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Women That Makes You Faint… Bubzbeauty & Jayesslee

I’ve just been bored at work after the meeting today (it was an ass-long meeting, 2.5 hours), so I’ve just been chasing down some videos to watch online. I also forgot to copy my music repository from my home-computer, so I don’t have much to listen to at work except for whatever I can get off the internet, notably Youtube, since I don’t exactly want to surf to illegal sites while on-work premises.

I try to avoid Youtube because I find once I watch one thing, it leads to 50,000 others and I also don’t like to subscribe too much to stuff because then it gives me “reasons” to hop onto Youtube, making hours disappear henceforth, therefore, I will only go there when I’m referred to by someone. However, there are 3 girls (although only 2 ‘groups’) who I can’t stand not-watching their stuff and they are Bubzbeauty and Jayesslee! I tend not to like being “fans” of people/groups, because I’m just not that type of person, but these 3 girls really appeal to me because of who they are and what they do… and the difference between them other than the outer-beauty, is the inner beauty which you feel through their genuineness and strive to make EVERYONE feel good about themselves.

JS – Mariah Carey – Hero (cover)

Romantic Soft Updo

You know, there’s a lot of guys who just love a nice pair of boobs or a nice firm bum – and that’s not to say that’s not something desirable, but what kills me the most on girls is that nice, GENUINE, sweet smile! Lindi, Janice and Sonia all have that killer-smile that makes you want to faint. Even though I know none of these girls in person and can’t attest to their personality, the personality that they surface to their fans show them as being compassionate, humble and holding much inner-beauty. There’s nothing that makes a person more UGLY than a bad personality, despite some peoples outer-appearance which they may have been blessed with. These 3 girls all show to their audience that even though they are popular and pretty, they don’t flaunt it as their only defining attribute and while they share their talent of doing makeup and singing in their beautiful voices, they empower those who listen to watch a “feel-good” feeling!

These girls have done charity and have reinforced to the community a positive spirit. Bubz often does lots of work on defining what inspires her, confidence and how to make one look beautiful. Many girls probably strive to look like Bubz, not only because she is outwardly beautiful, but also because she has that inner-heart of hers that radiate from a good role-model. She encourages guys and girls to look their best and not let their physical appearance be their “failure point” and assure us that we can be a great person, with or without natural-born physical beauty.

Jayesslee blesses their world with their beautiful words and amazing voice. While the do many covers, using other peoples lyrics, they sing with passion and with the intent of bringing joy through music. Rather than money being a core concentration of their talents, they share it with the world to enjoy. While it’s no doubt all good singer(s) want to make a career and earn money from it, they truly have brought me many hours of their songs repetition which touches the heart. These two beautiful Australian twins have not only taken the world with their voices and cuteness, but also through their angelic voices which God has blessed them with to share.

Beyond it all, all 3 of these girls have very striking talents and a face/body which men and women alike admire and adore. If I were a girl, I’d certainly love to look like one of these 3 as well (or a mixture of all 3, WOW, lol). Nevertheless, the reason why I even brought this topic up was not to point out that I’m infatuated with other girls other than bebe, BUT, I was coming to the point is that there’s something that bebe has in common with 3 of these girls… is that bebe has a dead gorgeous sweet smile  (when she wants to show it that is :lol:)… when I’ve seen that genuine, yet kind-of-shy smile from bebe, I thought it was heaven-on-earth. I love how sweet-sweet my bebe looks when she smiles, especially when there’s a bit of embarrassment tinge in it!!! I can’t rave enough about how awesome she is, haha, because she’s very much like these 3 girls with their smiles, it makes you feel warm and fuzzy and because you can feel they’re deeply genuine and not just one of those girls with a “nice” but “fake” smile!

Of course I can’t put up a picture of bebe and I and how sweet she looks when she has that beautiful smile on her face, but I can leave you with a picture of Lindi, Janice and Sonia 😀 Even with all 3 girls holding so much outer-beauty, they strive to make everyone in this world feel good about themselves and use their talents genuinely towards others and not to harm/hinder them by making “lesser” people feel bad about themselves!

Yummy girls eh? My bebe is my one-and-only yummy girl in my life 😀

Thailand Ladyboy’s (Kathoey)

Before I begin into this post, I’m warning you that if you are easily distressed by transsexuals, I would not suggest you continue reading. Furthermore, I’m not an “expert” on this topic and I’m only writing about this on a what I know/perceive basis and information herein is what I’ve researched to my ability and also the opinion expressed here within are my views alone.

The reason why I would suddenly write on such an interesting topic is not because I’ve suddenly decided I’d rather become a female or have any doubts of my “masculinity” – but because I watched a video that really made me think about our definitions of gender, attraction and sexuality. I’m sure because I’ve led into this topic, the following video may not be very shocking – but let’s just sit back and imagine I hadn’t prepared you with any details about it, would you still assume the same? The video contains no nudity and is not “vulgar” in any way, unless you have a problem with guys looking like girls.

Thailand’s Got Talent 2011 Bell Nuntita (Nuntrita Khampriranon, 27)

Isn’t that crazy? I mean sure, she has some male characteristics, but by-golly, from a distance and not paying attention to detail, one would not have thought this person is/was male! Not only that but it started making my question attraction. What causes attraction? When I saw the video, I thought to myself that this girl is damn pretty. Even the 2 guys at the end of the song hugged her. So as I begin to think about my own feelings and reactions to this, I asked myself, would I hug her? Yes, I would. Deep down, I wouldn’t lie and say that I did not feel any attraction to her, because I did – even when upon closer inspection I already suspected the fact she… is/was really a he. Then it made me think, although I would not consider myself gay, homosexual or even bisexual, I still felt ATTRACTED to someone who either has or had a penis. So then the big question is, how do people attract each other? Is it based on what we see, feel or simply fooled by our own sight/expectations?

