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Good Person Gone Bad – Karma Fails

Intriguing title, no?

On Friday, it was just an ordinary work-day, did a bit here and there, diddly-dallied with some coworkers and then had lunch with one of our temporary employees who was working his last day to return to school. It’s sad to see him go, but hopefully his next work placement, he will be back. Other than his thick Chinese accent when speaking English, he’s a very hard worker and a smart one. My dad and I were the first two Chinese people ever hired within our department. I remember my boss jokingly told me one time that, “If we hired 5 Chinese people, they could replace the entire department at the rate you guys work at!” and I laughed. I used to be just like that, at work early, work hard throughout the entire day and work later than everyone else.

Perhaps a cultural thing, but over 4-5 months of working there, I already adopted the same laziness as everyone else. Everyone thinks this is some conspiracy (jokingly) that they’re beginning to hire more Chinese people because we tend to put in the “extra effort” to get the job done and even the work-term student we got is Chinese. It’s not to say there aren’t people of different background and cultures who work equally, if not more, hard – but the reality is you will find that the general consensus is that we’re so used to pushing ourselves “back at home” that here in Canada, it is actually “above and beyond” what is expected.

Anyways, yes, so we went to eat Japanese Buffet (Sushi) and this is already the second time in the same week. I really didn’t want to because you know, you tend to try to get your monies worth at a buffet, so essentially you’re walking a path of unhealthiness. Suffice to say, we had a great time and the department is back to one Asian person – me 😆 Although I didn’t work directly with him or even talk to him a lot, it feels lonely when you’re the only person “of another culture” at work. You could say I work in a very white-oriented organization.

OK, so enough of that… let’s rewind to Thursday because I have no idea why I jumped ahead. I have a very disorganized brain. Thursday was a severely fucked up day. A few weeks ago I had asked my cousin whether she wanted me to pick up her from the airport and drop her off at her place in Toronto. I miss my cousin because we don’t see each other a lot, even if we’re only a mere 70km away from each other and if you’re not an Ontarian, you need to know 70km is not considered “far”. I thought if I picked her up at the airport, it’d be a nice way to spend a bit of time together before (her) school starts again.

Unfortunately she did not confirm that she wanted to have me pick her up and just the previous night before her return, she told me that she needed a ride. Ack, because on the same evening, I had committed myself to going to a friend’s birthday dinner. The good thing is that it was a guy’s birthday dinner, so it was easier for me to tell him I had to leave after an hour. It was great because we went to the same place I mentioned above, for Japanese food,  but dinner menu also offers my favourite, SASHIMI!! I only had an hour to stuff myself and it’s pretty painful to do that, but I also needed to get out to the airport. It takes an hour for me to get there and as luck would have it, there was a bit of heavy rainfall that slow traffic down a bit. However, I did get there on time and picked her up.

We had a nice chat on the ride back to her place in Toronto downtown. I hate driving in downtown because you have to contend with so much shit. Pedestrians, motorists nor bikers follow the laws of the road, they simply do as they see fit. I love Canada for all the amenities we have and that we protect human rights, but sometimes it’s just too much. I wish we’d adopt a bit of China’s rules when it comes to traffic. For instance, if you step out on the street when you’re not supposed to and someone hits you, you deserve it. The person who hit you should not have to pay you insurance because you violated the law and if you lost a leg – TOO FUCKING BAD. In China, if you get hit while crossing illegally, it’s your own damn fault. We give way too much credit to human rights here that people begin to abuse it. Back on track – so yes, I dislike driving in Toronto downtown because people are not careful and respectful of others needs. However, sometimes driving there is unavoidable. About 9ish, I arrived at my cousins place with her. All I have to say is her place is damn spiffy and times like these, I wish I were born into a rich family. 2 months of rent for her is about a year’s worth of property tax for me. I parked the car at her place because she had a parking spot. We walked over to a quaint little diner across the street and she got a waffle and I had a ice cream float. At first I thought the prices were a bit steep but once I saw the portion-size, my eyes exploded. Still being extremely full from eating a buffet dinner, obviously I could not even put anymore food in my body.

We departed and I began to drive home and here’s where the fucked up part begins. As I’m headed towards the highway exit, the left rear-side of my car gets hit by a fucking bus because the asshole probably didn’t bother checking his blind-spot on a lane change. As we weren’t moving very fast (luckily), the damage was minimal. I think he was very afraid because he pulled back in his lane and waited for me to flag him down to the side to exchange insurance information. I looked at my side mirror to check for visible damage – nothing. I looked in my rear mirror to check for trunk damage – nothing. I know the impact wasn’t very great because I’ve been rear-ended before and it was very similar, just a “tap” and probably traded a bit of paint.

