything from finances to even doing the gardening. His response was that, “You should leave your mom behind, she’ll survive.” and to me, that was a pretty shitty thing to even think. Perhaps in his culture, as a white-Canadian, this is a totally acceptable thing, but to me, it is not. I know that it’s possible to fulfill a son’s obligations to his parents without living with them, but currently, I don’t have my own family yet, so of course I intend to take care of my mother in the same house until the situation presents itself where I can no longer do that. Had my father still been alive, moving out would of course be a potential route to take.

I think what people these days don’t realize is the cost of moving out. Everyone wants independance and of course if you have a family of your own, wife/husband/partner/kids, I can see it being a need, but to move out just because is foolish. Unless you have an amazing job, you will find trying to make ends meet is very hard. This is definitely a very culturally-based thing. Talking to an Indian coworker of mine, she says she has kids of various ages, from school-age to into their 30’s and many of them still live at home. She says, “I welcome and encourage my kids to live at home any time.” This is a very conflicting thing with Canadian societies expectations of kids being booted out of their homes. You will find many Asians live with their parents or even grandparents if they are lucky enough. Having a tight-knit family should not be discouraged. I suppose another big thing is that many people don’t get along with their parents. My retort to most people when they say I need to get out of the house is, “Just because YOU have a dysfunctional family and don’t get along with your parents, doesn’t mean I don’t!

I live at home because not only do I have many advantages of having meals prepared and ya… even my bed made, but also because it’s financially sound. Why move out when there only needs to be one set of bills to be paid? Why move out and cause financial strain on both my mother and I? Why move out when we could cook-for-two and save money? Don’t forget things like utilities are generally fixed costs and you’re simply doubling it by moving out (two different locations). I think most people seek that independence so much it blinds them to the financial aspects. By living at home, in a few year’s time, I will have enough money to fully purchase a quarter-million dollar house with no mortgage by living at home. Let’s just say for the sake of argument, bebe can contribute the same amount, we could be living in a half-million dollar home easily and not owe the bank a cent. For anyone who’s holding a mortgage, you will know that the few thousand dollars you save every month could be used for LOTS of things. By living at home, the first year I worked full-time I had already saved up enough money to put a down-payment for a decently priced house. Now you must think that I just freeload, but I actually pay a good portion of the household bills, especially with my mom having no income, and of course my own stuff like car insurance, life insurance, internet, gas, etc. Do people not realize the savings for both your parents AND you by staying at home?

After having this conversation, I did think back about whether bebe has ever looked down on me for still being at home. I know we’re both very family-oriented people and value the importance of it, but I’m not sure if she views me poorly as a result. I mean, I still wouldn’t move out just to please her, but I would certainly want her to know the reasons why I’m at home, but also respecting the fact that one day when we’re financially capable, to move out on our own. When people ask me why I’m still at home, I simply tell them I have “no need to leave home right now.” Hell, I don’t even want to leave home until the situation presents itself. It’s not a matter of me not being able to fend for myself or that my mom is incapable of surviving, but it’s about making sound and rational decisions. For the most part, I get all the freedom I have being at home, than moving out. I’d dare say I get even more freedom since there are many things I don’t need to do know that I would being on my own (ok, I do admit to a bit of spoiling, but I’m not USELESS at least).

Our culture definitely plays a large role on how you perceive others or even yourself when it comes to “staying at home.” In many cultures, it’s pretty much acceptable to stay at home until you get married. In other cultures, this is totally frowned upon and makes you appear not self-sufficient enough. Many will give you weird looks or already generate prejudice based on who’s roof you live under. I think it’s much worse to “get a place of your own” in a dead-beat basement of someone’s home than living comfortably under the same roof with your loving family. Do I have short term plans to move out? No. Will I ever leave home? Probably. I think there’ll definitely be evolution as to what the plan is as bebe and I progress, but I don’t want her to believe that I’m going to latch on to mommy’s leg and not go anywhere. I have a responsibility to take care of my mother and I don’t want bebe to see this as being a burden on me where she will have to deal with the consequences of it. When the time comes, I will need to balance both sides and yet allowing bebe and I to have a place of our own to raise our own family.

