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Discovering Your Sexuality

Today I went and enjoyed a Christmas show with one of my girls & another with one of their boyfriend. I’ve only hung out with this boyfriend a few times and although we don’t know each other very well, we get along great whenever we get together. We skipped lunch and got to Niagara Falls, Fallsview a few hours early, that way we could hit up the Grand Buffet in the casino. We figured if the show started at 7, getting there at 4 would give us a good 2 hours to eat and an hour to blow our money… and yes, no winnings this time again 😦 sad!

You may wonder what my post title has to do with my little story and it really has to do with some conversations struck-up by the boyfriend – we’ll just call him J. The show itself was a lot of dancing and of course, lots of girls. When you pair dancing and girls, what do you usually get? Lots of nice tummies, boobies and invariably, “open legs”. I guess J and his girlfriend don’t go out to see artistic shows much because obviously he was enamored with bouncing boobs, up-skirt shots and the physique of the performing girls. It isn’t that I don’t agree that those are all wonderful things, but having seen quite a few shows now, the “excitement” isn’t there as much just because the girl is flying through the air and you can see between her legs. I think the first time a guy sees it, he’ll think, “Wow, this is so damn hot!” but you become accustomed to it after a while and it is just part of the show. Yes, certainly in some shows, particularly Dancing Queen, it was undeniably sexy with lots of revealing clothing, suggestive themes and stimulation, I no longer have that oh-my-god reaction. Throughout the show, he felt the need to point this all out and I didn’t chastise him since after all I’m a guy and I know what guys think.

What made me feel a bit weird was he made many comments about the girls on stage (of course quietly enough where not everyone would hear), but his girlfriend was within earshot right next to us. I mean we’re guys and as guys, we’re pretty damn naughty and downright disgusting 😛 As much as I’d like to say that I’m differently, if you’ve ever noticed, put one guy apart and he’s a gentleman, but a few guys together and we’re savages. Likewise, put one girl on her own and she’s a lady, but a few girls together and they’re just as bad. If you haven’t seen a few girls together oogling and drooling over some cute boy, then you need to get out to the mall more often, lol.

I agree that the girls on stage are all quite pretty, some more than others and although they share things in common, such as their near-perfected bodies and ample assets. Obviously being in show-business, I wonder how much time they spend working out to have sculpted arms, legs, bust and abs. I hate girls that are too built, but these girls had those nice abs but not the ones that’d make you puke – nice flat tummies with muscles in the right places. It would make almost any guy or girl jealous seeing the performers in their toned-body. Nevertheless, I’ve always been the type where if I was with my girlfriend, I wouldn’t go mentioning other beautiful women around her. It just seems wrong, makes the girlfriend feel awkward and perhaps even make her dissatisfied with herself. I know they have been dating for 3 years and perhaps are more “lax” with things, but I know if I were with bebe, even if I saw a beautiful girl, I wouldn’t dare make a comment within earshot of her or point it out to her and say “oh this girl is pretty” because it’s just not a gentlemanly thing to do. Just “between the guys” I can see a conversation like that, but not when you’re with a girl you’re with!

I put myself in the same position, if bebe saw a really cute boy, I wouldn’t want her to point it out to me or hear her talk to her friends about it because it’d make me feel very lacking and “not good enough for her if I were to hear it, even if that might not be the case. It’s not that I can’t accept her looking at other guys per se, I mean there’s plenty of more beautiful people than bebe or I, and I’m sure we’d both look, but there’s no need to point it out or make it so obvious that you start making your other-half feel bad. I was trying to “hint” to him to tone it down since I could see his girlfriend starting to be disgruntled with her boyfriend while he kept on telling me about all the “sexy things” he saw and how he’d want to do the girl and stuff. One of the girls Mikael, the lead actress has a beautiful body, face, voice and even has that “電” or “come-hither” allure that makes it look like she wants you and I’ll admit that it’d make a guy take a second-look. I tried to change the subject and although I successfully got him off it, he trailed off to another conversation in which he asked, “So [my name], when did you realize you liked girls?

And from there, the girls had already stood in line at the coffee shop since we walked around the block outside to see the falls a bit and wanted to sit down. We had a very interesting conversation over some coffee and cake. I think I’ve spent very little time contemplating that before. As far as I know, I’ve always liked girls and it wasn’t something I needed to be “taught”. My parents have never sat me down and be like, “Ok son, so you’re supposed to feel attracted to females“… it was just something that “occurred”. As far as I can recall, I got my ‘first kiss’ in Kindergarten (and obviously “kisses” then weren’t the with-tongue type… rest assured I got kissed, I wasn’t the one kissing!) and even at that age, it was already my natural connection with girls, I felt girls were attractive and boys were not. After thinking about it, I believe that sexuality is something that’s connected simply to natural growth progression and genetics. I remember when I was talking to a gay-friend before, he simply said, “Liking guys was not something I learned, I simply FELT it.. just how you like girls, you felt it, you didn’t LEARN it.” – and he’s right about that. There wasn’t really a time I doubted myself whether liking girls was my thing, I’ve been interested in girls from a very young age (beyond the whole menstruation thing :lol:), I didn’t think, “Gee, I wonder if I like guys…”

J asked me when I started liking girls… if I can even remember when.. I mean, how do you even define a time-frame like that? It isn’t something that “happens” on a set-date, where do I even start calculating a date for that? LOL… I think at some point or another, kids all “play doctor” and that’s where the exploration of male and female bodies come in, but growing up in a conservative family and having adults around all the time at home limited how much “trouble” we could get into. I highly doubt at any point any of my girl-friends and I were ever nude when playing doctor. When we played doctor, I think it was more of a “I’m going to give you an injection” more than “I want to inspect down there”. Suffice to say, growing up in the current era is probably a lot different than when kids were really innocent and we didn’t know any better. As far as my conscience memory can recall, there was no conscience “thought” on my part to like women – it just was and is – there wasn’t a decision making process involved.

The question that J came up with, as simple as it may seen, really got me thinking. Sitting in the show, both of us guys are admiring the beauty of the girls on stage, yet, where did these feelings come from? Neither of us were told we had to like girls. There was no said-guidance. It’s as natural for us to like girls as natural as a homosexual guy would feel attracted to another guy. As I was writing this blog, I searched on Google, something along the lines of, “When do boys start liking girls?” and came up with about 1.2 million hits. I browsed through a few and it turns out I’m not along, apparently Kindergarten is quite a usual reply, although I reckon that we are all “pre-programmed” to feel attracted the the opposite-sex, same-sex or even both, before we even realize and it just happens that it “surfaces” in Kindergarten due to exposure to boys/girls at school and that Kindergarten is usually the youngest age that people still have vivid memories about. I still remember quite a bit of my 4 year-old life, perhaps even a bit of when I was 3, but definitely under that, it is blurry and probably not very detailed accounts of it.

As the night came toward 10, we decided we’d start calling it a night. The coffee and cake were delicious, although we totally splurged (cake/coffee is usually quite expensive as it stands, let alone in Niagara Falls tourist area), so we stood on the cafe balcony a bit to enjoy the fresh air and beautiful water-mist view and walked along the edges to feel the crisp air through our lungs. It was a great 7 degrees Celsius out, comfortable enough to stroll through without being bundled up, but not warm enough not to require outerwear. The night was great, minus an awkward situation I managed to get myself in. As we were walking along the pathway, the girl and her boyfriend were clung tightly on each other (which to be honest, made me jealous that bebe wasn’t the one clinging onto me as we walked) and I admired the fact they were doing that and then the other girl just rest her arm around mine and I was totally shocked. Unfortunately my natural reaction was just to drop my arm so she couldn’t put hers around mine. She relented and I think she felt very embarrassed. I felt embarrassed having reacted like that and doing that to her. I mean it isn’t the first time she’s done this and I really don’t mind having a girl holding on to me usually. It was just at that moment she did that, I was thinking about bebe and how romantic it’d be to one day soon spend a night like that just strolling and when she hooped her arm around mine, I “felt” it wasn’t bebe and just shook it off. I felt soooooo bad for her and it made things really awkward because even in the dark, I could see her face turn red. It’s not the same that the girl who tried to latch on my arm isn’t bebe and subconsciously, I can’t even accept that anymore. For any other girl to hold me under such romantic circumstances just doesn’t feel acceptable and even if at one point I was ok with that to “casually” let a girl hold me, my body practicality rejects any other girl who comes into intimate contact with me. I don’t deny that the atmosphere was very alluring to just want to hold the closest boy/girl closest to you, but when such a coincidence that I was thinking about bebe and someone who’s not her tries to do that, I had a pretty natural instinct not to allow it. Suffice to say, we kind of kept our distance for the night (which was fine, because it’s not the same…) and it was kind of an unsaid-thing and being one of my girls, I’m sure she understood the situation. I didn’t mean to be so cruel, but I also couldn’t lie to myself and pretend that girl was bebe when it isn’t. Alas, I can’t even feel for another girl, even when the mood is so right… I think that’s the Heaven’s way of saying, “Don’t even THINK about being with another girl other than bebe!

