Blog Archives

Defeated by PMS

So I’ve always prided myself on being one of those guys that can handle a PMS-situation. With all my ex’s, whenever they were in a bad mood or whatnot, I’d always be able to make the situation feel right or at least “correct” those mood-swings positively. Yesterday was proof that apparently as much as I’ve been able to do wonders with my ex’s, it is not the case for bebe, LOL. Last night was our date night and we had spent a lot of time doing what most people would see as great “couples” activities. First, we went and ran some errands together for her brothers, then we picked up 2 of her friends at home and from a mall. Then we proceeded to go get some bubble tea and we spent a few hours at the place playing cards with those friends.

I was rather happy yesterday, because she’s letting me meet her friends more and more. Out of her group of closest friends, I’ve met 4 of the 5 already – so that makes me very happy because it was always hard for her to introduce me to them. Although I have yet to be introduced as her boyfriend, it’s nice enough just to meet them so they know of my presence in her life. We played cards for quite a while, got a new snack to go along with it and it was nice to see bebe talk to her friends and just “be her.” She asked if I wanted to go, but I saw she seemed to be enjoying playing cards and being with her friends, so I said I didn’t need to go. When bebe went to the washroom, her friends were all “teasing” me and they were like, “Oh, do you want to leave? We will help you…” and when bebe came back, they were telling us it’s ok to go, that we should go shop or whatever, but by then, the movie we had planned on attending was < 1 hour away, meaning we really had no time to effectively do anything. Driving to one of the other major malls (because the one closest to us was closing in 20 minutes) would take a good 15 minutes, which means we’d spend 30 minutes two-way just traveling, so it didn’t seem time-efficient.

I guess our “problem” occurred when both bebe and I were trying to be nice to each other, LOL. I was trying to be nice and not be like I’m pulling bebe away from her friends just because we’re ‘together’ and she was being nice to me by thinking I didn’t want to be the one saying I wanted to leave and be rude, so she kept on asking me if I wanted to go. Truth be told, I actually enjoyed playing cards with her friends, so I really wasn’t just “outwardly being nice” – my intents were genuine that I liked sitting there to do things with her friends. So here is where the clash came in as to her actually wanting to leave because she was getting bored, but I was also trying to be nice/enjoying her friend’s company that I didn’t want to drag her away. I suppose we need to ‘learn’ each others hinting more, haha… because I had thought she thought I was bored and wanted to leave, meanwhile, she was the one who wanted to leave and I didn’t clue into it… tsk tsk!

So we left for the movies and I could tell she wasn’t all too happy. Understandably, she’s been bored for a while just sitting there and playing cards with her friends and I was also fairly quiet in not wanting to try to force conversations in, but still, that shouldn’t warrant me be like I did something terribly wrong though. During the movie, I kept to my side to give her that personal space, because as we all know (lol), how much she likes her “personal space.” – I didn’t bother trying anything with her today because she just didn’t seem like she was in-the-mood. Prior to me picking up her friends, she seemed very cheery with me and stuff, so I guess it was something “inappropriate” I said while we were playing cards that didn’t make her very happy. Again, she never can tell me what the problem is, it’s sometimes frustrating because she doesn’t even seem to understand herself. It seems like there’s these “magical problems” that happen that she can’t define, making a solution to it hard as well.

She was hungry (during) and after the movie, so we proceeded to have dinner. We had some decent conversations at the table, but I could tell she still wasn’t very engaged with me today. I tried to make her day better, cheer her up, but it was clearly not working out. It seemed like no matter what I did or said, it was ‘wrong’ – even despite my best efforts to make the night better. I guess sometimes when it comes to that, she’s not very cooperative… whenever I ask her if I can do anything to make the night better, I never get a response I can act on.. it’s always a closed-end response where I can’t really do anything about it. Suffice to say, that’s just her and I guess if it was my choice to like her, I have to live with it. I sometimes wish she could express herself in a way that it allows me to learn what I can do for her, because it doesn’t give me an opportunity to gauge her feelings & interact with them, so whenever I don’t understand her, I’m not sure if she has a right to actually say I “don’t understand her” since she CLOSES those opportunities for when I do try to understand her.

