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Embarassed By My Own Natural Reaction

I’ve been thinking lately, I’m pretty embarrassed over my own feelings for bebe. No, I don’t doubt my devotion to her, but rather, my feelings for her have grown.. uh… rather strong. Until a while ago, I’ve had pretty strong emotions for bebe and stuff, but I’ve always tried to suppress my “other” feelings for her. My feelings for her not only have gone from emotional, but even now physical/sexual. When I say I feel sexual towards her, it doesn’t mean I want to throw her on the bed and start having my way with her, but it means I get excited by the thought of her.I know these are pretty normal feelings, particularly for a guy… but it’s embarrassing for me.

My fav type of huggles!!

Bebe, unlike other girls I’ve been with, isn’t one who is the touchy-touchy type or enjoy physical intimacy in a relationship. Hopefully in time I’ll break that barrier and she’ll not only “accept” physical intimacy, but also embrace and enjoy it. I’ve been so happy with how things are going between us lately… the only thing that has bothered me that I’m trying to get over is what I just spoke about, the lack of physical comfort. Even when I talk about just wanting to hug her… she gets all quiet on me or just ignores me. It makes me hurt a bit, but then I keep reminding myself she just needs to experience once before she knows how comforting it is. I mean hugging isn’t exactly a “oh-my-god, he did what?!!” type of move… I would even dare say that hugs for the most part are not highly-sexual in nature. Bebe still seems very avoiding of physical contact and it sort of bugs me, and I’m sure she’s aware of it… but I want to do as much as possible to melt that barrier. Why is it so hard? I need to understand… sigh.

Nevertheless, I think about how much my feelings for her have grown. One might wonder why being excited over your own girl might be so unusual and it’s not, but when I think of her and become excited, it’s not even because I’m thinking of dirty things about her. I don’t think about her nude, I don’t think about her doing sexy things, I simply think about her and I already get excited and horny over her. WHY?!! I don’t even think sexual thoughts about her, how can I get sexually excited?! I mean, I could completely blame just being male and that’s why, but usually I have to think about a girl sexually before I even get excited, but with bebe, I just think about how beautiful of a person she is, inside and out, that it gets me all riled up over her.

PERVERT - Only you could see something other than a mouse

When I talk to bebe, I swear, my eyes glaze over, I get hot inside and I start to swoon over her. She’s SO DAMN HOT… and since when, I ask myself. When I first saw her, I just seen her as “just the average Asian girl”… small, cute and lovable, but I could not recall when I began to just drool over her… I think I need a bib. I’m starting to believe that the way you view physical attraction changes over time as you get to know a person better. Suddenly things about their personality, helps amplify their physical beauty as well… in other words, beauty is also an acquired taste. I hope that in time, I will become more attractive in bebe’s eyes… I’m not even concerned about how others view me now, as long as bebe views me in a positive light. I’m not hoping that she’ll see me as not having any faults, but to learn to love me for who I am. If I can see her as being more beautiful over time, then surely, she can see me as being more handsome over time. I hate to think that because she’s doesn’t “like the way I look” that it prevents her from being physically-close to me.

Some girls also look even hotter when they’re angry and ferocious. I was watching a TVB series today called When Lanes Merge (情越雙白線)… and there’s couple of scenes where she’s angry and ferocious, she looks so frigging amazing. Bebe can look a mixture of scary and totally drooltastic when she has her “angry look” on… 😆 – In all reality, I think I can find perfection in every look she has, haha… could be her best or her worse and I still say it’s great XD

Kate Tsui - Black and White

So tomorrow, I’m finally headed out on a beautiful 18-hour flight to Hong Kong. I’m excited to see my family! On the topic of my blog, I’ve already marked a few feminine hygiene items worthy of purchase and testing while I’m there 😀 In fact, this week there is a Kotex Whites Slim w/ Wings XX-Long on sale @ ParkNShop ($20.90HKD/pack) this week which I’m hoping to get a chance to snatch up before it ends! I’ll be hunting for some good deals so I can test them while I’m there and also, I’m sure my friend Amy has some presents waiting for me already 😆 I already know that as I mention this, she is going to ask me “Is Bebe going to buy some for you when she comes back?!!” ‘cuz she’s been asking for a while, haha. Well, I guess we’ll find out whether bebe remembers to get me a souvenir (although very different than what most people get, LOL)… I’ll update as soon as I get a chance, especially if I get some pictures of Asia’s superior pads/tampons! 🙂 Cheers and enjoy your holidays everyone.

PARKnSHOP - Kotex WHITE SLIM WING XX LONG 8'S

Things to-do Before My Trip

I think I check my blog more often than I check my to-do-list… so I’m going to record what I need to do before leaving here, lol… if I forget something, please let me know 😆

  • Pack iPhone and Blackberry, including chargers/case
  • Remove SIM from my iPhone before getting on the plane so I don’t incur roaming charges
  • Prepare and pack laptop with charger, mouse, external burner, external hard drive and security cable
  • Pack a few pieces of more “professional” clothing in case I need to go into an office environment or formal-dining
  • Backup and synchronize all my files
  • Move my home server to work so I have access to my files when abroad
  • Collect all outstanding payments from my customers and clear their invoices
  • Get someone to water my plants at work
  • Lower office temperature, clean my office and polish bebe’s picture frame
  • Move my storage of pads/tampons to somewhere secure and won’t be accidentally found
  • Turn off any non-essential electronics in the house and in the office
  • Lower house temperature just enough to prevent pipes from freezing
  • Turn off water-flow to most areas of the house
  • Check all windows are dead-bolted
  • Change my cards/money over to my “traveling” wallet and bring only the most necessary credentials, especially my Canadian Citizenship, HK SmartID (Proof of  Residency), Octopus card and bebe’s picture
  • Pack the 3 laptops I configured to give to my cousins
  • Unload and store all my guns, except for one kept in a secret spot
  • Send out email to family, friends and customers about my absence
  • Do online check-in 24 hours before departure and see if we can find better seats
  • Get HKD from safety deposit box and remove valuables from the house into the box until we return
  • Research which phone plan to get while I’m in HK
  • Get all my voice-mails with an away-from-the-office note
  • Transfer any data I need to bring with me onto my external hard drive and memory stick
  • Clear out my memory card in my camera and make sure I bring plenty of spare batteries
  • Clear all my payments on insurance and credit cards
  • Make sure my investments are being monitored by my broker
  • Pack my electric shaver

Hrm.. that’s all I can think of for now, I wonder if I’m missing anything 😀

Hong Kong Quickly Approaching

I can’t believe it… just a bit over 3 weeks and I’ll be escaping the start of Canadian winter. Of course, I’ll also be back smack in-the-middle of it too! I booked my tickets during the summer holidays and can’t believe it has dawned on me already. I was out at Mississauga yesterday with one of my best girl-friend, hit up some shopping, talked for hours, got some bubble tea and lazied around her house. She was all excited about me going on vacation to Hong Kong again and said that it’s just around the corner and I was like, “No way, it’s still months away” and she’s like, “Uhh.. it’s less than a month silly!” Just moments ago I remember it being the start of the school-year and working my ass off and time has flown by just like this. She gave me a small list of things to get her because she won’t be coming back with me for another good 3 years when she has her finances better-settled and have vacation days available. Given that I didn’t even know departure date is coming so quickly, I still have to write down my things-to-pack, particularly getting my laptop travel-ready and my unlocked Blackberry so I can stick a HK-SIM in as soon as I arrive. I have a feeling I won’t be getting a data-plan this time, which means no emails outside of a WiFi zone… which Hong Kong is saturated with as it is anyways.

