I’ve been thinking lately, I’m pretty embarrassed over my own feelings for bebe. No, I don’t doubt my devotion to her, but rather, my feelings for her have grown.. uh… rather strong. Until a while ago, I’ve had pretty strong emotions for bebe and stuff, but I’ve always tried to suppress my “other” feelings for her. My feelings for her not only have gone from emotional, but even now physical/sexual. When I say I feel sexual towards her, it doesn’t mean I want to throw her on the bed and start having my way with her, but it means I get excited by the thought of her.I know these are pretty normal feelings, particularly for a guy… but it’s embarrassing for me.
Bebe, unlike other girls I’ve been with, isn’t one who is the touchy-touchy type or enjoy physical intimacy in a relationship. Hopefully in time I’ll break that barrier and she’ll not only “accept” physical intimacy, but also embrace and enjoy it. I’ve been so happy with how things are going between us lately… the only thing that has bothered me that I’m trying to get over is what I just spoke about, the lack of physical comfort. Even when I talk about just wanting to hug her… she gets all quiet on me or just ignores me. It makes me hurt a bit, but then I keep reminding myself she just needs to experience once before she knows how comforting it is. I mean hugging isn’t exactly a “oh-my-god, he did what?!!” type of move… I would even dare say that hugs for the most part are not highly-sexual in nature. Bebe still seems very avoiding of physical contact and it sort of bugs me, and I’m sure she’s aware of it… but I want to do as much as possible to melt that barrier. Why is it so hard? I need to understand… sigh.
Nevertheless, I think about how much my feelings for her have grown. One might wonder why being excited over your own girl might be so unusual and it’s not, but when I think of her and become excited, it’s not even because I’m thinking of dirty things about her. I don’t think about her nude, I don’t think about her doing sexy things, I simply think about her and I already get excited and horny over her. WHY?!! I don’t even think sexual thoughts about her, how can I get sexually excited?! I mean, I could completely blame just being male and that’s why, but usually I have to think about a girl sexually before I even get excited, but with bebe, I just think about how beautiful of a person she is, inside and out, that it gets me all riled up over her.
When I talk to bebe, I swear, my eyes glaze over, I get hot inside and I start to swoon over her. She’s SO DAMN HOT… and since when, I ask myself. When I first saw her, I just seen her as “just the average Asian girl”… small, cute and lovable, but I could not recall when I began to just drool over her… I think I need a bib. I’m starting to believe that the way you view physical attraction changes over time as you get to know a person better. Suddenly things about their personality, helps amplify their physical beauty as well… in other words, beauty is also an acquired taste. I hope that in time, I will become more attractive in bebe’s eyes… I’m not even concerned about how others view me now, as long as bebe views me in a positive light. I’m not hoping that she’ll see me as not having any faults, but to learn to love me for who I am. If I can see her as being more beautiful over time, then surely, she can see me as being more handsome over time. I hate to think that because she’s doesn’t “like the way I look” that it prevents her from being physically-close to me.
Some girls also look even hotter when they’re angry and ferocious. I was watching a TVB series today called When Lanes Merge (情越雙白線)… and there’s couple of scenes where she’s angry and ferocious, she looks so frigging amazing. Bebe can look a mixture of scary and totally drooltastic when she has her “angry look” on… 😆 – In all reality, I think I can find perfection in every look she has, haha… could be her best or her worse and I still say it’s great XD
So tomorrow, I’m finally headed out on a beautiful 18-hour flight to Hong Kong. I’m excited to see my family! On the topic of my blog, I’ve already marked a few feminine hygiene items worthy of purchase and testing while I’m there 😀 In fact, this week there is a Kotex Whites Slim w/ Wings XX-Long on sale @ ParkNShop ($20.90HKD/pack) this week which I’m hoping to get a chance to snatch up before it ends! I’ll be hunting for some good deals so I can test them while I’m there and also, I’m sure my friend Amy has some presents waiting for me already 😆 I already know that as I mention this, she is going to ask me “Is Bebe going to buy some for you when she comes back?!!” ‘cuz she’s been asking for a while, haha. Well, I guess we’ll find out whether bebe remembers to get me a souvenir (although very different than what most people get, LOL)… I’ll update as soon as I get a chance, especially if I get some pictures of Asia’s superior pads/tampons! 🙂 Cheers and enjoy your holidays everyone.