Let’s take a look at some comments found on the internet about this…

wjboo2008: Truly nothing to say, incredible, especially when he switches to his male voice, and at this point, discussing whether he is a transsexual is no longer important!

liuxiang06: This transsexual is better looking than 70% of China’s females.

挂早小鸡: I think I’ve really fallen for her….I’ve actually fallen for a transsexual… Let me think about this…

爆笑兜兜: Look at their audience, and then look at the audiences in our country. They’re so calm. As if lady boys were simple a part of [their culture], like it was no big deal at all.

This is not the first time that I’ve seen a transsexual. Although not highly-visible, there are often ladyboys in Hong Kong as well, so I’m sure I’ve seen them “in person.” Also, I’ve accidentally ran across she-male porn before, so I’ve literally seen “chicks with dicks” – and although it is not my type of thing, I definitely don’t hold anything against them. Suffice to say, I definitely “had the hots for” Bell… despite knowing that’s a HE. It made me consider what about women, that heterosexual men are attracted to… where’s that “connection” that pull people together? I think about my attraction to bebe… she’s a wonderful girl and is also “looks” like a girl… what if she suddenly told me she had a penis, how would I feel? Of course this is one of those questions that is hard to answer if it didn’t really happen – so let’s just leave that up to inquiring minds to think about. I’m attracted to bebe because she is a good person, beautiful and resembles femininity… but now when you look at ladyboys, how can you claim they don’t have that same femininity? In fact, one of the commentator said that these transsexual look better than 70% of the women (assuming these are genetically-born ones) in China. How did I, knowing that Bell Nunita is/was male, still feel that attraction to her? She is definitely pretty!

Bell Nuntita

Bell Nuntita

So under real scrutiny, I’m sure you can see some defining male features in her facial structure, but many transsexual go through surgery and hormone therapy to modify their body into a more “female form” and while some transsexual still have “obvious” male features, some have almost removed them COMPLETELY. Also, some transsexual even go through sexual reassignment surgery, so even if you were to “look down there” – you might never really know. The following video is a short documentary/interview of a ladyboy prostitute in Thailand… Again, because of the restrictions of free WordPress, I’m not allowed to post “adult” material, so the video is censored at pivotal moments (no sex involved).

So how do I feel about this? I think it’s fine, they’re carrying on with a lifestyle which they choose and feels it fits them. For instance, I choose to follow a lifestyle of where I feel passionate about feminine hygiene and menstruation and although in the view of many, it might not be “normal” or “proper” – it is who I am. Likewise, if these people feel like they’re females trapped in a male body (or vice-versa), they have all the right to “change” themselves to suit the body which matches who they are on the inside. I wouldn’t necessary say I’ve “doubted” being male before, there has been times that I thought it’d be ‘pretty cool’ to know what being female would be like. It doesn’t necessarily mean I have any desire to cross-dress or go MtF, but it does mean I have a desire to ‘know’ that being female is all about – perhaps a magical “live in a girl’s body for a day” scenario. I have to admit, I’ve seen many pictures of transsexuals before, and many are extremely pretty, even beyond what a genetically-born woman would be like and have “perfect” genitalia (since they’re fabricated). Do I think ladyboys can be hot? Ya sure, LOL.

The hormonal therapy is really where the kicker is at, because that changes much of their body structure and facial features. It’s amazing what hormones can do to the body with little effort. Even after a month of regular hormonal treatment can easily change the appearance of males<->females. I’m a big believer of living a lifestyle which best suits you, whether this is by gender, interests or career. If a person feels they are female, then they are. If a person feels they are male, then they are. Many countries have uni-sex toilets and in the “Great North America” we seem to have issues with this as many places you go, you will find washrooms labeled distinctly for ‘men’ or ‘women’. There are some places that have “family” washrooms and VERY FEW that have an “any” washroom to cater to those who do not feel associated with a certain defined gender or whatever. Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t have a problem going to the washroom with mixed genders. The first time I ever went into a true unisex toilet (by that, I meant it wasn’t a “single” bathroom used by men/women.. men and women were in there CONCURRENTLY) was at a University here in Ontario. I thought it was interesting how males and females just wandered in the washroom and really didn’t pay attention to those around them.

Nong Poy - Don't see a penis, looks like a vagina to me!

Nong Poy - Don't see a penis, looks like a vagina to me!

The more we emphasize the need to “differentiate” – the more we feel embarrassment and shyness. It wasn’t only a matter of going to the washroom, but their entire “washroom-related” things were all done co-ed, including showering. I decided since I was there to see it, I mind as well experience it. I threw a towel on and went into the showers and next to me as this blond girl who I could only see “from the head up.” As we showered, she could tell I was ‘an amateur’ and began to talk-me-up to break the silence and awkwardness. I’m sure my eyes clearly avoided any type of contact with her as to “not stare” but to everyone else, carrying out conversations with the opposite gender, with a mere wall separating each other was hardly an issue. As I relaxed the conversation flowed easily and she soon decided her shower was done. We said our goodbyes and as I breathed a sigh-of-relief not having to gaze elsewhere, she tiptoed back and asked me for my name as she said she didn’t recognize me. I told her my name, mentioned that I was only staying as a guest and that she probably wouldn’t see me again. At that point, I also noticed she was not covered in a towel and was fully nude in front of my stall with her boobs just there. Now I think back, I don’t even know if I had an erection or not, LOL.

Anyways, Kathoey’s can vary in degree of femininity, whether it is simply dressing as one (cross-dressing), speaking like one or even go the whole-nine-yards making physical changes, breast implants, hormone replacement, butt augmentation and getting rid of a very male-feature, the adam’s apple. Because of my interests in periods, I’ve also stumbled upon many cross-dressing, sissy, transgendered lifestyle based sites. I have definitely done some reading around and just to learn, while I do not have the seem yearning for femininity for myself, I can definitely appreciate what they go through, sometimes involving physical pain, mental anguish and pressure from society. I’ll have to say, some of the voice-changes that can happen is just amazing.

