Happiness is Clearly Hard to Hide

So I just got back to work, after spending about 3 hours with my bebe. The past few days walking into work, other than looking like a dump from being sick, I was asked by several of the girls at work, “Why the mopey look on your face?” … and THREE of them used the exact same expression, mopey. I rather like “mixing it up” when it comes to time we spend together, because for weeks we would see each other once on Saturday for the whole day. I’d much rather be more of a “dynamic” couple, seeing each other maybe on a set day + random days and random times. Of course it’s kind of hard since I have to play by her schedule a lot due to her awkward sleeping patterns, but on the occasion she will wake up early for me which is always a treat, like today! I do like Saturdays because it’s flexible, the next day isn’t a work day, giving us time to spend as little or as much time that is fitting. Nevertheless, having something to look forward to mid-week makes days so much better and removes the monotony of a work-week.

I just walked back into my office and it wasn’t like I acted any differently, but the girls were just out at the back door enjoying the summer weather and they were all teasing me about looking like “life has been brought back to me” as just a few hours ago when they saw me, I looked like shit. Since I never tell people where I’m going (especially when I sneak off with bebe during an unclaimed work-day), they were all like, “Gee, you look so happy you look like you just finished having sex with your girlfriend” and they teased me for a good few minutes, making me totally red in the face. Suffice to say, bebe and I didn’t just finish having sex, although we did finish having lunch, LOL. As different as the pleasure may be between sex and food, it still made me a new man. I feel renewed and yes, I’m still coughing my lungs up, but deep down inside I’m quite happy.

We went to check out a local employment centre I was recommended to seek by some co-workers, so she applied to a couple of jobs. Today I was really trying hard to be on my best behaviour, I by “best” – I mean trying to avoid her feel under pressure. As she was doing her forms, I walked away to give her space rather than breathing down her neck and I made sure I was distant enough where she wouldn’t feel like I’m monitoring what she’s doing. I kept myself occupied for quite a while until she finished her initial stages of the application. The second phase was to search for jobs in the binder that suited what she wanted and also that she had the experience to fill. I sat next to her and grabbed a different binder to read through the jobs for my own interest while she browsed and filled out the applications to specific jobs. As we finished up, we left the building and decided where to go for lunch.

We opted for something close-by and ended up going to eat Vietnamese food. We had some decent conversations in the car and at the restaurant and she even took the initiative to start a conversations while driving, which was very nice for once! As we neared the end of the meal, I was trying to finish up my coffee quickly since I could tell she was getting antsy. Of course it was also hard for me to rush it because it was slow-filter coffee and I was already pushing down on the filter to get the water to run through it quicker. It was even annoying for me waiting for my drink to be prepared while bebe had to sit there and fiddle since there wasn’t much to do or look at, so I don’t blame her. Waiting while someone’s drink is slowly filtering isn’t very exciting, lol. I know she was trying to pay, so I had to make sure I was prepared. I did let her pay the extra coins at the end and the tip, but just she was trying to be all “independent” this time, she insisted on pouring her own tea and stuff. I’m not sure whether she’s just trying to contribute or she wants to create this ‘separation’ and shit like that… or perhaps I’m too babying of her? Oddly enough Poh Ching and I are just talking about babying girls and stuff since it’s the right thing for a guy to do ^__^

Poh Ching has the same funny (well, if you want to call it funny) issues with her boytoy right now and I do with bebe, trying to bring that nice “dependence” together and removing that “guilt” of doing something for each other. Likewise, when I do things for bebe, she shouldn’t need to feel guilty as if she’s using me or that she finds it “hard to accept” that a guy would enjoy and feel honoured to do something on her behalf. I actually enjoy doing things for bebe, whether it’s giving her a massage, helping her run errands or doing things around the house… I think all the years of independence and feeling as if it’s a “weakness” to need someone else to help you has been drilled into her too much. Some girls see a guy feeding her as being stupid or if she’s crippled – other girls see a guy feeding her as being romantic and emotion-generating. Bebe likes to point out to me a lot that she doesn’t want me to think that she’s using me because of the things I do for her and really, I don’t believe that she does/would use me – she’s just not that type of person. Furthermore, let’s just say IF she is using me, I’d still be more than willing (and perhaps some may claim foolish) to LET her use me, because it makes me feel good either way. Yes yes, love is blind and sometimes stupid, haha 😆