So today I didn’t have a particular “subject” to write about.. but rather, will just go over some random thoughts I had in my head, and perhaps some tidbits or information – whatever you want to call it.
Men… we’re pigs, we absolutely are and I’m sure there are the few true gentlemen out there, but for the most of us, including myself probably, we can get pretty vile. Our department in particular is a male-dominated one. I was just out at lunch with my coworkers the other day, mostly middle-aged men and even many being married still have a pretty disgusting mouth for women. I always thought that men would “settle down” after marriage… I mean after all, you have a woman at home, why go bother with others? Apparently I am wrong and if anything, marriage makes a man go even more rotten, lol. Just listening to what come out of guy’s mouth really made me consider how ‘bad’ we are and I’m not trying to play like I was “the nice guy” – but there’s a point where I can tolerate ‘just being a guy’ to downright perversion.
Listening to them talk about women really put a frown on my face… why do guys objectify women so much? It’s like women are just a “prize to be won” and once you win her (e.g marriage), you stick her on them shelf (metaphorically speaking), bring her out for sex once in a while and then go mess around with other women. I have friends of many ages and of different walks of life, often opening my eyes to things I would not, will not or have not experienced. Men… are very visual creatures and we are also very easy. No, women are not easy, WE are… a woman can lure us in like pitiful dogs as they see fit. Men are easy to control, women have a constant carrot (themselves) to dangle for us and we chase after it. Talking to some of my girls, younger, same age or older, the sentiment is that men are easy creatures to control and toy with, especially if you have something they want. Everything gets us horny, no matter how unattractive or whatever a girl may be (from my heterosexual point-of-view). Age is another thing… it seems like at a younger age, you tend of like older women and there comes a point where it just begins to slide backwards and you prefer younger women. I’m glad not many people I know personally read this, but I think I will always love 18 year old girls, no matter how old I get. I’ve talked to quite a few older men and yep, sure enough, most of them as they get older (into their 40’s) shift into liking the younger bodies all over again.
Stick a couple of guys together and you can hear some pretty perverse things. I can’t say I’m innocent and never said anything. I know bebe pretty sensitive about the male-oriented things I say and so I’m extra careful about what I say to her or around her. I don’t think she understands that “it’s just a guy thing” – and that sometimes it’s a strictly a gender-based thing. Suffice to say, these things don’t apply to everyone, but certainly even science has proven attributes that are associated or commonly found in a particular gender. I enjoy hanging out with a mixture of guys and girls, because I think guys are much better behaved when women are around 😛 .. it includes me too, lol!
So last night, I had a sex-dream. This one was really vivid and when I woke up, I seriously couldn’t differentiate reality for minutes. I was thinking whether this was a dream-within-a-dream, whether it truly happened or whether I was awake. I haven’t had a dream like this in ages and it was so damn sexy. I didn’t feel very horny the night before, so I’m not sure what caused it. It was just a regular day at work, didn’t see any super sexy girls or watch anything in particular that would cause it. I’m long past the hormonal puberty stage, or at least I think so, so it was totally unexpected. It wasn’t really a wet dream or anything since it wasn’t well… wet.. (good thing, LOL), but it was pretty hot. I’m not one of those guys who have sex-dreams a lot, probably because it really takes something/someone special to really rile-me-up. I guess it was just one of those nights eh?