So as our main-course ended, I decided to shuffle over to the bench-side with her since we sat across from each other. I really really disliked the fact she sat so far from me. I mean sure, the “feel” and the “mood” definitely wasn’t here for the night and was definitely disheartening and saddening, but it has been so long where she’s actually sat that far away from me it was bordering the line of worry, anger and stress. Sure, the night didn’t “go the way we wanted to” – but to sit almost a PERSON of space apart was just too much for me to handle. Every time I moved closer, she’d shuffle a bit farther and I just got so annoyed I pulled her close to me. I even had to make a verbal statement about it and really, I shouldn’t need to do that. When I hold her against me, it feels so natural… but she has yet to act on her natural bodily response either. Sometimes I ask myself, is it better to hold on to her and let her get used to my touch on her or is it better to not hold her once I feel the discomfort so that way she doesn’t feel trapped. It’s such a hard question as to which is “right” since BOTH have its merits.

At some point within our conversation, I jokingly touched on whether I didn’t seem to be able to make her happy tonight was because she was moody and “had PMS” and of course most women would respond, “NO, don’t blame PMS.” – but even tonight, she had thought that was it actually PMS as well, because there’s just “so many little things” that bugged her she couldn’t quite put her finger on it… and it seemed like she fluctuated from being unhappy and happy throughout the day randomly. The night wasn’t all bad and it wasn’t all ingenuity either because her smiles to me were all still very sweet. Maybe because I thought I could “handle PMS well” but apparently it’s a whole different monster when it comes to bebe, because I just couldn’t cheer her up. It got to around 10PM and I asked her if she wanted to go back, but she actually didn’t yet, despite the foul mood. I decided to take her on a joy-ride then, just to look at houses, be in the car and listen to music. I can’t even believe I did that given the crazy gas prices right now, but furthering the point that I’d do almost anything for her. We drove around for about 40 minutes before I decided I needed a place to just park and rest. It was nearing 11PM and I was getting drained and because I was just so stressed out over the day that it was more emotional exhaustion more than physical one.

As we sat there, we just had some small talk. All of a sudden, she goes quiet probably to think about what she’s going to say, then says asked me if I “wanted to know what she thinks about this relationship”… I literally FROZE when she says that. I said let me think about whether I wanted to know and I could already feel my pulse/heart rate pumping – not only that, but I was feeling short-of-breath. I had to step outside because it was cool and I could regain my composure, thoughts and just my sanity. I got back into the car and told her I’d listen… there was no doubt that my mind raced, heart pounded and couldn’t breath throughout the entire conversation. It wasn’t anything bad, suffice to say, wouldn’t say it was anything good either. I mean it’s great we can sit and talk about the relationship, but wish we could sit and talk about the GOOD things in our relationships, not just her “discomforts”  – but I did get to explain myself and my own feelings – things I don’t share with anyone, not even on this blog. The reason why I had such a big reaction was because of the night’s incident (with the PMS and all… lol) along with the way she “asked” if I wanted to know (since you don’t ‘ask’ when you tell people good things, you just blurt it out) made me feel as if it was another one of those “dead end” conversations. I was so tired from the night that when we finished chatting, I just wanted to hold her hand and take a short nap. She didn’t let me hold her hands, SIGH… so I held on to the back of her hand while I tried to take a snooze, not that I could because of all the worry. At least we did come to the “agreement” that we think it was mostly PMS which brought about the day’s negativity, because ever since she returned from Malaysia to Canada, things have been doing really well for us and our “direction” in the relationship is definitely there. I hope one day SOON when bebe and I had a solid relationship foundation, I can tell her the truth about how I kept tabs on her 😛 As much as she tried to emphasize my loyalty and niceness to her, we both know that’s not enough to lay the groundwork for a good relationship, so it was still a bit dejecting to know she still can’t quite “feel” it with me.

Let’s just say for the sake of an “example” I had a choice between forcing her to be with me, even though she doesn’t truly want to – or if I just let her go. Of course there are those who say the whole, “If you love her enough, you will let her go.” – well let me tell you this, that’s retarded. I suppose we’re all entitled to our own opinions, but it’s “easier said, than done” to let someone go who you truly love, it’s just downright stupid when I hear that sometimes. Call me greedy, but I think I’d still go for option 1. Why? Because a lot of couples who decided to get into a relationship even though one side was not fully happy. This usually occurs when “oopsies” happens with unexpected pregnancies or when people are forced into a marriage circumstance (arranged marriages) or even mail-order brides, people who never once thought about being together, ended up being together, but lived happily-ever-after. Likewise, even if I were to be so greedy as to force bebe to stay with me, she may very well end up being more happy than she ever expected. Sounds like a fairytale, but if there’s anyone who can do it, I believe in myself that I’m capable of that 😛 Of course the BEST alternative would she actually willingly be with me and feel that spark, haha. The way I feel about her is so deep and I’d actually be willing to (Chinese Astrology) 轉運 and give up 5 years of my life just to be with bebe. After all, would I want to live my life unhappily without bebe, or would I rather live 5 years less and be happy with her? I think the decision is pretty obvious for me… that’s how much I love her.

