Brandy – Have You Ever (MV)

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right
Have you ever
Have you ever
(Have you ever)

Have you ever been in love, been in love so bad
You’d do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You’d give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you dont know what to say and you dont know where to start

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right
Have you ever (Have you ever)
Have you ever

Have you ever found the one you’ve dreamed of all your life
You’d do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you’ve given your heart to
Only to find that one won’t give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care

Have you ever loved somebody so much (so much) it makes you cry
(Makes you wanna break down and cry)
Have you ever needed something so bad(so, so bad) you cant sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right
(Have you ever)
Have you ever
Have you ever
(Have you ever ever ever)

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world cuz baby I can’t sleep

Have you ever loved somebody so much (so much) it makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right
Have you ever
Have you ever…

Loved somebody so much it makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night
(Just cant sleep at night)
Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right
Have you ever
Have you ever
(Have you ever ever ever)
Have you ever

I was thinking about bebe this morning… well that’s nothing new, but I was wiping her picture today because the frame was getting dirty from a week and a bit of me not being in the office and it was starting to collect a bit of dust on the top (very dusty environment around here). I always have problems conveying how I feel about her, because it runs so deep and there’s no words that can explain it – nor the pain she causes me I don’t even know how to express it. Nevertheless, somehow this song just popped into my head or rather, mainly the lyrics.

This song is so old and I haven’t heard it in ages, but the words in the songs resonate in my head and somehow I recall them so clearly as when this song was a chart hitter. God, looking at the title, this song was made in 1998. Now I really feel old, haha.

I miss my bebe a lot ❤ just thought the world should know!! Pray for us and that we will reunite soon and that she’ll learn to appreciate me and learn that in life, time isn’t worth waiting as every moment is precious and limited.

About Prexus Swyftwynd

Probably not a good idea for you to know anything about me....

Posted on October 27, 2010, in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. I love this song, it always makes me emotional listening to it!

    • Haha ya… honestly, I think old songs are really where the emotions/feelings/meaningfulness is at… all these new songs nowadays is just swearing and stupidity. I love it 😀

      Maybe you’ll run into bebe in Malaysia, haha… make sure you let her know what a lucky girl she is 😆 !!!!

  2. You truly remind me of a Roy Croft quote..

    “I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.”

    You have a very lucky girlfriend, because you believe that she is the one that makes up the person you are as a result of her existence! Even many couples who have years of “love experience” behind them don’t see this enlightenment, but yet you see this within yourself and that’s something your girlfriend should be proud of and cherish with all her heart!

  3. What is the most annoying habit that your girlfriend has?

    • Probably the “avoiding/secretive/hiding” factor to me… when we first started out, we used to talk EVERYWHERE…. and slowly, she avoids me on certain chat formats now. I used to be able to see her on Facebook chat and we’d talk there and it was so nice to have the liberty of talking to her through there even when she isn’t on MSN. Now with the new Facebook features, she can selectively deselect me. I hate Facebook changes for that, I was so pissed off at them for implementing that I was truly hoping the Facebook author would die horrifically. Of course I could not solely blame Facebook for that, I mean she herself chooses to evade me on Facebook. Sometimes she’ll even hide on me on MSN, but that’s a whole other story and MSN is similarly shitty in the sense that it transmits a lot of information that can be interpreted in various ways. You can extrapolate information and make “inferences” from it… but that’s probably too much technical information, hehe.

      Luckily, being as shitty as Facebook is, there used to be ways to sneak past their security and reveal whether a person is online anyways even if they have you ‘turned off’. A security patched fixed that and I spent lots of time creating my own code and messing around with their shit to make it happen again. It’s a good thing Facebook utilizes Javascript so heavily and with the weak security, you can do a “mini hack”on Facebook or whatever you want to call it and fool them into letting you see more information than what’s available – such as whether someone is online even if they’ve blocked you from seeing them in chat. At some point, they had such a terrible flaw where you could actually exploit it and READ someone’s chat conversations with another person, lol. Of course they fixed that pretty quick but it was amusing. As much as Facebook tries to “cover up” all their security issues, there’s a Chinese proverb equating to the fact that if someone goes up one feet, another person will go up a meter. They’ll put in more and more security and people will find more and more ingenious ways to break them.