Listening to a variety of my coworkers discuss their kids staying at home and such, it really places an emphasis that those who are not “of colour” are more likely to have kids who have moved out (or been booted out), more than those of non-Canadian culture. I love being Asian, yet living in Canada, but there are times when I find them my cultural mentality differs from what Canadian society expects and demands – because we are judged on such things. I proudly live at home, because I can save money, contribute to the well-being of my family and also take care of my mother. Yes, I am “older than what I should be” to still be at home, but I have the freedom here as I would with my own place. Funny that the other day I was discussing how my mom would not like it if I had girls over in my room because I was testing the traditionalistic side of my mom… only to find out she’s more accepting of reality than I expected. I said, “Well mom, you wouldn’t like it if a girl stayed overnight anyways…” and she said, “Well, I wouldn’t be happy if it was just a girl you just met, but if you have been dating her for a while, I’d be ok with it.” Suffice to say, I was quite surprized that my mom would be, of all people, to be so open to an idea such as that. Of course it’s not that I’m thinking about doing something like that, but it was to see how much freedom I really have “at home.” This is a great house and household to be living under and I have what others seek when they move out – freedom and independence… I have all that here, plus more!

About Prexus Swyftwynd

Probably not a good idea for you to know anything about me....

Posted on September 29, 2010, in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. I’m not sure how I feel about this post.

    The one side I see you as admirably taking care of your mom, and the other side I see it as being a uncomfortably co-dependent relationship.

    Your mom is still adjusting to life without your dad, and you’re there to keep her company and help her with bills. Good son.
    On the other side, your taking over your dad’s roll. When is your mom going to learn to do these things herself? Does she want to?

    People usually move out when they want to start their own life separate from their parents, making their own choices. The whole “while your under my roof, my rules” saying. They want to start making their own identity.

    People I know would be on their way the first chance they are financially able. They are sick of having their parents go through their room, their financial records. etc. (nothing is sacred)

    My parents, meaning my mom. would have loved for me to never move out. If i hadn’t gotten married they would never have been as”hands off” in my life. (if you could even call it that) then if i hadn’t. I know she feels uncomfortable telling me husband what to do, hah.
    I could have stayed if it meant I would become her perfect little dolly and go back to school, eat whatever she says, and spend my money “appropriately” I would also be cleaning the whole house while they would tell me I “missed a spot” in the corner.

    Most people I know are not okay with their parents going into their room and looking through everything, ( you mentioned this, ruler story I believe)making your bed. How do you feel about things of that sort? Do you automatically feel whatever your mom says is “gold” and you follow it? Is it in your culture to be more “obedient”? Maybe canadians are free- thinkers and feel their needs to be change with each generation.

    I don’t feel my parents are right all the time ,and my mom is so emotionally demanding and draining that she doesn’t see things clearly or even want to recognize other opinions. (After a she brews for a while ,she’ll come around after asking opinions of friends and co workers)

    I know a lot of friends who won’t be moving out until they are married..mostly because their parents want direct control of their life. (Italian, Indian,Pakistani, Philipino.)

    I’ve got some more thoughts floating around but it’s too late and I can’t put them into words. Tommrow I’ll be backkkk.

    • Co-dependent was an interesting way of describing the relationship where I actually had to look up the true definition and description of it… many of those things don’t seem to fit, however, I acknowledge your point-of-view. I took over my dad’s role because at the time of his death, many things she did not know how to handle fully. After 3 years now, she’s able to do everything that my dad did and it’s almost kind of scary how people can pick things up so fast. There’s a Chinese saying that goes, “Horse dies, get on the ground and walk”… essentially, the situation where she’s forced to learn/do things that she once did not do. Suffice to say, there was a learning curve for me to teach her things like internet banking, automated bill payments and more of the technology-based thing where she is weaker.

      Being a stay-at-home mom for the past 25 years of her life, she is very adept at taking care of things at home. Getting around and groceries is not an issue for her, nor cooking. She is quite capable of learning and even I’m shocked at her ability to manage. I could also say she’s much more capable of taking care of myself than I am of MYSELF, haha. You have to remember, she’s survived in Canada by herself for many years, so I don’t worry whether she’s able to learn or wants to do these things. I worried at first she might struggle, only to find out she’s capable of taking care of herself should I move out. She’s quite a realist and does acknowledge that when bebe and I get into a steady relationship, we may want to move out on our own and she has no problems with that. My mom as sheltered as she may be, knows quite a bit about the world and has gained many years of wisdom. She’s pretty much got the plan down of once I have my own family, she’ll likely go back to Hong Kong more often to be with her family and home-land.

