Monthly Archives: May 2011
I have been struggling to come up with topics to write about, or rather, maybe just unmotivated, hah… however, I decided to go today and write on a topic that I’ve been meaning to write and post for a while. Toxic Shock Syndrome is known for many tampon users, yet, how knowledgeable are we about TSS to help us make an informed decision for the good of our health? I’m not here to necessarily debate whether I think tampons are a “good” form of feminine hygiene product, but today, we will concentrate on TSS alone and while there may be references to tampons, I’m neither “against” them or “for” them.
So what is toxic shock syndrome and like many infections, the name “doesn’t sound good already.” TSS is potentially fatal and caused by a bacterial infection which is usually associated with tampon use. There are multiple viruses which may trigger TSS, however, the most common one for tampon-related TSS infections is called Staphylococcus aureus. Despite what has been said and the belief that TSS only occurs in women who use tampons, this is not true. In fact, men and women are both capable of being infected with this bacterium and tampons are not the only cause of TSS. TSS has surfaced since 1980 and even after 31 years, women are still dying from tampon-related TSS. We may not think much of TSS, because there is very little publicity on it and with enough taboo around menstruation, people are not open to aptly speak about menstrual/feminine hygiene related deaths. It takes a very brave woman (Lisa Elifritz), the owner of You ARE Loved to raise public awareness about TSS and tell a very personal story about the challenges she faced with TSS in the death of her daughter, Amy Rae Elifritz.
TSS infections caused by Staphylococcus aureus can occur in a healthy individual and usually show through flu-like symptoms, particularly with high-fever exceeding 38.9 °C (102.02 °F), along with low blood-pressure, confusion, vomitting, diarrhea, weakness, coma and in more severe/terminal stages, multiple organ failure. Tampon related TSS symptoms also include a typical skin rash which is characterized as being severely painful at the site of the infection. TSS can be managed if discovered soon and with proper treatment, recovery occurs usually in 2 to 3 weeks. However, because of the destructive nature of the bacteria and TSS, death can occur within hours of the onset of the symptoms. Treatment within the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) is necessary for full supportive care, along with antibiotic treatment and toxin-reduction drugs.
Reported TSS cases dropped off rapidly after 1981 when 40 women died of tampon-related TSS and stayed “under the radar” for many years, until the fear of tampons begin to taper off. Tampon-related TSS struck fear in many women at the time, however, as girls begin to get their periods at younger ages in this generation, more of them are opting to use tampons and thus, exposing them to the causative bacteria at a younger age and also increasing the likelihood that they may be candidates for bacterial growth leading to tampon-related TSS. The triggering point for attention towards TSS was in a controversial testing of a tampon usable for an entire menstrual period called Rely by Procter and Gamble (P&G) in 1978. The tampon would, by design, be able to last an entire period without leakage or replacement and is said to be capable of absorbing almost 20 times its own weight. After several reported cases of TSS in menstruating women, the spotlight turned to tampons as the cause and eventually the product was pulled off the shelf.
People under the ages of 30 are less likely to have the antibodies to fight off Staphylococcus aureus bacteria, making individuals more susceptible to contracting TSS. Even the most diligent individuals such as Amy Rae Elifritz can be infected by this bacterium, despite regular changing of the tampon, alternating of menstrual products and using the lowest absorbency necessary for the menstrual flow at the time. While detection of TSS symptoms might be more obvious while menstruating, TSS can also occur any time within the menstrual cycle and menstruation does not need to be present, as bacteria may take time to build up or if chemicals/materials are left behind in the body, such as leftover rayon fibers from a removed tampon. Because symptoms of TSS are too much like the common-flu and become deadly in a very short period of time, it’s so hard to determine whether or not it’s necessary to seek medical attention and of course, most people would not want to be too aggressive in thinking they have TSS every time they get some flu-like symptoms. Nevertheless, some would argue that because of the severity of the infection, it’d be better to be on the “safe side.”
So how can one mitigate or avoid the risk of TSS? With over half the reported TSS cases being attributed to tampons, it is a reality, not just a myth. For those who have never bothered to heed the warning of tampon pamphlets, here’s a rundown with some of my input and additional tips offered by the You ARE Loved team:
- Use the lowest possibly absorbency to handle your menstrual flow
- The higher the absorbency of the tampon, the greater the risk of TSS
- Change tampons frequently and look for signs of any tampon remnants which might be left behind (such as shredding as you withdraw)
- Avoid using tampons overnight
- Tampon-related TSS bacteria require 8 hours to dissipate, therefore, use other products whenever possible throughout the day
- Tampons are NOT meant to absorb discharge, vaginal fluid or ‘just-in-case’ situations; Tampons should only be used when menstruation has begun
- Tampon choice should allow for comfortable insertion and removal, such as being saturated enough to remove easily and comfortable enough to put in. Forcing a tampon in or out may cause minute scratches in the vaginal wall, giving the bacteria an entry for further infection
- Be hygienic and wash your hands before touching your vaginal area, including clean-handling method for your tampon
- Remember to remove the last tampon of your period
- Do remember that as “very rare” that tampon manufacturers may want you to feel about the use of tampons associated with TSS, it is a very serious and real risk
- Consider alternate menstrual products, such as sanitary napkins (pads), sea sponges, menstrual cups or natural tampons (usually made from cotton, non-bleached and not composed with rayon)
- Don’t let TSS-risk slip you over time; Just because TSS hasn’t affected you yet, it doesn’t mean it never will
So what do you do if you believe you or someone else you know has been compromised or showing symptoms of TSS?
- If using a tampon, remove it immediately as this eliminates the source of the bacteria infection
- Seek medical attention and alert the emergency operator and/or emergency crew that the illness may be toxic shock syndrome related
- Avoid using tampons in the future as reinfection is a high possibility
Certainly in the future if I have a little girl, I would certainly give her the choice of using any menstrual product she prefers. Nevertheless, should tampons be her choice of products, I would make sure to educate her on proper tampon handling and hygiene, along with ensuring that cotton tampons are purchased over conventional rayon-based ones. If each and every one of these women fallen can make the world aware of TSS, then at least their deaths will not be for naught.
I would recommend anyone who is interested in learning more about TSS and the story of the Elifritz, please visit: http://www.you-are-loved.org/ and also considering making a DONATION to their cause (due to the site design, I cannot directly link to the donate section).
Looks like Canadian Walmart’s are finally adopting American Walmart marketing tactics. Walmart (Canada) is now beginning to offer samples via their site to promote products which they sell. Up for grabs this round is 2 U by Kotex tampons and 1 U by Kotex pad.
You can access the samples by filling out the order form at… https://sampling.walmart.ca/kimberly-clark/
UbK has been in-stores in Walmart for quite a while now, but they just recently released this banner to make it sound like it “just” arrived… which is not really the case though:
I like rather than demonstrating the features and all the great protection value of the pad, they emphasize “style” and “cute”… oh man, is the next generation of pads and tampons going to look pretty but work like a rag? LOL…
For those who have Costco membership, Costco now stocks Always Infinity pads! According to their ad, the pad: “Made with a revolutionary material called Infinicel™, Always Infinity® provides non-stop absorbency for up to 8 hours.”
