Blog Archives

Goodbye Pads & Tampons – Hello Menstrual Cup!

You’ll find this title picture very amusing after you read the entry… (or at least if you know what’s in the theme of the picture)

So yesterday I participated in a grand celebration of a one-year anniversary of Bepreparedperiod tweet chats! It was a fantastic party, again, reminding us that the menstrual cycle is a perfectly natural bodily process and we should not be ashamed to speak about it. It’s also important that both guys and girls have equal opportunity to be educated through books and dialogue. During the tweet chat, I mentioned the excitement of introducing a menstrual cup to one of my girls which @bpreparedperiod suggested I blog on. What a wonderful idea, it totally didn’t cross my mind to write about it! It only happened less than a week ago so it’s still fresh on to my mind on how it happened!

So pretty much the highlight of this entry is that I managed to convince one of my girls to try a menstrual cup, although it was definitely an interesting method… one I would not recommend you employing unless you really know the person is comfortable with it and can take a hardy joke. Last weekend, I was over at her house and recently, I had purchased a menstrual cup from a nearby “green” store. It was in the trunk so I thought, “Hey, why not try to persuade —- to give it a shot?” As with most of my girls, the idea of reusable menstrual products do not sit well, particularly when it comes to the question of, “How do I clean it?” Unfortunately the second I have to say “dump and wash it” or “throw it in the laundry” I get that exasperated look already. I may be a person who likes to poke and prod here and there to see if they’ll change their minds, but I never force… after all, menstrual products are all personal preference and I hate the idea that one is “superior” to another – each has its own merits.

My friend just got her period the day before, so it was a perfect opportunity for me to give her a prod to try out the product. I know she’s weary of it, but she’s also one of my girls who is the type to be persuaded with a wee bit of pressure. We were about to head out to shop, so she went into her room to change. I snuck upstairs to her bathroom and took the basket where she keeps her pads and tampons. I emptied out the pads/tampons into my laptop bag temporarily because that’d be the last place she would assume I’d hide them! I brought the basket back into her bathroom and in place of the 20 some-odd products she had in it initially, I replaced it with one item – a menstrual cup.

Heck, I could be an Olympian assassin being able to pull that off without her noticing my movements and within record time! I see all this running and exercising of mine is paying off 😆 I ran back downstairs and sat on the couch and waiting to hear her reaction from upstairs. I could hear her room door opening and she trotted toward the bathroom, likely to change herself before we left the house. I could hear her screaming my name and I burst out laughing. I’m sure some of my readers will consider this a cruel act, however, I know her well enough to not cause any hard feelings and in the event she really asked for pads or tampons back, I wouldn’t withhold them from her. I expected her to come rushing down and scrounging for her products back, but to my surprize, she didn’t. She called me upstairs and asked me to help her (through the door) to figure out how to use it. Now obviously I don’t have a vagina and have never inserted a menstrual cup in my life, but I guess conceptually I know it as well as I could. I talked her through it and she managed to get it in after about 15 minutes (or at least what FELT like 15) of fiddling with it and came out smiling.

She did ask for a pad to put on just-in-case the cup leaked since it is her first time using one, so I just gave everything back to her. I asked her if it felt anything like using a tampon and she said, “Not at all – feels even better and more reassuring.” I was really pleased that she took an opportunity to try it out and whether she continues using it, she at least gave herself the exposure to reusable menstrual products. A few hours into shopping, she was worried it would start to spill as it was day 2 for her and she doesn’t exactly flow on the light side either. She asked me to wait outside the “family” washroom for her just in case she ran into some major trouble. It took her some extra time (compared to when she uses conventional pads/tampons), but I heard the toilet flush so I assumed everything was ok. She emerged, smiled and told me everything was fine and that the cup wasn’t even close to full. She even happily touted that she doubted any pad/tampon she used could’ve withstood so many hours without leaking when she’s this heavy! She was so pleased with the cup that she even told me she ditched the pad because she felt secure enough.

She did mention that at first, when she had to rinse out the cup it was rather disturbing to see how much menstrual flow there was because she’s never seen the true amount of flow whenever it was absorbed into disposable pads or tampons. She also had to be quite careful upon removing the cup as to not spill the entire content all over the place. Understandably, there are all concerns that many of my other disposable-loving girls have. I always like to give opportunities for my girls try new products, disposables and reusables. I will never force the issue, though it can be quite fun and amusing (person-dependent) to pull something like this off and end up with a great reward. Now I have one more of my girls who has at least tried using a cup and that may perhaps create a path for her to try other reusable products like cloth pads.

While writing this entry, I exchanged a few text messages with her to see if she had any additional thoughts. She doubts that she will adopt the menstrual cup as a permanent replacement of her menstrual hygiene options, but definitely will be replacing her tampon-use overnight as it prevents the worry of TSS risk when sleeping beyond 8 hours. The cup will also be more convenient at home to use, though that doesn’t necessarily mean she won’t use it outside of the house either… however, using disposables can sometimes prove to be a convenience. On her VERY heavy days, pairing the cup with a pad backup would buy her a lot of time in between changing if needed or would give her a peace-of-mind to sleep in. Finally, she can immensely cut down purchases of pads/tampons since she has an extra option to rotate with and generate less trash every month.

I hope you found as much joy through this entry as I did with my little joke – which turned out great. I have to reiterate that this is not something everyone should try, unless you know your ‘target’ well. Though it sounded like I did this in the heat-of-the-moment, there was a lot of contemplation and consideration before pulling this off. Remember that you should never force menstrual hygiene options on someone, but encouraging and providing options through a friendly and helpful manner will bring you a better response. You can never understand another person’s needs, comfort level and feelings, so you should ensure not to press the matter beyond what is reasonable between the two of you! 🙂

Seasons Greeting & Merry Christmas 2011

I want to take this opportunity to wish everyone Seasons Greetings and/or Merry Christmas from the Men In Menstruation team.

For those of you who got or already have your period today, congratulations! I hope your period treats you well as it’s a beautiful gift to have over the holidays. If your partner starts her period today and you’re a menstrual fan like me, I’m sure that this is a better Christmas present than anything money can buy 🙂

If you’ve delayed getting gifts, consider buying some reusable feminine hygiene products this year or perhaps to vouch that in the new year 2012 that converting or at least trying a reusable menstrual protection is on your list of things to do!!

Have a safe one, everyone!

Interesting Thoughts For Holidays

You know, holidays always brings along interesting thoughts. It’s Christmas Eve here in Ontario, with only a mere few hours away to 2011’s Christmas.

