Societal Norms Clashes with Culture

I know Sophia’s going to have a lot of fun with this topic, but I’m thinking lots of people have been wedged between soceital norms and culture. I have a varied group of friends, from (true) white Canadians to those of my own background and I have often noticed distinct differences to opinions based around what our society determines to be normal. Living in Canada, I must say I’m very fortunate that most around us are very accepting and tolerant of differences and everyone sticks to their own without meddling in others affairs. However the other day as I was having a discussion amongst friends, everyone seemed to have a very different outlook on core things… particularly with living environment. Let me elaborate.

Being raised in a traditional Asian household, it has always been accepted that one’s children and family will always be accepted in the household, whether you are 18 or 80. Most of my white-Canadian friends have moved out while I am still at home. I always ask them, “What is home?” I have one friend in particular who I thought was joking to me when he told me that when he turned 18, he found a note from his father who essentially said, “You’re 18 now, get out of the house.” To me, that’s shocking because 18 is an age where most people are still struggling to find themselves, let alone move out. Certainly, there are many who survive leaving home at this age, especially those who seek independence, yet why?

Being in my mid-20’s, I think people look at me weird for still “living at home.” To be honest, I’m comfortable living here and see no necessity to move away. Of course when I have my own family one day, I’m sure I’ll leave ‘home’ – but I currently, there’s no legitimate reason why I should other than what society defines as the norm. Why must one leave home at a certain age – does it imply independence? In the past, I have pondered whether bebe looks down on me because I’m still at home and we’ve never really discussed that. To me, my whole life revolves around my family and I know many people use the word “weird” to describe people who sitll live at home with their parents. Of course my circumstance is a bit different as I live at home also because of my father who passed away a few years ago, leaving my mom on her own. I cannot fathom what sort of son would ditch his mother for the sake of being labeled as independent by society.

Don’t fool yourself, because I have a friend who asked me after my dad’s death whether I would move out. I asked why and I explained that it’s hard for my mom to life on her own without a source of income and no one to take care of her (since my mom had me, she has not been back into the workplace) as my Dad did all that – everything from finances to even doing the gardening. His response was that, “You should leave your mom behind, she’ll survive.” and to me, that was a pretty shitty thing to even think. Perhaps in his culture, as a white-Canadian, this is a totally acceptable thing, but to me, it is not. I know that it’s possible to fulfill a son’s obligations to his parents without living with them, but currently, I don’t have my own family yet, so of course I intend to take care of my mother in the same house until the situation presents itself where I can no longer do that. Had my father still been alive, moving out would of course be a potential route to take.

I think what people these days don’t realize is the cost of moving out. Everyone wants independance and of course if you have a family of your own, wife/husband/partner/kids, I can see it being a need, but to move out just because is foolish. Unless you have an amazing job, you will find trying to make ends meet is very hard. This is definitely a very culturally-based thing. Talking to an Indian coworker of mine, she says she has kids of various ages, from school-age to into their 30’s and many of them still live at home. She says, “I welcome and encourage my kids to live at home any time.” This is a very conflicting thing with Canadian societies expectations of kids being booted out of their homes. You will find many Asians live with their parents or even grandparents if they are lucky enough. Having a tight-knit family should not be discouraged. I suppose another big thing is that many people don’t get along with their parents. My retort to most people when they say I need to get out of the house is, “Just because YOU have a dysfunctional family and don’t get along with your parents, doesn’t mean I don’t!”

I live at home because not only do I have many advantages of having meals prepared and ya… even my bed made, but also because it’s financially sound. Why move out when there only needs to be one set of bills to be paid? Why move out and cause financial strain on both my mother and I? Why move out when we could cook-for-two and save money? Don’t forget things like utilities are generally fixed costs and you’re simply doubling it by moving out (two different locations). I think most people seek that independence so much it blinds them to the financial aspects. By living at home, in a few year’s time, I will have enough money to fully purchase a quarter-million dollar house with no mortgage by living at home. Let’s just say for the sake of argument, bebe can contribute the same amount, we could be living in a half-million dollar home easily and not owe the bank a cent. For anyone who’s holding a mortgage, you will know that the few thousand dollars you save every month could be used for LOTS of things. By living at home, the first year I worked full-time I had already saved up enough money to put a down-payment for a decently priced house. Now you must think that I just freeload, but I actually pay a good portion of the household bills, especially with my mom having no income, and of course my own stuff like car insurance, life insurance, internet, gas, etc. Do people not realize the savings for both your parents AND you by staying at home?

After having this conversation, I did think back about whether bebe has ever looked down on me for still being at home. I know we’re both very family-oriented people and value the importance of it, but I’m not sure if she views me poorly as a result. I mean, I still wouldn’t move out just to please her, but I would certainly want her to know the reasons why I’m at home, but also respecting the fact that one day when we’re financially capable, to move out on our own. When people ask me why I’m still at home, I simply tell them I have “no need to leave home right now.” Hell, I don’t even want to leave home until the situation presents itself. It’s not a matter of me not being able to fend for myself or that my mom is incapable of surviving, but it’s about making sound and rational decisions. For the most part, I get all the freedom I have being at home, than moving out. I’d dare say I get even more freedom since there are many things I don’t need to do know that I would being on my own (ok, I do admit to a bit of spoiling, but I’m not USELESS at least).

Our culture definitely plays a large role on how you perceive others or even yourself when it comes to “staying at home.” In many cultures, it’s pretty much acceptable to stay at home until you get married. In other cultures, this is totally frowned upon and makes you appear not self-sufficient enough. Many will give you weird looks or already generate prejudice based on who’s roof you live under. I think it’s much worse to “get a place of your own” in a dead-beat basement of someone’s home than living comfortably under the same roof with your loving family. Do I have short term plans to move out? No. Will I ever leave home? Probably. I think there’ll definitely be evolution as to what the plan is as bebe and I progress, but I don’t want her to believe that I’m going to latch on to mommy’s leg and not go anywhere. I have a responsibility to take care of my mother and I don’t want bebe to see this as being a burden on me where she will have to deal with the consequences of it. When the time comes, I will need to balance both sides and yet allowing bebe and I to have a place of our own to raise our own family.

Listening to a variety of my coworkers discuss their kids staying at home and such, it really places an emphasis that those who are not “of colour” are more likely to have kids who have moved out (or been booted out), more than those of non-Canadian culture. I love being Asian, yet living in Canada, but there are times when I find them my cultural mentality differs from what Canadian society expects and demands – because we are judged on such things. I proudly live at home, because I can save money, contribute to the well-being of my family and also take care of my mother. Yes, I am “older than what I should be” to still be at home, but I have the freedom here as I would with my own place. Funny that the other day I was discussing how my mom would not like it if I had girls over in my room because I was testing the traditionalistic side of my mom… only to find out she’s more accepting of reality than I expected. I said, “Well mom, you wouldn’t like it if a girl stayed overnight anyways…” and she said, “Well, I wouldn’t be happy if it was just a girl you just met, but if you have been dating her for a while, I’d be ok with it.” Suffice to say, I was quite surprized that my mom would be, of all people, to be so open to an idea such as that. Of course it’s not that I’m thinking about doing something like that, but it was to see how much freedom I really have “at home.” This is a great house and household to be living under and I have what others seek when they move out – freedom and independence… I have all that here, plus more!