And so, I dropped them all off… got home, played an hour of games and here I am writing this and about to fall asleep 😀 Enjoy the night!

Mariah Carey – All I Want For Christmas Is You

I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There’s just one thing I need
I don’t care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is…
You

I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There’s just one thing I need
I don’t care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don’t need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won’t make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You baby

I won’t ask for much this Christmas
I don’t even wish for snow
I’m just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won’t make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won’t even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeers click
‘Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
Ooh baby
All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children’s
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won’t you bring me the one I really need
Won’t you please bring my baby to me…

Oh I don’t want a lot for Christmas
This is all I’m asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is…
You

All I want for Christmas is you… baby

Dedicated to my bebe, forever and always! ❤

Hong Kong Quickly Approaching

I can’t believe it… just a bit over 3 weeks and I’ll be escaping the start of Canadian winter. Of course, I’ll also be back smack in-the-middle of it too! I booked my tickets during the summer holidays and can’t believe it has dawned on me already. I was out at Mississauga yesterday with one of my best girl-friend, hit up some shopping, talked for hours, got some bubble tea and lazied around her house. She was all excited about me going on vacation to Hong Kong again and said that it’s just around the corner and I was like, “No way, it’s still months away” and she’s like, “Uhh.. it’s less than a month silly!” Just moments ago I remember it being the start of the school-year and working my ass off and time has flown by just like this. She gave me a small list of things to get her because she won’t be coming back with me for another good 3 years when she has her finances better-settled and have vacation days available. Given that I didn’t even know departure date is coming so quickly, I still have to write down my things-to-pack, particularly getting my laptop travel-ready and my unlocked Blackberry so I can stick a HK-SIM in as soon as I arrive. I have a feeling I won’t be getting a data-plan this time, which means no emails outside of a WiFi zone… which Hong Kong is saturated with as it is anyways.

My friend’s boyfriend went to a stag party, so she ended up staying quite a bit with me and pretty much chatting my ear off. Slowly it was approaching dinner time and I think she began to get tired and she ended up falling asleep on me. I didn’t want to move and wake her up and it just didn’t feel natural for me to have a girl other than bebe lie next to me. I mean, I’ve known this girl for 25 of my 25 year life, we’ve done almost everything together and there are almost ‘no barriers’ between us… but yet, I can’t stand having another girl lie on me anymore. I felt so shy, so ashamed and perhaps even slightly uncomfortable. I know in my heart that I’m not cheating on bebe because my best friend got too tired and nodded off, but it just didn’t feel right. I tried to fall asleep myself since there’s no point of me staring blankly at the walls, but I just couldn’t because the girl who’s curled up by me isn’t her. After an hour of doing nothing and trying not to breathe too hard, she finally woke up and we went out for dinner then called it a night. She did get me a pack of chocolate which I ashamedly admit I’ve finished already, LOL… just can’t say no to Godiva 😆

I will be gone for a good 34 days and although that’s a month and a bit more, it’ll fly by just-like-that, it does every time. I haven’t even arranged where I’m going to stay yet, although I do hope that the place we rent out is vacant so I can stay at it again and have a place to myself… or stay at my cousin’s place which is nice too 😀 I don’t know how often I’ll update this blog from December-January, although I don’t want to see it die or people become disinterested. I’ll definitely try to keep content active, although not sure how often period related, and I might even get the liberty to take pictures and add information about all the cool pads and tampons found in HK!

Just to think that a month after I return from my vacation, bebe will be returning to Canada too. It has been so many months and she has yet to say a word on me on MSN. I’m amazed at women’s ability to override their own conscience … or perhaps 良心 better described in Chinese. It’s like they can push their own thoughts and feelings away somehow and have total disregard for it. Does she think about me? Does she care about how I feel? Does she know she’s hurting me? How can she go about knowing she’s hurting me? … and more importantly, I just want to feel secure in knowing that when she returns to Canada, we can start a new life together. I can forgive everything she’s done to me because really, the past doesn’t matter. All I care about is the future, the future which her and I will share together, for better or worse. It’s 6 months she’s had practicality no contact with me, maybe a bit of time for her to grow, be with her family and friends, but I’m not an obstruction, I’m not here to remove freedom from her, but I want to be the guy who brings her happiness, stability, comfort and security. She sees me as some kind of hindrance as if I will prevent her from spending time with her family or consume her life. I think it’s a terrible way to see a relationship, I just wish she’d be more realistic about what relationships REALLY are about, it isn’t a matter of spending every living moment together and losing independence.

I guess Hong Kong will give me away to perhaps lift my mind from bebe, even for a bit. Instead of being 13,000 KM’s away from her, I’ll only be 2,500… damn that’s close! Hell, I’ll even be in the same time zone as her and if anything, my heart will feel that-much closer to hers. When she’s sleeping, I’m sleeping and knowing that I’m dreaming of her and that she’s always on my mind.

I can’t wait to take some amazing pictures with my new camera. It seems like every time I go to Hong Kong, I take certain pictures always from the same angle or even the same scenery, but there are some shots that are worth getting repeats of and mainly because unlike Canada, the rate at which landscape changes in HK is maddening. From what I’ve read, Hong Kong has already had (since 2 years ago), added a plethora of new subway stops and has extended their subway lines to “suburban” areas already. Where our family resides, there’s a brand new subway, train, taxi and bus station in-service, so the pictures that I took last time standing from the same spot and facing the same way probably has considerably changed.

I’ll try to squeeze one more period-post in before I leave, but I really don’t know which topic to choose since I have written down so many to talk about 😀

The Righteous Brothers – Unchained Melody

Oh, my love
my darling
I’ve hungered for your touch
a long lonely time
and time goes by so slowly
and time can do so much
are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
Godspeed your love to me

Lonely rivers flow to the sea,
to the sea
to the open arms of the sea
lonely rivers sigh ‘wait for me, wait for me’
I’ll be coming home wait for me

Oh, my love
my darling
I’ve hungered for your touch
a long lonely time
and time goes by so slowly
and time can do so much
are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
Godspeed your love to me

Friday Fun and Moping

Looks like another Friday has dawned upon us, crazy! Today was pretty relaxing – left work at about 1PM only to arrive at a site to be told, “Oh… by the way, I should’ve called you to tell you our problem was fixed – sorry for wasting your time coming all the way out here.” I sure as hell was glad it wasn’t out-of-the-way and was on the way home anyways. Looked at my phone and it was only 1:30… surely I cannot leave work that early, can I? Being the good employee I am, I decided to stay at the site and survey the area for work that needs to be done. Talked with the contacts in the building and was only 1:45. Well screw it, I’m going home early today, the boss’ car was gone anyways when I left, so he won’t be around to check on us anyways!

Got home at 2PM and didn’t want to cut the grass that early. The sun was shining hardcore and although the breeze was very nice, under the sun for about 5 minutes and you could feel your skin burning already. I know the UV rating wasn’t very high today, but I dislike heat as it causes discomfort for me. My cell rang, crap – oh wait, good, it’s not work! Turns out got a call from one of my girls asking me if I wanted to catch an early dinner with them because they were doing a “girls night out” and were going to the movies afterward. I told them I could go with them, so I rushed to mow the lawn before my mom came home and would complain about how ugly the grass looked. My lawnmower is self-propelled but moves at a fairly slow pace so I pretty much had to push it along to reduce the time it took to finish.

I took a short shower, got dressed in something more casual and met the girls for dinner. Obviously we all paid for ourselves 😛 I had a kicker because they always want to have a reason to get together, not “just because.” As we were sitting in the restaurant, we couldn’t figure out something to cheers/toast to. I jokingly said, “Hey, ____ you’re on your period right? How about we give a toast, to the beginning of your period!” and I laughed jokingly. All the girls faces lit up and they all accepted and we had a reason to celebrate, because one of the girls period started 😆 – guess that’s as good of a reason as any other! They had to finish dinner quick and split after a few hours and I went home to watch some series.

Got a call from my friend as I just stepped through the door. He asked me if I was home all excited about something. I said I just got back and he said he was coming by. That is unusual because most people ask if they can drop by (other than girls – they’re always welcome at my house, LOLOLOL) rather than “telling” me he’s coming by. Sure enough even before I get to the door, he’s pulled in the driveway and I finally saw why – he got a nice, new car! His 5-minute car-showoff turned into a 2 hour impromptu conversation on my driveway. He did ask if I wanted to go for dinner, but I had ate with the girls earlier already so I wasn’t feeling hungry.