Even though we cut the date short today, I transferred a movie to her which she wanted me to get so she can watch on her own. I did also ask whether she wanted help with anything else in which she responded “yes” (yay) and gave me a few extra minutes to be with her and show her I care! I would say that after all the kerfuffle we had on Saturday, today went pretty good. The smile she gave me even when I walked through the door was super nice and I think she’s just a bit embarrassed about what she said/happened more than I am. I try to be one of those “forgive and forget” type of person, I might be boiling in the heat-of-the-moment but I can’t stay mad at her long. I also dislike carrying grudges and stuff like that, unless it’s a major incident, so usually by the next time I see someone, I act as if nothing negative has happened at all and that’s how I approached her this time. Obviously in her mind she may think how terrible and awkward it might be to see each other so soon, but everything felt just like normal for me, although I had to resist the urges to put my hands on her.

Again, I tried hard to respect her need for space and I’m not sure how she viewed my actions. Perhaps she may misunderstand that I’m angry or upset with her and that’s why I try not to stay parallel with her or something or that I walk away from things. If I’m by her, I’ll feel the need to hold her or ‘take care’ of her or something like that. At least if I walk in front or behind (preferably in front), I don’t have that physical proximity to her and also trying to avoid making HER feel pressured. I don’t want to appear “standoff-ish” by being too distant, I’m only trying to give her that space she needs before she feels comfortable enough again to be ‘closer’ to me. Of course I don’t explicitly tell her these things, so I only hope that she understands what I’m trying to do. I guess I can’t determine this time whether the hug felt the same, after all, there’s germs all over my body and I’m not sure whether she kept it short and distant because of that or whether she still feels shy about that whole conversation we had. Either way, I’m just darn happy we got to see each other and that she’s still allowing me to see her.

My heart feels a lot better now that I see that she’s “ok” with things and that we can stand hang around each other. I am of course hoping that it was the whole germs/coughing thing that kept her away, since even the last time before I left her place after she gave me ‘the talk’ (lol, I’ve named it that, haha), she gave me a super tight and sweet hug, so it wouldn’t make sense for her to be more distant this time than last. I do have a pretty bad cough, so I wouldn’t doubt that she wants to stay healthy herself and I shouldn’t be too blaming over that! I just get mixed signals from her because it’s like she ‘motioned’ for the hug since she put down the things she was holding that way she could embrace me, so it was a situation of almost like half-wanting it, half-not. Again, trying to understand women is like trying to define the meaning of life, haha. Ok, rather than me dwelling on something small like our hug, I’m just going to concentrate on these hurdles we have to get through. I figured this would be a good week to give to herself, so we’ve postponed activities to next week, particularly when I’m feeling good enough where I’m not coughing so hard it makes me want to pee myself.

As I was leaving, she whispered that she hopes that I, “Get well soon…” which made me melt completely. Because bebe is not a particularly expressive person and she doesn’t like it when she has to explicitly express herself,for her to choke out something like that is hard for her. Over time, this has been something that I’ve just adopted to, I used to try her to get her to say things rather than just implicitly doing something. Just like last time when she returned into city because she wanted to spend time with me and her period started (which she knows I love), I asked her, “Did you return for me?”… I know she did, but I asked because some things I “like to hear”… to the contrary, she’s one of those people who like to, “Do it and not be high-profile over it.” She kind of reminds me of the way my dad loved the family, he’d do all sorts of things that showed he loved us, but would never wear it on the corner of his lips. My mom on the other hand (who I follow after when it comes to this type of stuff) like to be “reminding” of the things. As I was walking away and she said that, I turned around to ask her what she said (because I had my bluetooth headset plugged in already which cancels out exterior noise) and she repeatedly it very quietly with that shy/embarrassed look on her face. It almost killed me and I could’ve fainted on the street, LOL! I acted very nonchalant, said thank you and continued walking, but deep down inside I felt like that happiest person ever, haha. Although being sick from all this stuff that’s happened isn’t exactly great, but just to hear those words-of-care made it all worth while!

I know that working our way up again will be hard, just like any other time, but there’s one thing that’s for sure is that this is a great experience for both of us, because it not only makes our relationship stronger, but also gives us that endurance to know that life is not meant to be easy and that with HOPE, PERSISTENCE and LOVE, it is able to overcome the most troubling things that life can throw at us. Initial failure is kind of like our body’s immune system. When never subjected to infection, germs and bacteria – a single illness would make us gravely ill or on our deathbed. When a person is subjected to safe amounts of immunization, infection, germs and bacteria, our body becomes stronger and can deal with sickness better. As hard as trying to make this relationship work has been, I’m sure BOTH of us know very well that if we are able to make it past these rough stages, it’ll all work out in the end and be extremely rewarding. I think it’s with that “vision” of success which helps us stand up every time we fall. I’m very lucky and blessed to have a girl like bebe in my life and if there’s anything that I feel lucky to have in this life besides my family, is her!

I just stepped out to the washroom as I was typing this post and the girls at work are still grinning at me from knowing that I must’ve had a wonderful time with my bebe to return to work in such a cheery mood! They’re right though about happiness being hard to hide. For the guys and maybe the “experienced” girls who know men well, for a few days I actually had “problems” getting excited over bebe… in fact, I felt no motivation to satisfy myself. However, I can already feel excited over bebe again and that my heart it once again filled with JOY and I feel RELAXED. I’m sure those who know, a guy usually will need something very devastating to happen in his life before he loses the will to “enjoy himself” – because most guys enjoy that very much! To not be able to do that indicates some severe problems and now that I feel that sigh-of-happiness to sit back and fantasize about my sweetheart again, I know that my body is slowly returning to normal and along with bebe’s well wishes, I feel like I can battle the world 🙂

About Prexus Swyftwynd

Probably not a good idea for you to know anything about me....

Posted on June 10, 2011, in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Ugghhhh woke up so early – wt a waste of a wkend!! So wt u planning to do, nethg w/ bebe this wkend? Think u r getting better? If nt, go c doctor la. Since woke up so early, going to go down to clubhouse to workout then, mebe the cute boy will be there too 😆 Altho suck waking up so early, vry happy to hear tht u had a smooth recovery w/ bebe n’ continuing wishing u all the best AND MORE 😀

    • Nope, I just went out with my girls to catch up on life, have fun and eat some food, yum! I’m actually feeling well enough now since Sunday and today has been good, only a few chokes here and there, but that’s it. I think by tomorrow I should be clear of any coughing and from there, it’s just going to be clearing out the ‘taam’ and I’ll be as good as new! I totally regret crying at night now… that’ll teach me a lesson never to do that, because all that shit just drains down from your eyes, nose and into your throat and ends up wreaking havoc… or actually, I’d prefer just to NOT cry at all from being hurt. Hopefully I won’t have to once our relationship goes back to normal 😀

      So did you bump into Mr.Cutie? 😛

      I wonder if bebe went out to ‘sauga today… she appears to be missing. I would have hoped she’d actually “tell” me before she left… not so much she has to ‘ask’ me, but at least be like “hey, I’m heading out to my friends” or whatever… I mean she’s always had in the recent months and if she thinks that she can play those ignoring/not-telling you games again, then I’ll just go back to tracking her -_-“ Of course then I’d be a complete asshole if I didn’t verify whether she really did go out to there or not, or whether her friends just came in to visit her or whether she met up with other friends, so before I go bothering her about leaving town without saying anything, going to get my facts right first. I know she’s yelled at me a few times already about assuming things all the time, so I’m going to collect what really happened first before freaking out, lol. I stopped tracking her in the first place to show that I trust she’ll be more respectful of just updating me what her plans are and because I don’t want to snoop on her constantly, but if she can’t respect that I feel comfortable knowing her intentions to spend time with her friends (again, this isn’t about “reporting”, it’s courtesy…), then she’s throwing me back into old habits again.

      But then again, is this also simply as a result of her hitting her stress-point on Saturday that’s caused her to withdraw a bit? Should I give her the benefit of the doubt just to give her some space and time to relax with her friends? Maybe all that sleep deprivation, she just needs some time with them to help wear her down so she can get a good-night’s rest. I know how much not being able to get sleep sucks, so I know how important sleep is (albeit I wish she had a more normal pattern, lol) and that it’s also necessary to get sleep to support a physically and psychologically healthy body. Sometimes I sit there and argue with myself, what actions I make next will be best… is it better if I satisfy my own curiosity to track her or should I suck-it-up and be blind to where she is, who she’s talking to, what she’s talking to about and trust her independence? For 2 months now that bebe and I have been on good-terms, I haven’t really felt the need to figure out where she is and what she’s doing, yet when she’s exhibited this “I’m going to ignore you because I CAN” attitude in the past feel days, it has made me feel I need to take this back into my hands where since you’re not going to be upfront about what’s happening, that I’ll just find out myself and act surprized when you’ve told me where you’ve been. What a conundrum! So much contemplating to do… I want to make the right decision that will make us both happy, where it satisfies the feeling of trust she has in me to inform me of her plans/activities but also satisfies her need of space and privacy. I don’t want to be lead to making the wrong decision by how she’s acting, yet, I also recognize that it’s not easy for her to recover from the speech she gave me so easily to look me in the eyes until she has time to resolve that anguish within her.

