Sucks to be Wrong, but Great to be Loved

Hrm… maybe I should not have used the word “loved” – but hey, it’s much catchier title. Today, talking to my cousin about my many love concerns, his maturity really helped me see things through. I definitely consider my “ways of thinking” to be older than my own age, but it always helps to talk to someone you can truly trust for great advice. I’m an interesting person because I have friends of all ages, all from teenagers all the way to the retiree. Because of that, I make a great social networking (not the Facebook type) because I’m not afraid to reach out to those younger and those older. Although I usually do not burden those around me with my concerns, they are always willing to lend an ear, a hand or whatever help I need whenever I speak up. I’ve talked to handful of people only about my relationship with bebe, because it is complex, sometimes frustrating but then I also go on my very long raves about how amazing of a girl bebe is to me!

Kissing in a beautiful sunset - I can't wait until that's bebe and I!

Kissing in a beautiful sunset - I can't wait until that's bebe and I!

I look bad, thinking about how the past 2 years I’ve known bebe that transpired. Do I regret it? Do I regret reaching out to her in the first place, introducing myself and sending myself into a year of torment and half a year of being ignored – for the sake of the past 4 months of happiness? Do I regret that this will all be a waste of time if things don’t work out? What steps do we take from here? Do I play it nice or do I have to be a rough-guy to get bebe’s attention? All these questions floated in my mind when I talked to my cousin. I think to myself, there is nothing I regret about this relationship. Ask me to re-live it all over again and I would’ve made the same choice, to love bebe like I love her today, even if I have to go through the years of pain. The pain is not over however, as I still struggle every day worrying whether she will stay with me. Every day, I lose a few extra strands of hair over the stress she causes me – but I’d have it no other way. Ask a loving parent if they would still have that naughty child of theirs if they could turn back the hands of time and they will fearlessly say, “Yes I would.” That is the same way I feel about bebe, I will love her until death do us part and I want to take care of her in this lifetime to eternity.

So why does my topic title say, “Sucks to be Wrong, but Great to be Loved” you may ask? It is because as I was reflecting upon everything in our relationship, about me as an individual and about her as an individual, I take time to bring my thoughts together, analyze what she has conveyed and said to me and it makes me very happy. I cannot say that I do not wish more out of this relationship right now, but certainly, we are not moving backwards. Although I’ve briefly mentioned this in comments to one of my best friends on my blog before, I thought about all the things that bebe has pointed out to me – things that I perceive differently or only something that she can point out for me to see. Because we are both different people with a different mindset, sometimes she has to say to me, “You are important to me and I can prove it because…” because not everything, I hold in the same regards as she does or do not place the same value onto it. Let me explain further.

DISCLAIMER: I don't expect sex on the first-date, this pictures is JUST FOR LAUGHS!

DISCLAIMER: I didn't ask bebe for sex on the first-date, this picture is JUST FOR LAUGHS!

On our first date together, she let me into her room. In fact on several occasions, she walked out of her room, leaving me unattended. It truly shows her trust in me, even though our first date, we hardly known each other. Was she not afraid I’d steal something? Was she not afraid I’d leave something bad in her room? On our first date, we also laid next to each other. No one here knows bebe well enough to know that she is a very conservative girl – probably the most innocent girl next to being a nun. To have each other on the same bed (I stress we didn’t DO anything), is a deep sign of comfort. I had “gone further” that day than she had intended and she wasn’t comfortable with it. I held her hand and even her shoulders when we went out, she didn’t lash back. Later, she was honest with me that she was uncomfortable we did that on a first date (even though I had felt comfortable in doing so). To not make the situation awkward, she didn’t express it to me at that time. This shows the respect she had for me to have considered my feelings. Up to today, she’s given me second chances… in fact, LOTS of chances for us to rekindle our relationship and not have sought another guy, that shows lots of loyalty. Last but not least, recently she’s expressed a lot of things she’s been doing all along on our behalf – to make this relationship work. We have known each other for a long time, lots of downs and lots of ups… but the weird feelings she has not ever been able to express, she’s trying to fight it down and has put forth much effort because whether it shows or not, I am “someone special” to her. To me, this is above and beyond commitment.

