Monthly Archives: October 2010

Brandy – Have You Ever (MV)

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right
Have you ever
Have you ever
(Have you ever)

Have you ever been in love, been in love so bad
You’d do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You’d give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you dont know what to say and you dont know where to start

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right
Have you ever (Have you ever)
Have you ever

Ooooh
Have you ever found the one you’ve dreamed of all your life
You’d do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you’ve given your heart to
Only to find that one won’t give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care

Have you ever loved somebody so much (so much) it makes you cry
(Makes you wanna break down and cry)
Have you ever needed something so bad(so, so bad) you cant sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right
(Have you ever)
Have you ever
Have you ever
(Have you ever ever ever)

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world cuz baby I can’t sleep

Have you ever loved somebody so much (so much) it makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right
Have you ever
Have you ever…

Loved somebody so much it makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night
(Just cant sleep at night)
Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right
Have you ever
Have you ever
(Have you ever ever ever)
Ooooo
Have you ever

I was thinking about bebe this morning… well that’s nothing new, but I was wiping her picture today because the frame was getting dirty from a week and a bit of me not being in the office and it was starting to collect a bit of dust on the top (very dusty environment around here). I always have problems conveying how I feel about her, because it runs so deep and there’s no words that can explain it – nor the pain she causes me I don’t even know how to express it. Nevertheless, somehow this song just popped into my head or rather, mainly the lyrics.

This song is so old and I haven’t heard it in ages, but the words in the songs resonate in my head and somehow I recall them so clearly as when this song was a chart hitter. God, looking at the title, this song was made in 1998. Now I really feel old, haha.

I miss my bebe a lot ❤ just thought the world should know!! Pray for us and that we will reunite soon and that she’ll learn to appreciate me and learn that in life, time isn’t worth waiting as every moment is precious and limited.

Ovulatory Cycle Effects on Tip Earnings by Lap Dancers

Hi Everyone,
Can’t spare the time for a big update right now, especially because I have to sleep early as a result of going to my (soon ending) week-long conference! I’m so excited about this horrid week ending, although with one more caveat, a stupid teeth-cleaning on Monday. One would like to think this is a “good thing” – but I hate the pain of going to the stupid dentist. It’s not that I dislike his profession or the guy as a person, but more of what he “does” 😆 Once Tuesday of next week hits, I’ll be home-free and I’m happy! After that, it’ll be mommy’s birthday which I’ve already reserved tickets for us at the Fallsview Casino Theatre to watch  a nice show. I wish bebe was around, I’d love to take her to something like that… you know, the more “grown up” stuff – haha.

Although this week has been tough and tomorrow is the “big day” where we’re given 9 test systems, completely unknown and we have to break into them, it will provide to be an exciting challenge. I have been very lucky to be given permission to drive the 407 (Express Toll Route) which reduces my drive time to Mississauga by about 1.25-1.5 hours.. otherwise it’d probably take 2-3 hours. Also, the company is reimbursing us for our food as well and I must say, I’ve been spoiling myself on some good food and stuff 😛 although the pain of it all is that our lunch is an uncomfortable 1-hour long only…. so we’re rushing a lot while eating, especially if it’s not the fast-food type.

I was talking to my coworker who came with me and he mentioned his wife said that he’ll realize how lucky we are with our job after enduring this. Many people do this daily, do a 1-2 hour drive (pretty typical in Ontario) to work, work a FULL day (8+ hours) and do another 1-2 drive home. The 1-2 hour drive usually consists of stopping-and-going and lots of people cutting in-and-out. Although the drive itself is long, it much more comfortable when you’re in moving traffic – but that is not the case, it is very annoying to deal with rush-hour traffic. Getting down one street in Mississauga where I can SEE the highway on-ramp is like a solid 20 mins moving one car after another trying to sneak past the traffic light before it turns red. I must admit, going to our work now seems so easy, relaxing and we learned to appreciate the fact we get great hours, great benefits, great pension, decent pay and a nice drive – many of which, Ontarians or even Canadians as a whole don’t get such comparable working conditions! You know what? My workplace treats me pretty damn right!

On the first day there, I felt so out of place. After all, most of the people there were likely to be my seniors, people with 10, heck, maybe even 20 years of industry-related experience. I felt like the “odd one out” who couldn’t say I did “X job for ___ years” and worried they may look down on me. After about a day and we began to meet fellow attendees, it was such a relief. I was not with people who considered themselves ‘better’ than me, but I was amongst professionals and friends – people who did not consider themselves superior, but were here with one objective in mind – to learn. When we had breaks and went for lunch, everyone spoke to each other as if we had known each other all along.. I was with my peers. We shared information, some stuff that I know well and they shared what they knew well. It was an excellent exchange of information – showing that no matter how little or how much experience you have in your field, you will never know everything. My fears went away.