We spent a lot of time expressing our own thoughts about how we view the relationship and I mean deep down, I’m not ignorant to believe that this will relationship will for sure work out, but there’s no doubt I’d want it to work out… and that I’m willing to devote what it takes to win her over. Even though “time” is not exactly on my side, I’ve told myself that I refuse to give up on her and even though I’d normally try to push the relationship forward or whatever, I’m going to just give her that time she needs and that I’m not going to “set a deadline.” As she mentioned her talking to her friends about how she should definitely try to bring those feelings to surface about me, obviously if she’s tried and still doesn’t work out then it’s just not happening. Of course we’ve only been “trying hard” for the past 2 months, so that still gives us lots of ‘testing’ and ‘getting to know each other’ time… I’m not sure if she set a particular date/length of time where she thinks that’s enough time and it is/is not working out (and quite frankly, I wouldn’t want to know), because then it doesn’t give us constraints to time – otherwise we’d constantly be rushing rather than being realistic – I suppose we’ll just let time take its course while we do our best to make this relationship work. The GOOD thing is that if our relationship works out, seriously NOTHING will separate us, because we’ve gone through so much that we’d both be impervious, given all the obstacles we’ve had to go through to get to a great place.

I’m not sure how I felt last night. Even when I dropped her off, I’m not sure what I should’ve done. We usually hug each other before we go for the night, but I didn’t even bother positioning myself or asking for one, just didn’t feel right and I’m not sure whether I did it for me or did it for her. I mean quite notably, I wasn’t exactly happy or anything and she wasn’t very happy either – so maybe that’s why. I was kind of upset with how things turned out so I just didn’t feel very huggable. At the same time, I’m also not sure if SHE wanted to be hugged given all the things we talked about. I felt so empty when I went home, like the night wasn’t complete. I got to hold her a lot tonight, but it didn’t feel the same. I mean, I now know I’ve been defeated by PMS – it has never been that bad on me before, I’ve always been able to control PMS on my girls pretty well and have always done the right thing that could help them smile and be happy. I guess I just shouldn’t hold the night against bebe, I mean if PMS is really the culprit, then we’ll be ok once her period starts!

I got home at around 1:30AM after dropping her off and this has been the first time I’ve been so tired that on my drive home, my eyes were READY to close. I got home safely and just plopped on my bed and went to sleep. However, the repercussions to the night were rough. This morning when I woke up, I went to the washroom to puke. There was really ‘nothing’ to puke out since last night’s food had already been entirely digested, the feelings were all the “sick to my stomach” feelings over the previous night. I don’t even know what I’d do without bebe in my life. I don’t want to go back to “searching for another half” because I’ve FOUND her… I just need to be able to keep her. She’s still young and that’s why she’s not “rushing”…. had she been say, 28 or something, then she might be a bit more rushing in this relationship, because that biological clock is ticking against her. We talked last night about how anyone can survive without another person, but the reality is I love bebe so much that I don’t know how I’d be able to go on life without her… Today has not started a good day, I feel exhausted even though I got plenty of sleep, I don’t feel like eating (and even when I do, I feel like barfing) and I can’t breath/concentrate. I just hope I get over this feeling soon, bebe gets over her PMS and both of us be POSITIVE again.

One thing I remind bebe is that all it takes is one incident for her to feel that spark. When, where and how… neither of us knows, but we shouldn’t just give up on it, but simply wait for that spark to happen – because it will. I pray… I pray…

Addenum to PMS/Menstruation Differences Post

I decided to plop some pictures into my previous post regarding PMS and Menstruation, added a bit more content and a bit of humour! As promised, the picture of what 9 tablespoons of menstrual flow looks like (lol, don’t worry – it’s just water) has been added. I’ve also had a spark of ingenuitiy (which rarely happens) to calculate how many tampons it would actually take to absorb one period worth of fluid! Cheers.

https://meninmenstruation.wordpress.com/2010/06/03/be-informed-know-the-difference-pms-and-periodmenstruation/ (Updated Jun 4/10 @ 5:46PM EST)

[Commenting has been disabled on this post since there’s no point]

Be Informed: Know the Difference! PMS and Period/Menstruation

Hi Everyone,

Today, I’d like to take this opportunity to demystify the difference between PMS and menstruation. Often, both males and females use these two terms interchangeably, but not knowing that they mean a completely different thing. Rather than throw medical terminology or a dictionary definition to you, let me convey to you my understanding of PMS and menstruation, from a lay-person’s perspective. PMS is said to affect approx. 30% of menstruating women.

PMS 24/7!

