Happy New Years 2011 from Hong Kong

Just wanted to say Happy New Years to all my loyal readers and passer-byers! I can’t believe it, the start of 2011 marks a full year of this blog’s existence. Even after a year of blogging about menstruation, feminine hygiene and many other personal topics, I still feel highly attached and you should only expect more content to come. My existing hiatus is due to my busy holidays and being away-from-home!

I just got home myself from a short cruise today with family, after all, to celebrate 2011 to be another great and exciting year! The past while with bebe joining me in Hong Kong for a week and trying to balance time with my own family, I have been incredibly drained and exhausted. When I wake up in the morning after full hours of sleep, I feel still tired and yawn often throughout the day. I’m hoping my body doesn’t give up on me, especially since there are only 11 precious days to go before our return to Canada. My schedule is only becoming more packed as people are trying to see us before our departure. During this time since the last update, I have experimented with at least 5-6 different pads which I have yet to post up, even though I have noted my reviews.

I’m excited to say that bebe brought some pads for me as well from Malaysia, an excellent selection I must admit 😛 I’m rather happy she did because it makes me feel that much closer to her, making me particularly excited when I see the same brand/type in the future. For 2011, I hope to continue to make progress in our relationship, because we have much to work on. I find that whenever we try to make big leaps, we tend to fall back more than move forward, showing that bebe and I should probably move slowly. As my aunt said, she agrees that people should “be friends” and then “be lovers” rather than what most people believe that friends can only be friends and lovers are lovers. What is bebe to me? She is my baby, my one true love and the woman I want to be with… what am I to her? I don’t really know. What’s important is that during this time, I try to help her to understand herself and us, so we know where we stand. Bebe refuses to label me as her boyfriend and engage in physical affection with me, so we have much work to achieve that comfort-zone with each other. For now, if she wants to hold her stance as just being a non-attached friend, then so be it, because if I force her to take on the role of my girlfriend when she is not ready, she will only feel suffocated. At the same time, I don’t want to let her “too far out of my sight” as to not allow her to forget she has a very loving guy waiting for her.

Beyond my own needs, all I hope for is that this year our family continues to be blessed with “wealth through health”… because I think I’ve spent so much time this year concentrating on the idea that making money will impress and allow bebe to have a great future. When one thinks deeper, my wealth is the fact I am in good health and can take care of her and our future family. A few days ago, we saw some “attributes” related to her year, one of which was “good health” which she snickered at. Although we have not discussed our health much beyond coughs and stuffy noses, it is likely she is not the most healthiest individual. Ask me before I fell in love with her, that I would want a girl who is not in good health because it may mean lots of “taking care” in the future (rather than usually me being taken care of), but even know she may not be in the best health, I still want to be with her. Health is always a very cautious thing to talk about within a relationship and we don’t do much of it, even though I’ve seen things that might tip me off – but that’s irrelevant. Even now that I know (kind of) what I’m getting myself into, I’m willing to love her and take care of her, no matter what happens to us in the future.

I don’t think any one but me can understand how happy she has made my Christmas and New Year, being able to spend, if even a week, with her. I think the happiest moments were when both happily smiled for the camera. Those were indeed beautiful times and those pictures will be cherished forever. You know, sometimes there are times we she drifts from feeling super close to standing distant away. I know that we BOTH try to make a conscious actions to feel closer with each other and we both play an important part on trying to break that barrier. I know there’s always that mystical force between us that seems to hold us apart until the time is right. I don’t blame it, because sometimes life is guided by fate’s hand and that there are reasons to why things are the way they are. You could say it’s the only way I can console myself, but when things are beyond control, then it makes you realize that there’s more than what we as an individual can do to change a situation.

Love is often an instantaneous spark of feeling and until that same spark ignites within her, she will still keep her distance. I’m like oxygen, I can help her sustain that fire and love for me, but we will first need her to light the fire before I can supply the oxygen to keep it going. As much as I would have loved to embrace her and to hold my lips close to hers this trip (it was worth the dream), I know that my love life is complicated and that every obstacle brings us closer to success. I used to get annoyed at why “love can’t just be easy” – but also realized that every time we trip and fall to reach that end-point will only make us APPRECIATE that end-point even more, helping us survive the many divorces and martial problems that we so often see in this society.