Lets look back at everything I’ve highlighted in red. Trust, comfort, honest(y), respect, loyalty and commitment. These things are the core principle of any outstanding relationship. While bebe and I have many steps to take together, I feel so positive about it, more so than ever before. The difference with this time around, even SHE believes we can do it. Before, it was all optimism on my part (as far as I knew, I could be wrong) that my love will help light the path for her… but now, even she’s beginning to crawl towards this glorious path we have yet to walk together on. Although her feelings for me are still buried deep down within, she is willing to bring herself to draw those positive feelings out for me and that she can play a big role in moving this relationship in the right direction. I am touched and honoured, to have met her and to be given a chance with her. I am blessed that I will one day be able to “officially” call her my girlfriend, my wife and the mother to our children. Combine all those values stated above and we know that by no means is this not a sign of love, whether we’d like to believe it or not. The proof is in our worldly history, omnia vincit amor a Latin phrase from Eclogue X by Virgil – love conquers all.

Artist Caravaggio: 1601–1602 (Oil on Canvas) |Amor Vincit Omnia|

Artist Caravaggio: 1601–1602 (Oil on Canvas) |Amor Vincit Omnia|

The reason why it is so important to reflect upon things in life is you find yourself transcending above what normally passes through your mind. Also, it allows your mind to set into place of someone else. Bebe and I are individuals, we do not see things alike and therefore, what she holds in great value, she has to point out for me to understand. Likewise, certain gestures and things I do for her from my heart, sometimes she does not always see and I have to point it out to her that to me, such an action is of great importance or represents something that I do only for her. We both put innumerable and indescribable effort towards this relationships – most of which the other side is blind to seeing. I cannot even describe all the things I do for her to win her over and likewise, I cannot fathom what she has to go through to bring herself to a level of comfort to accept me. We both have our faults, faults – not as in blame – but faults, as in our inability to express the struggles that we BOTH put ourselves through… and for what? For the sake of each other! Still, what does this all have to do with my blog entry title? It is because it sucks to be wrong that I complain about bebe not putting in effort or seemingly blame her for not showing that I am someone special in her life. As much as I dislike being wrong in life (as much as it happens), this is one of those situations that I’d much rather be loved and be wrong.

She puts into perspective that if I’m truly not “someone special” to her… she would not have even bothered going this far for us. She could very well pack up, leave and have her “old life” back – something which as much as our relationship is strengthening, still a very worrying factor. She is letting me take her out of dates and regularly keeping in touch in an attempt to open the doors of communication to each other – that is something she repealed for a year until she felt like she could partially accept me in her life. By bebe making that step to talk to me again, she sealed the fate of my happiness and also gave HERSELF a second chance at having a guy who’s willing to love her 101% – which is not just what “any guy” can give her, THAT of which I am certain (yes yes, I can have quite the self-confidence sometimes). Now constantly, she is making great strides into bringing me from “someone important” to “someone she cannot live without” and that is an ABSOLUTE BLESSING for me. I cannot even convey in words, how much her actions mean to me. Someone on my blog said to me that it seems like I’m more unhappy with bebe, rather than being more happy with her. I replied saying that really, only the two people IN the relationship truly knows what it feels. I can only speak for myself, but without a doubt I am happy with her and count the day I have met her to be the most wonderful day of my life. A lot of people count their wedding or when they have their first child as the best day ever… but I’m realistic and consider that the day we met IS the day that I will cherish forever because without that day, the “best day ever” of being married or having children would all be impossible.

It is imperative that bebe and I continue to have the drive to move this relationship forward. Once we hit that point where we are comfortable enough to let things go on “auto drive” – then we know that nothing else could possibly go wrong. We have been through so much with each other that I think that hardly anything in the future would be as great as an obstacle as this. The good thing is that once bebe knows that I am ‘the one’ and that she can settle with me, things will simply fall into place and we don’t need to suffer through the latter trials which other couples endure. I suppose I’d much rather “suffer now” – than “suffer later”… and suffer I have already, LOL! I feel very lucky to be that ‘someone special’ for bebe… I just hope that soon, we can get rid of that love-sucking monster that’s inside of her so that she can EXPRESS that love to me and that finally, she can fully absorb the love I want to give her!

Although I had thought that love is an definitive moment of an accomplishment and that when bebe one day utters the words, “I love you” to me that it would be THE everlasting dream… all of a sudden, I realize that as my love grows for her each and everyday, that it is not about waiting for the final outcome, but that as a well known quote said, “Love is a journey, not a destination.” Although bebe doesn’t quite love me today or tomorrow, she will one day and her love for me will grow just like mine has for her, we will look back and remember how we got to that very day and that the journey we took to get there!

