The Typical Date… Almost!

So another great date-night… isn’t it a great trend lately that I’ve been having great days? Life is starting to really become enjoyable. I mean look back at the history of my blog and you will see much depression and anxiety… often mixing in with frustration and anger. Today was a beautiful night with many reasons making it so. Today, bebe and I decided to do a “typical date” night.. you know, the whole ‘dinner and a movie’ thing – LOL. As long as we have been dating, we have not done this before, so it was a nice experience. We’ve always found very abstract things to do with each other, but a movie just “never came to mind” – or I should correctly say, it never came to my mind since I’m not a movie goer (but a movie WATCHER), but I see why it’s so enjoyable now. Suffice to say, watching inside a cinema is definitely more expensive than at home, but hey, once in a while it’s ok. Like I said, I want our dating to be “balanced” and “reasonable”… i.e going out all the time would become a burden, so being able to do stuff around the house is nice as well. If it was expected that every date is a dinner + activity + movie, then it’d get rather pricey… not that I wouldn’t be willing, but then I’d certainly have to cut back elsewhere.

Anyways, we watched BEASTLY [Starring Alex Pettyfer, Vanessa Hudgens and Mary-Kate Olsen]… not a bad movie and although I would not say “wow” I wouldn’t say “nay” either… rather indifferent. That’s not to say bebe didn’t choose a good movie, because it was probably already one of the better one of all the ones we could’ve chosen from. Again, I tried asking bebe if she wants to hold hands during the movie… and still, no go. I had thought maybe she wanted to do a movie with me (it was her suggestion) as a “signal” that perhaps she is ready for some physical intimacy, but alas I lied to myself once again. I wasn’t upset… because I’ve kind of hit that point where I just feel that each time is a ‘chance’ and an opportunity for me to ask. Back a while ago, I would get frustrated every time bebe “rejected” me… but now, every time is a brand new chance and because I know bebe isn’t the type of girl to take initiative. I know I will have to continually ‘ask’ and one time succeed, but she would definitely not be the one to ask ME if I wanted to hold her hands or for her to offer. I can definitely see my level and tolerance and patience beginning to change to accommodate to her more resistant levels of intimacy. It’s a very sweet thing that I even see myself changing and growing “for” her. Had it been a month ago, I would’ve been very hurt, angry and it would kind of ruin my night. Now, I just accept it and think that, “next time will be another chance until she says yes!” – perhaps sad self-encouragement, but better than beating my self-confidence up over it.

During the movie, I did spot her body language… she sat “more to the left” when I was on the right-hand side. I’m not sure whether it’s just naturally her to shift to one side, I haven’t sat in a chair next to her enough to judge, or whether she’s implying she wants to “keep a distance.” Suffice to say, it took some time during the movie before I even mustered up the courage to ask her. When she shook her head, I felt kind of dejected… but hey, it has been THIS long already, what’s one more time? 🙄 Then about 10 minutes later, she tapped me and for a moment, my heart was really happy thinking that she finally changed her mind or felt that “spark”… but nope, once again… it was just because she wanted me to shuffle in so she could go to the washroom -__-” At that point I just gave up and didn’t want to affect the night by putting too much pressure. Many people often wonder why I ask, because it is always kind of weird… because usually things like that, holding hands, touching shoulders, embracing hugs and the surprize kiss is usually just something that “happens” and most people don’t ask for permission or anything. Indeed, it would give bebe less time to react and I would actually be able to pull it off, but that’s not the point. The point is, even something as simple as holding hands, is very akin to having sex. You do something, because you FEEL and WANT to… I want bebe to feel and want to hold my hands, not a matter of obligation or pressure. It’s kind of like having “loveless” sex (I’m sure plenty will disagree with me here, but this is MY stance)… sure, you have it and possibly even have an orgasm, but in the end, it has no meaning. I could grab her hands, hold it and she may let me without making a fuss, but if neither of us feels that “connection” – then it is a meaningless to hold hands. I want to always give bebe that opportunity to accept and that’s why I keep asking, so she feels like she doesn’t have to be the one to “take the step” – but at the same time, I also want to wait until she’s ready – and thus, I feel that meaningless hand-holding is like having sex with a stranger who you have no feelings for.