Most of the packs in regular retail stores usually only sell them in the extra-sized box of 30’s, but since Costco is all about jumbo-sizing of everything, these ones come in 60’s, essentially “two” double-packs. I haven’t went to Costco yet, so I’m not sure if they will be carrying all 3 absorbency of the pads: regular, heavy and overnight (the picture shows the green heavy ones).
If anyone happens to go to Costco and has further details, please feel free to let me know, especially the price! Seems like Costco’s website hasn’t quite updated with this new product yet, but it will be listed under #221208 when it’s available online, otherwise, it should be already on-the-shelf by now!
I guess doing so many posts about periods; I’ve occasionally felt compelled to read up on many things related to women’s health. I suppose there’s not all too many things that are exciting about male health, so that’s why I have little drive to write about it – or maybe it’s because I don’t feel naturally attracted to it, lol. Today, I’d like to take some time to talk about female masturbation, hopefully in an educational stance. As with many of my posts, my information is from “what I read” and also “what I hear” from my girls or from women who have in the past felt comfortable sharing this information with me. No names will be used and I will try to generalize much of this information so it is not too revealing. Furthermore, I’m going to try to avoid making this a scientific post, but rather, write this in “laymen’s terms.” Before starting, I’d like to remind EVERYONE that masturbation has nothing to do with your virginity. I must’ve stated that a lot of time when talking about tampons, but whether you insert anything or not into the vagina for masturbation purposes, it does not take away your virginity. Virginity is ‘lost’ when you have sexual intercourse, whether with opposite or same-sex partners.
So what is masturbation? Masturbation is all about pleasuring oneself sexually with or without the intent of orgasm. Masturbation is “suitable” for all ages and in fact, masturbation often occurs even in young children (whether they recognize it or not), with more prominent masturbation occurring in the tween or teen years. Masturbation is not wrong, while in some religions or cultures, it might not be acceptable. Frankly speaking, many Asian girls I know have an utter distaste for masturbation, possibly from the upbringing that to touch yourself sexually is considered wrong, perverse, dirty, disgusting, and gross or I have even been challenged with, “Why would I do such a thing? EWWW..” It is actually quite unfortunate that Asian culture – more so for Asian women – do not like to accept masturbation as a “normal” and “acceptable” thing. Things as simple as having a discussion person-to-person or from viewing forums, non-Asian cultures tend to be much more open and accepting of masturbation, amongst many other taboo subjects, including menstruation.
Masturbation is a wonderful thing for many reasons and being able to attune to one’s body is a great experience for the individual themselves. Masturbation is sometimes associated with guilt, which should not be the case. Having spoken to a few female friends before on this topic that are “against” masturbation, many see it as if they were defiling themselves or that such actions would make them feel unclean as if it would ruin their chances of obtaining a partner. Speaking for myself, I would much prefer a girl who masturbates (or has) versus one who doesn’t. This doesn’t have to do with whether she shares it with me or not, but rather, the fact that she has intimate knowledge about her own body and is willing to surrender herself to the pleasure and orgasms. Most notably, you will find that women who do masturbate and know how to reach orgasm often report more sexual satisfaction even WITH a partner, because they understand themselves. To allow someone else to pleasure you, one must know how to pleasure themselves or recognize what it feels like TO be pleasured.
Furthermore, masturbation provides for a (relatively) safe method for sexual exploration, without the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. Masturbation is highly associated with those who choose to follow an abstinence lifestyle while maintaining sexual sanity. The only general dangers of masturbation would be those who do it so often where it affects a normal lifestyle or where they may use objects which pose physical risks/harm when used for masturbation purposes. Masturbation often has stereotypes associated with it and perhaps that is where some of the non-acceptances of it may stem from. I’ve heard about many “jokes” about how masturbation is for guys or girls who “don’t have a person to have sex with” or for “the losers”. You will find that many people who have partners, whether dating or married, continue to masturbate. Many people who have great sex-lives masturbate and as mentioned before, it helps enhance ourselves. I know many of my girls share with me that they masturbate regularly and enjoy trying new techniques and products. Masturbation I think really encourages fostering self-love and positive body image. By opening our body to pleasure, we give ourselves opportunity to better ourselves and that is why I truly hope women take the time to explore themselves, whether they feel a sexual-drive or not, it will open the doors to a truly wonderful experience. I always want to encourage bebe to explore herself, not necessarily because I want to push her to have sex with me, but also because I feel this self-exploration will help her heart unlock and open-up when it comes to KNOWING what the feeling of touching and intimacy is supposed to feel like and what it’s all about. She likes sleeping because it feels great so I definitely hope she’ll give herself an opportunity to pleasure herself!
Female masturbation can be achieved in one of many ways, either by the most natural method of using ones hands and fingers, or objects. Younger girls because of the inaccessibility of sex toys, often use manual stimulation or stimulation by using household objects. My ex used to use a highlighter/pen, electric toothbrush and even a pocket-vibrator. Some of my girls enjoy using hand/finger stimulation because it allows us to be in-touch with our bodies in the most natural form. Since our hands and fingers are part of us, it doesn’t require us to “carry” anything extra for the purpose of masturbation and of course it is free, discrete, soundless and does not require consumables (battery). The act of touching oneself skin-to-skin is a very liberating feeling while immersing in the ecstasy of pleasure. Household objects such as cucumbers, hairbrush handles, pillows, arm-rest and such are known to be widely available to girls who do not have or do not wish to buy sex-toys. The alternative is the variety of sex toys for girls of age or those who have an older adult who are willing to buy it for them. Sex toys are generally not sold to those under 18, but an understanding sibling, friend or even parent can certainly obtain it for them and it is not illegal to USE it. As rare as the situation may come up, I would be more than happy to buy my son or daughter a sex-toy should they require. It’s a much better alternative for them to understand their bodies sexually, respect it and have a safe output for sexual needs rather than actually finding a guy/girl to satisfy their curiosity. Whatever objects are used, it is necessary to make sure it is clean/sterile and that it is respectful to the delicate vaginal/anal environment. An object which could “break” and “get lost” within your vagina/rectum is never a good idea. Preferably the object should also be “safe” for human contact, especially for internal human contact.
Females are lucky in the sense that they have so many erogenous zones, most notably nipples, vagina, clitoris and anus. Obviously it is also possible that women have erogenous zones in non-sexual parts of their bodies and ones which over the course of time I have discovered to be quite interesting. Since I don’t want to be overly revealing about the partners I’ve had, I won’t mention their “trigger points” and also because every woman is different as to what areas you can touch to get them turned on. One thing that is or should be well known is that most women require stimulation to their clitoris to reach the state of orgasm. Many women do not orgasm through direct stimulation inside their vaginal, but rather, an interconnected pleasure via their clit which causes them to “think” they receive pleasured through vaginal stimulation. While this idea may seem far-fetched since intercourse is highlighted usually by penile-vaginal insertion, I can certainly back this statement up by referencing Masters and Johnson, which states that, “Most women can only achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation.” Most girls growing up do not discover masturbation because they put their fingers inside themselves, but most likely as a result of a euphoric feeling when they rub themselves against an object or when washing/touching their own body. One of my girls admitted to me the reason why she even found out that she can “feel good” when rubbing that area is because she was talking to her parents one time and sat on the arms of a chair and associated that rush of good-feel with that area of her body. As far as she was concerned at the time, her vaginal area has always been described to her as her ‘private part’ and for ‘peeing’ that she was completely unaware of the sexual pleasure which it brought. With all this said, certainly vaginal stimulation can bring pleasure and orgasm, but it is known that the clitoris’ sole purpose as part of the female sexual anatomy is to bring pleasure.
Now that we understand stimulation a bit, we can proceed to talk about the most common methods of stimulating. The most common method is rubbing the clit with fingers or the hand. Alternately a popular method called “fingering” is self-explanatory, where the girl moves her fingers in and out of her vagina. When using the fingering method, it is possible to stimulate the clit with a spare finger as well, thus heightening the feeling of sexual excitement. When sexual arousal occurs, the vagina begins to self-lubricate by releasing a substance used to make insertion easier. However, those who are experiencing “dry spells” or prefer addition lubrication, some women use their own saliva or 3rd party lube to help enhance the moment. Because the anus itself is also an erogenous zone, similar rubbing or insertion action can result in arousal. One can also stimulate their nipples by rubbing it or even licking/light bites. Household products are often used to replicate the purpose of sex-toys when they’re not available/practical. Sex toys are designed to target erogenous areas in a better method than what can be achieved with manual stimulation. For instance, sex-toys may be able to reach places that our hands and fingers may not be able to reach – or – may not be able to stimulate all at the same time. Vibrators, dildos, beads and clitoral stimulators are all meant to produce pleasure either from stimulation or insertion, most often a combination of both. Some products must be held or inserted into place while others can be “worn” so that it allows for hands-free operations. Vibrators, dildos and beads are usually inserted into the vaginal and meant to hit the g-spot or “shake in place” to help push against the vaginal walls to create pleasure. Stimulators are usually held on top of erogenous zones, such as over the clit or over the nipples. Alternate toys are also created for anal use as they need to vary in size and texture as to not damage the anal cavity. If you want something that is super-discrete, the shower head is a wonderful little invention.
So why is it great for girls to masturbate? With the most obvious feeling of a great orgasm for the girl and self-exploration, it is of great benefits for your future/current partner. There are many more women who complain about not being able to orgasm than men. Even women who are married and could possibly have had years of sex, may never have actually experienced orgasm. It is very sad, not only for a partner, but even for the individual herself. Sexual response and orgasms are not things that are generally “learned” from a partner, but rather, through the person themselves. This kind of relates to the whole, “in order to love someone, you must first learn to love yourself” – a statement that I’ve tried to communicate to my bebe, without seeming rash or that I’m constantly pressuring her to do more. For me, it is all about her and wanting to encourage her to accept her body which she has been beautifully given. This type of openness if she ever achieves it will be the stepping stones for our relationship as well because it opens our eyes to the many wonders of intimacy around us, giving us but a brief moment where we can be completely unguarded and absorb the pleasures of life and the world. The moment that a girl feels orgasm reaching, the pulses of excitement and the pleasure of vaginal contractions, I cannot think of anything else but breathlessness and clarity-of-mind for the girl. Some women feel their body is something to be shy of and lots admit they have never fully undressed and looked at themselves in the mirror. If they have, even a fewer portion has allowed themselves to inspect their body and let their hands move around. For many, the only time a girl will have done something like this is perhaps to do a breast exam or health inspection, but never to truly understand oneself. This is all meant to create self-love and foster self-confidence. If a woman is barely comfortable with looking at her OWN body, how can she accept a partner looking at her? Even like last night when I touched bebe’s face or as I held her, she was much too shy to look at me or take the time to savour my touches, but rather, probably felt uncomfortable with bodily contact which she is not used to or felt self-conscious.
I remember a conversation I had with one of my god-sis and she kept on insisting about this really “hot boy” she wanted to have sex with. I asked her how much she knew about her body and she said “not a lot” and I had asked her if she ever has touched herself or looked at her body. She said the only time she does that is when she takes a shower or gets dressed and that the touching is “not sexual”. I questioned her further, asking her why she feels comfortable having sex with a guy, yet, is afraid to have even rubbed herself or felt shy about exploring her own body. She kind of blinked her eyes at me, not knowing how to answer because I posed a challenge which made her question WHY she could accept another person groping away at her body but have never done it herself. If in fact she saw masturbating or exploring herself as being disgusting or dirty, why is it any cleaner when done by someone else? In the end I’m not sure if she did end up having sex with the guy (knowing her, probably), but it was probably a question she still cannot answer!
Unlike male masturbation, female masturbation is a particular taboo subject. It almost seems like males and female masturbation frequency/discovery is on the opposite ends of the spectrum. Most males discover masturbation at an early age and continues to masturbate frequently (and notoriously during puberty) until they reach middle-age where it begins to plateau. Females tend to discover masturbation later in life and the number of older female masturbators tends to be higher. This shows that in the past generation, masturbation was not discovered until much later on for women and it isn’t until later in age where masturbation becomes an “acceptable” and “normal” thing – and seen as a “slutty” action at younger ages. It is almost “freely acknowledged” that males masturbate and with little stigma attached to it, but when a girl masturbates, it’s almost like the end-of-the-world. Masturbation for women sometimes come about “through” their first sexual experience, then knowing how wonderful it feels, they begin to explore and adopt masturbation as part of their lifestyle. I think this is contrary to what it should be, because girls should first learn to masturbate then have sex. Certainly women are supressed when it comes to masturbation and it’s such a taboo/frowned upon thing that they ignore their own sexual impulses to curtail to what society expects. Perhaps women are quite sexual too and have ‘needs’ just as guys do, but because masturbation for women isn’t as highly looked upon, they resist the urge to satisfy themselves and therefore only forcing themselves to be unresponsive and frigid. This worries me as well for bebe – because she is so conservative and ‘proper’ that I think she may even be supressing her feelings of need, whether she knows it or not. Sometimes I can see glimpses of emotions from her trying to escape and I feel touched, but then when she realizes she “lets herself out too much” she pulls back in. While this is not necessarily sexual frustration that caused this, but speaking from the viewpoint of masturbation, had she allowed herself to submit to her emotions and perhaps carnal pleasure at some point, she would be more easily receptive to listening to her emotional responses and smoothly initiate relationship advancements. Clearly said, masturbation provides more than just sexual fulfillment, but fosters personal growth in many many ways!
If you have any thoughts or questions about masturbation, female or otherwise, please feel free to comment or send me an email! I’d be happy to answer them if I can, find alternate sources or perhaps point you to the right direction.
Although not all of it is directly related to periods, certainly, the earlier onset of puberty will inevitably mean earlier menarche and young girls who are unable to cope with changes to their body at such a young age, particularly with the early sexualization of girls. This is a repost from http://www.besthealthmag.ca/embrace-life/home-and-family/are-girls-growing-up-too-fast
Are girls growing up too fast?
Breasts at age eight; first period by age 11. Are kids hitting puberty younger–and should we worry?