Every time I go to the temple to pray, I ask the heavens to bless bebe and I…
百年好合, 白头偕老, 早生贵子 and of course most importantly, 永结同心!

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About Prexus Swyftwynd

Probably not a good idea for you to know anything about me....

Posted on March 16, 2011, in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Guuuud mooorrninngg… well to me at least xDD Did u finish dinner yet? I was thinking abt catching u b4 u were going to eat n’ b4 I got to head out for work. That’s nt the particular reason I woke up early, juz was thinking abt how u were doing lately with all that’s been going on n’ stuff… so ya, let me know jeh. If yur hiding on Skype, poke me.. if nt, no big deal, I will post n’ stuff later.

    So wkend is cm’ing now ^__^ So wt u n’ bebe hv planned or nethg at all? It’s been a whole wk since she’s seen u so she must want to c u soon 😀 Start missing u, u kno? HEHEHE… U two shuld ditch the car smtime n’ then go n’ tk the train or smthg together 😛 That’ll give more time to talk since u try to concentrate on driving n’ talking at the same time. I juz checked ur weather today, so nice wah! I miss it… it’s FREEZING here n’ I thk my body no longer is used to the cold… It ‘feels’ like Canadian winter to me here now, even tho it is so much warmer, lol… too bad, climatization got tme!

    Newayz, let me kno how thigns r with mommy n’ bebe 😀

    • Heh, morning babe. Finished dinner… auntie came over, so I had to help her with some computer stuff. Dinner is done, I had it fairly early today after I got home from work. Sorry that I missed you on Skype, guess you are at work already! I’m surprized to see you up so early, you’re like bebe and want to squeeze every moment out of your sleep 😆

      It has been a down day today… bebe woke up and told me she wasn’t in the mood to talk today. I think that’s not a huge issue, had we been over-talking or something, but she’s been at her friend’s place for an entire week already, trade about 4-5 messages for a few days here-and-there, so it’s not like I’m bugging her a lot or something. I hope it’s not something I’ve done because I haven’t even said much to her, so I can’t imagine myself saying something wrong. Then again, who knows.. girls are m si faa, luk si bin – LOL. It’s not so much that it’s a problem for me she’s not ‘in the mood’ as long as she’s not NOT in the mood because of me, haha… so confusing lor.

      I just don’t get though how she can be so quiet to me for the past few days and still not be in the mood to talk… BUT at least she tells me so, rather than ignoring me… although she did ignore my later message asking her if something was wrong and she just decided not to answer that -_-” bleh. I guess I can never get a 100% answer from her, but whatever, maybe something happened at her friends place she’s not too happy about or something I don’t know about so I should not be judging. I’m more WORRIED over what’s wrong rather than just the fact she’s not in the mood.

      I’m just a bit down from that today, not sure why I feel so negatively toward this even though she may just not be up to the mood, but I’m just concerned as to why… For all I know, might not have anything to do with me, lol… but even so, not replying to my regards/asking about what’s wrong kind of hurt – but if she’s really not in the mood to talk, she’s not and I think that’s better than her blowing up on me or something. Just sometimes, I don’t know… it’s like we always said from the start, let’s talk about everything – we need to be able to discuss things, but it seems like she holds a lot back. She said herself that keeping reserved about what she tells me is a way for her to feel comfortable and THEN feel that it’s easier to LET me know things… but I dunno. I was about to check whether she’s talking to her friends or whatever even though she said she wasn’t in the mood to talk – but I didn’t want to go down that route. I need to be calm, rational, non-judgmental and I need to get over the fact I should not need to be checking up on her… after all, we are two MATURE adults right? (Hopefully BOTH of us..). I was this close to checking… but resisted the temptation, because if she was talking to her friends and not me, that would’ve made me cringe… so best not to know. On top of that, I need to love her by trusting her and by giving her that space she needs, even if it means sacrificing what I want… that IS what a relationship is about right? To sustain it, sometimes you have to be willing to put your own wants aside.

