Yay finally, I have time to blog and for my general readers, that is great news… for my period-readers, not so much. My cute lil’reader Alyson asked me why I hadn’t blogged in a while and it was just a matter of finding that inspiration kick. Today after an exhausting day from work, on the drive home, a bit of inspiration for a post did arrive and a reflection of why sometimes when dreams become reality, it never is as simple as it seems. Now, being a “grown-up” (and I quote that, lol) I already know that everything comes with a twist and that even the simplest of things become complex. Now I’m just being paradoxical instead of jumping into the main topic.
About half a year ago, I was transferred to another sub-department. Our “main” department is divided into 3 sub-departments, each with its own miniature management team. This department is known for being the one involved with the “hardest” work (how ever that is even defined) and that upon joining I knew I was going to be in for a good ride. I expected to take up a mediocre role, where I wouldn’t be doing anything extremely importantly and literally being the grunt that gets everything thrown at them, but with little actual responsibility.
I always used to tell myself to look forward to when I could be the guy who “gets to go to all the meetings” because in my mind, that’s where all the ‘important’ stuff happens. Previous to my department change, we had very infrequent meetings and in all honesty, nothing important were ever decided in those meetings. They were informative (if that) and because most decisions were made at the higher echelons, nothing we did/said really meant much in the bigger picture. Finally in this past 6 months, I’ve been to more meetings than for the years I’ve been working at this organization. So initially, I thought to myself, “Oh wow, this is a dream come true, I finally get to go to all these meetings!!” I figured because I was the “junior” of out the group of attendees, that I wouldn’t even be the one making the decisions. I’d sit there, smile and pretend to be part of the group. When you walk out the meeting room and everyone around you looks up, it gives that sense of pride to be “with the suits” with your head held high.
After a month or two, they began the see my performance and trust my work. To a degree, one could say they even relied on it. Within the past month, I have been heavily involved in an assortment of projects. Being one of the 4 project managers in this department and working within an organization of over 5,000 people, we’re definitely against the numbers. In the previous sub-department I worked for, most of the decisions often only impacted a selection of individuals. In my current sub-department, the decisions we make affect THE entire organization, including external stakeholders (and damn let me tell you, there are LOT of them). I suddenly realized the pressure in making decisions because the impact was at such a large scale. Before, if I screwed up, I may be the joke of the department for a couple of weeks and maybe make a few people disgruntled, but now, I am easily the target of the entire organization and stakeholders. Suddenly a screw-up is irreversible and likely something that could be devastating to one’s reputation.
That “dream” I always envisioned, being the person sitting at the big round table to call the shots suddenly made me a bit hot under the collar. They have passed down a lot of responsibility to me in the past few months, the better the performance they see, the more they lead me to take the bull by the horns. I do not regret performing well, after all who does not want to be a shining example at work and have a brighter career path? I enjoy AND fear the responsibility as it puts a lot of weight on your back. While the dream has come true, there’s a lot I didn’t bargain for, such as the pressure, obligation and responsibility that comes with ‘being the decision maker’. I told my friend this and he smiled, telling me this is always like that, “Beautiful woman you look for in your life, you find her and she’s gorgeous but dumb as a mule.” 😆 Now, I have to be careful about every word or idea I propose at these meetings, because they do make a difference and that a mistake may be costly for our entire organization. Committing millions of dollars to the “wrong product” is as devastating to our coffers as it would be to my reputation. Though in our organization luckily poor decisions (unless they’re out-rightly retarded or illegal) has never gotten anyone fired, but it’s definitely not a burden you want to carry.
So now on a daily basis, I sit at the big round table, drinking our coffees, keying on our laptop while people talk and occasionally staring up at the PowerPoint that the presenter is talking about, but now being at that table means committing yourself to a degree of responsibility which you must burden. I used to see the executives coming out, looking more disturbed than happy… I envied them, because they drove the direction of departments and organization. Now, I get to be the one that (even to a lesser degree), drive the direction of departments, but now I understand the look on my face when we leave. People are often poker-faced for a reason. Meetings often mean more work, more problems and more money (not in our pockets). I leave having to do and delegate more work, than going there to resolve things. I used to think the meetings were where everyone happily sits down and talks about the “successes” rather than failures and remedial steps.
It always is nice to think about success without the sandwich effect. It’d be nice to be “the people who make the decisions” IF those decisions didn’t have consequences. It would be great if I could walk into the meeting room, make all sorts of suggestions, paid big bucks but not be accountable for the decision made. However, that is not reality and nor should I expect it to have been. With every “dream” that comes true, something has to give…. and there’s always a twist!
What do you do when your girlfriend still doesn’t love you as much as she should and you can’t seem to do anything to change it? You try to kill yourself…
A bit far from my wrist eh, lol, obviously a very shitty suicide attempt 😛 I just can’t bear to think about how much love hurts, so I decided life is easier “lived” when you’re dead, all for the sake of bebe….. (or actually) it was because I was bitten by my friend’s dog.. AGAIN. That stupid dog is starting to piss me off, I’m going to shoot it or poison it – making sure that it’s a slow and painful death. I don’t know what the hell that dog’s problem is with me, I’d definitely call myself an “animal-friendly” and “animal-compatible” person, but this dog just has it out for me. I’d make sure I use low-velocity bullets so that the dog feels every second of the pain when the bullet drives through its skin and lodges itself in an organ. -_-” or… make sure it is a very slow acting poison…
But anyways, today my girls and I went out to Niagara-on-the-Lake and then later on, Niagara Falls. It was a great day up to late evening, there was no signs of rain which was first predicted, but the air was still chilly but reasonable to walk around. After all, many people were eating ice cream, lol. We all took some pictures, walked around for about 3 hours and decided to head onto Niagara Falls. Although the clouds loomed overhead like it was going to rain any moment, it sure as hell held up until well into the evening – lucky us! We had originally planned to eat at NotL, but turns out the place we were planning to go to wasn’t operating at-capacity during the slow-seasons, so we opted to “go back to the city” to see what we could find.
We took the small roads all the way to Niagara Falls and we passed by the Great Wolf Lodge and one of the girls mentioned this would be a great place for bebe and I to hit during the summer. Knowing bebe and I, I figured this wouldn’t be a place that’d interest us a lot, it’s more for the “family with kids” thing (so until we have them…) – so we’d probably opt for the more traditional hotel with recreation and just a “couples night” together – the Great Wolf Lodge wouldn’t really offer activities that would make the stay worth while. I did see the new Oakes Hotel there and because I know I get a great deal offering through work, it’d be great to get an overlooking view of the falls along with 2 Queen-sized beds. As much as I’d like for bebe and I to be able to snuggle up in a single bed before, just her accepting to spend time overnight together in the same room would make me happy enough. It’s amazing how when we love someone, we’re willing to change our expectations to what we want eh? haha. There’s a thing we can’t live without in our place-of-stay though… and that’s wireless internet access 😆
We ended up eating at Shoeless Joe’s and it was a great experience for all of us. I treated them all and the bill came to short of $100 for 5 people, not bad at all. The portions were massive and we got this “appetizer” which really wasn’t an appetizer… it was a friggin meal in itself! They were all really happy, so they decided to treat me to a bar. Funny because they like treating me to those places, knowing that I don’t drink 😛 My girls are so funny and like to tease me all the time, so treating me to the bar is like getting a get-out-of-jail free card, haha. That’s like taking a vegetarian to an all-you-can-eat meat buffet 😆
So I was sitting around and while they were having alcoholic drinks, I just had some sparkling-type stuff… I also was driving, which meant either way, alcohol was off-limits for me. Although I know that I can still drink up to the legal limits, I just prefer not to have any alcohol in me if I’m driving and responsible for that many lives. If I want to drink, I’d ensure someone else who wasn’t drinking was available to drive or drink somewhere “safe” like in my own home or home of a friend where I can spend the night if I feel I’m not in the capacity to drive.