My friend’s boyfriend went to a stag party, so she ended up staying quite a bit with me and pretty much chatting my ear off. Slowly it was approaching dinner time and I think she began to get tired and she ended up falling asleep on me. I didn’t want to move and wake her up and it just didn’t feel natural for me to have a girl other than bebe lie next to me. I mean, I’ve known this girl for 25 of my 25 year life, we’ve done almost everything together and there are almost ‘no barriers’ between us… but yet, I can’t stand having another girl lie on me anymore. I felt so shy, so ashamed and perhaps even slightly uncomfortable. I know in my heart that I’m not cheating on bebe because my best friend got too tired and nodded off, but it just didn’t feel right. I tried to fall asleep myself since there’s no point of me staring blankly at the walls, but I just couldn’t because the girl who’s curled up by me isn’t her. After an hour of doing nothing and trying not to breathe too hard, she finally woke up and we went out for dinner then called it a night. She did get me a pack of chocolate which I ashamedly admit I’ve finished already, LOL… just can’t say no to Godiva 😆

I will be gone for a good 34 days and although that’s a month and a bit more, it’ll fly by just-like-that, it does every time. I haven’t even arranged where I’m going to stay yet, although I do hope that the place we rent out is vacant so I can stay at it again and have a place to myself… or stay at my cousin’s place which is nice too 😀 I don’t know how often I’ll update this blog from December-January, although I don’t want to see it die or people become disinterested. I’ll definitely try to keep content active, although not sure how often period related, and I might even get the liberty to take pictures and add information about all the cool pads and tampons found in HK!

Just to think that a month after I return from my vacation, bebe will be returning to Canada too. It has been so many months and she has yet to say a word on me on MSN. I’m amazed at women’s ability to override their own conscience … or perhaps 良心 better described in Chinese. It’s like they can push their own thoughts and feelings away somehow and have total disregard for it. Does she think about me? Does she care about how I feel? Does she know she’s hurting me? How can she go about knowing she’s hurting me? … and more importantly, I just want to feel secure in knowing that when she returns to Canada, we can start a new life together. I can forgive everything she’s done to me because really, the past doesn’t matter. All I care about is the future, the future which her and I will share together, for better or worse. It’s 6 months she’s had practicality no contact with me, maybe a bit of time for her to grow, be with her family and friends, but I’m not an obstruction, I’m not here to remove freedom from her, but I want to be the guy who brings her happiness, stability, comfort and security. She sees me as some kind of hindrance as if I will prevent her from spending time with her family or consume her life. I think it’s a terrible way to see a relationship, I just wish she’d be more realistic about what relationships REALLY are about, it isn’t a matter of spending every living moment together and losing independence.

I guess Hong Kong will give me away to perhaps lift my mind from bebe, even for a bit. Instead of being 13,000 KM’s away from her, I’ll only be 2,500… damn that’s close! Hell, I’ll even be in the same time zone as her and if anything, my heart will feel that-much closer to hers. When she’s sleeping, I’m sleeping and knowing that I’m dreaming of her and that she’s always on my mind.

I can’t wait to take some amazing pictures with my new camera. It seems like every time I go to Hong Kong, I take certain pictures always from the same angle or even the same scenery, but there are some shots that are worth getting repeats of and mainly because unlike Canada, the rate at which landscape changes in HK is maddening. From what I’ve read, Hong Kong has already had (since 2 years ago), added a plethora of new subway stops and has extended their subway lines to “suburban” areas already. Where our family resides, there’s a brand new subway, train, taxi and bus station in-service, so the pictures that I took last time standing from the same spot and facing the same way probably has considerably changed.

I’ll try to squeeze one more period-post in before I leave, but I really don’t know which topic to choose since I have written down so many to talk about 😀

The Righteous Brothers – Unchained Melody

Oh, my love
my darling
I’ve hungered for your touch
a long lonely time
and time goes by so slowly
and time can do so much
are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
Godspeed your love to me

Lonely rivers flow to the sea,
to the sea
to the open arms of the sea
lonely rivers sigh ‘wait for me, wait for me’
I’ll be coming home wait for me

Oh, my love
my darling
I’ve hungered for your touch
a long lonely time
and time goes by so slowly
and time can do so much
are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
Godspeed your love to me

Emoness Strikes Again!

Ah, today’s just one-of-those days. It’s just 8ish right now and I’m already laid down in my bed and rolling around. The weather has been great today and right now, it’s a beautiful scenery out my window. I stepped outside, just to capture a few great shots. Other than being head-over-heels for my girlfriend, the next thing I’m in love with is my new camera. Yes, I’m hardly adept at taking great photos, but sometimes I see photography like art. As long as I’m happy with the shots taken and they’re expressive of my own feelings, then it doesn’t really matter if it’s praised to appreciated by others. I guess I’m rolling around because I’m feeling kinda down today. I haven’t checked the calendar, has it been a month since I’ve been emo? LOL.

Every once in a while, I’m just hit with this pang of sadness. It never was like this for the few months that bebe and I had regular contact. I feel so lost in this world without her, like I’m wandering aimlessly until she’s ready to pick me up again. It’s like this thick fog that sometimes clears up but at times thickens so much that you just want to scream but no one will hear you or see you. You wish that others could help you, but when you’re lost in fog, there is little that anyone else can do for you. You can wander and wander, only hoping that you will make it to the end alive.

I know this is quite unhealthy, no one should be subjected to pains from relationships like this, but that’s a moot point. Anyone who’s ever been in a relationship before, will know how I feel. There is a saying that a person who falls and gets up is not a fool, but one who falls and stays down is a fool for life. I believe in that, I believe that only someone who has no goal, no direction and no willpower in life can never achieve success. I am heartfelt that I can achieve this goal, not only to fall in love, but to cause someone to fall in love with me. I admit that there are times when I have thought of things, things that maybe dark and sinister to think and do – things that I dare not admit to anyone. I know the games she tries to play, but yet, I refuse to let these games push me over the edge. I vent them here, because it is an output for it, because I’m not going to let her get to me that easily, even if she does all these destructive things to my mind, heart and soul. She wants me to crack, she wants to prove to herself that I am ‘not worthy’ – but I will climb this hill, and prove to her I am worth it – because we both know better.