      As of now, no plans because bebe wasn’t in the mood to talk today. I guess when she comes home is dependent on when her friend’s dad is back or whenever she decides to leave, LOL. I suppose I have to work my way into her life, because her comfort level and desire to be with her friends (which is the same desire she should have to see me and spend longer time together) still greatly exceeds mine. I’m certainly all for her to continue spending time with her friends, I’m not saying because she becomes attached she needs to lose her friends, but I hope I get that treatment where she can “stand me” as long as she can with her friends. The thing about it is I was rather happy to hear that last week she said she’s rather happy spending time at home lately so she doesn’t have the allure to go out to see her friends as much. I hope everything is ok with bebe, because she didn’t tell me what was up or if there was something in particular that happened that set her out of the talking mood. I hope she’ll tell me if there’s something wrong so I can be there for her to help!

      All I did today was study and play some games… I wasn’t in the best-of-moods. Guess I’m just a bit cranky and I just went out with Frankie for a bit to do some shooting. I needed something to get my mind off worrying too much and fretting over something that might be just a day-thing for her. I got BITS of the stress off my chest as you can tell from my accuracy that my anger is all released, lol.

      Very proud of it, given how long I haven’t shot for 😛 I had to amplify the markings a bit, that’s why the colour is all darkened. It was just great to get out, fire off some rounds, people able to bitch about our problems, lay back and shooting actually allows my mind to focus and concentrate. I’m going to have to get myself more targets, I’m actually running out! If I was any angrier, I probably would’ve aimed for the head instead, LOL… but I haven’t shot for so long that I figured I’d make an ass of myself if I missed every shot or got sloppy trying to aim for the head. The new gun is GREAT, I love it… have to train more on it so I get the feel of it, it’s very different than all the previous ones I had. Having good accuracy makes me proud and feel safe 😄

      Won’t know anything until Monday… but she’s fairing well this week. No more panic-attacks and she’s much calmer about the situation.

      • Wow X_x almost all landed within the “5” n’ onli a few arnd the 4’s… I guess it mebe no guy will evr dare go near bebe or try to steal her frm u… or even if they try, probably won’t live vry long xDD U handle tht gun like a pro, haha… dun c y u did not get a firearm-handling job 😛 Mebe u shld get an official license n’ then get one of those huge guns u alwayz wanted, kakaka. U wuld look like such a hot ‘bad boy’ 😛 So YING lor.

        Nt nice of her to ignore u like tht… but I c u r trying hard not to check wt she is doing… I kno it’s hard to resist the urge when u want to kno whether she is talking to her frds n use “not in the mood” as an excuse nt to talk to u. But like u said, trust trust trust… I think u r rite on how u want to approach this. If she’s being a gd girl n’ talking to u n’ following-through w/ things, u will begin to “let down ur guard” n’ stop monitoring wt she does… n’ if she abuses ur trust n’ confidence in her to check again. I suppose there is no true privacy nemore on the internet, so wt u do, sm1 will alwayz kno. I think u once told me, “on the internet, there is no such thing as a secret” n’ now I’m starting to believe it 😆

        Either way, as long as she treats u nicely, dun check up on her too much ^__^ If she be gd girl, u b gd boy too rite? 😛 I think it’s vry fair, haha.

        So u gonna drive ur mom n’ stuff for Mon/Tues? Hope tht u r still keeping ur health in gd condition. Ur mom and bebe depend on u to be well! Dun forget ur not living just for urself nemore n’ now u hv responsibilities.. BIG ones 😀 I had a dream the other nite abt attending ur wedding with bebe, so I hope it happens soon, kakaka. Next thing u kno, her stomach will be bigger than urs with yur kiddies inside xDD

        Time to get dressed n’ go out. Dun forget… or wait, u nvr forget.. lol, period shld start soon 😀

        • Well, I shoot for fun, not to hurt/kill anyone. If anything, I’d use it for self-defense, but would not be the aggressor. For the most part, weapon-owners enjoy it as a hobby or use it to legally hunt, not to threaten people. I would hope that guys staying away from bebe would be because bebe rejects them and keeps a distance, not because I have to be protective of her all the time. Right now, I figured if she had a guy within the group of friends she liked, she would have already tried to be with them. I know that sometimes feelings develop over time, but I’m hoping she develops them with me, not with some other guy. If I really felt in the position where I felt threatened by some guy about stealing bebe away from me, then I would do something about it, but I would not think about shooting him or anything like that – that’s rather extreme. If it really did come down to it, I pay people to do dirty work anyways, don’t want to get anything on my hands 😛 Bebe and I should feel secure enough in our relationship where we should not need to worry about someone else stealing each other, because we know where our hearts are placed.

