What Do You Do When…

So really, what do you do when you have an irresistible partner? LOL. I wish someone could answer that for me before I kill myself, haha. I think every time I lay my eyes on bebe now, I feel like I want to jump on top of her. I wouldn’t call it horny because it’s not like that, more like… the Chinese expression 肉緊 (I’m not sure what the English expression would be because literally, it means “tight meat” LOL!) I admit I’m more of the touchy-feely type of person, I feel that “draw” of physical intimacy when I’m near someone I care about and this doesn’t have to do just with romantic-partners, but even family, parents or whatever. Sometimes I just feel the need to give my mom/dad a hug or a goodnight kiss or something – I’m just the affectionate type and I’m totally ok with showing it, doesn’t make me feel like I’m a sissy or anything. This world has gone too far with the whole, “to be a man, you have to be macho, tough and show no feelings.” So if anyone can help me suppress that physical affection of mine for bebe, feel free to tell me 😆

I woke up with a deadly headache yesterday morning and it was shit, especially because bebe and I planned on going out. I tried to relax myself to see if the headache went away, made myself a coffee, relaxed on the couch and used my massage chair. I feel asleep on the massage chair and woke up as bebe messaged me on my phone telling me to go over at 4. It was already 3:20 then and she told me she was going back to sleep because she was tired. Being the (cough) great boyfriend I am 😀 I purposely diddly-daddlied around the house, went to the bank,  get gas, etc. before arriving at her house and not arriving at her house until well after 4:30 so she could get some extra sleep. After I got there, I found out she had already slept BEFORE she called me (she had went out for lunch), I felt so 好心着雷劈 (Chinese expression for something along the lines of “Being punished for having a good heart”) for wanting to give her extra sleep time. It’s not like she yelled at me for it, but more of the fact I wasted an extra hour I could’ve been with her thinking she needed extra sleep. It’s not her fault, just that I was trying to be too considerate I guess, bleh!

Bebe was in the bathroom (SEXY, lol) when I got over so her brother opened the door for me. I greeted him and all I got was a grunt as a reply, lol (I see where bebe gets it from… HAHAHA) – weirdest reply ever, so I just ignored him and went upstairs 😛 Guess he was going through some male-PMS or something. Her brother has always been at least polite every time I’ve talked to him, so I forgive him for his unusual rudeness, haha. I finally did it for the VERY FIRST TIME…. but I brought shorts over to bebe’s house to wear because she doesn’t like it when I bring “outside pants” and sit on her bed (very logical). I also left my shorts there as a sign of territory claim, lol. You know, men still have very animalistic nature inside them, LOL. If I leave my shorts there, it’s making a point to all other guys entering her room that she’s taken and someone is watching out for her… or if you prefer a, “Stay the fuck away from my bebe!” statement 😀 I can’t wait until bebe starts leaving stuff at my house, harhar. I heard that women apparently do that too and when they want to “claim their man” – they leave their most intimate things around, like panties, bras, maxi pads/tampons (yes, I’ve read this, not making this shit up) so that other women know that “this guy is no longer available” hah.

I had brought a movie over and my “hope” was that I would just lie there and watch the movie with her and she’d go back to sleep. Well, it failed because she stayed awake the whole movie, LOL. I was hoping she’d fall asleep with me so I could put my arms around her shoulder and pull her head in to me. I wasn’t planning to “take advantage” of her or something (well other than that) – just wanted to have a nice cozy feeling. Nevertheless, although we didn’t quite get to do that, laying on her bed snuggled up with her was a really nice feeling. She did sit rather far (blah), so not sure whether that was just to leave room or whether she still feels the need for that “gap”. I’m honestly terrible when it comes to over-analyzing things. Since she was on the “outside” of the bed, it was much easier for her to steal glances at me, but I caught a few glances of her and my heart totally melted, thinking SHE is the beautiful girl I’m going to spend my life with, just like this, lying together on the bed every night. I couldn’t help but feel like I’m the luckiest guy in the world, I wanted to roll over and just kiss bebe on the neck (WANTED, not that I did) and pour my heart’s love out to her. The feeling was just amazing being next to her, although I wish we were a bit “closer”… shared a pillow, actually had some body-contact or under the same blankets, but hey, it’s a start! My plans of her falling asleep didn’t work though, ick, haha! After the movie, she said something really cute and I just hugged her from behind because she was adorable. Her body had a “half accepting” “half rejecting” type feeling, so I definitely can’t complain. At least she doesn’t FULLY reject my touch anymore, so I was happy. Unfortunately, even though she told me wasn’t “uncomfortable” – I could tell she wasn’t “totally” comfortable with it either. Body language is very obvious and not as subvert as people think and our bodies often tell much more than we know or are willing to say. When you get a hug, you usually feel “receiving” and whether you return it is one thing, but part of your body movement tells how much you REALLY want it. When I held her even for a bit, I could feel that it was “ok” for her, but she also wasn’t ready to “embrace” my hold and I could still feel her body trying to escape (although not through anger/discontent, but still not ‘acceptance’). I let go quickly since I had already tested my limits and knew when to call it quits, haha. It was such a warm feeling though and I could feel that we can at least have some contact now.