Albeit my nasty thoughts when I’m feeling angry, I think clearly, there is a Chinese saying that, “You may be able to stay a person’s heart, but cannot stay their body” and it is true – and I would not consider doing anything dramatic or over-the-top because I want not only want her to stay with me, but have her heart stay with me as well. What if I do something, that forces her to be here, but when her heart is elsewhere or is against her will? Logically, the only right way to win love, is to win the person as a whole. Sometimes I am a foolish little boy, I will think of things to do, perhaps very nasty things, that may in the end, have results – but not the correct results. That, I certainly want to avoid. There is a side of me that thinks with logical, a side of me that thinks with emotions and another side of me that thinks with anger/vengeance. I hope to god, I never need to tap into the latter, because it is fearful side of me that even scares myself. The only person that has ever seen the latter side of me, is my ex-ex girlfriend, which I admit, was a very unfortunate case and I never want to repeat and draw that side out of me. The more I let her actions get to me, the sadder I feel. I must be positive, towards myself and towards her… because if I’m upset and angry with what she’s doing – OR – speculating negatively about things, it only hurts me. It was about a week ago, that I became to do positive speculations for things she does, because whether they are true or not, they sure as hell make me feel a lot better. In turn, this positivity transcends itself through my actions and feelings towards her. I hum to myself, “I can do it”, “We can do it”, “We will succeed” and “Patience, experience, wisdom and compassion” – if it was not for faith, hope and loyalty – I know I would’ve fallen. Yet today, I stand firm on the ground with my feet and say, “I know I can!”

But onto happier note rather than being all melancholic, is that next Tuesday, my ex-ex and I will be meeting up together. We did get into a little tuffle with each other, because we wanted to meet up for dinner and I didn’t “appear” to be too excited (and in all reality, I was, lol… and still am). We were at each others throat for almost 1/2 hour before we finally realized that things were a misunderstanding on our parts (lol – doesn’t life suck when that happens?).

It has been quite a few years since we’ve seen each other, and it’ll be great to catch up on things and more important – see how much we have changed since our last meet and since we have been together (which goes even farther back, haha – we’re old :lol:). We were together too young and logically, we have went through many changes in our life – which has redefined the people we once were (and are today), resulting in our breakup. As people grow up, focuses shift and things that were important/unimportant to us changes as well. With that said, we are the person we are today as a result of each other – for better, or worse 😀 She is a great girl and I suppose it’s a bit weird for many who generally don’t have much positive things to say about ex’s – but with all but one, I have nothing but great things to say about them.

For years, I used to spend a lot of time “comparing” girls… and truly, it was unfair. My ex-ex girlfriend was the one that really “set the bar” for all other girls. If they “weren’t as good as her, they weren’t worth chasing” – and honestly, there’s not all too many girls in this world who are as awesome as her XD – but she thinks otherwise, lol. Nevertheless, this was really poorly judgement (not of her!!!) on my part, by comparing one girl to another. One cannot have expectations of one girlfriend to another, expecting them to do the same things, act the same way, have the same expectations, or fall for the same romance. Every person is an individual and blindly, it took me a while to see that. I took my ex-ex as a “baseline requirement” for all future girlfriends, except for my current. The reality is our emotions and chemistry is what connects one person to another and sometimes, these expectations, wants and needs are all irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. We think we may not fall for someone, only to find ourselves neck-deep-in-the-water. The ways that humans interact and connect on a non-verbal and psychological level boggles the mind and I’m not even going to get into that – lol – I could probably write a 10 page essay on it. I still hang out with most of my ex’s and it’s cool that way. I certainly can’t see my girlfriend being the jealous type (and plus, she’s playing cold shoulders anyways, so I couldn’t talk to her if I wanted to), so I never have to “clear” with her the fact I’m hanging out with them. I draw very clear lines about how I treat my ex’s … and I’ll definitely be nice and gentlemanly to them, but would definitely not go beyond what I’d do/how I’d treat my bebe (after all, she’s my most important girl :D)!

Oh god, I digress (all the time) – we’re going to meet up in Toronto and go have dinner. We haven’t picked a place, but I have to take the train. You cannot imagine, because I’m sure most people who read my blog already have this preconception of me that I’m the “big tough guy” (minus the whole interest in menstruation thing, hahaha) – but I’m soooo chicken when it comes to taking public transportation – especially when it’s outside of my town/city. For some odd reason, I don’t have this same fear/discomfort when I have to take the MTR/KCR (subway/train) in Hong Kong. So I swallowed my pride and saliva a bit and told her I’d take the train out and also, told her how much of a pussy I am (LOL) and if she could pick me up from the main station, haha. To be honest, I hate driving into Toronto because of their traffic and lack-of-parking space. I also know myself well enough that I don’t want to contend with the shitty/overly aggressive drivers there either. I have a temper when it comes to dealing with stupid-people on the road, and I’m sure I’d pull someone out of their car and beat them or shoot them through the windshield – so let’s not do that!

I’m so excited and we haven’t seen each other in ages. Our last meet up a few years ago was… err, let’s just say – a bit weird, because I was still in that phase of “trying to get her back” and I ashamedly say I caused some awkward situations (although she was very understanding about it – and was still ladylike!!), so this one will be more smooth now that I’m already committed to a very special girl, she won’t have to worry about me getting all flirty with her 😀 We’ve grown up so much, that we’re very different and our life has changed tremendously. I hope connecting in person will also help us understand one another more, given that we still get into disagreements sometimes because we just don’t see each others angles. Can you tell I’m really excited? 🙂

Anyways… going to leave it at this, I suppose I’ll go talk to some friends on Skype – they tend to cheer me up or get my mind away from bebe once in a while. I have this really long and boring meeting that I’m not looking forward to tomorrow – so I want to be mentally ready and stable, haha, rather than being grumpy with how I’m being treated right now (for the second time) … even Poh Ching was like, “Wait, she’s doing that to you AGAIN? WTF!” (or “WTFish” – since she doesn’t like to swear), hehe.. what a cutie.

Night night.. and OH – the pictures…

No, it's not the old Windows wallpaper... that really IS the sky today here!

My lovely tree!

My backyard - although the grass was not freshly cut for the picture, too bad.

My neighbours roses... oh how many times my family and I have got thorned by it, haha.

It's a really nice neighbourhood around here! Very tranquil.

Fashion and Beauty

Another random-thoughts post today… well, not perhaps completely random since it was inspired by a conversation my friend and I had, but parts of it is! How many of us has ever had a significant other ask us, “Do I look fat in this?” and there never is a proper answer that doesn’t result in a punishment, lol. Yes yes, it’s very cliché, but, it leads into the thing I pondered today, about fashion and about our special-someone… male or female! (although males tend not to ask the “fat” question).

