Love is Tough

So now as bebe and I progress into some seriousness with this relationship, things begin to surface, particularly with living arrangements. She likes Malaysia and I (wouldn’t say “like” – but it’s just I’ve established), Canada. Truly, I can understand the pains of asking her to be the one to “leave home” to be with me, at the same time, I admit I am greedy. I can say however, I have thought about moving my life closer, if not, in her home, but it’s just so hard… and likewise, she can say the same. The only thing that even makes it remotely easier is the fact she’s been in Canada for quite a while, on the other hand, I have “no life” in Malaysia.

We both have preferences of where we want to live, yet we both want something grand out of this relationship. I cannot justify asking her to come be with me, away from her family, other than telling her I love her and that I hope I can provide the same loving environment that her family and friends back “at home” and surely, she has friends and family in Canada as well. I would never ever ask her to feel like she is giving up her home in Malaysia, her friends, her family… simply only to “reside temporarily” with me in Canada. I hope in the future when we get our freedom 55, to move to Malaysia and/or Hong Kong. However, I simply cannot deal with doing such a thing right now… greedy, yes.. .shameful on my part… also yes.

We have a Chinese saying, “Marry a chicken, follow the chicken” loosely translated. It is my dream we can spend the first half of our life in Canada and spend the 2nd half of our life back in our born-heritage. There’s nothing I can say to bebe to rationalize why she should follow me, other than the hold her in my arms and show her actions (that are louder than words) that I care about her enough to hope she is willing to make this sacrifice. I know the more that BOTH of us think about it, the more we will worry and have this fester. She is right in telling me today that our future is determined by what happens today, so rather than think about how we’re going to deal with this very complex situation, that we should enjoy our moments together and let the future ride out. Perhaps she will feel so loved by me that moving to Canada, won’t seem so bad after all. Haha, I can only hope.

All I can promise her is I will do my utmost to ensure that she does not feel she’s abandoned her family, friends and hometown. I want her to know whenever she misses them, that they’re only a flight away and that as long as our finances are capable, she can go back anytime. Sure, that might mean I starve for a month while she’s gone and find me a skeleton on the couch when she returns, but I’m willing to make that sacrifice for her 😆 To be honest, if in the end she really does come to Canada to be with me, I swear upon it that I will be forever indebted to her, not just simply because she will one day be my wife and perhaps mother of our children, but rather, she selflessly made this relationship work by residing in Canada, a complete act of bravery which I would fail to do myself.

I meditate for guidance and blessings from above. Yes, I am asking bebe to make a huge-huge jump, for me, for US. It is a very UNFAIR trade-off because I am incapable of doing the same thing for her as much as I reallyreallyreally want to. I will promise her nothing less than all my love and that no matter how well I treat her, I will never make up for the fact she would stay in a country away from ‘home’ with me and although one day she may feel attuned enough to Canada to call it her home, it is still simply a “home away from home.” – much that Hong Kong while I simply have moved away for so many years, is still my home.

Perhaps if I can see things the same way she does, I will stop looking so far ahead (as much as I want to) and simply cherish THIS moment that bebe and I have together. I hope that she will come to Hong Kong so we can spend some quality and personal time together. It’ll give us a GREAT opportunity to see who we really are and to learn about each other on a totally different level. The fact that she’s willing to come to HK to spend time with me (ok, so she WAS planning to come anyways) is really a big subconscious comfort-level in her heart. One may argue that I’m “seeing more than what she really means” – but the action is quite obvious, would you dare to have gone on a trip with a boyfriend who you have only gotten to know a bit? The reality is that while she may have some reservations about our future, certainly there is a large hidden comfort we have with each other and probably our doubt mostly comes with the question, “Where are we going to start our lives?”

To really solidify our future, I have to prove that I fully love her and that she can open her heart to me. Shamefully, I have questioned her a lot, asking her why sometimes she is so reluctant to open herself to me, even when we are making so much progress, in fact, the smallest idea when she told me she wanted to come to HK enthralled me like never before. I became more aggressive in the sense I wanted to pursue her not only as a girlfriend now, but as a soon-to-be, life partner. It may seem like this is all rubbish given the distance she keeps right now with me, but I pray hard that if/when she comes to Hong Kong within the next week or so that I make her stay enjoyable and also show her what I have to offer, despite our difficulties within our own hearts. Individually, we have obstacles and issues we have to deal with… together, we can conquer the trials of love!

If you believe in prayer, please feel free to pray for bebe and I to help us overcome our barriers and allow her to fully be reassured that I am Mr. Right and that she will have no regrets leaving home to pursue a life on our own, with the blessings of our families.