So one of my girls who I’ve known for ages the other day finally told me about her habits of “exploring her own body” (and this conversation was not what caused the above dream, since it wasn’t of her). It was kind of funny in the sense that as she was ‘admitting’ it to me that as if I didn’t know it already… it wasn’t exactly a shocking revelation or something and even though she’s never told me so, it wasn’t like I didn’t expect she did. Given all the things that she’s vividly talked about before, there was no way a girl who’s never explored her own body would ever be able to describe certain things and feelings. I could not help but grin because she must take me for being an airhead or something 😆 … I might not be the most perceptive person, but people often say/do things that give things away, hah.
The conversation started as a result of her complaining about how society allows men to openly express their desires and fantasies, while women are suppressed from doing so. Certainly, this is a very old-fashion thing carried forward to this generation – where women were expected to be “pure” and “innocent” – or rather that is not the word I’d use – more like “naive” and “uneducated”. She commented on how unfair it is that if you hear a guy talking about masturbation or the fact that it is “normal” and almost “expected” for males, yet if a girl were to openly express such things, it would automatically turn against her as if she was some perverse girl or nympho. It’s quite unfortunate that many societies still see many natural occurrences in females are still taboo, and on the topic of this blog, menstruation and even female masturbation. So for about 2 hours she sat there and practicality lectured me on all the “inequalities” of expectations of men and women before telling me her “secret” (still makes me laugh she thinks I didn’t know :P) – it’s quite unfortunate such actions by women are stigmatized, yet almost welcomed amongst males.
I left most of the talking to her, only because discussing such a subject in a bubble tea shop didn’t seem very appropriate, haha – least I got a drink out of it! The funniest thing was that at the end she asked me, “So tell me what you do.” and I’m like, “Hell no! Why would I tell someone who’s NOT my girlfriend these things?” lol. I don’t know too many girls who want to know more about me than I know about them! I prefer to keep it where I know more about them XD One thing that I discovered was that apparently it’s quite common for men and women to continue their own habits even after marriage. Honestly, I thought it wasn’t necessary anymore because like, you have each other to have sex with, why do you need to do it yourself? 😛 Guess I was wrong, lol… that’s gotta suck when your partner is not satisfying you though, urg!
So for the past.. oh.. say.. 9 days, I’ve been working on my own business a whole lot. It was like just 2 weeks before I leave for my vacation and honestly, I just had customers literally phone me and tell me their computer was broken or needed some I.T. services. I don’t know whether “life’s like that” because just weeks ago I was complaining about how this year’s business sucked and now all of a sudden over these 9 days, I think I’ve made about 20% of this year’s income. What the hell?!! Shit I’ve been working my ass off to make sure I finish all the work before I leave! It isn’t so much that servicing is super-hard or time consuming, but rather, I’m worried about getting all the parts in before I leave and getting the work done in-time. I have stacks of “to be paid” invoices now sitting in my box and waiting for the cheques to come in so I can clear all the accounts before I leave. On a slightly separate note, the other day I thought about how I should’ve pursued an accounting career so it would be the same as bebe’s, but then Amy pointed out a good point – that it’s better couples DON’T share the same line-of-work, hah, because then you just end up in arguments about doing stuff “the right way.” I’m content with keeping the computers running and I’ll leave the accounting stuff to bebe, lol. If you both work in separate fields, then you don’t have to worry about criticizing each other’s working style, LOL. The only issue is that I know quite a bit about accounting because it was supposed to be my “backup career” in case I couldn’t make it in computing… so now I have to try to wipe my memory of it and leave all the stuff up to her XD – I don’t want to poke my nose into it, haha, as long as I can keep track of my own business stuff and taxes, I’m happy!
And… shit, it’s 2AM, I’m totally going to sleep. Night!
Oh yay, I managed to squeeze something in! The guest are outside watching Ip Man 2, so I had time to do a very small update! 😀
Found this news article… absolutely amazing. I discovered this article as it was posted by “Scoo” @ Kayo’s FF2. All credits and acknowledgments remain that of the article author as I have made no additions/modifications to the content posted in between the quoted areas.