I ask of my readers to think or even comment… when in a relationship, do you have certain expectations of fashion for your significant other? Do you want your s/o dressed in a certain manner because he/she appears more attractive in that type of style? To be honest, I’ve never been “big” on the whole fashion thing… when I was in elementary school, sweatpants was my thing. Yes yes, I received quite a bit of laughs from peers, but whatever, I wrote them anyways… when I went to school, I had the mentality that I wasn’t there to become a fashion statement, I was there to be educated. By the time high school arrived, I switched over to the “cool thing” to wear, which were jeans. Then oddly enough, when post-secondary came around, going to school was no longer a fashion competition… some people were late/tired enough to walk into class in their PJ’s (and you can tell those who purposefully wear PJ’s as a fashion-statement versus those who seriously weren’t prepared). People didn’t make fun of one another because they were wearing the latest styles or fitting in with the trends… just having clothes on was good enough!

Since I began working, my clothing styles have changed considerably, moving away from the more “younger look” to the more “professional” look and my dresser definitely reflects that. Many of my t-shirts, jeans, shorts, etc. have all been stashed in farther-to-reach corners or in the “weekend” section of my closest. Although my workplace has extremely loose dress-codes (and enforcement, or lack thereof), I prefer to still follow by them and also because I feel I look much more presentable in business-casual. Knowing that my girlfriend prefers jeans and t-shirts, I remember going on a date once in a very casual clothing. Honestly, I didn’t like it… but hey, whatever makes her happy 😛

On one of our more recent dates, she casually mentioned that she really liked my business-casual style, because I appear to be more well-kept and I’d have to say it was quite a flattering comment and from then on, I dressed in the way she liked… a more professional look, even for casual dates. Obviously when girls say these things, it takes an idiot not to remember, lol. My only big gripe about going from work to her house is that generally I’m not smelling my best … after all, I just finished a day of work and the deodorant only takes you so far… lol and guys.. trying to cover up your smell of shit with cologne is not effective 😛 Although I’m not rancid because I’m not a labourer and tend not to have to break a sweat, but I sure as hell don’t smell like I just came out of the shower. She has never commented on my dress style much and it’s really nice of her. I know I don’t “dress the best”, don’t have the “best fashion sense” and I don’t have impeccable hygiene (just GOOD hygiene). I don’t have crap stuck between my teeth, my breath doesn’t reek, my pants aren’t ripped and my hair doesn’t appear to make me look I just came off the street (minus the dry-flakes from the hair growth formula I’m taking… I wish it didn’t shed like that).

Suffice to say, I also don’t have huge expectations that my girl would go “above and beyond” for me either. I can’t (nor would I) force her to wear “something sexy” – I simply maintain a standard that as long as she doesn’t look too much like a guy then we’re good – lol… that’s not a lot to ask for, right? I don’t want her to wear loose jeans or something like those “gangster” guys who have their ass-cracks revealed because their pants are so low and honestly, I wouldn’t want my girlfriend wearing extremely revealing things anyways. I’m afraid I’d have to rip too many guy’s eyes out for staring at her.

Here’s a conversation a friend and I had yesterday on this topic (thus the inspiration to write this) and here are some excerpts of it which will help stimulate your mind into thinking about this topic…

[Black text is my friend’s message… red text is mine]

hey wana ask u something
[…]
ummm
would you expect her to dress up , lets say when you take her out to join your friends?
she’s a jeans girl rite
she doesn’t really dress up now anyways, lol.
would u expect her to wear more make up(if she does?), and pretty herself more? like wear a cute skirt
nope, she doesn’t
she does wear stuff i like though
i have certain things i prefer she wears
like?
she does that
like?
well just certain t-shirts make her look better
LOL
and certain tops
that’s all
i asked her about wearing skirts before and she only has once
[…]
she said this might change in the future, but for now, she’s just a jeans and t-shirt girl
which is fine
[…]

lol
in a way, she does “pretty herself up” since she always smells good, looks nice and will choose clothing i like
but nothing extreme
just maybe “more than usual”
but most of the times when i see her, it is me coming from work
so i usually smell and don’t look my best
HAHAHA

umm
so you dont pus her to wear skirts or dress more often?
like on dates with you?
nope.
of course not
it’s her body
her choice of clothing

hmm
i’ve made mention of it, but she says no skirts probably
since she doesn’t HAVE any
makes it rather hard
i mean, yes, it’d be nice if she was girly-girl sometimes
but i can handle the way she is

lets say, you have an nformal gahtering with friends, YOUR friends, n u bring her along
*informal
i’d want them to see her the way she is
omg
u’re so damned nice
the only time I told her i’d expect her to dress up
is if the place we’re going to
enforces dress-code
like a nice restaurant

omg
i repeat, ur so damn nice
my ex wants to show me off to his friensds
but u two aren’t dating O.o
like: “see my gorgeous gf?”
no
in the past
im just analysing
my ex told me to dress up wheever we go for gatherings
but i said his frens dun dress up
its informal
we hang at each others(freind’s) houses
why shd i dress up?
he said he’d like to show me off
as tho im a freaking show girl, a crowd pleaser, entertainment girl?
i hate wearing skirts at gatherigns at houses because we all sit on the floor, n such
in a relaxed manner
not a formal, stiff meeting
so chances for me to chao kong is alot
so i avoid skirts
his friends wear simple old shirts – he expects me to dress uP?
Wtfart
well every guy wants to show his girl off
well
LOL
it’s a normal guy thing
haha
we like to compare EVERYTHING 😀

but u dont?
why do u think we measure our dicks?
u said u dun make her wear skirts
i’d show her off, but show her off with whatever she’s wearing
she’s beautiful in every way
so why does she need a skirt?
haha

exactly
😦
ohh
this is a great blog topic
gotta write this down
haha

ok, i know guys like to compare
but
arent you supposed to be happy with yr girl, hwv she wants to dress?
i mean, thats her
thats why ur with her in the first plce
i tried to discuss this issue to my ex
but he said “if u think im bad for asking you to look pretty, up to you”
i was sad back then
most people say im good-looking, in my jeans
wihtout a speck of make up
it seemed everyone except him saw my beauty
au naturel

Anyways, after some food-for-thought, how much do couples cater to each others expectations of dress-wear? Do we often expect too much, only to find disappointment? How much of a “right” do we have to expect our s/o to dress a certain way? Would you change your (or to what degree) of your fashion if your s/o asked you to?