We fooled around in the house after since she was wide-awake (not that type of fooling, I wish, lol) and then I was getting super hungry so I hinted to get something to eat. While we were looking for stuff, I had put my leg close against her. Again, you could claim I’m taking advantage of the situation, but I just like physical contact and it wasn’t like I was touching her boobs or something. I just put my leg close enough against her where we could feel each other, but not to be “intrusive.” A couple of times she shifted and I wasn’t sure if it was to avoid me pushing up against her or whether it was just natural body movement. Either way, she let me keep my leg there for quite a while, so I’d assume she just moved so her body wouldn’t become stiff. I hadn’t eaten since 11AM, so it was already 8PM then and I could feel myself dying 😛 I grabbed something to eat without asking (oops, lol, I kind of treat it like my house now, haha) just so I wouldn’t pass out. I asked her if she wanted to go out for a drive and then grab something to eat. Her driving is improving and it sucks that the past 2 times we’ve gone out, it has been evening/night-time, so I find she’s a lot more conscientious about night-driving, so it tends to be slower – to the point where it might annoy people behind her, lol. I’m not saying this is a fault, more like she just needs to “get used to it” and she’s lucky she doesn’t run into any drivers like me who think she’s too slow, cut her off and give her the middle finger 😆 Plus, I think she’s still on the whole “test-behaviour” since she literally goes the exact limit… 90, she goes 90, heh. I’m not saying I’m right for going faster, but she’ll learn to move “with traffic flow” soon! Parking ins/outs in tight spaces is the one part I’d probably ask her to improve on because she gets AWFULLY close to other people’s cars when she backs up and she doesn’t even realize that there’s probably a “finger” left of space in between. I need to get that parking sensor thing for her soon.

We had Korean food, very yummy and I couldn’t imagine finding a place of this quality where we live. I’ll definitely be visiting again and I even told my mom about it. The price was fantastic and while I didn’t “fill myself up to the max” – I definitely got the money/food worth. I ended up paying while she went to the washroom and she came back to tell me she was thinking of paying tonight, lol. My dad always had this funny thing about people who like to “go pee” right before the bill comes 😛 and I don’t think bebe did that on purpose, since I’ve already gotten used to her washroom habits, but I remember my dad would always yell and my mom and I if we left before the bill came because it’d look like we “expected” the other party to pay for us as well by obligation. My dad was the type to always be aware of mannerisms because of how big our family is, you never want to appear as if you just happen to “go to the washroom” at that time and someone else would end up covering it for you (and naturally, wouldn’t take your money back). In my views, since bebe and I are a “couple” it doesn’t really matter who’s pocket it comes out of as long as we’re spending reasonably. MAYBE I’m just crazy 😆 hah.