Last year, this time, Bebe told me (she was in Malaysia at the time and I was visiting in Hong Kong) that she’d come to Hong Kong to meet up with me. When she sent me her itinerary, I seriously thought I was in heaven. I was blessed, excited, thrilled and felt like I was on top of the world. For the 5 days which Bebe stayed in Hong Kong with me, it was amazing and undoubtedly for the my entire lively existence could be the best week so far. Holidays, draw upon many of our memories thinking of the past and potential futures. Likewise, this will be the 5th year that my dad has not been with us. Though his physical presence is no longer here, his memories still live on in all of us and as well a reminder not to be sad, but to cherish all the time we had.

This year, will also be my first year that one of my ex’s has decided to ignore me. I know I skipped out on plans with her as a result of my mom’s health issues. I tried explaining to her, but apparently that wasn’t enough to convince her that I had a legitimate reason to lose a plan. I understand her being upset, particularly because I’m one of those people who absolutely hate it when people lose plans on ME or aren’t punctual with a set time. I can definitely give grace for situations where there were uncontrollable situations or changes with matter of life-and-death. To be honest, I do quite miss my ex’s presence and though we only touched base once in a while, she was and is still a very important person in my life. Though we may be separated for many years again, perhaps one day we will meet up again.

Christmas is a time to rejoice, both to enjoy happy times but also to reflect on the bad. Not everything in life is happy and I know several friends and family who have even lost someone special in their life this year. However, we can continue to make the best of our life and to honour those we have lost by keeping them close to our hearts.

I also want to make this Christmas great, by reminding myself that one year ago, how special Bebe made me vacation to Hong Kong (which normally rocks already) by visiting me. She took the time, effort and money, to come meet me and make my holiday a shining one. I also want to thank her mother and father, for raising such a wonderful daughter and hope one day, they will entrust me with her in my arms. I also want to remember my deceased father who along with my living mother, gave life to me to enjoy and make this very blog entry this day. I want my ex, “L” to know that despite her ignoring of me and being upset with my lack of responsiveness to plans, that I still do miss her a lot and her status within my heart hasn’t changed.

On a happy note for me, I went to visit one of my god-sis’ today and when I got to her house, she jumped on my back (because she’s considerably younger than me) and told me excitedly she got her period this morning. She loves it when she can give me good news like that, so I smiled and gave her her present 🙂 It made my day nicer! 😆

Seasons greetings and have a safe & happy holiday!

Making Your Washroom “Girl” Friendly – Toilet Etiquette

With the holidays arriving quickly upon us, many of us will be traveling from location to location, either hosting a party or being a guest of a party. One thing that one of my friends recently approached me about, was how to make a washroom “girl-friendly”. I do attest that with many of my male friends, particularly those who lived off-campus with a bunch of guys or on his own, that their washrooms tend not to be girl-friendly. Of course washroom etiquette goes beyond whether the toilet is friendly for females, but just general hygienic practice is equally important. Unless that particular bathroom is not going to be available for guests, it’s important that guys keep some thoughts in mind if you plan on having girls over, or rather, if you plan on having them over ever again.

One key thing that most “male” washrooms neglect is a trash bin. Other than just the obvious disposal of tampons, tampon applicators, pads and pad wrappers, many women also opt to discard used toilet paper (non-excrement ones) in the trash rather than in the toilet. This is more true for those who have older houses who know that one-too-much toilet paper into the commode will usually get it clogged. Most of the girls I know and have actually ran this by do say they prefer disposing their pee-wipe toilet paper into the trash rather than in the toilet. Only 2 of them told me they “dispose it in the toilet all the time”. As I have noticed, washrooms in male-oriented living quarters tend to lack trash bins… I suppose one could argue that we have no ‘need’ for one for ourselves as any time we need to wipe is usually when we defaecate and not generally for pee-wiping.

Many of my girls have told me they dislike going to male-only households for this reason, because while pitching used toilet paper in the commode and flushing is a reasonable expectation, I can definitely tell you that pads do not belong in the toilet whatsoever. I have had to help a friend unclog a toilet before because his girlfriend couldn’t find a trash in his washroom, so she attempted to flush it down the toilet. Though most modern toilets and sewage systems will marginally deal with pads, you’re not going to get lucky every time. By providing a trash bin, you allow a girl to discretely dispose of her used products rather than trying to ‘hide’ it by flushing it down the toilet. If you’ve never had the experience before, plumbing work is very expensive. Please provide a trash receptacle of some sort in the washroom, better yet have a lid on it. Speaking of which for the guys, for your own trash emptying sake, you might want to use a bag so that you can close your eyes, tie it up and take it to the trash after.

The following recommendation doesn’t necessarily apply just to making a washroom girl-friendly, but might even be applicable for the guys. If you plan on having guest over, particularly when there are lots of women (because let’s face it, most of us would agree/admit that households with more women tend to consume toilet paper at a MUCH quicker rate than an all-male household). As long as you have space to spare in your washroom, ensure the toilet paper roll is regularly available and to always keep 1-2 in an accessible and open area, unless you know the guest well enough where they’d rummage through your drawers to get spares. I will usually keep 2 extra rolls of toilet paper right on top of the commode, above the water tank. Here’s an extra thought for you too, though I kind of experienced this (sadly) in a public washroom. Before using that particular stall, I didn’t check to see if there was actually toilet paper available – or well, enough of it. After finishing up my duties, I went to get toilet paper and sure enough, there was a questionable amount left. If you’re hosting parties at your own place, try to always ensure that there is an ample amount of toilet paper available, because no one wants (or wants to see someone) to waddle or scream from the washroom for toilet paper to wipe!

If you can, provide a fixed air-fresheners or a spray. Many of us would say we “over eat” during the holiday seasons, so then we all know, “What goes in, must come out.” In a house that only has one or two available washrooms for guest, make sure that the revolving doors of visitors don’t have to face the last persons stench. I know, I know… our bodies shouldn’t be shunned, but most of us don’t excrete rose-petals either. Pads or tampons which are not properly disposed and allow prolonged contact with open-air may emanate a smell, so if you’re not providing a close-lid trash, then the air freshener will help to mask any dried-period smell coming from the used products.

Clean up after yourself, because I’ve seen some very raunchy male toilets before. We, I’ve seen toilet seats covered in pubic hair and toilet bowls that doesn’t seem like they’ve ever been cleaned. Also, as a penis-owner, I can say we don’t always have “full control” – or rather, water dynamics can be a very interesting thing. For girls who don’t have brothers/father/male family members living in the same household or who are just super-hygienic will sometimes cringe at the thought of pee-droplets all over the toilet. I remember one of my girls came over had to actually ask my mom to wipe the toilet for her before she could go – because apparently, it is OK for my mom to taint her hands wiping it, but not her. Of course I knew it wasn’t my pee because I have a habit of making sure “pee spray” is cleaned up due to training by my bebe 😆 Even bebe having 4 brothers, she still can’t stand when pee flies everywhere so I’m also extra diligent about splash-back when using her toilet. Don’t forget that many girls sit on the toilet when they go, so clean up the seat to the point where even you would sit on it (unless you’re a really dirty person). If you can’t do that, perhaps consider providing those toilet seat covers.