About Prexus Swyftwynd

Probably not a good idea for you to know anything about me....

Posted on December 20, 2010, in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. GAHAHAHA, C I told u that u should’ve brought condoms w/ u when u came to HK… now u will hv to buy them here xDD

    Ya lor, if she says she has intention to cm to HK, then she has more feel for u than u think or she wants to lead herself to believe she doesn’t like u…. also, u know that if she still feels ‘attached’ to home, she is self-denying her feelings for u coz she feels guilty abt leaving home for u. It’s alwayz easier for us girls to lie to ourselves when we want to ‘bend’ our own feelings for our own preconcieved notions. If say in the end she does something not-smart n leaves u, she can atleast falsely justify to her own conscience that she “didn’t like u” and chose to stay in Malaysia, rather than admitting she “really likes u but didn’t want to leave.” We girlz hv many schemes 😛 The power of our mind is vry strong, kekekee.

    I hope u two hv plenty of fun n that she’s actually cm’ing… coz it sounds like it’s a “maybe” onli so far since I don’t see u screaming n’ running arnd in circles all happy yet 😀 If she’s willing to tk a step forward, then mk the time u spend together wonderful to give her smthg to return to Canada for!!

    • LOL, condoms, seriously? I don’t think she’s that easy to get in bed with… she doesn’t even feel ready to sleep (JUST sleep) with me yet, let alone do anything else like that. I don’t have such an unrealistic goal yet, I’d be happy with a nice big hug at the airport, some hand/shoulder holding during our trip and perhaps if I’m lucky enough, she will be ok with a kiss. I mean a lot of this really has to do with a mood anyways and sometimes the timing is more important than the action, haha. I doubt at any point I’ll be able to get her excited enough to do anything sexual… a sweet kiss would already make my entire trip awesome 😆

      Yes, part of what is really holding her back to committing to this relationship is the whole location issue. I mean had we both easily been happy living in a single location, I have a feeling it’d be a lot easier to throw herself into my arms. She says I’m only “potential” – but I wonder if that’s true or whether she feels something deeper. She’s a hard girl to read, I never get clear signals from her that it makes it difficult to plan my next move. LOL, doesn’t that sound so TACTICAL? haha. I’ve never been with a girl who I can’t foresee my next action and reaction from her… she’s such a mystery. In my head, I plan/hope for all these romantic moments and I wonder if it’ll really work out.

      Sometimes when I talk to her, she’ll answer me saying, “Depends who it’s with” and she’s done that quite a few times, lol. When I ask her if she’d feel romance or something under a situation, she’d be like “depends with who” .. but she’ll never say if it’s with me or some other guy, LOL… and it makes my heart hurt she just won’t say me 😦

      Nevertheless, ya, I know girls have 101 plans and particularly with bebe, she’s so cautious about everything that there’s like this invisible hand holding her back, even when she herself wants to move forward, LOL. Sometimes I just sigh and roll my eyes – because she’s practically playing tug of war with herself, LOL. Once she can let her guard and 戒心 down, then we will flourish together… I think there’s just doubt in her heart right now and hopefully on this trip, I can prove to her that she doesn’t need to doubt anymore whether we are in this ‘for real’. 😀

      And the only time I think sexually about bebe is in my fantasies… I mean, we are just SO FAR away from really engaging in anything, I don’t even see that as a “short term milestone” or possibility… but I admit, I’m seriously getting antsy over her. Just the day before I had her on my mine so much that I swear I had a hard-on all day, lol.. I had to tfk like 3-4 times in one day, hahaha 😯 — oh man…

      • U will do fine lah… u r so romantic and sweet to bebe, she HAS to feel smthg. U kno u alwayz say that u r not good looking n’ stuff like tht, but if u just look at yur past, all the girls u’ve ever been with hv all been very beautiful n that shows u r not using yur physical apperance to attract girls, but the fact u r attracting them with yur heart.

        If u stop worrying abt the way bebe sees u physically n’ concentrate on being yurself n’ loving her, then the sky is the limit for yur relationship. She did make a big step by cm’ing here to be with u, even if it’s just for a week.. if u reali put that into perspective, u will reali c how much she has u in her heart. She might not want to show it up front for fear of doubt, but it’d be unquestionable to say whether or not she feels for u.