So naturally, some girls came by to ask me if I’d buy a drink for them or if I was “interested in talking”… but I wasn’t exactly in the flirty mood or feel like I want to consider other women anyways, so I told them, “Sorry no” and that “I’m already taken” – did not plan on going to the bar for potential dates, lol, I was there with my girls because they didn’t want to go home too early. My girls teased me about being so loyal to bebe that I wouldn’t even take a glance at other women – but they all know me well enough that my loyalty to my girlfriend is unwavering… stick a nude chick in front of me and I’d still be like, “Meh.”
So as I’m writing this message, I pretty much got “told” by bebe that she’s uproot locally and moving out to Mississauga. I’m not sure how I feel about this, but that’s also not my decision. Perhaps the shittiest part of it all was that we didn’t exactly spend too much time discussing it, she doesn’t treat me like a boyfriend and kind of “talk it over” about the specifics of how we’re going to see each other and stuff like that. I know we’re not official, but we are still good boy-girlfriend. I’m not saying we’ve never “made mention” of this happening, just wish there was a bit more formality over it… just seemed like she’s “made the decision and that’s that”… I mean, most couples “discuss” things with each other and try to get to common-ground on things… I suppose that’s where her independence-dominance takes over. It’s starting to get to that point where her “attachment” to her friends scare me… wish I could make them disappear, but then bebe would also have less of a reason to stay in Canada. Equally said, she’d point out “we’re not a couple” so she has no need to “ask” me…
Suffice to say, I’m glad at least I have some contacts out in Mississauga and more importantly, my friend who runs his private investigator business has his office there, so if I ever need to keep an eye on her, at least I have someone to refer to. In fact, I actually had fewer people I know here who would help out than there. It’s not so much I want to know what she’s up to constantly, but at least I have it as an option for me, particularly when she’s so far away from me locally here. I hate the idea of having to do something like this, but when I look at how dubious it is that she would not rather stay in the same city as her (potential) boyfriend or consider perhaps working/half-staying here makes me feel a bit weird. Notably, she’s mentioned she can’t quite feel that “want to sacrifice” for me and ok, sure, I doubt she’d actually reconsider where to live on my behalf, but at least let’s consider the implications of us having 50km between us. I know I can handle keeping this relationship alive and I’m not going to let it go just because she’s moved outside of town (at least we’re in the same COUNTRY and PROVINCE) but I almost feel displaced with this decision, quite shocking to me despite her having ‘talked’ about it. I suppose we’re not the only “budding couple” who don’t live super-close and I know many of my friends have had their partners hours away from home and it still works – and even my boss, who relocated far-away-from-work for his wife, so I suppose I have to bite my tongue and make it happen despite me wanting to stay here, close to work. I suppose another thing is if we do end up living together and being married, we could compromise on choosing a “middle point” and since I don’t think she’d actually consider where she’s going to move to as being permanent.
I still flop between how I feel about the “power” and “control” her friends have over her… and I actually don’t think it’s “their fault” – it’s bebe who CHOOSES to be close to them and attached to them (rather than me, wtf). On the same note, it may very well actually be bebe’s friends who are MY saving-grace as to why she’s still considering Canada as a “home”… maybe without them, bebe would not have felt I was a strong enough reason for her to stay… I have to remind myself these are bebe’s decisions, not her friends and they should not get tied up in my displeasure of how her live revolves around them and not me. I wonder if I should be getting some private investigation on her friends rather than on bebe, lol, figure out some way where they can’t constantly consume bebe in their lives… or just wait for natural attrition where her friends begin to get married and have a more regular lifestyle that they can’t constantly be entertaining bebe’s visits. Sigh, I can’t decide whether this is being greedy or whether this is a natural reaction to feel jealous of the time and COMMITMENT she has for them…. use that same commitment on me and we’d easily be “official” boyfriend/girlfriend now 🙄
I’m going to go with what my friend Amy said though… I need to spot this from a more positive standpoint. At least bebe’s in Canada and (assuming) a portion of that is attributed to her wanting to “make this relationship work.” Bebe’s closer to her friends, which means satisfaction in staying here. Her seeing her friends more, means she will appreciate seeing me more now that she can see them so often… or “split time” between us reasonably. I go out to Mississauga quite a bit and I can bear it for the most part. When she gets her own place, we’ll have a “place to ourselves.” When the relationship is more steady, I could have a place to sleep until the next morning and go to work – the drive in the “other direction” is a lot better even during rush-hour. More time being out there might mean I get a chance to “integrate” with her friends more. I have more friends/business-partners out there who can help me keep an eye on bebe if need-be. I’d really only consider that if I suspected anything, maybe give those guys who want to steal her away from me a “warning” that ‘accidents’ might happen to them. Mississauga IS a nice city and I admit, I love bebe enough to move out there if she really wouldn’t budge and move somewhere closer to my work like Oakville/Burlington. The place she’d be living at would still be “for now” and she hasn’t said for sure she’s staying there FOREVER. She’d be able to join my family-friends out more often since on the weekends we go out to Mississauga to see our group/grocery shop. I mean there ARE a host of reasons, including her own reasons of liking that area, close-to-friends, reasonable commute, etc. I just felt really bad about not being “considered” when she made that decision to go there… what about me then?
Beyond all of my displeasure, there’s nothing I can do (well nothing reasonably… I could find other things really cruel to do to force her to stay here, but that’s just not RIGHT) and have to look “on the bright side” of things. At least traffic is in my favour from the direction I’m traveling from and there’s definitely much more to do on dates for us out there than where I live. The only thing that makes me feel sad about this is not actually her not being local, because I could probably still be ok with driving out there for regular dates 2-3 days a week, but rather, the way she “conveyed” it to me and kind of didn’t bother thinking about how I’d feel or make a statement that she still feels the relationship is important despite moving away. If I had a reassurance from her that she’s still very much confident in our relationship, then this move would be no big deal!
Here’s something cute ^__^ Just like bebe n’ I…
You may wonder what I mean by my entry title, but you will after reading this! I was talking to one of my readers and she mentioned a few pads that she asked me to take a look at and one of them got me interested. I had been hunting for sales for a week already since it would appear that my supplies at home are running low and it’s time to switch it up a bit. With her recommendation, I decided to follow suit and had already been scrounging my e-flyers and deal-sites online to see if I can find myself some upcoming sales. On Thursday night, I still did not find any store that had good sales (most stores have their “flyer week” start on Friday or Saturday, but display their ‘upcoming’ week deals by Thursday).
I was a bit frustrated, given that I’ve been back in Canada for 2 weeks already and haven’t even noticed any decent sales on pads/tampons. I understand that the whole O.B. Ultra fiasco may have put everyone into a high-alert situation, but come on, they already pulled the O.B. tampon sales right out of the flyers now, because usually they get included in the same sales as Carefree Liners and Stayfree pads. Oh, speaking of the whole O.B. Ultra tampon shortage, feel free to read about it here: http://www.chatelaine.com/en/blog/post/23534–why-these-tampons-will-cost-you-79-99
Anyways, off this whole O.B Ultra tampon situation because there’s tons of sites covering that already. So as I was getting annoyed at the fact I’ve been trying to find sales for several weeks already, I decided to look up some manufacturer coupons right off their sites, rather than relying on clip-outs or store-sales. So then I found a new coupon since their old one expired. If you’re an existing or potential user of Stayfree pads, feel free to check this out: http://stayfree.ca/sampling/en/coupon.asp — although I believe that THIS coupon is only usable in Canada and participating stores. Please note that the expiry on the coupon is March 31, 2011.