I know bebe could tell that I wasn’t thrilled about her not accepting, which wasn’t a huge “problem” for me… I’ve already been a failure this many times right? I don’t blame her, I blame myself… what kind of terrible boyfriend am I who can’t make his girlfriend “feel” like holding his hand? But anyways, bebe’s getting much better at reading me now, which is really nice. After we got back into the foyer of the cinema, I found a little arcade center there so I went in and took a look. She snuck up on me while I was reading the “instructions” on one of the games. I’m not sure whether she meant to or not… but she gave me this light little touch/put her hands on my wrist… I’m not sure if that meant anything, but it certainly made me happy. It didn’t go any further than that and she only did it for less than a second, so I’m not sure whether she pulled away because it was “an accident” she held me like that or whether it truly was something from within her.

Oh right… how did I even skip this far anyways? LOL… so before we went to the cinema, backtracking a bit, we went to a “jok fun mien fan” place… (Congee, Dough-Noodles, Noodles and Rice)… Hong-Kong style Chinese eatery. Bebe and I had some really interesting conversations and more importantly, they were very relaxed and close. The attentiveness to each other was high and we truly connected in those conversations together. The conversations weren’t even so much about “each other” – but just the fact the topics brought us together. Furthermore, we both got to learn stuff about each other and shared a bit of our history and stuff. The important part was there were lots of revelations about each other, so it was a very successful and informative dinner. I could tell that bebe was more “engaged” and also feeling very comfortable/open. Although having dated bebe for this long, I still get the ‘pre-date jitters’… even the hour before leaving the house, I keep on thinking, “oh, what are we going to talk about?” and try to think of topics… but it’s like whenever we get together, the topics just come naturally. It’s so beautiful 🙂

So I “formally” met one of her friends today… well, formal may not be the perfect expression, but more or less I got to meet one of her friends, was introduced and was not “an accident” like the prior time I met her friends. Definitely a nice girl and I’d for sure want to get to know her better, but I’m sure it’ll take a while to break the ice too. I was cautious this time because bebe had told me her friend is rather shy and that I should be careful about being too aggressive (conversationally) with her. Being an avid person who likes to “read body language” – I could tell her friend wasn’t ready to have rapid-conversation with me yet, so I kind of spoke to her on an as-needed basis and whenever I did, I also “included” bebe in the conversation so she would feel more comfortable communicating with me. All-in-all, I’m not sure what kind of “impression” I made on her friend, but at least I didn’t screw anything up. I kind of think how much it sucks that the reason why I even got to meet one of bebe’s friends was because I offered to fix her computer, but hey, at least I got to meet one… although I wish it was on a less “official” or “business-like” matter. Go figure that when I was introduced, she didn’t give me a title… haha.

So I dropped them off and called it a night. Her friend was definitely “smart” about it… she walked ahead in case bebe and I wanted to ‘do’ anything (ya right, I wish…. no goodnight kiss as usual) and to give us some privacy. I already knew at the start of the night that if bebe and her friend leaves together, she will not likely give me a hug. Still, every time I leave her I only get a hug if I ask for one, she never offers… in fact, we should not only be hugging when we part, but even when we first see each other and throughout the time we spend together. Intimacy should not only be for “occasion” or an “event” during the day. But anyways, yes, I realized if I was dropping them off, bebe would likely be “too embarrassed” (yes, because I am an embarrassment of a boyfriend) to give me a hug with her friend present, so I had already expected it. However, oddly enough, she stopped as she was about to close the door, turned around and gave me some parting words for the night. They were genuine, nice and made me feel good – perhaps I guess she knew I was waiting for my hug which I was clearly not getting, so decided to at least say a few things to me… The smile on her face… was amazingly warm and felt like she was “reaching out” to me, knowing that I wanted something that she wasn’t ready to give in the presence of her friends (which I suppose I expected/understood). Something about that smile of hers though… her smiles have always touched me before, but never like this… it was so gentle, as if we are finally “connecting” with each other profoundly.

Bebe and I are starting to become more and more like a couple, I can feel it and I can tell that comfort-level is growing between us. Though we are far from intimacy or even simple physical contact, I know that she’s definitely trying her hardest and that I am trying to do my best to be “Mr. Right” for her. Although there are times I wonder how it’s acceptable for her to want ME to change, but not to change for me, I guess she has it right when it comes down to the fact that she’s making much effort for herself to “feel” for me and that in itself is ‘changing’ her… I suppose people may REALLY chastise me for my “one-track mind” in always expecting my favourite type of information from her, so I’m just going to shut-up about it. To me, her telling me that stuff isn’t just simply satisfying curiosity, but a sign of comfort and acceptance. Until she’s ready to tell me more about that stuff, I still sometimes feel that pang. At the same time, I feel honoured and very special that she at least discusses SOME with me, so I should always bite my tongue and not complain. Maybe one day, just one day soon, she’ll whisper in my ears, “I’m on right now” and smile at me 😀 That would make everything great! See… maybe I lie and sometimes I do have a dirty little mind, but at least I’m honest about it. I can’t deny my “passion” for that stuff, but also, because bebe has been very generous to accepting my ‘flaw’ of loving menstruation. I wish I could stop using this as a “determiner” – because it’s not fair that I use this to judge her comfort with me – although she has admitted that night when I mentioned periods that she told me not to push back down her comfort with me which was a bit crushing/disappointing, but whatever, she DOES have a point which I can’t deny.

