Love is Tough
So now as bebe and I progress into some seriousness with this relationship, things begin to surface, particularly with living arrangements. She likes Malaysia and I (wouldn’t say “like” – but it’s just I’ve established), Canada. Truly, I can understand the pains of asking her to be the one to “leave home” to be with me, at the same time, I admit I am greedy. I can say however, I have thought about moving my life closer, if not, in her home, but it’s just so hard… and likewise, she can say the same. The only thing that even makes it remotely easier is the fact she’s been in Canada for quite a while, on the other hand, I have “no life” in Malaysia.
We both have preferences of where we want to live, yet we both want something grand out of this relationship. I cannot justify asking her to come be with me, away from her family, other than telling her I love her and that I hope I can provide the same loving environment that her family and friends back “at home” and surely, she has friends and family in Canada as well. I would never ever ask her to feel like she is giving up her home in Malaysia, her friends, her family… simply only to “reside temporarily” with me in Canada. I hope in the future when we get our freedom 55, to move to Malaysia and/or Hong Kong. However, I simply cannot deal with doing such a thing right now… greedy, yes.. .shameful on my part… also yes.
We have a Chinese saying, “Marry a chicken, follow the chicken” loosely translated. It is my dream we can spend the first half of our life in Canada and spend the 2nd half of our life back in our born-heritage. There’s nothing I can say to bebe to rationalize why she should follow me, other than the hold her in my arms and show her actions (that are louder than words) that I care about her enough to hope she is willing to make this sacrifice. I know the more that BOTH of us think about it, the more we will worry and have this fester. She is right in telling me today that our future is determined by what happens today, so rather than think about how we’re going to deal with this very complex situation, that we should enjoy our moments together and let the future ride out. Perhaps she will feel so loved by me that moving to Canada, won’t seem so bad after all. Haha, I can only hope.
All I can promise her is I will do my utmost to ensure that she does not feel she’s abandoned her family, friends and hometown. I want her to know whenever she misses them, that they’re only a flight away and that as long as our finances are capable, she can go back anytime. Sure, that might mean I starve for a month while she’s gone and find me a skeleton on the couch when she returns, but I’m willing to make that sacrifice for her 😆 To be honest, if in the end she really does come to Canada to be with me, I swear upon it that I will be forever indebted to her, not just simply because she will one day be my wife and perhaps mother of our children, but rather, she selflessly made this relationship work by residing in Canada, a complete act of bravery which I would fail to do myself.
I meditate for guidance and blessings from above. Yes, I am asking bebe to make a huge-huge jump, for me, for US. It is a very UNFAIR trade-off because I am incapable of doing the same thing for her as much as I reallyreallyreally want to. I will promise her nothing less than all my love and that no matter how well I treat her, I will never make up for the fact she would stay in a country away from ‘home’ with me and although one day she may feel attuned enough to Canada to call it her home, it is still simply a “home away from home.” – much that Hong Kong while I simply have moved away for so many years, is still my home.
Perhaps if I can see things the same way she does, I will stop looking so far ahead (as much as I want to) and simply cherish THIS moment that bebe and I have together. I hope that she will come to Hong Kong so we can spend some quality and personal time together. It’ll give us a GREAT opportunity to see who we really are and to learn about each other on a totally different level. The fact that she’s willing to come to HK to spend time with me (ok, so she WAS planning to come anyways) is really a big subconscious comfort-level in her heart. One may argue that I’m “seeing more than what she really means” – but the action is quite obvious, would you dare to have gone on a trip with a boyfriend who you have only gotten to know a bit? The reality is that while she may have some reservations about our future, certainly there is a large hidden comfort we have with each other and probably our doubt mostly comes with the question, “Where are we going to start our lives?”
To really solidify our future, I have to prove that I fully love her and that she can open her heart to me. Shamefully, I have questioned her a lot, asking her why sometimes she is so reluctant to open herself to me, even when we are making so much progress, in fact, the smallest idea when she told me she wanted to come to HK enthralled me like never before. I became more aggressive in the sense I wanted to pursue her not only as a girlfriend now, but as a soon-to-be, life partner. It may seem like this is all rubbish given the distance she keeps right now with me, but I pray hard that if/when she comes to Hong Kong within the next week or so that I make her stay enjoyable and also show her what I have to offer, despite our difficulties within our own hearts. Individually, we have obstacles and issues we have to deal with… together, we can conquer the trials of love!
If you believe in prayer, please feel free to pray for bebe and I to help us overcome our barriers and allow her to fully be reassured that I am Mr. Right and that she will have no regrets leaving home to pursue a life on our own, with the blessings of our families.
Posted on December 20, 2010, in Personal and tagged Blog, Family Life, Friendship, Girlfriend, Girls, Hong Kong, Life, Love, Malaysia, Musings, My Life, People, Personal, Relationship, Thoughts. Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.