      I’ve hardly had the whole “my roof, my rules” thing applied. My family dynamics is probably the most hated thing by feminists. My family has always been (and traditionally, many Asian-oriented families) are very male-centric, such that, when I took up the role of being head-of-the-household, it included the power. I’m not saying I rule my mom with an iron fist, but part of what my dad left for me is the role to ensure my mom is safe, healthy and sound – but it also meant that I took up the power of vetoing control as well. With more male-dominated cultures (which mind you, Canadian society followed-suit in generations before too), I assume the role of command within the household. Before, it was “what Dad said goes” and now, it’s “what I say goes.” It sounds cruel in a way to have power of your own parents, but such is just the dynamics in my family. My mom will make sure I know where she is before going out, will ask me before making large purchases, etc. I have become a leadership role of this household. I can see this as being a very frowned-upon thing, yet IT WORKS and everyone is happy. I rarely need to “command” simply because she is my mother and I defer most of the decisions to be made on her own. At the same time, when a poor decision is made, I need to make a stand. Recently there were a few days where we had some rough winds/rain. My mom wanted to walk out to the market to buy things and I gave her one of two choices: let me drive her or don’t go. I simply cannot risk letting my mom out in such poor weather. I rarely make her decisions for her, but I was against her going out there in a condition which may be hazardous. Again, this is something that’s a very awkward thing for others to understand, but I don’t think the “my roof, my rules” thing applies to us. In the end, it’s her roof, but under my rules because of how the responsibility to protecting the family was passed from my dad to me.

      It’s kind of weird that parents would ever want to go through their kids financial records or their stuff. Other than my pads/tampons I keep in the house, there’s nothing else I would worry about my parents finding. Maybe it doesn’t discomfort me? It’s not like I have anything to shelter… or maybe that’s just my point of view. There are drawers in my house that she won’t even go near, like my bills/credit/statements/tax/investments, etc because she’d have no idea what to do with it. Also, there are “my” cabinets in the house which is strictly for me and I know she doesn’t even open it. Likewise, there are places in the house where I don’t go near because that’s her private space. Other places and storages in the house are common and we share accordingly.

      About the “hands off” thing… my mom really doesn’t control me. I make my decisions independently and I have to, since I need to balance the responsibilities of myself as a son and my role of my father. Many things I do without asking or at most, consult. In the end, I make the final decision. It’s hard to explain the complexity of it because the way my family works is very very different than what people can even fathom or begin to understand. It would take someone to really know my family structure well and more importantly, know who I am as a person to comprehend this. I can understand from “outsiders” looking in to be either 1) scared, or 2) disgusted. Either way, I’ve always lived my life where I don’t care much about how people view me 😛 The only person I’d really be concerned with of how I was viewed would be bebe. I mean if it’s THAT big of a deal that I take care of my mom to her under the same house – then I would take into consideration moving away before we establish a long-term relationship. I would have to say bebe’s the type of girl I like because she understands the Asian culture and culturally practices. The reality is I would sacrifice my existing living conditions to be with her, just that I would also assume there’d be a degree of understanding. She loves her parents just as I love mine.

      I see from your description that your mom is definitely more over-bearing than mine. I suppose it’s weird because my grandparents have never once lived apart from their children. Every child they’ve had (i.e my uncles) have all lived with them under their OWN roof at any given point. There were years where my grandparents stayed in our house and in houses of many of my uncles/aunts. Maybe because I dare say we have a solid and close family where this is not an issue. It was not a matter of “tolerating” them.. in fact, WELCOMED. Likewise, I would forever extend my welcome to bebe’s parents should they ever want to come over for a short or extended stay. To me, when you get into a relationship with someone, you not only have to love him/her, but also their family. This is a very cultural thing and I have only spoken to Asian and Italian families who share the same sentiments as me. It’s about joining two families together in harmony. Even if worse comes to worse where I dislike her parents (which I don’t see happening), I would still treat them as if they’re my OWN parents, because it’s part of a relationship to be inclusive of each other’s family and to learn to get along anyways. Sounds impossible, no? But that’s the reality of family dynamics in an Asian household.