As bebe falls for me more and more, I find myself falling head-deep into her. We are… a couple, there’s nothing she can deny anymore, LOL. She could make this sound like a “casual relationship” if she wanted to, but everyone can see more than that 😆 It’s also good because everyone around us seemed to just have accepted it. My mom and all my friends all simply refer to her as “my girlfriend” so they don’t think it’s just a “seeing each other” thing anymore 😛 Even though her friends probably don’t refer to me as bebe’s boyfriend, I’m sure they probably think that anyways XD Anyways, I can feel us coming together so it’s a really nice feeling. I’m starting to put those barriers down and such. Also, I’m also feeling less and less inclination to track bebe now. I know myself well enough to have said before that once I feel close enough and trusting enough of her motives/actions and feel that she’s “responsible towards me” that I would no longer feel the need to snoop. This is true as most of the things I used to do, I don’t do anymore. The other day she was prodding at me for “hacking” but it’s not even CLOSE to what I do to track her XD She has no idea how I do it and she doesn’t need to.. well it doesn’t matter even if she knew how I did it anyways, since I no longer need to do that. She’s definitely being more considerate of my feelings about keeping-in-touch regularly, so then she’s fulfilled her part of the deal and I fulfill my part of the deal by not snooping.

During the dinner she also told me about the thing that’s been bothering her all this time. I guess my second hunch was correct after analyzing the things I read/saw. It was just nice to know what the problem is because I was annoyed at the fact that I should be the one that she “tells everything to” or at least shares her ups/downs with me. You know the say, “for better, or for worse” and it’s true.. I share all my happy AND unhappy moments with her because it’s reality. Again, last night, we truly connected in every way, shape or form. The things we can talk about now is much more relaxed and open. We can also better understand each other and be respectful of each others conversation topics. I’m sure there were a couple of times during the night I said something “inappropriate” but she still played along with it. That’s the whole thing about a relationship, tolerance and naturalization. In her mind, something that comes out of my mouth might not be “what I like” and vice-versa, so we learn just to enjoy what we say to each other within discrimination and just go along with it – in the end, it saves an argument and we both smile. I made some sexual prods at her (half serious, half joking), and it was just funny – it  as not meant to put her into an uncomfortable situation or make myself seem lecherous. I also mentioned about “going to a hotel and sleep in separate beds” with her (because it seems silly to pay for 2 rooms…) later on in the year just to relax and although she didn’t exactly say, “Hey that sounds great!” least she wasn’t like, “Hell no!” either. I’m sure by then I can gauge the comfort-level and if she still doesn’t seem ok with it, I’m not going to push it – it’s not like I set a “time limit” on it. However, if at that time we can share the room together, then it’d be a nice relaxing weekend for us. At least when it comes to relationship things, bebe no longer thinks “no” or “impossible” or “maybe” – but rather “in time” which makes me EXTREMELY happy. I can deal with looking at a situation and saying it’ll take time, but I was frustrated when everything that came from her was a negative, “no, impossible, never, maybe” vocabulary – because now we both believe it will happen.

In terms of physical contact, honestly, I can’t even TELL you how grateful of the advancements we have made. I’m not the one who was uncomfortable with it, so ALL the credits go to her for making those feelings surface. This is all HER doing and I’m totally appreciative of that – because there’s nothing I can do to make her feel comfortable, all this is her initiative, self-power and perseverance. This is also the reason why I “reward her” a lot and give her encouragement, because I know this takes a LOT of effort from her to reach this point. I want to support her, but I also know what I can do is limited because this is much more of a “her struggle” more than my struggle. I’m a physically-comfortable person, while she is not… even with her girl-friends they’re still not the touchy-type. For her to accept my touches or at least be “ok with them” shows great commitment on her part to this relationship. Some have said I spoil bebe, but really, she spoils me too by putting so much into this that I can’t feel that I’d want to give her anything other than the best.

It wasn’t until I got home that I shouldn’t have chosen the particular shorts I bought over. They’re a “light material” and that’d be problematic if I ever had an erection, LOL. I guess I don’t really get hard in front of bebe, mostly because it’s a self-control and respect thing for her. As much as I think she’s sexy and stuff, I know she wouldn’t be comfortable knowing that I could sexually excited in front of her, so I have enough respect for that not to get hard. At the same time, I also wouldn’t be super-embarrassed though if I did get one and she saw it. The reality is she’s shy and all, but I also don’t think she doesn’t know ANYTHING about “natural reactions”… if it happens, it happens -woopidoo! Plus, it’s not like she won’t see my penis one day anyways, lol. This date, I also spent more time looking at her body… it’s so yummy 😀 I found some “excuses” to touch her/poke her, haha – see the reason why I do that is because I know if there’s a ‘reason’ at least it wouldn’t be discomforting and stuff. If I were to randomly tell her, “I want to touch your arm” – then she’d probably have a problem with that, haha. I hope she’ll let me just randomly touch her soon, I’m starting to feel really edgey 😆 and I don’t even mean groping her at private places, I just like sometimes putting my hands on her just as a sign of affection and assurance. Her body is so wonderful so that’s why she should share it with me, haha! She’s an excellent flirter and it scares me where she gets that experience from 😛