        Well u might not think abt sex with her so soon, but I know u r super romantic from having known yur ex’s xDD so u nvr know whether u can woo her into it, haha. We girlz very easily hv ‘needs’ ourselves too… as much as we pretend to hide it or supress it. Even if not on yur goal, alwayz be prepared la… wut if she suddenly gives u the “ok”… then u will totally be unprepared 😛 If u win her over, she may very well give u smthg unexpected 😆

        I hope u two hv lots of fun, juz don’t forget yur family will be angry if u just spend all day with her, so make sure u still keep yur days in balance 😀

        • hehe Amy, I understand what you mean about “being prepared”… but I really don’t see it happening where I’m going to be in a situation where I will need condoms with bebe X.x As much as that’d be nice and everything, her idea of a relationship progresses quite slow so unless I can magically turn her on or something, all those condoms would do is sit in my wallet, LOL. And plus, I don’t want to appear like I’m the typical guy just thinking about banging her all the time.

          I believe when you keep condoms in your wallet, it just insinuates you want something all the time. Yes, I do care about her and yes, I would give my body up to her… but it’s not on my “realistic goals” list. And plus if we REALLY REALLY needed condoms, we can go buy them 😆 … stores everywhere in HK. People claim it “ruins the mood” – but really, if we really decide to do something like that, then I think we can spare the 10 minutes to be responsible and safe… if doing that ruins the mood, then clearly it was in the heat-of-the-moment and we are not TRULY prepared if we can’t “re-ignite” our feelings after buying them 😐

          I hope we will have tons of fun together too and that it will help her truly understand how I feel about her and more importantly, she can recognize her own feelings for me – hopefully for the best. I know things are quite different talking over MSN than in-person, so I hope we’ll have many things to talk about as quiet moments just make the situation awkward…. that is unless we’re cuddled up and just savouring the moment with each other XD

          Now stop thinking about bebe and I having sex, go make Josh happy instead, LOL!

        • LLOOLL, omfg god, what’s with you people anyways?!!

          My cousins all said the same thing, they we were like… you really should get some condoms “just in case”… -__-” you know… something might happen

          Just in case for what? Man… haha, dunno if you guys move really fast in your relationships, or I’m just too slow. They were like… 2-3 months in a relationship should be enough time to go at it and I’m like noooo it’s not. Seriously, not getting any condoms and plus, you’re not really supposed to keep them in your wallet anyways 😛

          Is it because I just know bebe really well or is it because I’m not being positive enough that something will happen? LOL… just don’t think she’s ready for something like that, yet everyone is just saying the ‘just in case’ factor, but there’s such thing as PROBABILITY and it sure as hell isn’t very high at the moment 😆

          And to your statement, yes, it’s going to be a very tricky balancing act when it comes to spending time with my family and her… my head hurts already 😀 If she decides to join us for our stuff, it’ll make it so much easier, HAH…

  2. SEEEEEEEEE 😀 Told u, u need to get sm… wut if she suddenly says she really luvs u n wants to ‘experience’ u xDD Then u will be so angry u didn’t listen to us n’ get it, lol.

    Newayz, U can take bus A10 to get to ALC Estate area for only $48… no point in u wasting $300+ to take a taxi… coz to get from airport, hv to take multiple toll-routes n u hv to pay the route AND the normal taxi fare… it will be just short of $400HKD I think, that’s a lot!

    I’m going to leave for business trip soon, will contact u juz to say hi when I get there I’m free. Enjoy la!

    • Bleh, whatever… if bebe feels like doing that, we will and we’ll get what we need then… I understand the need for planned things, but I don’t believe she is prepared to take such a big jump like this unless she has a spontaneous change-of-heart… I’m a believer of small steps, if she even allows me to touch her sensually, that’s a really damn good start already, let alone with any type of clothing removal, LOL.

      Thanks for the info, I asked my uncle too and he said it’d be around 350ish too, traffic dependent and on what tunnels we choose to take. Either way, he said it wouldn’t be cheap, but I really don’t want to be taking the bus with bebe when she has luggage. Also, you can call me lazy, but at least the taxi gets us RIGHT to where we need to be, rather than a bus-stop. I know it’s considerably cheaper and we’d save at least 300, but I don’t want to end up getting lost or sitting forever on the bus. Also, time is precious with her only being here a few days, so I want to cherish every moment usefully, not waiting to get somewhere 😛

      I’m hoping to get some final details hammered out with bebe, but haven’t seen her in a while now 😦 Guess it IS Christmas Eve after all…. haha, even I have my head stuck out the window getting a free Aaron Kwok concert viewing 😆

  3. If there were just more people out there like you. Reading your posts brought happy tears to my eyes. You are a true romantic and a gentleman. I completely agree with you that if you can’t reignite the spark after a trip to the store it was not ment to be at that moment. I hope you had a ton of fun and a wonderful time in HK.

