Found a nice little article written by expert Dr. Teesha Morgan.. thought it’d be a nice post for everyone who struggles in their relationships with their special-someone. I know I’m not alone in my situation and there are many more like me, perhaps even some who are more deeply pained than I am, so perhaps if people just took a bit of time to acknowledge that love is not just all easy and painless like we see in movies and dream-up in fairy-tales.
1. Thou shalt drop the Hollywood love theme and acquire realistic love life expectations
Relationships may start out in a blissful state of awe-inspiring romance, however this is called a ‘state’ or a ‘stage’ for a reason. When two lives eventually meld as one, the result can be tedious, mundane and exhausting. It is therefore up to you to keep that spark alive because no fairy godmother is waiting to hand you glass slippers and a prince reared to perfection.
2. Thou shalt combine duties and chores to become a team
Science has shown us that women often take the brunt of household chores, even when they are trying to juggle a job as well. Ask your partner to help split chores more evenly; the lessened household workload has been shown to increase sexual desire in women and decrease stress on all accounts.
3. Thou shalt banish your acting prowess and quit pretending nothing is wrong
Pretending you’re fine when you’re not benefits no one. This simply chokes communication lines and creates resentment and anger. Become an adult, and express your feelings.
4. Thou shalt not strive for the title of gossip queen
Although tiaras are fun to wear, this crown should not be one you’re proud to prance around in. Gushing out all your relationship problems to your girlfriends may help you blow off some steam, but bashing your man behind closed doors does nothing to improve your relationship, or your image.
5. Thou shalt be yourself
Faking an interest in hockey or a love of video games will do nothing more than place you on a phony pedestal and lead you on a pathway of misguided love.
6. Thou shalt take control of one’s own sexual satisfaction
No man is a mind reader, so if you’re not communicating a solid and specific thumbs up or down on his performance, then you have only yourself to blame for not reaching the highs that true orgasmic intimacy can bring.
7. Thou shalt not take on another lover (unless your partner may do so also)
8. Thou shalt have a life outside of the ‘we’
If we become too consumed with our partners and our relationship, we forget about ourselves and our goals to become a better individual – individual being the key word. Don’t become so involved in the ‘we’ that you lose a piece of yourself.
9. Thou shalt not obsess about obtaining bodily perfection
No one is perfect, even the airbrushed models we glamorize. The more we worry about our weight and stress about our imperfections, the more reserved we become sexually and the less beautiful we feel. Opening up your imperfect self to another is the first step to true intimacy and acceptance.
10. Thou shalt not try and ‘fix’ one’s partner, as they are not broken
The more we view our better halves as in need of mending, the more we project faults onto them and blame them for our unhappiness. Work from the inside out. Whether it’s personal or relationship based, only you can start making changes for life-long happiness.
I really like reading love articles, because I enjoy pursuing self-improvement. I know that I, along with every human in this world always has space to improve upon themselves. Although I know bits and pieces about love, I always enjoy learning more and seeing how I can be a better man and a better lover. Suffice to say, this is kind if like school… you can only learn so much, as experience is where you face the real-deal, but at least having a good foundation and knowledge will only help to better the situation! I want not only to be able to love bebe even better, but I also want to help her find ways to love me even more. It’s much harder for you to love another person than to give them reasons to love you, or at least, perhaps in my scenario.
I know some view it as silly to bother with reading relationship articles because it seems worthless, but to me, it sheds light on things that sometimes I don’t seem to be able to find answer to or things that I see from a different angle. Remember we all have different perceptions of relationships and love and sometimes being able to “hear the story from someone else” allows me to readjust my thinking. Sometimes when I spend time with bebe, I try to remember things I’ve learned, experiences I’ve been through, while maintaining my own individuality. I’m not going to “follow everything” like you do in school as if this is a ‘manual of love’ or ‘instructions’ – but rather, extract ideas and concepts pertinent to our situation to help us love each other.
Once in a while, I have to rely on my friends just to cheer me up and set my mind straight when it comes to dealing with bebe. Every day, I endure a lot of stress, headaches and pains over trying to steer our relationship in the right path and having support gives me that strength. I really liked what my friend said to me XD gave me such encouragement, haha… and a good feeling! Of course I wish I got the same encouragement from bebe herself, but I guess I’ll just have to rely on friends to cheer me on until she will 😆 For those who didn’t know, Chinese New Years just passed a few days ago and getting excellent greetings and kind-words carries far into the year! Isn’t this great what my friend said to me about bebe and I? 😀
Uh huh, now let’s just hope this dream comes true soon, haha. Actually, I’m not so much concerned about the marrying part… we still have tons of time, but I’d sure like to get some progress into this relationship.. something realistic. It’s going to be an uphill battle because I’m trying hard to help bebe ‘have a life’ here… she’s kind of returning smack in the middle of winter and it’ll probably be super-depressing for her and it’ll really make her frustrated with how life is in Canada… it’s kind of a bad time to return since she’ll just be stuck inside her house and that is why I really want to give her a lifestyle that’s a nice mixture of realism and fantasy. Of course I want to help her find a job or at least something to make her days bearable as well as be able to spend time with her so she doesn’t feel like she came to a country to sit inside a jail-home. It’s cold and the conditions are bad outside, but I don’t want her to feel as if she’s alone here, she has ME whenever she needs me. I know she doesn’t have a habit of “relying” on people, but it’s a matter of simply having time to spend together so we don’t feel as lonely… this goes for both her and I.
We are a great couple and I can be a great boyfriend, she just has to give me a chance! I find that trying to secure a lifestyle for her in Canada is giving me more stress than when I was trying to find a job, LOL! But hey, what kind of guy would I be if I don’t show any type of effort for her right? This better pay off… hahahaha… I’m very easy to please, I just want her love! We’ll put all that physical intimacy aside until her arms are ready to open up, I just want her heart for now, especially for valentines day!!
Something for everyone to think about.. people ask me why if bebe shows so little towards me, that I can endure all the pain and somehow, cry myself through the night and wake up in the morning as if nothing happened… and I give them these quotes:
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.
1942-, American Author
And why is it so persistent that I’d rather stick to bebe than to look for another girl who may more easily submit to me and love me with a lot less effort than her?…
Love (understood as the desire of good for another) is in fact so unnatural a phenomenon that it can scarcely repeat itself, the soul being unable to become virgin again and not having energy enough to cast itself out again into the ocean of another’s soul.
1882-1941, Irish Author
Bebe is worth fighting for, being brave for and risking everything for…. and my love for bebe is not as simple as giving her up, moving on to another girl and believing that I can love that girl like I love bebe. It may sound like I’m just “settling for her” just because… but you misunderstand, I am settling for her because I love her and I want to spend my life with her, however short or however long that may be.