By Mary Teresa Bitti
The onset of puberty for females now ranges from age eight to 13, and is typically defined as the beginning of breast development. “If a girl comes in at age nine with the start of breasts, that is normal,” says Dr. Rose Girgis, a pediatric endocrinologist at Stollery Children’s Hospital in Edmonton. “After about two years of these first signs, parents can expect their daughters to have their first menstrual period.”
While there is no Canada-specific research, a large-scale American study in 1997 showed that the average age girls get their first period has gradually fallen over the centuries, dropping from age 17 to about age 12 today.
A 2009 study from Denmark shows that girls in Europe are also entering puberty earlier. There is research arguing that the age of puberty in boys has also come down, but not as dramatically.
The many theories
Parents, doctors and the media have floated around theories as to why girls in particular are maturing earlier: Is it hormones in some of the meats we eat, products we’re exposed to that contain chemicals which mimic hormones in the body (think bisphenol A, banned in Canada for use in baby bottles), the growing trend to childhood obesity, or even the early sexualization of children via the media?
In effect, each of the theories is possible, but there is no hard data to prove that any of them is the actual cause, says Dr. Mark Palmert, head of the division of endocrinology at The Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto.
“There have been reports of isolated exposures to environmental chemicals leading to early puberty,” says Palmert. “But to say that environmental exposure is widespread and that this is why girls are now starting puberty earlier is much less clear.”
Kids are exposed to environmental estrogens or endocrine-disrupting chemicals found in everything from insecticides and pesticides to nail polish, makeup, lotion and plastics. Extensive research has shown that these chemicals send signals through the estrogen pathways that can trigger early breast development and puberty in girls.
“Have such exposures affected the pubertal development of the population as a whole? We don’t know,” says Palmert. “It depends on when, how and to what extent the child has been exposed. It’s going to take a lot of good epidemiologic data to prove cause and effect, and that may be difficult because effects can depend on the route, the dose and the time of exposure.”
The cause-and-effect link is further blurred when it comes to the impact of the overt sexuality found in magazines, movies, TV and music videos. Some researchers argue that today’s kids are constantly exposed to sexual stimuli and this might somehow trigger their bodies to adapt accordingly.
“While there is evidence that your mind can affect some systems in the body such as the immune system, there is no hard evidence that those kinds of signals are changing the timing of puberty in the general population,” says Palmert. “There is less buy-in to this hypothesis.”
One of the biggest areas of concern for parents is the growing trend of obesity in children and the role it may play in early puberty. On average, girls who are overweight begin puberty earlier. Hormones released from the added fat cells could play a role in girls maturing faster. “Again, it may be a factor, but we don’t know how much of it is related to being overweight or if this is a definitive cause of earlier development in the general population,” says Palmert.
The most likely cause
The good news is parents can relax: The most accepted reason for the earlier start to adulthood is better nutrition and health. “You need to be about 93 lb. to be able to men-struate, and in previous centuries this weight was attained later, at around 16 years of age,” says Dr. Franziska Baltzer, director of the adolescent medicine/gynecology program of the Montreal Children’s Hospital. “Today, we are eating better and we’re healthier.”
In fact, historically the earlier onset of puberty in girls was not necessarily seen as a bad thing. In the past, it was perceived as a sign of our progress, just like people getting taller was, says Palmert. “More recently, as concerns about early development have increased, researchers started looking for unhealthy explanations for it, and ideas about better health and nutrition gave way to environmental issues.”
While the health consequences of earlier puberty are not clear, and more focused research is necessary, some studies have linked early puberty in girls to increased risk for self-destructive behaviours such as drug and alcohol abuse, early sexual experimentation, depression, heart disease and breast cancer. But in fact early onset of puberty in girls is rarely a cause for medical concern.
The fact is, girls tend to follow in their mothers’ footsteps when it comes to puberty, and boys in their fathers’. “Heredity does play a role in when a child enters puberty,” says Girgis.
How parents can help kids
What’s the best way to help your child— and you—adapt? “Parents should keep in mind that puberty brings many changes—hormonal, behavioural, and some emotional confusion,” says Ester Cole, a psychologist in private practice in Toronto and the current chair of Parenting for Life, a non-profit education program promoting positive parenting skills. “So children may not want to talk to you as much. It doesn’t mean they are angry with you. They are struggling—and the younger they are in the developmental stage of adolescence, the more confusing it is.
“As parents, we have to realize that the physical, emotional and cognitive changes are all happening simultaneously and that there is no linear path of progression simply because their bodies are maturing,” she says.
According to Cole, the best thing parents can do when puberty hits is give their kids some latitude, and listen. “Positive communication and reinforcement is always important. We are good at this when they are younger, but we tend to think they need it less as they get older, particularly when they look much older than they are.”
This is particularly important as children come to terms with their changing bodies. And parents need to realize that there isn’t going to be a direct line from puberty to sexual exploration, and a sudden boy-crazy/girl-crazy attitude.
“It’s important to maintain a clear value system at home so children feel there is psychological security and a sense of acceptance while they exercise new choices,” says Cole.
So I know this video has gone viral for a while, but really, I can’t help but have to post this because after all, I’m “Men in Menstruation”… and I’m man enough to post this.. lol! So of course, nothing beats a sexy Asian girl doing a very horny-inducing video, but then there’s something that ruins it all… or well, ruin it for most, maybe it’ll make the menstrual lovers happy, hah! 😆 This video features a girl wishing her friend (boyfriend or perhaps, crush) a happy birthday… with an interesting twist to it.
This is not porno for those who might be afraid to watch:
And so as awesome (or as slutty, however you want to see it) as it is for this girl to be telling this guy “Kyle” about being hot and having a huge dick and how much she loves him… if your eyes didn’t focus already, there’s a used maxi pad (looks like an Always Long Super Ultra Thin) stuck to her chair. My problem here is not so much the used maxi pad since women menstruate and that’s what a pad is for – but why exactly is it stuck to the chair and furthermore, even if you DO leave your used pads lying around, why is it not rolled/folded up? I mean, what happens when she sits back? Wouldn’t the back of her shirt smear on that pad? I realize it’ll dry out quite fast when exposed to air, but then that’d still be rather unruly to have your back rub against a saturated pad and also the oxygen contact would eventually begin to emanate menstrual odour into the air. It’s not that I haven’t seen girls leave used pads in the room while waiting to throw it out, but they’ve taken a lot more care to wrap it up or at least put it in an “acceptable” place.
I’m sure this video was “just for jokes” – but if it’s not.. DAMN! 😛 Feel free to comment on why you think it’s even there in the first place, lol… all speculations welcome 😀
So on Wednesday of last week, I was really running low on supplies to experiment with, so I decided to grab the “best” deal I could find at the time. I’m not even going to mention the price, because it’s pretty outrageous, but alas, it was better than getting no deal at all. Of course just to mock me even more, SDM had a 3-day sale (in which I ended up buying another pack) over the weekend JUST after I bought them during the weekday at the less-than-admirable price.