      Playing cat-and-mouse is seriously no fun, when I spy on you and you spy on me, lol… SOUNDS fun and maybe intially it seems like a cool challenge to take on, but then sometimes you also dig your nose into something you really don’t want to know about… haha.

  2. wow good for you.

    • Heh, hopefully it’ll get better I pray. Relationships are always tough, but it’s when you see those small successes that it becomes all worthwhile! I hope that bebe will also appreciate me and through that appreciation, generate that feeling of love for me. Because the “feel” for me was more natural, doing things for her just seem so normal. In her case, because I have to foster this feel and make her BELIEVE in that I’m the right guy, love doesn’t come as easy for her. Nevertheless, “where there’s a will, there’s a way!” 😀

  3. OMG… did J talk to u abt her plans already? I kno she told me she wz going to talk to u abt it, but she didn’t say whether tht wz b4 or after she talked to me. I can’t believe it, is she reali considering an abortion?!! I didn’t even kno wt to tell her or the rite thing to say. I dun want to be the one tht ends up being “the deciding factor” of whether she ends up killing a baby or nt… but then I also dun want her to mk a decision she’ll regret by keeping the baby… Wt do u think or has she nt asked u for ur advice yet? I thot they were alwayz so safe too…

    • Well she told me that pretty much I was “one of the first to know” – lol, not sure if she says that to everyone or whether I was really one of the first few to find out, haha. She’s talk to me on several occasions about it already and yes, she is considering getting an abortion. You know my stance on that though, it takes TWO to get pregnant, so if you’ve created a life, you shouldn’t end it on the account of it being an “accident”. When you have sex, you are fully aware that pregnancy is POSSIBLE and if you choose to take that risk, then you should also accept the responsibility. I’m not all too surprized about her getting pregnant, at the way she does things, I always thought that it was something that was bound to happen around the corner, lol.

      I understand what you mean, I don’t want my words or thoughts to her to be a deciding factor either, although I guess if she’s asking us as her friends, that she values our opinion… in the end, I hope she makes whatever decision she feels is best and right… just that abortion is also a huge toll on the body as well and is also quite damaging for future pregnancies if she’s considering having kids later. I know abortion techniques have been improved a lot, but with any surgery, there is risk and consequences. Also, our ‘advice’ to her means we also have a life of a child on my hands and I definitely don’t want to be recommending her to be a “murderer” or something like that, especially when we are not her family or her boyfriend.. or well, don’t even know if he’s a boyfriend or just some guy, LOL!

      I think she tries to make what she’s doing sound safe… but she’s not on birth-control and even the things they do that she tells me about are quite unsafe. Condoms only work properly when it’s used effectively and sometimes the things she tells me immediately sets off alarms as to how “safe” she really is… and that I equally blame the guy since it is BOTH their responsibilities to ensure that they stay protected and not take the risk if they aren’t ready to have a child together.

      I only told her what I think, I did not give her any ‘answers’ as to which is the “right” thing to do… only she and the boy will know and I don’t think it’s in our place to really help her make that decision.

      • Crazy la… can’t believe stuff like this reali happens, lol… feels like it is a dream or smthg, kakaka. Gd thing didn’t happen to me 😐 Nt tht I dun want a kid, but nt even married yet lor!

        Ohh… so Frankie told me u two went to shoot today w/ him, had smthg to get off ur chest? 😀 LOL! I heard you won by a lot this time, haha… u been training a lot lately to get such gd aim? Or did u imagine sm1 on the other side of the targets? xDD

        Orrr… unless u’ve been sneaking bebe in n’ shooting with her a lot now 😛 Ooohhlalal… kakakaka.

        She told me she wz using condom too… obviously not a very good job, kekeke.