I will say, being the first time to attend a “prestigious” conference hosted in a hotel, I felt extra spectacular. There were an absence of paper towels in the washroom as they were replaced with nice, silky-smooth towels for drying your hands. Everything, minus the door, was all automated. When I we walked past the front desk, it was, “Good morning Mr. _____” – damn, it felt good! I must say, I dressed a bit nicer than my usual work attire, although still sans suit since no one else dressed that preppy. As the conference comes to an end, I’ll miss the opportunity to exchange knowledge with the attendees and speaker, but will cherish the short 5 days we had together (as grueling as it is). I will miss the luxuries of the hotel, the “management” lifestyle (expenses paid, talking to “high-level” people, everyone driving nice cars), being provided with unlimited (non-alcoholic) drinks throughout the day and just the feeling of pure professionalism. It’s no wonder people strive to move up within their careers, not only for money, but because of the prestige!

I know period content has been very little lately, but I found AND READ this amazing article and highly encourage everyone to read it… it’s essentially talking about the “power of menstruation” or rather more specifically, the menstrual cycle. The study did a comparison of lap-dancer’s nightly income based on where they were within their menstrual cycle, showing that they made the most in their most “fertile days.” It is interesting to note that there is potential that men are more 1) protective, and 2) attracted to women who are actively fertile. Furthermore, it shows that women who use the pill or similar contraceptive ‘make less’ as compared to their “naturally menstruating” females. To be honest, bebe has never dared share with me when we went on dates whether she was on her period, LOL, but I can say there were certain dates we’ve been on where I felt “closer” to her than others… not that I can claim I was ever felt “distant” either 😀 With ex’s though, there are times when I’ve felt unusually “excited” over them, hehe.

The article is entitled Ovulatory cycle effects on tip earnings by lap dancers:
economic evidence for human estrus?

Geoffrey Miller⁎, Joshua M. Tybur, Brent D. Jordan
Department of Psychology, University of New Mexico

It is a small-print, double-column, 7-page analysis.

Also, there’s a small excerpt by PopSciBlog regarding the results of this paper…

New Study: Fertile Strippers Make More Money

Stripper Extra! Extra! Scientists at the University of New Mexico say exotic dancers earn the best tips just before ovulating.

According to a story published this month in Psychology Today, UNM psychologist Geoffery Miller and his colleagues “tapped the talent at local gentlemen’s clubs” and counted the tips they made during various phases of their menstrual cycles. Dancers who weren’t on the pill made about $70 an hour during peak fertility, versus about $35 while menstruating and $50 in between. Girls who took birth control averaged about $37 an hour with no performance peak.

The researchers attribute the fluctuations in average hourly income to behavioral and physical changes that occur during a woman’s monthly cycle: ie., the strippers were more flirtatious and sexual during the times when they were most likely to conceive. Or, you know, maybe they were bloated and cranky and didn’t feel like dancing during the other times.

My favorite part of the article has got to be this quote:

“Birth control could lead to many thousands of dollars lost every year…. If you’re a woman in any service-industry job looking to maximize your tips, Miller suggests scheduling more shifts for the phase right before ovulation: ‘It might help to know about this so that you can exploit these effects.'”

But the true moral of this story, naturally, is to use your grant money wisely. Think of all the lap dances those research dollars could buy! —Megan Miller

Notice posted in the guy's washroom stall... I wonder if they posted it for "guys like us"... the whole "sanitary napkin" thing inside the MEN'S washoom seems out-of-place, lol.

So the other day I was at a place… not going to mention where and couldn’t help but take a picture of what I saw in the back of the washroom stall. This is NOT a co-ed bathroom, strictly male so I had no idea why they’d want to alert us to “wrap & put sanitary napkin […] into the garbage” as if that would be a common occurrence 😛 But yes, for those guys and girls who don’t know… flushing sanitary napkins, a.k.a pads is NOT a good idea.

For those still interested in Tiger Woods albiet his sex scandal and fiasco, it turns out that he’s a fan of menstrual sex. Even if he wasn’t a ‘fan’ per se… at the very least he didn’t have a problem with it. Also, for those who have information on a feminine hygiene company distributing products under the name Private- Sanita, please let me know because a Malaysian girl-friend of mine asked me about it and I only had some minor knowledge about them. Hopefully someone will be able to inject some extra knowledge/background for me about this brand.

That’s all for now, gotta head to bed for one last day of this conference… and also happens to be the most challenging one! Cheers and enjoy.