      I am obedient when what she says is rational to the situation. As mentioned above, taking on the role of my father, I tend to leer the power more than her. If I have to say yes or no, those become the more golden rules than mine. Being obedient does not mean not having a brain or decision-making knowledge. My dad from day 1 has drilled that in my head. Children need to be obedient and filial to their parents, BUT, only a dumb kid listens to the commands of their parents without using their own intuition to make decisions. A smart kid listens to his parents, judges whether it’s a sound one and acts upon it. A foolish kid, as obedient as he/she may be, will take everything their parents say as truth without question. It’s a very important thing I have picked up from my father and even he believes in questioning decisions made by parents, even himself, if the case can be presented in a logical manner. I listen to my mom but at the same time, if I feel the decision needs to be declined, rejected or revoked – I will do so.

      I have one Filipino friend and I love going over to his house seeing how family-warming it is. I don’t believe I’ll live under the same roof as my mom for the rest of my life and certainly, I can understand bebe wanting a place of our own for our family to flourish, but I also would like to be within a DECENT (acceptable driving) distance from my mom. Of course my mom totally plans to only stay in Canada 1/2 year and be in Hong Kong for the other half (she hates the cold winters here), so it’s not a huge issue. The house, we stay in it now only because she wants to pass it off to me when I get married. She doesn’t want a house even this big for the two of us right now. Her dream is to live in a condo where everything is taken care of. My mom and dad always planned to move to one of those awesome retirement homes once they reached the age, haha. She’s a lot more independent than I make her sound but people have to really know me and her to make-sense of it all. I know judgments are passed easily and bebe has probably made many judgments already and it’ll take her time to understand it all.

      All I want to provide for bebe is happiness and a comfortable life. Our family is important to us and I’m sure that the future house we get, I’ll make sure there’s always enough accommodation available for our family. Should her parents or my mom ever want to drop in to visit, we’ll welcome them with open arms. I want both of us to be inclusive of each others family and to a degree, even our friends (obviously we’ll still have our ‘own’ friends, because you can’t have EVERY friend in-common). When the time comes, things will fall into place. Bebe also needs not worry about this since we’ll make do with the situation. There’s way more things in our own relationship to work out before we start thinking about living quarters, LOL… let’s learn to love each other first 😆 However if she is thinking about this, I’m kind of happy, since that means at least we’ve considered our future together before 😛 Gotta be more optimistic, right? 😀

      Btw, the trend is changing. With the increase cost of housing and such, many of even my older coworkers are beginning to add “in-law suites” to their houses and such… it makes total sense and allows them to share bills, common eating area, family-closeness, the ability to take care of the elderly and work of mortgages WAY faster. Society changes with the environment around them and learn to adapt. I thought hell would have to freeze over before something like this happens, but I see many of the people at work beginning to adopt this, where “living with ones parents or even in-laws” is not such an awkward thing.

  2. I think that your mom views you as “in charge” (or at least a little boy she can’t boss around) helps you feel comfortable at home. My parents thought that even though I was contributing, I didn’t get say on anything, lol. (food, new throw pillows, you name it)

    It didn’t feel like home because it was only their’s.

    My sister and I also did our own laundry and made, or didn’t make our beds. (When we were old enough, high school I think)I guess we were sorta groomed to be more independent from the start.

    It is nice that if you moved out, your mom would welcome you back. I know a lot of my friends and I wouldn’t be able to move back in. (not at all , or not without jumping through some major hoops) All the family (friends and mine) would expect us to take care of them when they are older. I say you get what you give. (your mom would get lots, heh)

    I do tsk tsk about you mom making your bed. 😛

    • Yep, she does… I mean, pretty much everything she does comes through me and she considers me to be the head of the household. When people ask her things, she’ll defer most of the decision-making to me. I guess you’re right about that’s what makes me feel comfortable. If I lived under the conditions where I feel strangled or trapped, I probably would’ve preferred to move out. I have almost the same liberties living on my own as I would “at home.” I get to pretty much choose everything in the house, the food, what gets repaired, which utility company to go with, etc.