          I just bought a new hip-holster too… waiting for it to arrive. I’ll take a picture for you when I get it, lol. I have to redo the belt straps because last time bebe wore it, I had to make it a lot tighter 😆 she’s like half my size. I’ve already let down my guard for a week, haven’t checked on her much other than exchange a few words with her over Whatsapp. I found that when she was out with her friends in Mississauga, she kept better contact with me than this friend in WL. I’m not sure why… maybe she’s more “excitable” out there? She told me that apparently something happened to her friend and she doesn’t want to talk about it since it is her friend’s personal matters and I’m good with that… but it seems like it’s taking a toll on her as well, and I don’t like that.

          So when I asked her if we’d do something, she pretty much said if she ‘had time for me’ then we’d do something. I make time in my life for her, not just act like if I have ‘time to spare’ that I can devote a bit of it to her. I’m not sure what has happened at her friend’s place that seems to hit her pretty hard and I certainly hope bebe’s only being cold right now because of what happened and not because her friend might have tried to talk her out of our relationship. From the sounds of it, her Mississauga friends are more positive about us being together – sometimes I wish I had ears everywhere, lol. I should not be blaming her friend for trying to pull us apart though since I don’t have ANY idea what happened and it’d be totally wrong of me to assume things. I should imagine though if bebe’s friends are genuine that they would not do something like this to separate us.

          Why do I think all this crap all the time? I just hate it, because I only think of this shit when bebe’s cold with me. When she’s not and I feel all warm-and-fuzzy from her, I never worry about what her and her friends are doing. Maybe she should be out in Mississauga… at least we regularly keep in contact there and before/after she goes out, at least she tells me about it and seems so much more… content. Do I read too much into her tone? I mean throughout the messages we exchanged, she had a lot laughing-upbeatness, but I can’t decode it. I suppose that’s the failure-point of text is you can’t read any of the hidden signals or her tone. I can’t tell if she’s happy or unhappy while she’s staying at her friends place. I want to comfort her or say something nice, but because I don’t know what happened, I can’t… or even say something right (because the worst thing is saying something wrong, eep). At the same time, I’m frustrated that while she’s at this friend’s place, she keeps in LESS contact with me than the ones out in Mississauga.

          Yes, I promised myself that if she’s a good girl, I will be a good boy too and not do those things. I stick to my word, that I’m sure of. It has been a week since I’ve seen her, so now I’m starting to get edgey. Maybe it’s just the way she said it rather than what she meant. I mean she did tell me to go make plans with my family and friends, which is nice and considerate of my time so I don’t waste it… but ugh, I just wish she’d WANT to come back into town to see me, versus just having a floating schedule. I wish that paperwork took longer to complete because now she has ‘nothing to rush’… But anyways, it’s probably not a very good idea for me to start getting dark and getting jealous over her friends. I just have to rationalize and tell myself that she’s known these girls a lot longer than me, and have developed a much closer relationship with them. However, if she wants to develop that same close-feeling with me (heck, she either saw her ‘group’ in class or lived in the same res every day…), she needs to SPEND more time with me to develop it, because that’s how she developed the closeness with those – by seeing them often and being comfortable around them. The longer the gaps she spends away from me, the fire starts to cool down and that’s downright pissing me off.

          Ok, I better stop this reply now before I start thinking more stuff… because I never even thought of half of this stuff before replying to you. It’s not your fault babe, I’m just getting antsy about how cold she has been ever since she went to see this friend of hers.

          Yes yes, her stomach will be bigger than mine, lol. Did you say kiddies? HAHA… 2-3 at once? Oh god, I can’t imagine how much that will cost, lol. I think I have enough money to take care of mom, her and TWO at most right now… I have to wait for my next raise this September before I can afford that third child 😀 I actually gained a pound for some reason… might be all the stress this week with mom’s stuff and with her… stress-weight-gain is BAD.