Once again, I’d like to wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR (2011) and hope that this year will bring you your hearts desires. Expect more updates soon, particularly when I return home to Canada!

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About Prexus Swyftwynd

Probably not a good idea for you to know anything about me....

Posted on January 1, 2011, in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. HAPPY NEW YEARS big boy 😀

    Hope all your dreams come true this year, especially with u n’ bebe 🙂

    Looking through all your pictures, I can tell u2 had a wonderful time. Altho bebe might still not be 100% ready for u, juz dun forget that a more reserved girl will take much longer to “crack” than one who have already been playing the dating-game for a while. Even tho she might not admit openly that she reali enjoyed yur company, she probably did deep-down inside!

    Do u evr think that mayb she’s juz so guilty abt how well u treat her n’ she doesn’t feel like she deserves u? Perhaps sm1 new to relationship might not understand that it’s not about how much u can give and/or expect in return, but juz abt being together. Try to let her kno u don’t “expect the world” from her n’ rather, juz enjoy walking steps together. It might be a month or years b4 she begins to luv u, but I kno that u believe it’s worth it, whateva it may take!

    Oh I’m so excited 2 here she gv u sm of her pads ^__^ I bet u were sooooo lumlum, haha. Even tho u may not hv gotten super far with her this time (guess u were right abt not needing condoms xDD), I’m sure u made a great impression on her aunt/uncle! I guess u dun need to rush furthering the relationship with her yet newayz – ‘cuz seeing u getting so ‘excited’ juz thinking abt her, u probably would not even be able to last long w/ her … that’d be so embarrassing if u couldn’t last longer den her, KEKEKEKE. Try not to get everywhere dirty, it’s not yur place after all 😀 LOLz!

    • Happy New Years too! Did you go anywhere to do the countdown? I hope OUR dreams come true too 😀 I know bebe is still very skeptical of whether we can make it, but as long as we set our minds and hearts to it, I’m sure we can achieve it. I’ve already planned to take some Putonghua lessons once I get back. I understand what she means by feeling closer and more expressive in her own language.. I mean, of course I feel it too when she speaks Cantonese too my, I feel so much more attached and in-tune with her! At the same time, I don’t think either of us will ever be as good as each other in our own language, but I think it goes to show how much I love her if I’m willing to learn a language I never wanted to learn.

      We did have a great time, just wish we made more progress because there were times I worried we were stepping backward. I’m sure like always, bebe had moments of “too much thinking” and yet moments where she could completely relax, be herself and just enjoy her time with me. I could that in the first few days, she was much more reserved and by day 3-5, she was more comfortable being around me and being close to me. There were definitely a lot of “small” and “barely noticeable” signs of things that really made me smile and feel so warm! Although we still talked about whether she is confident that she’ll have that loving-feel for me one day, I still think this relationship is worth pursuing. I don’t go into a relationship thinking it’s doomed to fail or that it will end up heartbreak, but with the full intent of making it work by overcoming obstacles which every couple faces. The more “problems” we encounter NOW, the stronger our relationship will be in the future!

      She’s told me at one point that she feels bad whenever she can’t reciprocate the same care that I show for her. I always remind her that it’s ok for her to like someone who likes her more than she likes him. I think we all believe there needs to be equality in a relationship, even a long-term one, but the reality is that there is no such thing as equality in a relationship or our emotions. I think I posted it before, but now it seems like there’s a lot more comments: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/is-it-wrong-to-date-someone-who-likes-you-more-than-you-like-him-2341565/?pg=1#comments
      If you read that, you’ll understand how I feel and try to convey that towards bebe. There are many couples there too who all started the same way bebe and I did… she thinks I’m a good guy, but doesn’t have that feeling in her heart yet. Learning how to navigate in a relationship or her own feelings for her is like me trying to learn a new language. It’s damn tough, but with enough effort, it can happen for anyone. I know it’s tough for her and that it’s much easier to move onto someone else who she ‘easily’ feels for… but still, some things in life are WORTH pursuing 🙂 I don’t expect her to give me the world, I expect her to BE my world 😀