      Even when my dad was around, he trained me to make logical and informed decisions. He included me on things like when we renovated our washroom and windows. The way they brought me up lead me to take up his role easier, or perhaps I should say the “role of a man in a traditional family” – obviously now the role of men and women have been melded together or aren’t as defined as what “males must do” and what “females must do.” I still carry an old-fashion type of mentality and a very caring/babying type of responsibility to girls. The more independent or feminist girls hate guys like me, haha. Even to bebe, I enjoy driving her to places, helping her with school-related stuff, buying her groceries, tidying things up for her, etc.. I guess I care about her so much I want to be at her whim to “fulfill my duty as a guy.” Ya, my mentality doesn’t fair well with your typical Canadian girl 😛

      I’m a weird mixture of being dependent and being independent… there’s things which I’ll admit I’m pretty clueless about and there’s other things I strive in and will help out whenever it’s humanly possible. I suppose in a way, I know that there are some things that bebe can totally rely on me for and there are things I know that I will have to rely on her. I know where I lack and I know a person can’t be great at everything. Even some of the simplest things I don’t do very well. I know it makes some people giggle, but then I feel I have strengths in other places. I remember when bebe watched me struggle with washing dishes – that probably made her giggle and worry at the same time 😆

      Yes, I grew up in a very loving household and family and I know I’d help out with any family responsibility if I could. If any of my family wanted to drop in and stay for whatever (decent) reason, I’d certainly open my home to them. I can’t imagine living in a family where there are so many barriers – but that’s probably because I’m just not accustomed to it (just like you’re not accustomed to being able to move back home). To each their own and every family breeds different children 😀 Family life is important to me and that’s why finding a girl like bebe who cherishes family-life and understands Asian family structure. Bebe has a pretty large family and has been immersed in it, so it’s an easy concept and feeling for her. Girls who I’ve been with who aren’t used to immersion in a large family find themselves unknown on how to act and stuff like that would find a long-term relationship with me hard. I’m happy to say that I believe bebe would integrate perfectly given that she’s very well-mannered and knowledgeable of family interaction. If I didn’t think so, I wouldn’t even bother with trying for a long-term relationship with her 😛

      And I’m sure many people tsk-tsk at that… but haha, that’s only the tip of it 😆 … if you knew all the other things, you’d be repulsed, hah.

  3. I have had my parents staying over on the weekends because of construction going on in there home. They stayed over for 5 weekends, including the long weekend!eee. I offered and they accepted and it was a pain in the butt but we did it. I did get really mad when they randomly showed up and called me and said, “we’re here”. We were out for a coffee and had to hurry home to let them in. (woulda been nice for a heads up) They also like to leave super early the next day, say 73oam. If i get home at 12pm from work, I don’t get to bed until well after. Waking me up to lock the door behind them is a pain but fine, don’t wake me up before your ready to go! Waiting around for 20 minutes totally wakes me up.

    They really tried to be unobtrusive.(coming later at night)…but somethings still bugged the crap out of me. One night I had to call them and say….”when are you coming”? because it was 11pm and they said they we’re coming. I had worked a double shift and just wanted to get to bed. They replied, oh we’re too tired to come, just too tired. Wtf?! Why did I just do some extra chores so the place would be more presentable. They totally made it seem like I was bugging them. grrr.

    Mind you I have a sister closer to them, has a baby she’d love help with and my mom would say no. Grrr. I’m the one that can never say no.

    Sorry for the rant but I feels like I go the shit end of things sometimes. Family holidays are stressful because apparently I’m not a guest and need to do everything she doesn’t want to do (or my dad can’t do) Yay for thanksgiving. I’m pretty sure I’m working this year so…yeah. haven’t told her yet, lol.

    • I understand the predicament that most people are stuck in with their parents.. I mean, I see enough of what my friends go through and stuff, both ones my age and older ones. I think it’s important for parents to respect the needs of their offsprings, particularly when they get married and have a “family of their own.” The great thing is I know my mom is very easy-going and knows how to look at things from the bigger picture. My mom and all her friends already knows I’m very loving towards my girls and they always say I’ll end up treating my girlfriend/wife better than my mom.