Which then leads me to the next topic of beauty. Beauty is an extremely LARGE topic, so I’m going to choose one particular one today that I pondered while watching a Chinese show. Growing up in an Asian environment, there is a large emphasis (err.. maybe I should say this is quite common around-the-world now, but more so in Asia) on being thin. I don’t mean being “slender” or “toned” or “fit” – I mean thin as a stick. I was talking to Poh Ching today on how I crave to be thin again because I am too fat to which she replied she didn’t think I was fat. Perhaps being submersed in an extremely Asian family, my definition of “too fat” is any guy who weighs over 130lbs (which I would be categorized over that weight). Likewise, I have read many blogs on WordPress about Asian girls who have posted their “success” on becoming size 0 (zero). To me, a girl like that is stick-and-bones and although I dare not ask what my girlfriend’s size is (or risk getting a swift kick to the nuts), I’m not particular to girls who have barely any meat left on them. I’m not into necrophilia, so I have no interests towards a girls’ skeleton.

With that said, a female chef who was a regular guest in this show called “Beautiful Cooking” or 美女廚房 definitely caught my eye the very first time she showed up. Her name is Kit Mak (麥潔兒) and while she may not be voted Miss HK by any means, I found a lot of beauty within her, through her in-show personality (which I’ve seen her on shows other than Beautiful Cooking), listening to other actors/actresses speak about her and from her physical appearance. To Asian standards, a lady of this size is considered “large” and many Asian guys will likely “overlook” her due to her “large” body size.

Picture of Kit Mak (麥潔兒)

Perhaps in this picture it is not apparent because of the coverage by her clothing, but she falls under the “larger” side of typical Asian women, and it’s particularly noticeable on her face, arms and legs when revealed. Her beautiful smile along with her tomboyish voice will definitely changes your “at-a-glance” opinion of her. She’s not one of those girls that I drool over or pass-out if I were to meet her in person, but I’d definitely say that just because she’s large, doesn’t mean she can’t be beautiful.

Our society, particularly in Asia, our ideals of “big” and “small” are quite extreme. Many of my girl-friends in Hong Kong continually tell me that they want to “lose weight” when I already tell them that if they already look superb. Setting health-complications aside from being overly thin, I think it actually looks (what I personally call) “unhealthy” when I see a girl who are disgustingly thin (to my standards). I fear any type of action upon them would result in them being crushed. Heck, even my girlfriend who’s not stick-thin, but super duper cute n’ small – even I’m afraid of crushing her if I were to bear-hug her or something 😆 .. wouldn’t want to kill her now. With that said, Asian standards place a large percentage on what we perceive as beauty as the body size of a woman. As you can see with Kit, she embodies beauty without a size 0 body.

With my girls, I prefer to think of their body size in terms of healthiness and not so much using raw numbers as a measurement. My greater worries of a “large” girl would be health complications, much more so than her just being a few pounds heavier. Likewise, an extremely thin girl can also suffer the same problems and don’t kid yourself, someone on either end of the scale can be extremely fatal. Whether a person is underweight or overweight does not necessarily determine all their health statuses, but certainly, is a decent indicator.

In many places of the world in ancient times and even as recent at 1930’s and 1950’s, ‘big women’ were considered beautiful. How much our society has changed in defining beauty through an abnormally slim waistline! Personally, I find it appalling when I see girls with “assets” that are large, but with an extremely small body. I’m a believer of proportions and it really ruins the eyes when you see bodies that seem disproportionate to the rest of a person’s body and this holds true for guys and girls. A girl I knew in high school had these extremely large breasts… “large” is probably an understatement… but she was bent on keeping herself under 110lbs. Goodness… her breasts probably weigh half of that and yet she wanted the rest of her body to be the other half! As much as all the guys drooled over these huge honking tits, I wanted to throw up, because she had no body left after her breasts consumed it all.

I know every once in a while, I’ll tease my girlfriend (in a completely-joking capacity) about the foods she eats, the sedentary lifestyle she has and worry that she’s going to be “fatter than I am” – but in reality, she’s very beautiful. Although she may change in the future, body-wise, for better or worse, who she is inside doesn’t change. Do we as humans, often look for beauty in all the wrong places? Do we crave for the women who walk down the streets half-naked or shirt far down enough to see her nipples? Do girls crave for guys who have this nice ass (Poh Ching… LOL!) only to realize that’s where we take our shits from? There are so many forms of beauty and as humans, we are often blind to things until people point them out for us.

To wrap it up… I’m a big fan of “Bubzbeauty” (a.k.a Bubbi) or Lindy Tsang, a well-known online beauty expert… and since we’re on the topic of “beauty”… god damn. Heck, my girlfriend is beautiful too, but I’m sure she’d shoot me for posting her picture up, so let’s just go with someone who doesn’t mind having her pictures plastered over the internet 😛

Lindy Tsang (Bubbi) - Bubzbeauty

Prexus’ Friday Thoughts

This post has no educational value (nor is it period-related… unless I slip something in there). I just figured after a string of some period-posts, that I’d stick one of my random-thought posts in here.

For the past while, I’ve been playing a game called Just Cause 2. It was extremely addicting and playing for 5-hours was not exactly healthy – although it did kill time on days that I did not have side-work. Oh right, speaking of which, my past two weeks have been nuts. Other than my regular day job, I also do I.T. work on the side and almost every other week-day, I had a client who required my services. Oh yes, I absolutely love making money, but when every night you come home at 8-9PM, it isn’t so “lovely” anymore.. mind you I also worked 8 hours prior to that. So after calculating this month’s “additional income,” I am fairly happy with the results.

Every month, I worry about wanting more business and I don’t see why life can’t space things out for you, lol. I mean, last month was just crappy and all of a sudden the last 2 weeks of May, I’m bombarded. It’s funny, I guess humans can never be satisfied (or maybe just me :lol:).. either we complain about having too little or too much. However, I do have some extra dollars now to line my wallet with, especially because the past while I admit I have been on a spending spree. My girlfriend and I spent a lot of time eating out, which consequently other than probably not being great on my waistline, it also costs money. Rest assured, I am not complaining, I love spending time with her, even if it costs money XD – after all, money is made to be spent! Second, I bought a camera a while ago, for those who follow my blog… then third, I had to get a new computer case and power supply, so it all adds up! Well, I suppose at least I haven’t bought pads for a while, so there has been no expense for that (yet) 😛

So anyways, a few days at work, we had a breast cancer awareness day at work (not the “official” breast cancer awareness day) where workers were asked to wear an article of pink to show their support. I was holding a meeting in the meeting room outside of my office so a few of the attendees arrived and since my office is right there, I sat in my own office to wait.

Since I enjoy conversing a lot, a couple of the staff who I’m particularly closer to invited themselves in just to chit-chat (a guy and a girl). The other guy and I immediately noticed the girl wasn’t wearing anything pink, so we inquired. She replied, “Sure I am, you guys just can’t see it!” and the other guy and I both knew what that meant. This girl is a complete tease though. She plopped herself up on the corner of my desk and since I was sitting down and she was wearing a skirt, the eye-level was perfect. The other guy grinned and sat down next to me, but I totally turned away and looked at my monitor. Mind you, I dislike doing something while someone is talking to me, but I couldn’t very well be looking between her legs at her pink panties because that is EXACTLY what I’d see if I was facing her since I’m ‘lower’ than she is on the desk. Rest assured, if I were single, I’d probably be looking, lol, yes – I am a guy.