A great night either way… the hugs, still quicker than I’d like it to end and I would hold on to her longer, but when I feel her “pushing away” then I definitely wouldn’t want to just grab on and not let go – that’d be rude. At the same time, I also hope that we spend more time embracing each other and it’s not necessary just “when I leave” that we do that. Either way, another happy night minus my killer headache. I had been thinking how pitiful it is that I will probably miss her period again this coming week or something and then ended up with a bad-dream about bebe. When I woke up, I was so glad it was a dream because that dream was definitely not a nice one! I went to the washroom and splashed my face with water to make sure I was awake, because most of the dreams I have about bebe are always good. I guess I’ve been too annoyed with this whole, “catching her on her period” thing that’s been sending my temper off a bit. I should suppress those thoughts and annoyance though before I get angry or something. She’s trying to make this relationship work so I shouldn’t be pressuring her about being open with me about it, but I just can’t believe how much luck is so rotten that with all the times we’ve been out, not a single time she’s been around when she’s on 😐 BLAH.

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About Prexus Swyftwynd

Probably not a good idea for you to know anything about me....

Posted on April 10, 2011, in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. O u silly boy 😛 Ur nt supposed to WANT to suppress those feelings abt her, y wuld u want to do tht? LOL! The whole point of having feelings is to savour them n’ rmbr tht ur still “human” beyond evrythg else. Also, w/o those feelings, u wuldn’t feel the same way abt bebe! The “right” thing is to let those feeling stay in ur heart… ur supposed to b attracted to her, want her physically/sexually, care for her, look out in her best interest n’ b willing to sacrifice for her, tht totally normal! If u lose ur horniness ovr her, then tht’s gonna b a vry sad sex-life xDD

    Tht so cute u wuld rather give up an hour to spend w/ her n’ let her snooze.. AWWWWWWW.. such a gd guy for sure 😛 I kno the time u spend w/ her is very precious so it’s very UNselfish of u to do tht for her! Isn’t the gas prices crazy rite now n’ ur still driving her all over the place? U luv it when bebe’s in the washroom dun u? 😆 Must give u so many thoughts, kakaka. It still mk me sad tht bebe won’t let u hold her… such a simple thing too leh T__T She shuld be more than willing to embrace u, nt juz simply ‘receive’ u… sounds so forced. Do u feel her warmth when u hold her though? 😀

    I dunno if u can claim tht u connected in evry way shape n’ form though… coz ur thing n’ her thing haven’t connected yet 😉 KEKEKEKEKE!!! Oh u kno, shy girls usually vry good flirters, coz they r introverted but when they r nt in front of the person, like online, they don’t hv the same shyness n’ more outgoing… so she probably hv lots of experience hitting-up guys. Better b careful, I hear lots of girls end up falling for sm1 else online coz they can b “open w/ no consequences”…. better mk sure u keep her off the internet 😛

    Cheh… no need to worry abt her seeing ur erection la… happens to all guys. I kno it’s funny when ur in high-school or smthg, but both of u r grown up now n’ can accept there r body movements we hv tht can’t b controlled! She cannot blame u if u sudden get hard, tht nt fair newayz… even if you really got hard coz u felt sexy-feelings 4 her, tht wuld still nt b fair for her to criticize. She shuld b happy tht she’s such a gd gf to mk her bf so excited like tht 😆 U can even show off to her how big it is, kekeke. So when u chg bk into ur pants, did u do it in her rm or in front of her? Did she chg in front of u or did she kick u out of her rm or smthg?

