I’ve been thinking lately, I’m pretty embarrassed over my own feelings for bebe. No, I don’t doubt my devotion to her, but rather, my feelings for her have grown.. uh… rather strong. Until a while ago, I’ve had pretty strong emotions for bebe and stuff, but I’ve always tried to suppress my “other” feelings for her. My feelings for her not only have gone from emotional, but even now physical/sexual. When I say I feel sexual towards her, it doesn’t mean I want to throw her on the bed and start having my way with her, but it means I get excited by the thought of her.I know these are pretty normal feelings, particularly for a guy… but it’s embarrassing for me.
Bebe, unlike other girls I’ve been with, isn’t one who is the touchy-touchy type or enjoy physical intimacy in a relationship. Hopefully in time I’ll break that barrier and she’ll not only “accept” physical intimacy, but also embrace and enjoy it. I’ve been so happy with how things are going between us lately… the only thing that has bothered me that I’m trying to get over is what I just spoke about, the lack of physical comfort. Even when I talk about just wanting to hug her… she gets all quiet on me or just ignores me. It makes me hurt a bit, but then I keep reminding myself she just needs to experience once before she knows how comforting it is. I mean hugging isn’t exactly a “oh-my-god, he did what?!!” type of move… I would even dare say that hugs for the most part are not highly-sexual in nature. Bebe still seems very avoiding of physical contact and it sort of bugs me, and I’m sure she’s aware of it… but I want to do as much as possible to melt that barrier. Why is it so hard? I need to understand… sigh.
Nevertheless, I think about how much my feelings for her have grown. One might wonder why being excited over your own girl might be so unusual and it’s not, but when I think of her and become excited, it’s not even because I’m thinking of dirty things about her. I don’t think about her nude, I don’t think about her doing sexy things, I simply think about her and I already get excited and horny over her. WHY?!! I don’t even think sexual thoughts about her, how can I get sexually excited?! I mean, I could completely blame just being male and that’s why, but usually I have to think about a girl sexually before I even get excited, but with bebe, I just think about how beautiful of a person she is, inside and out, that it gets me all riled up over her.
When I talk to bebe, I swear, my eyes glaze over, I get hot inside and I start to swoon over her. She’s SO DAMN HOT… and since when, I ask myself. When I first saw her, I just seen her as “just the average Asian girl”… small, cute and lovable, but I could not recall when I began to just drool over her… I think I need a bib. I’m starting to believe that the way you view physical attraction changes over time as you get to know a person better. Suddenly things about their personality, helps amplify their physical beauty as well… in other words, beauty is also an acquired taste. I hope that in time, I will become more attractive in bebe’s eyes… I’m not even concerned about how others view me now, as long as bebe views me in a positive light. I’m not hoping that she’ll see me as not having any faults, but to learn to love me for who I am. If I can see her as being more beautiful over time, then surely, she can see me as being more handsome over time. I hate to think that because she’s doesn’t “like the way I look” that it prevents her from being physically-close to me.
Some girls also look even hotter when they’re angry and ferocious. I was watching a TVB series today called When Lanes Merge (情越雙白線)… and there’s couple of scenes where she’s angry and ferocious, she looks so frigging amazing. Bebe can look a mixture of scary and totally drooltastic when she has her “angry look” on… 😆 – In all reality, I think I can find perfection in every look she has, haha… could be her best or her worse and I still say it’s great XD
So tomorrow, I’m finally headed out on a beautiful 18-hour flight to Hong Kong. I’m excited to see my family! On the topic of my blog, I’ve already marked a few feminine hygiene items worthy of purchase and testing while I’m there 😀 In fact, this week there is a Kotex Whites Slim w/ Wings XX-Long on sale @ ParkNShop ($20.90HKD/pack) this week which I’m hoping to get a chance to snatch up before it ends! I’ll be hunting for some good deals so I can test them while I’m there and also, I’m sure my friend Amy has some presents waiting for me already 😆 I already know that as I mention this, she is going to ask me “Is Bebe going to buy some for you when she comes back?!!” ‘cuz she’s been asking for a while, haha. Well, I guess we’ll find out whether bebe remembers to get me a souvenir (although very different than what most people get, LOL)… I’ll update as soon as I get a chance, especially if I get some pictures of Asia’s superior pads/tampons! 🙂 Cheers and enjoy your holidays everyone.