Surprize Acupuncture and Weekend

Weird title eh, how the hell can someone get “surprize acupuncture”? Well, it’s probably a lot less exciting than it’s made out to be, but let me explain. I won’t even comment much about Friday since it was lazy as shit other than cleaning out my car and mowing the lawn. I’ll admit, I’ve been gaming a lot lately… more than I should, particularly to dull my senses of missing bebe. I won’t lie either, I do it because it reduces the amount of time and energy I have to mull over her. I miss her so much my heart wrenches, not that she would know the difference though. Either way, gaming helps days fly by where I can’t even decipher between Monday or Sunday… trying to survive these next few months. I want to hold her so tightly right now.

SURPRIZE! Get ready to be poked again.

On Saturday, I went out to see the TCM doctor as usual. As I was getting on the elevator, a pretty girl got aboard with me. We didn’t glance much and particularly with me, I don’t like or think it’s appropriate to stare down women, so I kept my eyes to myself. As we got off, looks like both of us were headed to the same place. Part way as I was fiddling with my phone, we began to talk. She was very open and after a few greetings, I inquired whether she came here often and how long. What happened next was shocking.

It turns out she’s been attending this place for 2 years now and does so weekly. I never ask what people come for, after all, some people may have private matters and health issues they do not want to share. I’m intrigued so I mention whether or not she feels acupuncture really helps with her issues, whatever they may be. Then the first thing she says is, “Oh, I find it’s very effective! I wanted to quit for a while and found out that I immediately went back to having period cramps and heavy flow every month…” and I just had no response for her. Here is this woman who has no idea who I am and openly sharing her menstrual issues with me. I didn’t feel offended in any way (obviously, lol) – but I was very surprized at how open some girls can be. This is of course a conversation about a very natural, anatomical process – but yet, periods are definitely a very intimate and private thing that most do not share openly, let alone some random stranger.

On to the “surprize acupuncture” part… I was expecting to TCM doctor to take my pulse and then mix some herbal medicine and off we went. As she was taking my pulse, she asked me to stick out my tongue, where it exposed that my body was in a very “hot and humid” state or 濕熱  (TCM terminology). She highly recommended me to do acupuncture this time, since for the past 3 weeks my body has been ok and she said I didn’t need it – but this week, I need to deal with my body trying to get rid of the toxins in the body that built up and can’t be released naturally. I was hesitant because it costs quite a bit of money each time and I have to endure pain – however, she also mentioned my body has much improved and it should no longer hurt. It’s hard to believe it since 3 weeks ago I did it and it was still not a good feeling. I accepted her offer since I do want to do what is good for my health. As I lied there awaiting the pain, I could feel the very familiar needle insertion in all the points… however, lo and behold, all except for one of the needles actually hurt this time. In fact, it felt almost awkwardly comfortable. As she explained, my health and blood-flow has improved and with fewer “blockages” – I actually will not experience pain like I once did. It felt so relaxing and liberating that I almost fell asleep as the electric zaps took place.

My friends and I hung around Scarborough for a bit and then headed back into Mississauga to catch a late lunch. We went to a restaurant that bebe and I had a fantastic date at before… it felt so nostalgic and I felt so nice being there as if bebe was sitting across from me again. I sighed a long sigh, yet, I could feel so warm and my mind went into a state of bliss. As painstaking and hurt that sometimes being with bebe makes me feel, I get to experience these lapses of beautiful happiness she brings me. It was a wonderful meal as usual and I also went to my friend’s place to help her fix her computer as it was having some weird problems.

I had a steak/fries lunch - although it definitely didn't look as nice as this!

Today was my friend’s birthday, so I had to go out to Mississauga again for her party at lunch. I didn’t get much computer time today and that’s why anyone waiting for a reply here or by email hasn’t received anything 😦 I got home late in the evening and gamed again to paralyze myself from spending too much time missing bebe. It’s almost as if I’m wasting my life away and while I’m immersed in the game I think not of her (oh who am I kidding? I think about her even when I’m playing the game), once I rest, my mind begins to dream of us together.

When I was in the car, my mom happened to talk to me about one of my ex’s L. It is weird because out of all the girls I know, my mom has a very positive image of her. They’ve never met or anything, but my mom, or rather, even my dad when he was alive, have a very fond reputation of her. I suppose my parents have heard me talk about her in the past to know, has seen her picture and also knows she’s very special to me. For those who follow my blog, it takes a very very special circumstance to get me into Toronto downtown and my parents know that if I go, it’s for someone I hold dearly. I only go there for L and for bebe, so ya, they obviously know my actions show that L’s a great girl. My mom of course pesters me if I ever “had feelings for her” and “want to date her” but I really don’t want to have to tell the history between her and I – so complex and long, haha. Speaking of Toronto, I found out my cousin in BC will be attending a wedding here, so hopefully I’ll get to spend a bit of time with him when he comes next June!

Coming up soon is Thanksgiving weekend already… hopefully be able to get my cousin to visit me and have some friends over for a gathering. Also, we’re trying to pre-gather for my mom’s birthday since a few of them will be leaving on a vacation which they won’t be back to catch her actual day to celebrate. I already booked tickets for a show at the Niagara Falls, Fallsview Theatre to go with my mom on her birthday, so it’ll be a nice way to spend Halloween (since her birthday’s that day) night since I don’t go “trick or treating” anymore. I can’t wait until I can go TT again… guess I have to wait until bebe and I take our kids out to do it 😆

Why would I post this picture? 'cuz it's supposed to be for ZzZz'ing which I want to do now, lol.

I’m not even looking forward to work in the morning. I have so many projects and so many things to handle I don’t even know if the 7 working hours are really enough to accomplish all that I have on my plate. I know it’s probably just because I’m still in lazy-mode from the summer of not doing much. I suppose I need to wash the outside of my car soon because autumn season has caused birds to crap on my car non-stop or something. I also don’t have anything in particular planned this week or for the weekend, which doesn’t give me much to look forward to… although I think because I stay up so late gaming now that I’m starting to not sleep enough. I better watch that, so rather than talk about it, it’s 12:38AM and I should get some shut-eye instead!

Toodles.

Closer You Are, the Shyer You Get

I was just pondering my own thoughts today. I find myself often reflecting on my own personality and actions. To me, it’s a very important thing to do because I believe it helps build character in a person. Without understand yourself, how can you possibly expect to understand others? Today I went through my normal day, work and home. However, during those hours, I also did many things which helped make-up my day and I thought to myself how interesting it’d be for me to step back analyze myself.

I’ve concluded to myself that as much as I’m shy with girls – that’s only true with 2 types of girls. 1) The ones I don’t know at all and 2) the one I like. Please take due note that I said “one” not “ones” 😆 So where does it leave all the other ones? Well, the ones that I’m not shy with are girls who I do know, but have no interest in. I spend a lot of time talking to girls and one would think it’s only about periods – but that’s not true. Other than my ‘girls’ and god-sisters, I can be quite aggressive towards them. Now I guess everyone defines aggression a bit differently, but let’s just say that unlike treating a girl I like, I’m completely un-shy with them. Easiest way to think of this is the stuff I say to girls who I know is definitely not something I’d say to bebe… or at least not ’til she opens up to me and take the overly-flirtatious side of me, hah.