    • LOL, I sure as hell hope there’s not more people like me out there, who have such bad luck to not be loved by the girl who he loves 😛 Nevertheless, I understand what you’re saying, hehe. The trip has changed our lives a lot for us and the way we view each other, both positively and negatively. One thing is for sure that she became progressively “closer” to me each day – whether this was a conscious or subconscious act. I know subconsciously, she feels deeper for me than she shows on “the outside” or consciously in her mind. There’s just that deep down part inside her who knows that we’re perfect together and for all the right reasons. It’s about bringing that inside stuff out 🙂 – life will be great then!

      I try to be romantic, but I can’t say there aren’t times that my “guy thoughts” cross my mind, lol. I wouldn’t necessarily call it perversion – but more like ‘intimate thoughts’ of her. There’s something beautiful about wanting to embrace her in my arms, look into her eyes, kiss her beautiful lips and let her know that my world is her world and that I want to give her a life of happiness and no-regrets. I want to soothe her worries that by being with me, means regretting many things, but I want her to be reassured that I will make it worth her while, because I can give her something that probably no other guy can in this world, is my love for her.

      I agree, some times things are all just momentary lapses. Sometimes she’s super close to me and at other times, there are doubts. I know we all have brains and we all think, so I don’t blame her. We live life in small moments, a mere fraction of time, that is an immediate moment of feelings and thoughts. While at one point she may not feel the spark happening, she will. I’m truly dedicating myself to her now, I’m not looking for other girls and I don’t even want to consider my life with someone else, OTHER THAN her. I understand her scenario as well and for her, getting into a relationship with me is truly a risk – which neither of us knowing how it will end. For I will say myself that not only do I hope, but also believe that all good will come from this if we’re willing to let ourselves immerse and not just use our toes to feel the water, but jump right in. To her, she may be very foreign to those feelings and perhaps even worry or fear. For me, there’s only one way for her to feel for me and know how I feel about her as well. Right now things are the way they are because she can’t feel that want to love me at the moment, but down the road, she will know all the benefits of loving someone and having someone love her back!

      I had a great time in HK, particularly with bebe, so I’m smiling when I sleep every night, thinking about her – despite her being so far away at this time!

    • Glad I’m nt the onli 1 who thinks u’re a gentlemen! C, hv sm faith in yurself, especially coz girls llovee gentlemen! Sure, bebe right now might not c why it even matters, but in the long-run, she will c it really matters. After all, if u can make a good impression to her family n’ friends, it makes a huge difference! Think abt it, she wants a guy she can be proud of n’ bring home to meet n’ to introduce w/ her frds too rite?

      Y she always say that ‘depends on who’ if she wanna be romantic with? Such rubbish… her idea of WHO is the ‘right person’ to feel romance with is so off =_= … prob coz she sees good-looking boy n’ automatically think they’re “great n’ romantic”… but rly, the ‘normal’ looking guys are much more romantic. y? Coz they know they can’t always rely on their face to turn girls on. Better that u nt look too good, then u becum very flowerheartie n’ dun concentrate on her. Also y u r so good at attracting girls with things OTHER than yur face or body coz u hv the personality n’ romantic/flirty-touch. Good looking guys may hv personality n’ be very good flirt, but it’s coz they’re too cocky n’ know that girls like to stare at them… but wut abt long term commitment? They dun care at all, y shld they? They can 1 foot step 2 boat (or 10 boat) all at the same time.

      I like how u c things as ‘moments’ n’ just coz she doesn’t feel 4 u rite at THAT moment, doesn’t mean she hasn’t felt 4 u at ALL. I am goin to agree w/ u tht she probably doesn’t even realize how much she’s into u… she lets all these ‘external’ things bother her w/o concentrating on the real matter, which is abt letting herself fall for u. I dun think that she hasn’t fallen for u, more like she prevents herself from fallin even deeper w/u… afraid? Mayb. Not sure? Mayb. Shy? Mayb tht too… but still, if she has to control herself that much to go against her intuition, then also she already is captured by u but struggling, haha.

      No such thing as ‘negative’ feel in love and relationship. The trip brought ALL positive experience coz u learn from it. Mayb u think she pull bk is negative, but not necessarily so… she is waiting 4 perfect moment leh. She does hurtful things to u coz she is afraid for herself, not coz she’s afraid of u. She’s afraid if she accept u, her world will change and that’s nt wut she’s used to… 4 so many years, she had ‘her world’ to herself rite? Now yur part of that world n’ she has to learn to “share” w/ sm1…

      Big learning curve for her hrm? kekeke.

      • I should start selling your “mood lifting” and “encouragement” services to the world, lol. If you sold words to make people happy, you’d be richER by now XD If only bebe viewed me like you did, then she’d be drooling all over me, LOL. Hai, when will my wish come true? She told me she’d talk to me when I got back and she’s been having internet troubles and to be honest, I’m afraid to be like, “Hey, did your internet get fixed yet? We haven’t talked in a long time…” – but I’m too afraid to know whether it is already fixed and we’re still not talking much or whether it’s still kind of broken. I know CNY is coming up so there will be lots of family/friends events, so I really don’t want to rob that freedom from her as well… and I believe she mentioned a while ago it was also for her grandfather’s “big” birthday which is very important (and I totally understand that).

        Ya, I think it’d be nice to have a good image for her family and friends. I believe she’s talked to her friends about me before, not sure if they see me positively or negatively.. I would say probably somewhat positively since they seemed like they wanted to meet me (or at the very least say hi, lol)… and her parents at least trusted me (or trusted their daughter, haha) enough to let her go to a different country for a week, so at least that’s saying something? I don’t know, I’m just speculating anyways. I was so annoyed yesterday because Poh Ching was like, “Bebe probably fabricated a story to her parents so that she could go and never mentioned you at all.” -_-“ It’s not like I’m not self-conscious enough as it is, let alone having her say something totally stupid like that. I know bebe wouldn’t have said, “I’m going to be in Hong Kong with my boyfriend” but at least she’d make mention of me truthfully to her parents X.x Stupid Poh Ching and her dumb mouth and fucking with my mind. I should say something bad about her stupid boyfriend and mess up her day.

        Things are the way they are because of small aspects of life. it’s kind of like the idea that the smallest change in history, changes the course of the world. Likewise, even small little things about me help mold things the way they are today. Whether I look better or look worse, would’ve determined whether bebe and I met in the first place. Let’s just say I was one of those REALLY good-looking guys, bebe and I might not have ever met because I’d probably be with another girl right now. The point is not about how I look, but rather, the way everything in life, small or large, plays a big role in the scheme of how things play out. I used to think I am not blessed because I am not one of those ‘model guys’ – but now I realize I am 100% blessed because I have great parents and I have a wonderful girl in my life. She will make a great girlfriend, wife and mother one day 😀 I no longer get angry (as much) compared to before about how rotten my life is!

        Yep, it’s all about moments! We all live in moments of time and just because we don’t feel X right now, doesn’t mean we won’t feel X later on. I’m a believer that with so many people who prove persistent and unrelenting love is stronger than any other force in this world. There’s so many people that despite saying, “I will never love this guy” or “I will never love this girl” end up getting successfully married and stay “white hair until old” proves the very reason why people should always trust their instincts and stay with the guy/girl they’ve set themselves onto, rather than taking the easy way out and giving up.

        Every relationship is a new learning curve, whether for her or for me 😛

  4. I applaud you for being such a courageous guy. As Treena said, there are few gentlemen that still exist out there. Your girlfriend is very lucky to have a guy like you, who is willing to stand by her thick and thin. I have been with my boyfriend for only 2 years and I regularly remind him what it means to be a gentleman. I happened to actually be searchin for “ways to be a gentleman” and landed on your blog. At first, looking at the topic of this blog, I did not expect to find much about being a gentleman, but rather, about periods… but lo and behold, I found a gold-mine of useful info about menstruation AND on the true definition of a gentleman.

    I’ve read several of your entries, both personal and period-related and feel very warm and fuzzy after reading you speak of your girlfriend. I think I speak for many women to say that you are a truly wonderful guy and that your girlfriend should really take time to appreciate all you do for her and reciprocate the feeling of love which you give her. You are also very understanding to her needs, thinking about the future you two will have together and CONSIDERATE of her worries and find ways to help her cope. I cannot even express how much I yearn for my boyfriend to be like this. In honestly, I think he takes me for granted and your girlfriend takes you for granted. You show her so much love and affection and I cannot fathom how she feels that it is acceptable to treat you in such cruel manner. I can see however, that through all the pain and suffering she causes you, you smile and simply treat her the best you can and that is jaw-dropping.