    So… wt wuz the dream abt leh? Cannot imagine u hv’ing a bad dream abt her… did u do smthg wrong? HAHA. Did she kill u or smthg? lol.. Dun b sad over her period 😦 I kno it’s so tough for u. Then mebe u shld hurry up n’ live together, then for sure u can alwayz catch her on her period 😛 So I guess u will not want to hv many kids then, coz tht means she will nt hv her period for many months 😆 U hv to cherish each time she gets it, haha. So now tht u get so sexy over bebe, did u kill-kids again after u got home? 😆

    • Haha, well everything you say is true… and I don’t think I can lose my horniness over her at all XD I think I start drooling when I look at bebe, lol. Sometimes rather than having porno or whatever up, I can just look at pictures of her and it gets me all excited already… shit, she’s completely clothed in those pictures and it drives me crazy already, I don’t know what I’d do if they were nude pictures of her 😆 I think I wouldn’t even need to touch it and I’d cum, HAHA! I’m almost sure that bebe will love sex ONCE she is comfortable enough to do it, that’s the bigger part. I’m not afraid that post-marriage or whatever this will be a problem since by then, she’ll already love me enough. However, for the time being, I’m trying to encourage her to be more comfortable with me and get used to the physical interaction. Bebe can be an adventurous girl, so I don’t worry about that. Being shy is very different than being dumb XD

      I do feel her warmth when she holds me now… I love it!! The hugs have very much changed to an “obligatory” hug to more of a “I care about you” type of hug… it’s so dreamy, HAHA.. I sound more like the girl 😀 Even though I know that sometimes she does things out of “responsibility” towards me, I’m sure that deep down I can feel that she does ‘enjoy’ doing stuff more and more… not just out of the fact she “wants to make me happy” (of course there’s a degree of that). I mean obviously in a relationship, you always want to make the other person happy, but then I can also feel that she’s GENUINE when she does things for me now, not “just because.”

      I know that I “push the limits” when I do/say some things to her and it’s not to throw her out of her comfort zone, but to also prepare and encourage her to move forth. I’m also very happy that the barriers are slowly (very, lol) coming down… even when I held her shoulders, I could feel her not wanting to “shuffle over” towards me, but when I moved towards her it was ok. I can’t quite grasp myself around that, but I think she was comfortable ENOUGH to let me, but also can’t quite be “easily receiving yet”… and I’m ok with that, because it takes time, especially when she’s not a physically-ready person. The fact she LETS me do it is good enough for now, then she can get to the point where she actually “enjoys” being embraced with that feeling. What I try to convey to her is that when I hold her, it’s not simply a matter of just DOING so, but my body’s way of expression my feelings to her and cherishing her. Actions are just actions, but it’s the emotions that are behind it which makes actions matter.

      LOL, I never claim (seriously) to be big… I know it’s not as big as I want it, haha… if anything, I’ll blame my Asian genetics for not allowing me to have a huge 10″ penis XD We all have physical flaws anyways, so whatever… even if I don’t have a massive dick, still doesn’t mean I can’t have a massive heart to love bebe 😛 I was thinking about putting on my pants in her room, but then she went to the washroom to do it, so then I just closed the door a bit and put them on in her room while she was in the washroom. It’s sad she wouldn’t just change in the room… I mean she wouldn’t have been totally naked, it was just pants-changing… she was (probably) still wearing underwear!! It was a bit disappointing, but at the same time, I knew she isn’t quite ready for that, lol. For me, I was totally ok with just taking off my pants and changing and since I wear boxers, not like you could see anything anyways 😀 And plus, even if I was to be embarrassed changing in front of others, it’s bebe, and there’s no embarrassment I feel with her 😛

      The dream was messed up. It was a typical sexy-type dream of her and it was pretty awesome actually (well that part at least)… I knew I definitely got hard because I was kind of in one of those “Half-sleep” “half-awake” modes and for sure I knew it was “up” – lol… was probably quite the sexy dream mostly because it was so erotic and she was even having her period 😆 Nevertheless, the worst part was after we did it in the dream… she turned to face me on the bed and said, “Oh by the way though, I don’t love you…” – and then I woke up and it scared the shit out of me… lol. It’d be much better if she DID kill me rather than saying something like that to me! You know they say bei sei gan lan sou… it hurts more for her to say something like that than kill me. Good thing it was a dream, phew, but the “sexy part” was nice XD

      I don’t usually schedule when I kill kids, lol… just whenever I feel like it I guess… or have time. If I don’t have time, I’m past that age where I “have” to do it… I’m starting to lose attraction to other girls or other sexy things (even periods.. oh my god), so usually I just think about bebe and that makes me cum harder/feels better than if I try to fantasize about other girls or other things. I can’t believe how crazy I am over her 😆 I guess better for me TO be crazy over her than not….