Looking to be extra girl-friendly then consider leaving accessible pads and tampons in the washroom so that one of your visitors caught off-guard doesn’t have to make it “public knowledge” that her period has arrived. Plus, no one wants to spoil the mood of the party or have to leave just because their visitor dropped in for a visit! I know 2 of my friends who really dislike having girls over who don’t seem to know how to “wrap and dispose” their stuff properly, so they even provide small brown paper bags for girls to throw their stuff in before dropping it into the trash. To me, that’s overkill and probably being environmentally unfriendly – but to each their own. I can stand the sight of a used, opened-pad and tampon without getting all queasy, but I can also understand that people don’t generally like looking at someones (or even their own) liquids. For the girls: If you consider flushing your tampons or if you’re on your period, please try to make sure the tampon is actually whisked away on the first flush and that your menstrual flow and clots don’t come back up. Again, not something that bothers me, but something that definitely bothers most guys to see 😛

Keep your ‘questionable’ products hidden. I know that in the end, your washroom is your washroom, but if you have girls visiting (and particularly if you’re trying to make a good impression), it is a good idea to “keep it clean”. If you normally leave stuff like porno magazines, lube, sex toys or whatnot in the washroom, it may be a good idea to conceal them well. I’m sure not too many girls would imagine you don’t masturbate, BUT, sometimes it is a matter of “out of sight, out of mind” – because a girl probably doesn’t want to be going pee and seeing your lube and toys on the counter top.

I know that when you live alone or with other guys, letting things get “out of shape” can be very easy and reversing that, takes a lot of work. I remember going to my guy friend’s house who had 4 guys living in it, sharing a single bathroom. I was afraid to touch anything in that bathroom, worried that if I did, I’d probably get a handful of pubes or that white soap may not actually be… soap. There were clear indications that no one wiped anywhere after peeing, since there were dried pee-spots all over the floor and splashes against the seat. That washroom was barely me-friendly, let alone for most girls (and I have a pretty high tolerance as it stands) to even think about relieving themselves there.

If you have any further thoughts or considerations, please feel free to comment or let me know 😀

Looks of Disgust, Jealousy or Perversion?

For those of you who are avid shoppers and have access to a Walmart, you would know that this past week was Walmart’s anniversary. As such, they featured many low-price products and paired with back-to-school and back-IN-school sales, they attracted many shoppers of all ages and gender. As I was walking through Walmart, it was almost like wading through the streets of a busy night in Hong Kong, pushing through throngs of people to get at the “sale bins”. Clearly Walmart was prepared, because many of the sale items were constantly available as I watched the associates fill the shelves again and again as the masses of people stepped away, revealing gaping holes where products used to sit. Of those sales, Walmart featured an assortment of Always pads, liners and Tampax tampons for $2.87/ea – however, with a limit of 6. Obviously if you have those families that have many females in the house, whether living with relatives or with many daughters, girls had stacked boxes and packages at the checkout counter. Let’s face it, a family with 3 girls (let’s just say a mother and 2 daughters), that’s already EIGHTEEN packs of pads/tampons that they would be eligible to buy within the limits.

I swear, while the prices of pads or tampons haven’t decreased, it seems like the quantity of them slowly get chipped away. For instance, the original Stayfree line had more pads per package than the current Thermocontrol series, even though the overall pricing structure hasn’t changed. I can understand developing newer products and technology costs money and that shoppers may be turned off at a price hike, but let’s not assume people buying stuff are blind. We know that every package, there’s a few less before and the price of the package is still the same. That morning, when I got to work, I noticed my Brandsaver coupons had arrived, one of which was a 75-cents off any Always product. Given that the only other sale of Always products I’ve seen so cheap was $2.77 (only on 2 days of the week though), I figured $2.87 -0.75 would be a pretty good price to pick up some pads and tampons. Since the other day I only recently stocked up a variety of pads to revisit and tampons to have one of my girls test for me, I was not in need of them. But as usual, I always have my girls and girlfriend in mind and since bebe isn’t a big Always fan, I decided to check up on some of my other girls to see if they needed a restock!

While I always feel comfortable when it comes to being in the feminine hygiene aisle or that I’m a part of my girls’ purchasing decision, I never flaunt my status loudly. Again, I love the fact my girls allow me to be part of their menstrual lives, so in public I never make a huge deal out of it. I also respect the general public where I know that menstruation and purchasing products is a very taboo thing, particularly when there’s a male presence. Therefore I still try to ensure that the people around me aren’t affected by undue pressure or embarassment. I picked up my cell phone while standing in front of the Tampax bin and quietly, but audibly asked one of my girls if she needed tampons. A few heads turned and because this was in the open-floor and not the aisle (because they were in bargain sections, not in the usual feminine hygiene “corner”), there were young, old, male, female and everyone in between who took a double-take to what I said over the phone. I know I’m Asian, but I also didn’t shout in my phone, but in such a tight environment because of such a busy day, people were close enough to hear. I remember my exact words, “Hey [friend’s name], I’m at Walmart right now and I noticed they have some Tampax Supers on sale… the umm.. cardboard ones, are you interested in me getting some for you?

The looks I received, I couldn’t quite make out the thoughts running through people’s heads. I know that people depending on upbringing, age and culture, all see male-participation in menstruation very differently. I know for one thing my dad would go with my mom to buy these products, but would not carry them and would often tell my mom to stop swinging her bags if they had pads in them, because it would attract too much humiliating attention. Likewise, the older guys in my family would definitely not even be present to buy such products or even recognize the existence of feminine hygiene supplies. For me, periods are something to be loved, cherished and an opportunity for us guys to show a bit of care and extra pampering. Suffice to say, my friend said she was actually running low and would love it if I could buy a few boxes for her and she’d pay me back. While some finished looking, others pretty much watched me and listened in on the entire conversation I had over the phone… perhaps they were interested in why I seem to have no gripes about buying tampons so openly or that I would be the one to initiate an offer to my friend if she needed some. I smiled and said, “Sure. After I get them, I’ll drop them off in an hour or so, is that ok?” and then the call ended. I picked up 4 boxes, cradled them in my arm and walked around for a bit more before going to checkout and getting in my car.