        • Probably ripped the condom without knowing, LOL… she’s quite clumsy with things, I don’t think she’d know whether the guy was using a condom to begin with, if the guy told her “I am” she’d just believe him without even checking or even feeling he’s wearing one. You’d be a great mom, can’t wait until you have kids soon so I can hold them!!

          Yes, I went shooting with him, lots of pissy moods on me lately, I’m worried that if I don’t shoot paper targets, accidents might happen to bebe’s friends, because bebe likes to poke at the big bear (me, haha). I did get the steam off me and yes, that’s probably why I won Frankie so bad, I had a motive and the anger there to make near-perfect shots. I’ll scan the results when I have a chance, I actually thought a lot of my shots were off because I couldn’t see the penetration through the scope, but once we reeled the targets back, it was quite clear without counting who won. It’s not that he’s a bad shooter, I think I happened to have the frustration that day to make it super-accurate, haha.

          I did sneak bebe over one day to shoot with me… she’s quite an excellent shooter which is kinda scary, especially for someone who claims to be a first-time shooter, lol. I’m glad she got a tour of my house and we went for a walk in the park I grew up at, although, that was the same day which she went to meet her brother’s friend unexpectedly.

  4. It would almost seem like that your girlfriend (or however you want to refer to her as) really likes to play tough with you, trying to demean you as a man. Have you thought about carrying out one of your ultimatums or to actually consider acting out to show her you are serious? I’ve noticed you seem to be one of those guys who will “say” but not “do” and that you will just let her run you however she likes or always make her feel as if she’s under control. If for once you showed her that you are willing to do something extreme, perhaps that would get her attention to treat you more seriously, that you aren’t just a PUSHOVER and that she can do whatever, without consequences.

    Even though you have established that her friends are her ‘weak-point’ so to speak, have you spoken or “persuaded” any of them to treat her differently so you can have more time with your girlfriend? Have you otherwise told them to ‘back off’ that way your girlfriend may actually see you have stepped up and actually CARRIED OUT something? The thing is, you are quite soft and although you say you have dreams about hurting her friends or “giving them something to think about” – if you haven’t done it, your girlfriend will just see it as if you’re “just talk, no game” and for a girl, it’s hard to take a guy seriously if you can’t show her that if you say it, it’s going to happen.

    You know what they say about how the girls always goes for the jerks and the badboys and there’s probably quite a bit of truth to it. You spend so much time trying to please her, yet she uses her friends to rattle your cage, so maybe her friends also need their cage rattled a bit and that way your girlfriend will stop thinking that you have no guts to actually DO something to them. You can constantly talk about how much you dislike what her friends are doing (or even how she’s using them as an “escape” from you), but if you don’t act and show her that you’re not just ‘kidding’ when you’re displeased with her friends, she’ll just keep on doing it knowing you will succumb to that.

    I find that if you’re rough with women, they’ll actually take you seriously… if all you let her do is push you around because she knows she can, then she’ll just keep using the same dirty tricks to piss you off like running off to her friends place. If you can scare her friends enough where they won’t even accept her over in fear you will actually carry out what you say, then it reminds your girlfriend to not take you like a fool and that she can get away with hurting you without remorse!

    • I wouldn’t say she’s trying to demean me.. that’s not really something she’d do… It’s because she lacks that ‘feel’ and thus the motivation to take me in as a boyfriend at the time. While I do not that feel is necessary in a relationship, feel just makes things EASIER. For instance, with feel, she would probably be more willing to ‘take chances’ or to be more ‘exploratory’ in the relationship. Likewise, I also believe that she puts MUCH effort into helping her develop those intimate feelings for me. In fact, it takes a lot more work on BOTH our parts to make a relationship work when one of us lacks feel, but at the same time, take great consideration into cherishing the relationship. At no point do I feel bebe takes this relationship for granted or the way I feel about her, rather, she just has “blockages” in allowing herself absorb my love for her and to reciprocate it. Suffice to say, relationships work out because two people are willing to commit themselves to the betterment of it, not simply because feel is the only binding-glue for the relationship.