      • I bet u spend lots of time looking at certain areas of her body 😆 When bebe’s w/ her frds, they probably hv very dirty chats, LOL, she juz doesn’t tell u abt them n’ pretends to b innocent xDD U better nt premature, kekeke, gotta save it all up for bebe n’ nt disappoint her 😛 Hv to practice n’ learn to resist getting too excited too fast, hah. Vry happy to c tht bebe is starting to give u tht comfortable-assuring feeling!

        Yep, if bebe’s shy, then she will likely nt b the one to push forward n’ simply wait for u, so of coz u hv to test once in a while to c how far u two can go. I mean u can alwayz ask her, but I think by the time u ask her she has too much time to think/react, so best if u ask n’ immediately do it, LOL! Make it shocking, give her little time to process it 😛 It’s cuter n’ more surprizing for us rather than “being told evrythg ahead of time” kekeke.

        Even if Asian guyz rly r smaller, think abt our world population of Asian ppl… we seriously hv no problem with pro-creating children xDD HAHA… so whether small or nt, obviously we seem to b vry good at it 😀 I mean look at how many siblings bebe got… if she inherit her parents luv of sex, then u will b vry lucky… 😆 !!!!!!!!!!!!!! kakakkaa. N’ plus, there’s alwayz more to it than juz ‘in and out’ so the size only cm into play for like 10-15 mins, the rest is all up to u on how u can prepare her n’ mk her horny for u!!

        Oh, so sad to hear abt such a terrible dream. Tht wuld definitely b smthg nt nice to say, especially after such a special moment… then of coz it’s juz a dream so it’s all over now ^^ I bet u luv the sexy part too leh, haha… gives u smthg to think abt the next day too when u do it xDD

        At least now tht when u hv her to think abt, u won’t hv to worry abt needing porno to get all excited, u can juz think about her 😉

        • Umm ya, LOL… I’m probably looking at places I shouldn’t be, but oh well 😛 Hey, why not APPRECIATE her body right, it’s so nice! The other day she was telling me how she doesn’t think her body is that great or whatever, it was such a lie XD Do you know how many girls would want that beautiful body like hers? HAHA… bebe’s skin is so nice too ^__^ I love smooth skin on girls. Ya, bebe’s friends and her have dirty chats, that’s girls for ya… but I suppose it’s not as “obvious” as when guys dirty-chat… and I’m sure they only do it in a private area, not talk about it in the middle of a restaurant, lol! I don’t know if I’d premature that easily, but I know for sure that when I think about bebe, I can get hard pretty easily and just lay back, play with it and enjoy myself. I like holding it in for a while so that it feels more intense and I have more time to think about bebe too 😆 then becomes explosive!!

          I understand the whole concept of “surprize” – but I think she feels it’d be more respectful if I at least ‘let her know’.. I’m sure in time she can handle me just reaching out to her randomly, but for now I think she just needs that mental-preparation and acknowledgement. Right now, she’s being “receptive” of me so I’m also going to try to work within her bounds and respect her need of comfort before trying anything spontaneous. Also, I guess how she treats me depends that day on her mood and just in-the-moment 😀 Sometimes she can have a lot to say to me, other times we can go a while without saying anything… this goes for in person and online. Last night’s chat was nice, though short and kinda bland… nevertheless, guess she was doing stuff with her friends and also watching series – she didn’t seem very concentrated and such (on me). I mean, we did see each other twice ‘this week’, but twice… is not all that much, LOL – she made it sound like she spent ages with me, haha.. I wasn’t even going to bring up the fact how much time she spends with her friends, because I’m sure she acknowledges the time she spends with them versus me is “unparallelled.” I hope with the summer being a bit more busy on her friends, she’ll spend some more time around town ‘cuz right now there’s a lot of places I want to take her to around here and towards the Niagara-side… lots of nice scenery and places to ‘explore’!