Having something like that happened pissed me off because as I said, I hate driving in Toronto. When you’re a bus driver, you have more than just the life of yourself in your hands – ALL the passenger on it lie in your driving skills and how can you ignore something as basic as checking your blind spot. I thought about stopping since you’re supposed to, but I couldn’t be assed for several reasons. One was because the damage wasn’t severe and two was because I just turned 25 and my insurance went down, the last thing I want to do is to claim $50 of damage and have my premiums go up by a thousand. Screw it I thought – he’s probably shitting himself already and that’s enough vengeance as it stands. Had I not recently had an insurance premium drop as a result of my age, you sure as hell would expect me to make him stop and exchange information! Times like these I also wish we had a bit of United States within us where citizens could carry guns legally. I’d probably get out of my car and shot that bus or put a bullet through the drivers head for such blatant disregard of shitty lane-changing. Toronto downtown streets are tight and people just care about themselves and thus I avoid driving there. I didn’t bother stopping only because it was for the sake of myself – so this guy/girl should really consider him/herself REALLY REALLY lucky. Of course I know by law you should stop either way, but oh well. By the time I got home and got out of the car, it was only a long white streak and some cosmetic damage to the rear bumper.

Rather than telling my mom a bus hit me, I just told her someone bumped into my car in the parking lot at work. It was for the best and although I hate lying to my own mother, she’d be very worried if she found out I was in an accident. Also, people were already asking why my cousin didn’t just take the bus/taxi home instead of having me drive from one city to another to get her and drop her off and then having to go back home. Even my aunt who happened to talk to my mom on the phone in the evening when I was out asked the same question. I suppose you can say I spoil my cousin. A bit of the reason is because when I was younger, I had a massive crush on her, so I cannot deny that I might “do a bit more for her” as opposed to someone else. I’m a guy and I’m a sucker for girls – what can I say? LOL. Suffice to say, if I told my mom I got into an accident in Toronto as a result of going out unnecessarily, she’d probably freak and say, “I told you so!” Why bother? The most freaky thought was that even though this was already a very LUCKY incident that it was not anything huge… I thought to myself that bebe never even let me see her before she went back to Malaysia had that accident been something big and the bus crushed me to death or something. You may think I’m exaggerating, but anyone who’s been in a car accident knows it’s no laughing matter and that anything can happen. I hope when she comes back, she’ll start appreciating how short life is and start to take advantage of it. Things change fast in life, people come and people go – we should be making the best of it and to be a part of each other.

Anyways, you may think at this point what relevance my title has to do with this. The point is that almost daily, my mentality that being a good person has no reward is being proven. I’m not going to say I was some kind of “hero” by helping my cousin get home, even if it was out-of-the-way. I’m not saying I need to have a medal given to me for it, but I do believe it was a generous thing to do. However, getting hit by a bus, on the way home after doing something “good” just makes me fume. It’s not her fault she asked me to pick her up that this happened – it’s the idiot drivers fault. Yet I think to myself, how retarded it is for one to believe that doing good things lead to good fortune. I suppose if doing something good ends up causing my car to get hit by a bus, then perhaps shooting someone in the head will result in me winning the lottery. Am I too much of a nice guy? Does bebe not feel strongly for me as I do for her because I’m too nice? Do girls really like “the bad boys?” I’m nice to her because I love her and I think that’s a very normal thing. Just like I care about my cousin, I’m willing to do something out-of-the-way for her. However, I’m proven time and time again in life that not ONLY does doing good things not result in good karma happening, it results in even WORSE things happening.

To sum it up, here’s a lesson of life:

Do good things ≠ Good things happening to you
Do bad things ≠ Bad things happening to you

Do good things = More likely bad things happening to you
Do bad things = More likely good things happening to you

2 weeks already that bebe’s been in Malaysia… hasn’t bothered saying a word to me and telling me how she’s doing. I’m not only getting frustrated now, I’m getting annoyed. Are these actions even defensible? Can one truly justify treating someone like shit? I can understand a person wanting to hurt another if you’ve done something bad for them – but to do something like that to someone who has shown so much love and affection? I cannot understand, perhaps my brain is too small or I think life is too simple. I’m not asking her to immediately love me back because that will take time – I’m asking to be treated like a self-dignified human being.

You would think that her being so far would make me lose feelings for her, but it hasn’t. My feelings for her are still indescribably strong. I still have passionate dreams about her and it’s hard for me to find perfection in other girls, other than her. I think about her and worry for her. What is she doing? Who is she with? Is she in a safe environment? Is she in good company? Is she healthy and well? Is she happy and relaxed?  – I continue to wish for her well-being because she’s a very important person to me. Her brother will be starting university soon – I am excited and proud of him – just as if he was my own brother. I hope I get to call him brother-in-law one day! I miss bebe and I want to hold her tight right now. Love is supposed to be a strong, wonderful and positively-live changing feeling. Why is it at times that my love for bebe is bringing the worst out in me, frustrating, anger and vengeance, instead of tender, loving care? What kind of person have I become – why is this monster within me coming out? I need to harness my affection of her to feel more positive and vibrant!

The easiest way I can see her now and give her a sweet kiss is in my dreams… and given it is 11:05PM – I may as well go do that right now! ♥

Judging Someone Hastily May Be Costly To Yourself

Hrm… something happened to me the other day that made me ponder how judging someone hastily may end up costing yourself! Suffice to say, we all judge people immediately from the first time we see them to the last time we see them – but some judgments are more educated than others. On Tuesday, I had a day off and decided with nothing better to do, I joined my aunt, uncle and mom to lunch which they originally had planned. Since it was not a “formal gathering” I decided to dress simple (especially on a day-off where I don’t have to wear “work clothes”), a t-shirt and jeans. This is definitely a rare treat for me to be able to dress-down since other times I’m either in dress pants/dress shirt or at the very least, business-casual collared shirt w/ slacks or khakis. To be honest, I think in a way, I’ve grown out of dressing down, even by choice. Perhaps to me, I want to ensure I maintain a professional-look even on my “off days” because you never know who you may bump into, whether an existing or potential client.

Nevertheless, we had a lunch at a nearby family dining restaurant, one of our favourites because they have 5.49 lunch specials (Includes coleslaw, choice of potatoes and an entree)! We’re also regulars there, so we also get our VIP card “stamped” for a free meal on the 5th visit and as well we have a $5 off coupon on each of our visits (with minimum restrictions of course). After the meal, we decided we didn’t want to head home since I had a day off and our aunt/uncle had came all the way in from Mississauga, so we wanted to go wander around a nearby mall.

My mom enjoys walking at this mall every day because it is close-to-home and to her, all it matters is that it’s an “indoor mall” because she does it for her morning exercises and a place to have a muffin and coffee. We passed by one of her favourite jewelry stores. Recently, my side job has been providing me with some extra income so I thought I’d spoil my mom with something nice. We usually aren’t very picky with our salesperson, but out of all the ones available (about 5-6 on the front counter), we only knew 1 of them. I would hardly say we’re “regulars” but my mom goes into the mall a lot and is recognized by many of the employees there.

As I walked in, I noticed several salespeople who looked up and simply put their heads back down. It was very unusual because of the many times I’ve walked into this establishment, I’ve always been greeted and asked if I needed assistance. The lady who we usually deal with was busy with another customer and it isn’t like we “had” to talk to her, so any other person would’ve done. At that point, we didn’t have a plan of buying anything, but certainly, even random people who walk in to browse usually get a lot better treatment. Maybe it was the fact I wasn’t wearing a suit or “looked rich” and therefore received no attention. The lady who we normally dealt with saw us, smiled, waved and politely gestured that she was attending to another customer.

My mom peered into the displays as usual, checking out a variety of rings, bracelets, necklaces, earrings, etc. We looked from everything from the cheapie stuff (a couple dollars) to the more expensive thousand-dollar ones. Yes, I realize there are also diamonds which exceed the $10,000 amount, but it wasn’t like we were planning on buying those. My mom and I spent about 20 minutes looking at all the displays and all the salespeople just seemed to have ignored us. Suffice to say, it wasn’t like I was dressed “off the street” like a bum, unruly, dirty and smelly – I didn’t feel like having to “dress up” just to go for lunch.

The lady who we normally dealt with finished and she approached my mom and I. She looked around and thought it was weird that none of the other salespeople asked if we needed assistance. We explained the usual pleasantries and we said we were just browsing but would let her know if we wanted to see something out of the display case. The several times I’ve been to this shop, I had been looking at getting a bracelet for my mom since I had already gotten her a necklace, ring and pair of earrings. I always ask her why she doesn’t wear them, but she says she likes to save them for occasions and also because those accessories are easier to lose. She said a bracelet might be a bit easier to match with her clothing. I noticed this one…

It’s not “the best of the best” but I have been looking at it for a while. It was rather expensive at it’s original price of $750CAD, but was on sale so I asked my mom if she wanted me to buy it for her! It’s a nice 10kt yellow gold, but unfortunately the diamond wasn’t a full carat 😦 I did spot a 1 carat diamond ring, but she said she didn’t want me to spend that kind of money.

