I’ve been thinking lately, I’m pretty embarrassed over my own feelings for bebe. No, I don’t doubt my devotion to her, but rather, my feelings for her have grown.. uh… rather strong. Until a while ago, I’ve had pretty strong emotions for bebe and stuff, but I’ve always tried to suppress my “other” feelings for her. My feelings for her not only have gone from emotional, but even now physical/sexual. When I say I feel sexual towards her, it doesn’t mean I want to throw her on the bed and start having my way with her, but it means I get excited by the thought of her.I know these are pretty normal feelings, particularly for a guy… but it’s embarrassing for me.
Bebe, unlike other girls I’ve been with, isn’t one who is the touchy-touchy type or enjoy physical intimacy in a relationship. Hopefully in time I’ll break that barrier and she’ll not only “accept” physical intimacy, but also embrace and enjoy it. I’ve been so happy with how things are going between us lately… the only thing that has bothered me that I’m trying to get over is what I just spoke about, the lack of physical comfort. Even when I talk about just wanting to hug her… she gets all quiet on me or just ignores me. It makes me hurt a bit, but then I keep reminding myself she just needs to experience once before she knows how comforting it is. I mean hugging isn’t exactly a “oh-my-god, he did what?!!” type of move… I would even dare say that hugs for the most part are not highly-sexual in nature. Bebe still seems very avoiding of physical contact and it sort of bugs me, and I’m sure she’s aware of it… but I want to do as much as possible to melt that barrier. Why is it so hard? I need to understand… sigh.
Nevertheless, I think about how much my feelings for her have grown. One might wonder why being excited over your own girl might be so unusual and it’s not, but when I think of her and become excited, it’s not even because I’m thinking of dirty things about her. I don’t think about her nude, I don’t think about her doing sexy things, I simply think about her and I already get excited and horny over her. WHY?!! I don’t even think sexual thoughts about her, how can I get sexually excited?! I mean, I could completely blame just being male and that’s why, but usually I have to think about a girl sexually before I even get excited, but with bebe, I just think about how beautiful of a person she is, inside and out, that it gets me all riled up over her.
When I talk to bebe, I swear, my eyes glaze over, I get hot inside and I start to swoon over her. She’s SO DAMN HOT… and since when, I ask myself. When I first saw her, I just seen her as “just the average Asian girl”… small, cute and lovable, but I could not recall when I began to just drool over her… I think I need a bib. I’m starting to believe that the way you view physical attraction changes over time as you get to know a person better. Suddenly things about their personality, helps amplify their physical beauty as well… in other words, beauty is also an acquired taste. I hope that in time, I will become more attractive in bebe’s eyes… I’m not even concerned about how others view me now, as long as bebe views me in a positive light. I’m not hoping that she’ll see me as not having any faults, but to learn to love me for who I am. If I can see her as being more beautiful over time, then surely, she can see me as being more handsome over time. I hate to think that because she’s doesn’t “like the way I look” that it prevents her from being physically-close to me.
Some girls also look even hotter when they’re angry and ferocious. I was watching a TVB series today called When Lanes Merge (情越雙白線)… and there’s couple of scenes where she’s angry and ferocious, she looks so frigging amazing. Bebe can look a mixture of scary and totally drooltastic when she has her “angry look” on… 😆 – In all reality, I think I can find perfection in every look she has, haha… could be her best or her worse and I still say it’s great XD
So tomorrow, I’m finally headed out on a beautiful 18-hour flight to Hong Kong. I’m excited to see my family! On the topic of my blog, I’ve already marked a few feminine hygiene items worthy of purchase and testing while I’m there 😀 In fact, this week there is a Kotex Whites Slim w/ Wings XX-Long on sale @ ParkNShop ($20.90HKD/pack) this week which I’m hoping to get a chance to snatch up before it ends! I’ll be hunting for some good deals so I can test them while I’m there and also, I’m sure my friend Amy has some presents waiting for me already 😆 I already know that as I mention this, she is going to ask me “Is Bebe going to buy some for you when she comes back?!!” ‘cuz she’s been asking for a while, haha. Well, I guess we’ll find out whether bebe remembers to get me a souvenir (although very different than what most people get, LOL)… I’ll update as soon as I get a chance, especially if I get some pictures of Asia’s superior pads/tampons! 🙂 Cheers and enjoy your holidays everyone.
This post has no educational value (nor is it period-related… unless I slip something in there). I just figured after a string of some period-posts, that I’d stick one of my random-thought posts in here.
For the past while, I’ve been playing a game called Just Cause 2. It was extremely addicting and playing for 5-hours was not exactly healthy – although it did kill time on days that I did not have side-work. Oh right, speaking of which, my past two weeks have been nuts. Other than my regular day job, I also do I.T. work on the side and almost every other week-day, I had a client who required my services. Oh yes, I absolutely love making money, but when every night you come home at 8-9PM, it isn’t so “lovely” anymore.. mind you I also worked 8 hours prior to that. So after calculating this month’s “additional income,” I am fairly happy with the results.