I was quite happy, that is, until I read closely at the use-of-coupon terms and conditions. One of the key terms state that, “Not valid in combination with any other offers. Offer only valid on regular-priced STAYFREE® products.” and so after reading that, it set me back a bit since “regular priced” pads are usually quite expensive. So I continued to mull around and then my reader told me about Walmart, being one of the cheapest place to find pads/tampons (or well, mostly anything) at a reasonable price when other places don’t have them on sale.
As I was checking the flyers once again Friday morning at work, I did notice that Shoppers Drug Mart had Carefree/Stayfree (yep that’s right, no O.B.) liners and pads on sale for $2.99. Unfortunately the sale didn’t start until Saturday though, so I frowned. I was bored at work and still trying to think of where I can get myself an awesome deal, I decided to print out 4 of the Stayfree coupons (wasn’t meant to be greedy, but more of the fact every 8.5 x 11 page fits 4, so I don’t like wasting so much space) and just keep them in my car whenever I see a chance to use it.
It dawned upon me what one of my readers said. She did say that Walmart tends to be a good place to buy cheap products when other stores are selling them at (higher) regular prices, so I thought I’d do some research. Of course Walmart’s online site is a bitch and I couldn’t find the price of Stayfree products for some reason, so I decided to go there since I live less than 1km away from one. The reason why I was interested in going to Walmart is to see their “regular price” because that means I’m eligible to use the coupon. Since SDM had them on sale for $2.99 already, the coupon would not be valid under the clause. When I reached the feminine hygiene aisle and spotted the Stayfree section, I was happy to see it was $3.93 and doing a quick head-math, it would mean I’d be able to acquire a pack for $1.93 after the coupon deduction!
==MAJOR INTERRUPTION START==
As I was looking at the receipt more closely, I just noticed they applied HST to this purchase. As I recall, only the GST portion (5%) is supposed to be taxed on feminine hygiene products! The 8% PST portion should’ve been exempt or an “instant-rebate” should’ve been applied. Those Walmart fuckers charged me 31 cents more than they were supposed to on the tax! Yes, I understand that taxes are usually calculated on the pre-coupon prices which is fine, but the total tax should’ve only cost 20 cents!! I should take the receipt back and bitch at them, or report them to the government for incorrectly charging me, but they’re lucky it’s only a few cents or they’d never hear the end of my wrath!
==MAJOR INTERRUPTION END==
So ya, I realize after all this, I could’ve told my story in a paragraph of something, but the point I’m trying to make is just to remind people that sometimes we’re blinded by the allure of seeing things “on sale” because as you can see, with a coupon, I ended up getting a much better deal (even after being ripped off, lol). To make the most economical choice, you have to weigh whether the sale is better WITHOUT a coupon, or better WITH a coupon, even buying it at “regular price”. However, I should also note that there are some coupons (like Brandsaver/Save.CA) that don’t have this restriction, so make sure you read carefully all the coupons/deals you use to ensure they abide to the store/coupon policy! And so, for $2.44 total, I got myself a wonderful pack of…
Stayfree Ultra Thin Overnights!
I’ve experimented with these before, but it wasn’t until one of my readers informed me that they changed the pad a bit and added rear-wings (similar to the ones I displayed in previous reviews of pads I bought in Hong Kong) – so after hearing that, I certainly had to give them another shot to let them redeem themselves! Not only that, but she also said she really liked them, so heck, never hurts to revisit a pad I haven’t tested in so long. Who knows, maybe it will surprize me – and it sure did! However, lets leave that for the review later.
So there you have it folks, make sure you take some time to do some quick math and consider whether just shooting for the sales or making use a coupon (or both if you’re lucky) will net you the BEST pad/tampon shopping price! The world has changed a lot, so don’t forget that not only can you clip-out coupons from the paper/flyers, in-store/on-shelf rebates – but that you even have online/printable coupons as a resource! I have heard of some places that refuse to accept printable coupons, so make sure you check the store’s participation level ahead-of-time or if they give you a hard time, speak to one of the supervisors/managers of the store! A couple dollars here and there may not seem like a lot, but your wallet or credit card statement will notice the difference!
If you have any comments or hints for fellow readers, feel free to share!
After returning from Hong Kong, I’ve found myself in living a different lifestyle. Where as I, prior to the trip, would be leary of spending, I am not finding myself spending on things that I would have otherwise spent a long time considering. Suffice to say, I haven’t won the lottery yet or make mounds of cash investing into stocks (again, YET) – but I am starting to utilize the money I’m earning more often and being less thrifty. The reason is not because I want to “show off” or to overindulge in using my money, but rather, something very important my uncle said to me (which I will translate to English). He said, “I am rich because I spend my money, not because I have lots of it. A rich person, is one who uses his money and enjoys it, regardless of his existing wealth. A poor person, is one who does not use his money and sits it in the bank, regardless of his existing wealth. When one uses money usefully, he (or she) is rich. When one does not use their money, no matter how much is in the bank, he (or she) is poor.”
I have a habit of saving – saving for a rainy day and saving for my future family. I save a lot of money suffice to say and I’d wager every year (since I’ve been working), I’ve been storing just over 50% of my take home pay. I invest it, into my RRSP, into my supplementary pension plan, into my cash-able life insurance, into my TFSA and into stocks/funds. On good years, my investment income usually supplies me with 2-3 tickets of airfare to Hong Kong, so the reality is I could go there every year if I wanted to, and I may soon turn that into a reality.
But anyways, back onto my point. I’ve been living it large lately. I want to realize those dreams of “being rich” – not necessarily because I have lots of money, but because life is about enjoyment, making your comfortable and utilizing the resources that you have. Since I’ve returned, in the past 2 weeks I have been spending money more lavishly. This is particularly true with luxury items and with food. I also learned another very important aspect of Hong Kong lifestyle is that they invest majorly into 1 or both of the following: clothing and food. I’m not particularly interested in clothing, so I have adopted the 2nd, food. Another thing my uncle taught me, “You should learn that eating is not about filling your stomach the most for the least money. Food is about quality, not quantity. Therefore, you should aim to eat small portions of good food, rather than be concerned with feeling full by eating lesser foods.” My uncle is truly full of wisdom and he has both a Canadian and Hong Kong lifestyle perspective as he’s lived in both places. He does understand the need of why I save, but also encourages me to utilize money effectively and that does not necessarily equate to saving it all.
In the past 2 weeks, I’d say that I’ve already bought, or consider buying items that I would have taken a long time to justify and rationalize. Just over the weekend, I walked into Future Shop and bought a Wii Fit Plus. I did do some prior bargain hunting, but to no avail. I could’ve waited – but I didn’t… I just went out and bought it. Sure, it cost $20 more than if I waited for the next sale, but I want it NOW – and I got it. The computer and monitor rack that I got for bebe for her birthday, I wanted to give her my old video card so she could play her games and watch HD movies – but instead, I am now buying her a new video card. Why? Because I can and that she deserves it. Also, what kind of terrible boyfriend would I be, one who is a computer guy and giving his girl outdated stuff? 😛 I promised I’d buy myself a new pistol or rifle every year. I put one on order, a nice new revolver for me to play around with 😀 I used to fiddle with my iPhone headset every time I got into the car so I could legally use my phone (as it is outlawed in Ontario to hold a communication device while driving) and got tired of it – so I got myself a Bluetooth headset – and a nice one too, that responds to voice activation/commands AND is also capable of multiple language sets… of course I chose Cantonese 😆
As you can see, I’m spend less time thinking and more time buying! I know that the moral of the story goes both ways here. Some will say, “Hey, great, you’re satisfying your wants.” while others will spit in disgust and say that I’m wasting money needlessly. Also, in the next while, I will be installing a fireplace in my computer room so I’m nice, warm and cozy while I play, chat or do work on my computer! Yes, that’s right, I want to be luxurious and enjoy the money I’m earning. It wasn’t that I’m cheap on others, I tend just to be cheap on myself. I’ve spent more money on bebe than I have on any other girl I’ve dated… perhaps I dare say I’ve spent more on her than I have with all of my ex’s put together, LOL! I’m not quantifying my love for her via how much money I spend on her, but more of the fact she makes me feel and want to spend money on her. I spend money on my family and friends as well, because I don’t mind. We go out for nice meals, do costly activities – but still, I’m only cheap when it comes to myself. I’m turning that around – I want to be the one enjoying the fruition of the seeds which I have sewn myself.
