Hong Kong Quickly Approaching

I can’t believe it… just a bit over 3 weeks and I’ll be escaping the start of Canadian winter. Of course, I’ll also be back smack in-the-middle of it too! I booked my tickets during the summer holidays and can’t believe it has dawned on me already. I was out at Mississauga yesterday with one of my best girl-friend, hit up some shopping, talked for hours, got some bubble tea and lazied around her house. She was all excited about me going on vacation to Hong Kong again and said that it’s just around the corner and I was like, “No way, it’s still months away” and she’s like, “Uhh.. it’s less than a month silly!” Just moments ago I remember it being the start of the school-year and working my ass off and time has flown by just like this. She gave me a small list of things to get her because she won’t be coming back with me for another good 3 years when she has her finances better-settled and have vacation days available. Given that I didn’t even know departure date is coming so quickly, I still have to write down my things-to-pack, particularly getting my laptop travel-ready and my unlocked Blackberry so I can stick a HK-SIM in as soon as I arrive. I have a feeling I won’t be getting a data-plan this time, which means no emails outside of a WiFi zone… which Hong Kong is saturated with as it is anyways.

My friend’s boyfriend went to a stag party, so she ended up staying quite a bit with me and pretty much chatting my ear off. Slowly it was approaching dinner time and I think she began to get tired and she ended up falling asleep on me. I didn’t want to move and wake her up and it just didn’t feel natural for me to have a girl other than bebe lie next to me. I mean, I’ve known this girl for 25 of my 25 year life, we’ve done almost everything together and there are almost ‘no barriers’ between us… but yet, I can’t stand having another girl lie on me anymore. I felt so shy, so ashamed and perhaps even slightly uncomfortable. I know in my heart that I’m not cheating on bebe because my best friend got too tired and nodded off, but it just didn’t feel right. I tried to fall asleep myself since there’s no point of me staring blankly at the walls, but I just couldn’t because the girl who’s curled up by me isn’t her. After an hour of doing nothing and trying not to breathe too hard, she finally woke up and we went out for dinner then called it a night. She did get me a pack of chocolate which I ashamedly admit I’ve finished already, LOL… just can’t say no to Godiva 😆

I will be gone for a good 34 days and although that’s a month and a bit more, it’ll fly by just-like-that, it does every time. I haven’t even arranged where I’m going to stay yet, although I do hope that the place we rent out is vacant so I can stay at it again and have a place to myself… or stay at my cousin’s place which is nice too 😀 I don’t know how often I’ll update this blog from December-January, although I don’t want to see it die or people become disinterested. I’ll definitely try to keep content active, although not sure how often period related, and I might even get the liberty to take pictures and add information about all the cool pads and tampons found in HK!

Just to think that a month after I return from my vacation, bebe will be returning to Canada too. It has been so many months and she has yet to say a word on me on MSN. I’m amazed at women’s ability to override their own conscience … or perhaps 良心 better described in Chinese. It’s like they can push their own thoughts and feelings away somehow and have total disregard for it. Does she think about me? Does she care about how I feel? Does she know she’s hurting me? How can she go about knowing she’s hurting me? … and more importantly, I just want to feel secure in knowing that when she returns to Canada, we can start a new life together. I can forgive everything she’s done to me because really, the past doesn’t matter. All I care about is the future, the future which her and I will share together, for better or worse. It’s 6 months she’s had practicality no contact with me, maybe a bit of time for her to grow, be with her family and friends, but I’m not an obstruction, I’m not here to remove freedom from her, but I want to be the guy who brings her happiness, stability, comfort and security. She sees me as some kind of hindrance as if I will prevent her from spending time with her family or consume her life. I think it’s a terrible way to see a relationship, I just wish she’d be more realistic about what relationships REALLY are about, it isn’t a matter of spending every living moment together and losing independence.