          I just thought more about the reasons I wanted to get to know her friends better and “mix” friends was mostly because it allows us to expand that conversation area. Right now, the topics we can talk about are few… but when we’re more serious couples who have ‘similar sets’ of friends, there’s more topics we can converse, maybe about things we’ve done with each other, or things happening in friend’s life, etc. – since right now we live in our own little shell, it’s hard for us to come up with “additional” topics. I mean I know in general, bebe is the quieter one and I can deal with that. I used to always try to engage bebe to talk, but now sometimes when we’re in the car, I just give her some peace and quiet… and maybe gives her time to think about me too 😛 I can deal with her not always wanting/have things to talk about, but I certainly would feel that it’s reasonable that if she’s spent an entire day with her friends or doing “her own things” that she can find time to ‘entertain’ me a bit or just to 陪 me.

          Bebe can get pretty flirty with me now and I really enjoy it. Today the girl at work and I were just saying the type of person we both are, we’re playful and like to not take life too seriously. There are times in conversations where bebe still sometimes takes me too seriously, like last night she thought I was judging her when really I was just kind of prodding at her. Good thing we could clear that up fast, nevertheless, I think I’m able to bring the playfulness out of bebe now. We’re enjoying just being able to poke at each other and it’s awfully cute, haha. It makes my heart so warm! She’s such a sweetheart and I’ve already judged her well before last night, haha.

          Oh stop reminding me about having sexy-time with bebe, my mind can’t take it, LOL. I’m at work right now too, don’t want to think about it 😆 Last night I was planning not to use the toy, but I couldn’t resist because as I was just doing it the “old fashion way”… I was thinking about bebe, but then my thoughts/feelings for her became so intense I wanted something that felt a bit better, so I got it out… and plus, I had the house to myself for a bit so I could be a bit noisy 😛 I think I almost ran out of air and fell over when I finally let it go just thinking about bebe without any visual/audio means… haha.

        • OMG Amy… so dumb.. lol. So tonight I just wanted to ask bebe whether she was on her period or not – but didn’t want to be TOO direct right… so I ask her how her tummy is feeling and she said fine… now I stuck myself into a corner where I don’t know if “fine” means.. “I don’t have my period.” or “I have my period but there’s nothing wrong.” ARG!!! Fuck me for being stupid, should’ve just been upfront with my question, now I have an ambiguous answer 😆

          Hope she’ll tell me tomorrow or at least “hint” to me whether she is or not or else I’m going to freak out on myself and be annoyed at myself, LOL. Why didn’t I have the guts just to ask properly? haha… Haiiii why so chicken 😛 Maybe I just didn’t want to “offend” her by being so direct, but I also want to know… what a dilemma XD aiyo…

          I want to kkknnnooowww AHHHHHHHHHH!!! I hope she is, that’d be a dream come true 😀

        • lol, I wish Josh wuz still shy with me like tht now.. he’s all direct now, so there’s not tht “cuteness” nemore when he asks thgs 😛 If he wanted to kno, he’d be like, “Amy, hv period today ma? Want sex.” n’ tht’s it… no shyness, kekeke. Juz b a big boy n’ ask her la, no point torturing urself ovr it leh, keke… I’m sure she’s ok w/ telling u n’ stuff now.

          Do u evr rub her or still be docile with her xDD ? Glad to hear she is gd flirter, ur fav la… boring if she doesn’t kno how to flirt with u. Even tho she may nt hv been vry serious with her relationships b4, if she kno how to flirt then nt bad lor… dun worry abt where she learn it frum, it’s a natural girl-ability – especially coz guys are so EASY 😆 She culd say 1 thg n’ get u horny w/o even putting in effort, kakaka.

          Mk sure u dun bcm too desensitized using ur toy, I found tht when I used it a lot, then when we had sex, it wuzn’t as “stimulating” coz got used to the heightened effects of using a toy all the time leh.

        • Haha, I just did end up kind of asking her outright… couldn’t stand not knowing 😛 It was my fault for being so beat-around-the-bush about it, lol. But anyways, at least I’m happier now she shares it with me, makes me feel nice and relaxed.

