Ah yes Halloween, how many years ago I was excited for a day of running rampant on the street and collecting candy and treats for hours, completely unaware of the cold temperatures and potential danger that lurks behind unruly vehicles that don’t watch out for kids. Today, I sit cozy in my home distributing candy to cute little kids and smiling faces – to once reminiscence childhood and the carefree, no-responsibility life. I am not resentful, because all people will grow and phases change. Where we once were a baby, we shall become a kid. Once a kid, we shall become teen and slowly we move into adulthood where when we look back it makes us smile. Hopefully everyone has great memories of being young and certainly, I know people who wish nothing but to forget about their childhood horrors. A cute little girl, 2-3 if that came to get her candy with her mom. It was the cutest sight ever, mainly because it also made me think about how bebe and I would hold hands with our little child(ren) to go Trick or Treating 😆
I just saw a long-lost friend the other day at work, turns out he got married just a few months ago at 31. Gosh, I guess I shouldn’t be rushing quite yet since many people are choosing to marry at 30ish, especially for guys. I still have quite a few years to go before that, time for me to learn, time for me to mature and time for me to understand the responsibility of being a good boyfriend, husband and future father. I look at bebe, still carefree and void of many responsibilities for now, although I completely understand that for years she’s been taking care of her brothers, both younger and older – something that I greatly admire. I think and wonder whether by rushing her too much I am ripping this freedom away from her, just being graduated and still feeling out the world. At the same time, I cannot deny my own feelings for her and wanting to make our way towards a successful relationship. Of course, everything starts with the first step and although we’re not progressing at the speed I would wish, just having her around is already one solid footing to furthering our development. There are times when I have deep pangs in my heart whether she’ll still be the same girl when she returns, not because something there changes fundamentally who she is, but rather… 心散 (similarity to “distracted” in English, or -loss-of-focus). I mean there should be no guilt from feeling carefree after a long vacation but really, I wonder if she’ll feel the constant allure to go home and leave Canada for good. I’m fearful and I really am – there’s nothing I feel I need to lie about or pretend it doesn’t bug me. I’ve always been an upfront person, I say what I think.
For many, today’s significance are kids running throughout the neighbourhood, but to me, a big significance is that it’s my mom’s birthday. Years ago this day, my grandfather and grandmother gifted my life with a great mom. They brought her into this world and in turn, my father and mother brought me into this world, grateful is the only word that comes to mind. When I was young, it was hard for me to make birthdays for my parents really special. Over the past few years, being more financially stable and stuff, I’ve been able to set up some nice things for them. Sure, it’s always the thought that counts, but some things, you really need money to pull off. We went out for lunch with one of my mom’s best friends, then we headed to Niagara Falls Avalon Theatre for a show. The show was “Dancing Queen” – and a favourite of my mom after she went and saw a live-performance of Mamma Mia, so this was a similar performance of many ABBA hits. I got some tickets for free being a VIP at the casino (can you tell I go there a lot? LOL) and we got some nice seats, right up front, but not so close where your neck goes stiff. She loved it and she got up to sing/dance with everyone. I think everyone can attest to nothing being more glorious than seeing someone truly enjoy something. I yearn for the day that I can book tickets for bebe and myself to enjoy something like this, have dinner after then perhaps a walk along the fall – very romantic.
When we got home, the kids still weren’t on the street yet, but you could tell the atmosphere was slowly filling in. As 5:30 approached, you could hear the streets fill with laughter and knocks on the doors. The number of kids in our neighbourhood has shrunk significantly. Years ago, it was my friends and I on the streets running house to house. As we live in a more mature neighbourhood and fewer young-couples, it will not be until my friends and I begin having kids that this area will repopulate. As years pass, we hear about older neighbours passing away from old age and it’ll be a while before these houses are captured by new families or those with little children before the area flourishes with new life again.
I must digress though, back to the show we went and watched, I must say that I think it has reawaken my love for white, blond girls, haha. Gawd, those girls were damn fit, this amazing curvy, yet solid, flat-bellied body. Of course all of them being dancers, all had the “ideal weight/sculpture” Even the guy’s bodies made me jealous, nice abs and solid chest… although for some reason, I swear guys can never “fully” get rid of fat because you could still see that while they were amazingly in shape, they still had that typical “male love handles”. The girls were just wow, that same blond girl that’s been in 3-4 shows made me do a second-take on her. See, there’s something about white girls that Asian girls have problems holding up is the body structure. We’re not talking about breasts because there’s plenty of Asian girls with big boobs, but just the general curvatures, seems like Asian girls – NO MATTER HOW FIT – don’t seem to be able to replicate. Even that 80 year-old-guy next to me was commenting to his wife (which made me laugh) how “sexy” the blond girl was on stage, haha 😀 It has been so long since I’ve done a take-two on white girls, I’ve long-gone past that stage of appreciating white girls. Probably since post high-school, I’ve gone back to loving my Asian girls.
The show was very thrilling because it was engaging while providing moments where you can just lie back and dream. I’m pretty sure it’s obvious who I dream about in those romantic moments of the show where the male singer is singing passionately and lovingly to a girl and even through rejection he continues to push forth. To me, that reaffirms that I need to be more strong and put up with the adversities which relationships bring. It dawned upon me that although the little physical contact that bebe shy’s away from, I have a feeling that through the 2 times I touched her hand, one time that I’ve held her hands, if you lined up a bunch of girls, blind-folded me and asked me which hands were hers, I’d probably figure it out 😛 See, they always do these things at pre-wedding or wedding parties, where they see how well they know their own husband/wife. Although bebe and I are far from being a “physically involved” couple, I’m pretty confident that I could tell her apart from just any other girl, haha. Maybe someone will challenge me at our wedding one day XD Every person has tell-tale signs that give themselves off. I think I’d be able to hug out, hand-touch, voice-recognize and smell which girl is bebe. It’s not like I’ve ever (and if I did I’d probably get slapped) purposefully sniffed out bebe, but every girl has a very distinct scent that I’d be able to know whether it’s really her ^__^
So yep, in about 8 hours I have a morning meeting (urg), so I better get to sleep. Thanks for checking in, period-content to come soon! Still so many days before bebe’s back here in my arms, but I have my own holidays to look forward to and then survive another month afterward before her return! Every day gone is one day closer to the beginning of a nice new life for us, happily ever after 🙂