      “Feel” is almost like a catalyst, it speeds things up and makes things react… with the absence of the catalyst, it just means things move slower. Also because we’re both different people in terms of our personalities, it takes adjustment, compromise, understanding and acceptance of our differences. With tolerance, even the most unlikely couple (and I’ve seen LOTS of them) get along well in their lives. To answer your question, have I thought about issuing an ultimatum or some kind of “final strand” for her? Yes ‘thought about it’, but am I ready to carry it out yet? No. The situation is not desperate enough where I feel I need to do something severe. If she suddenly pulls back a lot to the point of seclusion, then perhaps I will take things to a more severe step. I’m a person who will do as I say, if the necessity becomes so… I don’t do things for the sake of doing it just to prove a point. Take for example the world stance on war. Everyone hopes that war doesn’t happen and everything can resolve peacefully. We have weapons and WMD’s that could blow everything up by the push-of-a-button, but there is little desire to use it. You don’t just blow things/people up just to ‘prove a point’… you use it when need-be. Likewise, I’m not going to do something that I can’t take back unless I truly have to and also resorting to force is something that will permanently create a gap. I want bebe to naturally feel ready and comfortable to be with me as my girlfriend and to treat me like a boyfriend. I can force her into it or even scare her friends into not associating with her as much and that will cause tension between us (as in bebe and I). I know bebe doesn’t see me as being a pushover because if she did, she wouldn’t have those guilty feelings over me and to put effort into actually LOVING me. If her intention was just to use me, she knows she could easily accomplish that and not have anything to lose over it.

      Her friends are her weak-point because even as she gave me that talk, it was very clear she grabbed all the responsibility upon herself to make sure to take my concentration off her friends. She much rather actually hurt my feelings to tell me that she purposely goes to her friends place to ‘get away’ or to stay-out-of-town just so she doesn’t feel pressured to have to “oblige” to me. All those words were very hurtful, yet I could tell she was trying hard to move my targets away from her friends and as such, she’d much rather sacrifice my feelings rather than even imply it was her friends fault. She’s trying to absolve them of any wrongdoing, so that I wouldn’t be angry at them or consider actions against them. I think by trying to make her friends sound innocent in this matter only made me think even MORE about how her devotion to her friends is so deep she’d be willing to deflect things for them, so therefore her friends is still a large weakness to her.

      Another thing that I keep my eye on are the guys she seems to “get along” with and oddly enough, she posts messages on Facebook to guys and have done so on mine only once or twice. While some of those guys are not local in Canada, they are still a potential threat to me. Again, it hurts me very much when she will rarely make wall posts, comments, likes, etc. on my facebook, but relaxingly do so to others. Although she tries hard to ensure that these posts don’t surface on mine through security settings and even deleting traces of ‘actions’ on facebook, I wouldn’t be so easily defeated by minor facebook securities. She hides a lot and the more she hides, the more I will uncover.. it’s almost like those suspicious-teens walking into a convenience store, you keep a closer eye on them than you would with someone who isn’t acting suspiciously.

      I don’t want to be rough with her, because bebe isn’t the type of girl you can be rough with. Even though she’s “hard” with me on the outside, deep inside, I know I mean a lot to her and that she struggles daily with her own heart, trying to figure out WHY of all things a guy can treat her so well and that she can put so much effort into the relationship and still can’t feel that spark. I know that besides frustration with me, she even has frustration with herself. By being forceful or agressive with her, it is only reinforcing her own feelings of disappointment and that is not what I want. I want to encourage positivity, letting her know that I see these efforts, they are heart-felt and that the things she does for me makes me very happy. I concentrate more on telling her all the things she does that makes me feel great, rather than reminding her of all the things that make me feel bad. I want to break that “self-blame” cycle of hers where she feels like she’s doing something wrong. It will take time, effort and perhaps a right mixture of environment/circumstance/timing to help bring those feelings of love out of her.

      Perhaps her daily life needs to change, from being a carefree student, to a working adult… or perhaps something that changes what she “sees in life” – a life-changing event that will help her feel that my presence in her life is precious. Nevertheless, I do not feel that right now (or hopefully if EVER) I will need to “show that I’m serious” by doing something that I cannot step back on. By invoking FEAR in her, this only proves to her that I’m not even mature enough to handle a relationship. I want to show her we can both be great partners and lovers in this relationship and that together, we can accomplish great things in life. Fear would only work if “she loved me, more than I loved her” and that you can only use fear-tactics for a while. The tactic I want to use on her is called LOVE, and love is something that is everlasting and something that can bring joy, happiness and allow us to overcome the biggest challenges of our life!

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