Letter to James Thatcher, Proctor & Gamble (RE: Have a Happy Period)

I always debated whether or not to post this. No, this isn’t “new” at all, but I just thought it’d be too “common” for me to post this, but at the same time, being a blog on menstruation, how could I possibly not have this on my site? This letter made me chuckle, whether real or fake – it’s a pretty accurate description of their periods for some women.

This was a letter sent to Proctor and Gamble (P&G) regarding their “Have a Happy Period” imprint on their wings sticky adhesive.

Have a Happy Period. Always!

Have a Happy Period. Always!

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from “the curse”? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my ‘time of the month’ is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call “an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.” Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Branch Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers’ monthly visits from “Aunt Flo”. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: “Have a Happy Period”.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness – is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything “happy” about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like “Put Down the Hammer” or “Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong”, or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep… Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin TX

Always Ultra Thin Flexi-Wings😀 this is awesome!

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About Prexus Swyftwynd

Probably not a good idea for you to know anything about me....

Posted on January 31, 2011, in Periodtastic, Thumbs Up Reads, TMI Corner and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. LOLOL! Good one! Is this is real letter by the way?

  2. Little F-16… lol!

    At least now mk sense when ppl say ‘hitting airplane’… AAHAHAHAHAHA.

    Holy, this woman uses $8 a mnth in maxi pads? 😐 Crazie lor…

    • I guess it depends on what you buy, although $8 does seem kind of high. I suppose the cost would also be dependent on how her flow is like or just what kind of combination of products she uses to manage her period. Don’t forget, some people could be like H and totally change way too often when she really doesn’t need to and just wastes all the pads/tampons XD

      • Hey, do u recall how much u spent on this stuff while in HK… n’ how much do u spend evry yr on it newayz? I bet u will go crazie n’ spend even more when bebe n’ u get serious with each other n’ u buy all her stuff xDD u’ll totally get more than wut she needs or get her to try new stuff, KEKEKEKE. Yur gonna throw away all her thins aren’t u? 😆

        • I think like HKD$156.80… LOL… so about $20 CAD. It’s a lot simply because I’m there for such a short time and wanted to test so much… so ya, it was quite a bit and not every time could I get a “good deal” … there were a couple that I definitely got on-sale for that week. You better not complain, you aren’t bebe so you’re not allowed to tell me what to do with my money XD Just joking, hehe.

          I probably spend between $20-30 a year on ones here… it just depends if there’s something “new” out that I want to experiment with once it’s released or whether I wait. Like last year, I got the U By Kotex ones right after the day they got released in Canada… so that was a bit pricier, even with the coupon. Now, all the prices have come down already. If I get Infinity, then it’ll cost more or any of the “premium” lines… If I always deal hunt then it’s quite possible for me to err on around $20/year. Sometimes I give them away or share them with my girls, so that really affects how much I spend on a yearly basis.

          Nah, I would not do something like that to bebe. If it comes down to it, she can have her own stuff and I keep mine hidden and private. I don’t think bebe can tolerate having our stuff mixed together, it’s just weird if she were to go to her closet to find everything missing, haha…. especially when she NEEDS it! If we have separate things, she won’t know when (my) stash goes down, reducing the awkwardness of it and that it doesn’t have to pass through her mind, lol. I’m glad she respects my interests and I’d like to respect her sanity as well 😛

          Although on the same note, I wouldn’t mind if we just kept everything stashed together, I’d always make sure there’s enough for her to use anyways. And really, I would not throw away anything of hers, she is entitled to what she likes to use. I would ask her if she wanted to try new stuff or bring it up, but I would not force her or do something underhanded like this – I’m not trying to ruin our relationship! I actually don’t think we’ll disagree on what she uses, I quite like the stuff she gave me from her own treasure chest 😆 .. so we won’t have an issue at all, lol. And if you think about it, by the time we start sharing the same living quarters anyways, we would have progressed much into our relationship, so the reality is that where she puts her pads and whether we decided to stash it all together is the LEAST of our concerns – hello, there’s more important things in life to worry about that that, haha!

          If you want even more honesty from me, when bebe and I start getting serious, I’d want to rid the habit all together anyways. I’d still want to be involved in her needs and comfort and be ok with buying her pads/tampons or whatever, but I’ll probably be less involved into stuff I am now. I wouldn’t want her to feel uncomfortable in the sense that I maybe know “a bit too much” about things and maybe be ‘normal’ again? I know that what I do isn’t “bad” or “damaging” – but I think it’d make her more comfortable if I no longer experimented and stuff. Nevertheless, I think over time and probably without words, I will be able to guage whether she wants me to ‘leave my interest behind’ or whether she can just turn a blind-eye to things. To me, it doesn’t matter which outcome it is because the more important part is that she cares for me and I care for her and if it means giving something up… then sure.

  3. GD MMMORRRNING 😀

    Well.. hrm.. I’m nt sure if I agree w/ yur idea of u giving up your interests. It is a hobby and it is knowledge, I dun think u shld give it up just for her. It is vry sweet of u to give it up for her, but it’s a matter of her loving who u r and accepting that yur hobbies, whether she “likes” it or not is still yur personal preference. I can understand that yur very respectful to nt let her c u do things which is fair for both, but u shld definitely continue to help men/women arnd the world understand periods… I’m sure that bebe wuld c tht as a very honourable thing to do.. in fact, she should be PROUD of her bf/husband doing such an admirable thing! Whether u do it coz u want to help or whether u do it for ‘fun’ – tht shld still be a reasonable expectation to hv each others fantasies.

    And plus, even if she REALLY does catch u experimenting or wtevr, she shld not make a big deal out of it. It might shock or be awkward 4 her, but she shld respect yur privacy too. I kno it’s a sensitive thing to work out, tht is y it is best if u two r just open w/ each other so u kno yur boundaries n’ better yet, help bebe understand, tht way it is not a problem AT ALL… n’ she obviously is ‘accepting’ of yur interest to give u thgs, so obviously she’s not objectionable to it, more like she juz doesn’t understand y u do things u do, n’ that’s y relationship-experts alwayz say, communication is KEY. If u dun communicate, it is bad for her and u, especially on such a private topic. If she is yur lover, then for sure u feel 100% telling her! Rite?

    I dun think she will mind either if u keep yur stuff w/ hers… not that I kno bebe vry well, but from wut I hear abt her from u n’ read abt, she’s not THAT mean… y separate stuff, just makes a big mess! I think as long as the rules are tht u dun ’empty things out’ – it is fair to keep evrythg together… n’ also, u will likely pay for all tht stuff newayz xDD n’ if not, it is ‘both’ yur incomes buying it, so shld not be a case of “you” or “I”…

    Wut u do is not damaging n’ then onli thing that’d damaged u is if she forced u to give up yur interests and yur willingness to talk abt a subject tht guys fear to talk abt! U hv so much knowledge n’ gift to share w/ the world, neither bebe or u shld waste it like tht 4 sure!

    • Yes, if she ever asked me anything about my interest, I’d be COMPLETELY comfortable with telling her the truth, without leaving out any details. Of course, that is under the circumstance she wants to know and if she doesn’t, then we’ll just pretend it doesn’t exist, haha. Although I mean personally, I’d want to at some point when we’re super comfortable for her to know the more private things about me, because it just seems right for partners to know the most intimate things about each other, but if she really can not stand it, I’m not going to force the matter either.

      There have been times I always asked myself whether I should have let her know of my interests at all… I could’ve really kept it away from her. I’m not sure whether my interest has had positive, negative or neutral effect on us. I’m hoping even if it’s not positive, that it’s at least neutral… kind of like, just leave me to do my own thing 😛 I’m sure the first time I dared to hint to her or mentioned anything, it might’ve been a bit negative but for the most part, she seems indifferent to it… neither good nor bad, which is already a GOOD ENOUGH thing, haha. Can’t have too many expectations she’s going to “agree” or “like” what I do.

      To me, the most important thing right now is that if bebe is truly negatively affected by my interests to just tell me out right. It’s worse for me if she just “went along” with it but it made her really uncomfortable – and in which case, I’d just quit my interest all together… but I just want to make sure that THIS isn’t what is kind of holding us apart. I can give it up IF I have to, I just prefer not to… you know, life is too short to give up things you truly feel passionate about, yet, I would do it for someone I love. If I ever find out bebe is ‘marginally accepting’ of what I do, then that’s at least one burden off my mind, haha. Oh well then, no point in asking until we get some ground on our relationship.

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