Throughout that time, I asked myself, when people looked at me, was it a look of disgust, jealousy or even perversion? There’s been a few times when I’ve had female sales clerks or cashiers, that they seemed pleasantly surprized seeing my proactiveness or just willingness to carry around pads/tampons without sheltering them. On the occasion where the staff are feeling brave, they’ve even commented on how “lucky your girlfriend or wife must be” even though there are times I were buying them for myself, for one of my girls or whatnot. Surely, I know bebe appreciates that I can openly purchase these products with her and that she never needs to be afraid to ask me to buy them, or buy them in my presence. Ask yourself, the last time you saw a guy buying feminine hygiene products: what were your thoughts? Was it, “ewww, that’s so gross…” or “Aw, that’s nice of him…” or “Gee, I wonder what he does with those..”

If you’re an Always or Tampax fan and have access to a Walmart, the sale ends in 2 days so get them quick!

Rarity: Women Who Love Their Period?

Having spoken to many women before, I have to admit that it is a rarity to hear them say that they actually enjoy having their period. Certainly, women do have their fair share of inconveniences and pains, so I’m not surprized that some, if any, would be excited over their monthly visitor. There are of course those very lucky women who have little discomfort or inconvenience when they get their periods. For instance, one of my god-sis is quite fortunate to be one of them, with a very light menstrual flow and a short period, usually only 2-3 days per cycle. Her pad and tampon consumption is very low and her period has never once debilitated her enough from carrying on her normal lifestyle. There is beauty in menstruation, because not only does it signify the beauty of the female body maturing, but also giving ladies the responsibility of taking care of your personal hygiene by bringing the proper amount of product(s) with you! Maybe that’s why, women are much better at taking care of their bodies (and even in general) than men are capable of 😛

There are however, women who I spoken to who suffer from PCOS, period-related anemia and even sometimes just bad cramps/heavy flow that it severely disrupts their lifestyle, preventing them from attending class, going to work or even something as simple as going out for a walk. One experience I had personally was that one of my ex’s had such a bad period that she didn’t even want to go to the mall with me, in fears that she would need to change her feminine hygiene product urgently that she didn’t even want to endure the car ride or the possibility of not being close enough to a washroom and prevent a leak. Just like anything in life, there will always be women on either ends of extremes. I’m glad my bebe has a fairly normal menstrual experience, although it’s a bit longer than I would usually expect, as usually her cycle is into the 40-ish day ranges.

To put it into words, women have just learned to cope with their periods, but not necessarily embrace it. I cannot say I even know half of the feeling of what women go through during their periods and nor am I a psychologist, so I cannot say how easy/hard it would be to truly ‘love’ ones period. As a period-lover, I also can’t imagine not loving periods, despite the pains involved, so I may not be the person who can accurate describe how to help others change their mentality towards their own (or other females) period. Suffice to say, with women commonly in the workforce, many of them are forced to cope with their period at work, even if they may be highly affected by discomfort, pain or hygienic inconveniences. I wish from the bottom of my heart that every woman can have a pleasant and comfortable period, but unfortunately that dream for me is unlikely to come true. I know girls who have passed out from the pain of their period or have to use both an overnight pad and ultra tampon just to avoid leakage.

A few of my girls do enjoy their period, but not so much the menstruating factor, but more of the fact it gives them an opportunity to test new products, including ones which I suggest or recommend. I’ve had a few female readers send me complimenting emails on how they look forward to their period because they have been inspired to try new products every period as a result of reading my blog. One of my regular reader also tells me she looks forward to her period every month as she enjoys trying a variety of pads and tampons. Both of us amusingly, stock up excessively on the number of products, haha. We both wish there was a way to quickly go through all the products, that way, we can move on and try something new!

This blog exists not only to encourage men to learn and embrace menstruation, but also in hopes that the ladies will enjoy having their period and see it as an opportunity each time it comes along. I understand it’s hard for those who suffer from menstruation or menstrual-related disorders to view their period in the same way, but we can only make the best of each period! I know I’ve accomplished quite a bit with this blog and continue to hope I can touch the lives of my readers, because I’ve receive much positive feedback on how the blog has allowed them to view menstruation from a whole other angle. Persuasion is indeed a hard thing, particularly because it’s hard for me to put myself in place of a female who has experienced what periods feel like, including the “negativity” that surrounds periods. I had a lengthy discussion with a friend the other day about her period and it was tough for me to try to convince her that her period is a great part of her life. Unfortunately she suffers from some pretty wacky stuff with her period, so it’s hard for me to persuade her to enjoy her period in any way. On the bright side, I’ve got her to try a new product that she never tried before, so I’m trying to open up the doors for her to feel more comfortable with her period and get something positive out of it.

Do you or do you know women in your life who enjoy their period or perhaps even learned to love it?

Opening Up About Menstrual Interests

Having been almost a year and a half since I started this blog, I’ve received lots of comments both on-site and as well as through IM and email. People often ask,  how is it that I can be so open about a topic that is not native to my biological gender? Easy, it is an interest! With that said, the topic itself should not be embarrassing or shameful to tackle, as menstruation and is wonderful and mystical element of the female body. Women may not bond over the fact they share breasts, a vagina or long hair – but, many sisterhoods are formed over a common ground, their periods and naturally bleeding body. Suffice to say, one of my god-sis’ best friend was actually formed inside the women’s bathroom in high school. How could that happen? Simple, she lent one of her tampons to someone she didn’t know who was begging for one. After 7 years, they still remain close friends, despite facing the trials of life, finishing post-secondary, getting a job and working on starting their “adult” life – all through the small act of lending out a tampon. While this may be a rare circumstance to have such a friendship formed, it is but a simple example of the bond formed through an act of kindness over the pains and unfortunate appearance of menstrual flow.

Regularly speaking to my female friends and some male community members over the fascination of menstruation, I have come to realize that particularly for guys, opening up to fellow friends or a female partner is a daunting situation. Particularly in the case of a female partner, whether a girlfriend or wife, I think it’s necessary that two people are able to speak keenly about their own interests, both personality-wise and sexually. After all, if two people are in it for the long-run, why should they not know everything about their other half? Being able to share things openly with each other is an essential part of a functional relationship. Every girl I’ve been with in a romantic relationship knows about my menstrual interests, because I think it should be fair I can share it with them and fair that they need to be aware of it. There needs to be acceptance both ways, the fact that I fee lcomfortable enough to share such intimate details with them and also that they can accept my interest. Accepting in my mind, does not necessarily mean participating in my interest, but simply allowing me to “do my own thing” so to speak. Also, because this interest, generally speaking, is not something of destructive nature I believe wholeheartedly that it should not be something to cause alarm. For instance, if I were to start using illegal drugs, it would definitely be in any girlfriend or wife’s place to say STOP IT, but she should have no right to TELL me to stop. Suffice to say, if bebe asked me today to give up my interest in menstruation, I probably could because of my love and devotion to her that I would be willing to make such a sacrifice. With that said, it doesn’t mean any male or female should have the right to demand that the other person suppress their right to have a menstrual interest, despite whether they want to “take part” in it.