During a TVB drama, I saw one of my favourite male actors/singers, Raymond Lam! I love his songs and can sing most of them and even more so, his acting is starting to improve. I really like how Raymond looks, a mix of the typical masculinity yet with boyish good looks. I said if I were wanted to get plastic surgery, I would definitely get something done to look like him. I commented to my mom that I thought Raymond looked very leng jai in this series and my mom had a grave and concerned look on her face and said, “Do you find yourself attracted to men often?” For god sake, I said he looked handsome not that I said I was crazy and madly in love with him. Can a man not make an appreciative statement of another male without automatically being thought of as gay?

Speaking of cars, today, I found out bebe got her driver’s license on the first try – I am so proud of her! You know, when you’re an Asian girl trying to get a drivers license, you know luck and stereotypes is already against you. But hot damn, that’s my bebe, confident, strong and smart (yes, I bolded it, because smart girl are sexy girls :lol:)! In a way, I felt kind of at peace because honestly, if her intentions wasn’t to bother to come back to Canada, why would she even get a Canadian license? I can’t say there isn’t a bit of selfishness in my thoughts behind it, but hey, I’m entitled to nomnomnom over her right? 😛 Ok, so that might not be completely true, but I like to pretend what I think is right, haha – it makes me feel better. I guess that means I no longer have to drive her, she can drive herself now XD On the other hand, it might also means she spends and exorbitant amount of time with her friends and totally forgets about spending time with me. Outrageous 😕 LOL. Guess I can sleep in the car while she ports us around now, hah.

Suffice to say, I’m very proud of bebe today, not that I’m regularly not, just that today she added one more reason for me to be proud of her. God, why do I feel so cheerful and vibrant for her accomplishments? I was extra happy she bothered replying to me on FB when I commented. In the past, I tend to get ignored by her and such when I comment which I’ve found kind of rude, hurtful and spiteful, so it made me extra happy today 😀 I’m in a good mood! I didn’t try to kill the loser who cut in front of me today, lucky bastard that bebe put me into a happy-mode today!

Tomorrow going out for acupuncture, perhaps meet with some friends and get groceries. Have to wake up early and check if god-sis is free and if she is, maybe find something to do with her since I’m out there anyways. Poh Ching just asked me saying I should’ve spent all this week and next week with bebe before she leaves so we can enjoy each others company =_= Obviously you haven’t been KEEPING UP WITH THE STORY Poh Ching, lol. If I could, I would’ve spent all 14 days before her departure with her, haha… stoopppodd 😛 Now I have to get all melacholic about her leaving in a few days and not even being able to see her. I’m a bit emo right now, ya? Girls sure know how to hit you where it hurts.

I’m sure a lot of people reading this won’t believe me… or at least those who don’t know me well. Next week I will probably take Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off… or at the very least Tuesday. On Tuesday, I will be at home crying, puking and probably trying to smash my head against the wall until my head bleeds because bebe is going to Malaysia for 6 months. Yes yes, I talk about that a lot, I know… trust me, I’ll be talking about it more on my personal blog when she does leave – I’ll probably go into some mad frenzy (sucks to be the people who get in my way or piss me off). One may think what’s the big deal? If you say so, then you have never loved before. The gut-puking feeling of someone you care about being 15,000KM’s away from you for HALF A YEAR is wrenching. I’ll be at home mopping about, suffering from massive depression attacks and staring at my gun. At least if I take a day off, I know I can just crawl in my bed and put the blanket over my head and pretend the world doesn’t exist and that I don’t love her. Yes, pretend, because we know that’s the exact opposite. Nothing changes the hurt, especially of being ignored.

Thought I’d leave you guys with something to laugh about… or perhaps I need a laugh too:

Big Bang Theory – Tampon Talk on Youtube

And you thought I was the only one to consider something like this eh? HAHA. I win 😀 Apparently buying feminine hygiene in bulk is not so much of a crazy idea!

愛。情。

暑假,本應是一個令人沉醉於夏日戀愛的季節。
但可惜,周邊的感情煩惱卻接踵而來。
背後有不同的愛情故事,由熱戀到感情轉淡,或者第三者出現,
這沒有對錯。

結束,開始
開始,結束
人生就是這樣來來往往,源源不絕,永無休止。
學會了放手,自然就學會復原。
給自己一點時間,一點空間
想一想,想一下獨立的生活。

在戀愛世界當中,沒有誰對誰錯,
只有適合,不適合。

The following is a complete machine translation by Google Translate and may or may not completely represent the wording and expressions used in the above writing. However, I did it for those who cannot read Chinese characters. I’m not going to bother translating the above text myself only because every person will have a different “take” on what things mean. Think of it as a poem – to some, it means this… and to another, it means that.

Summer, this should be a matter of indulgence in the summer season of love.
Unfortunately, they come one after another around the feelings of annoyance.
Behind a different love story, the love that has waned, or a third party appeared
This is not right or wrong.

The end of the beginning
Start, end
Life is such coming and going, endless, endless.
Learned to let go, learn to recover naturally.
Give yourself time, little space
Think, think about an independent life.

Love the world in which there is no right or wrong
Only suitable and unsuitable.

This was written by my girl-friend Wing last night…. very cute, yet horribly depressing… I suppose this summer, both our lives are empty. She’s actually a very young girl and to compose something as touching and as mature as this makes me smile bittersweet. Apparently age has very little to do with maturity these days… Experiences really do count for something.

I know the period content has been lacking lately and I’m trying to get my head on straight is all. This blog was actually inspired by bebe after a few months of meeting her. The main reason I created this blog (other than the fact of sharing my menstrual-interest) was because I could see hesitation and reluctance in her accepting my interest and love of menstruation. I started this blog, because I wanted to open her eyes to my interest and as a way of letting her know that just because I have learned to appreciate menstruation, that I am just as normal as a regular guy. Loving menstruation doesn’t change the person who I am – if anything, only to better myself with the intention that this knowledge is because I love the female body so much.

My inspirations are wavering right now since she was the heart and soul of this blog. I will most certainly continue it as I have seen many positive feedback from regular readers and dropper-byers alike. Just for now, I think I need time to recover from my mental and psychological distress. I know myself well enough to say that I know when I need my own  “time out” because I can get really snitchy with people when I’m not happy. Better that I have my time alone and to release all my pent up energy before I return “back to the world.”

My Weekend Stuffing My Face

Ah, another weekend gone already! Damn, two days is way to short! However, I guess I do have Tuesday off for vacation day (the last of my overtime) and then I we have Thursday off for the upcoming Canada Day!

Past Canada Day Niagara Falls, ON - Fireworks

So I have a pretty engaging weekend, in fact, I must say it actually felt long since there was so much done! On Saturday, my friends and I arranged to meet up at a Canadian-Chinese buffet. Actually to be fair, it is a Canadian-Chinese-Japanese buffet, lol. They had your usual “basic” Chinese food like battered shrimp, wonton, fried chicken, fries, salads,  desserts and etc. They also had a small selection of Japanese sushi, salmon, California and avocado. Obviously it is not a place you’d go to “impress people” but every once in a while the group of us likes to hang out for “Chinese food” at places that our parents would mock us. The price is $6.99 and while you should not expect amazing decor and perfect service, the food quality surpasses the $6.99 expectations. It was a bit of a drive since I had to go out to Mississauga (about 35 minute drive), but I think I go out there more than I hang out in my own city, haha.

After lunch, we went to a mall and shopped around a bit. I’m not much of a “buyer” of things, so I just pretty much tagged along and just chatted while a couple of my other friends bought stuff. We happened upon a store that had these crazy clearances. Could you imagine, $2.50 for a robed-hoodie (not sure if that’s actually what it’s called – that’s what my friends called it, haha). It was so cute and came in grey or blue! I really wanted to buy one for my girlfriend, only to realize I don’t know what she fits in, LOL. Isn’t it sad? haha. I supposed XS and S would’ve done it, but the last thing you ever want to do is the buy a girl the wrong size (especially if it’s too big – ‘cuz then she thinks you’re calling her fat)! I know she’d like it because it’s definitely something she would wear (based on tastes of her clothing that I pick up on 😛 – I’m not totally retarded, haha).

However, I ended up not getting it because I don’t know when she’ll get over the cold shoulders and start talking to me again 😦 It has been a month of unhappiness and partial anger – bleh. I know this time it has only been a month and a bit, compared to 6 months of last time… but still, my temper and patience has limits. I don’t understand why I give her the “best of myself” and my happy-face but she wants to see my anger and vengeance side so much. I thought most people would much rather see someone happy than when they’re a volcano waiting to erupt. I suppose if I could answer every question about what/why people think the way they do, it’ll be the day I can answer the meaning of life.