It has been a wonderful night we had and although I did not accomplish much in terms of making a “great” impression on her friend, at least I did get to finally meet one ‘officially’ and more importantly, tonight I could truly feel that “couples feeling” when bebe and I were together. More importantly as well was I also got to see how bebe is like when she’s with her friends and it’s WONDERFUL — because I need her friends to bring out that carefree and relaxed girl that bebe can only be when she’s around her friends. I suppose it gives me a BIT of jealousy that her friends can bring that happiness out of her while I can’t, but I’m sure it’ll come in due time! All that matters for now is we’re actually taking steps in stride now, rather than going backwards. I should not make this whole period-information thing a big deal (but can’t deny it makes me feel NICE when she does tell me things), because I always tell her to learn to appreciate me for who I am/what I do/that I’m around… I should heed my own words and be grateful for her as well, she is a BLESSING to me.

Still no hand-holding or a passionate kiss yet… but one day… one day soon – because I believe we can make it!

About Prexus Swyftwynd

Probably not a good idea for you to know anything about me....

Posted on April 3, 2011, in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. ^^ Happy u is gd for evry1 😆 I like it too when I get to c u talking abt how great things r going n’ onli hope they get EVEN BETTER.

    I juz got bk from my business trip.. vry fun, got to go swimming, massage n’ facial… all on company money xDD kekeke. U r super accurate… my period came the day u expected 😐 Gd thing u reminded me to bring tampons along or else I’d hv to buy them from the store… n’ it’s super expensive there coz it’s nt widely used and I guess they sell onli to those desperate or tourists who only use them. I made sure I saved enuf onli to use them when I wanted to go swimming.. pretty much changed bk to pads whenever I wuz out of the water leh.

    Movies r good… altho def more expensive in Canada, but there’s nothing u wuldn’t do for bebe rite? 😛 I’m glad to hear u enjoyed n’ altho still nthg cute happened, I bet she felt u were vry sweet. U kno, girls respect guys vry much for those who have self-restraint n’ know when to nt cross-the-lines. U may think tht by nt being able to hold her hands tht it means she does nt show respect for u or she might still be ‘rejecting’… in girls mind, u r a MAN 4 being regarding of our feelings. In the end, she may give u more than u expected 😉 Wt guys do n’ how u treat us reali goes a long way n’ altho mite not pay off rite away, trust me, it will 😀

    Kekeke… bebe probably has no need to ‘introduce u’ by title coz I’m sure all her girl-frds already know wt ur ‘relationship’ is… If u think abt her “close” bunch of frds here… even tho u only met ONE now, tht is probably already 20% of the most important ppl she has here in Canada already!! Even tho u may feel ur offer to fix the comp is juz an excuse to c her frd, she probably juz doesn’t want to be TOO outright n’ set up smthg too formal n’ this way, she can “judge” u based on ur performance with ONE frd xDD

    Awwhh… u two r so cute together la. Where’d u find such a funny comic newayz? 😆

    • A happy me is good for everyone indeed… lol, an angry me is like a short fuse, HAHA. Bebe and I happened to talk about “moods” the other time and I think to a degree, everyone has moods and moods affect everyone in one way or another. I try to control my mood and although there are times when I’ve been upset with things that have happened, I try not to let it seep too much. I try not to bring stuff “from home” or “from work” in either direction. Likewise, I try to control myself in front of bebe even when she does something that I don’t approve of but I’m not going to start yelling at her in public or act-up on the account of it. Letting moods affect you too much is immature and not what a person of good-character does. I would like to hope I know when/where to make a statement about something and not always do it at the moment or even if I do, I’ll contain it of sorts.

      I’m glad I was “right” lol… I think I’ve tracked your period for so long that I’ve been able to even account for your period variations… but this isn’t just “my” success… your BODY which is successful as well for being so accurate 😆 Bebe’s period seems to be pretty accurate too, so that’s good. So tell me about how your period went then ^^ and ya, some countries aren’t very “tampon friendly” so expect to pay lots IF you can even find them to begin with… What about the washrooms though, those pad/tampon dispensers if things got bad?