The other guy got a kick out of it and I was sure I could see a little drool on the side of his mouth, but I was totally trying to avoid looking ‘there’. Girls probably get a kick out of teasing guys like that 😛 For some reason, I have this obligation to “be a good boy” and not do something that would compromise my loyalty to my girlfriend. After all, I should not be looking at another girl’s … err.. crotch area, EVEN if she completely intended to let us look. The point is girls definitely know how to play our desires against us and I’m pretty sure I would’ve gave it a 2nd.. 3rd.. maybe even 4th look had I not been in a relationship, haha. The thing was the other guy was married and he still had no qualms about looking 😆 – damn it, why must girls do such things?!

This morning, I had a lot of fun talking to one of my authors, Poh Ching, for quite a lengthy period of time.. or well, more than we normally do! It made me really think and take time to cherish the way humans connect with one another. For those who don’t know, I met P.C simply through my blog when I started… she was my first subscriber and consequently, the first commenter on my blog. In the past, we do not spend much time talking because of our opposite time-zones and her field-of-study requires her to concentrate a lot on school. We get sporadic chats if we’re lucky, maybe 10-20 mins every week, yet, we have a fairly unique friendship and connect in ways that doesn’t seem plausible for people who have never met in person and quite literally a random person off the internet.

Nevertheless, we often share things we don’t with anyone else, talk about many personal things and enjoy each-others company. It certainly feels weird to feel so close to someone who we know “little about” – yet in a profound way, know a lot of things. It’s hard to describe the feeling, but it makes me ponder the bonds which tie humans together. There have been times she’s kept me sane at work, like that time I was talking to her over MSN in the middle of a meeting because I was ready to fall asleep, haha. Speaking of which, P.C, I loved the convo today 😀 lololol. Not only do I really enjoy talking to her, she brings a sense of happiness to my day, especially the past few days after she has finished all her exams and truly have time to dedicate herself to an entire conversation! We talked from morning, to afternoon, to even when I got home from work 😀 She made my day with a nice little comment… wish I got to hear this more often 😆 :

Blue text is mine, black text is P.C's

For Victoria Day, my friends and I visited this newly opened restaurant at a nearby city and it was amazing. I’m pretty picky about my food quality, especially when eating Japanese food because when it comes to sushi and sashimi, it must be fresh and sanitary, otherwise, you risk catching food poisoning very easily due to the nature of the ingredients. For those who are unaware, most all-you-can-eat Japanese food places do not offer sashimi for lunch but will for dinner since the cost for dinner meals tend to be a lot more. This restaurant though, offered sashimi at lunch too and oh my god did I ever over-indulge 😛 Let’s just say we had our lunch at 12PM and I didn’t have to eat dinner or anything that entire night, haha. Wow, now I totally crave it… URG!

Oh… right, back to today… if you can’t tell, I’m one of those really messy writers because I have thoughts in random places and time, so things never seem to be in chronological order, hah. This morning I also had a monitor-swivel arm installed! I no longer have to use an old server book I had to boost up my monitor, lol.. and my desk looks much neater with extra space now! Yes yes, I get impressed by small things, hey, why not… since I generally don’t get a lot of “big things” in life that make me happy… unless I also happen to win that lottery ticket our staff pooled together 😛

And finally… today… the game I’ve been waiting for for a while finally became available! I should mention I played about 4 hours of it.. yes, that’s totally bad. However, for those who are interested in games and such, definitely take a look at Alpha Protocol! It is addicting and I really didn’t want to put it down, but I also told myself I have to get back to watching my Hong Kong TVB drama series before I fall behind! I have to conclude this random-ass-post so I can get back to watching it as a distraction for me from playing AP again, haha. Speaking of Hong Kong… I suppose I should start spotting out flights for my end-of-the-year trip back home! From what I hear, the prices are supposed to be nasty. Oh well, it’s a vacation, so who cares about the money! I work damn hard for my money, now it’s time I get to enjoy it before I have to spend it on the wife and kids, lol.

Alpha Protocol screenshot

Night night everyone, thanks for enduring my ramblings 😛

Got something that is red, but not my period! It is a….

new digital camera!!! 😀

It is so damn sexy, I love it! It is a Nikon Coolpix L110 and these are the spec overview:

Max resolution 4000 x 3000
Low resolution 3968 x 2232, 3264 x 2448, 2592 x 1944, 2048 x 1536, 1024 x 768, 640 x 480
Image ratio w:h 4:3, 16:9
Effective pixels 12.2 million
Sensor photo detectors 12.4 million
Sensor size 1/2.3 ” (6.16 x 4.62 mm, 0.28 cm²)
Pixel density 43 MP/cm²
Sensor type CCD
Sensor manufacturer Unknown
ISO rating Auto, Auto gain ISO 80-800, 80, 100, 200, 400, 800, 1600, (3200, 6400 with boost)
Zoom wide (W) 28 mm
Zoom tele (T) 420 mm (15 x)
Digital zoom Yes, 4x
Image stabilization Yes, Sensor-shift
Auto Focus TTL
Manual Focus Yes
Normal focus range 60 cm
Macro focus range 1 cm
White balance override 5 positions plus manual
Aperture range F3.5 – F5.4
Min shutter 8 sec
Max shutter 1/2000 sec
Built-in Flash Yes, (Pop-Up)
Flash range
External flash No
Flash modes Auto, On, Off, Red-eye, Fill-in, Slow Syncro
Exposure compensation -2 to +2 EV in 1/3 EV steps
Metering
Aperture priority No
Shutter priority No
Focal length multiplier
Lens thread
Continuous Drive Yes, 13 fps
Movie Clips Yes, 1280 x 720 (HD 30 fps), 640 x 480 (30 fps), 320 x 240 (30 fps)
Remote control Yes
Self-timer Yes, 3 sec or 10 sec
Timelapse recording Unknown
Orientation sensor Unknown
Storage types SD/SDHC, Internal
Storage included 43 MB Internal
Uncompressed format No
Quality Levels
Viewfinder None
LCD 3 “
LCD Dots 460,000
Live View No
USB USB 2.0 (480Mbit/sec)
HDMI Yes
Wireless No
GPS No
Environmentally sealed No
Battery 4 x AA batteries (Alkaline, NiMH, or Lithium)
Weight (inc. batteries) 406 g (14.3 oz)
Dimensions 109 x 74 x 78 mm (4.3 x 2.9 x 3.1 in)
Notes
Resolution Chart
Colour Patches

Of course this isn’t a DSLR, but with the price I got it at, it’s pretty good for the quality you’d expect! I’ve already spent quite a while playing with it and this is supposed to be a “dummy camera”… because I’m no professional photographer. A couple of people I know told me to get a DSLR because it will still of course produce better quality pictures of “Auto” mode, but truly, I cannot justify getting any type of SLR camera unless I fully intend on learning how to use it properly and not simply leaving it on Auto.