The Blind Side (2009)

Anyways, we returned to my friend’s house and we all watched a movie. Most of us fell asleep on the first one because we all felt fatigued after a buffet lunch! My friend’s boyfriend had to go to work, so the rest of us watched Blind Side starring Sandra Bullock and Tim McGraw. This was the first time ever that I thought Sandra Bullock was so damn attractive – perhaps enhanced by the role she played in the movie. Watching Sandra Bullock throughout the movie was just ‘wow’! You might think that most of us watched this for “the hot woman” – but hardly, as the movie was actually picked by a girl and there was no revealing clothing or suggestive scenes. I’m not sure whether a movie like this would fall under the category of chick-flick, but I thought it was one of those movies with your typical “I want to cry”-happy endings. None of us fell asleep during this movie because it was great and probably because we were more awake now that we had our little snooze during the previous movie.

One of the girl’s were completely exhausted and then I ended up finding out that she was on her period and she tends to be more tired when that happens. Unfortunately having some previous health issues a few years ago, whenever she has her period and loses blood, she is not as energetic and easily-tired out. She didn’t tell me but I ended up finding out when I went to the washroom, the wastebasket was stacked up high with wrapped up pads and tampon applicators. It had been quite a few days since she got it and she barely had the mood to tackle emptying out the garbage. I offered to empty it out for her and bring it to the garbage chute, but she blushed and said she wouldn’t want me to have to get so close to her “dirty things” – not that I would’ve minded anyways. A few minutes after the 2nd movie ended, her boyfriend came home so we spent a bit of time decided what to do for dinner.

Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side

We all decided we wanted to go to Denny’s, since it was my friend’s fav and after all, we have to spoil her when she’s on her period (lol – I don’t think anyone else knew, just me… but I was enough to “sway the votes” haha). This is my first time trying Denny’s and it was excellent. The last time I saw it was in Niagara Falls and I’ve never had the chance to eat there (since we usually do a picnic or buffet there), so I finally got my chance 😛 Is it bad when I spoil my girls and girlfriend when they’re on their period? LOL… tsk tsk. I really wanted to try the milkshake there, but it was $4.29 (geezz) and it was like 9PM already so I really didn’t want to get too full and kill my daily calorie count (although the lunch buffet probably massacred that already :lol:).

As we were driving home, we couldn’t decide whether to call it a night or not. It was about 10:30 and their hot-tub/sauna/pool closes at 11, so we decided to soak ourselves for half an hour. I didn’t bring my shorts but luckily her boyfriend had one I could borrow and they had plenty of spare towels. We enjoyed our 1/2 hour steaming the fat outta ourselves due to spending a whole day stuffing our faces with food. It was about 11:20 when we got back upstairs (she lives in a Condo). I asked her boyfriend if I could “borrow” his girlfriend for a bit because I really wanted to take a walk outside just to spew about things and my relationship problems to her and listen to her worldly advice. We walked two condos over, which happens to be the same one where I dropped off my girlfriend last time to her friend’s. It was wonderful, I smiled and felt really happy. I remember the night I dropped her off after a beautiful dinner in Mississauga followed by a great weekend for the both of us. She was so cute as I got her luggage from my trunk and gave it to her. I remember the smiles, the warmth, her beauty, her shyness with not knowing how to ‘end the night’ and how happy I felt inside. I cannot wait until I can feel that same happiness again. We talked for a bit and then returned to her place. It was almost midnight but everyone was still up for a few rounds of The Beatles: Rockband, so we played that. We were surprized we managed to get through it without getting a call from security for disturbing the peace. We did try to tone it down of course out of courtesy of other tenants. I did vocals as usual and even attempted expert-mode (which I did successfully :D)!

One of the girl’s just crashed and we all decided it was time to call it a night. We all thanked them for hosting the party (rather casual one) and we all took our ways. I had to go pick up my mom from my aunt’s house, then headed on home. It was just shy of 2AM as I got home and I only spent about 1/2 hour on the computer mopping up from missed Facebooking, Twittering and MSNing as I had a ton of messages I needed to reply to… but, a few of them I left them for the next day since they weren’t urgent. I had no energy left to update MiM, so I apologize to those who received late replies from me 😛

Today I did not do much expect wrap up some paper-work for my business and play games on the computer. I woke up early to talk to Amy on Skype before she had to go to sleep and then my mom dragged me out later in the evening to mow the lawn and do some gardening. I painfully had to chop yet another (miniature) tree down and it totally killed me. We have this really shitty compliment of tools which aren’t “fit to do the job” … a 15 year-old axe that isn’t even sharp anymore. If you were to hit someone with that axe, you’d likely do more blunt damage than slashing damage. So this small little stump and it took me like 20 minutes to break through it. Also, it was low to the ground so I was crouched all that time and causing me to get some massive leg cramps. I thought it was really stupid because my mom sometimes likes just to “waste my time” as the stump didn’t need to be removed. NEED – being the keyword. I should mention that even being clothed in thick material and doused in mosquito-repellant, I still managed to get TWO black-fly bites square on my back and it’s HUGE – I haven’t even scratched it yet! I get annoyed with staying out too long because of mosquitoes, not because I dislike being outside.

Having done all that made me hungry, so as she made dinner, I didn’t have enough time to start a game with my friends yet, so I decided just to sit there and daydream about my girlfriend (lol… shhh…). I equate this to the way that Poh Ching just goes gaga over Taylor Lautner and how impossible it is for a guy to be as perfect as him… and I think how impossible it is for bebe to be so beautiful (inside AND out) that it blows my mind. Sometimes I even let out (MANLY!!!) giggles and yelps when I think of all the cute things she does and how awesome it is that she’s rather shy, LOL. I don’t even know what I want… do I want a shy girl or an outgoing girl? 😆 Men eh, we can’t make up our minds!

So yep… here I am, typing this now. I gotta get back to my TVB drama, so I’ll update here again soon! I’ve been working on getting the media transferred over to my Youtube account so that I can start sharing playlists and favourites on here. It’s hard to integrate it to here because of media restrictions for the “unpaid” version of WordPress, but oh well, I’m sure I can get around it!

Toodles for now, night everyone.

譚詠麟 -朋友 (Alan Tam – Friends)

I really wanted to find a good song for my Wednesday post, but couldn’t find one that really I could use. Apparently after reviewing most of my music collection, many of them are Chinese love songs which really wouldn’t be suitable for the occasion, haha. Found an excellent one that fits the bill perfectly! Holy, this is a timeless classic. For those who have grown up in a Chinese family, I’m sure you’ll have heard this song a million times already, LOL.

Translation by: thekeck

譚詠麟 -朋友

Alan Tam – Friends

繁星流動    和你同路
All the stars floating here and there, I walk this road with you
從不相識開始心接近
We never met each other in the past, but now our hearts begin to move closer
默默以真摯待人
Quietly, we treat each other with true sincerity

人生如夢    朋友如霧
Life is like a dream, friends are like a mist
難得知心几經風暴
It is rare to find friends who intimate understand you, and will weather the storms and rain with you
為著我不退半步正是你
It is because of you then I will not take a step backward

遙遙晚空點點星光息息相關
In this faraway night sky, the scatter of stars appear so closely connected
你我那怕荊棘鋪滿路
You & I, even if this road is lined with thistles and thorns
替我解開心中的孤單
You will help me (literally translation is ‘on my behalf’) undo the loneliness in my heart
是誰明白我
It is you whom understands me best
情同兩手一起開心一起悲傷
Our friendship like two hands, passing through the good times and the times of pain
彼此分擔不分我或你
Share each other’s worries and responsibilities, with no differentiation between you and I
你為了我     我為了你
You for me, and I for me
共赴患難絕望里緊握你手
Together, we will pass through trials and troubles and overcome all hopelessness, as I tightly grip your hand
朋友
As friends

Little Boy in the Big City – Toronto, ON

Easily identifiable picture of important Toronto, Ontario Landmark

So this is where I went yesterday evening. My journey starts off with a peaceful day in my quaint little city. The prior week, my ex and I had made plans to have dinner together, after not having seen each other for a year or two. She lives quite a busy lifestyle, so it’s hard for us to get together. Also, there have been many barriers in the past and it has always been tough for us to communicate after we had broken up. Undoubtedly, both of us has had to put an amazing amount of effort in to solidify our footing. I have of course mentioned casually to her to meet up and maybe do something small, have a lunch or a dinner – but to no avail. Finally as time progressed, she took the initiative to ask me to meet up for dinner. I was ecstatic as I haven’t seen her for quite a while.

For those who follow my blog, you’ll know that we got into a minor “argument” with trying to get things going for us, more importantly, I’m one of the type who don’t like to explore outside of my comfort zone. With that being said, I’ve relied on my vehicle to transport me everywhere, and taking public transport has been long ago. I had wanted to meet her half way, in Mississauga, although she would not be able to make it with time to spare for dinner. So, I sucked it up and went out to Toronto. Suffice to say, it was a great experience. I told her how prestigious it was for me to visit her there, because I don’t even go out to Toronto for my dear cousin (whops, I’ll have to do that, LOL), let alone an ex-girlfriend.

I was supposed to take the 4:42PM train towards Toronto and really, I’d a complete newb-cake when it comes to this stuff. I left my house early because I didn’t know whether the parking lot there would be full. I left my house at 3:30 – which was beyond early (but was pressured by my mom who fretted – duh!) and arrived at 3:50 and even had parked by then. I bought my ticket and I wanted to die having to wait another 50 minutes before I could get on the train. The particular station I started at – let’s just say, is not exactly “big” and except for a newsstand, there was nothing more to peruse. I had overheard another individual talking to his friend about catching the “4:10 train” and my ears perked up immediately. Yes yes, eavesdropping is bad, but the station is not exactly big and you can crisply hear every conversation.

I had checked my ticket and rather than having a definitive time on it, it said it could “be used within 4 hours of issuance” which I understood as that I could take any train within 4 hours of the timestamp on my ticket which was heading to the allotted location I paid for – so there we go, I found an earlier train! The ride is 1 hour and so I proceeded to hop on the earlier train designated to arrive at 5:10PM. My friend (henceforth known as “L”) agreed to meet up at 5:50-6PM at Union Station in Downtown Toronto, therefore, I’d be arriving at least 40 minutes earlier – however, I knew that being a bigger station, there was bound to be more things to look at than the small station where I departed from.

One thing I’ll tell you that I learned, is try to find a seat facing the direction of travel! It sucks when the train is moving one way and you’re facing backwards because it makes you sick. I’m not particular to motion sickness, but it wasn’t as “comfortable”. The train seating was relaxed, after all, people live in small cities and work in big cities, so traveling towards the big city at the end of the day is irregular. I noticed keenly that random people would strike conversations on the train, probably to kill time. Some where “regulars” and some weren’t, but were comfortably engaged in conversations ranging from kids, family life to their work. Not being someone accustomed to riding on a train, I would only say a few words and smile/facial reaction to things said.

Part way through the train ride as we approached a more Asian-influenced area, several Asian girls boarded the cart. I avoided looking at them, only because I find it to be a rude gesture to stare someone down. Also, the last thing I want to look like is one of those train-perverts. Everyone took their seats and the two Asian girls sat in the seat opposite of me. I looked up and smiled, just to acknowledge their presence, but not offend them. Part way to the next station, they struck up a conversation with me. I must say, at first, it was weird to talk to someone just because you happened to be sitting across from them – but it’s quite a good time-killer. They were your typical modern, fashionable Asian girls. They seem to have an understanding of Cantonese, but still spoke in non-accented English. It’s rather weird how comfortable you can become talking to random people on the train. Soon enough, I arrived at the station. I thanked them for the conversation and said my goodbyes. They asked me if I ride the train regularly (probably since they’ve never seen me or I looked less-than-knowledgeable about the train-system) and which I responded that this was, “my second time ever.”

As I got off the train and checked my clock, it was right-on-schedule, with at least 40 minutes to spare. I messaged L to let her know I arrived and that I’d be wandering around Union station. The last time I went there on the train was also to meet up with her, after we broke up. I never got time to “explore” the area, so decided this was a great opportunity. The place was bustling – people booting it for their trains, trying to connect their transfer, business people trying to talk on the phone over seas of loud voices and people pushing/shoving their way through. I got shoved a few times and responded with less-than-admirable force back, lol. I’m one of those people who do not like bumping into people or at least will apologize when it happens. Most of these rushing people didn’t… and trust me, when they pushed, I pushed even harder. I know you should never “fight fire with fire” – but I dislike being treated rudely and if some people feel that is ok, then I shall return the favour.

The funniest thing that happened in the station, was that it was almost a scene from a cliché Hong Kong TVB drama, where two people “don’t have fate” – lol. We waited for each other, only to realize we had both been sitting there the whole time.

We didn't realize we were sitting on the other side of a post, lol.

I was worried that she was not going to come (although I could not imagine that would be the case – but the thought passed my mind), so I got up off my seat to see her impatiently sitting there too and checking her phone, lol. Oh god, she was gorgeous, my eyes wanted to explode – haha… she’s just as beautiful, if not more, than the last time I’ve seen her!

The conversation started immediately and as we walked our way out of Union, it was pretty non-stop, lol. We really did take full advantage of the night, we enjoyed (err… well I did, dunno about her, LOL) the evening and it was spectactular. We talked about so many things and I really can’t even recall some of it due to (she likes to call me ‘old’ all the time) my poor short-term memory… ask me 2 years from now and I’ll remember every word 😀 We ate at Hot House Cafe on Church St. and for those who know Toronto, Church street is well-known for being the larger community of gays and lesbians. Maybe it was where we were, but I sure as hell didn’t identify most of the people passing by as falling into these orientations explicitly. They did not have your stereotypical “sissy boy attitude” or “butch girl” demeanor one would imagine to expect in on Church St. I had told L I wanted to go to Canyon Creek but I decided against it only because I really want to take my girlfriend there when we visit Niagara Falls or something – and she was fully understanding of that!

The weather was amazing so we took a patio seat. The area was away from the more “hustle-and-bustle” area of the city so it was quieter (although you could hear the sirens, large trucks and stuff coming through) and we could easily carry out a private conversation (private, as in not that we had anything to hide, but more that it didn’t feel like people could hear everything within earshot) without screaming over the noise. This has been by far, the most engaging time we’ve had good quality conversations since our breakup. To be honest, there were a lot of obstacles for us as I really didn’t have the heart at that time to listen to her talk about her relationship life with “her new boyfriend.” I hated the guy and moreover, I was jealous that he had what I didn’t had to keep her. Let it be known, that L is one hell of an amazing girl, even though we’re not together anymore. We used to tip-toe around each other, topics that I couldn’t touch on, and topics she wouldn’t touch on, because we did not want to anger each other. This time, we actively shared discussions on our relationships comfortably. She helped me understand things too from a female perspective, especially because I’m encountered with so much resistance from my girlfriend at the moment. Having L being there to reassure me and our relationship as a whole, really adds value, especially because she is an ex-girlfriend – making those words just that much more special.

One of the funny things she commented on the fact she noticed I seem to keep close contacts with my ex’s and she wondered whether my girlfriend had problems with that. I’m a logical person, so I approached this question with logic. I said essentially, we date people because they’re good people, so even though they might not work out as a couple, beneath it all, they’re still good individuals – therefore, there’s nothing awkward about wanting to carry-forth a friendship with them. Maybe it makes sense to me but not to other people, but really, think about it! Suffice to say, this doesn’t work for situations where it involves a case of bad breakup like infidelity or something like that. I said that if my girlfriend did have a problem with it, I’d certainly want her to tell me in which I’d for sure keep more distant between my ex’s and I. Nevertheless, there is usually no threat about ex’s – after all, they’re a “past” and “before” so there really isn’t much of a concern. Had we been a good couple, we would’ve stayed together!

No doubt if my girlfriend did have a problem with this, I would respect her opinion. In fact, L and I can comfortable “talk about our past” in good-nature now and oddly enough, she seems more open, receptive and comfortable with me now since she knows I’m committed to another girl. It’s funny isn’t it, how girls are less defensive when they know the guy who previously liked them is already with someone? LOL. I told her the night before as a joke that I’d meet her with “candy and flowers” and she said that since I’m with someone now, she would’ve just seen that as a sign of friendship and good graces – not that I did bring that anyways, but it was a good laugh for the both of us just to see each others reaction 😛

We talked for 4 hours, gosh that was long, but felt only like moments. I had a total of 6 cups of coffee, it was nuts, lol. We were totally going to be wired for the rest of the night and luckily for her, she had projects to complete anyways so being alert for the rest of the night would’ve worked out great for her. I don’t believe she tried to pay… she does this every time, lol. Worse off, she insisted to pay for her portion in which I rolled my eyes and held firmly to the bill, haha. I wouldn’t even let her see it until I paid for it. What kind of self-respecting guy would expect/let a lady pay? MY GOD – haha! It’s nice that waiters/waitresses know to give the guy the bill, so he did get extra tip (and for friendly service of course). She walked me back to Union station, which was quite awkward only because I’m usually the one accompanying girls home – LOL – it was weird for me to be the one “being walked back” haha. I really didn’t want the evening to end, but of course it had to. We could truly be ourselves and be genuine with each other – which we haven’t been for a long time.

Being foreign to taking the train, I was obsessed with finding out which platform I’m supposed to and make sure I don’t miss it (since the trains were 1 hour apart, ouch!) or take the wrong one. Well, as you can see now, I’m home, alive LOL, so I must’ve taken the right one, haha. But as the platform number showed up on the digital board, she escorted me all the way before the “paid area” (where only those who have paid for fare may enter) before we departed.

Last time, she freely hugged, but this time, she froze for a moment. It was a really cute moment (it’d make you go “awwww” for sure, haha), but she quietly asked, “Do you think it would be ok to hug you? I’m not sure if your girlfriend would mind.” — it was very thoughtful of her to consider something like that. Not knowing how long it would be before I’d see her again, I opened my arms to give her a hug. It was nice, although I could tell she definitely left reservation in it, probably as not to ‘cross the line’ in worry that if my girlfriend found out, she’d be angry. I don’t hide things like this from bebe anyways and it’s not unusual for a male and female friend to embrace each other in an expression of friendship. There’s a distinct difference between a “I’m glad we’re friends“-hug and a “I want you forever“-hug, lol. I will really miss the special bond that L and I once had, but we have created a new bond, one where although we will not live our life together, we will definitely cherish what we’ve been through and future opportunities to chat over a hot coffee and a slice of cake. We can share with each other, sometimes burdens of our mind and exchange ideas on things in life.

As I got on the train, I recollect my composure and thoughts to think – what blessings I have been graced with to have at one point, dated such a wonderful girl. No doubt, we both believe we will make amazing girlfriends/boyfriends, wife/husband – maybe not for each other, but for the two special someone in our life. We have both found who we believe to be someone who is worth our love, commitment, efforts and faithfulness. I believe we both, wish the best for each other, whether in health, finances or relationship. We smiled, when I said, that I hope our kids will one day together, play with each other – while the parents smile upon them knowing that we have both walked the same path at one point, went our separate ways, but reunite through the powers of friendship and compassion.

Though we leave the past behind, it is never forgotten and has made us the great people we are today.

I Wub Fan Mail – Feminine Hygiene Practices

Yay, I love receiving fan mail…. or well, maybe questions 😛 I should let everyone know, I’m actually doing an “interview” for Glockoma Blog (By: Mary Shaw) pertaining to my interest in menstruation and why it’s important for men to understand menstruation – but that’s slowly crawling along because I have too much to say (and too little time to say it all, lol). However, I’m 4 out of 6 questions done! Suffice to say, I’m not ignoring those questions and will get them to her soon. In the meantime, I received some shorter questions from someone by email which I’d like to respond to 😀

The email was signed “M.T” so given the initials, so I’m not going to risk saying “he” or “she”… but they were good questions that I’d like to answer here! Weehh…

1.How much feminine hygiene supplies do you keep in your house?

It’s hard to say, it depends on if they have been on sale or whether I’m just in the mood to experiment. Right now, I have a couple UbK Overnights left (which I’m giving to a girl-friend when she comes back from Costa Rica), some Whisper and Saba pads which I’m practically treasuring due to their rarity, and a package of Stayfree Secure which I recently bought. I do also have a pack of Kotex Overnights, Always Classic and only about 2 Incognito Overnights left at an undisclosed location 😛 I have to keep them hidden because my mom likes going through my stuff, lol. I do not actually keep a lot around, albeit what you see on my blog! I would say at most in my house ever, I’ve had two packages/boxes – discounting ones that I actually buy for my girls and haven’t given it to them yet. My mom has a bunch too, but it’s pretty obvious when things go missing from there, so I don’t bother. Also, it is my mom, which rather has an “ewww” factor 😛

2. How much a year do you spend on buying these products?

About $30 CAD – it is all about finding good deals. I’m a bargain hunter and I know the prices of feminine hygiene products well, lol. Once in a while, I might treat one of my girls to a pack or something, especially if they’ve done some favours for me 😛 (non-sexual favours!!!) or if I really catch an amazing deal. I’m sure this will go up as my girlfriend and I become steady and I start shopping more with her and when I get married 😀 That’s if she lets me buy her stuff though 😦 Haha. I’ll have to “create reasons” for it I suppose, lol. Even so, I could probably even help her cut her yearly costs by snatching good deals when they present themselves. Coupons + good deals have actually resulted in free items for me before!

3. How often do you buy your supplies?

It really depends on how often I’m experimenting and how big the packages I bought were before. Sometimes small packs are on sale, sometimes jumbo packs and there is no consistent rate-of-usage, so it’s hard for me to give any sort of estimation. The two things I do base my purchases on though is, 1) when I’m out or 2) when there is an unpassable sale. Other than that, it’s not like I can say “every month” or “every 3 months” because then I’d just be lying 😀

4. How many girls do you have working for you?

This was a cute question, thanks for making me smile 😛 None of my girls work for me. Also, someone asked me when I say “my girls” whether they are my daughters  – no, most of my girls consist of close girl-friends, ones I’ve grown up with or get along with very well, or some of my ex’s that I keep in touch with. Also, they’re the ones who may be particularly open with menstruation and willingly to share information with me. Suffice to say, there are some girls I’m close to, but who don’t feel comfortable sharing that type of information with me – so that is fine too. I don’t define my friends based on whether they are comfortable talking about their periods with me, lol. Whatever info they provide or how far they are willing to help me out is totally optional.

Try not to imagine me with these girls lined up and me grilling them, because that’s not how it is, haha. It’s just mostly casual conversations that come up on MSN, phone, text or in person and I assure you probably 20% of the conversations I do carry out are on this topic. I have many other things I talk about them with as well 😛 Just think of two (or a few) friends having a conversation together, that’s all it is and the topic is irrelevant – then it’ll put things into perspective for you! I never pressure my girls to give me more info than they’re willing and they can opt out anytime, it isn’t some kind of binding contract! I rarely had any of my girls ever decline answering or participating before though because I guess I could say I’m a decent person and I know how to stay inside each girl’s comfort-zone. Once you get to know a person well enough, you will know their limits – as some, will refuse to use tampons no matter how many times I ask – so I don’t and respect their decisions as such.

This blog and my girls’ participation is all done on a free and voluntary basis. Their reward is knowing that I appreciate their help and that I never reference their names on here (or at most, their alias) unless they explicitly say I can – such as Amy for example. I do not generate revenue off this website and it’s for my own interest and interest of my community members – which suffice to say, I love all my readers 🙂

5. How do you test your products? Do you participate in it too?

Ah yes, the question which quite a few people have asked. Yes, I do participate in the experimentation and such, but the way I test them are completely a secret 😀 Can’t tell everyone everything now, can we? However, most of my girls can give me some good feedback after a month or two of trying a product. Some only try it once, some like to do it over-time to get more accurate results. There is no “form” they will out to give their feedback and again, it’s just a casual conversation. Heck, I don’t even record the things they tell me officially or anything, I just keep it in my head as I read it. I see most of my girls anyways, so they’ll just share their information with me then.

The best is when they share it with me when they’re on their period though 😆 WOO! I must say, a few of them particularly like hanging around me during their period (because I’m one of the few who can deal with it, lol) and because they know I like to baby them once in a while. I’m not a manwhore though, I baby my girls a lot different than I’d baby my girlfriend 😛 No jealousy required! Treating them to a bubble tea or warming the tub for them while they’re sprawled on the couch in pain is the least I can do for how gracious I am for their involvement 🙂 It is quite possible for me to be friends with girls (or the opposite gender) platonically, whether we have been in a relationship or not. My eyes and heart are only reserved for one girl only anyways 😀 Having girls who will satisfy my curiosity will alleviate my girlfriend from having to answer them, because she doesn’t like telling me these things anyways, haha.

6. Does your interest in menstruation interfere with your life?

Nope, why should it? It’s an interest and hobby, just like any other. Some guys like to fix cars, some guys like to go to the strip club, and I like to learn about the female body. The female body is wonderful and it isn’t just about menstruation, it is about them as a whole. I’m sure my knowledge about the female body will come very useful one day 😛 Many of my closest friends don’t know about this interest of mine, so it doesn’t affect my lifestyle off of my blog.

The main reason why I have not posted a picture of myself is for that reason, not be be personally identifiable and especially because there are times I talk about work (negatively) on here. Although many people reading this could figure out who I am, or even if my workplace viewed it, could “make the connection” – but without a picture or 2identifiable information to prove it, they have nothing on me 😆 I think pictures of authors are important, as it helps readers connect with the writer – but in my case, it is dangerous for me to do so! If my blog was just about menstruation, I wouldn’t mind having my picture up, because the worst that could happen is that someone who knows me finds it and they get a laugh about it. I think I am reputable enough to my friends and community that being identified as having an interest in menstruation will not exactly ruin my life.

7. Do you not find periods gross or the blood from it?

No, I don’t find periods gross, if I did, this definitely would not be my blog. Blood is something that everyone has (or they’d be dead) and the only difference with period blood is that it’s menstrual flow (containing more-than-just blood). I actually dislike seeing myself bleed, because for a guy to bleed, that means he’s hurt. I hate getting nosebleeds and got quite a bit when I was younger – especially after eating fries or fried-foods. When I see someone I care about bleed, I become worried, not because I’m afraid of blood, but because I’m afraid of why they’re bleeding. My dad used to work in a hospital and sometimes I’d go there with him to see him work or my mom would take me there to pick him up. I’ve seen people come through the E.R. doors, limbs hanging, blood-smeared, disfigured, etc. but that doesn’t scare me. I have a high tolerance for “gross stuff” – and blood is the least of it.

On the other hand, menstrual blood is a normal bodily function and for a girl to menstruate is a positive sign of health. I am not a big fan of seeing menstrual blood, but it certainly doesn’t make me puke or anything. I have several guy friends who (luckily) got to roomie up with a bunch of girls. When you hang out at his house long enough, you’re bound to see piles of used pads/tampons in the trash or an accidentally-unflushed tampon. It happens, it’s not a big deal, and no one is going to die from it. The smell is worse than the sight – especially once menstrual blood contacts with air, the odour begins to emit.

Suffice to say, I find pooping to be a much more “disgusting” thing than menstruation/menstrual hygiene. Although I understand defecation is ALSO a normal bodily process, I have my limits too, lol. I’ve been in the same room/washroom of girls changing their pads/tampons or even going pee, but I have never been in one while they’re taking a crap – because honestly, I don’t want to be 😆

8. Do you regularly have sex with your girlfriend while she’s on her period?

While I’m happy to post some things on my blog about dates bebe and I go on and stuff, I would never comment on my/our sexual habits. These things are private between couples, you know? 🙂 I hope you understand, I’m just not one of those guys who will go blabbing to his friends about having sex with so-and-so and what we’ve done. To me, sex is an extremely loving and intimate activity, and it’s not something to be shared. If you’re looking for my opinion on period-sex though, it’s totally ok as long as you know you are with a healthy partner (menstrual-blood carries a huge risk of STD’s) and as long as you both consent to such activities. I actually have plans in the future (on my “to-write-about” list) on this particular topic, so stay tuned for it 😀

I love getting fan-mail (or whatever you want to call it… not sure if I actually have fans) 😆 Time to eat my lunch! Toodles.

Emoness Strikes Again!

Ah, today’s just one-of-those days. It’s just 8ish right now and I’m already laid down in my bed and rolling around. The weather has been great today and right now, it’s a beautiful scenery out my window. I stepped outside, just to capture a few great shots. Other than being head-over-heels for my girlfriend, the next thing I’m in love with is my new camera. Yes, I’m hardly adept at taking great photos, but sometimes I see photography like art. As long as I’m happy with the shots taken and they’re expressive of my own feelings, then it doesn’t really matter if it’s praised to appreciated by others. I guess I’m rolling around because I’m feeling kinda down today. I haven’t checked the calendar, has it been a month since I’ve been emo? LOL.

Every once in a while, I’m just hit with this pang of sadness. It never was like this for the few months that bebe and I had regular contact. I feel so lost in this world without her, like I’m wandering aimlessly until she’s ready to pick me up again. It’s like this thick fog that sometimes clears up but at times thickens so much that you just want to scream but no one will hear you or see you. You wish that others could help you, but when you’re lost in fog, there is little that anyone else can do for you. You can wander and wander, only hoping that you will make it to the end alive.

I know this is quite unhealthy, no one should be subjected to pains from relationships like this, but that’s a moot point. Anyone who’s ever been in a relationship before, will know how I feel. There is a saying that a person who falls and gets up is not a fool, but one who falls and stays down is a fool for life. I believe in that, I believe that only someone who has no goal, no direction and no willpower in life can never achieve success. I am heartfelt that I can achieve this goal, not only to fall in love, but to cause someone to fall in love with me. I admit that there are times when I have thought of things, things that maybe dark and sinister to think and do – things that I dare not admit to anyone. I know the games she tries to play, but yet, I refuse to let these games push me over the edge. I vent them here, because it is an output for it, because I’m not going to let her get to me that easily, even if she does all these destructive things to my mind, heart and soul. She wants me to crack, she wants to prove to herself that I am ‘not worthy’ – but I will climb this hill, and prove to her I am worth it – because we both know better.

Albeit my nasty thoughts when I’m feeling angry, I think clearly, there is a Chinese saying that, “You may be able to stay a person’s heart, but cannot stay their body” and it is true – and I would not consider doing anything dramatic or over-the-top because I want not only want her to stay with me, but have her heart stay with me as well. What if I do something, that forces her to be here, but when her heart is elsewhere or is against her will? Logically, the only right way to win love, is to win the person as a whole. Sometimes I am a foolish little boy, I will think of things to do, perhaps very nasty things, that may in the end, have results – but not the correct results. That, I certainly want to avoid. There is a side of me that thinks with logical, a side of me that thinks with emotions and another side of me that thinks with anger/vengeance. I hope to god, I never need to tap into the latter, because it is fearful side of me that even scares myself. The only person that has ever seen the latter side of me, is my ex-ex girlfriend, which I admit, was a very unfortunate case and I never want to repeat and draw that side out of me. The more I let her actions get to me, the sadder I feel. I must be positive, towards myself and towards her… because if I’m upset and angry with what she’s doing – OR – speculating negatively about things, it only hurts me. It was about a week ago, that I became to do positive speculations for things she does, because whether they are true or not, they sure as hell make me feel a lot better. In turn, this positivity transcends itself through my actions and feelings towards her. I hum to myself, “I can do it”, “We can do it”, “We will succeed” and “Patience, experience, wisdom and compassion” – if it was not for faith, hope and loyalty – I know I would’ve fallen. Yet today, I stand firm on the ground with my feet and say, “I know I can!”

But onto happier note rather than being all melancholic, is that next Tuesday, my ex-ex and I will be meeting up together. We did get into a little tuffle with each other, because we wanted to meet up for dinner and I didn’t “appear” to be too excited (and in all reality, I was, lol… and still am). We were at each others throat for almost 1/2 hour before we finally realized that things were a misunderstanding on our parts (lol – doesn’t life suck when that happens?).

It has been quite a few years since we’ve seen each other, and it’ll be great to catch up on things and more important – see how much we have changed since our last meet and since we have been together (which goes even farther back, haha – we’re old :lol:). We were together too young and logically, we have went through many changes in our life – which has redefined the people we once were (and are today), resulting in our breakup. As people grow up, focuses shift and things that were important/unimportant to us changes as well. With that said, we are the person we are today as a result of each other – for better, or worse 😀 She is a great girl and I suppose it’s a bit weird for many who generally don’t have much positive things to say about ex’s – but with all but one, I have nothing but great things to say about them.

For years, I used to spend a lot of time “comparing” girls… and truly, it was unfair. My ex-ex girlfriend was the one that really “set the bar” for all other girls. If they “weren’t as good as her, they weren’t worth chasing” – and honestly, there’s not all too many girls in this world who are as awesome as her XD – but she thinks otherwise, lol. Nevertheless, this was really poorly judgement (not of her!!!) on my part, by comparing one girl to another. One cannot have expectations of one girlfriend to another, expecting them to do the same things, act the same way, have the same expectations, or fall for the same romance. Every person is an individual and blindly, it took me a while to see that. I took my ex-ex as a “baseline requirement” for all future girlfriends, except for my current. The reality is our emotions and chemistry is what connects one person to another and sometimes, these expectations, wants and needs are all irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. We think we may not fall for someone, only to find ourselves neck-deep-in-the-water. The ways that humans interact and connect on a non-verbal and psychological level boggles the mind and I’m not even going to get into that – lol – I could probably write a 10 page essay on it. I still hang out with most of my ex’s and it’s cool that way. I certainly can’t see my girlfriend being the jealous type (and plus, she’s playing cold shoulders anyways, so I couldn’t talk to her if I wanted to), so I never have to “clear” with her the fact I’m hanging out with them. I draw very clear lines about how I treat my ex’s … and I’ll definitely be nice and gentlemanly to them, but would definitely not go beyond what I’d do/how I’d treat my bebe (after all, she’s my most important girl :D)!

Oh god, I digress (all the time) – we’re going to meet up in Toronto and go have dinner. We haven’t picked a place, but I have to take the train. You cannot imagine, because I’m sure most people who read my blog already have this preconception of me that I’m the “big tough guy” (minus the whole interest in menstruation thing, hahaha) – but I’m soooo chicken when it comes to taking public transportation – especially when it’s outside of my town/city. For some odd reason, I don’t have this same fear/discomfort when I have to take the MTR/KCR (subway/train) in Hong Kong. So I swallowed my pride and saliva a bit and told her I’d take the train out and also, told her how much of a pussy I am (LOL) and if she could pick me up from the main station, haha. To be honest, I hate driving into Toronto because of their traffic and lack-of-parking space. I also know myself well enough that I don’t want to contend with the shitty/overly aggressive drivers there either. I have a temper when it comes to dealing with stupid-people on the road, and I’m sure I’d pull someone out of their car and beat them or shoot them through the windshield – so let’s not do that!

I’m so excited and we haven’t seen each other in ages. Our last meet up a few years ago was… err, let’s just say – a bit weird, because I was still in that phase of “trying to get her back” and I ashamedly say I caused some awkward situations (although she was very understanding about it – and was still ladylike!!), so this one will be more smooth now that I’m already committed to a very special girl, she won’t have to worry about me getting all flirty with her 😀 We’ve grown up so much, that we’re very different and our life has changed tremendously. I hope connecting in person will also help us understand one another more, given that we still get into disagreements sometimes because we just don’t see each others angles. Can you tell I’m really excited? 🙂

Anyways… going to leave it at this, I suppose I’ll go talk to some friends on Skype – they tend to cheer me up or get my mind away from bebe once in a while. I have this really long and boring meeting that I’m not looking forward to tomorrow – so I want to be mentally ready and stable, haha, rather than being grumpy with how I’m being treated right now (for the second time) … even Poh Ching was like, “Wait, she’s doing that to you AGAIN? WTF!” (or “WTFish” – since she doesn’t like to swear), hehe.. what a cutie.

Night night.. and OH – the pictures…

No, it's not the old Windows wallpaper... that really IS the sky today here!

My lovely tree!

My backyard - although the grass was not freshly cut for the picture, too bad.

My neighbours roses... oh how many times my family and I have got thorned by it, haha.

It's a really nice neighbourhood around here! Very tranquil.

Prexus’ Friday Thoughts

This post has no educational value (nor is it period-related… unless I slip something in there). I just figured after a string of some period-posts, that I’d stick one of my random-thought posts in here.

For the past while, I’ve been playing a game called Just Cause 2. It was extremely addicting and playing for 5-hours was not exactly healthy – although it did kill time on days that I did not have side-work. Oh right, speaking of which, my past two weeks have been nuts. Other than my regular day job, I also do I.T. work on the side and almost every other week-day, I had a client who required my services. Oh yes, I absolutely love making money, but when every night you come home at 8-9PM, it isn’t so “lovely” anymore.. mind you I also worked 8 hours prior to that. So after calculating this month’s “additional income,” I am fairly happy with the results.

Every month, I worry about wanting more business and I don’t see why life can’t space things out for you, lol. I mean, last month was just crappy and all of a sudden the last 2 weeks of May, I’m bombarded. It’s funny, I guess humans can never be satisfied (or maybe just me :lol:).. either we complain about having too little or too much. However, I do have some extra dollars now to line my wallet with, especially because the past while I admit I have been on a spending spree. My girlfriend and I spent a lot of time eating out, which consequently other than probably not being great on my waistline, it also costs money. Rest assured, I am not complaining, I love spending time with her, even if it costs money XD – after all, money is made to be spent! Second, I bought a camera a while ago, for those who follow my blog… then third, I had to get a new computer case and power supply, so it all adds up! Well, I suppose at least I haven’t bought pads for a while, so there has been no expense for that (yet) 😛

So anyways, a few days at work, we had a breast cancer awareness day at work (not the “official” breast cancer awareness day) where workers were asked to wear an article of pink to show their support. I was holding a meeting in the meeting room outside of my office so a few of the attendees arrived and since my office is right there, I sat in my own office to wait.

Since I enjoy conversing a lot, a couple of the staff who I’m particularly closer to invited themselves in just to chit-chat (a guy and a girl). The other guy and I immediately noticed the girl wasn’t wearing anything pink, so we inquired. She replied, “Sure I am, you guys just can’t see it!” and the other guy and I both knew what that meant. This girl is a complete tease though. She plopped herself up on the corner of my desk and since I was sitting down and she was wearing a skirt, the eye-level was perfect. The other guy grinned and sat down next to me, but I totally turned away and looked at my monitor. Mind you, I dislike doing something while someone is talking to me, but I couldn’t very well be looking between her legs at her pink panties because that is EXACTLY what I’d see if I was facing her since I’m ‘lower’ than she is on the desk. Rest assured, if I were single, I’d probably be looking, lol, yes – I am a guy.

The other guy got a kick out of it and I was sure I could see a little drool on the side of his mouth, but I was totally trying to avoid looking ‘there’. Girls probably get a kick out of teasing guys like that 😛 For some reason, I have this obligation to “be a good boy” and not do something that would compromise my loyalty to my girlfriend. After all, I should not be looking at another girl’s … err.. crotch area, EVEN if she completely intended to let us look. The point is girls definitely know how to play our desires against us and I’m pretty sure I would’ve gave it a 2nd.. 3rd.. maybe even 4th look had I not been in a relationship, haha. The thing was the other guy was married and he still had no qualms about looking 😆 – damn it, why must girls do such things?!

This morning, I had a lot of fun talking to one of my authors, Poh Ching, for quite a lengthy period of time.. or well, more than we normally do! It made me really think and take time to cherish the way humans connect with one another. For those who don’t know, I met P.C simply through my blog when I started… she was my first subscriber and consequently, the first commenter on my blog. In the past, we do not spend much time talking because of our opposite time-zones and her field-of-study requires her to concentrate a lot on school. We get sporadic chats if we’re lucky, maybe 10-20 mins every week, yet, we have a fairly unique friendship and connect in ways that doesn’t seem plausible for people who have never met in person and quite literally a random person off the internet.

Nevertheless, we often share things we don’t with anyone else, talk about many personal things and enjoy each-others company. It certainly feels weird to feel so close to someone who we know “little about” – yet in a profound way, know a lot of things. It’s hard to describe the feeling, but it makes me ponder the bonds which tie humans together. There have been times she’s kept me sane at work, like that time I was talking to her over MSN in the middle of a meeting because I was ready to fall asleep, haha. Speaking of which, P.C, I loved the convo today 😀 lololol. Not only do I really enjoy talking to her, she brings a sense of happiness to my day, especially the past few days after she has finished all her exams and truly have time to dedicate herself to an entire conversation! We talked from morning, to afternoon, to even when I got home from work 😀 She made my day with a nice little comment… wish I got to hear this more often 😆 :

Blue text is mine, black text is P.C's

For Victoria Day, my friends and I visited this newly opened restaurant at a nearby city and it was amazing. I’m pretty picky about my food quality, especially when eating Japanese food because when it comes to sushi and sashimi, it must be fresh and sanitary, otherwise, you risk catching food poisoning very easily due to the nature of the ingredients. For those who are unaware, most all-you-can-eat Japanese food places do not offer sashimi for lunch but will for dinner since the cost for dinner meals tend to be a lot more. This restaurant though, offered sashimi at lunch too and oh my god did I ever over-indulge 😛 Let’s just say we had our lunch at 12PM and I didn’t have to eat dinner or anything that entire night, haha. Wow, now I totally crave it… URG!

Oh… right, back to today… if you can’t tell, I’m one of those really messy writers because I have thoughts in random places and time, so things never seem to be in chronological order, hah. This morning I also had a monitor-swivel arm installed! I no longer have to use an old server book I had to boost up my monitor, lol.. and my desk looks much neater with extra space now! Yes yes, I get impressed by small things, hey, why not… since I generally don’t get a lot of “big things” in life that make me happy… unless I also happen to win that lottery ticket our staff pooled together 😛

And finally… today… the game I’ve been waiting for for a while finally became available! I should mention I played about 4 hours of it.. yes, that’s totally bad. However, for those who are interested in games and such, definitely take a look at Alpha Protocol! It is addicting and I really didn’t want to put it down, but I also told myself I have to get back to watching my Hong Kong TVB drama series before I fall behind! I have to conclude this random-ass-post so I can get back to watching it as a distraction for me from playing AP again, haha. Speaking of Hong Kong… I suppose I should start spotting out flights for my end-of-the-year trip back home! From what I hear, the prices are supposed to be nasty. Oh well, it’s a vacation, so who cares about the money! I work damn hard for my money, now it’s time I get to enjoy it before I have to spend it on the wife and kids, lol.

Alpha Protocol screenshot

Night night everyone, thanks for enduring my ramblings 😛

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