A chandelier made of tampons, entitled “The Bride” and created by Portuguese artist Joana Vasconcelos, hangs at an arts festival in Venice, June 9, 2005. (Chris Helgren/Reuters)
NEW DELHI, India — Not long ago, women in the small south Indian town of Coimbatore were convinced that 47-year-old A. Muruganantham was some kind of pervert.
After a failed attempt with his wife and sisters and a cockeyed do-it-yourself effort with a football bladder full of goat’s blood, he’d finally hit upon a surefire way to test the low-cost sanitary napkin he was developing for India’s poor. He was passing out free pads to college girls and collecting their used napkins for study. And he had a storeroom full of them. When his mother saw it, she burst into tears and packed her things to move in with his sister.
“Everybody claimed I am a psycho, [that] I am using this as a trump card to get close to girls,” said Murugantham, who taught himself English in the course of his research — partly to get past the telephone answering systems he encountered when he called U.S. suppliers. “Before going across that automatic, it will cost 300 and 400 rupees. The moment the operator starts speaking, it will cost 300 and 400 rupees. Then the person will speak in slang English, ‘OK,’ because this is a material that is only used by big companies.”
Nobody thinks he’s a psycho anymore.
In 2006, Muruganantham, a high school dropout, perfected a machine for making low-cost sanitary napkins against all odds. Along the way he’d taught himself English, recruited local college professors to help him draft letters and surf the web for suppliers, worn panties (not to mention a sanitary pad and a football bladder full of blood), and spent many times the cost of his TVS Motors moped on laboratory analyses. He even invented an alter ego to get past the gatekeepers at the U.S. firms that supplied the pine wood-based cellulose — not cotton — that he discovered was the raw material he needed.
“The moment they hear that somebody is calling from some remote place, in India, they will ask, ‘Who are you?’ So I said I am a millionaire in Coimbatore. We are going to start the napkin company, so we want raw materials,” said Muruganantham.
Eventually, he triumphed. Capable of producing around 120 pads per hour, the machine Murugantham developed costs only about $2,500 — a tiny fraction of the hundreds of thousands of dollars that Johnson & Johnson (J&J) and Procter & Gamble (P&G) spend on their plants. And while output of 120 pads an hour hardly offers much in the way of economies of scale, Muruganantham’s invention has created its own business model for small “self help groups” of low-income women — creating jobs that earn them twice what they made as ordinary laborers.
“It is an innovative way of addressing the issue of female hygiene and is accessing a market that the Kotex product made by Kimberly-Clark currently does not access,” said a spokesman for Kimberly-Clark.
But even as Muruganantham has intrigued multinationals, earned accolades from the prestigious Indian Institute of Technology (Madras) and the National Innovation Foundation and inked a deal with the Massachusetts Institute of Technology to supply his machines to women’s self-help groups in Africa, a controversial Indian government scheme threatens to squash his grassroots movement.
According to local newspaper reports, the government is finalizing plans to supply free and “highly subsidized” sanitary napkins to India’s poor. The program is being designed to cover 200 million rural women, using 100 sanitary napkins each per year, at an estimated cost of around $450 million. No details are available yet regarding the supplier, but in India, as in the rest of the world, virtually the only major manufacturers of sanitary napkins are multinationals P&G, J&J and Kimberly-Clark.
“This is a ‘first of kind’ program where public-private partnership is being explored to bring high quality products to rural poor at affordable rates,” said the Kimberly-Clark spokesman. “The proposed model would envisage a complete reworking of the value chain to drive costs down. The intent is for the project to be self sustainable over a period of time. The Indian government is in talks with all the major sanitary napkin manufacturers — and nothing is finalized as yet.”
Muruganantham doesn’t see it that way.