      I went on eBay last night to bid on movie coupons and stuff because if we’re going to do that more often, we should at least be diligent about trying to save money where we can. After all, if we go for dinner or whatever before/after the show, THAT costs money too, so whatever we can save on the movie tickets, we should. I’m not necessarily cheap, but I also like to be a smart spender. Money is hard to earn, easy to spend 😀 You know, B was telling me the same thing the other day. She asked “how far” bebe and I have gone and I told her not much… and she asked if I ever pressured her and I told her no (for sex I mean). She’s like, “Wow, you know that goes a long way with girls that you show respect for her body and feelings.” and even said that when she had sex for the first time, it was just out of “pressure” from her boyfriend. She said pretty much the same thing you did, in the end, bebe will view me as a ‘better person’ and treat me more positively for giving her the ‘growing space’ she needs in this relationship. I’m not sure whether bebe does respect me more for not placing pressure on her to ‘advance’ or whether she just thinks I’m dumb, HAH. I’m surprized B of all girls would be so easily pressured into giving up her virginity like that… I guess at some point you just ‘feel’ you should give it up to your boyfriend. At least they were dating for a year before that happened, unlike girls now who lose it in the first one-week of a relationship -_-”

      When girls say that, “You look different than last time?” mean that you’ve grown fatter and uglier? LOL…. Bebe and I are definitely a good couple, we have the dynamics and the spark – just that bebe has to be in a good mood when she treats me right, haha. I hate being the guy that has to suck-it-up when she has a bad mood, especially when I’m not the one causing it 😛 I should only have to face up to her bad mood when it’s MY fault XD Nevertheless, I guess that’s what a good boyfriend does right? Accept her whether good or bad and whether you should be the “intended target” of her anger 😀 I was just searching up a picture when that comic came up, it wasn’t purposeful but it made me laugh!

      Bebe and I only got to talk for like… 15 minutes last night 😦 She came home, went online, but didn’t go on WA yet until later, so I didn’t get to talk to her and then I was too tired to wait since I was up ’til 12 and I know she was already home by past 10ish or so. I suppose she thinks that going on WA is the only time I know when she’s home/online 😛 But anyways, this has already changed a lot now. I’ve already been a VERY good boy about not always being on top of everything she does and stuff, because she has been extremely honest to me lately and being diligent about keeping-in-touch with me, so very soon, I won’t even bother keeping tabs on her anymore. I zip up my tools and put them away for good 😀 There’s nothing I need to “suspect” about her anymore now, so we can ride on TRUST now. So apparently she has Skype but never told me about it or bothered to offer adding me or whatever… I mean it isn’t as important now, but when she was in Malaysia that would’ve REALLY REALLY helped…. ah well, more trust, less snooping and happier for both of us!

      • My period was juz as u like it, heavy 😛 haha… thought u’d luv knowing tht! I went swimming for about 2 hrs n’ I had to go check my tampon coz I thought it was getting too full. I reali like the Pearl’s u gave me coz if I can c sm of on the cord, then I kno I need to chg. Once I got out of the pool, chg’ed bk into pads coz didn’t wanna use up all my tampons. I brought the Kotex Whites Overnight ones w/ me tht u suggest last time… they work so great! They’re huge, but I can keep it on for so long n’ nt need to chg… especially coz smtimes we hv long meetings or wtevr. w/ clients n I dun wanna step away n’ miss important info!

        Period wuz pretty heavy this time, I had gone though an entire pack this month n’ tht nt including the tampons. I’m sure u wuld’ve luv’ed being here w/ me, LOL…. I’d leave the garbage all filled up juz to tease u xDD I’m sure when bebe wants to tease u, she’ll do the same n’ leave “evidence” behind 😉 Those pads u recommend reali obvious in the garbage, kekeke, n’ tks up so much room tht I can only throw away a few b4 I hv to get them to empty!!!

        Day 1-3 wuz nasty, 4-6 started to tipsy off n’ I culd just use sm thin pads (ya ya, u dun like). I’m surprized I dun hv to get up during those nites to chg coz during the day it wuz crazy! Day 2 had sm clots n’ the colour wuz darker than usual. I felt gross juz handling the pad coz it wuz so squisshyyy, altho I’m sure u wuld’ve easily taken up the opportunity to help xDD I didn’t even want to use the old wrapper to seal it coz it wuld’ve leaked all over my hands. If u lived in HK, u culd hv my stuff to ‘study’ all u want, KAKAKKA.