PMS, or Pre-Menstrual Syndrome covers a large scope of physical or emotional disturbances in a female before the arrival of menses. Symptoms of PMS include, but aren’t limited to, depression, irritability, crying, oversensitivity, and mood swings.Insomnia, fatigue, aches, breast tenderness, bloating, cramps, constipation and headaches are common physical conditions which PMS-affected females may undergo. It should be known that not all women are affected by PMS. I should highlight that the “P” in “PMS” being pre means that these symptoms happen before menstruation, so therefore, the terms PMS and menstruation should not be used interchangeably.

PMS generally occurs after a female ovulates and ends either shortly before or when menstrual flow begins. More specifically, PMS symptoms are attributed to large fluctuations of hormones, most notably, progesterone released during the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle. As this phase comes to end, progesterone drops-off and the menstrual cycle comes to an end, resulting in menstruation (us flow-lover’s favourite time!!!) where endometrial blood is expelled from the body via the vagina. There is a more severe form of PMS called Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder or PMDD, affecting approx. 3-8% of women. In general, both PMS and PMDD affect a woman’s quality-of-life, however, certain nutrition consumptions, stress-levels and predisposed factors may make PMS/PMDD more severe from one woman to another.

Menstruation is used to describe the beginning of a new menstrual cycle and usually lasts from 3 to 5 days. Menstruation is considered to fall under the “normal” range anywhere from 2 to 7 days. The uterine lining is formed upon every menstrual cycle and needs to be expelled from the body when conception has not occurred. At the start of every menstrual cycle, the uterine lining and decomposed egg exits the cervix, into the vagina and out of the female body. The flow which comes out of the body is often in the visible form of blood and/or clots (may or may not indicate health-issues). The amount of menstrual flow throughout actively menstruating days vary from woman-to-woman although the average loss of blood per period is only 3 tablespoons with an average fluid loss of 6-9 tablespoons since tissue and mucus from the endometrium also comes out with menstrual blood.

This is 9 tbsp or ~133mL of liquid looks like - the "upper end" of what the average menstrual flow of one period consists

Let’s do some quick math! According to the FDA, tampons fall under 5 classifications based on absorbency. “Ultra” tampons are rated for 15-18 grams of menstrual flow. (Note: Mind you, these are VERY rough calculations since conversions between volume/weight is always a nasty thing to do, but it will give you a light concept.) 5 grams is approximately 1 teaspoon. 3 teaspoons is equivalent to 1 tablespoon. Assuming we use the “lowest end” of an Ultra-absorbency tampon absorbing 15 grams of flow, that is 3 teaspoons which is equivalent to 1 tablespoon. If the average menstrual fluid loss per period on the highest end is 9 tablespoons, 9 Ultra-absorbency tampons are enough to absorb all of your period. Please take due caution as I am not recommending this as tampons should be used according to the instructions in the leaflet as well as hygienic practices. Unfortunately, I don’t have an Ultra O.B. tampon so I can’t display the size of it, so the box will have to suffice (as shown below). Maybe I can borrow one from my ex next time I see her… HAH… hope it make her happy that I didn’t post another brand instead 😛

O.B. Tampons Ultra

Menstrual flow is not only expelled by force of gravity, but also the contraction of the uterus which helps force decomposed waste/menstrual flow out the body and thus, may results in abdominal discomfort in menstruating women commonly referred to as cramps. The menstrual cycle may not be very accurate for women who have recently reached sexual maturation, the age of menarche. Usually it takes 1-3 years before a woman reaches the stage where the menstrual cycle becomes regular. It is not unusual even for women who have had their menstrual cycle for many years who are not regular or may fall outside of their regular schedule.

I certainly hope in the future this is not the way I find out my wife is pregnant. There are much better ways of congratulations... LOL.

Most notably, sexually-active women may fear pregnancy (unless they want a child) when their period is late or perhaps may signal underlying health issues. Nevertheless, periods are rarely 100% accurate and flow will vary even from one menstrual cycle to another.

As you can see guys (and girls I suppose), PMS and menstruation are two different things and although both are “related” since PMS happens prior to menstruation, menstruation CAN exist without PMS-related symptopms. So the next time, when someone talks to you about PMS and menstruation, make sure they are using the right term to describe the right thing! Don’t you think you’d impress your significant other more when you use the right word to describe what she’s going through? I think so 😀 Hopefully this will also provide you with a working-knowledge of PMS and menstruation and to demystify misinformation that often gets injected into male minds about what-is-what!

Cheers. 🙂

[This post will be checked by one of my ex’s due to her medical expertise for accuracy :P]

%d bloggers like this: