Top 10 Commandments for a Successful Relationship

Found a nice little article written by expert Dr. Teesha Morgan.. thought it’d be a nice post for everyone who struggles in their relationships with their special-someone. I know I’m not alone in my situation and there are many more like me, perhaps even some who are more deeply pained than I am, so perhaps if people just took a bit of time to acknowledge that love is not just all easy and painless like we see in movies and dream-up in fairy-tales.

Top 10 Commandments for a Successful Relationship

1. Thou shalt drop the Hollywood love theme and acquire realistic love life expectations

Relationships may start out in a blissful state of awe-inspiring romance, however this is called a ‘state’ or a ‘stage’ for a reason. When two lives eventually meld as one, the result can be tedious, mundane and exhausting. It is therefore up to you to keep that spark alive because no fairy godmother is waiting to hand you glass slippers and a prince reared to perfection.

2. Thou shalt combine duties and chores to become a team

Science has shown us that women often take the brunt of household chores, even when they are trying to juggle a job as well. Ask your partner to help split chores more evenly; the lessened household workload has been shown to increase sexual desire in women and decrease stress on all accounts.

3. Thou shalt banish your acting prowess and quit pretending nothing is wrong

Pretending you’re fine when you’re not benefits no one. This simply chokes communication lines and creates resentment and anger. Become an adult, and express your feelings.

4. Thou shalt not strive for the title of gossip queen

Although tiaras are fun to wear, this crown should not be one you’re proud to prance around in. Gushing out all your relationship problems to your girlfriends may help you blow off some steam, but bashing your man behind closed doors does nothing to improve your relationship, or your image.

5. Thou shalt be yourself

Faking an interest in hockey or a love of video games will do nothing more than place you on a phony pedestal and lead you on a pathway of misguided love.

6. Thou shalt take control of one’s own sexual satisfaction

No man is a mind reader, so if you’re not communicating a solid and specific thumbs up or down on his performance, then you have only yourself to blame for not reaching the highs that true orgasmic intimacy can bring.

7. Thou shalt not take on another lover (unless your partner may do so also)

Enough said.

8. Thou shalt have a life outside of the ‘we’

If we become too consumed with our partners and our relationship, we forget about ourselves and our goals to become a better individual – individual being the key word. Don’t become so involved in the ‘we’ that you lose a piece of yourself.

9. Thou shalt not obsess about obtaining bodily perfection

No one is perfect, even the airbrushed models we glamorize. The more we worry about our weight and stress about our imperfections, the more reserved we become sexually and the less beautiful we feel. Opening up your imperfect self to another is the first step to true intimacy and acceptance.

10. Thou shalt not try and ‘fix’ one’s partner, as they are not broken

The more we view our better halves as in need of mending, the more we project faults onto them and blame them for our unhappiness. Work from the inside out. Whether it’s personal or relationship based, only you can start making changes for life-long happiness.

I really like reading love articles, because I enjoy pursuing self-improvement. I know that I, along with every human in this world always has space to improve upon themselves. Although I know bits and pieces about love, I always enjoy learning more and seeing how I can be a better man and a better lover. Suffice to say, this is kind if like school… you can only learn so much, as experience is where you face the real-deal, but at least having a good foundation and knowledge will only help to better the situation! I want not only to be able to love bebe even better, but I also want to help her find ways to love me even more. It’s much harder for you to love another person than to give them reasons to love you, or at least, perhaps in my scenario.

I know some view it as silly to bother with reading relationship articles because it seems worthless, but to me, it sheds light on things that sometimes I don’t seem to be able to find answer to or things that I see from a different angle. Remember we all have different perceptions of relationships and love and sometimes being able to “hear the story from someone else” allows me to readjust my thinking. Sometimes when I spend time with bebe, I try to remember things I’ve learned, experiences I’ve been through, while maintaining my own individuality. I’m not going to “follow everything” like you do in school as if this is a ‘manual of love’ or ‘instructions’ – but rather, extract ideas and concepts pertinent to our situation to help us love each other.

Someone said something beautiful to me...