      Yes, I was totally lumlum… haha. Told you it was completely unnecessary to think about sex with her, she’s quite slow to warm-up, I don’t expect that before marriage (as nice as it is to dream/fantasize about, reality is different). My cousin was like, “Are you sure you can handle that?” and I’m like, “Yes – if it is her will to wait for that, then so be it.” because I can find perfectly practical ways of solving my needs. I like to be in control of myself, I’m not going to be some sex-driven guy who just constantly wants to sleep with her to satisify MY needs… sex is supposed to be a way to satisfy BOTH needs and if she’s not ready for it, it’ll only make her question whether I’m the type of guy she wants to be with. I believe in “pressure to move forward” but not “pressure to have sex”, particularly because if you do, you have to be willing to bear the responsibility of POTENTIALLY getting pregnant. And I had problems getting ‘excited’ after she left… I didn’t do it for two days 😦 so don’t worry about me getting the place dirty. Although when I did resume when I felt happier, it was… ya… LOL – and that’s why guys don’t like saving up, haha. Ya, I think I’d totally get too excited over bebe the first time… I’m going to have to find some psychological way of controlling myself XD

      • Good la, ‘wishing’, ‘hoping’, and ‘believing’ is the best way to strive in human life. Those who hv no goal or hopes dun evr proceed n’ advance within life, coz they have nothing to “reach for”…. If u “wish, hope and believe” that bebe n’ u will work out, then that’s the #1 force that will help u2 achieve it! I’m unhappy I nvr got to meet bebe this time, but hope I will in the future ^__^ I’m sure yur family all wanted to meet her too, haha.

        Abt bebe “thinking too much”… can be good or bad thg I guess. After all, she may be thinking abt all the good things abt u n’ how great of a guy she thinks u r. Ppl can make ALL the difference in the world just through their own mind, whether they see a situation positively or negatively – it’s even more important the reality itself! If sm1 sees smthg positively, it’ll mk the situation that much smoother even if it is truly not. Help her concentrate on all the good things abt u n’ reinforce that u r serious abt making this relationship work out for the best.

        When u said, “The more “problems” we encounter NOW, the stronger our relationship will be in the future!” – this is a wonderfully mature think u say/think. Yur role in the relationship right now is not only abt showing how great of a bf u can be, but helping her see the path of the relationship n’ guiding her through her “first” and hopefully “last” relationship. Change n’ the feeling of the unknown is a scary thing – kind of like how u r scared of death/dying, she may also be scared as to ‘what is involved’ in a relationship… how does she fit in, what is her role, what is expected of her, what does she need to/not need to do w/ u, etc. U r not only a bf to take care of her, but to be her eyes n’ ears when she is “lost”

        Reading all those comments, then u shld be well aware there will be much pain, agony and obstacles to cm, but also a HUGE reward (with bebe’s love) at the end. I kno it’s so hard to see that ‘light at the end of the tunnel’, but I kno if there’s anyone persistent enuf to c this relationship through, it is YOU!

        • Yup, I agree you always have to have something to “look forward to” to make life really worth living for. I know there’s a degree of living “for today” since you don’t know whether you’ll be around “for tomorrow” – but it’s ambitions that drive me forward as well. I mean certainly there wouldn’t be as many people working hard if they weren’t trying for a pay-raise or a promotion per se. I do wish and hope bebe and I work out, because we’re so right together.