I guess I’m a bit old fashion and perhaps that alpha-male part of me kicks in when I’m with bebe. By spending money on her and also, showing that I have financial stability is an implicit sign that I’m able to “take care of her”.. I mean this is TOTALLY 1950’s mentality, haha, but still, it’s born into us guys where we feel the need to have to ‘display’ ourselves and ‘prove’ that we’re capable. I’m not trying to bribe bebe with money or throw money at her in hopes of winning her love, but what I’m trying to do is to show that at the very least, I can be a successful boyfriend and future husband who can provide for her if necessary. I know I think “a bit farther ahead” because I’m older than she is and have different paths I want to walk in life, but the reality is that I don’t want to have a huge margin of income with her – which is the reality given both our careers. I have a very important topic I’d like to write on in the near future, the idea of social status and individual prestige, which will make what sense of what I’m trying to express above.
I’m already looking at the posted transactions that are coming through on my credit card already! This is probably the most I’ve spent in a while (not including on my trip) and there will be more to come. I work hard during the day and even after hours, so isn’t it at least right of me to come home and be submersed into comfort and luxury? I don’t earn my money for nothing or to leave it in the bank while they trade my money around to earn money for themselves!
I’m rich, because I’m using my money to generate happiness. I am no longer poor, because my monetary wealth is bringing my lasting wealth through enjoyment and fulfillment of wants! Even when I bring happiness to bebe it makes me smile, so the wealth is not only spent on me, but her as well… us, both our families and hopefully soon, our very own family 😀
I’m in a very loving mood tonight, so even though my bebe is not around with me right now, if she ever asks me how much I love her … then I can answer her with THIS much! 😛
Teresa Teng (鄧麗君) – The Moon Represents My Heart (月亮代表我的心)
And… because UMG are a bunch of cock-sucking retards, you have to go on YouTube directly to watch it.
你 问 我 爱 你 有 多 深
You ask me how deep I love you
我 爱 你 有 几 分？
How much I love you
我的 情 也 真，
My feeling is true
我的 爱 也 真，
My love is true
月亮 代表 我的 心。
Moon represents my heart
你 问 我 爱 你 有 多 深
You ask me how deep I love you
我 爱 你 有 几 分？
How much I love you
我的 情 不 移，
My feeling is steadfast
我的 爱 不 变，
My love is constant
月亮 代表 我的 心。
Moon represents my heart
轻轻 的 一个 吻
A tender kiss
已经 打动 我的 心。
Already touch my heart
深深 的 一段 情
A deep love
教 我 思念 到 如今。
Makes me miss till now
你 问 我 爱 你 有 多 深
You ask me how deep I love you
我 爱 你 有 几 分？
How much I love you
你 去 想 一 想
You go think about it
你 去 看 一 看
You go have a look
Moon represents my heart
You go think about it
You go have a look
Moon represents my heart
I think I check my blog more often than I check my to-do-list… so I’m going to record what I need to do before leaving here, lol… if I forget something, please let me know 😆
- Pack iPhone and Blackberry, including chargers/case
- Remove SIM from my iPhone before getting on the plane so I don’t incur roaming charges
- Prepare and pack laptop with charger, mouse, external burner, external hard drive and security cable
- Pack a few pieces of more “professional” clothing in case I need to go into an office environment or formal-dining
- Backup and synchronize all my files
- Move my home server to work so I have access to my files when abroad
- Collect all outstanding payments from my customers and clear their invoices
- Get someone to water my plants at work
- Lower office temperature, clean my office and polish bebe’s picture frame
- Move my storage of pads/tampons to somewhere secure and won’t be accidentally found
- Turn off any non-essential electronics in the house and in the office
- Lower house temperature just enough to prevent pipes from freezing
- Turn off water-flow to most areas of the house
- Check all windows are dead-bolted
- Change my cards/money over to my “traveling” wallet and bring only the most necessary credentials, especially my Canadian Citizenship, HK SmartID (Proof of Residency), Octopus card and bebe’s picture
- Pack the 3 laptops I configured to give to my cousins
- Unload and store all my guns, except for one kept in a secret spot
- Send out email to family, friends and customers about my absence
- Do online check-in 24 hours before departure and see if we can find better seats
- Get HKD from safety deposit box and remove valuables from the house into the box until we return
- Research which phone plan to get while I’m in HK
- Get all my voice-mails with an away-from-the-office note
- Transfer any data I need to bring with me onto my external hard drive and memory stick
- Clear out my memory card in my camera and make sure I bring plenty of spare batteries
- Clear all my payments on insurance and credit cards
- Make sure my investments are being monitored by my broker
- Pack my electric shaver
Hrm.. that’s all I can think of for now, I wonder if I’m missing anything 😀
Can’t spare the time for a big update right now, especially because I have to sleep early as a result of going to my (soon ending) week-long conference! I’m so excited about this horrid week ending, although with one more caveat, a stupid teeth-cleaning on Monday. One would like to think this is a “good thing” – but I hate the pain of going to the stupid dentist. It’s not that I dislike his profession or the guy as a person, but more of what he “does” 😆 Once Tuesday of next week hits, I’ll be home-free and I’m happy! After that, it’ll be mommy’s birthday which I’ve already reserved tickets for us at the Fallsview Casino Theatre to watch a nice show. I wish bebe was around, I’d love to take her to something like that… you know, the more “grown up” stuff – haha.
Although this week has been tough and tomorrow is the “big day” where we’re given 9 test systems, completely unknown and we have to break into them, it will provide to be an exciting challenge. I have been very lucky to be given permission to drive the 407 (Express Toll Route) which reduces my drive time to Mississauga by about 1.25-1.5 hours.. otherwise it’d probably take 2-3 hours. Also, the company is reimbursing us for our food as well and I must say, I’ve been spoiling myself on some good food and stuff 😛 although the pain of it all is that our lunch is an uncomfortable 1-hour long only…. so we’re rushing a lot while eating, especially if it’s not the fast-food type.
I was talking to my coworker who came with me and he mentioned his wife said that he’ll realize how lucky we are with our job after enduring this. Many people do this daily, do a 1-2 hour drive (pretty typical in Ontario) to work, work a FULL day (8+ hours) and do another 1-2 drive home. The 1-2 hour drive usually consists of stopping-and-going and lots of people cutting in-and-out. Although the drive itself is long, it much more comfortable when you’re in moving traffic – but that is not the case, it is very annoying to deal with rush-hour traffic. Getting down one street in Mississauga where I can SEE the highway on-ramp is like a solid 20 mins moving one car after another trying to sneak past the traffic light before it turns red. I must admit, going to our work now seems so easy, relaxing and we learned to appreciate the fact we get great hours, great benefits, great pension, decent pay and a nice drive – many of which, Ontarians or even Canadians as a whole don’t get such comparable working conditions! You know what? My workplace treats me pretty damn right!