      I never truly became interested in this stuff until it happened to me. I could never figure out why people would be so interested in knowing if someone is offline/online and as I read a lot of the articles, a lot of the motivation that people have to create code and programs which allow you to see someone’s status is because they’re often in same situations like me where their boyfriend/girlfriend is ignoring them over a messenger program. To the contrary, bebe is one of the FEW people I let her see me on messenging programs, Facebook, MSN, or any type of IM, whether on computer or phone… even when I don’t let others see me. For her, I am one of the few that she DOESN’T want me to see her and talk to her through those methods and thus, my interest in trying to “see more than what these programs allow” was from the point she started going all evasive on me. I never used to “look for more” when she used to let me see everything and talk to her openly… and so all this is working against her… the more she wants to hide from me, the more I will invest time into digging.

      The more she used to reveal to me, the LESS likely and less care I’d have in what her activities are. Let’s equate this to general world principle. If I put something on the table, most people will not care and walk by it. If I put something on the table, but it is padlocked and has DO NOT TOUCH written all over it, the more curious people are going to be about the contents of the box. It’s a simple, but effective analogy. I had much less stress and also commit a lot less time in fucking with these systems when bebe used to tell me and reveal everything to me. Ever since the day she decided it was “right” to block me from things, that’s when I became motivated (just like many of these programmers and such) to seek out other methods of acquiring the same information that could just be provided with ease and without consequential loss to them.

      Bebe is slowly becoming more accepting of me and also her comfort level is rising… hopefully at some point, we will trust each other enough to be “open” through all levels of communication again. As a loving partner, boyfriend or whatever status she wants to consider me as, she should NOT be doing things like this to me, ask around, how many people block their “special half” from seeing them? It’s highly suspicious and makes you want to delve even more. Likewise, I should NOT have to do these things and spend so much time finding out what she is up to or having to go to the trouble to “uninvisible” what she does to me. This is an equity piece for BOTH sides.. neither of us is right. I’m not claiming my actions are right to watch her so closely and neither is she right to be so secretive about things and ACTIVELY avoid me. In time, once those barriers break down, I never need to do any research or dedicate any time to doing these things. I’m not happy mind you that I have to do this, but this goes back to the analogy of the “more you hide, the more I want to know” kind of deal. I can’t wait for the day I can delete all these things are we can “return to normal” where we have trust and enjoy conversing/communicating with each other where she doesn’t have to do mean things like that… and I take NO pleasure from having to come up with devious methods like this – trust me… no happiness at all!

      Hrm… and I suppose other than the whole “hiding on me” thing – she still can’t give a concrete reason as to her “discomfort” with me… it’s all talking-around-in-circles. I’ve told her I’d change for her, whether it be the way I look, my menstruation interests or what-have-you.. but apparently those two are not her problem with me. There’s some weird mistrust she has in me that for some reasons, I’m not sure WHY it exists. I’ve given her all the reasons to trust me and I can’t really pinpoint a time where I lied to her or somehow made her feel as if she needs to feel I have “bad plans” for her. I love her very much and I want to give her the sun and the moon if I could… and she can never give me a solid reason as to what is holding her from falling for me. I hate it so much, because by not knowing, I have no way of “helping” her see past it. Nevertheless, we’re making strides now and that’s why I don’t push her hard now, because by giving her the comfort to move at her own pace, we can achieve a lot more. I want her to love me for who I am, for the strengths and for my weaknesses, just as I love her for who she is… whether I have to put up with these obstacles and annoyances, LOL… it’ll all pay off in the end and both of us will look back and say, “Damn, how could we treat each other like that?” haha.. 😛

      Now that bebe seems to be using MSN normally and not purposefully avoiding me… I may just go back to the way things were… hopefully once we open up all methods of communication back to the way when we first met and made ourselves “available” all the time, then I can just abolish any of these silly things I have to do… 🙂

      • If she put herself in ur shoes, then she will understand how hurtful it is for her to do it. I’m all for keeping relationship status a secret or maybe just being discrete abt it, but to block u from being able to see/talk/know she is online is just unfounding. Especially when u r her ‘special sm1′ that shld not be the case… how does that encourage u to be truthful n’ honest with her when she is evasive like tht? Esp for bebe, if she’s doing job hunts or wtevr, then the company tht’s hiring her rly doesn’t need to kno tht u two r dating, so tht’s understandable…