Although I was not very happy with the price, I did notice something unusual about the pack of pads I picked up. There was something… different about it, I could feel it when I picked it up. All of a sudden, I noticed that the pads were reduced to FOURTEEN (14) pads per pack rather than the usual SIXTEEN (16). I looked closer and although the general shape and design of the packaging stayed the same, after a moment, the difference surfaced (now you know how well I know my pads/tampons & packaging, even 2 less pads in a pack and I can feel it, lol). If you haven’t noticed by now what’s different (I suppose only the Canadians would notice), it is that they have now upgraded to the Thermo Control technology!!!
A while ago, I had emailed Johnson & Johnson regarding when they had plans to bring the new Thermo Control pads to Canada in which they replied that they did not have any set date. Although looking around on the shelves, it seems like that the Thermo Control pads by Stayfree aren’t exactly arriving “full force” yet on the shelves, just seeing a shipment to a single Rexall store already means that it’s entering the market. Many other places might not have noticeable Thermo Control pads yet since they may still be bringing in pre-ordered stock or whatever they still have left in the warehouses. Hopefully being able to get this pack of Thermo Control in Canada is an indicator that the full fledgling of Stayfree Thermo Control pads will hit Canada soon, just as how they slowly introduced the Always Extra Heavy Overnight pads very slowly.
In general, the “features” and “highlights” of the pad and packaging hasn’t changed, however, with the introduction of the Thermo Control technology from Stayfree, it now boasts some key points. I’m sure if they bring the full line of Thermo Control pads to Canada, bebe will also be very happy as well 🙂
The Thermo Control logo is encircled by the 3 objectives: Dry, Cool & Comfortable – along with the description that, “[Thermocontrol is] inspired by high performance athletic fabrics.” I have also mentioned that I found the amount of scenting on the Thermo Control pads are much less than the regular line of Stayfree – a thing I complained a lot about. While having looked at Stayfree Canada’s site once again, it still does not appear to be bringing in the Thermo Control lines in full yet, so maybe it’s just luck I managed to get a pack of this or maybe it really is a hint! The Canadian Stayfree site is still currently listing all the original packaging and does not advertise anything about the existence/implementation of the Thermo Control pads.
After the purchase, I immediately decided to test them and sure enough, they didn’t prove disappointing at all. The Thermo Control technology really did make the top-layer more comfortable (although unusually cool), but when it came to the overall absorbency and other properties of the pad, there didn’t seem to be much difference. Also, all the newer Overnight Ultra Thins now have a set of rear-wings as well, so you can easily tell whether you purchased old stock or new stock.
Anyways, although the price was quite expensive, I’m glad I “stumbled” to this particular Rexall that started stocking the Thermo Control pads and for this discovery. Had I purchased anywhere else, I wouldn’t have found this out since several of the stores I went to afterward still had the traditional Stayfree line up and not of the new Thermo Control. Luckily I snagged another (the LAST) bag of Stayfree Maxi Long Supers at Shoppers Drug Mart on Saturday afternoon, so it did kind of make-up for overpaying beforehand.
Looks like all we can do is hope that they start selling in-mass the Thermo Control pads here in Canada, so we can get caught up with the rest of the world when it comes to feminine hygiene 😆
(I was having some major battery issues with my digital camera and ended up taking the pictures using my iPhone 4 camera… not the greatest, but done its job!)
I hope everyone has taken today to celebrate all that our mother’s have given us – particularly your life. Whether your mother is alive or deceased, near or afar, known or unknown to you, it is all important that we take the time to honour her for you are here today as a result of her months of bearing you. A mother’s job doesn’t end after the pains of birth, but for all the effort that they’ve put in to raise us. Although there may be exceptions to this, whether you love your mom or hate her, you owe this very moment you are looking at these words to her.
Happy Mother’s Day (2011) – May we all cherish what we have or had as they’ve played a very important role in our lives
As of course I am celebrating with my mom, I will be keeping this post short 🙂
So yesterday, I went with bebe for the last date of April, since today’s May 1st 😀 Of course there’s not really a significance of that though, lol. Actually well maybe, I’ll explain further! So yesterday, I picked her up from her friend’s place out. We did something quite cool and different this time, we visited a local bookstore to browser some books she wanted to buy and then in the meantime, I also found a book I was interested in. To be honest, I can’t even remember the last time I purchased a physical book. The last book I purchased was online, an eBook, and then a REAL book back in post-secondary many years ago, haha. I used to be a huge reader, going to the library and loading up a wheelbarrow each day and as I got older, either responsibilities became larger and I didn’t have time or I simply lost the devotion.
Here’s a synopsis of the book I picked up:
Opposites Attractby Renee Baron
Harpercollins Publishers | January 31, 2011 | Trade Paperback
Does your partner want to go out on Friday nights when you prefer to curl up at home with a movie?
Does your neat-freak boyfriend always want to clean up your cluttered office?
Does your wife want to plan trips six months in advance while you’re a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of person?
The truth is, opposites attract. People who are different from each other in fundamental ways often catch each other’s attention. We are attracted to the very qualities we wish we had ourselves. A shy person looks for a mate who is outgoing and gregarious to provide a social circle, and the outgoing person may need to be with someone who won’t compete with him for attention. It seems like the perfect match, that is, until those very differences that originally attracted us start to drive us crazy.
But these differences don’t have to drive couples apart. Renee Baron, a marriage and family therapist with more than twenty-five years of experience, uses the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to provide a practical program for learning to appreciate our differences, rather than fight over them. The MBTI is the most widely used personality indicator in the world. By discovering your innate personality preferences and those of your partner, you can stop having the same fights over and over again and start appreciating the gifts each of you offers to the relationship.
I was trying to avoid the whole “relationship-help” books, because I figured if I presented bebe with a book like that, she would just not read it. This book was chosen because the content doesn’t draw everything out in a “how to love each other” way, but rather, how two people (regardless of the ‘relationship’ – just lovers/friends/acquaintances) with different personality-types interact. There were also a lot of funny comics inside the book and I laughed as I was skimming through it because so much of it represented bebe and I – we have the typical extravert and introvert. Perhaps if I was more like bebe, we’d get along much easier. If we were both extraverts, we’d have no problem constantly seeing each other, rapidly engaging in conversation and probably wouldn’t be able to keep our hands off each other. Likewise, if we were both introverts (then I wouldn’t even know how we met each other, LOL) – then neither of us would desire conversation unless ‘necessary’, we’d both have our body-parts in-check and wouldn’t be touchy-touchy and we’d see each other one month at a time 😛 So as you can see, this is where the whole problem occurs, we’re people of two different “types” – but that sure as hell does not mean we can’t love each other – in fact, history has proven (even in my own family) that opposites attract. I have seen many uncles and aunties who I wonder why they would even marry each other in the first place when they are the extremes of personalities – one who is quiet and indifferent and the other who is loud and wants control of everything – and certainly there is merit in that because think, what if they were BOTH loud and controlling? Things would be explosive!
The extravert’s flow is directed outward toward people and objects, and the introvert’s is directed inward toward concepts and ideas. Contrasting characteristics between extraverts and introverts include the following:
- Extraverts are action oriented, while introverts are thought oriented.
- Extraverts seek breadth of knowledge and influence, while introverts seek depth of knowledge and influence.
- Extraverts often prefer more frequent interaction, while introverts prefer more substantial interaction.