I can be quite flirty with girls, even when they’re completely without intentions. I guess it’s a bit easier, particularly with the girls at work only because they’re usually married and have many years on top of me, so relationship isn’t even a consideration or thought. Even the youngest girl in my building is 13 years older than me (but still young at heart, rawr) and is totally fun to hang out with and still capable of taking a joke or a platonic pass at. We kid back and forth and it’s fun, keeps us youthful, yet we know where to keep the line clear. There’s of course no infidelity involved whatsoever. Nevertheless, I suppose it helps keep things at work lighthearted because our jobs can be pretty boring and slow sometimes. Also, I think there’s something just fun about harmless flirting as long as both sides don’t go overboard or anything – and it’s not like I’m falling in love with her instead of bebe. Suffice to say, everyone has different views… some think harmless flirting is ok, and others do not. My stance is just to “keep it clean” (nothing that would damage a relationship) and everyone’s happy.

Oh right… back to my point – I’m much more confident at flirting and teasing girls who I’m not romantically interested in. I’m pretty shy with bebe in terms of how far I carry the flirting. I mean as traditional and shy as bebe is, don’t kid yourself, she can be quite the flirty one and has made me smile, grin and giggle like a little school boy in love for the first time before. She’s made my heart swoon and faint before at things she’s said and done. Nevertheless, perhaps it is also because I’m interested in her – I’m also cautious. Things that I’d dare say and discuss with other girls, I may not with her. It’s not a matter of hiding secrets, because there’s nothing I wouldn’t tell her, but it’s a matter of feeling more liberated when it’s other girls you AREN’T interested in.

Case in point, when one of the girls asked me to do something for her today as a favour (outside of my job duties), I said I would, but that it’d, “cost her”… and of course knowing the typical guy thinking, she was like, “Ok, do you want me to take off my shirt or pants? You only get to choose one” and I replied, “Hrm.. tough choice, I think I’d want both… how about I just…” and I proceeded to pretend (YES, just pretend) to motion unzipping my pants and said, “How about you close that door and make sure no one hears you” and we both laughed. Hell, we never think about taking things further – she has her husband and I have bebe, but it’s fun just to bring some laughter and light to our mundane jobs. Something like that, I would never, ever dare say to bebe, EVEN if she instigated it (probably to test my resistance, haha).

I talk to a couple of my Malaysian girl readers a lot… you’d figure out who they are if you followed my blog long enough to notice 2 who posted a lot before and less now – since we’re spending most of our chatting time over IM instead of here. Again, those two, we can discuss such wide variety of things, period included, but still, our topics wander afar and we share sometimes the most intimate things with each other. I guess there’s solace to sharing things with people who can’t “impact your life directly” – but I think I share it with them because I feel much more confident and comfortable flirting with girls who I don’t have feelings for or worry about their perception of me.

I do really care about how bebe thinks about me, as much as I say that “people should accept each other for who they are” – I certainly don’t deny changing for her or trying to “fit what she wants.” Obviously there are fundamental things I wouldn’t change about me, but I would say I’m not as flirty with bebe, not because I don’t want to be, but because I have to “watch my step” much more than with girls I don’t care (romantically) about. I can literally “flirt up a storm” because I can be (now don’t call me egoistic), quite charming, gentlemanly (when I need to be) and… even CONFIDENT – for every girl, except for the girl I love. For some reason, around a girl I like, sometimes I lack that confidence. I think by nature, women like confident men and that’s nothing unusual. However, I often have to stir up that confidence with bebe because I worry about how she perceives me and I’m careful of what I do/say. With other girls who I don’t have feelings for, I can tease them and get them riled up like no tomorrow. I’m confident, exuberant and cocky – because the worst that can happen is they stop talking to me 😛 But obviously with a girl I love and care about, I want to have a sure footing before trying to wander down a romantic path!

I think it’s easier for me to be “bad” (bad-naughty) to other girls than to bebe. Maybe it’s also bebe is a bit more resistant to advances and ‘dirty’ things, that I tread carefully when I’m pulling jokes that other girls would hold their stomachs laughing at. I will admit, maybe because I’m comparing my normal flirty self with bebe, it’s a bit different. Don’t read this as me blaming her for anything, she just requires a different approach than other girls I’ve been with. With all my other girls, they tend to enjoy dating a guy who is confident enough to be cocky, yet not overbearing, and one that can make their heart melt with the right words. I guess having enough girl-friends and god-sis’ I can usually come up with the right words to say just to make them turn a frown upside down. As easy as girls are to get angry, it’s also the same for making them smile and what guy would not want to see a girl happy anyways? The things that I’m so accustomed to doing to soften girls up don’t work on bebe (or as well) and I have to reconsider what things I can do and say. Some of the conversations I have with my girls I cannot even fathom discussing with bebe.

Bebe’s the only girl other than my own mother who I let touch my phone in unlocked mode and not watching every selection they touch – seriously. Whenever I let someone use my phone in any way, I’m hovering over them (and I have a right to, it’s MY phone) making sure they’re not going through my stuff or breaking it. To say that I have something to hide is not true, because she’s the only other person in this world I trust giving my phone to and not need to watch what she’s doing on it. I rarely wipe out my text messages, so if she really wanted to, she could’ve checked all 2 years of my communication on it with other girls and I would have nothing to hide. The things is, I suppose certain topics of conversation is much easier to discuss with someone else, because the repercussions is minimalized.

I suppose that’s my own analysis of myself… I’m less shy, more flirtatious and much higher self confidence and willing to take risks with girls I have no feelings for, than one who I love and care about. Of course as our relationship (hopefully, pray to God) progresses that I’ll be able to share the real sides of me with her as well and be able to openly talk to each other and know what is real, fake and all-in-good-nature without having to explicitly say so. It is in truth that bebe once pointed out that we often don’t “get” what we say to each other, perhaps because the way we were brought up and perceive things – what she says in a certain manner/tone may be different than how I perceive. We’ve gotten into arguments before over simple misunderstandings and as shaming as that may be, it’s how relationships grow and one person learns about another. I hope I can one day be confident enough to dare be openly flirty with her. Most of my flirts with her in the past has always been normal conversations with a flirting-undertone which I’m not sure if she senses or not, haha. I can be quite covert when I need to be 😛 Likewise, bebe’s pretty good with making me faint without even trying hard, HAH.

You know what they say about “innocent girls” anyways 😀

I believe flirting can be healthy as long as it doesn’t go too far. I do recall bebe telling me that she flirts/is flirted with by guys and it’s not that I don’t feel the jealousy, lol, but it’d be very contradicting of me to say she can’t do that when I enjoy it. As long as at the end of day, we know where our heart stands and who we’re coming home to – that’s all that matters. I mean in time, I do hope that I get my daily fix of flirting from her and I don’t even bother with other girls, because I’d much rather us make each other happy than another guy or girl! Sometimes just brush across the arm can be as effective as a long passionate kiss.

The day that I can feel confident in front of bebe… I’ll know we’re getting somewhere and that our relationship is only going to get better – forever.

Love is wonderful, ain’t it?

Oh… on another happy note – waiting for one of my girls’ period to start, YAY for good fortune!

Incognito Samples Are Here!

For those who have read one of my previous reviews and hypes about Incognito pads, found rarely in Ontario – you’ll be happy to know that this Quebec-grown company is now spreading their influence outside of their local province. The sample looks really cool as it gives a variety of products for you to test, including pantiliners, ultra thin pads and tampons – along with a pamphlet. Included is also a tin carrying case which is similar to the Kotex Luxe lines found in Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand and Philippines. Although the sample itself is for young-women as their “First Period Kit”, it’s still a great way for post-menarche women to test out a new product that may lead you down to exploring and switching to some of Incognito’s great products!

Better jump on the offer and get your free sample today! From the last update of my previous entry, Incognito now has TWENTY NINE (29) products, ranging from pantiliners, ultra thin pads, maxi pads, tampons and feminine cleansing cloths. Unlike most of the “brand-name” pads in North America, a few of their products not only act as a form of menstrual protection, but is also capable of dealing with light incontinence and one for maternity use.

Although it has been a while since I’ve bought and tested any Incognito products, it has definitely proven to have a lasting, positive impression – everything from the innovative channel designs, elastic side-guards, body contour, comfort, absorbency and of course, affordability! Incognito may still be rather evasive in stores, but I’ve read that it can be purchased (outside of Quebec) at Walmart, but have yet to verify this. I’m not a big fan of Walmart myself, but I’ll make sure I put it on my “to do” list and check it out. However, Giant Tiger stores do stock Incognito and their prices doesn’t make your head spin.

I also found a coupon that doesn’t expire until the end of this year! I’m not sure how many stores will take these printable coupons, so better find out ahead of time or if you’re willing to take a shot at it either way. I have not verified whether this coupon is accepted and whether it’s usable outside of Quebec… so if you find something out, please let me know.

For your convenience, the $1-off coupon is provided above, however, I recommend you check out their awesome new site anyways! The official company coupon can be found here.

I have to say, while their site isn’t as interactive and engaging as other large sites hosted by Always/Tampax or Kotex – I did read through many of their sections and enjoyed the layout and content of it, short, simple and yet, effective. The “floating box” they have on the left side that changes with each section/refresh cycle gives some new insight on every page you navigate through, including the ability to “add a comment” to a particular pop-up or even “love” the information (probably to simulate the LIKE button of Facebook). The Q&A sections need some work as it could use a bit more info and all.

The biggest thing you will probably notice is the site (in my opinion) hasn’t been fully converted and some things still appear in French, in their English version of the page. For the most part though, all main body content has been changed, but some title texts haven’t. Nevertheless, I guess they have all the right to still honour their native language! Under the personalized tools section, there’s also a simple period calendar to help you predict your menstrual cycle. It’s a bit unfortunate that unlike other tampon makers that they didn’t include any pictures to understand the concept of tampon insertion as it can be a very foreign thing for girls who’ve just started their period and don’t understand how it works. I understand information like this will probably be included in the tampon box as well in the usual fold-ups, but it’d be nice to have something like this on the website as well for a “one-stop shop.”

For those who have access to a Giant Tiger, give Incognito a shot! Poke around some smaller stores, home-grown shops and MAYBE even Walmart and you never know what you’ll find. I can’t imagine that Incognito hasn’t become popular yet given their great products and as my dedicated reader Andie says, it’s “made in Canada” and that’s important in helping our economy and local manufacturers 😀

Recently, I’ve noticed in my eBay updates that there are more and more sellers offering sanitary napkins from other countries, particularly from Asia. I’m happy to see this and perhaps one day soon, shipping of those pads from those countries won’t be super-expensive. I’ve seen some shipping prices down to $4.99-6.99 which isn’t all too bad, however, you never know if you’re going to get nailed at customs so it’s best to buy them in smaller quantities. The last time I wanted to get some Laurier and Sofy pads shipped from Malaysia and Kotex Whites from Hong Kong, it was like $20 shipping for a $3 pack of pads, lol, talk about nuts. I was like, “Are you kidding me?” … especially when the item is not exactly “heavy.” Still, I understand something traveling half-way across the world is not cheap, but surely, there needs to be some economical options!

On a final note before closing for the night, I do believe Costco has jumbo boxes of Playtex Tampons (84) regular or super coupon for $3.20 off from the original price of $15.59 – or $12.39 post-coupon. I actually only know one girl who uses Playtex, so I guess not many of my girls will benefit from this, but have to be fair and spread the news anyways!

Tampons: Virginity and You – Will I Lose It?

Hiho, finally got a new topic to write about as I received some questions by email. The reader writes…

Hello,

I follow your blog with great interest.

[…]

My question is, will wearing tampons affect the virginity? Can only non virgins wear tampons, or virgins can too, or will it tear the hymen?

Thanks,
[Name]

This has always been a very large misunderstanding for those who have been brought up with a more conservative and perhaps in some cases, old-fashion thinking. I will have to say from growing up in a traditional Asian household, that I can relate to the way-of-thinking when it comes to trying to accept something “outside” of the way that “things always have been” and in the sense of menstruation, it is something that is not spoken out, simply dealt with and sanitary napkins/pads being the default and only choice of menstrual protection. Suffice to say, many mothers and perhaps fathers, believe that the usage of tampons will cause the loss of virginity in their daughter(s). Even if the misunderstanding between the link of tampons and virginity is not present, a sizable number of Asian women simply don’t even bother considering tampons.

Obviously, there are Asian girls out there who use tampons, my ex-ex being one of them, but certainly, out of all my Asian girlfriends I’ve had, only one did but yet out of my 2 white/Caucasian girlfriends, both did. Now of course given my lack of dating girls of many cultures, these aren’t very viable statistics, but I have dated more Asian girls than those of other cultures and that means that’s a 100% tampon-use ratio for the non-Asian girls and only 20% of Asian girls. Although my ex and god-sis did try them on my suggestion, I’m not going to consider them ‘regular’ users of tampons.

O.B Tampon Pro Comfort, Sponsored by Beijing 2008 Olympics

There are two things that play a great part when it comes to the mentality considering tampons, culture and religion. I’m obviously not going to even start a topic of whether I believe X culture is right or Y religion is true, it’s simply that one’s upbringing is likely to have a large influence on menstrual protection choices, if not in later years, but at least the first few years post-menarche.

To first understand the non-existent link between virginity and tampon usage, one must first understand virginity. Virginity can be a hotly debated topic and I can’t possibly cover all angles, so let’s just keep it simple. According to Encarta dictionary, virginity is defined as:

vir·gin[ vúrjin ]

somebody who has never had sexual intercourse

So where exactly do you draw the line on intercourse? Sex used to be a very defined thing, you put it in, pull it out – and it’s not so easy to draw the line anymore. Are you still a virgin if there is no penetration? What category does oral sex fall under? What about sexual relations between homosexual couples? Different cultures, religions and value-systems will have a different take on virginity but for now, let’s consider this the old fashion way, where we consider “intercourse” to only be the insertion of a penis into the vagina.

sex·u·al in·ter·course

an act carried out for reproduction or pleasure involving penetration, especially one in which a man inserts his erect penis into a woman’s vagina

So, the loss of virginity is related to sexual intercourse and not by using of a wad of cotton, a.k.a – a tampon! For many cultures and religions, virginity is a big thing – especially when it comes to the loss of virginity outside of a relationship or marriage. Nevertheless, there are also misconceptions about virginity tied to the hymen as an indicator of virginity. Let’s take a look at what is and the purpose of the hymen as defined by about.com:

What Is the Hymen?

The hymen is a piece of tissue that, during development, blocks some or all of the entrance to the vagina. It exists in many species, and scientists have no real understanding of its purpose in humans.

The hymen being a mere piece of tissue is subject to forces substantial enough to be torn or ripped through daily, non-sexual activities such as bike riding, horse riding, gymnastics, etc. and isn’t necessarily related to a virginal status of a woman. The hymen can certainly break through masturbation or self-exploration It is of course possible to tear the hymen when using tampons, however, as I noted above, virginity and whether the hymen is intact or not does not define whether a woman is or is not a virgin. Furthermore, it is also not impossible for slight penetration to occur (thus causing the loss of virginity) without breaking the hymen as the tissue itself is able to stretch without fully tearing it. The breaking of the hymen may or may not include some bleeding or pain and it happens as a result of inserting a tampon, it is unlikely to be noticed anyways.

It’s hard to say without statistics whether more women are likely to “open up” with tampons after she loses her virginity. I know girls who’ve started using tampons well before they lost their virginity and girls who started using tampons post-losing their virginity – however, I do not believe there is a correlation, only coincidence. There are of course girls who lose their virginity and never use tampons because they feel using pads works for them already. I suppose that after a girl loses her virginity, she feels more comfortable with having something inserted within her. The fear of tampon insertion is generally the biggest thing for young women, whether it is the messiness, embarrassment or the lack of understanding of her own genitalia. No doubt, for girls who have not had sex or masturbated, knowledge of that area tends to be very shallow and may contribute to a more shy-approach to using tampons.

Nevertheless, the bottom line answer is that tampons do not result in loss of virginity. Sexual intercourse results in the loss of virginity (however you want to define sex). Virgins and non-virgins can both use tampons. Tampons may or may not rip/tear the hymen. The hymen is not a indicator of virginity. Although this isn’t the theme of my blog or topic directly, but please remember to practice safe-sex to minimize/prevent transmission of STD’s, especially if you’re not in/with a monogamous partner/relationship and you’re not ready/want to take on the responsibilities of potentially conceiving a child or children.

Here’s a laugh… the amusement starts mostly at 1:20 but to get the entire laugh, you can watch the entire 2 minute-and-something clip… Just laughed at how true the dialogue was…

Trying to Contemplate Happiness in Many Ways

I’m always a person who strives to be a better person and to engage in self-improvement. God only knows that I have a long way before I achieve it, but every little steps count. As you can tell, every once in a while I’ll blog like mad and other times, I don’t feel the same motivation. In a way, I feel like I let down the theme of my blog whenever I can’t come up with something on-topic. Let’s be real, even if every single day I updated something on my blog about menstruation and did it for the next 10 years, I probably wouldn’t be able to keep up with it, but of course my brain hardly has the capacity to know that much about it. When I overburden my blog with personal posts, I feel as if I’m suffocating my period-related posts – ACK, what a dilemma.

There are times when I think back 20 years ago, when my family and I struggled (compared to today) to keep our bills paid, food on the table and roof over our head. How far we have came since then where we now have a house, car (cars at one point), luxury goods, money for entertainment, etc. yet I’m not quite sure whether our happiness has truly increased. I would dare say that when we didn’t have so much, life’s expectations seemed to be more easily fulfilled and as such, happiness seemed to be found easier. Back then, going to a beach with a ball and a picnic basket full of food seemed to me like as if I won the lottery. Now, it seems like happiness is harder to find because now we expect so-much-more to satisfy those same needs. Likewise, a McDonald’s fries was a luxury meal and now, even when I’m eating abalone (an expensive Asian delicacy), it makes me want something better. While I think it’s very normal to have goals and strive for things, do we not find happiness as easy to achieve as we “progress” in life and social status?

I really can’t remember who I found this off of, I think it was Poh Ching (only because she spams her Facebook wall regularly with stuff that I can’t even keep up), but it really made me think how we can be happy synthetically. This isn’t a matter of smiling and pretending you’re happy when you’re not, but it’s about accepting what we have as the “easier way out” and yet, still feeling happy with our choices in the end. It kind of made me laugh because I think if bebe just sucked it up and stuck it out with me long enough, she could synthetically be happy with me and in the end, be really happy since happiness and satisfaction itself can be fictitiously generated by our brains. It was an interesting thought and obviously a natural goal would be for her to truly, genuinely care for me like I do for her, but in the worst case scenario, synthetic happiness with me wouldn’t be a poor alternative given it develops into emotional and psychological happiness in time. You may be completely perplexed at what the hell i’m talking about, but it’ll make sense once you watch this. She may always think about whether she could’ve ended up with a better guy, but if she settled for me and her psychological immune system kicked in, she may realize I’m not that bad… HAHAHA:

http://www.ted.com Dan Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness, challenges the idea that well be miserable if we dont get what we want. Our “psychological immune system” lets us feel truly happy even when things dont go as planned.

TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world’s leading thinkers and doers are invited to give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes — including speakers such as Jill Bolte Taylor, Sir Ken Robinson, Hans Rosling, Al Gore and Arthur Benjamin. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, and Design, and TEDTalks cover these topics as well as science, business, politics and the arts. Watch the Top 10 TEDTalks on TED.com, at
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/top10

Some random thoughts of the week…. Thursday we got a call from that friend I helped to study in Canada telling me that his parents will we leaving back to Hong Kong on Saturday and wanted to have another dinner with us. This time, they chose a Japanese all-you-can-eat place in our city’s downtown. I mean seriously, 4 buffets over a course of two weeks is a bit intense but sigh, can’t really reject when someone’s doing a pre-flight gathering. Of course I went nuts on the Sashimi and also because apparently that girl (refer to this post if you forgot and care) likes the same type of Japanese food as I do, it was awesome that we sat across from each other to split food since a lot of the other people didn’t dare eat the same stuff we did 😀

One thing I must say though, taking a bit of time to freshen yourself up and put on some decent clothes (it’s not about price, it’s about matching your look/style/enhancing assets/reducing flaws), that one can look really good. I remember when I met her the first time a few weeks ago, she wasn’t really that particular, but this time that she wore something that fit her well, she looked a lot better than last time. I think that’s the thing with girls – all it takes is a bit of maintenance (not even requiring make-up), and it really makes a huge difference. I guess it would be like the equivalent of a guy who normally has a clean shave and lets it grow for half a year and then he looks like he’s some bum off the street. She definitely had a nice look this time and there was no make-up on, which is nice because it’s not really necessary for naturally beautiful girls (like bebe :P) to look nice. As usual, I simply appreciate the girl’s beauty, but I’m not in love with her like I am with another special girl – I’m a good boy, see? 😆 One of those go-to-far-feminists will probably say, “We don’t have to look good just on the account of men!”… well true enough – but all I’m saying is that with some at-home maintenance before you go out, girls can look like a totally different person!

Today was nothing particularly exciting, but relaxing. We went out early morning to do the usual pulse-testing and get this weeks herbal. Still trying to tackle the oily scalp issue as that’s definitely the primary cause of my hair shedding. I will have to give it to her that my hair is thicker now at the top, but the receding hairline, sides and back are still a concern. However, I think with MPB, the typical loss is at the top which makes styling very hard when you have a huge gaping hole in your head. With hair on the top, it makes styling much easier as you can do a close shave along the back and sides, leaving only the top and if you have enough hair, it is simply a “style”. Even though I still see hair shedding and some thinning at the front, I’m trying to keep-my-cool and stay positive. I’m also trying to remember that I can be synthetically happy – “Losing hair isn’t that bad, I just have to change my haircut or shave it completely in the worst case!” … but the reality is that bebe has made me really self-conscious of my hair because she loves it so much. I try to generate that psychological immunity to believing it’s ok even if it happens but can’t get over the fact that I will disappoint her in the future. Maybe subconsciously it’s also why I’m trying to push the relationship along, so that she learns to love something concentrate about me, rather than the fuzz on my head. I do admit I love my hair and would save it if I could, but I also won’t die without it… however, I will probably die without bebe in my life because she’s important to me.

Anyways… back to a note of happiness, I was just going through Poh Ching’s blog as usual and found something directed at me!!! =O

You were right – THANK YOU!

Prexus, this post is for you!

You were right about the going out to meet people instead of wallowing in sadness alone at home!

It’s kind of nice to see that I’ve made a positive impact on someone’s life for once!

Normally when I reblog, I try to only do a snippet of it – but this is much too great to not honour the ENTIRE posting…

We All Married the Wrong Person

Couples in crisis often reach the point where they decide they are just two poorly matched people. This precedes the decision to leave the relationship and go in search of that “right person.” Unfortunately, the odds of a successful marriage go down for each attempt at a new marriage. Psychiatrist and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men and The Secrets of Happily Married Women and The Secrets of Happy Families, Scott Haltzman, MD, says in truth, they are correct; we all married the wrong person. I found his comments from TV interviews so intriguing that I requested an interview with him to delve into the topic.Dr. Haltzman says even if we think we know a person well when we marry them, we are temporarily blinded by our love, which tends to minimize or ignore attributes that would make the relationship complicated or downright difficult. In addition, both individuals bring different expectations to the marriage, and we change individually and as a couple over time. No one gets a guarantee of marrying the right person, says Dr. Haltzman, so you should assume you married the wrong person. That doesn’t mean your marriage can’t be successful, however.

“Most of us spend a lot of time filtering through possible mates in hopes that we will end up with the right match. Some people believe it’s an issue of finding a soul mate … the one true partner. Whether or not you enter into marriage believing your partner is THE one, you certainly believe he or she is A right person for you,” says Dr. Haltzman.

He explains that if the success of a marriage were based on making the right choice, then those who carefully chose a good match would continue to sustain positive feelings the majority of the time, and over a long period. The theory would be proven correct that choosing well leads to success.  “But the divorce rate in and of itself stands as a great testament to the fallacy of that theory,” says Dr. Haltzman. Even the couples who remain married don’t describe themselves as completely happy with each other, he adds, but rather committed to one another.

“If we believe we must find the right person to marry, then the course of our marriage becomes a constant test to see if we were correct in that choice,” says Dr. Haltzman, adding that today’s culture does not support standing by our promises. Instead, he says we receive the repeated message, “You deserve the best.” These attitudes contribute to marital dissatisfaction, he says.

Dr.  Haltzman shared some research with me about the negative effects in our consumer society of having too many choices—which may lead to increased expectations and lower satisfaction. A book called The Choice Paradox by Barry Schwartz shares research that flies in the face of conventional wisdom. (I will have another post about this topic soon, because there is much insight to glean.) I’ll cut to the chase and reveal that people are happier with the choices they make when there are relatively few choices from which to choose. With too many choices, we can become overburdened and regretful and constantly question our decision. Today, individuals may feel they have many choices of mates, and fear lost opportunities with potential “right” partners. This may happen even after a person is married, as he or she questions the decision to marry with each bump in the road.

“My basic philosophy is we have to start with the premise when we choose our partner that we aren’t choosing with all the knowledge and information about them,” says Dr. Haltzman. “However, outside of the extreme scenarios of domestic violence, chronic substance abuse, or the inability to remain sexually faithful—which are good arguments for marrying the wrong person on a huge scale, and where it is unhealthy or unsafe to remain married—we need to say, ‘This is the person I chose, and I need to find a way to develop a sense of closeness with this person for who he or she really is and not how I fantasize them to be.’”

That choice to work on the relationship can lead to a more profound, meaningful experience together. Dr. Haltzman offers the following tips to help us reconnect or improve our bond:

• Respect your mate for his/her positive qualities, even when they have some important negative ones.
• Be the right person, instead of looking for the right person.
• Be a loving person, instead of waiting to get love.
• Be considerate instead of waiting to receive consideration.

To underscore the last couple of points, Dr. Haltzman says many people will put only so much effort into a relationship, then say, “I’ve done enough.” But very few of us will do that with our children. “Instead, we say despite their flaws, we wouldn’t want anyone else; yet, our kids can be much more of a pain in the ass than our spouses.”

Finally, he advises, “Have the attitude that this is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, so you must find a way to make it work instead of always looking for the back door.”

For more information on Dr. Haltzman or his books, visit DrScott.com or 365Reasons.com. Many thanks to Dr. Haltzman for sharing his time, wisdom and advice.

via Marriage Gems

I highly encourage you to read the comments of the entry as there are some insights that are real eye-openers…

http://lifegems4marriage.com/2010/09/10/we-all-married-the-wrong-person/#comments

I think deeply about what I’m trying to accomplish in my relationship life… I really want bebe to love me for the person I am, by showing her who I am… it doesn’t mean I think I’m perfect enough to be EVERYTHING that she wants, but I can say that I’m at least good enough to provide what she needs in a relationship…

I look at what is encouraged of us..

Respect your mate for his/her positive qualities, even when they have some important negative ones.

Absolutely… I will never say that I find absolutely 0 faults in who she is, but I feel she has many more positive qualities than I could even offset with negatives. We’re not perfect beings and I can certainly accept that there are things I may think whether I could tolerate in a life-long commitment, but I believe that with all the things I can love about her, I won’t even consider it being a deal-breaker.

Be the right person, instead of looking for the right person.

This is my goal because I can’t keep simply looking for love and simply change from one girl to another… it’s a matter of showing bebe that I’m the right person, not that just she’s right for me. What REALISTIC things does she desire from a guy and I’ll try to fulfill it.

Be a loving person, instead of waiting to get love.

This I can already do… I haven’t given her and shown her all that I care for her, because I know it’ll be a while before I get the same affection in return. Nevertheless, just because I don’t receive, doesn’t mean I don’t give! The feeling of giving when you truly, deeply, madly (lol, song by Savage Garden…) care and love someone, you feel the need to show them, it’s not something humanly controllable – it simply is. She may wonder that albeit how she treats me why I can endure it, but because it’s an undeniable feeling of wanting to express myself regardless of whether there is gain for me.

Be considerate instead of waiting to receive consideration.

This is a tough one when it comes to relationships because we’ll always want to put our own priorities and mentality first. I need to make improvements on this, because I want and need to be more considerate of her, yet still heeding to my own needs and happiness.

When I read the following excerpt, it almost shocked me to believe that what I feel to be true in our complex society, is not just something in my head and that there are those who professionally and scientifically, believe so…

Dr.  Haltzman shared some research with me about the negative effects in our consumer society of having too many choices—which may lead to increased expectations and lower satisfaction. […] I’ll cut to the chase and reveal that people are happier with the choices they make when there are relatively few choices from which to choose. With too many choices, we can become overburdened and regretful and constantly question our decision. Today, individuals may feel they have many choices of mates, and fear lost opportunities with potential “right” partners. This may happen even after a person is married, as he or she questions the decision to marry with each bump in the road.

Thank you Poh Ching for allowing me to read such an amazing article… I always thought that, “I’m the only one who thinks like this…” – but the reality is that our happiness is right under our noses or that we want to believe there’s always something better when in turn, we may already own it. I am not blind to mine and bebe’s flaws… we both have them and to continually question ourselves if we can “always do better” is only sinking us into a whole and that’s why I’ve committed my soul and dedicated my years to come to chasing her until her heart will think of no other!

Life used to be so simple back when our parents were growing up… if you showed a person you loved them enough, they would love you in return – everlasting… now people want to “explore” so much they’ve lost the ability to feel emotions in return. People used to love realistically, now people love superficiality. We need to set our era’s back, because simple love, is the best and one true love.

Good Person Gone Bad – Karma Fails

Intriguing title, no?

On Friday, it was just an ordinary work-day, did a bit here and there, diddly-dallied with some coworkers and then had lunch with one of our temporary employees who was working his last day to return to school. It’s sad to see him go, but hopefully his next work placement, he will be back. Other than his thick Chinese accent when speaking English, he’s a very hard worker and a smart one. My dad and I were the first two Chinese people ever hired within our department. I remember my boss jokingly told me one time that, “If we hired 5 Chinese people, they could replace the entire department at the rate you guys work at!” and I laughed. I used to be just like that, at work early, work hard throughout the entire day and work later than everyone else.

Perhaps a cultural thing, but over 4-5 months of working there, I already adopted the same laziness as everyone else. Everyone thinks this is some conspiracy (jokingly) that they’re beginning to hire more Chinese people because we tend to put in the “extra effort” to get the job done and even the work-term student we got is Chinese. It’s not to say there aren’t people of different background and cultures who work equally, if not more, hard – but the reality is you will find that the general consensus is that we’re so used to pushing ourselves “back at home” that here in Canada, it is actually “above and beyond” what is expected.

Anyways, yes, so we went to eat Japanese Buffet (Sushi) and this is already the second time in the same week. I really didn’t want to because you know, you tend to try to get your monies worth at a buffet, so essentially you’re walking a path of unhealthiness. Suffice to say, we had a great time and the department is back to one Asian person – me 😆 Although I didn’t work directly with him or even talk to him a lot, it feels lonely when you’re the only person “of another culture” at work. You could say I work in a very white-oriented organization.

OK, so enough of that… let’s rewind to Thursday because I have no idea why I jumped ahead. I have a very disorganized brain. Thursday was a severely fucked up day. A few weeks ago I had asked my cousin whether she wanted me to pick up her from the airport and drop her off at her place in Toronto. I miss my cousin because we don’t see each other a lot, even if we’re only a mere 70km away from each other and if you’re not an Ontarian, you need to know 70km is not considered “far”. I thought if I picked her up at the airport, it’d be a nice way to spend a bit of time together before (her) school starts again.

Unfortunately she did not confirm that she wanted to have me pick her up and just the previous night before her return, she told me that she needed a ride. Ack, because on the same evening, I had committed myself to going to a friend’s birthday dinner. The good thing is that it was a guy’s birthday dinner, so it was easier for me to tell him I had to leave after an hour. It was great because we went to the same place I mentioned above, for Japanese food,  but dinner menu also offers my favourite, SASHIMI!! I only had an hour to stuff myself and it’s pretty painful to do that, but I also needed to get out to the airport. It takes an hour for me to get there and as luck would have it, there was a bit of heavy rainfall that slow traffic down a bit. However, I did get there on time and picked her up.

We had a nice chat on the ride back to her place in Toronto downtown. I hate driving in downtown because you have to contend with so much shit. Pedestrians, motorists nor bikers follow the laws of the road, they simply do as they see fit. I love Canada for all the amenities we have and that we protect human rights, but sometimes it’s just too much. I wish we’d adopt a bit of China’s rules when it comes to traffic. For instance, if you step out on the street when you’re not supposed to and someone hits you, you deserve it. The person who hit you should not have to pay you insurance because you violated the law and if you lost a leg – TOO FUCKING BAD. In China, if you get hit while crossing illegally, it’s your own damn fault. We give way too much credit to human rights here that people begin to abuse it. Back on track – so yes, I dislike driving in Toronto downtown because people are not careful and respectful of others needs. However, sometimes driving there is unavoidable. About 9ish, I arrived at my cousins place with her. All I have to say is her place is damn spiffy and times like these, I wish I were born into a rich family. 2 months of rent for her is about a year’s worth of property tax for me. I parked the car at her place because she had a parking spot. We walked over to a quaint little diner across the street and she got a waffle and I had a ice cream float. At first I thought the prices were a bit steep but once I saw the portion-size, my eyes exploded. Still being extremely full from eating a buffet dinner, obviously I could not even put anymore food in my body.

We departed and I began to drive home and here’s where the fucked up part begins. As I’m headed towards the highway exit, the left rear-side of my car gets hit by a fucking bus because the asshole probably didn’t bother checking his blind-spot on a lane change. As we weren’t moving very fast (luckily), the damage was minimal. I think he was very afraid because he pulled back in his lane and waited for me to flag him down to the side to exchange insurance information. I looked at my side mirror to check for visible damage – nothing. I looked in my rear mirror to check for trunk damage – nothing. I know the impact wasn’t very great because I’ve been rear-ended before and it was very similar, just a “tap” and probably traded a bit of paint.

Having something like that happened pissed me off because as I said, I hate driving in Toronto. When you’re a bus driver, you have more than just the life of yourself in your hands – ALL the passenger on it lie in your driving skills and how can you ignore something as basic as checking your blind spot. I thought about stopping since you’re supposed to, but I couldn’t be assed for several reasons. One was because the damage wasn’t severe and two was because I just turned 25 and my insurance went down, the last thing I want to do is to claim $50 of damage and have my premiums go up by a thousand. Screw it I thought – he’s probably shitting himself already and that’s enough vengeance as it stands. Had I not recently had an insurance premium drop as a result of my age, you sure as hell would expect me to make him stop and exchange information! Times like these I also wish we had a bit of United States within us where citizens could carry guns legally. I’d probably get out of my car and shot that bus or put a bullet through the drivers head for such blatant disregard of shitty lane-changing. Toronto downtown streets are tight and people just care about themselves and thus I avoid driving there. I didn’t bother stopping only because it was for the sake of myself – so this guy/girl should really consider him/herself REALLY REALLY lucky. Of course I know by law you should stop either way, but oh well. By the time I got home and got out of the car, it was only a long white streak and some cosmetic damage to the rear bumper.

Rather than telling my mom a bus hit me, I just told her someone bumped into my car in the parking lot at work. It was for the best and although I hate lying to my own mother, she’d be very worried if she found out I was in an accident. Also, people were already asking why my cousin didn’t just take the bus/taxi home instead of having me drive from one city to another to get her and drop her off and then having to go back home. Even my aunt who happened to talk to my mom on the phone in the evening when I was out asked the same question. I suppose you can say I spoil my cousin. A bit of the reason is because when I was younger, I had a massive crush on her, so I cannot deny that I might “do a bit more for her” as opposed to someone else. I’m a guy and I’m a sucker for girls – what can I say? LOL. Suffice to say, if I told my mom I got into an accident in Toronto as a result of going out unnecessarily, she’d probably freak and say, “I told you so!” Why bother? The most freaky thought was that even though this was already a very LUCKY incident that it was not anything huge… I thought to myself that bebe never even let me see her before she went back to Malaysia had that accident been something big and the bus crushed me to death or something. You may think I’m exaggerating, but anyone who’s been in a car accident knows it’s no laughing matter and that anything can happen. I hope when she comes back, she’ll start appreciating how short life is and start to take advantage of it. Things change fast in life, people come and people go – we should be making the best of it and to be a part of each other.

Anyways, you may think at this point what relevance my title has to do with this. The point is that almost daily, my mentality that being a good person has no reward is being proven. I’m not going to say I was some kind of “hero” by helping my cousin get home, even if it was out-of-the-way. I’m not saying I need to have a medal given to me for it, but I do believe it was a generous thing to do. However, getting hit by a bus, on the way home after doing something “good” just makes me fume. It’s not her fault she asked me to pick her up that this happened – it’s the idiot drivers fault. Yet I think to myself, how retarded it is for one to believe that doing good things lead to good fortune. I suppose if doing something good ends up causing my car to get hit by a bus, then perhaps shooting someone in the head will result in me winning the lottery. Am I too much of a nice guy? Does bebe not feel strongly for me as I do for her because I’m too nice? Do girls really like “the bad boys?” I’m nice to her because I love her and I think that’s a very normal thing. Just like I care about my cousin, I’m willing to do something out-of-the-way for her. However, I’m proven time and time again in life that not ONLY does doing good things not result in good karma happening, it results in even WORSE things happening.

To sum it up, here’s a lesson of life:

Do good things ≠ Good things happening to you
Do bad things ≠ Bad things happening to you

Do good things = More likely bad things happening to you
Do bad things = More likely good things happening to you

2 weeks already that bebe’s been in Malaysia… hasn’t bothered saying a word to me and telling me how she’s doing. I’m not only getting frustrated now, I’m getting annoyed. Are these actions even defensible? Can one truly justify treating someone like shit? I can understand a person wanting to hurt another if you’ve done something bad for them – but to do something like that to someone who has shown so much love and affection? I cannot understand, perhaps my brain is too small or I think life is too simple. I’m not asking her to immediately love me back because that will take time – I’m asking to be treated like a self-dignified human being.

You would think that her being so far would make me lose feelings for her, but it hasn’t. My feelings for her are still indescribably strong. I still have passionate dreams about her and it’s hard for me to find perfection in other girls, other than her. I think about her and worry for her. What is she doing? Who is she with? Is she in a safe environment? Is she in good company? Is she healthy and well? Is she happy and relaxed?  – I continue to wish for her well-being because she’s a very important person to me. Her brother will be starting university soon – I am excited and proud of him – just as if he was my own brother. I hope I get to call him brother-in-law one day! I miss bebe and I want to hold her tight right now. Love is supposed to be a strong, wonderful and positively-live changing feeling. Why is it at times that my love for bebe is bringing the worst out in me, frustrating, anger and vengeance, instead of tender, loving care? What kind of person have I become – why is this monster within me coming out? I need to harness my affection of her to feel more positive and vibrant!

The easiest way I can see her now and give her a sweet kiss is in my dreams… and given it is 11:05PM – I may as well go do that right now! ♥

Beinggirl.ca Always/Tampax Samples, eBay Asia Pads and Always Maxi Pad Deal with Coupon

Found some things of interest for the girls and fellow flow-lovers… one of my favourite places to find amazing deals. Content between the following quote is all property of Smartcanucks and their wonderful community.

Looks like there’s availability to request for samples of Always Maxi Pads or Tampax Tampons again at beinggirl.ca for fellow Canadians! Please see below and this thread for more information.

This sample was available a while ago but they quickly ran out so quite a few Sc’ers didn’t get a chance to order. Mine came in with lots of samples and a few coupons, I was quite impressed.

Simply fill out the details below and get a sample pack from Always® and Tampax®!

To receive the Always® and Tampax® Kit, simply provide the information requested below and click submit.

*This offer is available for Canadian residents only. Limit one request per household while quantities are available. Please allow 8-10 weeks for delivery.

Sponsored by Always® and Tampax®.

Please note – One submitted entry per person and/or email address.This offer does not apply to current BeingGirl members.

Click here to sign up!

From what I heard, even if you fill it out and mark yourself as MALE (if that’s the case), they will still send you the samples without prejudice as long as you match the requirements for shipment.

Another great catch, not free, but available in stores is from No Frills if you happen to have a save $2 coupon lying around, you could get yourself some Always pads for only 97 cents! Please see this thread for more details.

In the No Frills (ON) Sept. 3-9, 2010 flyer, Always Maxi pads (12-24 ct.) are advertised for $2.97. If you have the Save $2 when you buy one Always Ultra or Maxi (24-48 ct.) from brandsaver.ca then you pay only $0.97 for the Maxi (24 ct.). The picture in the coupon is the Ultra kind, which is green, but those aren’t the ones on sale for $2.97. Make sure you pick up the Maxi kind (blue package, 24 ct.) pictured above, which is also covered by the coupon.

Click here to view the No Frills (ON) Sept. 3-9, 2010 flyer.

Thanks to cesme77 for posting the flyer for us!

Then the following is my own find on eBay for “Sanitary Pads for Night” which appear to be the Korean-version of Whisper pads. Of course if you have more information on this or can confirm/deny this, please feel free to let me know and you will be credited!

This seller is selling both the 32cm and 41cm versions of it and you can see more info in the pad absorbency chart he/she provides…

The reason why I was so particular in posting this wasn’t because I’m affiliated with the seller, but because this is one of the few sellers who I’ve seen to have reasonable shipping prices on maxi pads/tampons exported from Asia. Normally, the shipping fees are ridiculous for Whisper, Sofy, Laurier, Kotex or Stayfree pads outside of the local vicinity. International flat-rate shipping on a pack of pads is only $2.00 USD! Although the pads themselves aren’t cheap and may be why they can offer such a low shipping rate, it is $6 a pack and only contains 8 pieces. However, I would reckon if they’re similar to the Whisper Overnights sold in HK – they may very well be of same quality! If anyone ever gets these, please let me know what you think of them. I believe the seller is only offering both overnight pads with wings and does not have ones without. Of course if you have any questions, please direct them to the eBay seller and not me since I don’t know anything more than what is posted!

That’s it for tonight – can’t think right now, too much on my mind!