Announcements

Oct 18, 2011:  It’s hard for me to update my media section because of how crappy the WordPress system is for embedding videos and such. I’ve offset to a lot of my work directly to my Youtube channel. There aren’t a lot of uploads from me, but it’s a great repository for menstrual related videos which I’ve compiled in my “Favorites” and “Playlists”. I’ve also taken the time to update my Locker Room as it has been a while since I’ve taken an accurate count of all the products that have passed by MiM’s hands and with the participation of many of my girls to get accurate reviews for my site. I recommend all my pad-loving guys n’ girls out there to check out Lunapads as a great alternative to our bodily interest and environment! 🙂

Self-Confidence: Renewal Plan

After many long conversations with friends and loved-ones yesterday, I’ve finally decided to take a new plan of action and start taking control of my life – or well, at least things that I can decide upon. Ever since high-school, I’ve had a fairly bad self-image physically of myself. Through a combination of poor diet, lack of exercise and sedentary lifestyle lead me to lose my boyish good-looks and fit body. Yes, that is right, I was a cross-country runner, track-and-field participant, sprinter, cyclist, tennis-player, basketball-player, volleyball-player the list could go on.. I was always out, never at home. So anyways, of course paired with puberty, I grew… both upwards AND sideways. I’ve told myself, that I will forbid my (future) kids from ever eating cafeteria food as that just compounded the problem. I wanted to “fit in” – not be the kid who always packed a lunch and that’s what screwed me today. Nevertheless, I went from being the guy that all the girls wanted to “hang out with after school” and “wanted to invite to the school dance” to the fat Asian kid. It was traumatizing.

Even currently, the shame and self-doubt sticks with me. I admittedly for the past years, been a person who lacked self-confidence, physically, about myself. Many older women have a thing for me, but not ones my age or younger. Ones who have their own children always want to set me up with their daughter(s). In fact, one of the ladies at work brought her 3 daughters into work when my dad was still alive and asked him to bring me in (before I worked there) so I could “get to know” her daughters. Unfortunately, all 3 of those girls were considerably older than me and things wouldn’t work out. Many of the “moms” see me as a great guy, but I see myself as this fat, ugly Asian guy. Over so many years, I’ve been used to rejection from girls because I just didn’t look good enough.

As of Saturday, October 16th 2010, I stand by myself that I need to re-evaluate my own perception. Given that so many people have such a positive view of me, both personality and those who do admire my manly and handsome look – I question myself how I can’t even get over myself. For the past while, my anguish of lack-of-self-confidence was deepened by my receding hairline and thinning hair. For the past year I’ve worried, had nightmares and cried over my changes in hair growth, a once lush-head full of hair. I’ve had enough of this shit and I’ll tell you why. The lack of self-confidence really damages me. Confidence has an aura of its own. Truth be told, I know a guy who weighs 60lbs more than me, is not even as fit as I am, is not particularly “attractive” and man, the girls he pulls in is amazing. I ask myself how.

How can a guy who doesn’t meet what most women would consider to be their “physical criteria” have such attraction? Don’t lie to yourself. The first time you saw your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/significant other, the first thing you looked at was his/her body and face… don’t even bullshit about it. My friend, he’s a confident man. He acts like he’s good looking and it WORKS. His confidence in himself and his willingness to not see a girl being “out of his league” amazes me. I’m a bit self-aware… I date girls or will chase after girls who “match” with me. I won’t go for a girl who is too low or too high in social status. I won’t go for a girl who is too unpretty or too pretty. I won’t go for a girl who is in a career where it puts my career to shame. The list could go on, but I never try to “overextend” myself is what I’m trying to get at. I know what I have to offer and of course I’d look for a girl who isn’t miles ahead of me – because I’d be setting myself to be crushed.

For the past few months as my hair began to recede, I became not only sad, but annoyed. I think for 2 weeks, I couldn’t even bare looking at myself in the mirror. Every time I looked, I’d subconsciously glance at my hair too. It’s thinning – there’s no doubt. The last time I got a hair cut, my bangs were down past my eyes. This time, my bangs were only down to my eyebrows and wasn’t as thick as last time. I’m so fucking tired of it. I will say, I respect the fact bebe likes hair – most girls do. I understand that having hair makes you appear younger and physically attractive. However, my hair loss isn’t something I desire and it’s already hard enough as it is. For her to tell me she “really wants hair on me” hurts a lot – a whole fucking lot. That’d be like me telling her you need to shave your armpits (whether that’s true or not, I don’t know.. I never bothered looking, it was just an example). People grow hair, not grow hair or lose hair, regardless of where on their body because it’s their body-at-work, not a choice. I love my hair, I do and I wouldn’t want to be without it, but I also don’t want that being held against me. I love bebe for who she is, not because of “portions” of her.

Today, I am a brand new me and I’ve already seen the effects of it. Allowing myself to let my confidence show has made my day amazing. Last night, I decided I had enoguh with dealing with my hair and all the negativity surrounding the way I looked. Yesterday, I went to Lundy’s Lane in Niagara Falls and had a make-over. I stocked my closet with some new clothes, both casual and business-suitable attire. I can flip between a “young and trendy look” to a “smart, professional, clean look” by mixing and matching. Fashion helps change a person’s appearance immensely. I woke up in the morning looking at my mushroom-hair on my head and got my hair cut short. No, it’s not quite like a buzz-cut or even anything close to a “shave” – it’s just trimmed, short and SEXY. Yes, that’s right, I called myself sexy for the first time in ages because I FELT it. I left the hair stylist with new cut, the first time ever that I’ve let someone “take full control” on my head. She did a fantastic job. I got home to change as I was scheduled to meet a bunch of friends for lunch. I finally dared to look myself in the mirror today – the style fits my head so well – doesn’t make me look like I’m losing hair and fits my face. Shit, who’s that nice guy staring back at me in the mirror? I felt charged. It has been so long since I’ve stared at the mirror in self-confidence. I feel like a new me. Today – I am not ugly, I am an attractive young man, hoping to win the hearts of girls (ok well I lied, just girl 😛 bebe… lol).

