Another random-thoughts post today… well, not perhaps completely random since it was inspired by a conversation my friend and I had, but parts of it is! How many of us has ever had a significant other ask us, “Do I look fat in this?” and there never is a proper answer that doesn’t result in a punishment, lol. Yes yes, it’s very cliché, but, it leads into the thing I pondered today, about fashion and about our special-someone… male or female! (although males tend not to ask the “fat” question).
I ask of my readers to think or even comment… when in a relationship, do you have certain expectations of fashion for your significant other? Do you want your s/o dressed in a certain manner because he/she appears more attractive in that type of style? To be honest, I’ve never been “big” on the whole fashion thing… when I was in elementary school, sweatpants was my thing. Yes yes, I received quite a bit of laughs from peers, but whatever, I wrote them anyways… when I went to school, I had the mentality that I wasn’t there to become a fashion statement, I was there to be educated. By the time high school arrived, I switched over to the “cool thing” to wear, which were jeans. Then oddly enough, when post-secondary came around, going to school was no longer a fashion competition… some people were late/tired enough to walk into class in their PJ’s (and you can tell those who purposefully wear PJ’s as a fashion-statement versus those who seriously weren’t prepared). People didn’t make fun of one another because they were wearing the latest styles or fitting in with the trends… just having clothes on was good enough!
Since I began working, my clothing styles have changed considerably, moving away from the more “younger look” to the more “professional” look and my dresser definitely reflects that. Many of my t-shirts, jeans, shorts, etc. have all been stashed in farther-to-reach corners or in the “weekend” section of my closest. Although my workplace has extremely loose dress-codes (and enforcement, or lack thereof), I prefer to still follow by them and also because I feel I look much more presentable in business-casual. Knowing that my girlfriend prefers jeans and t-shirts, I remember going on a date once in a very casual clothing. Honestly, I didn’t like it… but hey, whatever makes her happy 😛
On one of our more recent dates, she casually mentioned that she really liked my business-casual style, because I appear to be more well-kept and I’d have to say it was quite a flattering comment and from then on, I dressed in the way she liked… a more professional look, even for casual dates. Obviously when girls say these things, it takes an idiot not to remember, lol. My only big gripe about going from work to her house is that generally I’m not smelling my best … after all, I just finished a day of work and the deodorant only takes you so far… lol and guys.. trying to cover up your smell of shit with cologne is not effective 😛 Although I’m not rancid because I’m not a labourer and tend not to have to break a sweat, but I sure as hell don’t smell like I just came out of the shower. She has never commented on my dress style much and it’s really nice of her. I know I don’t “dress the best”, don’t have the “best fashion sense” and I don’t have impeccable hygiene (just GOOD hygiene). I don’t have crap stuck between my teeth, my breath doesn’t reek, my pants aren’t ripped and my hair doesn’t appear to make me look I just came off the street (minus the dry-flakes from the hair growth formula I’m taking… I wish it didn’t shed like that).
Suffice to say, I also don’t have huge expectations that my girl would go “above and beyond” for me either. I can’t (nor would I) force her to wear “something sexy” – I simply maintain a standard that as long as she doesn’t look too much like a guy then we’re good – lol… that’s not a lot to ask for, right? I don’t want her to wear loose jeans or something like those “gangster” guys who have their ass-cracks revealed because their pants are so low and honestly, I wouldn’t want my girlfriend wearing extremely revealing things anyways. I’m afraid I’d have to rip too many guy’s eyes out for staring at her.
Here’s a conversation a friend and I had yesterday on this topic (thus the inspiration to write this) and here are some excerpts of it which will help stimulate your mind into thinking about this topic…
[Black text is my friend’s message… red text is mine]
hey wana ask u something
would you expect her to dress up , lets say when you take her out to join your friends?
she’s a jeans girl rite
she doesn’t really dress up now anyways, lol.
would u expect her to wear more make up(if she does?), and pretty herself more? like wear a cute skirt
nope, she doesn’t
she does wear stuff i like though
i have certain things i prefer she wears
she does that
well just certain t-shirts make her look better
and certain tops
i asked her about wearing skirts before and she only has once
she said this might change in the future, but for now, she’s just a jeans and t-shirt girl
which is fine
in a way, she does “pretty herself up” since she always smells good, looks nice and will choose clothing i like
but nothing extreme
just maybe “more than usual”
but most of the times when i see her, it is me coming from work
so i usually smell and don’t look my best
so you dont pus her to wear skirts or dress more often?
like on dates with you?
of course not
it’s her body
her choice of clothing
i’ve made mention of it, but she says no skirts probably
since she doesn’t HAVE any
makes it rather hard
i mean, yes, it’d be nice if she was girly-girl sometimes
but i can handle the way she is
lets say, you have an nformal gahtering with friends, YOUR friends, n u bring her along
i’d want them to see her the way she is
u’re so damned nice
the only time I told her i’d expect her to dress up
is if the place we’re going to
like a nice restaurant
i repeat, ur so damn nice
my ex wants to show me off to his friensds
but u two aren’t dating O.o
like: “see my gorgeous gf?”
in the past
im just analysing
my ex told me to dress up wheever we go for gatherings
but i said his frens dun dress up
we hang at each others(freind’s) houses
why shd i dress up?
he said he’d like to show me off
as tho im a freaking show girl, a crowd pleaser, entertainment girl?
i hate wearing skirts at gatherigns at houses because we all sit on the floor, n such
in a relaxed manner
not a formal, stiff meeting
so chances for me to chao kong is alot
so i avoid skirts
his friends wear simple old shirts – he expects me to dress uP?
well every guy wants to show his girl off
it’s a normal guy thing
we like to compare EVERYTHING 😀
but u dont?
why do u think we measure our dicks?
u said u dun make her wear skirts
i’d show her off, but show her off with whatever she’s wearing
she’s beautiful in every way
so why does she need a skirt?
this is a great blog topic
gotta write this down
ok, i know guys like to compare
arent you supposed to be happy with yr girl, hwv she wants to dress?
i mean, thats her
thats why ur with her in the first plce
i tried to discuss this issue to my ex
but he said “if u think im bad for asking you to look pretty, up to you”
i was sad back then
most people say im good-looking, in my jeans
wihtout a speck of make up
it seemed everyone except him saw my beauty
Anyways, after some food-for-thought, how much do couples cater to each others expectations of dress-wear? Do we often expect too much, only to find disappointment? How much of a “right” do we have to expect our s/o to dress a certain way? Would you change your (or to what degree) of your fashion if your s/o asked you to?
Which then leads me to the next topic of beauty. Beauty is an extremely LARGE topic, so I’m going to choose one particular one today that I pondered while watching a Chinese show. Growing up in an Asian environment, there is a large emphasis (err.. maybe I should say this is quite common around-the-world now, but more so in Asia) on being thin. I don’t mean being “slender” or “toned” or “fit” – I mean thin as a stick. I was talking to Poh Ching today on how I crave to be thin again because I am too fat to which she replied she didn’t think I was fat. Perhaps being submersed in an extremely Asian family, my definition of “too fat” is any guy who weighs over 130lbs (which I would be categorized over that weight). Likewise, I have read many blogs on WordPress about Asian girls who have posted their “success” on becoming size 0 (zero). To me, a girl like that is stick-and-bones and although I dare not ask what my girlfriend’s size is (or risk getting a swift kick to the nuts), I’m not particular to girls who have barely any meat left on them. I’m not into necrophilia, so I have no interests towards a girls’ skeleton.
With that said, a female chef who was a regular guest in this show called “Beautiful Cooking” or 美女廚房 definitely caught my eye the very first time she showed up. Her name is Kit Mak (麥潔兒) and while she may not be voted Miss HK by any means, I found a lot of beauty within her, through her in-show personality (which I’ve seen her on shows other than Beautiful Cooking), listening to other actors/actresses speak about her and from her physical appearance. To Asian standards, a lady of this size is considered “large” and many Asian guys will likely “overlook” her due to her “large” body size.
Perhaps in this picture it is not apparent because of the coverage by her clothing, but she falls under the “larger” side of typical Asian women, and it’s particularly noticeable on her face, arms and legs when revealed. Her beautiful smile along with her tomboyish voice will definitely changes your “at-a-glance” opinion of her. She’s not one of those girls that I drool over or pass-out if I were to meet her in person, but I’d definitely say that just because she’s large, doesn’t mean she can’t be beautiful.
Our society, particularly in Asia, our ideals of “big” and “small” are quite extreme. Many of my girl-friends in Hong Kong continually tell me that they want to “lose weight” when I already tell them that if they already look superb. Setting health-complications aside from being overly thin, I think it actually looks (what I personally call) “unhealthy” when I see a girl who are disgustingly thin (to my standards). I fear any type of action upon them would result in them being crushed. Heck, even my girlfriend who’s not stick-thin, but super duper cute n’ small – even I’m afraid of crushing her if I were to bear-hug her or something 😆 .. wouldn’t want to kill her now. With that said, Asian standards place a large percentage on what we perceive as beauty as the body size of a woman. As you can see with Kit, she embodies beauty without a size 0 body.
With my girls, I prefer to think of their body size in terms of healthiness and not so much using raw numbers as a measurement. My greater worries of a “large” girl would be health complications, much more so than her just being a few pounds heavier. Likewise, an extremely thin girl can also suffer the same problems and don’t kid yourself, someone on either end of the scale can be extremely fatal. Whether a person is underweight or overweight does not necessarily determine all their health statuses, but certainly, is a decent indicator.
In many places of the world in ancient times and even as recent at 1930’s and 1950’s, ‘big women’ were considered beautiful. How much our society has changed in defining beauty through an abnormally slim waistline! Personally, I find it appalling when I see girls with “assets” that are large, but with an extremely small body. I’m a believer of proportions and it really ruins the eyes when you see bodies that seem disproportionate to the rest of a person’s body and this holds true for guys and girls. A girl I knew in high school had these extremely large breasts… “large” is probably an understatement… but she was bent on keeping herself under 110lbs. Goodness… her breasts probably weigh half of that and yet she wanted the rest of her body to be the other half! As much as all the guys drooled over these huge honking tits, I wanted to throw up, because she had no body left after her breasts consumed it all.
I know every once in a while, I’ll tease my girlfriend (in a completely-joking capacity) about the foods she eats, the sedentary lifestyle she has and worry that she’s going to be “fatter than I am” – but in reality, she’s very beautiful. Although she may change in the future, body-wise, for better or worse, who she is inside doesn’t change. Do we as humans, often look for beauty in all the wrong places? Do we crave for the women who walk down the streets half-naked or shirt far down enough to see her nipples? Do girls crave for guys who have this nice ass (Poh Ching… LOL!) only to realize that’s where we take our shits from? There are so many forms of beauty and as humans, we are often blind to things until people point them out for us.
To wrap it up… I’m a big fan of “Bubzbeauty” (a.k.a Bubbi) or Lindy Tsang, a well-known online beauty expert… and since we’re on the topic of “beauty”… god damn. Heck, my girlfriend is beautiful too, but I’m sure she’d shoot me for posting her picture up, so let’s just go with someone who doesn’t mind having her pictures plastered over the internet 😛