          Ya, when she was here, my family really wanted to meet her. I didn’t introduce her to them as my girlfriend, but they’re always for cordial and enjoy extra company. Bebe isn’t the particularly social type (her words), so she really didn’t want to come – plus, there’s a lot of ‘pressure’… haha. They asked several times since they really wanted to meet her and chastised me after she left for me ‘not asking her to join us’ when I did ask her. They thought she had really good manners since she took the time to buy some gifts for the family and in fact, they were so pleased we laid out all the food on the table and took pictures of it while we were eating it, lol. I have to find out WHICH camera that was on…

          Ya, I’m afraid of change too, lol – but in this case, bebe and I would be a change for the better for sure. Our relationship would only help enhance each other’s lives and make our days enjoyable. I think particularly on days where we feel lonely and ‘away from the world’ that we will truly learn to appreciate each other more. I know for sure when I get to sit down on the couch and relax, then I start to think about bebe and of course when I’m busy, I might not have time to have her on my mind all the time (although I have her in my heart).

          I definitely need to help promote the idea our relationship is headed in the right direction. I know at times there are doubts, even large doubts whether I am right for her, but all I need to do is to express my feelings to her in a reasonable manner. Showing someone you care about them is better than telling them. I cannot help her rid her mind of negative feelings/thoughts, only help her see past them to something brighter and better. The negativity she’ll have to break through herself.

          I want to be her first, last and ONLY relationship… and I want this to be the last relationship I have to get in. I don’t want to just play around anymore and waste time and it’s not that I want to be so serious about getting a relationship that I forget about keeping it fun, but also because in a world so big, bebe is one of the very few girls who could make my life complete. Likewise, in my eyes, I treat bebe very well and at least deserving of her love (perhaps in time) and that I’ve at least shown loyalty and commitment for her to believe in me. I want to believe that love DOES conquer all, despite her lack of comfort and immediate feel for me.

          Your smart words always help me out and help keep me calm when the waves are high 😀

  2. Kekeke, not sure if u need the help, I juz say newayz xDD I kno u r perfectly capable of handling love/relationships… mayb I ought to help bebe more den u ya? LOL. If I knew bebe better, I wuld definitely let her kno what she’s missing out on by being so slow with u… she has no idea how sweet u r n’ how much fun u r to be with 😀 Even tho I nvr been yur gf, I hv so much fun n’ find u so caring, let alone sm1 who u treat as a gf… must be so much LUXURY!

    Bebe still not tag herself in yur pics? She scared that her friends might hv to c u in them? xDD If u not give her the originals, then it wuld force her to use the ones frum yur album 😛 Too late now la if u already hv, haha. Wish she wuld actually take PRIDE in hv’ing u, not trying to hide u under the hay 😛 So how she doing now tht she’s bk home? She say she miss u ma? hehe… probably too shy to say it newayz or she denies tht she misses u 😀

    Newayz, wut’s yur plans for yur last wkend here? Dun forget to meet 4 lunch or whteva b4 ya leave!

    • Haha sure, if you want to lend her a piece of your mind XD

      I guess it can be pretty luxurious, although I don’t want to excessively spoil her and set a standard. There needs to be the idea that I’m willing to “go the extra mile” for her, but not be too accommodating. There’s a saying that until you marry a woman, you cannot let her have a full stomach – right? 😛 My aunt was just saying today how she’s so used to having my uncle accommodate her for everything the first day they started dating and now that they’ve been married for so many years, she still gets very angry when he yells at her, because he’s always done everything to please her and cater to her in every way possible. I certainly want to love bebe and care for her, but I don’t want to be a slave to her every bidding and will 😀

      I’m not sure if she really wants to share an album with me. She might just take the picture and repost the ones she likes (which probably won’t include me, haha.. and if it does, I think I’ll faint :lol:). I’m not going to withhold the originals from her, that’s silly and it’d just make her angry if I did that. I’m trying to show her I care about her, not push her into a corner 😛 I can totally understand and appreciate her wanting to keep things under-wraps until she feels ready to make things official and public.

      She’s busy now that she’s back at home, so we haven’t gotten a lot of occasions to talk. She got sick 😦 and also had some MSN issues, so we haven’t really exchanged live-chat since she left HK… sad yes, bleh. But, she enjoys having her own space and time for herself, so the reins are all hers! I have to savour every moment I can anyways left in my few days here. She hasn’t told me she missed me and I’d agree to think that she wouldn’t say something like that even if she felt it XD

      Tomorrow going out to meet someone ‘new’ from my Mom’s side… her cousin whom I’ve never met before. Have to meet brother later in the night to get all the pictures off his camera before he flies home the following day… then afterward it’s all open-days until departure. How’s lunch on Monday?