Where does confidence come from? Not from others, but yourself. I haven’t smiled in quite a while as I walked around. Shit be told, the act of feeling confident is almost as good as looking like a model. When my friends and I hit the mall afterward, I seriously swear I strutted as I walked. I had so much confidence and assurance in myself that I didn’t feel shy or self-aware. When my friends and I were trying on some clothes, I talked to some of the girls who stood around waiting to change and even the salesgirl. I glowed, I really did. I didn’t feel as if I wasn’t “good enough” to speak to them, her and I were just the same -a human being, no judgments. There were maybe some exchanges of implied compliments and it was nice. It was nice not to feel ugly and whether I am or not – that wasn’t the point, my appearance and aura of self-confidence was enough to make a girl smile. I suddenly realized how my friend gets the girls… just not worrying about oneself is golden, because a girl can tell apart of a man with confidence from one who does not. As unattractive physically as a man with confidence may be, it’s not any better for an attractive man with no confidence.

I am truly happy today because after a very engaging talking with family and friends, I decided I need to change my approach to myself. I am a good guy, I’m a guy deserving of a sweet girl, I’m professional, I’m handsome, I’m intelligent and I’m interesting. I need to drop my “I’m not good enough”attitude because I actually am good enough. I’m a respectful human being and I should treat myself and others as such. I am not any “better” nor any “worse” than the next guy. I am born with a “normal” body, I have all 5-sense intact, I am healthy and I have a mind which can think and a heart which can love. I am in fact, luckier than many individuals on the face of the planet who have been unfortunately deprived of these things. I am a fortunate person and I should take advantage of the fact I am blessed with this. I need to learn to be satisfied, but at the same time, strive to do better. I am now full-out concentrated on improving my self-image, confidence and continue chasing after bebe. She’s no longer going to set me back by saying she wants a guy with hair, because I’m going to make a stand. She can’t just make it the center-of-attention in our relationship – I need to make it clear to her I care about her for who she is and she really needs to get over these physical things which we can’t control. One day, she will lose figure, her beautiful body won’t be there, her hair will turn white, but guess what? I WILL STILL, love her the same way I do now, if not only stronger. I guess some people saw me as being a bit weak, that I let too many things that bebe “wants” affecting me and hurting my self-image and confidence. Today I’m rising to say that despite what she “wants” or “desires” I’m going to display myself as an upstanding and handsome individual deserving of her love – because I will return the same to her.

I’m going to wake up tomorrow, refreshed, happy, satisfied and strong. It’s going to be a long week as I’m involved in an intensive 5-day course out in Mississauga. It’s 9 hours every day, just session time, and about 1 1/2 hours of driving each way (due to traffic). It has been almost 2 months since she’s left and there’s still 4 more to go. However, I will wait for her because my heart tells me she’s the right girl. There are some things and some people who are worth fighting and waiting for – and she’s one of them. They’ll be lots of competition and lots of courting to happen. I need to reassure her I am good enough for her and that she can feel secure with me. There’s probably a lot of doubt in her mind about whether we will truly get along in a relationship and what the course of her life is and whether she’s doing the right/wrong thing by committing herself to me. I need her to know that just because she may not date other guys or have been in relationships before, that doesn’t mean she’s “missed out” but rather, won the lottery on the first try and that she doesn’t have to go through the pains of a long-term relationship break-up! I want her to know I’m prepared to be a part of her family and friends and that I will represent “us” in good nature.