How did I approach the girl’s I’ve been with about my menstrual interests? Well, I would not be able to answer that in any concrete way, because just like any individual, each girl had a differently personality type, predisposed openness to menstruation and comfort level with their own body. I definitely found the girls who had the most comfort with their own body and open-minded personality that they adapted easily to my interest, including ones who even LOVED my passion with menstruation. Each girl is different so I can say for sure that the way I introduced my interests to Girl #1 is definitely differently compared to Girl #2. As I’ve mentioned before, I never had any girls in my life (who I shared a romantic relationship with that is) who did not at bare minimum accept my love for menstruation. Even bebe with her semi-frigidness seems willing to accept my interest in it and try to share herself with me when it came to such discussions. While she is far from being as enthusiastic as my ex over it, her efforts to do so make it extra heartwarming. Sharing such an interest comes with great danger, because it may very well make or break a relationship – or even – friendship. Remember that even in such an “advanced” and “modern” society, many people still ‘have a problem’ when it comes to the subject of menstruation.

Yes, I agree that menstruation, especially one’s OWN menstrual cycle is a personal detail, many people take it beyond the fact that it’s just “personal” – but the fact they themselves resent it or feel disgusted by it. I have no problem with a girl feeling exposed or that she rather keep her menstrual details to herself, but those who feel that their menstrual cycle is shameful is where the ‘problem’ occurs. Just like our sex-lives, some like to share, some do not, but one should not shelter information about periods for the wrong reasons. With each of the girls I’ve had a relationship with, I took many different approaches and anecdotes, with some I could literally blurt out, “Oh by the way, I love periods” and other ones, where I had to play little games of injecting hints over a period (heh) of time.

One thing is for sure, before any one considers telling their partner or someone about their own interests in menstruation, you really have to “feel out” the other person. What kind of person are they, do they seem receptive of such information? What do you have to gain from them knowing, but also, what costs are involved should it fail? The best way is usually to try to engage them in “period talk” of sorts by somehow directing a conversation towards that subject. If the person veers the conversation away, it may mean they’re very sensitive towards that topic, in that case, I would be very cautious about expressing open interest. Likewise, if they engage in that subject and also seem passionate about it, you may have a green light. These are NOT set-in-stone rules, because while a girl might be open about menstruation or even her own menstrual information, she may not always be accepting of you being interested in menstruation. I remember one conversation with a girl I had who would participate strongly in any conversation about menstruation, including divulging many of her own experiences and intimate details of her, but when I ‘tested the waters’ on how she would react to know that a male was interested in periods, she furrowed her eyebrows. Therefore, one must be cautious about indications of openness to menstruation, in alignment with the whether it shows true openness (to all genders) or whether the openness is present under the consideration that it is a “female-only topic”.

While I would love to share my interest of menstruation, there are some girls who are simply object to men knowing anything about periods, let alone be interested in them. It’s up to you to decide whether it is worthwhile to consider pursuing the chance to open the topic or whether it is best to never touch upon it again. Furthermore, you have to ask yourself, if this is a woman who you are interested in, would you be able to go the rest of your life without expressing your interests or perhaps, even suppressing them? Of course I am not saying just because the girl doesn’t share the same love or acceptance to menstruation doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be with her, but you just have to consider the long-term impact and your own willpower. After all, there are several members even of Kayo’s community who has admitted that for years they have sheltered their own fetish and interest in menstruation in fears of that it would affect their romantic partners. Opening up to your partner about your love for menstruation is hard, particularly if every aspect of the relationship is “right” that you don’t want to risk the loss of such relationship over your own passion.

While I do not restrict the knowledge of my love of menstruation to girls I date, I definitely keep it close-knowledge because girls that I’ve known for a long-time and built a solid relationship with, or girls like my god-sis’. Also, with each girl, you can get an idea of their comfort level to the degree of which they are willing to share about menstruation, whether in general or about their own bodies. I suppose I’ve achieved comfort in a lot of these girls because they share the most intimate details about their periods with me and sometimes when we’re out, they won’t even say something like, “I need to use the washroom” – they’ll be like, “Hey, I gotta go change my pad!” and that’s just totally cool with me 😛 I have to say though, when it comes to girls I’ve dated or am dating, I also “restrict” the amount of information I share with them based on what I perceive to be their comfort level. Even with bebe, as much as I love her and want to be with her for the rest of my life, there are still some reservations that I make when it comes to my interest in periods with her. Timing and comfort-over-time is a very large factor when it comes to how little/how much you reveal and with proper timing.

Writing this entry, I’m hardly saying I’ve “perfected the art of revealing my menstrual interests” – but with a handful of relationships and 2 serious ones under the belt, I can say I’ve had at least ‘experience’ with displaying my interests of menstrual within the scope of a relationship. Having girls who appreciate my passion in menstruation is a really wonderful feeling and for the guys who share similarities like this with me, I can definitely tell you it is a liberating feeling being able to tell trusted friends and the special person in your life about your own passion. While such interests differs from hobbies like playing basketball, interest in menstruation can still be a respectful interest and with much to learn about. Remember that loving menstruation isn’t just about benefiting yourself, but also about the benefit of others. With knowledge about menstruation, one can better themselves by knowing that when a girl is angry, it isn’t a matter of her (not always at least) PMS’ing or that she’s “on the rag” and knowing the realities and separating the myths of what menstruation is about. It’s about using your love and education in menstruation, that you may be able to help girl-friends, girlfriend and/or wife to cope with her changing needs over the years. With your love of menstruation, you should help your fellow females feel comfortable with menstruation in generality and personally. It is your love of menstruation that in the most painful times of need, that you are there to support your friends and lover and to help them overcome obstacles in their periods and throughout the rest of their lives.

Remember that knowledge of menstruation comes with great responsibilities in knowing that what other women may confide in you when it comes to their period, they may not want to share with the whole world. I am lucky to say, many of the girls who I associate with and who share many details about their own experiences and regular monthly habits, that they openly share with me and feel ok that I share it with the world at-large. Of course since I rarely define names in my posts, I still hold the information which they provide me with in highest regards and if a girl is open enough to share these details with you, that you return the favour of their secrecy. I always welcome passer-byers and regular visitors alike to share their own stories, comments or feedback with me, on the blog or by other methods of contact. I hope you enjoy reading this blog, as much as I love writing it!