I guess Hong Kong will give me away to perhaps lift my mind from bebe, even for a bit. Instead of being 13,000 KM’s away from her, I’ll only be 2,500… damn that’s close! Hell, I’ll even be in the same time zone as her and if anything, my heart will feel that-much closer to hers. When she’s sleeping, I’m sleeping and knowing that I’m dreaming of her and that she’s always on my mind.

I can’t wait to take some amazing pictures with my new camera. It seems like every time I go to Hong Kong, I take certain pictures always from the same angle or even the same scenery, but there are some shots that are worth getting repeats of and mainly because unlike Canada, the rate at which landscape changes in HK is maddening. From what I’ve read, Hong Kong has already had (since 2 years ago), added a plethora of new subway stops and has extended their subway lines to “suburban” areas already. Where our family resides, there’s a brand new subway, train, taxi and bus station in-service, so the pictures that I took last time standing from the same spot and facing the same way probably has considerably changed.

I’ll try to squeeze one more period-post in before I leave, but I really don’t know which topic to choose since I have written down so many to talk about 😀

The Righteous Brothers – Unchained Melody

Oh, my love
my darling
I’ve hungered for your touch
a long lonely time
and time goes by so slowly
and time can do so much
are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
Godspeed your love to me

Lonely rivers flow to the sea,
to the sea
to the open arms of the sea
lonely rivers sigh ‘wait for me, wait for me’
I’ll be coming home wait for me

Oh, my love
my darling
I’ve hungered for your touch
a long lonely time
and time goes by so slowly
and time can do so much
are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
Godspeed your love to me

About Prexus Swyftwynd

Probably not a good idea for you to know anything about me....

Posted on November 14, 2010, in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Looking fwd to u arriving safe n’ sound 🙂 Miss u lots!

    Kekeke… u will definitely need a more private place to stay @ ‘cuz I already bought sm “stuff” for u to see/try 😉 Ofcoz it feels weird if u hv nother girl other than bebe slp on u… n coz I kno u r the shy type and very conservative. B4 u with bebe, it’d be ok to hv nother girl slp on u, but not once u hv her, I now u’d probably be turning red n feel very embarrassed! It juz shows u care about bebe’s feelings n that u r committed to her n wouldn’t try to do smthg with another girl EVEN if u had the chance.

    I want to c u, yur mom n ofcoz ur new camera!! So excited that u will be bk soon… I’m sure bebe will feel yur ‘closeness’ to her in HK, even if she is consciously ignoring u… deep down subconsciously, she cares and that’s y she has to do so much to keep u off her mind! C it as a GOOD thing bcoz it’s important you ENJOY YOUR VACATION…

    Countin’ down the days 😀

    • I can’t believe it lor… so fast… it was just September a few days ago! I miss you lots too and I’m sure I’ll see you very soon! I do hope I get to stay in my own place or at least have a room to myself like the past few times. I’m not sure whether 4B is taken or not by tenants… if it’s not rented out, I can definitely stay there – AND, won’t have to share a bathroom… so if I have a couple of cupboards and stuff, I’ll have a private place to store things you give me 😉

      Ya… I dunno, like I was looking at her when she fell asleep, she looked so angelic and stuff and I wanted to fall asleep too because it felt so dumb if I couldn’t move and I didn’t have the TV/radio on for something I could pay attention to…. but something didn’t feel right.. like I thought, “If this was bebe, I’d have no problems falling asleep” or that bebe in my arms felt a lot more natural than her. As much as we’ve been friends for so long, it has kinda changed… not in a bad way, just that I’m a bit more reserved about how much contact I want to have with girls outside of bebe. I don’t even really like putting my hands on girls arms or shoulders anymore 😆 .. well other than bebe of course!

      I just found my Blackberry the other day and I have to get it all configured again. I turned red when I plugged it in because I still have LW as my background… wtf, lol, I better change it to bebe’s picture 😀

      Yes, I’ll enjoy my vacation, I plan on it, even with bebe in my mind/heart! I know HK is going to try to lure me into other girls, but not gonna let it happen, hah. I have SELF-CONSTRAINT and fortitude and no matter how pretty/great the girls thrown at me, I’m not going to falter 😛 can’t let a small worldly test like that fail me, LOL.