“What I am telling is that if the government permits me we are able without subsidy to provide the napkins,” Murugantham said. “Already, we can make napkins for 1 rupee, 50 paise. If the government comes, we can reduce that by 50 percent.”
And if the government guarantees orders from rural women, the scheme won’t cost the state a penny, Murugantham believes. With orders in hand, the women will be able to get small-business loans from local banks, enabling local entrepreneurs to set up 100,000 manufacturing units across India.
But can a grassroots invention really compete with some of the world’s largest multinational companies?
Because of poverty and social stigmas surrounding menstruation, today, most Indian women use rags or even scraps of gunny sack instead of modern sanitary napkins — which are unavailable or too costly. For the government, this represents a public health crisis, raising the likelihood that millions of women will suffer reproductive tract infections or even cervical cancer. And for the big napkin makers, it represents a huge, untapped market that promises to keep the business growing for decades.
“Realizing the huge business potential of converting the homemade napkin users to branded napkins,” J&J launched its Stayfree Secure brand in India in 1997, and the low-cost product was the largest selling sanitary napkin in the Indian market within four years, according to the company’s web site.
Riding on its Whisper brand, first launched here in 1989, P&G’s feminine hygiene division notched growth of 26 percent last year, according to the company’s annual report, generating sales of around $100 million.
The future lies in cracking the market comprising the urban and rural poor. Describing a partnership with the National Rural Health Mission (NRHM) to teach rural women of Rajasthan about reproductive health — now set to be expanded in Muruganantham’s home state of Tamil Nadu — P&G’s annual report concludes, “Significantly, the program has been able to convert 85 percent of cloth users to sanitary pad users who used WHISPER.”
“P&G and Johnson and Johnson look at this issue merely in terms of sales turnover,” said PC Vinoj Kumar, a crusading journalist. “But as a social entrepreneur Muruganantham’s business model has socio-economic objectives. It creates employment for thousands of rural women, apart from promoting use of sanitary napkins.”
One of the first to discover Muruganantham’s invention, Kumar recently launched a Facebook campaign against the government’s plan to subsidize sanitary napkins, which he suspects will be sourced from one of the three multinationals that control the world market. In March, one of his campaigners filed a Right to Information (RTI) request seeking “copies of all files related to this scheme right from the initiation of the scheme, to any consultations held with any external agencies, the basis on which the scheme was announced and any other relevant details.”
But according to Kumar, the government’s reply simply stated the obvious: “This is to inform you that currently the Ministry, Health & Family Welfare does not have a scheme to provide free sanitary napkins for women living below poverty line. Further, discussions for formulation of the same as well as an assessment of various modalities is taking place in the ministry, after which, the scheme would be proposed.”
In case you’re not fluent in the lingo, that’s bureaucratese for buzz off: The ministry provided none of the files related to the plan or any other details requested under India’s RTI law. Now Kumar plans a letter-writing campaign to approach the president, the prime minister, the health minister and the finance minister and ask them to consider Muruganantham’s proposal before finalizing the free sanitary napkin scheme.
Meanwhile, Murugantham’s not standing still.
His napkin machines are already in place in more than 200 locations across India, where they are empowering local women, and taking the stigma away from menstruation and feminine hygiene by turning it into a lucrative trade. Though many have flourished, some self-help groups have floundered without management expertise — raising doubts whether a legion of grassroots organizations could truly handle the mammoth job of supplying sanitary napkins to the country. But Murugantham argues that if the government supports him instead of P&G or J&J, his machines cannot only solve India’s feminine hygiene crisis but also provide employment for a million women.
That’s radical thinking from the bottom of the pyramid. The question is: Will the government squash it and make a mockery of the much ballyhooed “decade of innovation?”
What an inspiration…. 🙂 I wonder if I’ll ever do something awesome like this, lol. It wasn’t long ago my ex said I should perhaps go work for a feminine hygiene company or design my own pads… I have a feeling if I did, they’d be very good 😆 OK, I have to have an ego sometimes, haha!