4 Years Ago

4 years ago this day, my dad passed away in the morning peacefully at the hospital. These past 4 years, you could say “has not passed slowly” nor “has passed quickly”. In midst of this death, our family has found happiness even in his absence. In midst of his death, our family has also endured many trials and obstacles.

With that said, it was also just Father’s Day a weekend ago where we went to visit my Dad’s spot at the cemetery (I say “spot” because it isn’t a grave, it is indoors). Do I miss him? Absolutely. However, I do not relish on the fact he’s not here, but rather, try to live everyday in his memory and that he gave life to me and raised me to be the person I am today for a reason and that despite all the problems that I may endure, that I carry forth in his honour. However, because the week prior to Father’s Day, bebe gave me the talk, I was near-tears when I was sitting in front of my Dad, asking him to bless bebe and I in our relationship, that may we make the right decisions and give us the strength to make this relationship happen. I told my Dad I love bebe very much and hope that she will feel the same soon. I asked my Dad why I have always been such a good person in my life that I have to be punished sometimes by the pains of emotions. Bebe is not a punishment for me, but the obstacles bebe and I face are tough, but my love for her has made me virtually impervious to failure. Each time I fall, I stand up again. I almost cried in front of my Dad, pleading with him that I care for bebe very much and I’d love nothing more right now than for him to give us our best wishes and blessings from above that bebe will find it in herself to truly accept me as a boyfriend one day.

It is hard to imagine, that despite my own Father’s death, I have only shed tears at his bedside, but not as his funeral nor post-funeral. I have shed many more tears for bebe and I, than I ever had for my Dad. I am not sure whether it is guilt I feel, that I feel so strongly over a girl in my life than my own father. However, anyone knows me well will know this is NO indication that I do not love or will continue loving my father. I begged my Dad to help me be the rightful person, a good caring guy and a loving person towards bebe and that each action is guided by him to help bebe understand and love who I am and so that I can finally express my undying love for bebe as well. I know I am not a perfect person, but if I am anything like my father, one day, I will be able to touch bebe’s heart. I wonder to myself though, why can I hold in my tears when it comes to my father’s death, but find it so hard to contain myself when I stress and despair over bebe. Nevertheless, as Poh Ching keeps on telling me, I need to be the one to stay positive, to guide bebe through a learning-of-love process and to be there when she needs me. I cannot be so greedy as to only want things from bebe, but not be considerate of the pace at which she wants to move. I need to refrain from placing pressures from her or at least act in such a way where she does not see my innocent actions as being pressure.

Each night I have a habit of praying and whether or not there are beings beyond the living, I have faith that the Heavens, ancestors and Dad can hear my plead for their blessings for right now other than my family’s good health, my bebe is the most important person in the world to me. I love her sincerely and although we may fall and stumble many times, my love for her will never die, just like the love for my dearly departed father and ancestors before him – for today, our family is in good health, reasonably well-off and have an upright status within society because of what they have done and what they have left us.

Today, this will be my only post on this blog and I will cease to reply to any pending, existing or coming comments/entries until tomorrow as I dedicate these hours of silence to my father.

Happiness is Clearly Hard to Hide

So I just got back to work, after spending about 3 hours with my bebe. The past few days walking into work, other than looking like a dump from being sick, I was asked by several of the girls at work, “Why the mopey look on your face?” … and THREE of them used the exact same expression, mopey. I rather like “mixing it up” when it comes to time we spend together, because for weeks we would see each other once on Saturday for the whole day. I’d much rather be more of a “dynamic” couple, seeing each other maybe on a set day + random days and random times. Of course it’s kind of hard since I have to play by her schedule a lot due to her awkward sleeping patterns, but on the occasion she will wake up early for me which is always a treat, like today! I do like Saturdays because it’s flexible, the next day isn’t a work day, giving us time to spend as little or as much time that is fitting. Nevertheless, having something to look forward to mid-week makes days so much better and removes the monotony of a work-week.

I just walked back into my office and it wasn’t like I acted any differently, but the girls were just out at the back door enjoying the summer weather and they were all teasing me about looking like “life has been brought back to me” as just a few hours ago when they saw me, I looked like shit. Since I never tell people where I’m going (especially when I sneak off with bebe during an unclaimed work-day), they were all like, “Gee, you look so happy you look like you just finished having sex with your girlfriend” and they teased me for a good few minutes, making me totally red in the face. Suffice to say, bebe and I didn’t just finish having sex, although we did finish having lunch, LOL. As different as the pleasure may be between sex and food, it still made me a new man. I feel renewed and yes, I’m still coughing my lungs up, but deep down inside I’m quite happy.

We went to check out a local employment centre I was recommended to seek by some co-workers, so she applied to a couple of jobs. Today I was really trying hard to be on my best behaviour, I by “best” – I mean trying to avoid her feel under pressure. As she was doing her forms, I walked away to give her space rather than breathing down her neck and I made sure I was distant enough where she wouldn’t feel like I’m monitoring what she’s doing. I kept myself occupied for quite a while until she finished her initial stages of the application. The second phase was to search for jobs in the binder that suited what she wanted and also that she had the experience to fill. I sat next to her and grabbed a different binder to read through the jobs for my own interest while she browsed and filled out the applications to specific jobs. As we finished up, we left the building and decided where to go for lunch.

We opted for something close-by and ended up going to eat Vietnamese food. We had some decent conversations in the car and at the restaurant and she even took the initiative to start a conversations while driving, which was very nice for once! As we neared the end of the meal, I was trying to finish up my coffee quickly since I could tell she was getting antsy. Of course it was also hard for me to rush it because it was slow-filter coffee and I was already pushing down on the filter to get the water to run through it quicker. It was even annoying for me waiting for my drink to be prepared while bebe had to sit there and fiddle since there wasn’t much to do or look at, so I don’t blame her. Waiting while someone’s drink is slowly filtering isn’t very exciting, lol. I know she was trying to pay, so I had to make sure I was prepared. I did let her pay the extra coins at the end and the tip, but just she was trying to be all “independent” this time, she insisted on pouring her own tea and stuff. I’m not sure whether she’s just trying to contribute or she wants to create this ‘separation’ and shit like that… or perhaps I’m too babying of her? Oddly enough Poh Ching and I are just talking about babying girls and stuff since it’s the right thing for a guy to do ^__^