On the first day there, I felt so out of place. After all, most of the people there were likely to be my seniors, people with 10, heck, maybe even 20 years of industry-related experience. I felt like the “odd one out” who couldn’t say I did “X job for ___ years” and worried they may look down on me. After about a day and we began to meet fellow attendees, it was such a relief. I was not with people who considered themselves ‘better’ than me, but I was amongst professionals and friends – people who did not consider themselves superior, but were here with one objective in mind – to learn. When we had breaks and went for lunch, everyone spoke to each other as if we had known each other all along.. I was with my peers. We shared information, some stuff that I know well and they shared what they knew well. It was an excellent exchange of information – showing that no matter how little or how much experience you have in your field, you will never know everything. My fears went away.
I will say, being the first time to attend a “prestigious” conference hosted in a hotel, I felt extra spectacular. There were an absence of paper towels in the washroom as they were replaced with nice, silky-smooth towels for drying your hands. Everything, minus the door, was all automated. When I we walked past the front desk, it was, “Good morning Mr. _____” – damn, it felt good! I must say, I dressed a bit nicer than my usual work attire, although still sans suit since no one else dressed that preppy. As the conference comes to an end, I’ll miss the opportunity to exchange knowledge with the attendees and speaker, but will cherish the short 5 days we had together (as grueling as it is). I will miss the luxuries of the hotel, the “management” lifestyle (expenses paid, talking to “high-level” people, everyone driving nice cars), being provided with unlimited (non-alcoholic) drinks throughout the day and just the feeling of pure professionalism. It’s no wonder people strive to move up within their careers, not only for money, but because of the prestige!
I know period content has been very little lately, but I found AND READ this amazing article and highly encourage everyone to read it… it’s essentially talking about the “power of menstruation” or rather more specifically, the menstrual cycle. The study did a comparison of lap-dancer’s nightly income based on where they were within their menstrual cycle, showing that they made the most in their most “fertile days.” It is interesting to note that there is potential that men are more 1) protective, and 2) attracted to women who are actively fertile. Furthermore, it shows that women who use the pill or similar contraceptive ‘make less’ as compared to their “naturally menstruating” females. To be honest, bebe has never dared share with me when we went on dates whether she was on her period, LOL, but I can say there were certain dates we’ve been on where I felt “closer” to her than others… not that I can claim I was ever felt “distant” either 😀 With ex’s though, there are times when I’ve felt unusually “excited” over them, hehe.
The article is entitled Ovulatory cycle effects on tip earnings by lap dancers:
economic evidence for human estrus? ☆
Geoffrey Miller⁎, Joshua M. Tybur, Brent D. Jordan
Department of Psychology, University of New Mexico
It is a small-print, double-column, 7-page analysis.
Also, there’s a small excerpt by PopSciBlog regarding the results of this paper…
New Study: Fertile Strippers Make More Money
According to a story published this month in Psychology Today, UNM psychologist Geoffery Miller and his colleagues “tapped the talent at local gentlemen’s clubs” and counted the tips they made during various phases of their menstrual cycles. Dancers who weren’t on the pill made about $70 an hour during peak fertility, versus about $35 while menstruating and $50 in between. Girls who took birth control averaged about $37 an hour with no performance peak.
The researchers attribute the fluctuations in average hourly income to behavioral and physical changes that occur during a woman’s monthly cycle: ie., the strippers were more flirtatious and sexual during the times when they were most likely to conceive. Or, you know, maybe they were bloated and cranky and didn’t feel like dancing during the other times.
My favorite part of the article has got to be this quote:
“Birth control could lead to many thousands of dollars lost every year…. If you’re a woman in any service-industry job looking to maximize your tips, Miller suggests scheduling more shifts for the phase right before ovulation: ‘It might help to know about this so that you can exploit these effects.'”
But the true moral of this story, naturally, is to use your grant money wisely. Think of all the lap dances those research dollars could buy! —Megan Miller
So the other day I was at a place… not going to mention where and couldn’t help but take a picture of what I saw in the back of the washroom stall. This is NOT a co-ed bathroom, strictly male so I had no idea why they’d want to alert us to “wrap & put sanitary napkin […] into the garbage” as if that would be a common occurrence 😛 But yes, for those guys and girls who don’t know… flushing sanitary napkins, a.k.a pads is NOT a good idea.
For those still interested in Tiger Woods albiet his sex scandal and fiasco, it turns out that he’s a fan of menstrual sex. Even if he wasn’t a ‘fan’ per se… at the very least he didn’t have a problem with it. Also, for those who have information on a feminine hygiene company distributing products under the name Private- Sanita, please let me know because a Malaysian girl-friend of mine asked me about it and I only had some minor knowledge about them. Hopefully someone will be able to inject some extra knowledge/background for me about this brand.
That’s all for now, gotta head to bed for one last day of this conference… and also happens to be the most challenging one! Cheers and enjoy.
Hope people don’t think I’m dead or something… no, I’m still alive. Work has been busy lately and it has been exhausting. My blog is just a fun way for me to relax and to share myself with the world and so I don’t treat it like a job where I feel obligated to update it all the time. I haven’t ran out of period-topics yet, trust me, I have a huge list of it on my “to-talk-about” scratchpad. I still see a great influx of unique visitors every day and I’m happy about it and hope there’ll be more contributions and visitors to come. I want to keep this blog exciting and on-topic of course – although everyone has those busy-times in their life and this is one of them for me!
Over the summer, I get reduced working hours and it tends to be lazy. However, whenever September starts and the school-year rolls in, sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode. On the good news about that is this year, my contract for my project manager position has been extended and they’re trying to make it a permanent position (rather than a temporary, where is can be terminated any time past the contract dates). As of September this year, our pay has gone up as a result of negotiated contracts… it’s not much, but in an economy like this and where many other sectors are freezing wages, let alone increase them, I consider myself lucky (or well to even be employed for that matter). As of October 1st, it has been one full year that my “new” job has been effective and I earned yet another jump in the pay-grid. It’s not really a lot of money after taxes and such, probably around an extra $4,000 or so combined.
Suffice to say, this new position comes without the manual labour of being in the field, but is still strenuous on the brain (not that I claim to be smart) and is a lot of politics-balancing game – you want to keep everyone happy while maintaining control. I definitely don’t want to revert to my old position because it’s way too much labour-intensive work and being in the office has its advantages (and disadvantages), along with the money that comes with an upgraded position. Hopefully it’ll go permanent soon so I can feel secure, although I still hold my prior permanent position – much more secure than most private-sector job shifts. I’ve been handling a lot of projects lately and it isn’t just a matter of “lots” but more of “all at the same time” and I swear this is probably what’s going to prevent me from getting Alzheimer’s given how much I have to keep my brain active and trying not to forget stuff. I will admit, even with the aid of my iPhone calendar, written notes and such – I still have managed to pull off some near-misses and forget an appointment/meeting. What I need is a secretary… haha, but that’s only something the manager gets!
All this work has not been without its reward… other than the money. The smiling faces I get to see and the plethora of “thank yous” really brightens up the day. For those who work in any service-related industry, you’ll definitely know that being appreciated is one thing that never ceases to make a bad day good. When I go home each day, as tired as I may be, I feel a sense of accomplishment… something I haven’t felt in a while because most of the work I’ve done during our downtime has been less-than-a-challenge and I’m one of those people who need to “do something grand” to feel as if I’m going somewhere in my life. I won’t lie that money is still an important thing to me, but if I’m going to earn money anyways while doing my job – I would certainly like the recognition, prestige and fulfillment to come with it. I’ll admit any moment that compared to many private-sector workers, we really have it easy here. I remember sitting there and talking to one of the accountants at our organization and she told me that I should really be recommending government jobs to my girlfriend (that’s what they refer to bebe as… oh well, easier on the mouth than referring to her by something else) because she really regrets not going government sooner in her life, wasting many of it out in the private sector. I don’t disagree that private sector is really “where the money is at” most of the time, but I guess it also depends on how far you really want to climb, whether you have the inhibitions to do it and what kind of lifestyle you really want. Government jobs are potentially the greatest “family-friendly” jobs ever – you don’t have to give up your life just to earn your next pay. I’m always on the look-out anyways for bebe, so when she comes back to job-hunt again, I will certainly check with my accounting friends in the government and see what they can scrounge up. Luckily, we have a CRA building right in the city we live in, which may be a great match for bebe’s line-of-work.
What surprized me over the past 2 weeks the most was that my boss has really been polishing me up. The other day I only casually mentioned about wanting one of those new rolling-laptop bags because I “though they were cool” and then the next day when I opened my office door in the morning (my eyes still half closed), I found a $120 rolling laptop bag sitting on my desk. This past Friday, I needed a memory stick to do a transfer of a large project I was working on and he asked me to follow him to the storage cabinet. Other than handing me a memory key which he said I could keep, he also gave me a gift for “all the hard work I’ve put in lately” a 2-TB Network Storage Device. This was a true professional-series file server and I was just thinking about what the hell I’m going to do with it, so I decided this weekend’s project would be to set it up so that every computer in my house (and that’s lots of it) – will backup to this device on a regular basis. For those who have ever had their computer crash and lost data, they’ll know how much having a proper backup means! While I was doing the setup on the device, I decided to hop online to check the price…. the “gift” he gave me is worth $499.99! Well you know what? Even though my job doesn’t pay much comparatively and in an industry where we are not eligible for bonuses or anything (since we don’t generate revenue per se), he definitely knows how to find other ways of giving us bonuses, even if it’s not in a cash-form. I had a second thought is that had I not unpacked it and begun using it, I probably could’ve sold it for $400… but sometimes it’s nice to keep things around that people give you – call it a… sentimental value.
This is an interesting thing I heard on the radio… looked it up and wanted to repost a written article:
SLEEP LESS…AND LIVE LONGER
Saturday October 2,2010
By Jo Willey
WOMEN who get between five and six-and-a-half hours sleep a night could live longer, research claims.
Less than five hours a night is probably not enough and eight hours is probably too much, insist experts.
A team, led by Professor Daniel Kripke, revisited his research carried out between 1995 and 1999 at the University of California, San Diego.
That earlier study, part of the Women’s Health Initiative, monitored 459 women aged between 50 and 81 to determine if sleep duration can be linked to mortality.
Of the original participants, 444 were located and evaluated. Eighty-six of those had died. Prof Kripke, whose findings are published in Sleep Medicine journal, said: “Women who slept less than five hours a night or more than 6.5 hours were less likely to be alive at the 14-year follow-up.”
He added that the study should calm fears about people not getting enough sleep.
I have to shamefully admit that I used to question bebe about her sleeping habits… I mean, I know university life is hard and all, but she used to sleep some awkward hours… either working late into the night and then waking up in the afternoon and to me, that was a bit weird. Even when I attend post-secondary, I never had such awkward sleeping patterns, but hey, to each their own. However, what worried me the most wasn’t about the weird patterns she slept, but I was worried about her health by not getting enough good rest. I can say surely that it was a concern for her well-being and health, not because I minded the fact she slept at odd hours. Guess I have to admit now that she is right and I am wrong. According to the article, as long as she gets 5-6 hours of restful sleep, then her body will function great!
But anyways… I feel guilty as of last night. I know in my heart I’m dedicated and loyal to bebe. I don’t know what happened last night, but for once in a long-long-long time.. I had a dream about a girl, but the girl wasn’t bebe. I’m not used to dreaming about any other girl other than her and hell, I don’t even have feelings for the girl who was in the dream, so that’s not an issue about my mind telling me something. Such a weird thing… and yes, I know sometimes dreams are absolutely insignificant but I feel guilty. I don’t like OR want my dreams to contain girls in it other than bebe, because I am 100% hers! I should be thinking about her when I’m eating, at work and even sleeping and of no other girl. I’m of course totally exaggerating this over the case of a single night’s dream, but it definitely felt awkward. I mean a few years ago, I would’ve loved nothing more but have random dreams of beautiful women – but now, it almost seems like I’ve lost the inhibition for all other women. It’s not that I’m turning gay or dislike sweet-talking girls, but it just isn’t the same magnetic and pounding feeling I have on other girls compared to bebe. I can’t understand why I felt so sad over it… It’s almost like I cheated on her or something 😆 even when I haven’t even done anything… 😛 I get way too worked up about this stuff, haha.
Speaking of sleep.. I’m going to sleep night – so nighty night!
P.S just the other day, I noticed that MiM already has 100,000 unique page hits! OMG… and not even a year old – so thanks to all my visitors for making this place a success!
Weird title eh, how the hell can someone get “surprize acupuncture”? Well, it’s probably a lot less exciting than it’s made out to be, but let me explain. I won’t even comment much about Friday since it was lazy as shit other than cleaning out my car and mowing the lawn. I’ll admit, I’ve been gaming a lot lately… more than I should, particularly to dull my senses of missing bebe. I won’t lie either, I do it because it reduces the amount of time and energy I have to mull over her. I miss her so much my heart wrenches, not that she would know the difference though. Either way, gaming helps days fly by where I can’t even decipher between Monday or Sunday… trying to survive these next few months. I want to hold her so tightly right now.
On Saturday, I went out to see the TCM doctor as usual. As I was getting on the elevator, a pretty girl got aboard with me. We didn’t glance much and particularly with me, I don’t like or think it’s appropriate to stare down women, so I kept my eyes to myself. As we got off, looks like both of us were headed to the same place. Part way as I was fiddling with my phone, we began to talk. She was very open and after a few greetings, I inquired whether she came here often and how long. What happened next was shocking.
It turns out she’s been attending this place for 2 years now and does so weekly. I never ask what people come for, after all, some people may have private matters and health issues they do not want to share. I’m intrigued so I mention whether or not she feels acupuncture really helps with her issues, whatever they may be. Then the first thing she says is, “Oh, I find it’s very effective! I wanted to quit for a while and found out that I immediately went back to having period cramps and heavy flow every month…” and I just had no response for her. Here is this woman who has no idea who I am and openly sharing her menstrual issues with me. I didn’t feel offended in any way (obviously, lol) – but I was very surprized at how open some girls can be. This is of course a conversation about a very natural, anatomical process – but yet, periods are definitely a very intimate and private thing that most do not share openly, let alone some random stranger.
On to the “surprize acupuncture” part… I was expecting to TCM doctor to take my pulse and then mix some herbal medicine and off we went. As she was taking my pulse, she asked me to stick out my tongue, where it exposed that my body was in a very “hot and humid” state or 濕熱 (TCM terminology). She highly recommended me to do acupuncture this time, since for the past 3 weeks my body has been ok and she said I didn’t need it – but this week, I need to deal with my body trying to get rid of the toxins in the body that built up and can’t be released naturally. I was hesitant because it costs quite a bit of money each time and I have to endure pain – however, she also mentioned my body has much improved and it should no longer hurt. It’s hard to believe it since 3 weeks ago I did it and it was still not a good feeling. I accepted her offer since I do want to do what is good for my health. As I lied there awaiting the pain, I could feel the very familiar needle insertion in all the points… however, lo and behold, all except for one of the needles actually hurt this time. In fact, it felt almost awkwardly comfortable. As she explained, my health and blood-flow has improved and with fewer “blockages” – I actually will not experience pain like I once did. It felt so relaxing and liberating that I almost fell asleep as the electric zaps took place.
My friends and I hung around Scarborough for a bit and then headed back into Mississauga to catch a late lunch. We went to a restaurant that bebe and I had a fantastic date at before… it felt so nostalgic and I felt so nice being there as if bebe was sitting across from me again. I sighed a long sigh, yet, I could feel so warm and my mind went into a state of bliss. As painstaking and hurt that sometimes being with bebe makes me feel, I get to experience these lapses of beautiful happiness she brings me. It was a wonderful meal as usual and I also went to my friend’s place to help her fix her computer as it was having some weird problems.
Today was my friend’s birthday, so I had to go out to Mississauga again for her party at lunch. I didn’t get much computer time today and that’s why anyone waiting for a reply here or by email hasn’t received anything 😦 I got home late in the evening and gamed again to paralyze myself from spending too much time missing bebe. It’s almost as if I’m wasting my life away and while I’m immersed in the game I think not of her (oh who am I kidding? I think about her even when I’m playing the game), once I rest, my mind begins to dream of us together.
When I was in the car, my mom happened to talk to me about one of my ex’s L. It is weird because out of all the girls I know, my mom has a very positive image of her. They’ve never met or anything, but my mom, or rather, even my dad when he was alive, have a very fond reputation of her. I suppose my parents have heard me talk about her in the past to know, has seen her picture and also knows she’s very special to me. For those who follow my blog, it takes a very very special circumstance to get me into Toronto downtown and my parents know that if I go, it’s for someone I hold dearly. I only go there for L and for bebe, so ya, they obviously know my actions show that L’s a great girl. My mom of course pesters me if I ever “had feelings for her” and “want to date her” but I really don’t want to have to tell the history between her and I – so complex and long, haha. Speaking of Toronto, I found out my cousin in BC will be attending a wedding here, so hopefully I’ll get to spend a bit of time with him when he comes next June!
Coming up soon is Thanksgiving weekend already… hopefully be able to get my cousin to visit me and have some friends over for a gathering. Also, we’re trying to pre-gather for my mom’s birthday since a few of them will be leaving on a vacation which they won’t be back to catch her actual day to celebrate. I already booked tickets for a show at the Niagara Falls, Fallsview Theatre to go with my mom on her birthday, so it’ll be a nice way to spend Halloween (since her birthday’s that day) night since I don’t go “trick or treating” anymore. I can’t wait until I can go TT again… guess I have to wait until bebe and I take our kids out to do it 😆
I’m not even looking forward to work in the morning. I have so many projects and so many things to handle I don’t even know if the 7 working hours are really enough to accomplish all that I have on my plate. I know it’s probably just because I’m still in lazy-mode from the summer of not doing much. I suppose I need to wash the outside of my car soon because autumn season has caused birds to crap on my car non-stop or something. I also don’t have anything in particular planned this week or for the weekend, which doesn’t give me much to look forward to… although I think because I stay up so late gaming now that I’m starting to not sleep enough. I better watch that, so rather than talk about it, it’s 12:38AM and I should get some shut-eye instead!
Intriguing title, no?
On Friday, it was just an ordinary work-day, did a bit here and there, diddly-dallied with some coworkers and then had lunch with one of our temporary employees who was working his last day to return to school. It’s sad to see him go, but hopefully his next work placement, he will be back. Other than his thick Chinese accent when speaking English, he’s a very hard worker and a smart one. My dad and I were the first two Chinese people ever hired within our department. I remember my boss jokingly told me one time that, “If we hired 5 Chinese people, they could replace the entire department at the rate you guys work at!” and I laughed. I used to be just like that, at work early, work hard throughout the entire day and work later than everyone else.
Perhaps a cultural thing, but over 4-5 months of working there, I already adopted the same laziness as everyone else. Everyone thinks this is some conspiracy (jokingly) that they’re beginning to hire more Chinese people because we tend to put in the “extra effort” to get the job done and even the work-term student we got is Chinese. It’s not to say there aren’t people of different background and cultures who work equally, if not more, hard – but the reality is you will find that the general consensus is that we’re so used to pushing ourselves “back at home” that here in Canada, it is actually “above and beyond” what is expected.
Anyways, yes, so we went to eat Japanese Buffet (Sushi) and this is already the second time in the same week. I really didn’t want to because you know, you tend to try to get your monies worth at a buffet, so essentially you’re walking a path of unhealthiness. Suffice to say, we had a great time and the department is back to one Asian person – me 😆 Although I didn’t work directly with him or even talk to him a lot, it feels lonely when you’re the only person “of another culture” at work. You could say I work in a very white-oriented organization.
OK, so enough of that… let’s rewind to Thursday because I have no idea why I jumped ahead. I have a very disorganized brain. Thursday was a severely fucked up day. A few weeks ago I had asked my cousin whether she wanted me to pick up her from the airport and drop her off at her place in Toronto. I miss my cousin because we don’t see each other a lot, even if we’re only a mere 70km away from each other and if you’re not an Ontarian, you need to know 70km is not considered “far”. I thought if I picked her up at the airport, it’d be a nice way to spend a bit of time together before (her) school starts again.
Unfortunately she did not confirm that she wanted to have me pick her up and just the previous night before her return, she told me that she needed a ride. Ack, because on the same evening, I had committed myself to going to a friend’s birthday dinner. The good thing is that it was a guy’s birthday dinner, so it was easier for me to tell him I had to leave after an hour. It was great because we went to the same place I mentioned above, for Japanese food, but dinner menu also offers my favourite, SASHIMI!! I only had an hour to stuff myself and it’s pretty painful to do that, but I also needed to get out to the airport. It takes an hour for me to get there and as luck would have it, there was a bit of heavy rainfall that slow traffic down a bit. However, I did get there on time and picked her up.
We had a nice chat on the ride back to her place in Toronto downtown. I hate driving in downtown because you have to contend with so much shit. Pedestrians, motorists nor bikers follow the laws of the road, they simply do as they see fit. I love Canada for all the amenities we have and that we protect human rights, but sometimes it’s just too much. I wish we’d adopt a bit of China’s rules when it comes to traffic. For instance, if you step out on the street when you’re not supposed to and someone hits you, you deserve it. The person who hit you should not have to pay you insurance because you violated the law and if you lost a leg – TOO FUCKING BAD. In China, if you get hit while crossing illegally, it’s your own damn fault. We give way too much credit to human rights here that people begin to abuse it. Back on track – so yes, I dislike driving in Toronto downtown because people are not careful and respectful of others needs. However, sometimes driving there is unavoidable. About 9ish, I arrived at my cousins place with her. All I have to say is her place is damn spiffy and times like these, I wish I were born into a rich family. 2 months of rent for her is about a year’s worth of property tax for me. I parked the car at her place because she had a parking spot. We walked over to a quaint little diner across the street and she got a waffle and I had a ice cream float. At first I thought the prices were a bit steep but once I saw the portion-size, my eyes exploded. Still being extremely full from eating a buffet dinner, obviously I could not even put anymore food in my body.
We departed and I began to drive home and here’s where the fucked up part begins. As I’m headed towards the highway exit, the left rear-side of my car gets hit by a fucking bus because the asshole probably didn’t bother checking his blind-spot on a lane change. As we weren’t moving very fast (luckily), the damage was minimal. I think he was very afraid because he pulled back in his lane and waited for me to flag him down to the side to exchange insurance information. I looked at my side mirror to check for visible damage – nothing. I looked in my rear mirror to check for trunk damage – nothing. I know the impact wasn’t very great because I’ve been rear-ended before and it was very similar, just a “tap” and probably traded a bit of paint.
Having something like that happened pissed me off because as I said, I hate driving in Toronto. When you’re a bus driver, you have more than just the life of yourself in your hands – ALL the passenger on it lie in your driving skills and how can you ignore something as basic as checking your blind spot. I thought about stopping since you’re supposed to, but I couldn’t be assed for several reasons. One was because the damage wasn’t severe and two was because I just turned 25 and my insurance went down, the last thing I want to do is to claim $50 of damage and have my premiums go up by a thousand. Screw it I thought – he’s probably shitting himself already and that’s enough vengeance as it stands. Had I not recently had an insurance premium drop as a result of my age, you sure as hell would expect me to make him stop and exchange information! Times like these I also wish we had a bit of United States within us where citizens could carry guns legally. I’d probably get out of my car and shot that bus or put a bullet through the drivers head for such blatant disregard of shitty lane-changing. Toronto downtown streets are tight and people just care about themselves and thus I avoid driving there. I didn’t bother stopping only because it was for the sake of myself – so this guy/girl should really consider him/herself REALLY REALLY lucky. Of course I know by law you should stop either way, but oh well. By the time I got home and got out of the car, it was only a long white streak and some cosmetic damage to the rear bumper.
Rather than telling my mom a bus hit me, I just told her someone bumped into my car in the parking lot at work. It was for the best and although I hate lying to my own mother, she’d be very worried if she found out I was in an accident. Also, people were already asking why my cousin didn’t just take the bus/taxi home instead of having me drive from one city to another to get her and drop her off and then having to go back home. Even my aunt who happened to talk to my mom on the phone in the evening when I was out asked the same question. I suppose you can say I spoil my cousin. A bit of the reason is because when I was younger, I had a massive crush on her, so I cannot deny that I might “do a bit more for her” as opposed to someone else. I’m a guy and I’m a sucker for girls – what can I say? LOL. Suffice to say, if I told my mom I got into an accident in Toronto as a result of going out unnecessarily, she’d probably freak and say, “I told you so!” Why bother? The most freaky thought was that even though this was already a very LUCKY incident that it was not anything huge… I thought to myself that bebe never even let me see her before she went back to Malaysia had that accident been something big and the bus crushed me to death or something. You may think I’m exaggerating, but anyone who’s been in a car accident knows it’s no laughing matter and that anything can happen. I hope when she comes back, she’ll start appreciating how short life is and start to take advantage of it. Things change fast in life, people come and people go – we should be making the best of it and to be a part of each other.
Anyways, you may think at this point what relevance my title has to do with this. The point is that almost daily, my mentality that being a good person has no reward is being proven. I’m not going to say I was some kind of “hero” by helping my cousin get home, even if it was out-of-the-way. I’m not saying I need to have a medal given to me for it, but I do believe it was a generous thing to do. However, getting hit by a bus, on the way home after doing something “good” just makes me fume. It’s not her fault she asked me to pick her up that this happened – it’s the idiot drivers fault. Yet I think to myself, how retarded it is for one to believe that doing good things lead to good fortune. I suppose if doing something good ends up causing my car to get hit by a bus, then perhaps shooting someone in the head will result in me winning the lottery. Am I too much of a nice guy? Does bebe not feel strongly for me as I do for her because I’m too nice? Do girls really like “the bad boys?” I’m nice to her because I love her and I think that’s a very normal thing. Just like I care about my cousin, I’m willing to do something out-of-the-way for her. However, I’m proven time and time again in life that not ONLY does doing good things not result in good karma happening, it results in even WORSE things happening.
To sum it up, here’s a lesson of life:
Do good things ≠ Good things happening to you
Do bad things ≠ Bad things happening to you
Do good things = More likely bad things happening to you
Do bad things = More likely good things happening to you
2 weeks already that bebe’s been in Malaysia… hasn’t bothered saying a word to me and telling me how she’s doing. I’m not only getting frustrated now, I’m getting annoyed. Are these actions even defensible? Can one truly justify treating someone like shit? I can understand a person wanting to hurt another if you’ve done something bad for them – but to do something like that to someone who has shown so much love and affection? I cannot understand, perhaps my brain is too small or I think life is too simple. I’m not asking her to immediately love me back because that will take time – I’m asking to be treated like a self-dignified human being.
You would think that her being so far would make me lose feelings for her, but it hasn’t. My feelings for her are still indescribably strong. I still have passionate dreams about her and it’s hard for me to find perfection in other girls, other than her. I think about her and worry for her. What is she doing? Who is she with? Is she in a safe environment? Is she in good company? Is she healthy and well? Is she happy and relaxed? – I continue to wish for her well-being because she’s a very important person to me. Her brother will be starting university soon – I am excited and proud of him – just as if he was my own brother. I hope I get to call him brother-in-law one day! I miss bebe and I want to hold her tight right now. Love is supposed to be a strong, wonderful and positively-live changing feeling. Why is it at times that my love for bebe is bringing the worst out in me, frustrating, anger and vengeance, instead of tender, loving care? What kind of person have I become – why is this monster within me coming out? I need to harness my affection of her to feel more positive and vibrant!
The easiest way I can see her now and give her a sweet kiss is in my dreams… and given it is 11:05PM – I may as well go do that right now! ♥
I must say… this is the first time I’ve felt an earthquake before. I was sitting in my office when I could feel the ground shaking. We usually have a lot of workers patching up our building, construction outside our building and sometimes even large trucks pounding through the street, but it lasted almost a minute before it stopped, much longer and consistent than any construction or jack-hammering.
I did have an immediate thought that, “wow, this feels like an earthquake” – but I could not imagine something like this happening here, since it is rare that Ontario gets such noticeable quakes. Suffice to say as I’m typing this, my mom just called to make sure I was ok. Of course as a son, I would call her to check-up on her, but she also attends water aerobics in the morning and is usually out of the house and she doesn’t have a cell-phone so I wasn’t able to get a hold of her. Also, had it not been for some talk around the office, I wouldn’t even know that really was an earthquake. The heavier items in my office didn’t move, but I noticed some lighter items, especially my business cards were off to the right side of the holder (ya, I notice things like that, I’m anal about the way I organize things)! My mom told me that she got a bunch of calls from friends in Toronto and stuff who “felt it greatly” but she says she didn’t even know or could feel anything. I’m glad we have a good foundation and a sturdy house but damn, this is rather shocking.
I just messaged my bebe just to make sure she was ok, but it’s pretty expected I won’t hear a response, lol… girls and their cold shoulder-syndromes =\ Oh well, I guess I could always check up on her just to make sure she’s ok. 😛 I have an appointment with my financial advisor in an hour, so time to pack-up at work and head there. I figured if I die in this earthquake, at least all my finances will be in-order 😆 I wonder if it’ll take something really bad to happen to bring us together 😐 I sure as hell hope not! I want to still live my life happily with her… LOL – I know, it’s just a small earthquake compared to many places around the world, I’m just exaggerating a bit!
# Wednesday, June 23, 2010 at 17:41:42 UTC
# Wednesday, June 23, 2010 at 01:41:42 PM at epicenter
Location 45.862°N, 75.457°W
Depth 18 km (11.2 miles) set by location program
Region ONTARIO-QUEBEC BORDER REGION, CANADA
* 38 km (24 miles) N (356°) from Cumberland, Ontario, Canada
* 44 km (28 miles) NNE (21°) from Gatineau, Quebec, Canada
* 51 km (32 miles) NNE (26°) from Hull, Quebec, Canada
* 53 km (33 miles) NNE (21°) from OTTAWA, Ontario, Canada
Could you imagine this is happening at such a coincidental time as the G20? Maybe this is indicative of the discontent our creator (whoever that may be).