          I rub bebe whenever I feel it’s appropriate to do so. I don’t have my hands on her ALL the time (though I wish I could, hah) and because I don’t want to be overbearing. Yes, I do want her to enjoy my touches – yes, I do want her to get used to it – and yes, I do want her to realize that touching her means more than “just the sake of doing it” — but also, I don’t want to make her feel like I’m trying to force myself onto her all the time, and that’s why I always “break” in between touches. Defeating her physical discomfort with me is just like dealing with allergies. The more that the body “endures” it and puts up with it, the more the body learns to adapt to the allergic reactions. Likewise, by touching her more, that’s the only way she’ll be able to gear herself towards accepting my touch.

          I rub bebe sparingly but I do enjoy it very much. I think I can get away with rubbing her hands (although she won’t let me hold it 😦 SADSAD) a bit… I try not to do it a lot because just the fact she’s comfortable enough to give me her hand/arm, I don’t want to “overdo” it… as much as I’d like to, I also have to consider her feelings and her sacrifice for me as well. I love the feeling of being able to rub her and there are times when she’s let me without hesitation and other times where she seemed unwilling. Again, she’s quite controlled by immediate emotions and moods rather than long-term emotions. I wonder if actually raising her EQ would help our relationship.

          Today, I actually spent 2 hours researching on personal distances, reading body language, emotional intelligence, romantic relationship groundwork, etc. in hopes I can learn/have personal growth as well as hoping to help bebe as well in the process. As before, I’ve already spent lots of time learning about body language, both for work and for my own purposes – but I studied much more in-depth today about analyzing her body language when applied in a “relationship” scenario. Many of her body language became clear and apparent after reading many articles today – much of her body movement which I saw last night. I hope that as she continues to learn and grow as a person and as an adult, her EQ/EI will grow with it as much of the body language she represented last night is not very positive. This is not a matter of simply “us” – but is also indicative that she needs to be more emotionally open and open postures. Of course how she positions herself is relative to how she is feeling inside, but on the same note, simply assuming GOOD postures influence us positively, therefore it is kind of like the people who say, “smile even when you are unhappy, because it’ll make you FEEL happy” is very true. Even if she’s NOT comfortable with me at times, just by “acting” comfortable and making herself “open” and “receptive” of me is JUST as well as her being actually comfortable, because that in turn, will stimulate her own mind/body to be TRULY accepting and receptive. It might seem “forceful” – but if forcing a smiling is enough to change our demeanour from sad to happy, then something like this applied to her comfort-level with me would be great.

          I still have much research to do and need to learn how to manipulate her thoughts and languages in my favour. Obviously she does things to me to “stay on defense” and I have to find ways that literally ANTAGONIZES her ability to do that, make her so flustered that she can’t think rationally, lol. It seems almost like your brain-washing or messing with logic, but I also spent some time reading up on various articles about how to essentially make her so confused that she loses her guard 😆 – seems to be the only way I’m going to get anywhere with her because she’s so “closed” of a person and constantly trying to hide things… and in fact, she’s so good at doing it she even fools herself into thinking she’s “really” like that when she isn’t…

          I really like reading this because it allows me to learn things about what her body tells me. At the same time, it may allow me to capitalize on this information to understand her better and to use it as leverage. Knowledge is an excellent thing and I hope it’ll HELP us get somewhere in this relationship.

          In regards to your toy question, ya, I try not to use it that often for that purpose. I try to use the toy every 2nd or 3rd day so I don’t become desensitized to the “traditional way” of doing it. I’ve found ever since I started using it, it takes a lot more stimulation using the old-method now, so I have to learn to adapt to both ways. Nevertheless, there’s something that ALWAYS gets me hard, horny and orgasmic, and that’s thinking about bebe! Even when I have problems “reaching that point” – all it takes is a few thoughts of bebe and BOOM, haha.

  2. niiiiice!! making lots of progress, i see!! i’m happy for you guys!! 🙂

    • I’d say making “some” progress 😀 But progress nonetheless…. so what about you and your cutie boy, I really hope something happens between you two 😛 I liked the new pictures you put up, very cute!! You should take some candid pictures of yourself and show it to the boytoy, might make him consider you 😉 What kinda guy could resist a cutie girl? HAHA!

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