Poh Ching has the same funny (well, if you want to call it funny) issues with her boytoy right now and I do with bebe, trying to bring that nice “dependence” together and removing that “guilt” of doing something for each other. Likewise, when I do things for bebe, she shouldn’t need to feel guilty as if she’s using me or that she finds it “hard to accept” that a guy would enjoy and feel honoured to do something on her behalf. I actually enjoy doing things for bebe, whether it’s giving her a massage, helping her run errands or doing things around the house… I think all the years of independence and feeling as if it’s a “weakness” to need someone else to help you has been drilled into her too much. Some girls see a guy feeding her as being stupid or if she’s crippled – other girls see a guy feeding her as being romantic and emotion-generating. Bebe likes to point out to me a lot that she doesn’t want me to think that she’s using me because of the things I do for her and really, I don’t believe that she does/would use me – she’s just not that type of person. Furthermore, let’s just say IF she is using me, I’d still be more than willing (and perhaps some may claim foolish) to LET her use me, because it makes me feel good either way. Yes yes, love is blind and sometimes stupid, haha 😆

Even though we cut the date short today, I transferred a movie to her which she wanted me to get so she can watch on her own. I did also ask whether she wanted help with anything else in which she responded “yes” (yay) and gave me a few extra minutes to be with her and show her I care! I would say that after all the kerfuffle we had on Saturday, today went pretty good. The smile she gave me even when I walked through the door was super nice and I think she’s just a bit embarrassed about what she said/happened more than I am. I try to be one of those “forgive and forget” type of person, I might be boiling in the heat-of-the-moment but I can’t stay mad at her long. I also dislike carrying grudges and stuff like that, unless it’s a major incident, so usually by the next time I see someone, I act as if nothing negative has happened at all and that’s how I approached her this time. Obviously in her mind she may think how terrible and awkward it might be to see each other so soon, but everything felt just like normal for me, although I had to resist the urges to put my hands on her.

Again, I tried hard to respect her need for space and I’m not sure how she viewed my actions. Perhaps she may misunderstand that I’m angry or upset with her and that’s why I try not to stay parallel with her or something or that I walk away from things. If I’m by her, I’ll feel the need to hold her or ‘take care’ of her or something like that. At least if I walk in front or behind (preferably in front), I don’t have that physical proximity to her and also trying to avoid making HER feel pressured. I don’t want to appear “standoff-ish” by being too distant, I’m only trying to give her that space she needs before she feels comfortable enough again to be ‘closer’ to me. Of course I don’t explicitly tell her these things, so I only hope that she understands what I’m trying to do. I guess I can’t determine this time whether the hug felt the same, after all, there’s germs all over my body and I’m not sure whether she kept it short and distant because of that or whether she still feels shy about that whole conversation we had. Either way, I’m just darn happy we got to see each other and that she’s still allowing me to see her.

My heart feels a lot better now that I see that she’s “ok” with things and that we can stand hang around each other. I am of course hoping that it was the whole germs/coughing thing that kept her away, since even the last time before I left her place after she gave me ‘the talk’ (lol, I’ve named it that, haha), she gave me a super tight and sweet hug, so it wouldn’t make sense for her to be more distant this time than last. I do have a pretty bad cough, so I wouldn’t doubt that she wants to stay healthy herself and I shouldn’t be too blaming over that! I just get mixed signals from her because it’s like she ‘motioned’ for the hug since she put down the things she was holding that way she could embrace me, so it was a situation of almost like half-wanting it, half-not. Again, trying to understand women is like trying to define the meaning of life, haha. Ok, rather than me dwelling on something small like our hug, I’m just going to concentrate on these hurdles we have to get through. I figured this would be a good week to give to herself, so we’ve postponed activities to next week, particularly when I’m feeling good enough where I’m not coughing so hard it makes me want to pee myself.

As I was leaving, she whispered that she hopes that I, “Get well soon…” which made me melt completely. Because bebe is not a particularly expressive person and she doesn’t like it when she has to explicitly express herself,for her to choke out something like that is hard for her. Over time, this has been something that I’ve just adopted to, I used to try her to get her to say things rather than just implicitly doing something. Just like last time when she returned into city because she wanted to spend time with me and her period started (which she knows I love), I asked her, “Did you return for me?”… I know she did, but I asked because some things I “like to hear”… to the contrary, she’s one of those people who like to, “Do it and not be high-profile over it.” She kind of reminds me of the way my dad loved the family, he’d do all sorts of things that showed he loved us, but would never wear it on the corner of his lips. My mom on the other hand (who I follow after when it comes to this type of stuff) like to be “reminding” of the things. As I was walking away and she said that, I turned around to ask her what she said (because I had my bluetooth headset plugged in already which cancels out exterior noise) and she repeatedly it very quietly with that shy/embarrassed look on her face. It almost killed me and I could’ve fainted on the street, LOL! I acted very nonchalant, said thank you and continued walking, but deep down inside I felt like that happiest person ever, haha. Although being sick from all this stuff that’s happened isn’t exactly great, but just to hear those words-of-care made it all worth while!

I know that working our way up again will be hard, just like any other time, but there’s one thing that’s for sure is that this is a great experience for both of us, because it not only makes our relationship stronger, but also gives us that endurance to know that life is not meant to be easy and that with HOPE, PERSISTENCE and LOVE, it is able to overcome the most troubling things that life can throw at us. Initial failure is kind of like our body’s immune system. When never subjected to infection, germs and bacteria – a single illness would make us gravely ill or on our deathbed. When a person is subjected to safe amounts of immunization, infection, germs and bacteria, our body becomes stronger and can deal with sickness better. As hard as trying to make this relationship work has been, I’m sure BOTH of us know very well that if we are able to make it past these rough stages, it’ll all work out in the end and be extremely rewarding. I think it’s with that “vision” of success which helps us stand up every time we fall. I’m very lucky and blessed to have a girl like bebe in my life and if there’s anything that I feel lucky to have in this life besides my family, is her!

I just stepped out to the washroom as I was typing this post and the girls at work are still grinning at me from knowing that I must’ve had a wonderful time with my bebe to return to work in such a cheery mood! They’re right though about happiness being hard to hide. For the guys and maybe the “experienced” girls who know men well, for a few days I actually had “problems” getting excited over bebe… in fact, I felt no motivation to satisfy myself. However, I can already feel excited over bebe again and that my heart it once again filled with JOY and I feel RELAXED. I’m sure those who know, a guy usually will need something very devastating to happen in his life before he loses the will to “enjoy himself” – because most guys enjoy that very much! To not be able to do that indicates some severe problems and now that I feel that sigh-of-happiness to sit back and fantasize about my sweetheart again, I know that my body is slowly returning to normal and along with bebe’s well wishes, I feel like I can battle the world 🙂

More Dangerous Than Drunk Driving

Yes, lack of attentiveness due to sleepiness or concentration is the same/worse than drunk-driving. Driving Under the Influence usually lowers reaction time of the driver and thus, making a driver more prone to mistakes while operating a vehicle. Likewise, being sleepy or not concentrating on the task at hand i.e, driving – one is also equally or if not at greater risk than someone who is affected by drugs/alcohol. It isn’t like I “didn’t know this” or this was some stark revelation, but is also the first time I’ve ever felt affected by it.