        In the chg room, they had tampons in the dispensers.. nt sure if they work or hv stock… u kno how those things r alwayz broken or empty lah. I’m sure they expect sm women do nt use tampons regularly or juz happened to get their period b4 swimming so they hv them there, also dunno wt brand tho. These ppl who usually load the dispensers r nt the good ones tht u got me used to – lol, I’m so picky now coz of u xDD I’m sure u’ll train bebe into using the pads/tampons u like n’ mk her picky w/ her stuff too 😆

        When girls say smthg like tht, usually means they hv smthg to hide. It culd b gd or bad n’ since I dunno her frds well enuf, hard to say. Those r all ‘neutral’ words to prevent being offensive, haha. Juz like when girls say, “ur nt my type” – juz is girl-speak for u dun look gd enuf for me 😛 — so if her frds say tht, it either means 1) her frd likes how u look but dun wanna tell bebe to nt mk her jealous, or 2) they think u look horrible but dun wanna tell bebe, LOL! Either way, u r alwayz cute no matter wt u think abt how small/big u r, whether u think ur face is “big” or whether u hv long, short or no hair. U r who u r n’ bebe shld c more than the outside of u. I kno her frds will judge u by how they c u coz they dun kno u well enuf to talk abt ur personality so can only base on physical. U dun need to worry abt getting fat or getting skinny. U dun hv to leave ur hair super long juz so it “covers ur head” n’ makes bebe think u hv hair. U need to b who u r coz tht’s wt makes a relationship WORK. We all chg in time, sm quicker, some longer, but deep down we dun chg as a person. U may be losing hair now, but bebe will also lose her period one day too, does it mean u will nt luv her? Of coz nt! So same thing for who u r on the outside…

        • LOL, yay for us, haha… heavy periods are cool 😛 Well for me, not so much for you… lol. Glad you had fun swimming, sounds like you had a blast. Sounded much more like a vacation than a business-trip though XD Catch any hot guys there? haha. Awww.. you have access to all my fav pads 😦 Oh oh, last night I went out to pick up some UbK Supers (I’ll be posting the pics and such later if I’m up to it) to test and actually, I found that I had a more positive perception of this one than the UbK All-Nighters that I tested a while ago. The all-nighters were “ok la” but the supers were very comfy… although the sizing was smaller than I would expect. So I guess I have a “bit more faith” in the UbK pads now with my experience of this one.

          I haven’t been able to find some Stayfree sale for like 4 weeks now X.x so that’s why I went to buy the UbK ones last night ‘cuz they were on-sale and I had a coupon! I miss my Stayfree, bleh. R was just asking me about it yesterday ‘cuz she told me she’s running low on tampons and if I happened to have that coupon whether I would be willing to split the “$5 WUB 2” coupon with her, which is fine since I only like keeping a pack or two around at one time. Funny that when I was standing in the aisle picking out the package, she called and asked me to check how much they were regular price… guess she’s running really low and worried. I think I gave my last box of O.B. ones to you, so I didn’t have any left to give her, ah well, too bad 😛 I hope bebe lets me buy for her sometime ^^ or even go with me, haha, that’d be fun.

          I doubt bebe will leave evidence behind, she’s a pretty “clean” type of girl. Even if she left something in the trash, it’d probably be wrapped 50 times over so I wouldn’t see XD or more importantly, her brothers wouldn’t see, lol. Bebe can talk to me about periods and stuff in general, but not so much ‘hers’… I can tell when we have conversations about it, any time it “nears” her, she throws the subject off course 😀 I guess it’s not a “favourite topic” of hers which is another thing, but at least I deserve her talking about it with me sometime ‘cuz I’m such a good boy 😆

          LOL, squishy pads are pretty funny and yes, quite messy if you handle them too roughly. I was happy last night to see the UbK pads I was testing was pretty full but didn’t have any signs of leaks or the top surface was damp or anything. I could feel it getting heavy for sure though, so it was already ‘at capacity’… nevertheless, it definitely made me “revisit” the UbK pad. Ya, I hope bebe has good-tastes of quality pads/tampons as I do 😛 HAHA! Eh, I don’t have to be in HK to study your stuff, you could always stay for a couple of months in Canada XD – I’m sure I’d catch a few periods then, haha. How long haven’t you came back for anyways?

          Great update on your period though 🙂 I wish bebe could share it to the same details, haha… maybe one day… one day…

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