I stand strong. I cannot allow others to damage my confidence and belief in myself. I am a capable person. I need to allow my image to change and reflect the person who I really am. I need to accept and appreciate positive comments from others. I need to believe their words more than I believe mine. If a girl says I am good looking, I will smile, thank her, and believe in it – not doubt her or think that she’s saying it with an ulterior motive or sarcasm. When someone says “you are a nice guy” to me, I will think, “Hey ya, I’m a pretty nice guy.” I need to STOP with this lack of self-confidence. The only way to make others believe in me is to believe in myself first and foremost. To allow a girl to feel secure with me, I have to be secure of myself. To show I’m not a wussy and that I am a MAN, I do need to not allow bebe’s words harm my image of myself just because I don’t have a full-set of hair. I asked many of my married friends, what if today, your husband or wife changed in appearance, what would you do? All of them without a thought said it’d make no difference. This is what I want bebe to see… me, not of the outer shell, but the inner-heart. This is also what I see of her… not the outer shell, but the inner beauty. It’s unfair for me to compare to her to others because every person has their strengths and weaknesses, where they glow and where they fall short. I think any girl I’ve been with will have a very tough time matching the same physical beauty as my ex-ex “L”… she is the most physically attractive girl I’ve ever truly known (celebrities don’t count, I don’t “know” them). I used to use L as my standard for girls. Every girl henceforth needs to at least be as hot/cute as L, otherwise they’re not worth my time. Suffice to say, you cannot take one girl and compare it to another, it’s just not damn fair. Suffice to say, just because one day when bebe compares me to another husband/boyfriend of one of her friends who may be more attractive or has more hair than me, doesn’t make me any worse of a person! When people ask me what bebe look like, I tell them that she is an extremely beautiful woman because that’s what she is to me. I do not say, “Oh, compared to ____ she’s not as ____” There’s no need to compare and yes, the grass will always be greener on the other side. Be satisfied and you will achieve happiness.

Shit, I gotta get sleeping now so I can meet my coworkers at the car-pool. Blog updates might be a bit sketchy for the week. Will bid you all a good night 🙂 Confidence > ALL!

Looks like I might spend some extra time in the mirror tomorrow smiling and saying, “Ohhhhh ya, just like the old days – handsome me!”

Is It Wrong to Date Someone Who Likes You More Than You Like Him?

So of course when I saw this article pop up on MSN after logging out of my Hotmail, I could not help but want to read it and see what it’s all about…:

By Maura Kelly

Is It Wrong to Date Someone Who Likes You More Than You Like Him?

Blogger ponders the ethics of the great love divide

A certain romantic conundrum has been on my brain for a while:

Isn’t it unethical — or at least kind of mean … or at least a little deceptive — to date a guy if I can tell he likes me more than I like him?

At least one of my friends thinks it is. If I ever say anything like, “Yes, that dude I met through OkCupid is pretty cool, and he seems to totally dig me, but I’m not sure I see it lasting any longer than three months, if that,” my friend will come back with, “It’s not fair of you to string him along! You should either break it off or let him know that you might feel less serious than he does.”

And because I think my friend is mostly right — and because that is CERTAINLY the kind of advice I give him when the roles are reversed — I usually do break it off.

But lately, because I’ve been thinking seriously about my problems with commitment-phobia, I’ve started to wonder if my “ethical stance” about not dating anyone who likes me more than I like him is actually coterminous with my fear of getting into a serious relationship.

If you’re wondering what the hell I mean by that, allow me to show my work, as my algebra teacher might have said: It’s more likely I could get into a serious relationship with a guy who actually likes me — and the idea of being in a serious relationship is scary to me. And my “fear of intimacy” gets sublimated into a lack of attraction to the guy who actually likes me. So voilà! I remain free to get hung up on “douchebags” (by definition, dudes who are less into me than I am into them, naturally). And so I remain single. And I remain FREE.

And even though I say I’d love to be in a healthy relationship … the truth is, the idea of uniting my life with another person’s kinda freaks me out for a million reasons. Which maybe I’ll get into tomorrow.

But for now, let me get back to my original question. Tell me, folks: Do you think it is, in fact, unethical — or at least kind of mean — to date a person if you can tell he or she is more into you than you are into him?

Or do you think there is always going to be some kind of imbalance — and that the only way any romantic relationship ever evolves is if both people deal with the fact that one person likes the other more, at first, but they’re both willing to move forward to see if things even out?

Do you think there should be a gender exception when it comes to this issue? Like, is it okay for one person to like the other more only if that person is a man — since, according to conventional (or at least old-fashioned) wisdom, men are supposed to be the pursuers?

Or do you simply think that when a relationship is meant to be, it’s meant to be, and there’s no sense of disparity?

Given that bebe has expressed to me before that she’s afraid of being committed in this relationship because she feels she might lose her freedom, make herself vulnerable (emotionally) and that she has yet to know where she’s going to permanently locate herself, she finds it hard to overly commit herself… however, I also think that she may even have this said ‘fear of intimacy’ that the author writes about. Of course I’m not bebe and I can’t say for sure or maybe she doesn’t even understand/recognize her own feelings/thoughts yet – but hey, either way I’m still pursuing her!

I really enjoyed reading this because it highlights the encompassing idea that two people must always equally like each other and I think that’s almost shockingly non-existent… how do partners achieve equality? Almost in any relationship, I can see that there will always be one of the partners who loves the other more. Does this mean that a relationship cannot be successful? Absolutely not! In fact, that’s the reason why courting, dating, wooing, etc. all exist – to solidify the opposite individuals feelings and emotions for yourself. If two people were automatically “in love” with each other like we love to believe in fairy-tales, then there would be no courting process, no need for one of the individuals to want to make the other feel good, confident and of worth!