I bought it with a coworker of mine because he specializes in photographic technologies, so thought he’d be an excellent person to come to the store with me to pick it out. Also, because he’s a member, I did get a discount and all 😆

The camera so far has been pretty easy to use, not “requiring” me to have to pick up the manual since the on-screen directions already provide ease-of-access. Perhaps having a bit of technology background, I can navigate through the options, understand the symbols and all that fairly easily. Nevertheless, I have lots to learn and will likely not have learned everything by the time I retire this. The reason why I got a new camera was because the one we used for 8 years is finally giving out. Even after putting completely new batteries in, after about 3-4 shots, it says “Low Battery” and shuts off. A couple of times, it was so defective that the camera didn’t even fully retract the lens in during the middle of a shutdown sequence, so now you can tell why I need a new camera. I was hoping to wait until I went to Hong Kong to get it, but wanted to have a nice camera to use before then. There’s a few big events that are coming up within the next while which would be nice to have a decent resolution camera (the old one was only 4MP) and I purposely got this one for the fact it has HD video recording capabilities (for when I want to make my own sex movies… HAHAHA.. just joking :)).

This was no “cheap” camera… it was expensive as shit and it really took me some time to think and take into consideration whether I want to fork out this kind of money. No doubt, my career does not rely on having a camera, therefore I would not buy a $30,000 camera like photographers would… I’m simply a “point-and-shoot” person and perhaps with a few expectations of features. This will really set my wallet back a bit… looks like I’ll have to eat noodles for the next few months to save up my money again 😦 Anyone spare money for the poor please? I was given the choice of BLACK or RED … and because I found the black to be more of a matte black rather than a metallic red, I chose this one. Heck, so many people have standard black cameras, I thought it’d stand out a bit with my sexy red 😀

Since I had it at work with me, I decided to take a few pictures of my office. These are not the original as obviously I’ve done some compression and down-sizing to accommodate my upload, but I was completely satisfied with the quality the shots produced compared to my old camera, haha.. for obvious reasons.

I’ve used a “medium” sized setting for the display picture and you’re welcome to click on it to get a larger resolution picture. I just didn’t want to eat up everyone’s bandwidth and make my blog a slow-loader 🙂

Yes, the darkness is real... that IS exactly the lighting that I work in...

Doesn't the flash really enhance the picture? My office actually has all the lights off!

The whiteboard serves little purpose, although I decorate it so my boss things I'm actually working =

Books, a fan, certificates, a plant, thank-you cards, meeting notes.. oh the list goes on...

Oh how could I live without multiple monitors? I don't even have my other two set up as I was rearranging my desk!

Ahh.... back into the darkness. The #2 reason why I took this new job (hence the office space) was because it came with a door... and a WINDOW - GLORY!!

Although you're probably staring at the whiteboard, it's the hook on the wall for my jacket that this picture is actually depicting 😀

A solid door, love it... no one knows I'm in and I prefer it that way! It's to keep the damn mobs on the other side.

The view outside my window... it makes a BIG difference in my day!

Now… back to playing with my camera! Hope you guys had an awesome day.

A Little is a Lot

The other day, I was musing over the stark contrast over the two sides of my family. On one side, I can return home and be treated like a king. I can have my slippers at my bedside, breakfast brought to me, someone to wash my face when I get up, not wash my own clothing, can order foot anytime I want and even if I really wanted to have my ass wiped for me after taking a crap. However, looking on the other side of my family, it is a major contrast… where my aunt at is working for just enough money for flat-rental and enough to cover for food. At the end of the month, savings = $0 unless it is a lucky month or they picked up some weekly sales. Their lifestyle is unhealthy, often eating fast-foods because it is cheap and easy. I saw my aunt last year when I went to visit her and boy did she ever gain weight. After my grandmother passed away a few years, there were no longer good healthy meals or broth to drink. Almost everyone in that household gained weight from poor eating habits and stress. One side is living in subsidized government housing and the other half is living in multi-…. well nevermind, you get the idea.

A few months ago, we were told my Grandfather (maternal) had been diagnosed with intestinal cancer and some other small illnesses. Given that he will be turning 90 this year, he honestly couldn’t care less and didn’t worry too much about it. He felt he lived his life, but of course my aunts would want to seek medical assistance for him. After several months of tests, surgeries, and days in the hospital, I am happy to say he’s about to return home healthy! However, because private hospitals were the only chance of him surviving, it also meant my aunt had to pay for all the medical expenses. Given my aunt normally makes just enough to cover for rental and food, she had to do major modification to finances just to make ends meet. I thought to myself the other day how brave and selfless she is and it moved me. Of course not only that, but also since he is my grandfather, the little bit I could do for him (since they’re 13,000 km’s away) is to provide some financial assistance. The money was to be sent in the form of an encouragement for him to stay strong and healthy and to give him food to buy some good food/herbs to strengthen his body and whatever left to be a “treat” to spend on whatever he likes. I sent him a few thousand dollars which to me, I could say is a lot or a little. To my dad’s side however, the minuscule amount of money I sent would be a joke, however, my mom called my aunt the other day and she was so thankful as she’d now be able to cover the hospital fees for quite a while (backdated).

I started thinking how “little” something could be to someone but “how much” something could be to another. I am not very rich myself (family is another thing) and all the money I could shell out was sent, what I hardly considered a fortune, but them, it was like I just sent them a winning lottery ticket. What I can say though is the amount of happiness I felt when she sent her words of gratitude just took my breath away. Although I recognize that sending money is not really the best way to show care for my grandfather, it is all I can do for now until I return to Hong Kong later this year. I also told me mom that we’d hold a “big 90th birthday” celebration for him – because surely, it is not everyday that families are able to celebrate a 90th birthday together. To think of how little my mom’s side can live on while looking at the way my dad’s side spends money and the wealth we’re submerged in really makes makes my head spin! I think about some of the meals we eat and realize the money we spent could likely be an entire family’s monthly meal on my mom’s side. Oh, how life is unfair sometimes.

Today I was called on an emergency by one of my uncles to help one of his nieces. We’re “relatives” so technically, the girl I was helping isn’t really a cousin – but certainly, in Chinese culture I would definitely consider her “one of my own” – especially because we did spend time together as kids when they lived in Canada. Nevertheless, I felt very happy today because of the gratitude she showed. She insisted on paying me for my services to help her fix her computer (well and I had to travel about 100 km’s) but she did treat me to lunch. I should mention it isn’t one of those “cheapie” Japanese restaurants, it was a nice upscale REAL Japanese restaurant… not all-you-can-eat, but the ones that cost an arm and a leg for each item, lol. Whenever I eat out with people, I still look for the “worth” of an item and do not order frivolously just because I’m not paying. She found it awkward I ate only a sashimi bento. Nevertheless, the sashimi was amazing and seriously, I think I’m addicted to it, hahaha.  But anyways,back to the point was that coming from a rich family, she ordered food likes nuts (even though she couldn’t finish it) and chose an expensive place to eat, where as I, would’ve chosen a more modest place!

I think today, we were both very happy. She showed so much gratitude and appreciation and kept on thanking me throughout the day for helping her with her computer problems. Although it was a pretty expensive drive to her place and effectively killed the time I had off today, I felt a huge sense of accomplishment. Although I am not a doctor keeping people alive everyday or in a very prestigious job, I feel overly excited when people take the time to show genuine appreciation. I am turning older in a few days and that’s gotten me very down… but the past few days of doing “good deeds” have really lifted up my spirits. I truly want to believe that building good karma will help me along life, staying happy, mentally healthy and help develop my love-life. Does being a good person really result in good fortunes happening? Well, we’ll find out to see if I can really move the girl of my dreams one day… someday soon hopefully!

Good night everyone, hope today was as good for everyone as it was for me! Better yet, I have tomorrow off, so time to sleep in!

Life is Full of Coincidences

This is a really short post… I just had to post this because I totally LOL’ed @ it!

Check out this entry posted by on a blog I just happened to stumble upon. I’m not going to re-post it since I don’t have permission to, so I’ll simply link everyone to it! I was about to close WP, but when I caught the preview of it, I couldn’t help but wander in and come out laughing my ass off. What made this extra funny is the fact that today one of my coworkers asked me if I ever tried a prostitute before because “they are awesome” and I replied, “No – I can’t have sex with a girl I don’t love.” and then I went on to telling him about the street where I live in Hong Kong because it is FILLED with hookers/escorts at night “looking for business.” Talk about coincidence that I had a conversation with him about it this afternoon and read this before going to sleep! I’m probably going to laugh my way to ZzzZZ tonight, haha.

Hope you all enjoy!

How Does One Define WEALTHY?

A few weeks ago, an impromptu conversation with a few of my workers really got me thinking about the idea of “wealth” and how a person defines whether an individual is wealthy or not. I think in a general sense, most of us would instinctively define wealth by the amount of money that a person has. I’m not going to get all philosophical or spiritual and all and start defining wealth by non-materialistic means and for the time being, let us concentrate simply on a numeric and monetary value.

Having grown up in a tradition Chinese setting, the use of money has always been very conservative. From day one when I began handling money, I was taught to save-save-save, something that (out of the words of my coworker), that North Americans tend not to do… they spend whatever happens to be in their hands. Looking at people I know, I can definitely say that it goes without saying that there certainly is truth… most of my friends/colleagues who are your general “white Canadian” families tend not to keep money “lying around”. Although I come from a wealthy family, my immediate family (mom/dad) did not arrive in Canada with that wealth. The money that they came to Canada with went to pay for their rent and they had to actually save up over a course of a year before being able to pay back the money for the flight over.

Let’s skip too much detail and jump to ‘now’. Growing up for me was definitely a very “make do with what we have” lifestyle. I can honestly say my parents were the type to give up everything just for me. I was always able to attend school events (in fact, they urged me to) albeit our financial situation. While we were never “poor” – we were certainly not rich either. What prompted the discussion between my coworkers and I was the fact I always mention the word “poor” when I describe myself and they like to make a note that poor should not be the world I use to describe myself because I really “don’t know what the word POOR means.”

This leads me on to the topic of how people perceive the difference between degrees of wealth. Suffice to say, I don’t think anyone in this world has the same definition or “amount” they would label between everything from poor to filthy rich. For instance, I consider myself poor, much to the chastise of my coworkers because I do not feel I “make enough money” and that I “don’t have enough to spend” when clearly, they feel otherwise. Personally, I feel a better has to make > $100,000 before they can consider themselves “rich” – which I currently don’t make, therefore, I class myself as being poor. Working in a unionized, government institution, all our salaries are available to the public (provincially mandated information) so essentially, all my coworkers know exactly how much I make a year. They ask me how given the amount I make, I could actually consider myself poor. After a good 2-hour talk with them, they made me truly reevaluate the money I make and why I feel poor. They started putting things into perspective for me, that the average Canadian generally do not even have enough money to maximize contributions in both TFSA (Tax-free Savings Account for the non-Canadians who don’t know) and RRSP (Registered Retirement Savings Plan) in a single year. Most people are tied up paying off mortgages, loans (student or otherwise), credit cards, bills, car financing and the likes that to be able to max-out contributions to both those accounts is impossible. Yearly, I am able to comfortably pay off all those bills/loans/owing balances while maximizing contributions to my RRSP/TFSA and invest my money into steady investments (such as GIC’s) and even have money to play the stock market. They made a point to tell me to look at my overall assets instead of simply what I keep “liquid” in my Chequings accounts. Surely, I cannot be THAT poor when I still have money to buy food, spend on entertainment (and girls? LOL… by that, I don’t mean hookers/strippers), and splurge on new technology once in a while.

While I’m generally not comfortable with sharing financial information with people, my coworker (who has been close with my family) asked bluntly how much money I had in my accounts all together. I told her and her jaw must’ve stayed opened for a good 2 minutes. I can remember her words very clearly, “You are what? How old? 24? You OWN a house, drive a luxury vehicle, have no debt, maximize yearly contributions, invest into stocks, live comfortably, and have xxx amount of money in your accounts and you call yourself POOR?!!” – that really smacked me in the face.. not as in negatively – but it really set things into perspective with how wealthy in comparison I am to many. Over the past few weeks, I really took some time to think about all that I really do have and that has changed on what I felt is considered “wealthy.”

Of course I am far from being wealthy in comparison to the rest of my family who own billion-dollar computer corporations, chairman of an international organization and CEO of 5-star hotels – but I have a very SOLID footing for someone of my age. I know that at any time, I could be a part of the massive wealth should I return to Hong Kong, but knowing that I will lose my very comfortable lifestyle in Canada… my steady job, my own business, my (lots) of leisure time and standard working hours – which is something that does not exist when it comes to managing a large business. I for one, prefer to simply be spoiled out of my mind every time I return “home” instead, even though I do not get the same luxury here.

How do you define wealthy? What are your expectations and where do you draw the line before you title someone as wealthy? Is it simply by what they make in a year, the job they hold or the materialistic things they have to show for it?

I’ll tell you, my opinion of my status before talking to my coworkers have really turned around…. and that’s why it is always nice to have older and wiser friends who can really set things straight in your mind, because in all reality, I’m just a little boy in a big guy’s body 😛

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