      Both of these women play an important part in my life and both of them love me in a different way, just as I love them in different ways. There’s no reason for bebe or my mom to ever be jealous of each other. Bebe and I had this discussion once and it’s great to see how mature she is when it comes to family ordeals and her understanding that loving one’s parents is just as important. A son’s worse nightmare is being stuck between “siding” with his wife or his own mother. I don’t want to be stuck in a situation like that and that’s why I know bebe’s the right type of girl for me – because she understands and cares.

      Parents will sometimes do things that we find weird, like what happened to you when they tried to think in your best interest. I admit that I’ve experienced things my parents have done in my interest but have it backfire. The main thing is acknowledging the fact they mean well and overlooking the potential annoyance and being upset over it. We just have to remember it’s our parents who brought us into existence and we owe them nothing less than our lives.

      See, obviously mommy and daddy love you more 😛 Being the only child, I guess I’ll never know what it feels like to be the more-loved or less-loved one, LOL.

      No biggie about the rant… we all have our own things in life to deal with and things that irk us. I mean, life is going pretty smooth for me right now – just wish bebe was around to enjoy it with me. I can’t help but worry about our future, at the same time, I want to foster that love between us. The main worry right now is moving on with my life, having a bright career ahead of me and being able to provide for us and hopefully one day, a family of our own. It hurts me to know that she finds it easier to not talk to me, it’s like being stabbed in the heart, but I know she’ll come through soon. She’s a bright girl and knows that when the right time comes, she’ll do the right thing and I have faith in her. You have a right to rant if you’ll listen to me gloating about bebe all the time 😆 – she’s AWESOME!

      Family holidays are enjoyable for me, so it’s hard for me to say I get stressed or don’t-look-forward to them. Every moment with family is a second worth cherishing.

  4. I think too that culture plays a big part… it’s hard for those who are not of the same culture to ever understand. Just like u, I love living at home coz that’s where the family-warmth is… n why else until I get married would I want to be elsewhere? I guess in Canada it’s a bit diff and living there for so long, I can understand… but it’s quite common in countries where housing is expensive. Compared to HK, u already kno that it’s cheap in Canada! U can buy a nice house for 300-400K… but here, can’t even buy a decent-sized place for < 1 Mil USD… Aiyo, how can afford?

    Of coz u hv such a nice family and that's y u dun feel like u want to move away. Actually, if any1 had the family like u do, they would understand why u love family-life so much 2! It's great to see there are still 孝順 sons like u.. not many left la, every1 just selfish n concern with themselves. Bebe can be very proud to hv a bf like u coz she doesn't need to be worried abt u mistreating her parents either!

    I kno I haven't had time to drop in much =X my fault… so busy with paperwork my time "on the computer" is staring at excel spreadsheet lor.. urgg… be back soon tho!


    • Wish I was more 孝順 sometimes… I can definitely say sometimes I do things I really shouldn’t. I can get really nasty when I begin to yell and when there’s fire in my eyes, I sometimes say or do things that are over the line… hai… One of my major downfalls is my easy-to-flare-temper that I inherit from my dad, haha. However, as fast as the flames rise the flames are quelled as well. I remember the time when I got upset with bebe, the second she smiled and spoke in a small voice, I melted like a snowman under the sun – I just can’t stay mad for long! Whenever mom gives me this sad look, I get all wimpy and stuff. Guess I have a sweet-spot for women either way. I can definitely say I treat mom really well, but definitely not the best that I should be.

      Bebe and I both come a large family so we’ll fare fine. I rarely worry about her whether we’ll have problems integrating with each other’s family. I always extend my welcome to her and her friends to join me with whatever or that she can attend our family/friends event whenever she feels ready. Because I know such warm and easy-to-get-along with people, she won’t be feeling left-out or anything! Her friends all seem really sweet, so I don’t worry much either. Sometimes I have felt left-out when she has events with her friends that I’d really like to be there to meet them and get to know them and she doesn’t want to include me – but hopefully in time.

      Drop in whenever you have the time 😛 It isn’t mandatory or anything, haha.. I just like it when you leave me a message to let me know how you’re doing! We haven’t Skype’d in a while so gimme a shout sometime la.

  5. Im going to say what everyone else have not said above, but i must say ,Your are truly well-informed.I cant believe how much of this I just wasnt aware of .Thank you for publishing more information to this topic for everyone .Im truly thankful and really impressed.

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