      I’m not counting down the days yet, still got so much to prepare, at home and at work! I seriously hope I don’t forget to do something important.

  2. Alwayz so cute!

    Newayz… I tried to send u MSN msg… did u get or not get? U dun pay attention to it much nemore meh? xDD

    • Oh wow… somehow I totally missed this message, sorry!

      Umm.. in regards to your question about MSN, really, I just look for anyone sending me messages, otherwise I don’t pay attention much. If I don’t see any flashy-windows, then I just disconnect from the server. MSN was really a thing for bebe and I to talk, I really don’t talk to other people much on it and really, anyone who needs to get a hold of me has better methods than MSN anyways.

      I guess I talk to you, my girls, Claudia, Cherrie and bebe over MSN mostly, other people I don’t really care much for long-conversations over MSN XD Poke me on Skype or send me a text message!

  3. Sorry about my mopey email, I went back to work and things are busy again. Glad to hear your getting away for some “me time” I can tell Bebe’s been making you nuts with no contact. I think you should take a tonne of cool pictures and post them where she can see them and start a conversation! (your pictures will be so awesome she’ll have to comment. Otherwise she’s got a cold heart)

    • I haven’t gotten back to your email because sometimes I don’t even know what to say. I’ve seen so many people go in my life that I don’t think I feel a lot anymore… not because there’s no sympathy left in me, but there’s never something right to say. Alas, I am sorry for you and your family’s loss and wish you all the best in a speedy recovery. I was hoping that we’d be able to celebrate my grandfather (maternal’s) birthday this year when we returned to HK, but alas, he passed away just a few months ago, short of us returning. It wasn’t utterly sad only because he’s 90 and at that age, you sure got your time’s worth in life! I am spending a lot of time planning out my trip, mostly packing and to make sure I have everything important I need and thus, haven’t been able to reply to all the emails and people I keep in touch with regularly.

      Sometimes I even amaze myself at how much pain I can endure… I really didn’t know a person is capable to taking that much. I honestly would’ve never imagine the day that I have such willpower – and not to sound egoistic – but just that love is really so amazing that it’s such a strong power you can draw from. I know without love, I would’ve probably cracked under this pressure of trying to make this relationship work. In past relationships, it has always been a fairly light threshold, something goes wrong, just toss it. I mean I’ve had some pretty long-term relationships, but I’m just not one of those people who “put up with shit” and I fight back pretty quickly/heavily. With bebe, I have such a yearning and soft-spot for her that I couldn’t even bare to hurt her, even if intuitively that seems like the perfect way to get revenge. The second I see bebe smiling, I practicality have anger-amnesia and forget about it all.

      Today at work on my desk, I have a picture of bebe, and I was so frustrated with the amount of work that I have to do, took one look at her picture and it set my mood instantly. I know that that in every relationship, you go through this stage of lovey-dovey and that you can endure everything under that influence and later it fades.. but really, I see that we can love each other much more than just it being a “phase”. If it wasn’t for the case, I would’ve long given up because of all the hurt, time and money expended.

      I’m a big picture-fiend, so I’m sure I’ll be posting plenty of pictures. It’ll take some time for us to resume natural reactions to each other… I mean sometimes when you go through rough times, it’s hard to just “go back to normal” … and I accept that, you know after having to face up to the person who you just smacked is kinda hard. My heart is warm and ready, waiting for her any time. I can’t bear to be mad at her and although as crazy as it may seem, it’s so hard for me to picture being with another girl. Maybe it’s just the usual entrancement of love, but that’s really what makes being alive great, the feeling of being able to love someone with your heart fully. I know it’ll take her time to understand how I feel for her and perhaps one day reciprocate… but I’m willing to wait, because she’s worth it and just because there may be “easier” girls to get, doesn’t necessarily mean I want to take the easy way out and settle for less 😛

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