    Obviously she has a lot to learn about love, or whether she even recognizes her own feelings about you. From the sounds of your more recent posts, it sounds like you two had a fabulous time together in China. For a lady to go on a trip with you, it really says a lot about how she feels, whether implictly or explictly. I’m sure you feel very lucky to have her as well and you two make a great couple! Whether she stayed with you or not in the same place or even in the same bed, it takes a lot of trust and faith in a relationship to go on a trip with someone, particularly if she arranged it on-the-spot. As much as you missed her, she missed you as well from the looks of it, while she will not admit to it. Don’t worry about all the negativity that she expresses to you – she will come around and make sense of it all!

    May God be with you. I will definitely look forward to seeing all the great times you have in the future and will remember about your blog when I need information about periods 🙂

    – Ashlene

    • Hi Ashlene,

      Thank you for your beautiful words and just taking the time to acknowledge me as a decent being. Although I cannot say I am not without flaws or have never done anything bad, I do consider myself at least an “amiable” and “nonthreatening” person… people commonly approach me to ask me questions because I’m a “nice guy” and they feel comfortable doing so. Why bebe feels distant to me is beyond me, I mean she has tons of her ‘reasons’… some I would say valid, some I believe not, but then again, as long as she believes inside her head that her ‘reasons’ are right, I cannot sway her, only maturity and experiences will make her more aware of reality.

      I feel weak whenever she does not respond to me. It’s a mixture of hurt, upset, anger, annoyance and just outright disgust. I agree with the fact it makes you wonder how she feels it’s ok to do something like that, but what am I to do? I can’t just yell at her, that’s not going to improve the situation, I can only be like teaching a child, slowly teach her and be rational with her, letting her know what she’s doing is HARMING another person and that she should let her heart free and truly accept me. Whenever she doesn’t ignore me, I feel great about myself and feel like the world is wonderful. I’m more temperamental whenever she goes through her bouts of “randomly ignoring me”.. and I know she knows better than to do something like this to a person, yet she does it… it makes question-marks float above my head. It’s kind of like, you know that one human killing another is wrong, yet people still do it, why? I know that’s an extreme comparison, but she’s killing my heart, she knows it, but why does she do it? I guess she can only answer that, feeling that it is the ‘right’ thing to do for herself.

      Her justifications are weird sometimes, but hey, I guess that’s what gives us all individual personalities. She’s stubborn, like me I suppose. I know she probably does feel more than she’s willing to admit or that her mind tries to speak louder than her heart. Is it because she’s been too independent that she’s so used to thinking with her mind, that it can override what her heart feels? By ignoring me, is that her way of trying to quell those beautiful feelings in her heart? Sometimes being with a girl who has a little experience makes things difficult. Relationships and emotions aren’t something that can be explained and learned, it is only acquired – through time. That’s why I shower her with love, because she needs to know what these feelings feel like – they’re wonderful feelings!!

      I feel so hurt right now, it’s like every time we progress POSITIVELY in this relationship, she feels the need to pull back. It is not about her not being ABLE to move forward, she does not LET herself move forward. After this wonderful trip, all is so well. It’s like every time she helps me put a bandage on my wounds, she has to stab me again and each and every time, it hurts more. I want to ask anyone, whether human or god, why she can hurt me like this and go about her day. Do women seriously love playing with guys hearts like this? I know she feels for me, yet at the same time, hurts me.. what is this, love-hate? I’m so tired of her “moving forward and pulling back” tactic. We made so much great progress during this trip and at the end of the trip, she decides to go all negative on me. Sometimes I get confused about what goes on in her mind and why there isn’t that compassion of how she could hurt me over and over again… and I know her excuse would be “Well if you don’t want to be hurt, stop trying to come after me” but that’s just one of those shit-ass excuses that girls try to pull. I’m not going to let that get to me, I shall continue onward!

  5. When u say “randomly ignoring you” – if she doesn’t answer yur IM’s or if you make a comment/message 2 her on FB or wteva, it is called being rude … has nthg to do with her feelings for u. U would not ignore a person who walks past u n’ greets u or approaches u to talk nicely, so it is just YUR excuse u r making for her and defending her. There’s nthg u can do to defend her n’ say that her juz deciding to not answer u in any communication form is rite. If she has time to answer her frds, she has time to answer u. U go so deep as to talking abt her actions abt how she feels abt u or whether she feels 4 u which I understand, but to ignore ANYONE is just downright 冇禮. It is disgusting manners and way 2 treat sm1… ZzzZzz I kno u wuld nvr do it, but seriously sm1 needs 2 teach her a lesson -__-

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