        Also, u can read…

        U will c tht when she hides things from u, it is very natural for u to feel suspicious or tht she is coming a “form” of cheating. Although she does not admit u two r in a relationship together, u two r still in the “dating” stage so there shld still be a degree of ‘attachment’ to each other. Altho not committed, u two r not really ‘up for grabs’ nemore. Juz like u will not go looking for other girls, she shld not b considering other guys. I know it’s very common in Canadian society to “continually search” whether in a relationship or nt n’ thts juz wrong… tht is why relationships fail and marraiges fail coz ppl get too into the idea of alwayz looking for smthg better, when right in front of u, u hv already found ‘the one’…

        I c both sides of ur story, she is not right to block u n’ purposefully give access to others to herself while preventing u from her online presence. I wuld nvr imagine any boyfriend/girlfriend or “special person” from being able to c each other.. the whole point is commitment n the fact u get ‘advantages’ over others. If she lets her best friends c her online, u SHOULD b part of tht allowance too. Likewise, the only legitimate thing is if she wuld hide her online status to EVERYONE since nt evry1 likes to use FB chat. If she’s selectively singling u out, then that’s just fk’ed. I c y u wuld be angry n’ hack MSN/fb juz so u can c her online status. But if u c her online, u still cannot talk to her rite? At least u kno when she is there n’ hiding on u tho so I think tht mks u more comfortable.

        Nevertheless, I wish u two well since she needs to get rid of such a poor habit. She cannot complain abt her ‘discomfort’ with u when she is the one causing it n’ doing things like this to FORM mistrust n’ disloyalty… how can she even dare tell u she’s nt comfortable w/ u when she mks actions like this? I think she needs to gim tou her own actions b4 giving excuses like she can’t ‘feel’ for u. It’s all girl-BS from the sounds of it… however, I kno u r willing to do wt it takes for her and ur success will b living proof tht persistence n’ love can mk any ‘unlikely’ couple the best n’ luckiest couple in the world!

        • For Facebook chat, I haven’t found a practical way where I can force a message onto her window even if she’s invisible. There IS a way, but it takes a lot of work and I don’t want to go that route. I’d just prefer if she had things the way it used to be, where we could see each other and talk to each other over it. I’d have to go pretty far and expend a lot of time if I wanted to break FB chat enough where I can “spawn” open a chat window to her even if I’m not part of her visible list… in MSN, if she’s on OFFLINE MODE, I can still send her messages, but if she has me blocked, I cannot, but at least I can still see when she’s online. I’m ok with bebe hiding on offline mode though, at least I know messages I send her still gets to her, even if she does not respond right away. Sometimes she’s watching videos and stuff, so I understand about not wanting to be disturbed. I’d be pissed off though if she hid on O/L mode, would not answer me but still continues to talk to her friends. I just want to be able to stop doing any of this, because it feels so wrong… not sure why she doesn’t feel it is weird that she has to do this to me as well. Almost seems disrespectful, but hey, we’re all entitled to what we do 😛

          Yes yes, you girls have more BS stored in your brain than I have of sperm, LOL. It’s like you open your bag of excuses and see which one you pull out today to use it, hahaha 😆 Although I complain a lot, the other day bebe and I were talking and she really calmed me down. She explained to me how she perceived things, how that she felt she was becoming more comfortable and that she is trying hard to accept me. I felt really touched and it has been a while since I’ve been so dazed by her words. She is such a wonderful girl and as you can see, I’m not even close to giving up on her yet since I haven’t thought about plan X yet, lol. The only time I ever think about that is if she looks like she’s going to fall apart on me, then things take into effect 😛 Deep down, I don’t plan on doing a Plan X because we’re never going to need it 😀

          The thing about us chatting through an analogy of what she does by blocking me is… it should be like a phone. You leave your phone plugged in all the time and if people call while you’re busy, you simply don’t pick up or you answer and say, “Sorry, I’m a bit busy right now, can you call back later?” It means you are at least keeping open communication and simply declining to talk at the moment. That is cool. The opposite way would be to just rip all the phones off the wires in the house to prevent someone from calling you. Right now, bebe’s doing a better job of handling this and she’s opting for the first. In fact, when she’s online, I don’t always message her and give her time for her friends/for herself. Just because she comes online doesn’t mean I need to talk to her every time. I think that’s why I try to convey to her… I’m not going to bother her EVERY time I see her online, although she may think if she goes online she risks me bugging her. Likewise, she could tell me she’s busy even if she’s online and I’d be good with that, at least I know of her ‘presence’ versus her hiding on me and that she’s not being evasive. I like it now that she’s “revealing” her presence to me a bit more, making me more comfortable and less likely to go through devious ways of finding out whether she’s online or not – it really is a waste of time when I have to do that. For the past week that we’ve really connected and she’s beginning to enjoy my company, I’ve found myself snooping MUCH less and feel much more SECURE about each other. It’s only times she makes me feel insecure or blatantly ignoring me do I go about doing it.

          I’m also very happy she’s updating me and letting me know her plans. I think I’ve told her before that I’m not asking her to report to me, just to inform me so that I’m “aware” – being aware of your partner’s whereabouts is a mannerly thing to do, has nothing to do with spying on each other or something – it’s about being accountable for one’s actions. We’re making headway and bebe is truly putting a lot of effort lately into opening herself up to me. I can see the ice slowly melting and I don’t want it to freeze back up again. As we give each other more reasons to trust each other, we can get rid of all that mistrust in between, all the ‘not-so-nice’ things we do to each other and to effectively communicate our feelings. At the start of our relationship, it was our core commitment to talk about how we feel, to compromise on things and to help each other overcome obstacles. It’s slowly happening now, I’m happy!

          Only thing she really needs to learn more about me now is my jokingness and sometimes I just say things for the sake of saying things. Sometimes she gets annoyed with me when I’m just joking around or trying to make conversation. See, she doesn’t always “continue” conversations, so I try to by leading off into other directions or reiterating something. The previous night we talked, at the end she started to get annoyed with me but all I was trying to do was extend the conversation. I’m not sure whether she was just getting tired and cranky or whether she doesn’t understand most of the time I’m just poking at her and not being serious. Anyways, we just need more time to understand each other’s tones and chatting attitudes, then things will make more sense. From our dates together, her body language is truly showing her comfort level is increasing and I’d like to keep it like that!

  4. Have you ever peed in the shower?

    • Probably… I don’t actively think about it, it just happens. I mean I wouldn’t purposely step IN the shower just to pee, but if I didn’t go before and I had to, I would. I’d make sure I wash the shower/tub well since it’s kinda gross for the next person to use it to step in my pee. I only did that in my old tub/shower however because it was old and a matter of time before it was replaced. I don’t do it now because the tub is replaced with nice material and it’s new and I don’t want to ruin it. Also, I’ve grown older and (hopefully) more mature.

  5. What is the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?

    • lol..

      K, I totally want to c how u answer this one xDD

    • Probably being caught with pads in my backpack. I had taken some from my mom to school so that I would have “time alone” to inspect/learn about them. Unfortunately, it was a busy day at school and I totally forgot I had them in my bag. I came home and my dad had someone over in the house looking at something, so my mom and I went downstairs to “stay out of the way”… my mom has this habit of turning my backpack over and dumping out the contents so she can get my lunch bag, homework and clean it. Unfortunately this time, the 3 PADS also fell out with the rest of my stuff.

      I did try to act all innocent, saying some girl played a prank on me and put it there (it was April fools day luckily), and she took them away and I guess probably threw them away. There wasn’t a lecture or anything, but it wasn’t a happy moment either. She had “played along” with it and acted as if she believed me, but it wasn’t until much later when I “grew up” and think back to the incident, it’d be pretty hard for her to believe me because those were HER type of pads… so unless she assumed whichever girl “put it in my backpack” used all the exact same products, it’d be pretty hard to pull that lie off.

      That’ll teach me leaving this stuff carelessly around and also taking hers… that’s when it dawned upon me I should be finding other sources rather than taking hers… first of all, she’s the only woman in the house so she consumes 100% of the pads and should not have any more or less in the packages, which is pretty obvious when they go missing…

      The only other big thing that had been really embarrassing in my life is probably the first time I had a wet dream. Even though I “knew what it was” … didn’t expect it to happen like that, LOL. I never have done my own laundry, but several nights when I was a teenager and before I started masturbating regularly, I had wet dreams and came into my underwear. I was too ashamed to have just thrown it into the laundry basket, so I washed each one out myself. One time my parents asked me why I was washing my underwear since I just normally throw it into the hamper for my mom to do, so I claimed I was “trying to get ice cream” out because it was my fault I let it drip. It’s a good thing I found out about masturbation, or else I would’ve had TONS of wet dreams and lots of manual laundry cleaning… lol!

  6. Good songs never go out of style… a dedication of love to your girlfriend through this song only becomes stronger, not weaker – newer, not older – timeless and forever. 1998 or 2011, she will still know how you feel.

  1. Pingback: Brandy – Never Say Never + Lyrics | Stop Jealousy

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