- Extraverts recharge and get their energy from spending time with people, while introverts recharge and get their energy from spending time alone
Let’s look at the above, it’s amazing how these psychologist can “define” people and truly ‘draw us out’ as if we were simply puppets of life. I’m not going to analyze every underlying and detailed thing about us, but let’s just take the first few things that come to my head. I would consider myself an extravert, I am action oriented and it shows. I am the touchy-touchy type because to me, I perceive it as showing my love, care and sense of security. When I touch bebe, it isn’t just about being perverse or grabbing at her, but to show my feelings for her. When I “think of what to do” – the results is that invariably it comes to an action. When my boss asks me to do something, I jump in and do it and then work from there, rather than thinking it out. I know that bebe spends a lot of time thinking about things when she’s with me, she has that look on her face. Part of it is the discomfort and part of it is that she has WAY too much going on in her mind. When I touch her, I know that thousands of thoughts go through her head… things like, “What do I do?”, “Is this acceptable?”, “Do I feel for him?”, “Should we be together?”, “What should I say?” … and etc. We were in the park yesterday and I could tell there was a lot on her mind, probably not “good” things either since her mind tends to be so focused negatively on our relationship, but then again, this is where it comes down to introverts being THOUGHT oriented, whereas I would just love to hold her/touch her rather than “thinking” about it.
Bebe definitely likes depth upon forms of knowledge – I find that sometimes the times when we have the most conversation is when she likes to drill-down on a particular matter. Bebe is very inquiring and it’s cute, she likes to ask me questions as we’re going past things or whenever it comes up in her head. If she did that more often, we’d have more conversations too, LOL. Me on the other hand, I only like to know a “bit about everything” (ok, except for periods… HAHA) rather than a lot in a singular subject. That is perhaps part of why (other than for financial reasons) that bebe wants to pursue a designation, because that usually shows that you have “in-depth knowledge about X-subject” and while I like doing project management because it doesn’t show I’m good at handling ONE thing in particular, but many different things. When it comes to influence, I like being the one who “appeals to everyone” – I want people to be influenced by my thoughts and actions – the more, the better (some people call it high-profile). Bebe likes to keep a low-profile and moreover, she keeps her influence “deep” but only to a small audience, such as with her closest friends and doesn’t like to expand her influence as much as I do. In fact, she’d much rather if she didn’t expand her influence too much, haha.
When it comes to the interaction, no shit, lol. I think I barely need to explain this part. I wouldn’t call myself a social butterfly, I’m far from it… I have my close group of friends, my colleagues and then my family – who are put a small circle of people. Suffice to say, in comparison to bebe, I’d definitely consider myself having more frequent social interaction than bebe. I’m sure you see that bebe spends only a day a week, two at most with me, and only a few hours at that. To me, this is insufficient, can be frustrating and sometimes even tips the scale of annoying when she tells me a few hours a week is “too much” when the time she dedicates in front of her computer and with her friends out in ‘sauga is “not excessive.” On weekends, she usually does not see me until 3PM, meaning even if we stretch the time we see each other to 12AM, that’s only 8 hours. I understand her friend’s work and they sometimes are even in different rooms, but for her to suggest to me that she isn’t always engaged with her friends even if they are together makes me raise an eyebrow. Over a course of 1 week, I’m sure they spend more than 8 hours being “engaged” – so I hate it when people lie or try to B.S. me… I’m not the smartest person in the world, but I’m not retarded either. And I’m finding even though she’s next to me, a lot of the times we aren’t engaging, meaning the whole 8 hours is not really 8 hours. On the drive home, there’s sometimes very little talk, so maybe for the whole of it, we’re only being “engaged” with each other for perhaps 3 hours in an 8-hour block.
She is exactly as the description says, she prefers more substantial interaction, that is, “quality over quantity” – which I too agree with, although at times I wonder of the quality we spend with each other when she’s not talking to me. We used to have a lot to talk about, perhaps things were still “new” then and there was a lot happening in her life before, so she had things to talk about with me. Nevertheless, she should endeavour to “speak up” more often when we’ve had 10-15 minutes of silence, it is just weird. Shit, make something up if you have to, but it’s about learning “small talk” with people that’s necessary, both personal and in the work-world. I can’t wait until she has “more of a life” because it’s draining on me when I constantly have to try to get her to talk or think of subjects, all while concentrating on something important called DRIVING. If the 8 hours she spent with me were totally engaging, I wouldn’t even be so angry at her friends (or rather, the way she “commits” to her friends) – or perhaps I need to wait until she has more she can talk to me about – perhaps her life is a bit dry right now. Maybe we’re turning into those old couples where we’ve talked about so much there’s not much left to know? 😆 I think the big thing is she’s more of an “online talker” more than an “offline talker” — on MSN we can have really engaging and fun conversations. Social schooling and a job will really help build her character in terms of social-connections. When I say social schooling, I mean the courses where it’s necessary for you to talk to others and to be “open” in the classroom. Hopefully her upcoming courses will help her open-up and learn that you can’t just be quiet and expect to get away with it. With me, sure, I’ll just hold my temper and not make an issue of it on-the-spot, but with others, you can’t get away with it. I can feel my rage beginning to build-up each time there’s extended periods of silence. I realize it’s dead-boring and tiring to talk every moment of a date, but it’s necessary where both sides initiate conversation – if I have to constantly ask questions, then it’d become an interview. Again, maybe once she gets “involved in the community” through school and work that it will really open the doors for conversation and she can’t hide in that annoying little shell of hers. It’s not that she’s INCAPABLE of being social, look at her and her friends, she just likes to hide on me.
I spend a lot of time at home during the week, so me “getting out” is really my energy-recharge time. Each time I get to see bebe, I feel as if all my energy came back, despite how tired I may be, I feel refreshed with her. No matter how poorly my week has gone, just seeing her and being in her presence makes me feel as if all my problems are resolved. On the other hand, her seeing me is like a “chore” and “draining” on her. I realize I’m not sure exciting, but at the same time, I’m not boring either and I try to make the time she spends with me exciting – or at least – relaxing, even if it’s just a walk in the park. She likes to spend time alone, whether she’s at home or with her friends, “alone” is still where she is able to energize. I mean, I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be doing something all the time, but certainly, spending a day or two with me should not be that tiring… after all, she stays up to 4-5AM every day and is out with her friends well past midnight, so when she gives me shit about the few hours a week we get to spend together, it makes me want to freak out on her friends and wipe them off the face of the planet. I hate when I’m lied to…
So after the books, it had been on my mind that we’d get something for her mom for Mother’s Day. Her brothers are “going back home” and if we get her something, they’ll be able to take it back for us. We had walked by some magazines that her mom would’ve been interested in, but didn’t think of it at the time and we started driving back to our city. We decided it would be best if we bought it that day since they would be leaving soon and I didn’t want to forget it. We stopped at various malls on the way home to look for them and each store happened to have a feminine hygiene aisle which I took a look at. The past few weeks have been horrid when I’ve been trying to catch sales, seems like there’s a lack of sales for Stayfree, Carefree and O.B. lately, arg – I still have coupons to use and my supply is running awfully low. I mean I could’ve splurged and bought them anyways, but still. Also, I found the Always LeakGuard Maxi’s and they were 5.97 a pack of 20, holy crap! Bebe bought something which I ended up paying for – I have a feeling she wasn’t even paying attention we’re at the register, which is fine, it kind of gives me that “couples” feeling where it really doesn’t matter which one of us pays for it. I hate the way she still tries to keep everything so “separate” between us, like we have to keep a tally of everything we give/owe… it shouldn’t be like that. If I buy something for her, it’s from my heart that I care about her – and the item which I bought for her wasn’t a “luxury” item, so I’m ok with spending money on it. If she ended up buying loads of candy or whatever, then I’d expect her to pay herself.