      • Haha ya, spoiled too much is bad, u might regret it coz then she’ll always expect it 😛 You should be “soft” and be “hard” all the same time.. too soft n she will take advantage of u, too hard n u will anger her or be too authoritative. I kno u r the ‘strong man’ type n around her, u try to soften up n’ be more catering to her, but juz rmbr she should c u as both being a capable LOVER and LEADER, otherwise it causes imbalance when evrythg is in “her favour”

        I’ll call u l8r tonight to confirm, should be ok… hv fun!

        • Hai, before I leave I should visit the temple again and ask for a 施法 for bebe and I. It has been tough since she’s returned to Malaysia, she hasn’t seemed to want to talk to me on MSN and seems so the air seems so heavy. I know she has a lot on her mind and so do I, I just want things to go smoothly for us and that I get a chance to prove myself as a person under fair conditions, not just be constrained by geographical factors. At least she’s told me that although I have not won over her rational side yet, that I have at least 感動 her to think with her emotional side positively, but I still need to find a way to 撻出愛火花 for her.

          Apparently my aunt recently became like a 道廟 and stuff because she really wants to help people lead a better life and avoid obstacles. She gave me a handkerchief type thing that has been 開光 by her 師父 (since she’s not ready to perform that yet) and because the Master is really well known for how 應驗 (I think that’s the expression) he is… that’s why she chose to follow his path. I didn’t even know about it, but my mom asked her to get me one just to protect me and help me with my problems. I’m sure sometimes she can see my stress with my relationship problems. I mean I don’t get stressed out just because things are moving slowly, but I just get stressed out when she disappears on me or sounds like she sounds like she is thinking/going to say something negative 😦 But I always start worrying about things before it even comes out, lol. It’s such a terrible flaw. I know she had MSN problems but then I think she fixed it and still won’t talk to me and I start getting all worried as a bad sign or something… Although I can understand her just wanting a break because she’s tired and busy with her own life, but then I start getting all panicky that “something’s wrong”… hai, I need to be more positive. Even bebe said I need to be more confident because non-confident guys aren’t very attractive. I need to start believing in myself more.

          But anyways, my aunt gave me a chant I can recite to help our relationship, so I’m going to have to do it soon… I hope I can find time in the day before I leave HK. The sooner the better really. I think the longer bebe stays in Malaysia, the longer she just feels comfortable and wants to settle there (forever), and that’s not a very good thing for the sake of our relationship 😐 I hope whatever divine powers that I can pray for will help us through this very tough geographical problem, maybe inspire her to give me an unbiased chance at her love back in Canada and just throw “where we are” out of the factor for a while and truly indulge each other in the relationship and using our feelings. Just close our eyes and pretend that we’re location-neutral and perhaps then we can block out things that we MAKE as our own barriers. Truly, it is not that I have not considered one day relocating to Hong Kong or Malaysia to work and continue life, but we need to at least get a start in a serious relationship first and then have some career-experience and financial capacity to be moving around. My aunt even said there are places in Burma, Thailand and Malaysia where they have very strong Masters/Priests who can cast life-altering incantations, but it’s EXTREMELY bad to ask for something like that because you are changing the course of fate. I’m not sure if right now I feel desperate enough to do something like that, but I know my grandmother had did it once for something and she paid a large (non-monetary) price for it. Likewise, as much I care for bebe, I don’t want to go do something that forces her and changes our futures to be with me, but rather, I want her to willingly be with me because she loves me and because I love her. Although I wonder deep down, do I love bebe enough where I would risk myself to alter the course of time if bebe really refuses to be with me. I used to think this was all rubbish, but when you see how accurate how things can be and how people have proven their abilities, it removes a doubt that some things in life are beyond our control under normality, but can be changed/predicted to freakish accuracy.

          I’ll tell you more when we go eat, will give you a shout over phone when I’m ready!

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