Actually, the last time I bought my mom something, I was also eyeing something for my girlfriend and you know what’s great about her? It’s the fact she doesn’t try to “compare” herself with my mom. I told her the one I thought that would look great on her wasn’t as expensive as the one I got for my mom, but she said it’s very normal for me to prioritize my mom over her. She also mentioned she wouldn’t be jealous if I had spent more on a present for my mom rather than her. She’s understanding and holds family hierarchy and traditional values tightly and that’s amazing. It’s very rare that you hear girls being so 大方 (generous attitude towards something). Honestly, one of the greatest pains about being a son when it comes to family is the fact he always has to be stuck in a position where he has to chose girlfriend/wife or mom. Something like that is the bane of every son in this world (with a living mother). Luckily for me, I can happily know (err.. hope) they won’t get into petty squabbles, because I care about both of them in different ways. In jest though, women always “say one thing and think another” so although she says she wouldn’t be jealous, I have a feeling if something like that happens in the future, I’m sure that night I’ll be sleeping on the couch 😆 HAHAHA.

Ah shit, back to the story. So trying to get service was pretty hard and you know, I’m used to walking into a store and being asked if I needed help. This has nothing to do with me being “high up” – it’s just that I dislike bothering people if they are engaged in other matters. I will usually wait for a salesperson who is free before I ask them something, whether it is in a jewelry store or the supermarket. The lady who went usually dealt with noticed that my mom and I were discussing whether we wanted it (in Chinese) and she came over asking us if we wanted to see something. My mom tried it on and she liked it, so we proceeded with the purchase. As the lady took it to the counter to perform the transaction and wrapped it up, all the other salespeople suddenly flocked over and asked us if there was more we needed assistance. Funny that just moments ago, they didn’t even bother to lift their heads and acknowledge our presence until we actually bought something. We received the bag and we happily left the store.

It’s interesting how we as humans often perceive people based on outward appearances. I will not say I’m one of the guys with impeccable tidiness or dress-for-success (when I go out casually), but I’m certainly presentable and clothed. I dress for the ocassion and I dislike it when people make the assumption of whether I look “fit to purchase something.” I suppose all the other salespeople didn’t bother serving us because I looked poor (not that I’m claiming to be rich either though) or even if I did buy something, it would be something cheap where it wouldn’t be worth their effort to serve us. In the end, we bought something that could easily equate to commission worth a full days of work or at the very least, half a days pay for your average household (in a matter of 30 minute serving us). I understand when it comes to serving customers, there are no guarantees they will buy something and many “experienced salespeople” will say they can spot those who are truly interested in browsing or ones who are actually buying. Maybe these people just weren’t experienced enough to spot us or perhaps a misjudgment on their part, but it was a foolish act because any other one of those salespeople could’ve been the one to win this transaction had they taken the time to even reach out their hands in assistance.

I learned this lesson at a young age, that it is a grave mistake to judge people too hastily. I remember when I went to meet one of my dad’s friend (we respectfully call our elder male friends “uncle” in Chinese relations) at a high-class hotel for lunch. We did not pick the place (since we’re not of that wealth-level) and I thought it was very awkward that when uncle arrived, he was dressed in some shaggy shorts, had sandals on and looked like he just got out of bed. I quietly whispered into my dad’s ear whether that is “actually the person we’re meeting” and sure enough, it was. It turns out this uncle owns about 3 buildings in Hong Kong and is a major shareholder across many 5-star HK hotels. What I also didn’t see was that he arrived in a personal limo, the CEO of the hotel came down to greet him and call him by name when he arrived and that all the workers bowed their heads and called him Mr. ____ as he walked by – all this, I did not see and could not fathom for a man who could easily pass as a guy who picked up cans off the street. From then on, it was a great lesson at a young age to not judge people by exterior means, unless you have something to back up those judgments. “Wealth” is not always something that can necessarily be seen either. As I was told by my dad later, uncle’s bank account balance more trailing 0’s (zeroes) than the number of holes I had on my belt.

The next time (especially for people involved with sales) you decide to judge someone based on exterior appearances, think again for they may have surprizes you don’t know about. Don’t overlook people until you have the facts!

Judge Judy.... tsk tsk

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