It would appear that ladyboys in Thailand culture is very open compared to most places. Judging from the reactions of the audience, when Bell was discovered as a transsexual during the voice/song switch, people didn’t seem to bat an eye. Both the guys and the girls erupted in applause and even the guys (knowing that Bell is/was a ‘he’) still seemed to really have the hots for her. Although I’ve never been to Thailand, I’ve already heard many stories of the ladyboys there and how prominent they are. I’ve also been warned about being very careful there, because you don’t know whether you’re pushing your dick into a “real” or “fake” vagina 😆 I don’t have the exact comment, but one of the comments posted up on a forum (regarding Bell Nuntita as a transexual) said something along the liens of, “If you’re going to have sex with an ugly girl, mind as well have sex with a ladyboy!” and also I found this funny but true quote…:

Bo Wang: I’d totally hit that.

Elijah: Yeah man, same here.

I mean really, if you’re going anal with a lady or lady boy what’s the difference?

I’d tap that ass (with a condom of course).

You know you would too…

So although one would think that being a straight male, we’d automatically be repulsed by the thought of having sex with a ladyboy, the idea may not be all that far-fetched. So there you have it, a bit of understanding into the ladyboy culture (a very SMALL understanding at that) and also that this is quite “common in Thailand. I would not say that they’re treated “equals” to non-transsexual counterparts, but what I can say for sure is that they get much better treatment within their Thailand society than in other places in the world, especially places like Canada and the U.S. The things I even see happen here locally and the segregation and mockery that happens to those of the LGBTQ individuals makes me shake my head. I’m sure many of you might wonder why I don’t fall into that community despite my interests in femininity, feminine hygiene and such, but I like all that stuff because I’m a heterosexual male who LOVES the female body 😛 not so much that I “want to be one” 😀

My Uphill Battle with Learning Chinese-Mandarin

For those who keep up with my blog, I’m sure you’ve seen many references to me learning Mandarin, or Putonghua for those who prefer it being referred to as that. A little background on my “language” abilities. I have grown up in a household of speaking Cantonese, with only English “taught” to me at home, but it was expected I speak Cantonese at home. I remember when I went through that phase of ‘just’ wanting to speak English, my parents told me clearly that if I’m unable to ask for something in Cantonese, it was not happening – this included if I asked for something to eat. I’m sure in today’s standard, that would be considered child-abuse, but my parents idea was if you can’t ask for it in Cantonese, you aren’t getting it! I’m quite glad I was forced to learn Cantonese because it is so damn useful knowing a different language, especially your ‘own’ language.

I was enrolled in “Chinese school” (you’ll understand why I quote that later) for about 6 years. I met a lot of friends there and we were all native Chinese, with those varying from general communication vocabulary to those who could barely say ‘good morning’ to their parents in the morning. Nevertheless, through those 6 years, I cannot say I learn a great deal. Most of my learning just simply came from using it at home and watching Chinese movies. Although in class we were taught to read, write, speak and understand Chinese (Cantonese dialect), during recess or anytime the students communicated with each other, it was all in English. The class was much more of a place for you to “drop off your kids for a few hours” rather than true, hardcore learning. Then again, these classes combined kids from 5 to 15, making an “appropriate teaching level” incredibly hard, especially when you have those who were much more fluent such as I compared to those of my friends who could barely say their own names in Cantonese. I remember I used to loathe my parents for forcing me to learn a language that I would ‘not be practical’ – but let’s face it.. look around the world, Chinese (particularly Mandarin) is working its way up to being one of world’s “international business language.” I’ve seen many Caucasian people taking up an interest in learning Mandarin, mostly because it can move them quickly up the ladder and especially if you plan on doing business with China. Although when I return to Hong Kong I have problems navigating or ordering at places that have menus strictly in Chinese, at the very least I can speak and listen well enough to hold my own.

So before I started learning Mandarin, I had an excellent grasp of spoken/listening to Cantonese, very minor written/reading comprehension of Chinese characters and almost completely fluent in written/reading/spoken/listening of English. Although I had always known that knowing more languages never hurts, languages are not a particularly easy thing to learn… or at least not for me. Also, females seem to be a lot more adept at picking up languages than guys due to biological factors. I remember that I was one of the top 3 students in my grade during high school in French. My French teacher had highly encouraged me to continuing my pursuit of French due to “natural ability” for it. The truth is I didn’t have any natural ability in French, I simply studied very hard for my class, with many hours dedicated when I got home to learning enough to do well on my tests. In the end, I stopped taking French after my mandatory credit year because I just didn’t feel like it was useful in my future career field (in computers). Secondly, learning French was very hard for me, so as much as my teacher thought I had a knack for it, I really didn’t.

The reason I never took up Mandarin before was because I saw it as a language of little use to me. To me, speaking Cantonese was already enough, along with the most useful language in Canada, English. My cousin had always said I should definitely pick up Mandarin so I can hit on all those cute Taiwanese chicks. I’ve never found a Taiwanese girl I’ve really been interested in, so I never felt that desire to learn it. Furthermore, I have this unfortunate (and I’m not claiming it to be correct) equation of Mandarin and China-Mainlander girls who I did not have the most positive feelings about. Over time as I was deciding to pick up Mandarin so that communication would be easier between bebe and I and furthermore, hoping to bridge that gap of communication between her family and friends with me, it took a lot of effort for me to bring myself to learning a language which I have no grasp of at all. You may think, “Hey, you know Cantonese… so therefore, Mandarin must be very easy for you!” – this is not the case as much as you may think.

Cantonese, Mandarin and the many dialects spoken within China all share a common base, it is the written form of Chinese characters. Before my mom’s Mandarin was more fluent, she volunteered at an organization where there was a Mandarin-speaking lady. Although a lot of the communication were in English, when they could not convey what they wanted to, they wrote it out in Chinese. For me, it is harder for me to build the connection between Cantonese and Mandarin spoken forms is because I have a very minor understanding of written Chinese. It’s easy for my mom because she can put 1 and 1 together… “So this characters sounds like X in Cantonese and sounds like Y in Mandarin based on what I read.” and since I cannot read it very well, I can’t equate X with Y. As you can see, this makes learning Mandarin for me a very uphill battle.