We went to a second store, where we finally found the right magazines… in fact, 3 of them, lol. I asked her to accompany in the feminine hygiene aisle because I wanted to look at something in detail. She gave me a very curt answer, “As if you care…” (referring to the fact I don’t get embarrassed being there myself) – but the thing is, when you’re shopping with a girl, then it looks weird if the guy is in there himself looking at stuff, and totally DIFFERENT than when I’m in there myself. I’m sure she could claim that no one knew we were shopping together (since she was in the magazine section), but still, it’s just a matter of the feeling of it. The thing is, she spent quite a bit of time looking at her magazines and even when she wasn’t in the bookstore, I didn’t complain about her being there for so long… and how can she even complain to me about the 2 minutes we spent in the feminine hygiene aisle? Like what the fuck, really? (I left the latter part out, LOL). I know she likes throwing the same excuse about “comfort level” all the time as to why she doesn’t “sacrifice” for me… but I wouldn’t even call this so much as a sacrifice but rather, just normal manners… I mean if your friend just spent a long time with you doing something you want to do/accomplish, certainly giving back a bit of time for him/her is justified. I gave her my portion of the money for the magazines as a present for her mom and even asked if we should buy a card so we can both sign it and stuff. Then she said something like, “That’s all you wanted to do…” and then I asked, “Is that a problem?” Is it so weird that I’d like my name to show up on something as a gift to her mom? What is this shit? I think it’s pretty normal for someone to sign a card and at least have her know that it is “our” gift or that I am trying to “greet” her mom. I think she likes to push my buttons to make me aggressive and I’m best when I’m passive, NOT aggressive. I wasn’t planning about signing a card and putting in, “From your future son-in-law, ____” or “With love from ___” or “From your daughter’s boyfriend ___” – I just wanted my name somewhere to shows that I’m thinking of her, because who knows if bebe will even mention that it was ‘our’ gift to her mom.
I’m not sure whether she does it with her friends or just does it to me, but when we were walking through the stores, she would disappear. You would like to think I’ve gotten “used to this” because my mom did the same thing and my dad would yell at her all the time. It wasn’t until like 20 years into the marriage where my mom would actually listen, LOL… but we’d be walking and she likes to stay behind me, then she’d stop without saying anything. I’d turn around and bebe would be gone – sometimes even IN to the aisle, so I couldn’t even see her. She won’t even say, “hey, can we stop and take a look” or “hey, I’d like to check out X-section” – poof. It just doesn’t seem like proper etiquette… I never have a problem accompanying her to look at something, even if it isn’t in my interest, but at least say something to let me know to stop. I know that perhaps because we’re “a couple” she does things she wouldn’t do with her friends, because we have a different type of relationship, but at the same time, if she devotes half the time and commitment of standards to me as she does with her friends, we’d be so-fitting by now. The more she does these things, she’s not even getting me pissed off at her, she’s getting me angry at her friends because then I end up thinking, “Do you do the same things to your friends? Do they think it’s acceptable? Do you treat them like inconsiderately?” and then of course, why do you feel it’s right to treat ME like that? The more she fuels my anger towards her friends, that’s probably not a very good thing for them… lol.
Oh, between the bookstore and driving to the store, I missed the part about lunch, haha. We got ourselves some yummy sushi and stuff. We had some small chatter but we mostly kept quiet. Again, it is off-and-on… sometimes on different dates, she’ll have more/less to say to me when we eat. The night we were out in ‘sauga for a late-night dinner, we had wonderful conversations and in fact, we didn’t even notice the time as we talked late into the night. This time, lunch was not overly exciting in the conversation aspect, but I love watching her eat, it is so cute! I like to leave the food she likes more so she can have it, it’s just how I feel. I know that she knows that I do that, and always says I can eat it too, but because I know she doesn’t have preference for other stuff, I will eat up the stuff she “doesn’t like as much” so she can eat the “stuff she likes” more. Sometimes I feel like a dad to her, lol, I “leave the best for her” – maybe it’s my paternal instincts and my love of babying her, haha. On the way back to her house, we stopped at a Cold Stone Creamery and picked up some ice cream and shake. The one thing I noticed over a long period of time is that she doesn’t “share” herfood much. This is one thing I don’t know whether she does or doesn’t do even with her friends, so I can’t point fingers. However, I also know that she’s one time told me that because I’m an only child, I don’t know what it feels like to have to share. True enough, but at the same time, every time I have a MEAL or a DRINK come to me, I always offer her a taste first. If the food is individual orders, I will always ask if she wants to have something before I dig in. Likewise, whenever she gets food like fish & chips or even her ice cream, she doesn’t bother asking me if I want to try, she’ll just dig in and IF at the end there’s food left over, she’ll give me whatever is left (like I’m a garbage can). I always love sharing the BEST of things and not only with her, but I like to “share the joy” (more appropriately, 分享) good food and experiences with everyone, whether it is my friends or family – not just her. I don’t have siblings to share good food/fun with, but what I do have is that I enjoy giving her a chance to share my meal/drink too. I can understand that she might not be accepting of food I’ve slobbered all over before, but before she digs into hers, it’d be nice if she asked me – EVEN if I don’t want it, at least it is offered. The only time I can ever get a piece of something she’s eating is if I ask, which is kind of 冇癮 if I have to ask. I was happy this time she sipped from my straw to try the milkshake ^__^
Since it was rather early and yesterday was amazing weather, we discussed about going to a park. It was so nice to be walking in a park and eating/drinking our yummy food at the same time, although in the afternoon it got a bit chillier than in the morning when it was hot. I couldn’t get her to hold my arm this time, despite last time the feeling of her holding me was so warm. Part of the shittiness of it was that we were on a “trail” and lots of it were pretty much single-file. I will have to avoid going to trails in the future as it doesn’t give us an opportunity to be physical. Sometimes she so resistant with me that I just want to pull her towards me and be rough if she’s not going to “play nice.” I try to leave a gap between us as to not be “too” intimate, so she should at least understand my actions of doing so and lean in a bit. Usually even if I put my arms around her, I’ll leave a good clearance of space between our bodies to give her that “personal space” – while maintaining a bond between my arm and her shoulder. I was a bit upset at how she would hold my arm last time, but not this time, especially given that it was fairly cold and would’ve been nice to keep the warmth together. It is interesting how she can twist and bend words into her favour, I looked at several couples who walked by us, holding each other in various ways and STILL had space to walk the trial. The saying goes, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way” – as in if she wanted to hold me, she’d find a way to do it even if the trial was narrow. Alas, I promised myself I wouldn’t get angry at her declines to be physical with me (or rather, I wouldn’t get angry if she doesn’t want to do something for me, but I would be if she stopped ME from being physical with her) – so I didn’t pursue arguing with her over the semantics of it. I highly dislike her body language and that is why sometimes I need to step away for a breather, fearful I might just explode in fury – although I attribute that to her not knowing the etiquette of physical contact.