As my previous blog entry stated, I’m in bad shape today because of something that has affected my mood and sleeping ability for the past night. Although I slept last night, it was not the usual great slumber I get and even towards the morning, I woke up every 10-15 minutes. I’m one of those people that under normal circumstances, once my head hits the pillow I’m out cold and don’t wake up until the moment my alarm clock rings. There have been plenty of times I have stayed up late but have not suffered from the same consequences, so it isn’t a matter of just that I did not sleep at regular hours or get enough time, since in all reality, I still got 7 hours which is a relatively healthy amount of rest per day. Nevertheless, with my mind and heart unsettled, it is hard for me to actually absorb the sleep and allow my body to be at full potential in the morning.

I knew I was tired since the morning, having driven to a client’s house and on the way back I noticed myself yawning, but surely, the bright sun outside allowed me to stay awake. I acknowledged that I was tired, but I just didn’t expect I was as drained as I thought. Because I consider myself a fairly conscientious driver, I’ve always avoided driving when I know I’m not “fit” for it, particularly if I’m in a bad mood or can’t concentrate properly – because driving is a privilege and it’s necessary to respect not only your own life, but the life of others on the road as your actions may have devastating consequences. Today, unlike the usual me, I ignored my body’s need to rest and recover from anxiety and over-thinking. My heart has been out-of-whack today, digestive system in an unknown state and concentration is like me staring out into space. It’s kind of like a drunk driver, ‘knowing’ that he/she is drunk, yet believing that they are still in the condition to drive. (Not that I have ever been drunk and driven before, so these are just assumptions of their perception)

On the way out to Scarborough after picking up my mom at home, there was a major traffic jam which lead to a lot of people hard-braking to prevent collision. I managed to stop last-minute, narrowly avoiding slamming into the vehicle in front of me. I’m one of those drivers who “look far ahead” and I consider myself pretty good at predicting my speeds to prevent the need for gassing quickly/braking hard. When my car stopped just maybe a car length away from the vehicle in front of me, my mom questioned me as to why it took me so long, because she’s used to me being able to stop ‘comfortably’ without slamming on the brakes. She could tell I was not fully concentrating and began to worry. I too began to worry, since we were already half-way there and neither turning back or proceeding ahead would have made much difference. We arrived safely at our relatives house nevertheless, with much blessings received.

On the way back, another completely visible slow-down ahead and I could barely react. There’s just too much on my mind or perhaps, it was maybe because my mind was empty, empty of the fact that I’m even driving to begin with. Again, I stopped the car with a hard-brake, but also had to keep a close eye on the vehicle behind me whether they could stop in time or I had to react-otherwise just to prevent someone who could not stop in time behind me. We arrived safely at home, but my mom could tell that today was definitely not a day where I should have been driving and in fact, she yelled at me for being so inattentive today, despite my normal tendency to be a very cautious and by-the-books driver.

As the car was coming to a stop, I kind of felt glorified in just not holding down the brakes and just letting it ride. Perhaps on-impact I would just fly through the windshield, end up in opposite traffic and get run over, a quick and preferably painless death. However, I could not be selfish, my mom was in the car with me and it is no desire of hers to die. Sometimes I can be quite morbid in the way I think whether I feel like life is not worth living and yes, when it comes to a life where bebe’s love for me is in question, I do think whether or not my existence will bring me happiness. Interestingly, I’m afraid of dying, I’ve had horrible dreams about dying and that death is something I wish I could forever avoid. While we do know that is not possible, why is it now that I actually feel it is RELIEVING to do so? I think of a life, without bebe, how could I possibly do without her? Why is it that despite so much pain I’m causing her, I insist that she continues to try? I do believe love does conquer all and that the pain she suffers now from forcing herself to be with me, will pay off and that she will feel that all she put into making this relationship work, was worth it. I know that “in the moment” – we can both think that this is nuts we would even push ourselves to a future that we cannot yet see or believe-fully in, however, we should also both know that there is an infinite amount of satisfaction to accomplishing this, even if what we feel now is suffering, confusion, stress, anger, annoyance, dissatisfaction and self-blame. Love has proven from centuries to centuries, that it is the one sole thing in this world that if anything, is capable of invoking the greatest changes that a person could ever think they would be capable of enduring.

It’s hard to persuade someone that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Tell a person who’s dying of cancer that there “it is possible that you will beat it!” and it’s the same thing for me to tell bebe that this relationship will work out as long as we believe in it. A person’s belief that something good will come out of an immediate and horribly poor situation will give them the power to push through. Each time I falter or each time bebe questions me as to where this is headed and where I feel it may truly be heading nowhere, I also deep down believe in our fate together forever and thus, giving me the power to face adversity. There were things that I once thought whether I would actually do for bebe and as I grow to love her more each day, I realize that there is little extent I would not go to help this relationship grow and flourish.

I know that it was my fault for triggering the onset of events that caused bebe to be less-than-happy with me and that the stress got to her. The day was going fine until I tried to over-extend it and push her comfort level, nevertheless, I still think despite both of us trying to keep our heads above the water and concentrate on all good that will come from this, we also don’t dismiss the reality that failure is a possibility. However, it is with our hopes and determination which will bring us along the way. When something goes wrong in the relationship, rather than blaming ourselves for our shortcomings, we should see it as an extra hurdle and challenge to reach the other side of happiness.

Let’s leave off the night with:

Where there is hope, there is life. Because, when someone loses hope in life, it (life) has no meaning left for him/her. With hope, one can live and aspire to have good things in life. So, one should never lose hope and enjoy the beautiful gift of life in the best possible way ! – Ravi

In order for me to continue making the best out of my life and to make it have meaning, I will continue to hope and seek happiness for the girl of my dreams, my bebe and that I can aspire to be a better person, whom someone she can love and be at-ease with. Whether that is in a month, a year or 10 years from now, I will not look back and feel my effort has been wasted, despite the outcome, because whether we pass or fail with each other, at least the time I spent doing it was something that gave me hope, happiness and the meaning of life.

%d bloggers like this: