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My First Meaningful Valentine’s Day

You know, having been with a few girls over my years of life, I must say this has been one of the most touching Valentine’s day I’ve ever experienced – well, at least for now – I’m sure bebe will make me love her more and more every year! Nevertheless, it took me a bit of time to consider whether I’d actually say this because it would seem rather unfair to my ex’s. With me ex’s, I never want them to feel as if they were an unimportant part of my life, because they really are and all with the exception of one, I still keep in (relatively) close contact with. My ex’s have helped me develop my relationship aptitude and helped me explore and engage myself in ways I never thought possible. Each one has paved the path of who I am today and that lucky for bebe (HAHA), she will hopefully get to be my final recipient of my love. So when bebe and I get married one day, she owes the way I treat her to all my ex’s who’ve made me the person I am today XD

But anyways, lets set the whole unfairness thing aside, this valentines I truly “feel” it… and I guess perhaps this relationship has delved into more serious emotions and connections than ones before. My most recent ex was probably the most unfortunate one because it was pure lust and perhaps we both used each other to satisfy our “rebounding” feelings. Having been with L for quite a few years, it took me a long time before I could even be with another girl… It wasn’t until 3-4 years later when my heart could even consider another person. L and I had some pretty good Valentines day and we certainly made it special for each other, whether nearby or afar, however, this Valentines with bebe so far away, I still feel super close to her, as if she was sitting right next to me with her head on my shoulders.

Then of course, many years ago, those teenage relationships you never expected to go real far. High-school relationships were either, 1) for pleasure, 2) for status quo and mostly, 3) experimentation. Unfortunately I never dated a girl for #1 which I’m not sure if I regret or not 😆 HAH! For #2 I thought was absolutely useless because a person should not rely on “a partner” to have a specific status within school and so of course I dated for #3. Back then, girls were just someone you’d hang out with after-school, do things with when you’re bored or just someone you could confide in private with… but really, I don’t think at that point a person can truly appreciate what true, lasting relationships are about… people come together and people fall apart in a whim, without repercussion. “Easy come, easy go” was a serious reality. I always thought to myself how disgusting it would be if I were to sleep with a girl who I know every one of my best friends have slept with or “been inside” with – urg, the thought is sickening.

I think it’s very common now that people adapted to the whole, “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy – if you’re with someone, it’s best you don’t know about their relationship-past or sexual-history. To be honest, I would think 4-5 years ago that I expected any girl that I’d be with to be a virgin (and by virgin, I mean REALLY virgin, as in no sex of ANY type, whether oral, anal or vaginal), but truly, I don’t expect any of the girls I know to be virgins anymore 😀 lol – it’s just not realistic. Bebe has always been interested in my past relationships, as she was always curious in knowing why my previous relationships failed. For me, I probably prefer not to know how many guys she’s been with, what they have done together and I just pretend that there was no one before me, haha, it’s much more settling that way.

So I came to this realization that this valentine is probably one of the most heart-felt one was due to the fact I truly truly FELT COMPELLED to get something for bebe. I know that she’s not big on receiving gifts from me, she’s one of those modern “financially independent” type of girls, but she certainly didn’t reject it either. I actually gave her a few necklaces to choose from and go figure, from all the choices I gave her, she chose the diamond one 😛 how typical girl, haha. I don’t mind though because if I offered it, then obviously I already budgeted to buy it for her initially. It was just amusing that when I was at the jewelery store, all the girls there that I know quite well from buying there a lot, all agreed that bebe would likely pick the diamond one because you know, girls just LOVE diamonds 😆 They said, “A girl will always buy the most expensive one that their boyfriend offers” and I laughed – because bebe did indeed choose the most expensive one.

My gift is not actually in this box...

Getting this present was not without hardships though. When I asked bebe the first time, they actually had a 10% sale going on and by the time she responded, the sale was over. I was still going to buy it even for regular price, but I decided to go to the store to bug them like a typical Asian to see if they would honour the discount even though it was technically over. Luckily, they told me they were restarting the discount due to popular demand the next day, so I told them I’d go make the purchase then… however, I also found out the necklace that bebe wanted was also out of stock at the store I usually go to, BLAH!

I was like OMFG, lol. I was trying to figure out whether they’d get it in and they suggested me to go visit other stores. Alternately, I could order online, but I’m not big on buying something before I actually get to see it, ESPECIALLY, when it comes to expensive things or jewelery. If I’m paying this much for it, it better be the guaranteed quality, correct diamond and gold karat composition and be the exact style as shown in the picture. So I was frantic of course, HOLY SHIT, I started scrambling to every store around the area possible to find it and if I couldn’t find it here locally, I’d drive to nearby cities to get it if I had to. So finally I found a place that sold the exact one bebe picked up and I was so happy! I always watch those movies and think how nutty guys are to look high and low just to get a gift for their lover, but now I truly understand the feeling and reasoning behind it… it’s such a huge disappointment when you can’t get the thing you wanted for someone you care about – so you’ll do ANYTHING just to get your hands on it. So I ordered it and then picked it up just yesterday after work. I left work early so I could “beat the rush” as many guys and gals would be picking up there Valentine’s gift after work due to the discount.

So can you believe it? Today, my mom goes on to “casually ask me more” about bebe. Not only that, but she “advised” me that I should make sure I take [bebe’s full name] out for valentines lunch/dinner to make up for the fact she’s not in Canada now. I can’t believe it, my MOM actually told me I need to take bebe out (not that I didn’t plan to, lol).. but she made it very clear that I SHOULD, haha. Since when did my parents become that involved in girls I like? 😛 Not only that, but I’ve never had a girl in my life who my parents cared so much about whether we actually stayed together, lol. Other than L, my parents didn’t care much for these girls, haha… in fact, the last one I had they utterly hated XD – ok so I guess that proves they did care about the results of my last relationship because they didn’t want me to end up with that girl :lol:… on a totally AWESOME note is the fact my mom: a) wants to get to know bebe more, b) actually remembers her name, c) seems to approve of her, and d) interested in helping me keep bebe and have a future with her … and of course not many people who read this blog know my parents, but if you did, you would realize that a, b, c, and d mean a lot given how little my parents have ever shown approval for a girl I got involved with. They did inquire (or I could say “blame”, hah) me for failing that relationship with L… and funny enough, even though my parents never met her, they seem to really like her. Who knows why… maybe it was ‘cuz she is SUPER PRETTY, haha. I still remember when I went out to Toronto to visit L one year, my dad was picking me up from the GO Train station and asked me why I didn’t try to kau (date/woo) L, but at that time, we had already broken up because she left me for a better looking guy 😦

In case anyone wonders what I got bebe… here it is! I’m actually quite proud of getting her something, not that I shouldn’t or something, but you know – I just feel good about myself and I don’t think there should be something “wrong” with that feeling. It makes me feel warm and tingly inside and even though she might not be quite ready to reciprocate my love for her, at least she acknowledges it, which is important 😀 I cut out the picture below so no one (unless you really like to backtrack links…) can find out where I bought it from and mainly that I’d get in so much shit for buying something so expensive for her, LOL… My friends were like, “You know.. most people only start buying diamonds for their girlfriend when they’re like… about to get married.. not just when you guys are starting out” – but hey, we’re not really ‘just starting’.. or well, the whole situation is complex, but at least we’ve “been seeing each other” for a good year and a half now, so it’s not like we’re total strangers or something and plus, bebe is such a good girl that she’s totally worth spoiling!

How bebe has somehow mesmerized my entire family into liking her, I have no idea, LOL. She’s managed to meet only two of my aunts plus my cousin and my whole family is all happy over her already. She only exchanged a few words with my aunts and maybe a few paragraphs with my cousin 😛 I mean, I know my family has a habit and talent of judging people quite quickly in even the smallest exchange of words and obviously, they all seem to think she’s an excellent girl for me to be with and that we’d make a great couple. I don’t mind them thinking that of course, because it gives me the support/encouragement, as well that I know she will be a great “fit” into my family since everyone’s already given her the “thumbs up” – and particular in Asian families or I should say my family, that approval is extremely hard to earn/obtain! Even my mom agrees that I should “put forth effort” towards bebe, so I can always claim that my own taste/judgments of girls can sometimes be questionable (à la my last relationship, lol), but so far, everyone I know really want to meet her and think we’re definitely relationship-material and I’d say if I couldn’t trust myself in my own feelings for bebe, I can definitely trust others who are normally quite demanding of girls I’m with! All in all, this is a great sign – or at least for the family part. I still have to of course, win bebe’s heart over 😛

I went to Niagara Falls today to enjoy a show and a dinner and it was a great day, but at times like these, I really wish bebe was around here with me. I know she’s having a wonderful time with her family back at home (in fact, even HOME home!), so I while I do miss her greatly, I have to hold back my greediness back and have to respect the fact she has her own family and there’s more to her life than just me. Nevertheless, even if she’s at least thought of me once a day, whether for a split-second or for minutes, I’d still feel really touched and special in her life anyways! There are still a lot of struggles for us in the coming days, weeks and months, particularly with getting her settled here and solving “geographical” issues. I really want this to be the last relationship I’m in… because I love bebe so much! Surely given that there are so many people who can clearly see and even feel how much I care about bebe, that soon bebe will truly feel that she means the world to me and stay by my side and let me love and care for her – forever and always.

and of course… I like when people ask me questions like what’s posed in this song, I can answer using a music video… HAH:

The Temptations – My Girl

And because EMI Publishing is a bunch of fucktards and won’t let people stream off WordPress but can off of Youtube, you have to go there directly to listen to it. When I have time, I’m going to find a way around that. And you wonder why people don’t buy music legally anymore? Why the shit should I buy music when music companies do stupid stuff like this? I hope everyone keeps downloading illegally and puts those idiots out of business until they start embracing the real world. When I see their CEO’s begging on the street for food, I’m going to shit on their heads.

Tampons: Virginity and You – Will I Lose It?

Hiho, finally got a new topic to write about as I received some questions by email. The reader writes…

Hello,

I follow your blog with great interest.

[…]

My question is, will wearing tampons affect the virginity? Can only non virgins wear tampons, or virgins can too, or will it tear the hymen?

Thanks,
[Name]

This has always been a very large misunderstanding for those who have been brought up with a more conservative and perhaps in some cases, old-fashion thinking. I will have to say from growing up in a traditional Asian household, that I can relate to the way-of-thinking when it comes to trying to accept something “outside” of the way that “things always have been” and in the sense of menstruation, it is something that is not spoken out, simply dealt with and sanitary napkins/pads being the default and only choice of menstrual protection. Suffice to say, many mothers and perhaps fathers, believe that the usage of tampons will cause the loss of virginity in their daughter(s). Even if the misunderstanding between the link of tampons and virginity is not present, a sizable number of Asian women simply don’t even bother considering tampons.

Obviously, there are Asian girls out there who use tampons, my ex-ex being one of them, but certainly, out of all my Asian girlfriends I’ve had, only one did but yet out of my 2 white/Caucasian girlfriends, both did. Now of course given my lack of dating girls of many cultures, these aren’t very viable statistics, but I have dated more Asian girls than those of other cultures and that means that’s a 100% tampon-use ratio for the non-Asian girls and only 20% of Asian girls. Although my ex and god-sis did try them on my suggestion, I’m not going to consider them ‘regular’ users of tampons.

O.B Tampon Pro Comfort, Sponsored by Beijing 2008 Olympics

O.B Tampon Pro Comfort, Sponsored by Beijing 2008 Olympics

There are two things that play a great part when it comes to the mentality considering tampons, culture and religion. I’m obviously not going to even start a topic of whether I believe X culture is right or Y religion is true, it’s simply that one’s upbringing is likely to have a large influence on menstrual protection choices, if not in later years, but at least the first few years post-menarche.

To first understand the non-existent link between virginity and tampon usage, one must first understand virginity. Virginity can be a hotly debated topic and I can’t possibly cover all angles, so let’s just keep it simple. According to Encarta dictionary, virginity is defined as:

vir·gin[ vúrjin ]

somebody who has never had sexual intercourse

So where exactly do you draw the line on intercourse? Sex used to be a very defined thing, you put it in, pull it out – and it’s not so easy to draw the line anymore. Are you still a virgin if there is no penetration? What category does oral sex fall under? What about sexual relations between homosexual couples? Different cultures, religions and value-systems will have a different take on virginity but for now, let’s consider this the old fashion way, where we consider “intercourse” to only be the insertion of a penis into the vagina.

sex·u·al in·ter·course

an act carried out for reproduction or pleasure involving penetration, especially one in which a man inserts his erect penis into a woman’s vagina

So, the loss of virginity is related to sexual intercourse and not by using of a wad of cotton, a.k.a – a tampon! For many cultures and religions, virginity is a big thing – especially when it comes to the loss of virginity outside of a relationship or marriage. Nevertheless, there are also misconceptions about virginity tied to the hymen as an indicator of virginity. Let’s take a look at what is and the purpose of the hymen as defined by about.com:

What Is the Hymen?

The hymen is a piece of tissue that, during development, blocks some or all of the entrance to the vagina. It exists in many species, and scientists have no real understanding of its purpose in humans.

The hymen being a mere piece of tissue is subject to forces substantial enough to be torn or ripped through daily, non-sexual activities such as bike riding, horse riding, gymnastics, etc. and isn’t necessarily related to a virginal status of a woman. The hymen can certainly break through masturbation or self-exploration It is of course possible to tear the hymen when using tampons, however, as I noted above, virginity and whether the hymen is intact or not does not define whether a woman is or is not a virgin. Furthermore, it is also not impossible for slight penetration to occur (thus causing the loss of virginity) without breaking the hymen as the tissue itself is able to stretch without fully tearing it. The breaking of the hymen may or may not include some bleeding or pain and it happens as a result of inserting a tampon, it is unlikely to be noticed anyways.

It’s hard to say without statistics whether more women are likely to “open up” with tampons after she loses her virginity. I know girls who’ve started using tampons well before they lost their virginity and girls who started using tampons post-losing their virginity – however, I do not believe there is a correlation, only coincidence. There are of course girls who lose their virginity and never use tampons because they feel using pads works for them already. I suppose that after a girl loses her virginity, she feels more comfortable with having something inserted within her. The fear of tampon insertion is generally the biggest thing for young women, whether it is the messiness, embarrassment or the lack of understanding of her own genitalia. No doubt, for girls who have not had sex or masturbated, knowledge of that area tends to be very shallow and may contribute to a more shy-approach to using tampons.

Nevertheless, the bottom line answer is that tampons do not result in loss of virginity. Sexual intercourse results in the loss of virginity (however you want to define sex). Virgins and non-virgins can both use tampons. Tampons may or may not rip/tear the hymen. The hymen is not a indicator of virginity. Although this isn’t the theme of my blog or topic directly, but please remember to practice safe-sex to minimize/prevent transmission of STD’s, especially if you’re not in/with a monogamous partner/relationship and you’re not ready/want to take on the responsibilities of potentially conceiving a child or children.

Here’s a laugh… the amusement starts mostly at 1:20 but to get the entire laugh, you can watch the entire 2 minute-and-something clip… Just laughed at how true the dialogue was…

Weekend Updates/Thoughts and Paying for Pain

Hiho Again,

Just wanted to update you on all my happenings this weekend – or well, at least a day of it. Yesterday, I went out to the TCM doctor again except I was unsuspecting to what she had in store for me. I’m sure everyone already read about my moaning and bitching over the pain of having my back scraped by a shark fin-shaped tool causing immense and long-lasting pain to my back. This week, the pain was even worse because of two things. 1 was because she used needles in different spots on the front along with using the electroshock machine and also because she kneaded/pinched fat. I will elaborate later on for those who do not understand the concept.

Traditionally (or maybe I should say in my past history), the acupuncturist only did electroshock on my back and not on the front. Electroshock depending on the intensity of the jolt along with the placement of the needle ranges from comfortable, sensational, to slightly painful. I can usually endure the pain quite well on my back, maybe the nerve endings just don’t pick up as much. In the front, I tend to be more noticable of the pain, although the recent times it has only been upon the insertion of the needle. This time however, even after the insertion it was still painful for a while. Also, adding the electroshock meant I felt it even more than normal. She also used many different insertion points this time, to target getting rid of my stomach fat.

Electroacupuncture - can be heaven and can be hell

Electroacupuncture - can be heaven and can be hell

One would think that being poked at the meaty parts of your body would mean less pain – clearly the opposite. It hurt… a lot, however, with a bit of soreness and pain for about 30 seconds, I could grunt, hold my breath a bit (because breathing caused the needles to move up/down within the skin) until my body was accustomed to the pain. Quite a few needles were inserted in my stomach and surrounding areas, including near my sides – which was scary since my kidneys and liver are there. Even more scary than that was when she began to undo my belt at put one approx 2 inches away from my penis. I don’t particularly like anything/anyone going near there, except for a girl with all-but-the-best intentions LOL. I was really hesitant about the insertion there, but given I’m completely weakened, I could hardly do anything about it. After lying there for 20 minutes barely being able to breathe, the horror was over and she began to withdraw each needle. It was a sham – because the worst was NOT over… and had yet to begin.

She proceeded to “warm her hands up” and put some type of grease on her hands. She does this quite often, so I was no alarmed thinking it was the “ending massage”… well I guess I had it partially right – it was a massage alright – one that according to my mom, seemed to make me scream more than the women from the maternity ward. I had the procedure of “fat pinching” invoked on me. It is not pinching that you think that people use to “test” how much fat a person has, but literally, grabbing fat on your body, kneading it and pinching it as hard as possible. I have read many “western” medical documentation on how there is no such proof that such things work – but looking at many celebrities who have this performed as an assistive method to fat-reduction. I say assistive only because it’s not meant to replace healthy eating and exercise, but “helps in addition to” conventional methods. This is a well-known method done in places like China, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Japan and other Asian nations. I assure you that given the recollection of my entire life, this has been the most painful thing done to me thus far. By the time she finished which was a mere minute at most, I was gasping for air – I seriously could not breathe because I was in so much pain. My eyes were blurry from tears and I was clenched over in a fetal position trying to endure the pain.

I assure you - it was painful

I assure you - it was painful

It took me about 3 minutes of rapid breathing until part of the pain subsided. As I got up, my mom had to hold me because she was so worried I was going to pass out from the pain. She looked equally pained, only because it’s a common expression in Chinese that for one’s parents to see their own child in pain, the hearts of one’s parents hurts even more. It’s amazing what celebrities go through just to keep their figures as they get this done every day until they have dissipated the fat. I do not look forward to my next visit if she’s doing this again. As of today, a full 24-hours since it happened, my sides are both in pain. I can only do shallow breathing as doing deep-breathes causes my stomach and sides to cramp up (well well, aren’t I starting to feel like more of a woman eh?) and this searing pain shoots up my body. Some of the punctures by the needles also hurt probably as a result of the pain from the already-sore-locations. Last night, I did not get very good rest nor was I able to roll over on my sides.

According to the doctor, the more fatty areas of our body is actually more suspectible to pain. I would had thought on my neck, where there is less meat would mean needle insertions would hurt more (or at least I’d feel more). I find that needle insertions, usually 3-4 don’t hurt on my neck at all. On the other hand, when she did it on my stomach and sides, it hurt like a bitch. She explained that a lot of “fat” is also a result of built-up toxins. A degree of fat is required for the body to function of course, but excess fat is considered “negative” fat which actually hurts more than natural-fat. All I can say is that out of all the things I’ve gone through since I started this regiment has been only “current-day pain” and has rarely carried over to the next day. This on the other hand, I have a feel I’ll be feeling it for the rest of the week. Damn, I hope bebe appreciates all the effort I go into getting that beautiful figure she wants from a guy 😆 Ok ok, fine.. I’m doing it for myself either… but mainly for her XD

The rest of the afternoon and evening, we celebrated my friend’s birthday and also coincidentally a “goodbye party” for a friend who’s leaving to San Francisco for his MBA. Although him and I aren’t particularly close (as in we’ll call each other to hang-out regularly), his presence will still be missed at gatherings and such. He also runs a charity which I help out with, so his leadership will be missed by the organization. We had 3 cakes there… and almost a 4th had we not notified the other attendees not to bring one. The party was a potluck and wasn’t as well-organized as usual… we had a lot of “repeat food” and such – but nevertheless, it was a fun party… the big fun was towards the end of the night where we played our very own “family feud”!

This picture will make sense once you read on... I wish I was born in Malaysia =\ - Stolen from Cherrie

This picture will make sense once you read on... I wish I was born in Malaysia =( Pic stolen from Cherrie =P Maybe I ought to start taking up soccer or something.... LOL! I suppose part of the prerequisite of attending university in Malaysia is to be pretty.... geezz.

By the time we finished, it was 11PM and we all called it a night. Before heading back home, I dropped by the T&T in Mississauga before it closed to pick up “late-night deals”. T&T is well-known for their deep discount to foods and perishable items towards closing hours. I have seen sushi platters up to 50% by the end of the night! Although I did not get any sushi, I picked up some Asian junk-food and such (tsk tsk, I know). At this hour, shoppers tend to be the university students or the teenagers who are still up and wandering the streets. I honestly think I may be going through one of two phases, 1) I’m transitioning to becoming a homosexual or, 2) I’m deeply-madly in love. I would vote the latter because I no longer find that same attraction to women as I once did – or rather, I only find attraction to a woman now. T&T at night is like a sea of hot Chinese girls which a year ago, I would’ve been thinking which ones I’d want in my bed tonight. 1, 2, 3.. 10?!! Give them all to me! Now.. I look at girls and while I can appreciate their beauty, nice smiles and curvy body, I cannot find myself to think, “I want to sleep with her tonight, she’s so awesome!” Yes, I am either nuts over bebe or I am turning gay – take your pick. I guess P.C is going to laugh at me now because she said that’s a sure sign of when you know you have no more question about your commitment and loyalty is when all of a sudden, every other girl/boy seems to have no effect on you anymore. When we left the store, my friend was all hyped up, “Hey, weren’t those girls great?!! Find any that you’d want to bang?” .. my answer was like, “Uhh.. no, not really.” and he just stopped walking in the middle of the parking lot. He was like, “WHAT?!!!” and just to not cause a scene, I just said, “Well, a few were ok, that’s all.” – I don’t think he believed me, but at least he started walking towards the car again. After dropping him off at his house,  I proceeded to head home. Given it was almost midnight, the traffic was quite heavy – especially given I live in a smaller city.

Sometime throughout the night, I thought how stupid it was for me to be “paying money to suffer pain” a la acupuncture/fat pinching and back-scraping. There is a Chinese saying that pretty much equates to, “give money to endure hardship” pretty much made me question my own stupidity, lol… if I’m paying money to lose weight, shouldn’t it be less painful and more convenient? 😀 lol… clearly not the case. Oh well… I mean, I have the right to decline going any more, but I figured I’d finish my 2-month treatment first. It’s undeniable that there are results, just expensive ones and quite painful. I’ll have to ask her to modify it again because I’m not sure how much I want to fat pinched anymore, because the intention is the “spread the fat around” so it’s more easily burnt off and reduces the “visibility” of it – but god… I can tolerate pain – just not like this weekly. I’ll leave you guys with a funny Facebook status update I’ve been meaning to post up for a week or so already but forgot… amusing, especially if you understand French (but the explanation is there too)! My friends always end up getting themselves into awkward situations like this…

"You're a virgin? I love virgins! In fact, I almost always wind up dating virgins. My dad is a virgin too." - LOL!

"You're a virgin? I love virgins! In fact, I almost always wind up dating virgins. My dad is a virgin too." - LOL!

Almost one month of the summer-break gone already… shiiiittt…

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