Bebe has told me of her guilt before in dragging me on and continuing to try to make things work by holding on to me, even though she doesn’t quite feel for me. She says it’s unfair to me, but the reality is, there’s more unfairness to trying to giving in and ignore than truly taking the time to analyze possibilities while in a relationship. It always hurts me more in any relationship to end prematurely rather than seeing what could have been. Yes, there will always be a potential for a negative ending but yet, why not think that pushing forth may result in a positive ending – an ending of happiness and fulfillment? Attraction is a funky thing and i know over the years and perhaps, lol, even months… my definition of attraction and the type, physically and personality-wise, of girl I would normally be or not be interested in. Suffice to say, when bebe and I first met, there was some getting used to for me in regards to coming to terms with things I’m simply not used to and not a matter of me not being able to accept certain things/matters/features.

I’m not only a believer that there will always be imbalance in a relationship, but would even dare want to be the one who loves bebe more than she loves me. I don’t have a problem with that. Some may say that’s a blind and foolish thing to do – but then you could argue, so are all the crazy people who get married and have kids! Oh-the-nightmare-of-it-all. People do things for a special someone because it makes them feel good. When I do something for bebe, I don’t analyze what I get out of it. When I give bebe something, I don’t have an expectation of getting something back but rather, is a fulfilling feeling on its own. Perhaps, getting something in return may make me feel additionally well about myself, nevertheless, even the act of doing something for a loved-one is a joyous moment itself.

I see many successful relationships nowadays which all started from something that was “forced”… for instance, many older relationships, women were pretty much forced into marriage or perhaps simply chose their husband out of not wanting to be single/out of wedlock or have a dependency. Many of these “fake loves” grow into “real love”… and although as cruel as that may sound, how could one deny everlasting happiness? I don’t keep tallies and nor do I care about trying to compare how much I’ve done for bebe versus how much she’s done for me because there is no score on love or for someone you care about. How can someone “quantify” the amount of love they have given? Is it tangible, can I hold it? Every time I hear a girl use the word “feel” to describe their willingness or unwillingness towards a guy, I think the Heavens should punish them by removing a tooth our of their mouth. If chemistry and “feel” exists… then so does fate. The concept of “feel” is retarded because there are justifiable and descriptive things that relate to whether we have “feel” or not to one another.

I read many of the comments following this article and was surprized to see how most people as they mature and become older, recognize the realities of life that cupid just doesn’t fly by, shoot and arrow and we all instantly fall in love. Relationships prosper under effort, commitment, loyalty and willingness to endure hardships. No amount of “chemistry” helps you resolve problems. “Feel” does not pay the bills when a partner loses a job or becomes chronically ill. Chemistry does not justify bringing a newborn child into existence. Feel is not the binding glue of aged couples walking happily down the street in canes and walkers. How we truly learn to love is by overlooking the things we want or expect, but rather, what is necessary for two people to enjoy a lifetime of happiness together.

I really think people should revisit the above article every time they think about whether a guy is right for them a not, just based on their own lack of attraction and truly consider some other qualities about the guy who do shine forth. I cannot imagine that any couple out there when they got together satisfies each others wants/needs 100% – but what DOES matter is that these two people through their love and commitment for each other enables them to stay together. Love has no disparity, only ignorance.

How To Use a Pad and Tampon (Youtube Videos)

Ok so for a while, I haven’t posted much period-related things. I did however, find about a month ago (ya, that’s how long it takes me to recall to post something) a couple of videos I found on Youtube by jdomakeup on some great information for girls and guys on how to use pads and tampons. I thought it was wonderful because there’s some good use of anatomical reference (she used the word vagina instead of some stupid alternative) and gave a good overview on how to effectively apply a pad or insert a tampon. To be honest, there’s not really too many informative videos out there like hers, usually they include girls doing stupid things like slapping pads on their foreheads or giggling while they demonstrate a tampon insertion into a bear.

I can understand that particularly for younger girls, talking about their periods and feminine hygiene isn’t the most comfortable of subjects, but it’s equally bad to see girls doing it and giggling like little schools girls. If you’re going to make an educational video about something, then let it at least be semi-professional. There were some things said in this video that I disagree with, but the video is pretty successful at communicating the basics of pads and tampons. I say disagree instead of wrong, only because it would be one opinion versus another – which everyone is entitled to. The big thing about this which appealed to me, or maybe I shouldn’t say appeal… but rather, impressed with is this is an Asian girl speaking about this. It’s not a matter of me acting as if Asian girls aren’t allowed to talk about their periods, but if you’ve followed my blog, you’ll know that menstruation particular to Asian culture is a extremely taboo thing and suffice to say, it is not spoken of, let alone broadcast on Youtube. I’m too shy to show my face on webcam, otherwise, I’d absolutely love to do something like this on tampons, pads and alterantive products as well! Perhaps one day when I can poke one of my sis’ or girl-friends to be the on-cam face and spokesperson, then I’ll write up a script and provide all the stuff for a demo, haha.