Every month, I worry about wanting more business and I don’t see why life can’t space things out for you, lol. I mean, last month was just crappy and all of a sudden the last 2 weeks of May, I’m bombarded. It’s funny, I guess humans can never be satisfied (or maybe just me :lol:).. either we complain about having too little or too much. However, I do have some extra dollars now to line my wallet with, especially because the past while I admit I have been on a spending spree. My girlfriend and I spent a lot of time eating out, which consequently other than probably not being great on my waistline, it also costs money. Rest assured, I am not complaining, I love spending time with her, even if it costs money XD – after all, money is made to be spent! Second, I bought a camera a while ago, for those who follow my blog… then third, I had to get a new computer case and power supply, so it all adds up! Well, I suppose at least I haven’t bought pads for a while, so there has been no expense for that (yet) 😛
So anyways, a few days at work, we had a breast cancer awareness day at work (not the “official” breast cancer awareness day) where workers were asked to wear an article of pink to show their support. I was holding a meeting in the meeting room outside of my office so a few of the attendees arrived and since my office is right there, I sat in my own office to wait.
Since I enjoy conversing a lot, a couple of the staff who I’m particularly closer to invited themselves in just to chit-chat (a guy and a girl). The other guy and I immediately noticed the girl wasn’t wearing anything pink, so we inquired. She replied, “Sure I am, you guys just can’t see it!” and the other guy and I both knew what that meant. This girl is a complete tease though. She plopped herself up on the corner of my desk and since I was sitting down and she was wearing a skirt, the eye-level was perfect. The other guy grinned and sat down next to me, but I totally turned away and looked at my monitor. Mind you, I dislike doing something while someone is talking to me, but I couldn’t very well be looking between her legs at her pink panties because that is EXACTLY what I’d see if I was facing her since I’m ‘lower’ than she is on the desk. Rest assured, if I were single, I’d probably be looking, lol, yes – I am a guy.
The other guy got a kick out of it and I was sure I could see a little drool on the side of his mouth, but I was totally trying to avoid looking ‘there’. Girls probably get a kick out of teasing guys like that 😛 For some reason, I have this obligation to “be a good boy” and not do something that would compromise my loyalty to my girlfriend. After all, I should not be looking at another girl’s … err.. crotch area, EVEN if she completely intended to let us look. The point is girls definitely know how to play our desires against us and I’m pretty sure I would’ve gave it a 2nd.. 3rd.. maybe even 4th look had I not been in a relationship, haha. The thing was the other guy was married and he still had no qualms about looking 😆 – damn it, why must girls do such things?!
This morning, I had a lot of fun talking to one of my authors, Poh Ching, for quite a lengthy period of time.. or well, more than we normally do! It made me really think and take time to cherish the way humans connect with one another. For those who don’t know, I met P.C simply through my blog when I started… she was my first subscriber and consequently, the first commenter on my blog. In the past, we do not spend much time talking because of our opposite time-zones and her field-of-study requires her to concentrate a lot on school. We get sporadic chats if we’re lucky, maybe 10-20 mins every week, yet, we have a fairly unique friendship and connect in ways that doesn’t seem plausible for people who have never met in person and quite literally a random person off the internet.
Nevertheless, we often share things we don’t with anyone else, talk about many personal things and enjoy each-others company. It certainly feels weird to feel so close to someone who we know “little about” – yet in a profound way, know a lot of things. It’s hard to describe the feeling, but it makes me ponder the bonds which tie humans together. There have been times she’s kept me sane at work, like that time I was talking to her over MSN in the middle of a meeting because I was ready to fall asleep, haha. Speaking of which, P.C, I loved the convo today 😀 lololol. Not only do I really enjoy talking to her, she brings a sense of happiness to my day, especially the past few days after she has finished all her exams and truly have time to dedicate herself to an entire conversation! We talked from morning, to afternoon, to even when I got home from work 😀 She made my day with a nice little comment… wish I got to hear this more often 😆 :
For Victoria Day, my friends and I visited this newly opened restaurant at a nearby city and it was amazing. I’m pretty picky about my food quality, especially when eating Japanese food because when it comes to sushi and sashimi, it must be fresh and sanitary, otherwise, you risk catching food poisoning very easily due to the nature of the ingredients. For those who are unaware, most all-you-can-eat Japanese food places do not offer sashimi for lunch but will for dinner since the cost for dinner meals tend to be a lot more. This restaurant though, offered sashimi at lunch too and oh my god did I ever over-indulge 😛 Let’s just say we had our lunch at 12PM and I didn’t have to eat dinner or anything that entire night, haha. Wow, now I totally crave it… URG!
Oh… right, back to today… if you can’t tell, I’m one of those really messy writers because I have thoughts in random places and time, so things never seem to be in chronological order, hah. This morning I also had a monitor-swivel arm installed! I no longer have to use an old server book I had to boost up my monitor, lol.. and my desk looks much neater with extra space now! Yes yes, I get impressed by small things, hey, why not… since I generally don’t get a lot of “big things” in life that make me happy… unless I also happen to win that lottery ticket our staff pooled together 😛
And finally… today… the game I’ve been waiting for for a while finally became available! I should mention I played about 4 hours of it.. yes, that’s totally bad. However, for those who are interested in games and such, definitely take a look at Alpha Protocol! It is addicting and I really didn’t want to put it down, but I also told myself I have to get back to watching my Hong Kong TVB drama series before I fall behind! I have to conclude this random-ass-post so I can get back to watching it as a distraction for me from playing AP again, haha. Speaking of Hong Kong… I suppose I should start spotting out flights for my end-of-the-year trip back home! From what I hear, the prices are supposed to be nasty. Oh well, it’s a vacation, so who cares about the money! I work damn hard for my money, now it’s time I get to enjoy it before I have to spend it on the wife and kids, lol.
Night night everyone, thanks for enduring my ramblings 😛