Once in a while, I have to rely on my friends just to cheer me up and set my mind straight when it comes to dealing with bebe. Every day, I endure a lot of stress, headaches and pains over trying to steer our relationship in the right path and having support gives me that strength. I really liked what my friend said to me XD gave me such encouragement, haha… and a good feeling! Of course I wish I got the same encouragement from bebe herself, but I guess I’ll just have to rely on friends to cheer me on until she will 😆 For those who didn’t know, Chinese New Years just passed a few days ago and getting excellent greetings and kind-words carries far into the year! Isn’t this great what my friend said to me about bebe and I? 😀

Uh huh, now let’s just hope this dream comes true soon, haha. Actually, I’m not so much concerned about the marrying part… we still have tons of time, but I’d sure like to get some progress into this relationship.. something realistic. It’s going to be an uphill battle because I’m trying hard to help bebe ‘have a life’ here… she’s kind of returning smack in the middle of winter and it’ll probably be super-depressing for her and it’ll really make her frustrated with how life is in Canada… it’s kind of a bad time to return since she’ll just be stuck inside her house and that is why I really want to give her a lifestyle that’s a nice mixture of realism and fantasy. Of course I want to help her find a job or at least something to make her days bearable as well as be able to spend time with her so she doesn’t feel like she came to a country to sit inside a jail-home. It’s cold and the conditions are bad outside, but I don’t want her to feel as if she’s alone here, she has ME whenever she needs me. I know she doesn’t have a habit of “relying” on people, but it’s a matter of simply having time to spend together so we don’t feel as lonely… this goes for both her and I.

We are a great couple and I can be a great boyfriend, she just has to give me a chance! I find that trying to secure a lifestyle for her in Canada is giving me more stress than when I was trying to find a job, LOL! But hey, what kind of guy would I be if I don’t show any type of effort for her right? This better pay off… hahahaha… I’m very easy to please, I just want her love! We’ll put all that physical intimacy aside until her arms are ready to open up, I just want her heart for now, especially for valentines day!!

Something for everyone to think about.. people ask me why if bebe shows so little towards me, that I can endure all the pain and somehow, cry myself through the night and wake up in the morning as if nothing happened… and I give them these quotes:

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.

Erica Jong
1942-, American Author

And why is it so persistent that I’d rather stick to bebe than to look for another girl who may more easily submit to me and love me with a lot less effort than her?…

Love (understood as the desire of good for another) is in fact so unnatural a phenomenon that it can scarcely repeat itself, the soul being unable to become virgin again and not having energy enough to cast itself out again into the ocean of another’s soul.

James Joyce
1882-1941, Irish Author

Bebe is worth fighting for, being brave for and risking everything for…. and my love for bebe is not as simple as giving her up, moving on to another girl and believing that I can love that girl like I love bebe. It may sound like I’m just “settling for her” just because… but you misunderstand, I am settling for her because I love her and I want to spend my life with her, however short or however long that may be.

About Prexus Swyftwynd

Probably not a good idea for you to know anything about me....

Posted on February 5, 2011, in Personal, Thumbs Up Reads and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. Wow… sm1 needs to nominate u for being one of the world’s most romantic guys… Zzzz! It is quite clear u can’t live w/o bebe, hehe… it’s cute! Who would hv thought u would finally b able to luv nother girl rite? I kno L left a hole within u when she left u… I wish for u tht bebe n’ u will work out too. I suppose what u n’ L had at the time was more or less puppy love… smthg not too serious, but enuf to learn n’ experience. Now tht u hv real-life experience, u can invest it all into bebe 😀

    I agree w/ whoever said tht to u over MSN… u n’ bebe even “look” like a perfect couple! I bet ur kids will be vry cute, I can’t wait to play w/ them xDD I kno tht with how cold bebe is to u smtimes, u feel vry heartbroken, but I think wut she’s doing is juz delaying the inevitable… 遲早 she will fall for u n finally release her luv to u 😆 she juz wants to try to supress it, HAHA. She is a smart girl n’ I’m sure she’s not foolish enuf to give up on this relationship n’ a guy like u leh. There’s not THAT many guys in this world who can treat her the way u do… or like u said, “there’s NO guy in this world who will love bebe like I do” and I believe it!!

    U shld pay attention to #9.. keke… stop trying to win bebe over w/ the way u look 😛 she is not blind to seeing past yur face into who u r. #6 made me giggle, bcoz I can c u trying to ask her things n’ her not answering xDD she’s soooo reserved I think she wuld nvr tell u how to mk her feel better… this u will hv to crack ’bout her, hehe. Good communication is key to feeling sexy for both ppl.. but I do not fear u will nt kno EXACTLY how to please bebe 😉 I can already c her screaming yur name n’ suddenly realizing wut she has been missing out on for so long, kekeke. U always say, the girls who r more shy or pretend to be innocent r always the horniest 1’s 😀 Yur fav rite? LOL!

    Mk sure u dun dream abt bebe too much lately, hehe… I c tht u r all excited over her! Shld I buy u sm condoms coz they’re on sale this wk? I dun want u mk’ing a mess in the morning when u wake up xDD

    • LOL, I don’t need the world or care about the world thinking I’m the most romantic guy, I just need bebe to be convinced of that 😛 Yes, I admit I cannot live without her… and deep down inside, I think I’d hurt myself if she ever left me or I had to give her up. Physical pain is not even close to how much emotional damage does and I’m sure you know that too.. you always wonder and see on the news how silly people are when they slit their wrists or jump off buildings to make pain go away and before you experience emotional anguish, it seems dumb, but once you experience it, you KNOW those feelings are real and that the trauma of losing someone you truly, deeply love can do just THAT much damage.

      Nevertheless, L did leave a hole in me for quite a while, I just couldn’t accept another girl for so many years… here I am, hopefully the one last time I will need to feel pain and be able to cherish someone beautiful that the heavens gave me! Yes, I think bebe and I are at that age where we can be serious not and think not only simply to enjoy THIS moment, but to plan for beautiful future moments as well! Hehe, it’s actually quite amazing how well she can handle her own feelings, it almost seems like she can contort them to be whatever she envisions them to be… but hey, whatever makes her happy right now! I can’t change how she feels about me other than to be me and to “display” myself to her.

      Hah, you’re pretty good at remembering stuff I say, aren’t you? I guess it must be women quality… can you imagine, I once said something to bebe and she brought it up in a conversation a year later, LOL. It’s pretty impressive skills girls have XD It’s true, I love her like no other guy ever would be able to 😀 Because I give her 100% of my heart and not a fraction of a percent less!

      Hai, I want to look good for bebe la, I want to be the boyfriend she wants to show off to all her friends, haha. I don’t care about being the center-of-attention, but I want her friends to be like, “Wow, you chose such a great guy” — and that includes both inside and outside! Perhaps I’m a bit self-conscious about how she views me, but at least we have very 合襯 look eh? HEHE. A good sign is that people don’t assume she’s ‘just a friend’ or ‘my sister’ or something… LOL, people straight out assume we are a couple and that’s cute 😆 I’m not going to lie, I like it when ppl misunderstand that she’s my girlfriend, because I really want her to be one day (soon, please.. hahaha)

      I’m indifferent to whether I can please her, only because she seems like one of those people who aren’t sexually in-touch. Hrm, perhaps, there might be things I don’t know about her that she hides… like if she “spends time with herself alone” – LOL… but I try not to think about that, that’d destroy my image of her, HAHA. She’s going to be a tough cookie to crack and I know you have brought up the scenario where it’s going to be frustrating for me to get her to enjoy that physical and sexual intimacy, but that’s a worry for the future, not really going to invest into this worry now. After all, she just might be like you and go NUTS once she finds out how awesome it is 😀 tsk tsk.. you BAD GIRL, haha. Everyone knows that the most ‘innocent’ girls are usually the horniest ones, who knows what she does behind her door… HAH. If I wanted to buy her a “toy” she might have so many in her drawer already XD

      ARG, what’s with your addiction to condoms? LOL… you seriously love them a lot or something? haha. 😛 I’m not going to make a mess in the morning 😐 I’m not at that age anymore, haha. Although I used to think about bebe a lot during the day, sometimes at night I’d be able to dream about other girls… but now.. BLAH, so frustrating, all I can dream of is her -_-” .. lol, I guess from a girl’s view that’s a good thing that I don’t have other girls on my mind, but at least I used to be able to have some fantasies of OTHER girls at night. Now not only if my mind preoccupied with her during the day, I even have to dream about bebe at night! And no, it’s not those dirty dreams you think of… it’s more of the romantic and sensual-type. Why would I need condoms anyways even if I did make a mess, such a waste, blah. Just do the laundry lah. But that really doesn’t happen, my teenage years are over, hehe, and at most I might wake up ‘excited’ thinking about her, but nothing more. 😀


        KEKEKE… u say ‘excited’ like I dun kno what u mean. Means u wake up n’ there is a big “tent” frum yur 弟弟 being up so early in the morning xDD Is tht wut happens when u dream of bebe at nite? KAKAKAKAKA… ohhh boyy…. is yur face red yet lor? 😆 I dun like condoms rly, I juz like teasing u n’ reminding u of how much u want bebe, haha. U craaveee her, u can’t stop thinking abt her wor, y even deny it? 😛

        When u look at other girls, u can’t even get excited nemore gwa, coz it is not yur one-and-only lover girl, hehehe. Do u keep bebe’s pics at yur bedside n’ stare at them while u r daydreaming? 😀 U shld take a pic of yur room to prove u dun hv bebe’s pics plastered all over the place, haha. So did u ‘update’ the pics in yur office now tht u hv REAL ones with bebe? LOL…

        Dun worri abt bebe… u kno, we c soooo many girls like this in HK n’ even tho I kno she’s not frum HK, she is not “innocent”… LOL! She may even kno more than u do abt sex n’ girls dun even hv to watch porn, we hv special skills, haha. It might nt be U pleasing her, could be her pleasing u more than u culd evr imagine! She might be so good u wun even last… lol, so dun overestimate yurself xDD … n’ also dun underestimate bebe for sure, girls are DANGEROUS, lol… we hide a lot of things we dun let guys kno 😉

        I hate condoms, tht is y birth control is great, so we can get the full feeling 😀

        • Naw, I don’t have sex dreams of bebe that often… Yes yes, I do get excited if I’ve thought about her at night or had dreams about her, but it’s not “messy” -_- Why do you always make me talk about this? LOL. It sounds like you like to fantasize about me being horny? HAHA… Wooowweee, I’m going to get bebe to slap you XD Don’t touch her man! haha. My face doesn’t get red that easily, it’s not really an “embarrassing” thing for me to talk about. I’m a guy and we know that guys get excited easily and that we need to “do” things to get rid of the tension… I’m sure even if I never told bebe, she would’ve guessed it anyways. Like you said, girls aren’t dumb/blind to these things, just some are ok talking about it and others just accept it and don’t talk about it… and bebe is more of the latter 😛 Yes, I crave her and I think about her a lot, but a lot of the times I do, it’s not really sex-related. I find it’s not practical to drool over her every moment I’m awake/sleeping, although I do like to have non-sexual, romantic thoughts!

          I only have 2 pictures of her in my room, I don’t want my room plastered with her pics… lol, it’d just give me WAY too many thoughts if I had too many. Pictures are meant to be cherished. AANNNDD I know exactly what you are thinking and NO, I don’t do that. My room doesn’t change all that much, it’s too small to be moving things around. Yes, I have REAL pics for my office picture frames now ^__^ I’m happy, haha. I actually have more pics of her in my office than in my room, only because I seriously spend more of my day in the office than I do in my own room!

          I don’t spend that much time worrying about that stuff with bebe. First thing first is just to secure her a life here in Canada first, then win her heart over, then we’ll start thinking about other things. If I get ahead of myself, it’s just stupid and crushing. I’m sure she hides lots of things from me, HAHAHAHAHAHA. Sometimes she just makes me worry so much about the direction of our relationship. She says stuff to me that I can’t determine whether I interpert it as being ‘good’ or ‘bad’.. so ambiguous and it totally kills me 😆 Then I sit here reading what she wrote over and over again to see if I can “decode” it and make my worries go away… hai, I’m not sure whether it is her fault or my fault for always reading too much into things, LOL. Why can’t I just be happy? Why can’t she just make me happy XD so I can stop smashing my head against the wall and feeling like my heart is going to jump out every time she says something and I have to worry about it for days, weeks, months.. haha. I guess I can’t blame her, I probably put more pressure on myself, but I know for sure this year supposedly my “lover is supposed to be exerting a lot of relationship pressure on me this year”… but I need to check with Auntie on how accurate that is, because I still need to match my time-of-birth and element, not just depend on “generalized” fortunes. Need my mom to give her my 八字 again… and then it’ll be much more accurate. When bebe and I went up to BB, she saw that this year was supposed to be ‘bad’ for her… and I hope that doesn’t put too much pressure on her, so I definitely have to see what we can do about our 時運 to make sure neither of us to anything stupid to our relationship, haha.

          Urg, birth control… yes, I know that you llloveee having it inside you, lucky Josh… damn bastard 😛

  2. You seem to trust your girlfriend a lot… but from what I’ve read, she’s told you so many things to defer talking to you so often. Are you not afraid she is lying to you or being untruthful… or some people prefer to call it the “half truth”? She should be finding 101 ways to try to contact you and talk to you, regardless of her problems – whether it’d be by phone, text message or even going to the library to write you a message. It just seems like the polite thing to do – to keep in touch even if she’s away.

    Have you thought about trusting her less or not believing in her tales? Do you feel that sometimes you are to trusting of what she says and that you believe she’s constantly busy/unavailable to you? Clearly you place a lot of trust in her, do you think it is valid? It almost seems like she can generate any excuse…. surely she must have SOME way of contacting you other than the internet. Do you ever feel foolish placing so much trust in her?

    – A

    • Yes, I trust her because let me pose a question to you, what else can I do OTHER than to trust her? Whether she is my girlfriend or even just a girl I like – not placing trust in her is like getting on a plane and not believing in your pilot. I already jumped on the plane by committing myself with her, so why should I not trust the pilot (her) if I’m going to get on in the first place? Yes, sometimes I do fear she is lying to me, but at the same time, when you love someone, then you feel compelled to believe them anyways and give them the benefit of the doubt. If she’s going to betray that, I can’t stop her, but in my heart I truly hope/believe she doesn’t lie to me.

      I think everyone tells the half-truth in many scenarios, so that I do not blame her for even IF she did. I think it seems to be embedded in our society where we don’t tell the full truth anyways most of the time, that is unless in those scenarios people are obligated to the law. Sometimes we tell half-truths to save face or to be considerate of someone else… so as long as the situation warrants that, then sometimes it is for the better.

      I agree that she should’ve found any way to contact me, but I also understand text messaging or calling me from so far away is quite expensive. Should she have called/texted me when she had internet problems? Probably. But the unfortunate thing is she doesn’t love me THAT much to do that. It hurt and it was saddening because had it been me, I would’ve paid for the long distance and called her just to let her know I was having issues – but alas.

      The biggest hurt really was when she sent me her flight ticket, she masked the entire address/home phone number portion. To me, that was a bit scary, like she had something to hide from me or that she wasn’t comfortable with me having it. That was very hurtful and bothered me for days… or I should say, it bothers me a bit even now. Just such a small action can reflect so largely on the trust issue – I trust her so much, why does she not? It’s not that if I wanted to find her, I couldn’t, because I could pay a private investigator if I wanted to know everything about her/her family, but that’s besides the point of trusting each other. One time my friend Poh Ching said to call bebe or surprize visit her and I had to shamefully say she never gave me that information and she was like “WTF” – and I thought the same thing as well. Even if I wanted to send her something or needed to contact her, I wouldn’t know how other than the internet and that is downright fucking sad.

      I have thought about trusting her less, but here’s another question… how else will that make things better between us? To be a bigger person, I just have to show that I trust her and give her reasons to trust me and believe in me. If I show LESS trust in her, how does that encourage her to do the same? Have I felt a bit foolish before placing so much trust in her? Yes and no. Yes, because sometimes I feel like I’m getting the shit end of the stick, but no, because it is something I willingly do despite how she hurts me sometimes, because deep down inside I know that there’s more between us than “just friends” and that we CAN and WILL be a successful couple. She has a lot of family and friends back at home and being there for such a short while, I understand she wants to maximize the time she spends with them and enjoys the environment there. Just coming online to say hi to me once in a while already satsifies me because after all, I actually spent very little time keeping in touch with people in Canada when I was in HK, for the same reasons.

    • Onli u can stand her like that =_= I think most guys wuld hv dumped her by now if they got treated like that by bebe. I think I’d punch n’ kick Josh if he dared do wut bebe does to u. Yur so understanding and paitient w/ her… n somehow everytime u get all frustrated n’ angry to me abt wut bebe does to u, rite after u finish venting, yur all happy and smiley n’ forgive bebe already… I thk yur crazie, HAHA!

      • lol, well I’m not going to go hit a girl, that’s just downright wrong – let alone a girl I love 😛 You can hit a guy and that’s totally acceptable in the views of society, HAHA.

        It’s just a reality I accepted when I pursued her, I knew it wouldn’t be easy and I knew it’d take a lot of patience for a girl “new” to love to accept the feelings and obstacles that come with serious relationships. I also knew it wouldn’t be easy to date a girl who did not really have the intentions of staying in a totally different country long-term, but I’m hoping she’ll see that I’m worth staying for and that I’ll make sure she doesn’t feel lonely and ‘without family’ here.. and that it is also not my intention to separate us from our families… I mean after all, I’m ‘away’ from the rest of my family as well, almost just as far for both of us.

        Yes, I’m usually ok once I let my frustrations out and have time to calm down. I can forgive bebe quite easily and I think that’s a great virtue to have for any relationship… if you can’t stand the strengths and flaws of your partner, then that’s going to be a really tough battle. When you can accept that the other person is an individual and has different worries/acceptances, it makes the relationship much smoother!

  3. Dinner in Niagara, you lucky duck!
    Enjoy, and I’ll be waiting for your post!

    • HAHA, well I drove and paid, so not sure how lucky I am. Heck, if you drove and paid, I’m sure you could go to Niagara to watch a show and eat as well.. LOL! 😆

      The new post is up, have fun! I’m going to sleep once I wrap things up. Night.

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