Actually, going back to lunch for a bit, she did tell me her mom suggested her to stay local (in this city) until later on this year. I was partially happy, but that still doesn’t change the fact that she will end up moving out there anyways, not that her mom told her to stay here with me, lol. The thing is that bebe staying local to me is only temporary and as much as that makes me happy for the next half year, the inevitability is that she’s going to move closer to her friends (as if they don’t spend ENOUGH time together as it is :roll:). The other thing that came up (which I’m glad she didn’t go for…) was it was suggested she just go back home to do her studies and come back here. I wasn’t all too happy about that and bebe thought it was a better idea to stay here too. I always told bebe, best thing for us both is for her to carry on here, we’ll see where the relationship goes, and then she can go back if things really don’t work out. Nevertheless, the problem with this is that now there’s a “deadline” i.e when she completes schooling, then it forces us to push the relationship faster (which might not be good to move fast), just so it keeps her here. I want our relationship progression to be relaxed and not have a deadline that, “when she’s done school and we’re still not ‘official’ then she’s gone” — I think it puts UNDUE pressure on us both. Hopefully she won’t use her school term as a determining factor. Either way, I’m pleased that bebe wants to stay here to do school, perhaps a bit for herself and a bit for me – that makes me proud 🙂
The night turned for the better as we got back to her place. Since I didn’t have any new movies she wanted to watch, most of the night we just say next to each other on our computers, talking a bit and then we watched some Ellen Degeneres – I like watching that with her because it puts her at ease (due to the laughter) and we can also snicker at the various funny parts together. The reason I like being at her house so much is we have privacy, as in, she’ll let me do things to her that she’d otherwise be shy doing in-public. She’s not the PDA (Public Displays of Affection) type of girl, she prefers the touchy-touchy is in our own privacy, which I can respect. I got to give her a massage and hold her close to me, which really made the night perfect. There was still a bit of leaning on her body which I did not like, but hey, at least she’s LETTING me touch her right? I should be grateful for that, lol. Being able to touch her gently removes that negative-edge off my mind, because sometimes she gets me so riled up during the day that I’m ready to punch-a-wall, and letting me do this totally makes me as passive and docile as a rabbit, haha. I accidentally nicked her ticklish spots a few times because of the weird way I was sitting at getting my arms around her as my fingers couldn’t get in the right position. Nevertheless, this helps me learn about her body better – because I want to make her feel good!
It was approaching midnight and it looked like she wanted to call it a night. I asked if she wanted me to leave and she said yes, so I began to pack up. I wanted to borrow a few of bebe’s pads from her because I’m running low on stock and also I wanted to see her reaction. I made sure I did not after I went to the washroom (since it’d totally be weird if I asked before, took them and walked to the washroom… HAHA) to change if I could have a few of her pads. I made sure I said “a few” as to not insinuate I’d take it all, since I’m understanding that if her period suddenly came it’d be a bitch if I took it all and she’d have to rush out to get some. Furthermore, I asked only to take the one type that was not her “treasured Asia pads” – but just the regular one she could buy here. I didn’t buy any throughout the day because it was too expensive and would like to hold-out until there’s a sale + my coupon. She gave me a very dry response, as if I was taking a piece of gold away from her or something – and I wanted to sigh at her at that point but resisted. I can’t even describe how she replied to me.. but really, I spend so much money on her regularly that I can’t imagine she was so resistant at letting me BORROW 50-cents worth of pads… I told her I’d give her new ones once there was a sale and I bought them and also, yesterday I also gave her some money to spend as she pleases… enough to buy like TEN packs of pads with lots of change to spare – I can’t believe how dejecting it was to see she wasn’t “willing” to let me take a few. Even though she said yes and I took some, it definitely wasn’t a “nice” yes.
There was a bright-light that totally melted me last night. I had written bebe a letter, an expression of my love to her – and while I don’t think it ended up touching her like I imagined it would, there WAS positivity to it. The letter was written over a 3-day period, over 2 hours a day of refining, rewriting and such. It was HANDWRITTEN which was something I’ve never done… I’ve always composed these letters on computer and then printed it out with ONLY the signature on the bottom being “written”. The entire 3 page letter from front-to-back was all in black ink and I poured my heart, soul and blood into it. She finished reading it fast (obviously reading is faster than writing), but I had hoped that she’d savour every word more, rather than rushing through it or even skimming it. I hope she’ll keep it so each day it reminds her how special she is to me and perhaps one day we can look back at it and smile. I want to do this more often, because it really is an expression of myself to her and my commitment to do things I would never otherwise do. What made the letter amazing wasn’t the fact she “gave” me anything in return, there was no extra intimacy, but the way she said “aw, thank you” to me was the most sincere and beautiful thank you she’s ever said to me – because I could actually “feel the feeling” in her words and also because she never speaks in that tone to me. Her voice was so tender (溫柔) at that moment I wanted to serious rip her clothes off, LOL. I think I got an erection, I’m not sure, I was so dazed that I avoided any eye-contact with her, in fear I might not be able to control myself 😆
I don’t expect our relationship to flourish this year… I’m sure there will be “progress” but nothing “intense” will happen. Call me a bit superstitious, but my horoscope this year says that my relationship life will be “stable, but unexciting” … haha. I think bebe’s said something about her not having a “good social/relationship outlook” this year, which may be why we both seem to struggle. So yes, while we all have control over ourselves, a part of us, the “explainable feelings” within us sometimes is controlled by fate and timing. Maybe this year won’t be great for us, but next year we’ll suddenly go from “being uncomfortable” to “madly in love” – who knows right? When I was in the bookstore, I was reading “Dating for Dummies” – it was funny and also sometimes helped bring other perspective into this. One of the quotes, I wish I could remember it word-for-word, but was something to the effect of that love is fate, but in order for fate to happen, you have to let things progress naturally. If you relax and let fate take it’s course and you are meant to be together, then everything falls into place. Think about how divine fate is… if it wasn’t for how our parents met and a “chain of conditions” and “events” that happened leading to their relationship/marriage/pregnancy, we would not be here today. Likewise, two people who are meant to be together all follow that chain and events leading up to their success. If bebe and I constantly place expectations and try to “move things in our own ways” – it won’t work because in the end, fate controls us. If we simply take things as they come, develop as we are meant to develop, fate will guide us towards our relationship’s success. One day we’ll be able to say to our kids and remind them that if it wasn’t for a bunch of things that helped bring mommy and daddy together, we would’ve never had them! Fate is so unique that sometimes it waits for the perfect moment to ripen. Right now, maybe bebe and I aren’t ready to be involved with each other – perhaps we have other things waiting for us to concentrate or to accomplish. When fate says it is ready to bring bebe and I together – it will… and we’ll finally be happy together.
I love bebe so much I think I’m going crazy 😀