          Of course I won’t forget your period is coming, my calendar just reminded me 😛

  2. Mebe she cares more abt u than u thk or tht she actually doesn’t realize either. I’m sure altho upfront she is not vry touchy-feelie or wtevr w/ u, deep down she wants to open her world up to u.. juz like how u want to touch her in vry special wayz. Ur rite in tht there shld be total trust in the relationship, u shld not need to concern with either side losing each other… but I think particularly for u, no other girl in the world wuld be able to win ur luv like bebe wuld 😆

    For sure, ppl who use their guns to hurt or kill ppl give those who own one responsibly, a bad name! It is juz like those who hv cough medicine to cure a cough n’ those who hv cough medicine to get high! I’m sure bebe will be happy to kno ur willing to give up shooting n’ ur guns for her when u two decide to move-in together. I kno ur mom is alwayz bugging u kno n’ saying tht u will want to get a house with bebe, tht is so cute xDD I hope u two will b able to find a place ‘in between’ so u dun hv to go so far to work. It is a LONG drive from Mississauga if u two move there… then ur drive will be almost as bad as ur boss! For sure u’ll need to use 407 or smthg. If u get a place smwhere close to Mississauga but also close to work, it will be fair for both of u… u two can still keep ur frds close on both sides of town!

    GO GO GO, 5 kiddies at once xDD hahaha… ur super sperm n’ bebe’s super egg.. mk lots of kids at once, LOL… at least she onli needs to go into labour ONCE 😀

    Dun stress la, I will pray for u n’ bebe to hurry up n’ c each other 😛

    • We all have our own ways of expressing importance and feel. To me, I’m more of the touchy-feelie type, but she’s more of the “just keep it in my heart about how I feel about you” type. I think I need to be content and stop bugging her because I think I’m creating that negativity within her, making her feel like she’s “not achieving” – that’s a terrible thing for me to do. I was talking with her today and I accidentally ticked one of her annoyances with me and got in trouble. I probably should not mention things like that to her where I appear to be conveying that she’s not doing enough – but I was not wanting to seem like I was being ungrateful or “against” her or anything.. I may have unfortunately came off like that without intent. Sometimes I ask because I want a “checkpoint” of how we’re doing, versus making it seem like I’m asking for more.

      Mom was just mentioning it today again, haha. She was like, “I hope your house together will be bigger than the one we have now.. we keep running out of space for things” LOL! Ai, who knows about the future leh, I just want a sure-footing with bebe first… and like she said, she’ll wait until we’re “steady” before we start meeting each others family/friends and start future-planning. I’m sure in the back of our minds, we have “desires” and what we want, but it’s not realistically applicable until we get to that point. I’d love to imagine a grand future with her, but I’d like to get some ‘security’ first before I can fully believe in it, because sometimes I feel that dark pang within me and the same cannot-breathe pains every once in a while when we get into disagreements or when she seems not very happy with the way things are going. I ought to keep my prodding/poking to a minimum because as much as my ex’s liked the “jabbing and joking around” type of things, bebe doesn’t appreciate that very much. Either that, or maybe I come off as too-serious of a person that she can’t feel when I am joking.

      5?!!! LOL… super sperm and super egg… only you can come up with something like that 😆

      • I kno u must b worried tht bebe might just ‘disappear’ on u again, but rmbr tht bebe after all this time is much more mature now. I’m sure she will not leave u juz on the account of wt happened last night! We all mk mistakes n’ ALL couples get into arguements. Juz try nt to read so much into her tones so negatively as if she’s giving up, juz read into her tone that she is still continuing to let u please her n’ perhaps one day she can accept u. U cannot overanalyze thgs coz tht juz mks thgs even MORE complicated n’ then u start worrying for no reason.

        Sure, u 2 got into an argument, she didn’t talk to u for the night so she culd let her mind n’ frustration settle, she will b up n’ going again 2day, no biggie la. Juz stay calm otherwise u risk doin’ smthg tht may jepordize thgs even more. U read all those relationship articles n’ u kno tht it’s good to give each other space after smthg like tht so both sides hv time to think it thru n’ by the next day, ur bk to normal. Let ur heart calm down coz it’s nt good for u when u alwayz worry abt her disappearing! All ur illnesses will cm bk if u do it. Everytime u feel tht panic, juz tk a deep breath. Rmbr if u dun live long, it makes wanting to tk care of bebe a moot point if u juz die 😛

        • Ya la.. I followed my logic this time and just not said anything to her. I waited for her to approach me because she told me that she didn’t feel like talking, so I didn’t want to reply and then maybe say something I shouldn’t or bother her when she’s not in the mood. It’s not that I “expect her to come to me” but it’s better than me approaching her when she’s not ready to talk yet. At least if she comes to me, I’ll know that she’s “ready” again.

          Ya, I realize if I die, there’s no one to take care of bebe or mom… haha.

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