Why did I start learning Mandarin? I began to learn it when I returned from Hong Kong this year. Bebe had expressed to me that she sometimes finds it uncomfortable that I am not able to understand her in her language. Suffice to say, although we share two common languages, Cantonese and English, I can understand her want of me to learn her language. Even I think it would make hanging out with her friends and spending time with her family much more convenient. As you may have read, I had a dislike of learning Mandarin, but sure enough, I feel that I can put forth much effort in learning this language to make future communication a lot easier. Learning languages when you’re older is not like learning it when you’re young. My brain is much slower to absorb and it takes actual effort. When I was young, I barely recall how I truly “learned” languages other than listening to people use it and it’d naturally kick-in. As I got older, this is no longer the case. Although I listen to a lot of people speak Mandarin around me, prior to me starting my lessons, it was just a bunch of words that floated in one ear and out the other.

Switching from Cantonese and learning Mandarin is quite hard because Mandarin is the “original” and “proper” way of the Chinese language. Speaking Mandarin follows the strict written form of Chinese, unlike Cantonese where we have lots of words that don’t even exist in the written form or even within the actual Chinese dictionary. In fact, a lot of my Mandarin-speaking friends have problems picking up Cantonese because we like to use “non-existent” words. Bebe has amazingly mastered Cantonese, probably from watching all those TVB dramas. My realization and pain was having to relearn many of the vocabulary I use. Something as simple as saying “house” 屋企 does not actually exist within the realm of Mandarin and written Chinese. Although those who speak Cantonese and Mandarin might be able to understand that if you were to use those characters together in Mandarin, it is definitely not the PROPER way of saying it. 房子 is the proper written and Mandarin spoken form of house. There is much slang used in Cantonese, so it has taken me a lot of reworking of my brain to deal with the “formalized” Chinese. Mandarin is easy if you have grown up properly learning written Chinese as written Chinese follows-suit with spoken Mandarin. Cantonese not only has a lot of slang, but literally, a bastardized version of Mandarin and Chinese. Mandarin is a very formal and cultivated (斯文) language and I never realized this until I began learning it. Before I started learning Mandarin, I also found it to be a very annoying language, because I suppose it sounded like screeching to me. I ended up relating that to the fact that the people I hear speaking Mandarin aren’t the more “elegant” types. Listening to a very gentle, Mandarin-speaking girls or even  Taiwanese ones (although Taiwanese people have their own language-set, they share a lot of the wording with traditional Mandarin) is actually very sexy. Mandarin really is beautiful when it comes out from the right mouth… haha, especially bebe’s!

People have always complained that I speak English way too fast – most notably when I’m presenting. Teachers always used to say that I got too nervous when presenting and I’d begin to speak really fast, but then I explained to them that it is due to habit of speaking Cantonese. Chinese languages in generally are extremely fast and pronunciations can be VERY easy to miss. I never noticed I spoke very quickly in Cantonese though, but now when I listen to bebe talk on the phone with her friends, I realized that Mandarin is also a very fast-paced language… that is bad, from a learning perspective, lol. When I listen to people speak Mandarin slowly, I have time to notice the tones and decode the word. When they speak fast, I’m trying to absorb so much I only catch bits and pieces of it. Of course I need to adapt to listening to it and decoding it fast enough, but that will come with time and exposure. I always hoped that when we go out, bebe can use some easy communication with me in Mandarin, but I try to avoid it with her mainly because I don’t think she has the patience to teach me her language and all that would do is get her frustrated and then become even more negative. I’m not saying I could even hold up a complex conversation as well as I can in English or Cantonese, but that is a START.

Rosetta Stone - Mandarin

Rosetta Stone - Mandarin

I started using a program called Rosetta Stone. I did a lot of research into this program before getting it because it is a lot of money. It’s about $500 for the entire Mandarin Chinese box set. Yes, I am nuts, all that damn money right? Well, it’s for bebe and there’s almost nothing that I wouldn’t do for her to help our relationship. One could argue learning a new language is only for my own gain, but the reality is why ELSE would I need to learn this language otherwise? Everywhere I need to go I can get away with just English and if necessary, Cantonese. This program is incredibly long and built with much complexity – not complexity for the student, but the way they make it WORK. I’m absolutely amazed by how much I have learned. Even my mom, as rare as it may be, expressed how proud she is that I can pick up the language so quickly. Now, I’m not saying I’m a professional Mandarin speaker now, but compared to how crappy my Mandarin was before (or try, not even knowing any, lol) – it is a huge JUMP over a matter of 2 months. For the first few sections, I did relatively fast, however, I am beginning to slow down. This is not because I’m losing the drive to learn, but because the chapters are beginning to become harder, making fast chapter advancements much slower. I’d much rather take the time to perfect it and truly understand it, rather than trying to jump ahead for the sake of “getting further.”

What makes this program so amazing when there are so many language-learning programs out there right? Well, I’ve experienced it first hand myself, WOW! They use a method called “Dynamic Immersion” and while there are times when it simply tries to drill things in your head over and over again, you don’t feel it much – unlike at school. Honestly, there were times I quit a chapter and said to myself, “Damn, there’s no way I can even remember this” and then I walk away. When I think of it a day later, all of a sudden I realized I could remember it… in fact, almost crystal-clear. It makes me amazed at how well they’re able to make things stick in your head. I didn’t even know I learned that stuff when I actually DID! One of the biggest things about learning a new language is finding someone to speak it with you. Luckily, I have many friends who are native-Mandarin speakers, who help me along my way. However, I still find it tough to bring myself to have conversations with them. On the other hand, when I go out to places like T&T or even at the Chinese food place in the mall, I dare to speak it with them – however little I can do. I know that unlike a fluent-speaker, I spit out word-by-word rather than “smoothly” – but at least I should get credit for ATTEMPTING it rather bravely. The reality is that when I speak to these people, they may be laughing inside at my horrible attempt to ‘speak their language’ – but I may never see them again, so it’s easier to get over my follies. On the other hand, speaking to someone I know always seems rather embarrassing when I can’t get the right words out. I wish I was more like my dad because he told me when he came to Canada, his English still wasn’t “all the way there” and he’d often carry a dictionary around as he conversed and eventually, built up his language skills enough to be fluent. Nevertheless, he always said to me, “Sure, I’m sure those people laughed at me when I tried to speak English, but I don’t care what they think!” – if I had that kind of courage, I’d be much better off.