The reason why I singled out this author and her videos out of so many others, is that it’s truly practical information, that your “average girl” or “curious boy” would find of use. While maintaining a decent sense of humour, it doesn’t remove her creditability of the information. When there is too much laughing, you just can’t expect people to take your seriously – yet she is laid back and well composed. Furthermore, she takes care in thinking about the viewers and helping people understand the concept of usage by demonstrating the pad placement and wings usage on an actual pair of panties which gives a visual cue.

What always wins the most points with me is that a woman who’s comfortable with discussing her own body. In the videos, she does go into a bit of detail about when she started her period, how long she’s had it for, some of her opinions and reflections on anecdotal experiences. I think it’s particularly important for viewers to feel the connection to the broadcaster before they can immerse themselves into what he/she says. I definitely don’t want to go into dissecting each portion of the video which I disagree with (hell, there’s probably stuff on my blog that’s incorrect too), because really, this is a superb video with all-the-best-intentions. For guys who have read some of my previous guides on pads and tampons and still don’t understand the concept, the video will really help you out and the light-bulb will flash over your head!

A small portion of the video also goes over pantiliners, although not as in-depth as pads and tampons since those are the foundations of most feminine hygiene products out there. In the video, she uses Always Super Maxi Pads with Flexi Wings, Kotex Lightdays Pantiliner and Playtex Sports Regular Tampon. I actually haven’t seen a Kotex pantiliner in a while, ever since most of my girls either stopped using them or switched to Always. I try to ween most my girls off them because in all reality, I would assume most girls wash their panties anyways, so even if you get some gunk in them, it’ll come out in the wash! Now blood withstanding, a bit of arousal fluid and vaginal discharge won’t even be noticeable after the laundry is done. And even in the worst case scenario, there’d be a very limited number of people who would ever see those panties anyways!

Anyways, I’ll leave everyone with these 3 videos which I encourage you to watch, even if you already know how to use a pad and/or tampon! There’s just something awesome about an Asian girl talking about pads and tampons 😛 WOOT for her!

Absent? No. Just busy!

Hiho Everyone,

Hope people don’t think I’m dead or something… no, I’m still alive. Work has been busy lately and it has been exhausting. My blog is just a fun way for me to relax and to share myself with the world and so I don’t treat it like a job where I feel obligated to update it all the time. I haven’t ran out of period-topics yet, trust me, I have a huge list of it on my “to-talk-about” scratchpad. I still see a great influx of unique visitors every day and I’m happy about it and hope there’ll be more contributions and visitors to come. I want to keep this blog exciting and on-topic of course – although everyone has those busy-times in their life and this is one of them for me!

Over the summer, I get reduced working hours and it tends to be lazy. However, whenever September starts and the school-year rolls in, sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode. On the good news about that is this year, my contract for my project manager position has been extended and they’re trying to make it a permanent position (rather than a temporary, where is can be terminated any time past the contract dates). As of September this year, our pay has gone up as a result of negotiated contracts… it’s not much, but in an economy like this and where many other sectors are freezing wages, let alone increase them, I consider myself lucky (or well to even be employed for that matter). As of October 1st, it has been one full year that my “new” job has been effective and I earned yet another jump in the pay-grid. It’s not really a lot of money after taxes and such, probably around an extra $4,000 or so combined.

Suffice to say, this new position comes without the manual labour of being in the field, but is still strenuous on the brain (not that I claim to be smart) and is a lot of politics-balancing game – you want to keep everyone happy while maintaining control. I definitely don’t want to revert to my old position because it’s way too much labour-intensive work and being in the office has its advantages (and disadvantages), along with the money that comes with an upgraded position. Hopefully it’ll go permanent soon so I can feel secure, although I still hold my prior permanent position – much more secure than most private-sector job shifts. I’ve been handling a lot of projects lately and it isn’t just a matter of “lots” but more of “all at the same time” and I swear this is probably what’s going to prevent me from getting Alzheimer’s given how much I have to keep my brain active and trying not to forget stuff. I will admit, even with the aid of my iPhone calendar, written notes and such – I still have managed to pull off some near-misses and forget an appointment/meeting. What I need is a secretary… haha, but that’s only something the manager gets!

All this work has not been without its reward… other than the money. The smiling faces I get to see and the plethora of “thank yous” really brightens up the day. For those who work in any service-related industry, you’ll definitely know that being appreciated is one thing that never ceases to make a bad day good. When I go home each day, as tired as I may be, I feel a sense of accomplishment… something I haven’t felt in a while because most of the work I’ve done during our downtime has been less-than-a-challenge and I’m one of those people who need to “do something grand” to feel as if I’m going somewhere in my life. I won’t lie that money is still an important thing to me, but if I’m going to earn money anyways while doing my job – I would certainly like the recognition, prestige and fulfillment to come with it. I’ll admit any moment that compared to many private-sector workers, we really have it easy here. I remember sitting there and talking to one of the accountants at our organization and she told me that I should really be recommending government jobs to my girlfriend (that’s what they refer to bebe as… oh well, easier on the mouth than referring to her by something else) because she really regrets not going government sooner in her life, wasting many of it out in the private sector. I don’t disagree that private sector is really “where the money is at” most of the time, but I guess it also depends on how far you really want to climb, whether you have the inhibitions to do it and what kind of lifestyle you really want. Government jobs are potentially the greatest “family-friendly” jobs ever – you don’t have to give up your life just to earn your next pay. I’m always on the look-out anyways for bebe, so when she comes back to job-hunt again, I will certainly check with my accounting friends in the government and see what they can scrounge up. Luckily, we have a CRA building right in the city we live in, which may be a great match for bebe’s line-of-work.

What surprized me over the past 2 weeks the most was that my boss has really been polishing me up. The other day I only casually mentioned about wanting one of those new rolling-laptop bags because I “though they were cool” and then the next day when I opened my office door in the morning (my eyes still half closed), I found a $120 rolling laptop bag sitting on my desk. This past Friday, I needed a memory stick to do a transfer of a large project I was working on and he asked me to follow him to the storage cabinet. Other than handing me a memory key which he said I could keep, he also gave me a gift for “all the hard work I’ve put in lately” a 2-TB Network Storage Device. This was a true professional-series file server and I was just thinking about what the hell I’m going to do with it, so I decided this weekend’s project would be to set it up so that every computer in my house (and that’s lots of it) – will backup to this device on a regular basis. For those who have ever had their computer crash and lost data, they’ll know how much having a proper backup means! While I was doing the setup on the device, I decided to hop online to check the price…. the “gift” he gave me is worth $499.99! Well you know what? Even though my job doesn’t pay much comparatively and in an industry where we are not eligible for bonuses or anything (since we don’t generate revenue per se), he definitely knows how to find other ways of giving us bonuses, even if it’s not in a cash-form. I had a second thought is that had I not unpacked it and begun using it, I probably could’ve sold it for $400… but sometimes it’s nice to keep things around that people give you – call it a… sentimental value.

This is an interesting thing I heard on the radio… looked it up and wanted to repost a written article:

SLEEP LESS…AND LIVE LONGER

Story Image

Saturday October 2,2010

By Jo Willey

WOMEN who get between five and six-and-a-half hours sleep a night could live longer, research claims.

Less than five hours a night is probably not enough and eight hours is probably too much, insist experts.

A team, led by Professor Daniel Kripke, revisited his research carried out between 1995 and 1999 at the University of California, San Diego.

That earlier study, part of the Women’s Health Initiative, monitored 459 women aged between 50 and 81 to determine if sleep duration can be linked to mortality.

Of the original participants, 444 were located and evaluated. Eighty-six of those had died. Prof Kripke, whose findings are published in Sleep Medicine journal, said: “Women who slept less than five hours a night or more than 6.5 hours were less likely to be alive at the 14-year follow-up.”

He added that the study should calm fears about people not getting enough sleep.

I have to shamefully admit that I used to question bebe about her sleeping habits… I mean, I know university life is hard and all, but she used to sleep some awkward hours… either working late into the night and then waking up in the afternoon and to me, that was a bit weird. Even when I attend post-secondary, I never had such awkward sleeping patterns, but hey, to each their own. However, what worried me the most wasn’t about the weird patterns she slept, but I was worried about her health by not getting enough good rest. I can say surely that it was a concern for her well-being and health, not because I minded the fact she slept at odd hours. Guess I have to admit now that she is right and I am wrong. According to the article, as long as she gets 5-6 hours of restful sleep, then her body will function great!

But anyways… I feel guilty as of last night. I know in my heart I’m dedicated and loyal to bebe. I don’t know what happened last night, but for once in a long-long-long time.. I had a dream about a girl, but the girl wasn’t bebe. I’m not used to dreaming about any other girl other than her and hell, I don’t even have feelings for the girl who was in the dream, so that’s not an issue about my mind telling me something. Such a weird thing… and yes, I know sometimes dreams are absolutely insignificant but I feel guilty. I don’t like OR want my dreams to contain girls in it other than bebe, because I am 100% hers! I should be thinking about her when I’m eating, at work and even sleeping and of no other girl. I’m of course totally exaggerating this over the case of a single night’s dream, but it definitely felt awkward. I mean a few years ago, I would’ve loved nothing more but have random dreams of beautiful women – but now, it almost seems like I’ve lost the inhibition for all other women. It’s not that I’m turning gay or dislike sweet-talking girls, but it just isn’t the same magnetic and pounding feeling I have on other girls compared to bebe. I can’t understand why I felt so sad over it… It’s almost like I cheated on her or something 😆 even when I haven’t even done anything… 😛 I get way too worked up about this stuff, haha.

Speaking of sleep.. I’m going to sleep night – so nighty night!

P.S just the other day, I noticed that MiM already has 100,000 unique page hits! OMG… and not even a year old – so thanks to all my visitors for making this place a success!

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