Just wanted to say Happy New Years to all my loyal readers and passer-byers! I can’t believe it, the start of 2011 marks a full year of this blog’s existence. Even after a year of blogging about menstruation, feminine hygiene and many other personal topics, I still feel highly attached and you should only expect more content to come. My existing hiatus is due to my busy holidays and being away-from-home!
I just got home myself from a short cruise today with family, after all, to celebrate 2011 to be another great and exciting year! The past while with bebe joining me in Hong Kong for a week and trying to balance time with my own family, I have been incredibly drained and exhausted. When I wake up in the morning after full hours of sleep, I feel still tired and yawn often throughout the day. I’m hoping my body doesn’t give up on me, especially since there are only 11 precious days to go before our return to Canada. My schedule is only becoming more packed as people are trying to see us before our departure. During this time since the last update, I have experimented with at least 5-6 different pads which I have yet to post up, even though I have noted my reviews.
I’m excited to say that bebe brought some pads for me as well from Malaysia, an excellent selection I must admit 😛 I’m rather happy she did because it makes me feel that much closer to her, making me particularly excited when I see the same brand/type in the future. For 2011, I hope to continue to make progress in our relationship, because we have much to work on. I find that whenever we try to make big leaps, we tend to fall back more than move forward, showing that bebe and I should probably move slowly. As my aunt said, she agrees that people should “be friends” and then “be lovers” rather than what most people believe that friends can only be friends and lovers are lovers. What is bebe to me? She is my baby, my one true love and the woman I want to be with… what am I to her? I don’t really know. What’s important is that during this time, I try to help her to understand herself and us, so we know where we stand. Bebe refuses to label me as her boyfriend and engage in physical affection with me, so we have much work to achieve that comfort-zone with each other. For now, if she wants to hold her stance as just being a non-attached friend, then so be it, because if I force her to take on the role of my girlfriend when she is not ready, she will only feel suffocated. At the same time, I don’t want to let her “too far out of my sight” as to not allow her to forget she has a very loving guy waiting for her.
Beyond my own needs, all I hope for is that this year our family continues to be blessed with “wealth through health”… because I think I’ve spent so much time this year concentrating on the idea that making money will impress and allow bebe to have a great future. When one thinks deeper, my wealth is the fact I am in good health and can take care of her and our future family. A few days ago, we saw some “attributes” related to her year, one of which was “good health” which she snickered at. Although we have not discussed our health much beyond coughs and stuffy noses, it is likely she is not the most healthiest individual. Ask me before I fell in love with her, that I would want a girl who is not in good health because it may mean lots of “taking care” in the future (rather than usually me being taken care of), but even know she may not be in the best health, I still want to be with her. Health is always a very cautious thing to talk about within a relationship and we don’t do much of it, even though I’ve seen things that might tip me off – but that’s irrelevant. Even now that I know (kind of) what I’m getting myself into, I’m willing to love her and take care of her, no matter what happens to us in the future.
I don’t think any one but me can understand how happy she has made my Christmas and New Year, being able to spend, if even a week, with her. I think the happiest moments were when both happily smiled for the camera. Those were indeed beautiful times and those pictures will be cherished forever. You know, sometimes there are times we she drifts from feeling super close to standing distant away. I know that we BOTH try to make a conscious actions to feel closer with each other and we both play an important part on trying to break that barrier. I know there’s always that mystical force between us that seems to hold us apart until the time is right. I don’t blame it, because sometimes life is guided by fate’s hand and that there are reasons to why things are the way they are. You could say it’s the only way I can console myself, but when things are beyond control, then it makes you realize that there’s more than what we as an individual can do to change a situation.
Love is often an instantaneous spark of feeling and until that same spark ignites within her, she will still keep her distance. I’m like oxygen, I can help her sustain that fire and love for me, but we will first need her to light the fire before I can supply the oxygen to keep it going. As much as I would have loved to embrace her and to hold my lips close to hers this trip (it was worth the dream), I know that my love life is complicated and that every obstacle brings us closer to success. I used to get annoyed at why “love can’t just be easy” – but also realized that every time we trip and fall to reach that end-point will only make us APPRECIATE that end-point even more, helping us survive the many divorces and martial problems that we so often see in this society.
Once again, I’d like to wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR (2011) and hope that this year will bring you your hearts desires. Expect more updates soon, particularly when I return home to Canada!