I think about this entire learning process, I must say, it is rather wonderful. Every time I complete each “section” just a small fraction of a chapter, I feel extremely proud. I know bebe is feeding me the willpower and the intellect to continue learning. I’ve lost motivation many times in the past, particularly with working out, lol, because I lack that DRIVE. This time, bebe is providing me with this drive, enabling my mind to stay concentrated and to focus on learning this language. Bebe is also giving me a reason to learn it, because it will help improve our communication ability with each other and also, making sure that I understand what’s happening around me when her family or friends are speaking Mandarin. Do I dare say that I’ll be able to decode everything that will happen around me? Well, maybe and maybe not. As I get more exposure to Mandarin, hopefully through her and interactions with family and friends, I’ll be able to pick up on “real” lessons through experience and immersion – rather than just through this program. Although I may only be able to communicate effectively after finishing the entire 3 sets , further immersion into her environment will truly help me to build upon what I learned and make my language learning practical.

For those who are learning Mandarin or perhaps even a different language, I will definitely vouch for Rosetta Stone being a great tool. I’m not sure whether it effectively replaces a “teacher” or “in-class lesson” – but I’ll tell you it’s definitely cheaper and less time consuming. The odd thing is this type of learning style doesn’t require “homework” – but reinforces the learning very well. Conversely, many of the “taught” courses all require in-class lessons along with homework to accomplish the same thing. According to them, you learn naturally, speak confidently and stay motivated. The way they teach the language simulates the way that children learn languages, therefore making it effortless for me to learn it. Like I said, I didn’t even realize I learned half the things I actually did. By matching apple with apple, it made the learning experience EASY. Speaking confidently, I definitely do it well in front of the computer. This programs has a state-of-the-art voice recognition system which is very important particularly for Mandarin because of the word enunciation and that tone is absolutely CRUCIAL. Sometimes I get tongue-tied saying something and it forces me to say it over and over again until I get it right! Of course when I actually speak it with people, they don’t ask me to “say it again” (unless it’s REALLY messed up) and we make do with trying to communicate with what I do know. Staying motivated is amazing how they do it. Because the program allows you to go at your own pace, repeat things, pause on things, fast forward and doesn’t hassle you – I feel very RELAXED when I’m taking these lessons. These lessons also feel very fulfilling after I complete them, I get a sense of, “Hey, I’m doing better!”

Looking at one of the words I learned, I almost know I’m going to trip on it one time and get my ass laughed off. Nevertheless, it’ll be pretty funny. Washroom is 衛生間 or pronounced wei sheng jian. Sanitary napkin is 衛生巾 or pronounced wei sheng jin. Whether or not you can properly read pinyin, as you can see, the sounding of those are EXTREMELY close, lol. Maybe to a native Mandarin speaker, they can easily separate the tones of jian and jin, but I can’t do it very well at the moment and I need to continue to ensure I hit the right tones XD Can you imagine the embarrassment if I said the wrong thing? LOL! Um.. “Excuse me, where can I find the WASHROOM?” 😆 — can you see the potential for major catastrophe there? HAH! Of course I wouldn’t mind being led to the sanitary napkins section if I was in a supermarket, but how weird would that be if I asked that in a restaurant? Oh man…

Anyways, so today, I was planning to have a lighthearted discussion with bebe. I told her I missed her while she was away and asked her if she felt the same. Obviously she couldn’t answer that, so then I kind of asked her why she still doesn’t feel like that. I was not planning on having a huge argument over it because when I asked her, it was simply of inquisitive nature and I wasn’t intending to imply she was “not being fulfilling enough” – which is what I guess she ended up perceiving it as. It was really just an innocent and perhaps grin-and-ask type question, one of those ones you never really expect an answer for. I expected a shrug and a “I just don’t feel ready yet” answer and then that would’ve been the end of that and moved on. Unfortunately, because of my stinking big mouth, it erupted into a very negative situation. The bad thing is that if I had just said nothing, it wouldn’t have caused all of this.

Sometimes I tell myself I’m so fucking stupid for saying things like that. I know that I understand myself and that I know when I am joking or just prodding at her – but sometimes she doesn’t know when I’m doing that and then she ends up taking things the wrong way. I was in no way telling her or wanting to making her feel she wasn’t “holding up her end” because she is – I can tell just from the past 3 months that she’s been trying her best to bring those feelings to surface, so there is NO blame at all that I’m placing on her. But unfortunately, by asking, I brought some negativity to the surface and that was purely my fault for bringing it up. Perhaps when I wanted just grin-on-my-face jokingness, it ended up not so well when I can’t convey tone/facial expression properly. It kind of pissed me off WHY I would even say such things… sometimes I question my own intelligence. I know that when she’s ready to take the relationship to the next step, she’ll tell me so, whether verbally or through body language, why would I be so foolish as to even ask her these things, particularly when she has problems conveying her thoughts? ARG. Can’t I just keep my mouth shut sometimes? I totally instigated this… she trailed into a conversation where it was a defining moment whether we would erupt this into something and I still stepped into it by having to make a statement about it. Why must I have an opinion on everything? I should learn what my mom taught me about just holding back sometimes. Ever since my dad passed away, my mom had always said she looked back and wonder why they got into arguments sometimes. It dawned upon her that sometimes if she had just held back her “thoughts” and not always “take a stance” on everything, there would never be a catalyst to start an argument. I know that if I just didn’t comment on what bebe said and I had to “throw my 2-cents of thought” into the conversation, none of this would have happened. I know that it doesn’t change the reality of the situation, but it DOES prevent something like this that gives her MORE leverage and negativity.

I had to completely steer clear of anymore relationship-related stuff because I didn’t want this to fester. The last thing I need is something to give us more reasons to throw at each other. Best to keep the calm and keep the peace. Unlike other couples, maybe we should not talk about the direction of our relationship, and just accept it as-is, lol. Oh, I definitely need less opinions on everything… or well at least not express them. As of the last time I saw her, things were beautiful and we were growing closer. Something happened over the past week with her friend that has really drawn this negativity out in her. I would think perhaps it was relationship or family-related that happened with her friend that seemed to throw a wrench into the crankshaft. Bebe had been so positive about our relationship, up to the last week when she was away at her friend’s and something was amidst. I need to work on embracing bebe’s comfort level with me, making sure that she doesn’t feel like she’s bad in this relationship or the failing point. NEITHER of us are a failing point and we can’t let this relationship fail. I promised bebe I’d continue to be whole I am and told her to stop feeling like she’s “not giving me enough” because I’m not asking for more, I’m asking her to be who she is until she wants to give me more. Sometimes I guess she feels like I’m pushing her or feeling like I’m implying she’s not being satisfying enough. I’m definitely NOT trying to convey that as much as sometimes I ask her things about our direction, I simply want to “know” things – but not with the intention of pushing her beyond her limits at the moment. I know that bebe’s the type of girl that when she feels she’s ready, she’ll step up to the plate – just like she did for us the first time and now is like no other – we will overcome these obstacles together and we will grow and learn to cherish each other in all the right ways to come!

Alan Tam 譚詠麟 – 小風波

如讓你看見這痛苦中的我
誰願再掀起小風波
其實我與你好知心好清楚
但偏要製造苦楚

還願看見你看你想不想我
還願看你心可苦楚
其實你也痛彼此一般的多
問可有快樂分給我

今天的當初我只愛你一個
心裡有句說話要對你說清楚
可否息風波你對我已不錯
心裡也暗暗認我也有一點點錯

還願你再約我到公園等我忘掉了往昔開始過
其實我共你好知心好清楚願此際你在想我
其實我與你過往真開心過留住那笑聲於心窩
其實我共你早交出心一顆應該帶笑入愛河
共墮愛河

OOH但願大家言你與我都有點錯
OOH但願大家言再與你相唱和

Oddly enough, I was JUST listening to this song yesterday so I thought it’d be very fitting today to post it. I blame myself for instigating this argument because I could’ve avoided it all had I just not pushed her buttons. Sometimes I even find myself annoying, why do I purposely do things like that? LOL. It’s kind of like the kid who sees a puddle and still jumps into it, knowing very well that he’ll get dirty! This song is about all the “trivial issues” that couples run into but in the end, he (the singer) expresses that no matter what matters come up, that she (the song recipient) is still the one and only person to him. I really believe in the power of words, because hearing these lyrics makes me think of these stupid little things I do to bebe and although most of it are misunderstandings. Even though bebe and I may sometimes do something that the other end “doesn’t like” – I still know that I need to make myself clear that she is the one and only special girl for me and that these little matters can be overcome. I admit I am wrong to her when I am, and apologize deeply for my mistakes.

I don’t have any pre-translated English versions of this, so if you can understand it – great – if not, oh well 😛 Just skip this part, haha.

Funny tidbit that I never realized how learning Mandarin would help me… I can (partially/fully) understand the pad/tampon commercials that are in Mandarin now, LOL! 😀

Changes to Spending Habits – Living it Large

After returning from Hong Kong, I’ve found myself in living a different lifestyle. Where as I, prior to the trip, would be leary of spending, I am not finding myself spending on things that I would have otherwise spent a long time considering. Suffice to say, I haven’t won the lottery yet or make mounds of cash investing into stocks (again, YET) – but I am starting to utilize the money I’m earning more often and being less thrifty. The reason is not because I want to “show off” or to overindulge in using my money, but rather, something very important my uncle said to me (which I will translate to English). He said, “I am rich because I spend my money, not because I have lots of it. A rich person, is one who uses his money and enjoys it, regardless of his existing wealth. A poor person, is one who does not use his money and sits it in the bank, regardless of his existing wealth. When one uses money usefully, he (or she) is rich. When one does not use their money, no matter how much is in the bank, he (or she) is poor.

I have a habit of saving – saving for a rainy day and saving for my future family. I save a lot of money suffice to say and I’d wager every year (since I’ve been working), I’ve been storing just over 50% of my take home pay. I invest it, into my RRSP, into my supplementary pension plan, into my cash-able life insurance, into my TFSA and into stocks/funds. On good years, my investment income usually supplies me with 2-3 tickets of airfare to Hong Kong, so the reality is I could go there every year if I wanted to, and I may soon turn that into a reality.

But anyways, back onto my point. I’ve been living it large lately. I want to realize those dreams of “being rich” – not necessarily because I have lots of money, but because life is about enjoyment, making your comfortable and utilizing the resources that you have. Since I’ve returned, in the past 2 weeks I have been spending money more lavishly. This is particularly true with luxury items and with food. I also learned another very important aspect of Hong Kong lifestyle is that they invest majorly into 1 or both of the following: clothing and food. I’m not particularly interested in clothing, so I have adopted the 2nd, food. Another thing my uncle taught me, “You should learn that eating is not about filling your stomach the most for the least money. Food is about quality, not quantity. Therefore, you should aim to eat small portions of good food, rather than be concerned with feeling full by eating lesser foods.” My uncle is truly full of wisdom and he has both a Canadian and Hong Kong lifestyle perspective as he’s lived in both places. He does understand the need of why I save, but also encourages me to utilize money effectively and that does not necessarily equate to saving it all.

In the past 2 weeks, I’d say that I’ve already bought, or consider buying items that I would have taken a long time to justify and rationalize. Just over the weekend, I walked into Future Shop and bought a Wii Fit Plus. I did do some prior bargain hunting, but to no avail. I could’ve waited – but I didn’t… I just went out and bought it. Sure, it cost $20 more than if I waited for the next sale, but I want it NOW – and I got it. The computer and monitor rack that I got for bebe for her birthday, I wanted to give her my old video card so she could play her games and watch HD movies – but instead, I am now buying her a new video card. Why? Because I can and that she deserves it. Also, what kind of terrible boyfriend would I be, one who is a computer guy and giving his girl outdated stuff? 😛 I promised I’d buy myself a new pistol or rifle every year. I put one on order, a nice new revolver for me to play around with 😀 I used to fiddle with my iPhone headset every time I got into the car so I could legally use my phone (as it is outlawed in Ontario to hold a communication device while driving) and got tired of it – so I got myself a Bluetooth headset – and a nice one too, that responds to voice activation/commands AND is also capable of multiple language sets… of course I chose Cantonese 😆

As you can see, I’m spend less time thinking and more time buying! I know that the moral of the story goes both ways here. Some will say, “Hey, great, you’re satisfying your wants.” while others will spit in disgust and say that I’m wasting money needlessly. Also, in the next while, I will be installing a fireplace in my computer room so I’m nice, warm and cozy while I play, chat or do work on my computer! Yes, that’s right, I want to be luxurious and enjoy the money I’m earning. It wasn’t that I’m cheap on others, I tend just to be cheap on myself. I’ve spent more money on bebe than I have on any other girl I’ve dated… perhaps I dare say I’ve spent more on her than I have with all of my ex’s put together, LOL! I’m not quantifying my love for her via how much money I spend on her, but more of the fact she makes me feel and want to spend money on her. I spend money on my family and friends as well, because I don’t mind. We go out for nice meals, do costly activities – but still, I’m only cheap when it comes to myself. I’m turning that around – I want to be the one enjoying the fruition of the seeds which I have sewn myself.

I guess I’m a bit old fashion and perhaps that alpha-male part of me kicks in when I’m with bebe. By spending money on her and also, showing that I have financial stability is an implicit sign that I’m able to “take care of her”.. I mean this is TOTALLY 1950’s mentality, haha, but still, it’s born into us guys where we feel the need to have to ‘display’ ourselves and ‘prove’ that we’re capable. I’m not trying to bribe bebe with money or throw money at her in hopes of winning her love, but what I’m trying to do is to show that at the very least, I can be a successful boyfriend and future husband who can provide for her if necessary. I know I think “a bit farther ahead” because I’m older than she is and have different paths I want to walk in life, but the reality is that I don’t want to have a huge margin of income with her – which is the reality given both our careers. I have a very important topic I’d like to write on in the near future, the idea of social status and individual prestige, which will make what sense of what I’m trying to express above.

I’m already looking at the posted transactions that are coming through on my credit card already! This is probably the most I’ve spent in a while (not including on my trip) and there will be more to come. I work hard during the day and even after hours, so isn’t it at least right of me to come home and be submersed into comfort and luxury? I don’t earn my money for nothing or to leave it in the bank while they trade my money around to earn money for themselves!

I’m rich, because I’m using my money to generate happiness. I am no longer poor, because my monetary wealth is bringing my lasting wealth through enjoyment and fulfillment of wants! Even when I bring happiness to bebe it makes me smile, so the wealth is not only spent on me, but her as well… us, both our families and hopefully soon, our very own family 😀

I’m in a very loving mood tonight, so even though my bebe is not around with me right now, if she ever asks me how much I love her … then I can answer her with THIS much! 😛

Teresa Teng (鄧麗君) – The Moon Represents My Heart (月亮代表我的心)


And… because UMG are a bunch of cock-sucking retards, you have to go on YouTube directly to watch it.

你 问 我 爱 你 有 多 深
You ask me how deep I love you

我 爱 你 有 几 分?
How much I love you

我的 情 也 真,
My feeling is true

我的 爱 也 真,
My love is true

月亮 代表 我的 心。
Moon represents my heart

你 问 我 爱 你 有 多 深
You ask me how deep I love you

我 爱 你 有 几 分?
How much I love you

我的 情 不 移,
My feeling is steadfast

我的 爱 不 变,
My love is constant

月亮 代表 我的 心。
Moon represents my heart

轻轻 的 一个 吻
A tender kiss

已经 打动 我的 心。
Already touch my heart

深深 的 一段 情
A deep love

教 我 思念 到 如今。
Makes me miss till now

你 问 我 爱 你 有 多 深
You ask me how deep I love you

我 爱 你 有 几 分?
How much I love you

你 去 想 一 想
You go think about it

你 去 看 一 看
You go have a look

月亮代表我的心。
Moon represents my heart

你去想一想
You go think about it

你去看一看
You go have a look

月亮代表我的心。
Moon represents my heart

Brandy – Have You Ever (MV)

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right
Have you ever
Have you ever
(Have you ever)

Have you ever been in love, been in love so bad
You’d do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You’d give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you dont know what to say and you dont know where to start

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right
Have you ever (Have you ever)
Have you ever

Ooooh
Have you ever found the one you’ve dreamed of all your life
You’d do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you’ve given your heart to
Only to find that one won’t give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care

Have you ever loved somebody so much (so much) it makes you cry
(Makes you wanna break down and cry)
Have you ever needed something so bad(so, so bad) you cant sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right
(Have you ever)
Have you ever
Have you ever
(Have you ever ever ever)

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world cuz baby I can’t sleep

Have you ever loved somebody so much (so much) it makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right
Have you ever
Have you ever…

Loved somebody so much it makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night
(Just cant sleep at night)
Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right
Have you ever
Have you ever
(Have you ever ever ever)
Ooooo
Have you ever

I was thinking about bebe this morning… well that’s nothing new, but I was wiping her picture today because the frame was getting dirty from a week and a bit of me not being in the office and it was starting to collect a bit of dust on the top (very dusty environment around here). I always have problems conveying how I feel about her, because it runs so deep and there’s no words that can explain it – nor the pain she causes me I don’t even know how to express it. Nevertheless, somehow this song just popped into my head or rather, mainly the lyrics.

This song is so old and I haven’t heard it in ages, but the words in the songs resonate in my head and somehow I recall them so clearly as when this song was a chart hitter. God, looking at the title, this song was made in 1998. Now I really feel old, haha.

I miss my bebe a lot ❤ just thought the world should know!! Pray for us and that we will reunite soon and that she’ll learn to appreciate me and learn that in life, time isn’t worth waiting as every moment is precious and limited.

The Platters – Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

I coincidentally heard this song in a TVB drama I’m watching today… talk about fucking bad timing. Either way, the lyrics are true… the emotions are true.. and yes, the blindness is true as well. Love can be great or love can suck just as much. Excuse me while I go cry myself to sleep and perhaps hope I don’t wake up tomorrow morning. If you think that I’m any less of a man right now for being hurt by love, please feel free to suck my left nut because you’re not good enough for my right.

They asked me how I knew
My true love was true
Oh, I of course replied
Something here inside cannot be denied

They said someday you’ll find
All who love are blind
Oh, when your heart’s on fire
You must realize
Smoke gets in your eyes

So I chaffed them and I gaily laughed
To think they could doubt my love
Yet today my love has flown away
I am without my love

Now laughing friends deride
Tears I can not hide
Oh, so I smile and say
When a lovely flame dies
Smoke gets in your eyes
Smoke gets in your eyes

譚詠麟 -朋友 (Alan Tam – Friends)

I really wanted to find a good song for my Wednesday post, but couldn’t find one that really I could use. Apparently after reviewing most of my music collection, many of them are Chinese love songs which really wouldn’t be suitable for the occasion, haha. Found an excellent one that fits the bill perfectly! Holy, this is a timeless classic. For those who have grown up in a Chinese family, I’m sure you’ll have heard this song a million times already, LOL.

Translation by: thekeck

譚詠麟 -朋友

Alan Tam – Friends

繁星流動    和你同路
All the stars floating here and there, I walk this road with you
從不相識開始心接近
We never met each other in the past, but now our hearts begin to move closer
默默以真摯待人
Quietly, we treat each other with true sincerity

人生如夢    朋友如霧
Life is like a dream, friends are like a mist
難得知心几經風暴
It is rare to find friends who intimate understand you, and will weather the storms and rain with you
為著我不退半步正是你
It is because of you then I will not take a step backward

遙遙晚空點點星光息息相關
In this faraway night sky, the scatter of stars appear so closely connected
你我那怕荊棘鋪滿路
You & I, even if this road is lined with thistles and thorns
替我解開心中的孤單
You will help me (literally translation is ‘on my behalf’) undo the loneliness in my heart
是誰明白我
It is you whom understands me best
情同兩手一起開心一起悲傷
Our friendship like two hands, passing through the good times and the times of pain
彼此分擔不分我或你
Share each other’s worries and responsibilities, with no differentiation between you and I
你為了我     我為了你
You for me, and I for me
共赴患難絕望里緊握你手
Together, we will pass through trials and troubles and overcome all hopelessness, as I tightly grip your hand
朋友
As friends

Michael Wong (光良) – Fairytale 童話 Youtube MV

Can’t think of anything to post today other than this… it’s a really sweet song and does have English subtitles for those who don’t understand Mandarin (not that I claim to understand it well either, har-har). I cried my eyes out the first time I saw this MV … ya ya, pussy – I know. It’s not a new song and many would already consider this a “classic” (but not like Mozart, lol) and many of you from Asian-regions or background have likely already heard (about) it before, but without further ado….

Artist: 王光良 Michael Wong

Title: 童話 Fairytale

Language: Mandarin with Chinese/English Sub

It’s a really touching song. The first time I ever heard this song, I did not see the music video with it and even I felt how sweet it was, the power and commitment of love. After seeing the MV, my definition and ideal of what love is all about was never the same again.

The following translation is slightly different than the one in the video, but conveys the actual Chinese lyrics very well:

I’ve forgotten how long it’s been
Since I last heard you
Tell me your favourite fairytale
I’ve thought for a very long time
I’m starting to get worried
Have I done something wrong again?

You told me with tears in your eyes
That fairytales are all lies
There’s no way I can be your prince charming
Perhaps you don’t understand
Since you said you loved me
The stars in my sky started to twinkle

I’m willing to be
The angel you love in the fairytale
I’ll open my arms wide
And turn them into wings to protect you
You must believe
Believe that we will be like the fairytale
With happy ever after as the ending

Together we’ll write our own ending

I cannot even recall how many times I’ve listened to this song and mulled over the words. They’re so beautiful… it’s very rare and few that music touches me, so it’s amazing when I can find one that I really tune-into. This is one of the few Mandarin songs that I can sing (properly) from listening to it so many times and asking my aunt to help me with words that I couldn’t pronounce properly.

Hope you all enjoy until my next “on topic” posting! If it makes you cry, rest assured, you are not the only one because I’ve spoken to lots of people (guys AND girls) who have shared the same sentiment about this song/video.

The funny part I did notice in the mv (although probably was not intention on the producer’s part… or maybe it was) – was when Michael stares at the girls’ boobs… not once, but TWICE, lol.. very obviously too.. So ham sup (perv) 😆 The girl even catches him looking and he still continues… HAH! I’m sure if I ever stared at my girlfriend’s boobs like that (current or ex), I’d be slapped 😀

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